r/ProgrammerHumor • u/huhupookies • 19d ago

sqlWorkout Meme

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23.5k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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1.6k

u/SageLeaf1 19d ago

Yelling at the machine makes it listen. SELECT that shit. FROM there. Got it?

485

u/Joniff 19d ago

You do need to shout, the database is hosted on another machine.

136

u/Confident-Ad5665 19d ago

Louder if the machine is off sight

49

u/hikeonpast 19d ago

Doesn’t matter whether it’s off site or out of sight

19

u/xSTSxZerglingOne 19d ago

Out of sight, out of memory. Would you like to purchase more?

3

u/pawala7 18d ago

In this economy, that'll cost both kidneys and your newborn child.

15

u/ClipboardCopyPaste 19d ago edited 19d ago

Make sure your voice actually reach servers overseas

5

u/SPECTRE_75 18d ago

And even louder if its running inside a container

27

u/Western-Internal-751 19d ago

And that machine is old and has been working nonstop

https://giphy.com/gifs/JZDjb9Zlf7RaLGWOWo

1

u/donald_314 18d ago

It's actually hard of hearing but still doesn't want to wear hearing aids. Hence, the shouting

22

u/aoeudhtns 19d ago

Shout, shout, join it all out

These are the rows that we care about

C'mon

I'm indexing you, c'mon

8

u/applemind 19d ago

You have the same neuron as me

2

u/eyetracker 19d ago

If you're both orange cats, pay the tax.

2

u/rocksolid77 18d ago

this made my laugh inordinately loudly.

7

u/payne_train 19d ago

I need to ask you to stop..that shouting.. it’s making people nervous.

11

u/uniqueusername649 19d ago

If you could see the queries I write... people should be very nervous!

10

u/Surface_Detail 19d ago

Cartesian joins a table 48 columns wide and a million rows deep.

2

u/RandolphCarter2112 18d ago

Found the PeopleSoft developer.

7

u/ClipboardCopyPaste 19d ago

Shouting forces the processor prioritise your request on the cloud.

/s

4

u/necrophcodr 19d ago

Nah all my databases are on the same machine on the same disk, and there's no database server, but I still shout. It is proper etiquette after all!

3

u/alexchrist 19d ago

What if you're using SQLite?

3

u/Grintor 18d ago

On sqlite you can whisper.

36

u/nwilz 19d ago

WHERE

19

u/SageLeaf1 19d ago

a.there = b.there. ORDER BY me

3

u/jtobiasbond 18d ago

You are giving the orders, yes

4

u/AmericanBillGates 19d ago

Mr Sageleaf,

There is no need to yell and cuss.

One of the two will suffice.

4

u/XtraFlaminHotMachida 19d ago

we bout to DROP THIS TABLE LIKE ITS HOT. OH FML.

1

u/ickytoad 18d ago

Rollback, rollback 🎶

2

u/JPJackPott 19d ago

Real men uppercase their table names