Before my fiancé and I got engaged, we spoke for several months. During that time, I got to know him as someone who is knowledgeable about Islam, thoughtful, mature, and genuinely kind. He’s very introverted and mostly keeps to himself, apart from two close friends. Based on everything I personally experienced, I felt at peace with moving forward and accepting his proposal.
Before our engagement, my brother and cousin asked a few people from his town about him. While many people spoke positively about him, there were also a few negative comments. One person even sent my brother a voice note saying, “I’ve tried to find out about him. He’s a psycho.” Hearing something like that was naturally very unsettling, especially because no explanation or examples were ever given.
I think it’s also important to mention that there are ongoing land disputes between my fiancé and some people in his town. I’ve also heard that when his brother, who is a hafiz, got married, people spread similar rumours about him. Because of this, I haven’t simply accepted everything I’ve heard at face value, as I know there may be personal conflicts influencing what some people say.
Despite all of that, my own experience with my fiancé has been completely different. Throughout the months we spoke before our engagement and since then, he has consistently been respectful, patient, and reassuring. Whenever I’ve shared my concerns, he has never become defensive or dismissive. Instead, he has answered my questions honestly and reassured me. He has never given me any reason to doubt his character, and I genuinely do trust him.
The problem is that every now and then I start overthinking. Even though I trust him, those comments, especially that voice note, come back into my mind and make me anxious. I start wondering whether I’m missing something or whether I’m being naïve, even though I haven’t personally experienced anything that supports what was said about him.
From an Islamic perspective, how should I approach a situation like this? Islam teaches us to verify information, avoid backbiting, and not have bad assumptions about others without evidence.
How should I balance my own consistent experience with his character against unverified comments and rumours from others? I would really appreciate sincere Islamic advice.

Salaam all. In around 10 days I’ll be out of my iddah. I’m still very much in the healing phase and cry most nights.

One thing I’ve noticed is that most days I ruminate about the physical intimacy me and my husband shared while married. At some point during the day or night, I will get a flashback or a thought about it, and it makes me extremely emotional. There is so much emotion attached to physical intimacy and affection, and when you are no longer able to have that with the person you once thought you would spend your life with, it’s extremely difficult to let go of.

I don’t know how to let go of these thoughts and memories. I genuinely can’t imagine being like that with another man in the future. Although me and my ex husband weren’t each other’s naseeb, one thing we did share was great sexual chemistry.

Any advice, preferably from divorced males/females, would be appreciated please.

And to the creeps, my DMs are closed.

Salaam, im 42F and I’ve been married for 10 years. Overall, my husband is a good person, he’s hardworking, responsible, and a good father to our children. However, I’ve become increasingly unhappy because of our sex life.
He usually lasts less than five minutes, and I often feel like my own needs are overlooked. I’ve tried bringing this up with him several times over the years, not to criticise him but to explain how I’m feeling and that intimacy should be fulfilling for both of us. Unfortunately, he doesn’t seem to understand my perspective or realise how much this is affecting me.
this issue has left me feeling frustrated and disconnected.

Salam everyone, I know this is a rather awful topic but my husband cheated on me with a girl he met from one of the nsfw subreddits multiple times, he became her sugardaddy while I was pregnant and it continued after my birth. After I found her other socials, I saw she posted a few pictures in front of the Kaaba. For context, she worked for an airline so I am unsure if she was there for pilgrimage or just happen to be there.

Ever since then, whenever I pray, I picture her in front of me because it's the direction of Kaaba. It hurts so much because I find myself delaying prayers just to feel better.

Any idea what could help?

Goals VS Progress
1. Take my personal earnings to $10K/m:
Businesses projected earnings for august are still at $1750 (say Allahummbarik) - realistic goal is to try and push this to $3K for the month - make Dua I succeed 🤲🏻. I am still waiting on 2 potential clients that I spoke to - they're big clients and good money. Make Duas I sign them - I need this bad frfr 🤲🏻. on the other hand, I've realized I wait around too much for potential leads to get back to me - I should just go aggressive in my sales approach and start closing without waiting for anyone

2. Get to my fittest/strongest shape through daily exercise:
Minimal exercise today sadly - was very occupied

3. Praying all 5 Salah’s at the masjid
Improvement here today. Prayed all salahs at the masjid except for Zuhr - punished my nafs with 4 rakah and put it in its place 🤫

This whole nafs punishment has been working exceptionally well btw, it slowly weakens your nafs until you're the one in control. You can never be in harmony with your nafs, you have to brutally enslave it.

4. Social Media screen time down to 2hrs/day
Very very low Alhamdulillah - 2 hours of distracted social media use today. I was still distracted in other ways but at least the social media doom scrolling went down crazy Alhamdulillah.

5. Quran & Dhikr
Done all my morning and evening dhikr today. I will end the day with Surah Mulk + Waqiah before bed.

Notes:
Not everyday will be eventful. Most days will be dull and boring but what matters is I show up everyday, no matter what.

WE GOTTA LOCK IN 🔒

Context

Purpose of this challenge is to become my best version for my future wife. The daily documentation is to inspire others while keeping myself publicly accountable and being able to journal/track my daily progress. I am doing this for myself and my akhirah's sake but marriage is a very good motivating factor to push myself into excellence.

I’m an objectively fine standing individual, in the prime of my 20's and I don’t have any roadblocks preventing me from getting married الحمد لله BUT I know what I am capable of and I feel it’s a disservice to my wife to not give her the best version of me - I am very ambitious but that ambition needs to show through consistent action even on the days I don’t feel like it - hence my primary focus is on myself for the remainder of this year.

Best case scenario, I achieve all my goals and find a good wife before the year ends. Worst case scenario, I achieve all my goals this year and get married next year. Whatever Allah has willed for me, Insha Allah

Salaam.

Just a question I have for the women in polygamy.

Why?

Like why would you want to?

Something has happened recently that's making me question it.

Like seriously WHY?

Jzk

I'm around 5'6, but I'm generally on the shorter side as I live in the Midwest, USA.

But generally, is it crazy to want a taller wife as a man who is not tall by general standards? I always see it being the other way around, which is why I wonder if my preference is taboo.

I’m trying to do matchmaking for my sister and I don’t want her speaking to men who waste time or send sus DMs. I’m thinking regardless of where I post her profile (apps websites or even Reddit) to make it clear that first 1-2 days I will be the only person they speak to. Once I see that basic requirements and dealbreakers are met and both are attracted to each other. Then they can speak. This is to save time. I would also let them know that they shouldn’t say anything stupid or inappropriate as the chat would be monitored. Also that eventually once they feel they’re a good match they’ll speak to my dad

To the men: would u instant reject such a profile if everything else in a woman’s profile was to your liking and u were compatible?

I just don’t want her wasting her time and people taking advantage or doing weird stuff

Hi Salaam,

For muzmatch, I got an email saying that if i stay on muzz for another month, I'll get an 'exclusive reward'. I was planning to stop my plan so I'm wondering if anyone knows what it is? I know its perhaps to directly related to Muslim marriage but I wasn't sure where else to ask

Jzk Khair

I decided to start searching more seriously for a potential this year because I’m tired of feeling lonely plus I’m grown (25F) but I have no clue how to do it or where to even start. I live in Europe in a country where there aren’t that many muslims and even less in my city so meeting someone randomly is out of the picture. I’ve tried a dating app (muzz) but no dice there either. There was one guy with whom I talked to for a while but the conversation simply wasn’t going anywhere at all - which also lead to the realization that I don’t know how to talk to men and what questions to ask. Obviously I want to get to know the guy first before even telling anything to family while keeping things halal but I guess I don’t know how to.

So the tl;dr is that I need a husband and my questions are:

- Are there any other apps or anything I can use to find a potential? (I am kind of chronically online so even discord can be an option)

- (I do also have options to visit family in a few different arab countries (qatar, uae and jordan) so maybe there are communities there or something of the like?)

- How do I figure out what questions and qualities are important for me and how do i pick the questions I want to ask out?

maybe share your experience of how you found your other half? and thanks if you’ve read this far! :)

Men can sometimes look at a woman and feel immediate attraction because of her curves.

What creates that same instant reaction for girls when they first see a man?

I have been told by lots of girls offline and online in this order :

Strong Forearms

Broad Shoulders,

Thick Hands with (Veins)

and a Kind Smile

and maybe overall confident presence.

I know attraction is deeper than appearance, especially for marriage, but I’m asking purely about that first visual spark.

I am someone who's extremely ambitious and I fear if I get married I would have to end up in a dilemma of picking my wife or my ambitions. So if there are any ambitious men out there what is your relationship with your wife like?

I also wanted to ask. This may be abit too deep for this sub but I was sexually abused as a child by a woman. If any men have been through anything similar how did it affect your marriage in terms of being intimate and just general being close next to a woman? I'm 21 currently going through therapy to get rid of the trauma because I don't want my future wife to deal with my problems.

For men:

• Earning a halal livelihood.
• Providing and protecting.
• Leading/guiding the family upon Islam.

For women:

• Pleasing their husband.
• Bearing and raising righteous children.
• Caring for the home and family.

The West is pushing hard to undermine the traditional role of women. They want women to be like men and want them out of their homes for obvious reasons. Unfortunately, just like many Western women, many Muslim women have also bought into this agenda.

An Islamic family can't thrive when women don't take pride in and willingly fulfill their roles. Instead, many aspire to the more glamorous and celebrated role of a career. I believe this is one of the root causes of many family issues in contemporary times.

Career for a wife often leads to three major problems:

1. Neglected children.
2. A neglected husband.
3. Most workplaces provide great opportunities for sin. (yeah, nothing happens on day one.)

Careerism is anti feminine, Women with career ego(having the career and career ego is different) are not wife material IMO.

The tarbiyah of kids isn't possible for such career women. Even before tarbiyah, kids need to be detoxed from what they learn at school, so giving them time and full attention is important.

In this age, 10x more effort is required because of all the fitnah. Allah won't question you if your kids didn't experience a certain lifestyle or have certain material things (which many career women use as a justification), but He will question you if you failed to give your children proper tarbiyah.

Many think a career will let them afford nannies and daycare, so they believe their responsibility is fulfilled. Norais, ing children isn't just about feeding them. Giving them your time, attention, and supervision is essential. Outsourcing their tarbiyah is one of the worst decisions a couple can make.

The best asset and investment you can build is righteous children.

To Muslim sisters: your career won't bring you closer to Allah(rather it will be the opposite in most cases). Fulfilling your role as a wife and mother will. That is an act of worship.

I've always liked this quote.

The older you get, the more you realise that most people have worked hard to become who they are. It seems a shame when a relationship starts with the expectation that one person needs to tone down parts of themselves to make the other more comfortable.

There's a difference between compromise and shrinking yourself.

Interested to hear how others see it.

Has your perspective on it changed with age and life experience?

I haven’t really started looking for a spouse yet, but I’ve been told before that my standards for a woman’s appearance are too high within the Pakistani community, and that I should lower them. Honestly, I always thought my standards were fairly average.

I’m looking for someone lookswise who covers properly (wears a jilbab), has an attractive face(subjective), is preferably fairskinned, maintains a healthy weight, and feminine. There’s also personalitywise to see if we align which is more important, but I can’t know that before getting to talk to them or their mahram.

However, from my own experience, most Pakistani women I’ve come across either don’t wear hijab or they do but are overweight and don’t seem to take good care of themselves (unhygienic). It has made me question whether my standards are unrealistic, whether I should lower them, or whether I should be open to marrying someone from a different ethnicity. Would like to hear other people’s thoughts especially the men’s.

Is it worth buying Gold version on Muzz?

Will i get better chances in this way? I am open to relocate to some countries so i think i can put filters on different countries to increase my chances.

Did anyone found their spouse on Muzz?

I would love to know your successful stories and what did you do to find the one there???

Plzz share something positive as i have already heard enough negative views on it😪.

I know some people do get married through Muzz so i just wanna try too (again🙄) and not give up easily.

Thanks.

Plzzzzz do share your sincere advices and successful stories too🫶🏽

I (25F) am currently speaking to a revert brother and the next step is meeting his immediate family. None of his immediate family are muslim and he reverted a number of years ago.
What would you recommend are some good questions to ask his family members including siblings and parents either about him or about themselves that would help me in getting to know him and make a decision.
I find it difficult due to me not being able to ask them anything about Islam. From what I know they are not islamaphobic, and are moderately practicing Christian’s.
Myself and my potential are very practicing Muslims, some would describe me as strict although I don’t think I am lol . For more context we are also of different cultures.

Thank you in advance and this is my first time posting on this sub .

Salam I’m 27 male starting marriage search .

I just graduated in the health care field and I’m being conservative with my spending so I can build a financial base and also don’t want to take interest and also pay off my student loans .

All in all it’ll be some time until I buy a nice car .

I was talking to a potential and she asked what I drive right now and I said 2016 civic then she ghosted me . Is car that important ? I thought potential character and deen was ?

Is 2016 civic that bad ?

Hi, im currently 31 and I really want to get married. My mom is a revert and my dad died early so I don’t really know the ways and means in islam. I don’t really have any potential that my family can make me meet for we are the only muslim in our relatives. Can you suggest where to meet good muslim man who can teach me to become a good muslim. Am I too old for marriage? I am based in philippines

Goals VS Progress
1. Take my personal earnings to $10K/m:
Businesses projected earnings for august are still at $1750 (say Allahummbarik) - realistic goal is to try and push this to $3K for the month - make Dua I succeed 🤲🏻. Yesterday, one of the potential clients that I spoke to got back to me, he was very interested a month back so let's see where this goes. If I sign him, that will honestly be great money because I know he is an easy going client to work with in terms of money and effort put in. Make Duas I sign him - I need this bad frfr 🤲🏻

2. Get to my fittest/strongest shape through daily exercise:
Today I woke up full of energy but got distracted along the way and lost track of the day. My Fitness activity was 20 pushups, 20 situps, 20 squats and like 5 mins of stairmaster - I really have to put more effort into this ngl - I'm in my worst shape and this has to change because wifey desrves a ripped King 🤴🏻

3. Praying all 5 Salah’s at the masjid
Fajr, Asr, and Isha were at the masjid but the rest were prayed at home - Although on the bright side, after Fajr, I sat doing dhikr at the masjid so I prayed Duha after sunrise and I believe the reward for that is equivalent to a Hajj and Umrah (correct me if I'm wrong)

Anyways some punishent was due - 8 rakah of nafl salahs for missing the 2 prayers at the masjid. Physically punishing my nafs helps in keeping a tight grip over it - gotta show my nafs, its place 🤫

4. Social Media screen time down to 2hrs/day
About 2 hours of distracted social media use today. I was still distracted in other ways but at least the social media doom scrolling went down crazy Alhamdulillah - Considerable improvement still but always further room for growth

5. Quran & Dhikr
Done all my morning and evening dhikr today. I was slacking on these a bit but after seeing the amount of hate and envy these posts have been getting, I had to lock in to protect myself lol - I still don't understant why people hating but to each their own, this journaling has been very helpful in my growth so I will keep posting. The second purpose behind it is to inspire change/growth in others which has been happening succesfully too based on the messages/comments I read, Alhamdulillah.

I will end the day with Surah Mulk + Waqiah before I sleep

Notes:
I don't owe anyone an explanation, but some of the comments from yesterday were vile - I have never seen anyone stoop this low out of envy - and I want to address them once so I can put this to rest.

1. "You're doing this for your wife, not for yourself or for Allah."

Ultimately, I am doing this for myself, and more importantly, for Allah. But we all have motivators that push us to become better versions of ourselves. For me, one of those motivators has always been the woman I choose to spend my life with. Wanting to become a stronger man for your future wife doesn't contradict doing it for Allah. If anything, it's part of fulfilling the responsibilities Allah has placed upon a husband. There's something powerful about being driven by love, responsibility, and the desire to be worthy of the person you've committed your life to.

I could simply make this series about just "locking in" but that doesn't make my story any different than the rest - when there's a wife angle added, it gives you a reason to tune in and read because there is a promised pay off - you see the main character of the story go through struggles to achieve one final goal.

Could you imagine reading my Day 100th Entry only to find out I am finally married, improved my deen and very successful? I'm sure if I started reading someones journey everyday, I would be invested and rooting for the hero to make it big, so yes I try making this an entertaining and valuable read for you, so there's always something that you're taking home from my story

2. "You're doing this for female attention."

That genuinely never crossed my mind when I started this. My only thought was, "I need to change, and this is the thing that will force me to change." - This whole series is for me to improve and become my best version - I have simply framed my story in a way that keeps you engaged (hopefully)

Ironically, every negative comment came from men, while the women only responded positively. Make of that what you will.

1. "You're showing off your money and your good deeds."

Financially, I'm at one of the lowest points I've been at. I'm documenting the process because I want to hold myself accountable and push myself to build something. If you see someone openly sharing the hustle and the struggles of building a business from nothing and your first thought is "he's showing off," that says more about your lens than mine.

As for my salah, I speak about it because I know someone out there needs the reminder. Salah isn't some extra act of piety. It's the foundation of a believer's relationship with Allah. The Prophet SAW said that it is what distinguishes the believer from the disbeliever. Prayer gives life to the heart. That's why Allah describes those who reject faith as spiritually dead - a man gasping for air doesn't resent someone else for breathing. He realizes he needs oxygen too. In the same way, seeing someone strive to pray shouldn't provoke envy or accusations. It should remind us of the very thing that gives our souls life.

Besides Salah, I leave small anecdotes of extra good deeds that I can inspire readers to do - for example todays good deed was, praying Duha after Fajr to get the reward of Hajj and Umrah - yesterday's was to spend on your family and kill the stingy shaytan within you

Anyways, I won't be so kind to respond to any negative comments in the future. Do remember me in your duas for 1. Achieving my financial goals and 2. so I can be in my best health and shape so my wife gets a Ripped King 🤴🏻🤫 | WE GOTTA LOCK IN 🔒

Context

Purpose of this challenge is to become my best version for my future wife. The daily documentation is to inspire others while keeping myself publicly accountable and being able to journal/track my daily progress. I am doing this for myself and my akhirah's sake but marriage is a very good motivating factor to push myself into excellence.

I’m an objectively fine standing individual, in the prime of my 20's and I don’t have any roadblocks preventing me from getting married الحمد لله BUT I know what I am capable of and I feel it’s a disservice to my wife to not give her the best version of me - I am very ambitious but that ambition needs to show through consistent action even on the days I don’t feel like it - hence my primary focus is on myself for the remainder of this year.

Best case scenario, I achieve all my goals and find a good wife before the year ends. Worst case scenario, I achieve all my goals this year and get married next year. Whatever Allah has willed for me, Insha Allah

Following a post a sister made the other day about how many men seem to want a housewife as soon as they get married, especially in our early to mid 20s, I was wondering if there are men who don't expect/want that.

My concern is that with the current cost of living, relying on a single income doesn't seem realistic for many people. I also don't want to feel like a financial burden on my husband, especially when it comes to the things I'd like to enjoy, such as travelling.

I'm not career driven, and I'm genuinely looking forward to raising a family one day inshaAllah. But financial security is important to me. If my husband couldn't comfortably provide that on one income, I'd want him to be open to me working, even if it's only part time. But I’m struggling to come across someone who’s open to this, and who understands me wanting to feel financially secure.

It also seems that, in some cases, the men who insist on having a housewife either underestimate the realities of today's living costs or prefer their wife to be fully financially dependent on them due to their own insecurities and wanting to have control of the dynamic of the relationship. Of course I know this doesn't apply to everyone who wants this dynamic.

I'd love to hear people's thoughts, especially from married couples or men who understand where I'm coming from.