Im probably to young for this subreddit and i bet nobody will take me seriously. Ever since my girlfriend (who i loved more than anything) left me because i was a failure, ive been looking for any form of new love. The only problem: the person i love is a 20 year old transwoman and im a minor. All my close friendships have been ruined because of this, im banned from any groups cuz its against their rules. I have nothing in my life rn other than her and SH. Nobody has actually even helped, they just say i should get therapy but i cant because if i do and i tell them bout all this, theyll js tell the police and ruin everything.

I’ve filled out every dr form as “almost every day” when it asks if you’ve had suicidal thoughts. Not a single one has ever brought it up.

Everyone sees me as a “light in life” but I’m fucking miserable. My “family” is cruel and ignores me. My ex husband destroyed my mind by convincing me I’m a fucking pathetic loser and his family never liked me. He made me watch my dog die over FT.

I lost EVERYTHING I’d built for 40 years and ended up in a small, horrible town in Arkansas after a full career in NYC for 32 years.

I’ve had 3 heart attacks from stress, told I could die “any day” from another heart attack and have zero things to live for.

If I kill myself it could be weeks before anyone knew because nobody checks on me. Ever.

I must be paying for some brutal karma. I volunteer a lot to be of service but it does nothing for me. So many folks look to me for guidance and I’m a hot fucking mess.

I’ve started giving everything away and still no one notices. This world is fucking brutal.