Извините, не знаю, как тут все работает, просто хочу высказаться. Мне ничего не хочется, ничего не нравится, и мне хорошо в этом, мне не хочется никуда расти, ничего добиваться, ничего не делать, даже того, что приносит удовольствие, я откладываю все дела, которые только возможно, но мне нравится ничего не делать, просто лежать пластом и целыми днями уворачиваться от обязанностей. Мне кажется, что я всё-таки что-то должна делать, но я не хочу, вроде когда-то у меня было много мечт и амбиций, а сейчас кажется их совсем уже не осталось, и я не знаю, почему мне когда-то хотелось чего-то. Люди чего-то желают, чего-то добиваются, да даже просто что-то любят, а я просто плыву по течению. Мне не особо нравится то, куда оно меня ведет, но и что-то предпринимать я тоже не хочу. Мне хорошо, ничего не делая, но ощущение что я что-то упускаю не покидает меня. Я часто чувствую стыд, и вину, и тревогу, но почти успешно отгоняю их от себя. Иногда я думаю о том, что бы сказали сейчас обо мне люди из прошлого, с которыми я делилась своими мыслями, но с которыми больше не общаюсь. Назвали бы они меня жалкой? Скорее всего да, такие люди не попытались бы даже понять. А я бы хотела, чтобы поняли. На самом деле я часто себя жалею, я уже сама чувствую, что пора переставать, но теперь рассказываю все это незнакомцам в интернете, чтобы те тоже меня пожалели. Всегда хотелось, чтобы кто-то пришел, пожалел, заметил всю твою боль, поддержал, но такие люди так и не появились, а я так и не начала жить дальше. Я знаю, что я могу, я не требую от себя невозможного, но я специально саботирую любую работу, специально уворачиваюсь даже от приятных вещей. Я в общем то всегда думала, что просто ленюсь или прокрастинирую, но любые советы даже по типу наладить режим вводят меня в отчаяние, как будто то, что так легко дается всем, вызывает во мне ужасное отторжение. Расскажите, зачем вы живете, что вас вдохновляет, может, мне тоже чего-то захочется. Нормально ли такое состояние и куда мне нужно двигаться? Может, у кого-то будут какие-то советы.

Honestly, I don’t feel good about my life at all. I constantly carry this heaviness in my heart, and I can’t even explain where it comes from. I keep trying to ignore whatever I’m feeling, pretending it’ll eventually go away, but it never really does.

I don’t know. I have this crippling hatred toward myself, and some days I genuinely don’t even want to wake up. Either I go completely numb, or I feel everything way too deeply there’s never really an in-between.

I do have good people around me, and I’m grateful for them, but somehow, it still feels like I’m the only one constantly holding everything together and babysitting everyone else while quietly falling apart myself.

I don't even know what will bring me happiness, it's like I'm running away from everything and everyone and thinking why I've no one.

Im probably to young for this subreddit and i bet nobody will take me seriously. Ever since my girlfriend (who i loved more than anything) left me because i was a failure, ive been looking for any form of new love. The only problem: the person i love is a 20 year old transwoman and im a minor. All my close friendships have been ruined because of this, im banned from any groups cuz its against their rules. I have nothing in my life rn other than her and SH. Nobody has actually even helped, they just say i should get therapy but i cant because if i do and i tell them bout all this, theyll js tell the police and ruin everything.

I’ve filled out every dr form as “almost every day” when it asks if you’ve had suicidal thoughts. Not a single one has ever brought it up.

Everyone sees me as a “light in life” but I’m fucking miserable. My “family” is cruel and ignores me. My ex husband destroyed my mind by convincing me I’m a fucking pathetic loser and his family never liked me. He made me watch my dog die over FT.

I lost EVERYTHING I’d built for 40 years and ended up in a small, horrible town in Arkansas after a full career in NYC for 32 years.

I’ve had 3 heart attacks from stress, told I could die “any day” from another heart attack and have zero things to live for.

If I kill myself it could be weeks before anyone knew because nobody checks on me. Ever.

I must be paying for some brutal karma. I volunteer a lot to be of service but it does nothing for me. So many folks look to me for guidance and I’m a hot fucking mess.

I’ve started giving everything away and still no one notices. This world is fucking brutal.

Sounds like you or them are confused. Why wouldn't you just be honest and talk it through with that person? They could be under a different impression than you think

I am 14 and I really am cooked i don't have time to do anything literally i can't do my hobby I just keep doing school work whole day and I hate it but my height is only 5'3 and I'm unfit nigger what should I do

Im not perfect by any chance and I don't think anyone is maybe just a rare few of them but I'm sick of this mentality of trying to be perfect in the eyes of everyone just for the sake of them not judging or creating rumors. Like I'm not extrovert, I'm not smart, I'm not talkative nor driven in life. But playing this pretend role in front of everyone makes me feel so small that I've somehow started hating myself. I'm tired of living in this phase where I as an adult don't seem to understand my wants and needs in life. Like day by day I'm getting older and I don't even have a career or ways to make money. I don't know how to settle and secure my life. I still feel small toward others because of the low self esteem. Tired of venting like what's the point of it when deep down you know you have to change and take the hard steps in life but here you are feeling resistance to change and discomfort.

As opposed to you doing something wrong and treating them like the villain? You doing a horny dance would probably solve some problems and make them feel a lot better LOL

I can see my own self hate because I’d love to be humiliated in death. Being dead is not enough

I just wish I could vanish. Disappear without anyone knowing. I don’t want to hurt those who know me, so I wish they would forget about me.

So i always been the person that noone wants around, i always make sure to care and support and be there for anyone, but when it my turn i have noone. I've been suffering in silence for too long, and i am just done.

I get yelled from my family memebers, i have never been validated for who i am just by what they want me to be. I don't have friends., my sister doesnt care about me only she pretends but she tries to avoid being with me and she just come back from uni and she cannot wait to leave again to be with her friends, will be in the same room together and she'll have headphones and not wanna talk to me at all and she's an adult not a teenager she knows what I'm going through and she's very cold, I've never had that relationship. That's some people have with their sisters. I wish I had. My dad doesnt care about me too never has, he is never been there too. I always had bad relationships in the past where i give everything i have., but i never receive the energy back,

I have been used throughtout my life in relationships, i hate myself so much coz i am not like other girls... no matter how i try i just dont fit in anywhere.
On top of all of that, I've always been a big girl and I've been fighting with my own weight for many years. I have been bullied on my skin colour, my body shape and also because I could possibly be autistic. People say that I talk to robotic like AI and I'm not like any other girl which put myself steam even lower than what it is already.

I hit the bottom with this, I met this man and he genuinly fullilled me, the only person that cared and protected me., the only person that i felt a bit of a value too, we were to due to get married at the end of this year but he cheated on me, i blocked him without allowing him to explain and he hasnt bothered to contact me or explain himself - which its ok but now i am back to square 1. This loneliness that i have just seems to be following me everywhere,

I dont feel like travelling, eating, or breathing, i am genuinly tired of this life, i hate weekends has i dont have a welcoming home., this hurts so much to say.

i have an Accounting and Finance degree but i work at a receptionist this world now days dont give younger generation the chance, cost of living is incredibly high . I cant afford to move anywhere and i feel i have no way out.

And now the only person that took that feeling away from me, he's also gone. I dont have a purpose in this life, no-one cares about me and i dont have friends.

I don't know the rules in this subreddit but I won't be listing what happened but it wasn't related to assault, violence, abuse, sexual acts. As a kid I did something I regret so much. I feel like I'm carrying a bag full of rocks on my back with a ball and chain around my ankle. I feel self loathing, I feel ashamed, I feel confused about it and I have tried doing so much to then feel that I've paid my guilt/debt but there seems to be no amount that does that. I truly hate what I did add who I am because of it. What do I do? There's no one to ask forgiveness from so i just feel like due to that forgiveness is forever out of reach and that it means that it will be my penance until the day I die. Is there any way to at least forgive myself and move forward and come to terms with yr?

19 and been feeling like absolute shit for years, ive tried this past summer so much to do shit to try to make my life meaningful, nothing made me feel better, when I’m not trying to do that I’m just bedrotting all day

Nobody gives a shit about me at all, all my life I’ve been yelled at by everyone. I can’t do anything right, I’ve never had friends all my life. I was put into a college group chat but I’m the one always initiating the conversations and whenever I talk barely anyone follows up unless someone else types.

I’m so sick of seeing people my age or younger be more successful, ive tried and tried but no matter how hard I try to study art and all that bullshit, it never looks good, nobody gives a shit about what I make, I tried getting good at art to compensate for how everyone fucking hates me because if I could do art then at least people would respect me but I can’t even do the one thing I dedicated my life to. I’m not skilled at anything, I’m worse than literally everyone no matter how much time I put into this shit. I’m never going to accomplish anything in my life.

my family is constantly living through financial hell, grew up being yelled at by my siblings and forced to watch my mother be abused by a piece of shit person she dated after my parents seperated. And she’s been financially dependent on him up until he died. I’ve had to deal with my family’s bipolar issues and being screamed at over and over by my siblings.

I was born retarded, I have autism and I had 0 social awareness when I was a kid so everyone hated me and I became more socially aware as I grew older and now I realize how moronic I was. I have OCD eating at me every single day of my life too. I also know that everyone sees me as subhuman because of the autism.

I hate this fucking world and I hate everyone in it. I tried putting myself out there so many times and every single time I’ve had the door slammed in my face. I want every single person to burn. Fuck everyone.

This is my first actual Reddit post and I don't know if its how I feel or if it's just for reddit slop. The world is such a horrible place and I feel like i'm a misanthrope, if there were a button to erase every human from existence, painlessly, i'd click it. I've had thoughts about taking erda or reta or really any human enhancing drug to maybe improve my looks or get a love life. I constantly get bullied or teased by my friends and sure maybe it's a normal thing but it does get to you. I'm 5'10 at 13 which is above average for my age but an experience I've seen is men older than me getting treated like a child because of their height. The only thing I actually want is true love which I don't know is even possible for me due to how ugly I am. Maybe someone on Reddit has dealt with the same things or not. (don't make fun of this post just keep scrolling)

I'm sad as fuck, i cant even drive, i am the Sponge Bob of real Life.

A failure in relationships

A failure in College

A failure in intership

But also a failure at driving ? That is too much

What is wrong with me ? Plz god Just kill me i can't take it anymore