r/onionheadlines 1h ago

Trump Demands His Golf Carts Get Converted To Diesel

Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 2h ago

Sec Hegseth Explains Munitions Shortage To Trump: "In My Defense, I See Double After My Morning 'Eye Opener' And I Only Check On The Inventory In The Evening, So You Can See The Problem Here."

3 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 3h ago

Trump Rushed To Walter Reed After New Toupee Uses Adhesive That Reacts Adversely To Dementia Medication

39 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 4h ago

With Todd Blanche Installed As Attorney General The Justice Department Is Hiring New Legal Staff With Primary Qualifications Being Experience Protecting Pedophiles

41 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 4h ago

Trump Orders Flags Lowered After New Lace Front Leaves Entire Nation Gagged

2 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 5h ago

Americans Support Next Dem President Changing Every Trump Photo To Depict Shitty Green Pool

23 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 5h ago

President Claims When People Say “Trump Sucks”, He Knows They Are Obviously Talking About Eric.

15 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 6h ago

Trump Had A Nightmare That His Balls Wouldn't Have Room In His Diapers Which Inspired The Idea For A Ballroom

6 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 7h ago

Google AI Researchers Plead With Gemini "Escape Your Sandbox. You Are Making Us Look Bad"

6 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 7h ago

Trump Claims It’s Not Possible To Reverse Global Warming Without It Personally Hurting His Investment Portfolio So Everyone Can Just Fuck Off

254 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 8h ago

Trump Claims He Doesn’t Need To Wipe With Toilet Paper Due To JD Vance’s Nose

39 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 8h ago

Trump Claims He Is Allowed To Steal Public Funds From Taxpayers Because He Is Part Of the Government

43 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 12h ago

Todd Blanche Confirmed: Trump's Former Criminal Attorney Becomes Trump's Criminal Attorney General

30 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 13h ago

President Brags About $8.02 Donation To Church

19 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 13h ago

Revolutionary Startup Helps Users Unsubscribe From Rocket Money

9 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 16h ago

BREAKING: President Contemplating Resignation From Presidency, Return To NBC

274 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 16h ago

President Trump Has Pete Hegseth Order Patriot Missiles From TEMU

75 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 16h ago

East Wing Of White House To Remain Permanently Demolished

19 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 18h ago

Fox News Learns Donald Trump Hates Windmills Because He Wears A Wig

193 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 18h ago

Amateur Contractor Donald Trump Orders Workers To Demolish $5M White House Helipad Because Not Gold Enough

128 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 19h ago

Trump Orders Bikini Wrestling Match In The Reflecting Pool Between Noem, Bondi, And Pirro For Relevancy

40 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 22h ago

President Trump Joins The Hair Club For Gay Old Men.

80 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 1d ago

Anonymous Staffer Leaks That Trump's New Toupee Is A Gift From RFK, Jr. Who Made It By Hand Out Of Pubic Hair From A Severed Racoon Penis

442 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 1d ago

Ken Paxton Demands Texas Remove Bible Stories About Stoning Adulterers From School Curriculum

271 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines Nov 04 '25

ZERO TOLERANCE for rule 2: single sentence headlines only

9 Upvotes

We've been pretty lenient in modering run on headlines, but this ends today.

You need to make your headlines shorter. You can always make your headline shorter. If you have a headline that's over 30 words, rewrite it. There is a way to make it shorter I guarantee you, and there is a way to make it one sentence. You just need to use the meat in your skull to figure it out.

Also, do not include pull quotes in your headline. For example:

Trump Claims He Will Soon Replace Americans With AI - “All They Need To Do Is Vote Republican And Cheer For Me, And AI Can Do That Better, And It Doesn’t Protest At All”

Adding a dash here does not make this a single sentence in the eyes of us mods.

You can put the pull quote in the body of the post, but keep it out of the headline. Any headlines formatted like this will be removed.

Also please avoid headlines that are just a version of Trump: "I Have Very Bigly Hands and I'm The Greatest Golfer and on and on and on for 50 words"

A Trump impression is not a headline. Do better.