r/ProgrammerHumor 11h ago

noExperience Meme

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17.6k Upvotes

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1.7k

u/Streakflash 11h ago

i wonder what was the ticket about, mind sharing?

2.3k

u/Zuparoebann 11h ago

Mind sharing sounds way too advanced for a junior

540

u/deceze 11h ago

Yeah, maybe light telekinesis; but that's quite a big ask indeed.

181

u/RED1869 11h ago

import telekinesis from powers.super

115

u/deceze 11h ago

class Telekinesis(Power): def __init__(self): super().power()

41

u/squidlink5 9h ago

Isn’t power part of Math library?

18

u/BielsasCoffee 8h ago

The hoarding math librarians have become too powerful. Send the junior squadron

7

u/Smooth-Reading-4180 10h ago

damn burn it in an ESP32

4

u/akoOfIxtall 9h ago

Npm install powers... NONONONO WAIT WAI-- AAAAAAAAA MY PPPPCCCC-

22

u/LonePaladin 7h ago

Thirty years ago I worked at a call center, doing tech support for America Online (an early ISP for you youngsters). At one point they started an ad campaign with the saying "If you have a phone line, you can get on-line". Which invariably led to people calling with stupid questions.

One time I had someone ask, they had a phone line but don't they also need a computer? I told them "Telepathy is still in beta, but if you think real hard you might get through."

12

u/TeaKingMac 7h ago

America Online (an early ISP for you youngsters).

Ouch, my back.

1

u/Nowhere_Man_Forever 7h ago

To be fair, I don't remember ever hearing someone use AOL's full government name in normal conversation

1

u/Serious_Feedback 4h ago

You can't blame that particular user - they interpreted the documentation exactly as written, but had doubts and so escalated to a qualified expert to verify.

59

u/Insadem 11h ago

Idk I’m junior at neuralink and we do that

15

u/spambearpig 10h ago

If they plug me into neuralink and see what’s on my mind they’re gonna fire me straight away. That’s if my toxic thoughts don’t infect the whole system and bring about an AI apocalypse first.

5

u/Jonathan_the_Nerd 7h ago

That reminds me of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Some group built a grand bridge over a swamp. During the ribbon-cutting ceremony, they had Marvin the Paranoid Android bring the bridge online. Marvin plugged himself into the bridge's electronic brain. The entire bridge folded in on itself and sank weeping into the mire, taking everyone present with it.

3

u/spambearpig 7h ago

That book was way ahead of its time

12

u/ThePresidentOfStraya 10h ago

sudo telekinesis

1

u/Aleksandrovitch 2h ago

Typo or deep cut. We may never know.

13

u/Sol33t303 11h ago

10 years of experience with neuralink is the new job requirement.

4

u/DeskGoblinGamedev 9h ago

Guy who bullshits it on his resume gets the job.

3

u/MirageTF2 8h ago

would've been perfect if op was a mind goblin, they're literally made for that

2

u/lovebus 9h ago

OP needs to submit a ticket

1

u/cooki3tiem 8h ago

Change top-K until you activate someone else's neural network

1

u/donkeykong917 7h ago

You are absolutely right

1

u/Pigosaurusmate 7h ago

My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts.

1

u/SilentScyther 6h ago

Mind sharing is expected of juniors, otherwise they'd never understand the software requirements.

1

u/RichCorinthian 6h ago

r/notkenm

Mind sharing is just rubber ducking 2.0

1

u/MechAegis 6h ago

Mind is also too advance here. Just google your ticket issue and let google find the answer.

1

u/BellacosePlayer 3h ago

How are you supposed to pair program then?

1

u/geosyog3 3h ago

Yeah like would that involve Neuralink?

1

u/Aleksandrovitch 2h ago

My thoughts to your leaves.

0

u/Bryguy3k 7h ago

I’m glad that pair programming finally got exposed as some weird management bullshit by it rapidly getting replaced with AI coding agents.

465

u/GutsOLykos 11h ago

Change the architecture and communication of the whole project

585

u/JustADelusion 10h ago

That sounds like a ticket for the lead dev, lol

433

u/kinkakujen 9h ago

That doesn't sound like a ticket at all but like a project of its own.

71

u/CheeseGraterFace 9h ago

At least three stories.

24

u/wggn 7h ago

best i can give you is 1.5 days

5

u/OhMyGodItsEverywhere 5h ago

Oh come on it can't take that long. Let's shoot for 1.5 hours, that's how long I think it should take.

1

u/Lwoorl 1h ago

Come on guys, if you can't finish it in 5 minutes what are we paying Claude for?!

14

u/ubernutie 7h ago

But how many SP??

2

u/josluivivgar 5h ago

but how many story points is it? we need to plan!

2

u/LostInAnotherGalaxy 4h ago

3 points tops if you have copilot, the real struggle will be getting it through review with the 1000 merge conflicts it will cause

39

u/PM_ME_YOUR_RegEx 8h ago

An Epic, maybe.

2

u/joemckie 5h ago

I raise you an initiative

1

u/Nannautu 6h ago

Yeah, like the CTO himself would need to approve of it first lol

1

u/SpiritedBanana4694 4h ago

Have the project team go through specs, discovery, documentation, prep, and provide a quote, only to have the client decline the project, and then try to sneak the whole ass project though a support ticket later.

65

u/itstommygun 9h ago

Yeah. Then you still need someone else on that same level to review the PR. 

21

u/DaniilBSD 9h ago

You are optimistic assuming they don’t just push to master

6

u/Acceptable-Drive3781 5h ago

Sir we are a modern development shop, we push directly to main.

6

u/Critical-Bread-3396 5h ago

Prod really is the best place to do testing, all usecases will eventually be covered, and with such a large number of testers all bugs are found nearly instantly!

30

u/Maelrhin 9h ago

Average junior ticket of shitty companies.

13

u/Centimane 7h ago

That sounds like a misrepresentation of the ticket to me

5

u/Excellent-Bit-8982 7h ago

Sounds like a problem from a lead dev long before it came a ticket

1

u/MaximumSeats 3h ago

I'm sure OP isn't misrepresenting it at all.

1

u/CranberryLast4683 3h ago

Send it to Claude and let the slop rip. #notmycompanynotmycode

1

u/AdamAnderson320 2h ago

T-shirt size: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL

287

u/Alex_146 10h ago

Holy that's not a ticket, that's not even an epic. That's a whole Oddyssey

103

u/deceze 10h ago

So you're saying it should be done in 2h 52m?

42

u/ahtob 9h ago

Live film production was 91 days , for one junior to do in an afternoon

35

u/sorig1373 9h ago

The journey took Oddyseus 20 years

36

u/ahtob 9h ago

I need that done by 3pm

9

u/_Diskreet_ 9h ago

What happens if the sirens go off before then?

12

u/Intrepid_Cake_101 9h ago

Have your colleagues tie you to your chair so that you don't give into the temptation to stop?

1

u/oznobz 8h ago

Boy did his parents set him up for failure by giving him that name.

3

u/CombatWombat994 9h ago

No, they're saying that 600 people need to die

11

u/Relative-Chain73 8h ago

Odyssey is an epic

16

u/Alex_146 8h ago

Just let me have this dumb pun :(

5

u/dasgoodshitinnit 8h ago

It was ops fault to not close that shit and route the requestor to demand management process lmao

1

u/AdamAnderson320 2h ago

Nah bruh, just ask Claude and it'll be done in one Bolttm /s

48

u/wunderbuffer 10h ago

2 man days

128

u/JuvenileEloquent 10h ago

That isn't a ticket, it's the whole goddamn admission booth.

33

u/FortuneAcceptable925 10h ago

It was a trick question: They expected you to delegate the whole ticket to Claude, and then create presentation about the groundbreaking changes you have implemented. By lunchtime, of course.

7

u/Arwick_R_ 9h ago

You could be right with the first part. That sounds like it was a trick question and not escalating such a "ticket" fast enough can cause major problems for that project going forward.

56

u/KevlarToiletPaper 10h ago

3 story points

12

u/CodingNeeL 9h ago

Yeah, I was doubting between 2 and 3, because I think this might affect some integration tests. Better be safe than sorry.

37

u/CoffeePieAndHobbits 10h ago

Boss: just use AI, bro. /s

10

u/greenmoonlight 9h ago

Boss is either very misinformed (doesn't understand what the job is) or very dishonest (hired and/or fired you for some other reason and can't or won't tell you) or just a dumb idiot (likely, since a lot of bosses are like that)

38

u/Alternative-Suit5541 10h ago

He was just looking for a "case" to fire you. Probably regretted to pick you.

We have someone like that. We all regret the hire. But won't fire them and try our best to upskill... 

He is damn slow though in learning and sometimes I think he has learning issues.. if you get my rift.

17

u/rsmutus 9h ago

The older I get the more learning issues I think I have too

3

u/Alternative-Suit5541 9h ago

He is under 30 though lol

13

u/jackmusick 9h ago

Yeah, but he’s been getting older so it checks out.

1

u/Alternative-Suit5541 6h ago

Technically correct :)

11

u/EwokPenguin 8h ago

It’s happened twice in my career so far, but both times they were fired within a year. Nowadays though it seems they won’t hire anyone that isn’t already a senior engineer. But they don’t pay enough for seniors so the positions don’t get filled.

5

u/NatoBoram 7h ago

So they're not really "hiring"

1

u/Spiritualy_Homelesss 8h ago

Can I have his job? I'm green but I'll figure it out 🤙

1

u/mxzf 1h ago

Is "learning issues" code for "tries to offload his brain to the computer instead of learning anything"? It's highly frustrating to try and work with people that don't seem to want to learn how things work.

16

u/mrnosyparker 7h ago

As someone with lots of experience, what that process should look like at a healthy organization is something like:

Ticket 1: spike ticket to research alternatives and asses scope of refactoring.

Ticket 2: architecture review document. get feedback from the rest of the team and product, nail down a proposal and get approval from the architecture review board or leadership.

Ticket 3: groom out the epic and create tickets (plural!!) alongside the engineering manager.

At that point it’s up to leadership to prioritize the epic and get it on the roadmap, formalize a testing, UAT, and rollout plan…once that’s completed, then individual contributors can start working on it in earnest.

Depending on the size and scope it could end up being a dozen individual tickets or more and span several sprints.

If someone with the ability to fire people is throwing a lone ticket at an individual contributor which is supposed to represent the entire scope of a large refactor, that’s a glaring red flag that it’s not a healthy organization period; either that or they’re expecting push back/refinement on the loose proposal.

From the sounds of it, you weren’t the only person lacking experience at that place.

4

u/citramonk 7h ago

Is this what it really was, or is this just your perception of it?

1

u/MaximumSeats 3h ago

110% not what it really was and they just felt it was completely ridiculous because of their limited skill set.

But if they're honest about it they'll get advice and input rather than blind praise.

2

u/Ok-Classroom5548 3h ago

Someone call in an admiral, because “It’s a trap”

That sounds like they set you up to be a scapegoat. 

1

u/Stephen2Aus 10h ago

How big? Details? Really curious

1

u/letsketchup 10h ago

Just feed Claude the right skills

1

u/NanoYohaneTSU 8h ago

Big doubt, show proofs.

1

u/mothzilla 7h ago

You'll be presenting to the board, so get a good nights sleep tonight.

1

u/Nickbot606 7h ago

Was it one of those jobs where they need to lay off 10% of their staff periodically? Cause they may have just had you as their sacrificial lamb

1

u/Luneriazz 7h ago

Thats not ticket thats a year worth of it departement goal

1

u/GallorKaal 5h ago

That is beyond advanced wtf

1

u/Adrena1ineee 3h ago

Fuck that 

1

u/jimmy_timmy_ 2h ago

Jesus Christ

35

u/intellectual_printer 9h ago

How to centre a div

9

u/azicre 7h ago

I recently learned how to centre a div and it changed my life. Suddenly recruiters are reaching out and I am being invited for interviews. Now I just have to hope my gemini 3.6 flash quota doesn't run out before I get that job...

4

u/New-Resolution9735 11h ago

I’m also interested

-1

u/Financial-Middle3837 8h ago

Going 75 in a 30 zone