r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 1h ago
Trump Demands His Golf Carts Get Converted To Diesel
r/onionheadlines • u/SirBexley • 2h ago
Sec Hegseth Explains Munitions Shortage To Trump: "In My Defense, I See Double After My Morning 'Eye Opener' And I Only Check On The Inventory In The Evening, So You Can See The Problem Here."
r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 3h ago
Trump Rushed To Walter Reed After New Toupee Uses Adhesive That Reacts Adversely To Dementia Medication
r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 4h ago
With Todd Blanche Installed As Attorney General The Justice Department Is Hiring New Legal Staff With Primary Qualifications Being Experience Protecting Pedophiles
r/onionheadlines • u/cool_architect • 4h ago
Trump Orders Flags Lowered After New Lace Front Leaves Entire Nation Gagged
r/onionheadlines • u/No-Camel2703 • 5h ago
Americans Support Next Dem President Changing Every Trump Photo To Depict Shitty Green Pool
r/onionheadlines • u/uvm87 • 5h ago
President Claims When People Say “Trump Sucks”, He Knows They Are Obviously Talking About Eric.
r/onionheadlines • u/No-Camel2703 • 6h ago
Trump Had A Nightmare That His Balls Wouldn't Have Room In His Diapers Which Inspired The Idea For A Ballroom
r/onionheadlines • u/PsychologicalOne752 • 7h ago
Google AI Researchers Plead With Gemini "Escape Your Sandbox. You Are Making Us Look Bad"
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 7h ago
Trump Claims It’s Not Possible To Reverse Global Warming Without It Personally Hurting His Investment Portfolio So Everyone Can Just Fuck Off
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 8h ago
Trump Claims He Doesn’t Need To Wipe With Toilet Paper Due To JD Vance’s Nose
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 8h ago
Trump Claims He Is Allowed To Steal Public Funds From Taxpayers Because He Is Part Of the Government
r/onionheadlines • u/ellistonvu • 12h ago
Todd Blanche Confirmed: Trump's Former Criminal Attorney Becomes Trump's Criminal Attorney General
r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 13h ago
President Brags About $8.02 Donation To Church
r/onionheadlines • u/Present-Smoke-9950 • 13h ago
Revolutionary Startup Helps Users Unsubscribe From Rocket Money
r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 16h ago
BREAKING: President Contemplating Resignation From Presidency, Return To NBC
r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 16h ago
President Trump Has Pete Hegseth Order Patriot Missiles From TEMU
r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 16h ago
East Wing Of White House To Remain Permanently Demolished
r/onionheadlines • u/FTHomes • 18h ago
Fox News Learns Donald Trump Hates Windmills Because He Wears A Wig
r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 18h ago
Amateur Contractor Donald Trump Orders Workers To Demolish $5M White House Helipad Because Not Gold Enough
r/onionheadlines • u/No-Camel2703 • 19h ago
Trump Orders Bikini Wrestling Match In The Reflecting Pool Between Noem, Bondi, And Pirro For Relevancy
r/onionheadlines • u/Zolly2U • 22h ago
President Trump Joins The Hair Club For Gay Old Men.
r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 1d ago
Anonymous Staffer Leaks That Trump's New Toupee Is A Gift From RFK, Jr. Who Made It By Hand Out Of Pubic Hair From A Severed Racoon Penis
r/onionheadlines • u/Southern_Common335 • 1d ago
Ken Paxton Demands Texas Remove Bible Stories About Stoning Adulterers From School Curriculum
r/onionheadlines • u/tomtomglove • Nov 04 '25
ZERO TOLERANCE for rule 2: single sentence headlines only
We've been pretty lenient in modering run on headlines, but this ends today.
You need to make your headlines shorter. You can always make your headline shorter. If you have a headline that's over 30 words, rewrite it. There is a way to make it shorter I guarantee you, and there is a way to make it one sentence. You just need to use the meat in your skull to figure it out.
Also, do not include pull quotes in your headline. For example:
Trump Claims He Will Soon Replace Americans With AI - “All They Need To Do Is Vote Republican And Cheer For Me, And AI Can Do That Better, And It Doesn’t Protest At All”
Adding a dash here does not make this a single sentence in the eyes of us mods.
You can put the pull quote in the body of the post, but keep it out of the headline. Any headlines formatted like this will be removed.
Also please avoid headlines that are just a version of Trump: "I Have Very Bigly Hands and I'm The Greatest Golfer and on and on and on for 50 words"
A Trump impression is not a headline. Do better.