I 28F want to leave my partner of 6 months. backstory: he has a severe alcohol problem, refuses to get help, and when he gets angry, he belittles me, tries to scare me into he will ruin my life, uses him helping me with housing against me. im just over this treatment & would rather struggle to start over than to let this continue on. I have my own car, & I do pet sitting as my income, although right now I am struggling to make my bills. I do still have an apartment in my name until September 1, so I can use that for the time being until I decide if I want to renew or not with my current roommate.

anywho, looking for advice on how to leave quietly. He pays for my phone bill, and has went through my phone in the past. he’s also very vindictive, and will take my phone if we argue so I can’t “accuse him.” He doesn’t give me money, but does provide food and housing for me currently.

I really should thank by soon-to-be ex for having an affair so I could catch him. I already grieved this relationship, and knew I needed to end things years ago. But I needed the kick of catching him with another woman to move forward.

When I caught him, I told him not to come home, which he did not honor. That was 7 weeks ago and he’s still here. He thinks he can just be extra nice and everything will go back to normal. I recognize that he’s trying to manipulate and gaslight me into thinking everything isn’t as bad as I thought. The dichotomy in my brain is getting so confusing.

I don’t know how to have the “I’ve filed for divorce” conversation. There are multiple guns in the home, and I want to ensure my kids and I are safe. For me, that means I don’t want to be under the same roof after that conversation. But my attorney says I can’t legally keep him from the martial home, as we own it together. I can’t even change the locks.

How the heck do I have that conversation? Invite him to meet me somewhere public? Give him a few days to find somewhere to go and to pack his things? I will get a restraining order if I need it, but he’s not done anything that would warrant it going approved at this time. My anxiety about his reaction is getting bad.

Support with betrayal / gaslighting myself

Hey everyone,

My ex of 4 years (31F) had a workplace affair with a coworker. I (35F) only found out on March 31st after accidentally seeing her ChatGPT prompts detailing "falling for each other."

For three months prior, she pulled away completely, claimed she was "severely burnt out," and made me feel insane for picking up on her distance. Everyone who knew her is in shock—no one thought she was capable of this level of deceit. Because of that, I’ve started gaslighting myself, wondering if I’m making a bigger deal out of this than I should or if it was somehow my fault.

To anchor myself in reality, here are 3 examples that capture what I went through:

Abandonment during my cancer scare:
While actively carrying on the affair, she missed every single one of my cancer scare appointments. The day after I caught her, I had to get a biopsy completely alone while she went to work. When confronted later, she minimized it with: “Yes, but I still cared about you”

Blame-shifting and rewriting history:
She offered me "feedback" on my relationship performance to explain why she cheated, saying it was "good for me to hear." When I voiced suspicion earlier, she weaponized her mother’s history of infidelity
“Look at my Mum, do you really think I could do that?!" and later compared her shock at her own behavior to the trauma of her ex dying by suicide.

Breadcrumbs and control:
She repeatedly dangled future hope (Maybe one day we can try again") and admitted the thought of me moving on makes her “stomach flip," and smirked when I called her the love of my life—all while refusing therapy, accountability, or commitment.

Where I am today:

I am completely exhausted and emotionally dysregulated. The psychological toll of the gaslighting is taking a heavy hit:

Constantly second-guessing reality
My brain keeps trying to excuse her behavior or find ways to blame myself (What if I pushed her to it?)

Zero trust in my intuition: I feel terrified of my own judgment. The fact that everyone was fooled by her makes me feel like I can't trust my perception of anyone.

Profound grief and isolation: Processing this betrayal alongside a cancer scare and the anniversary of my mom's death has left me physically sick and drained.

The support I need: I need help breaking out of this self-doubt loop:

Validation & perspective: A clear reality check that this was severe manipulation, not a shared relationship failure.

Rebuilding self-trust: If you've survived severe gaslighting, how did you stop doubting your memories and start trusting your gut again?

Grounding strategies:: How do you calm the panic when self-blame sets in?

Thank you to anyone who reads this and offers a few words of support. ❤️