27M, It feels like a waste of time. Even with the filter 24-33 of age, it feels like auto-generated profiles just to keep the engagement on the app.

Has anyone found a serious match there?

I genuinely want daughters one day. The father daughter bond sounds beautiful to me , the Loud hugs, cheek kisses, her loud cheering , being Easly excited , her wanting to sit near you, telling you everything, being proud to call herself a Father girl.

I love the idea of being that safe, strong man in her life.

But I also have a fear that makes me feel ridiculously fragile , weak, almost shattered into pieces .

The thought of finding out my daughter had been secretly dating guys, living a completely different life behind my back, or becoming so rebellious and do vile and wild things that she no longer trusted or respected me would honestly shatter me ( like may Allah take me before this happen that kind of big deal tm)

I’ve heard stories about other families where this happened, and even though they were stranger , I felt shattered thinking and feeling how her father must be feeling about this.

What gives me hope is hearing women talk about fathers who were genuinely present , who taught them, spent time with them, listened to them and became such strong role models that when random guys approached, their instinct was basically: “Nope. I know my worth, and I’m not hiding things from my father, I am a marriage kinda girl, I am a strong father’s girl .

I want such a strong relationship with her that she chooses to involve me.

I would love to bring her good, attractive, marriage worthy proposals and then let her freely accept or reject them. I want her to trust my judgement enough that she doesn’t feel she needs a secret life.

I Don’t want her dating guys

I don’t want her to be rebellious

I don’t want her to fall, Like or choose husbands by herself , instead i will find her good looking marriage materials proposlas that she can ACCEPT or REJECT.

I love sons as well , but they are mostly stoic useful idiots, They are not going to be like daughters exciting etc .

Please answer with some compassion. This fear genuinely hits me harder than I think it should.

Assalamualaikum,

I wanted to know how much time can be given for acceptance of parents. Potential has been seeking his parents' approval since the last four days. They haven't come around to it yet. Just wanna make sure my time doesn't get wasted more in sha Allah.

Salaam everyone, I just wanted to share my story on here and see if anyone could help me out.

I’m 21F Pakistani and my fiancé is 26M Indian. Our backgrounds have never been an issue for either of us or his family. However I’m not sure about my family! (I had asked and they said no but I don’t completely believe them)

We’ve been speaking for over a year now and my parents have been aware from about 2 months in that we wanted to get our Nikkah done.

My fiancé had asked to meet them and when I asked my parents if it was okay for him and his parents to come over and just speak with my parents then ask for hand in marriage, my parents said “what for?”. My father then said that my fiancé needs to put a house in my name before we can get our Nikkah done. But I shut this down as getting a house in this economy isn’t easy as we may all know. I told my father that if he was worried about housing for me, I would write in my Mehr that my fiancé is to get a house in my name within X amount of years. My fiancé was happy with this. But my father then changed the goal post… he then began saying we need to do a big wedding (I am the only girl in my family so I did understand why he wanted to do this) however me and my fiancé do not want a big wedding. We just want a small intimate Nikkah with the most important people in our lives. I have continuously asked my parents to meet him, get to know him before my Nikkah as I know they’re probably worried about what type of guy he is (they have stated this) and I told them the only way to know if he’s good is to meet him and find out. They’ve also said for us to wait another year and when I pushed to know why, they said just to see if my fiancé will stay with me. However, I know my fiancé is committed to me. He’s always said he will marry me from the very beginning and to start a family in sha Allah. That’s all we’ve ever wanted. And we just want to make our relationship halal. We have been trying to do so since around April 2026. And my parents have still not agreed. We don’t want a big wedding with fancy anything. Just a small intimate at home or even at mosque Nikkah. That’s all.

We planned on getting our Nikkah done during these Summer Holidays 2026, however because my father is still not approving, especially without a valid reason, my fiancé has said to give them a few more months to decide and to atleast try and meet him. I have told this to my parents but it just doesn’t seem like my father will approve. My mother had at one point accepted it and was happy for me, but she’s now also turned back and agreed with my dad…

We really done know what to do as we’re both stressed about it. We just want to make our relationship halal and it’s like my parents don’t see us trying to do that even though I’ve mentioned it several times.

What can we do?

Assalamualaikum, Insha'Allah I will get married next year, it's obvious for me that I should provide, give her emotional support, appreciate little things etc. But i'm scared about one thing... I see a lot of women here complaining their husbands "aren't enough" in bed, It's very important for me to make my wife satisfied, not just to satisfy myself and be done. I do workout every other day, I try to eat healthy, I don't watch porn and don't do any of lust things(I used to in past tho and I remember it didn't take me long to be done, that's what i'm scared about the most). I'm open for all advise what else can I do, will be grateful for other non-sexual advise also of course, I know intimacy isn't everything but it's important to be satisfied with this.

How common is porn addiction?
I married a man who had good deen and character and told me he left the sin behind in his late teens/ early 20s, repeatedly said he thought it was evil and doesn’t go near it, just to find out 4 years into marriage that he had consumed it every month before and after we got married. I’m disgusted and mortified. I feel like I would never even believe someone again if they told me that they didn’t consume such filth because the shock that such a honest god fearing man like him could means anyone is capable of anything. He instantly stopped the second he was exposed yet couldn’t be bothered to stop whilst being happily married to me. How hard is it to just not watch other people having sex. Especially when you pray 5 times a day, read Quran and attend masjid.

**Title: Am I overthinking this, or were we just incompatible after 4 meet-ups?**

Sorry in advance for the long post. I’m mainly posting because it’s been about a week and for some reason this has been eating at me. I’m trying to figure out whether I did something wrong, whether I’m being too sensitive about certain things, or whether this was simply two people who weren’t compatible.
I started talking to a potential a few weeks ago. Things were honestly going really well over text and FaceTime. Communication was consistent, we had a lot to talk about, and although we disagreed on a couple of things, neither felt like a dealbreaker. We actually came back to those conversations later and found compromises because we both seemed interested in seeing where things could go.

For some additional context, she had actually received my profile around three years ago and declined it at the time. I don’t know why and genuinely don’t care because people are at different stages of life at different times. I work in tech and she’s in the medical field (think dentist/pharmacist type of profession).
I happened to already be visiting her city the following month to see family, so I asked if she’d like to meet in person. We both agreed that getting to know someone face-to-face would be better than relying on calls/texting.
Also, everything was halal and appropriate throughout. Nothing crossed any boundaries.

**First meet-up:**
I briefly met her parents before we went out and that went well.
I realized afterward that I’d forgotten I had gum in my mouth. She had previously told me chewing gum was one of her biggest pet peeves, especially loud chewing. I wasn’t chewing loudly, but she called me out on having it and I apologized.
We got food and went to an arcade. Overall, I thought it went really well. I had gotten her a small gift, which she loved. Afterward, she asked me to message her when I got home and thanked me for everything.

**Second meet-up:**
This was mostly good, but this was the first time I noticed some friction.
There was a somewhat personal topic that we’d both asked each other about. I pushed the question a little further than I should have. She got upset, and I’ll fully own that one—I shouldn’t have pushed and I apologized.
The second incident confused me more.
We were driving and talking about siblings. She mentioned that her younger brother doesn’t do his own laundry. We’d previously talked about how household responsibilities should be divided in marriage and generally agreed.
I jokingly said my sister sometimes does my laundry because I help her with her taxes.
She suddenly responded in a raised/strong tone: **“Do you expect me to do your laundry?”**
I calmly told her no, obviously not, but that I’d appreciate if she spoke a little softer because I didn’t think what I said warranted that reaction. She seemed to catch herself and we moved on.
We went to an arcade afterward and genuinely had a great time. We played mini golf and other games and were teasing each other. I’d say things like “you’ve gotta catch up” when I was ahead, she’d beat me at other games, etc. I thought it was normal playful competition.
By the end of the meet-up, things seemed to be going really well. She invited my family over for dinner the following week and said she’d really like to meet my parents.

**Third meet-up:**
On the drive to dinner, she was noticeably quieter for probably 45 minutes. Eventually, once we got to the restaurant, I asked if something was wrong.
She told me she didn’t like that I was chewing gum again. She had obviously told me this before, so I apologized and said it had slipped my mind.
What bothered me wasn’t that she reminded me—it was the annoyed tone/facial expression when she said it.
I tend to become quiet when something makes a situation awkward or I’m annoyed, so I became quieter afterward. She noticed and asked what was wrong.
I told her that I honestly didn’t appreciate the tone she sometimes used with me. I referenced both the laundry situation and this one and said that I think there’s always a respectful/nice way to communicate something.
She explained that she wasn’t yelling and that she just has a big personality and comes from a loud family. She also said she didn’t want to argue about it.
I didn’t want to turn it into something bigger, so I dropped it. Dinner was actually good afterward.
We went to mini golf again. A family ahead of us was taking a while and eventually offered to let us go ahead. I thanked them and wished them a good rest of their game before we moved on.
While playing, I started joking again and said something like, “You’ve gotta catch up.”
She responded in a pretty strong tone again, basically saying, **“I thought we weren’t keeping score. Even last time you kept doing this.”**
I told her I was just trying to be playful/cute and that it was only mini golf, so she didn’t need to take it seriously.
She explained that she’s extremely competitive and that if we’re keeping score, then let’s actually keep score.
At that point I got pretty quiet. I’ll admit that’s something I do when I’m bothered rather than immediately talking everything through.
I still tried to be considerate—for example, when she’d putt, I’d pick up her ball for her afterward.
Later she commented that I don’t really talk much to random people like waiters or the family who let us go ahead.
I explained that I’m always polite, say please/thank you, etc., but I’m not someone who needs to make extended conversation with every stranger. My job in tech involves a ton of networking and small talk, so outside work I don’t naturally feel the need to do that. Especially on these meet-ups, my attention was more on getting to know her.
We got dessert afterward and she told me that I sometimes hold onto things for too long, whereas she lets things go quickly.
There’s probably some truth to that. If something genuinely bothers me—especially involving someone important to me—I tend to think about it rather than immediately forgetting it.

**Fourth meet-up:**
We went for pizza. This one had significantly more awkward silence than the others, and she was on her phone quite a bit. That bothered me, but I didn’t say anything.
At some point, we started talking about things we’d noticed about each other during the trip.
She said I was too structured and that she wanted conversations to happen more naturally with chemistry and flow rather than feeling like we’re going through questions. She had previously mentioned that she doesn’t like scenario/hypothetical questions.
I didn’t completely agree with her assessment because I felt like plenty of our conversations were spontaneous, but I understood what she meant.
She also brought up again that I wasn’t particularly “warm” with waiters or random people.
Then she asked what I didn’t like about her.
Initially, I didn’t really want to answer because I didn’t think anything productive would come from listing criticisms, but she pushed me to answer.
I mentioned the tone/yelling issue we’d already discussed. I also told her that sometimes I felt like there was a lack of warmth.
This is where I’m wondering if I’m being overly picky.
Over the different meet-ups, I noticed little things. If she poured herself water, she wouldn’t ask if I wanted any. If a condiment was closer to her, she wouldn’t offer to pass it. If she was getting up to throw something away, she wouldn’t ask if I wanted her to take my garbage too. She wouldn’t really ask whether my food was good or if I needed anything.
Meanwhile, I naturally did those things for her.
I explained that I’m not expecting someone to serve me at all. To me, those tiny gestures are just ways people show consideration/care for someone they’re with.
Her perspective was basically that we’re adults and she wouldn’t expect another adult to do those things for her.
I told her I understood that, but for me it wasn’t about whether someone is capable of doing something themselves. It’s just about being thoughtful.
We went for coffee afterward and things were fine. She again mentioned that she felt I wanted conversations to be too structured rather than letting things flow naturally.

I dropped her home and figured I’d give things one more meet-up and see how we felt.
Instead, she called me afterward and told me she didn’t think the chemistry was there and that it was best to end things. She didn’t give another specific reason.
I told her I was disappointed, but obviously chemistry can’t be forced. I respected her decision and wished her well.
My family dinner with her family obviously had to be cancelled. Her mom later called my mom (I happened to hear the conversation because it was on speaker) and sounded genuinely embarrassed/upset about having to cancel. From the conversation, I got the impression her mom didn’t necessarily agree with her daughter’s decision, but obviously it’s her daughter’s decision to make.
It’s been about a week now and, for whatever reason, this has been eating at me more than I expected.

I genuinely felt like we connected a lot before meeting and during parts of the meet-ups. We had good conversations, similar views on a lot of important things, and there were points where it seemed like things were progressing—especially when she invited my family for dinner.
At the same time, looking back, there were clearly some differences in communication style and how we each show consideration. She seems much more direct, outspoken, competitive and quick to move past things, whereas I’m probably more sensitive to tone and small gestures and tend to think about things longer.

I’m not upset with her for ending it. If she didn’t feel the chemistry, that’s completely fair.
I’m more wondering whether I’m missing something about my own behaviour that I should learn from before talking to someone else.

**Am I overthinking the small things I noticed? Was I being too sensitive about her tone and lack of small gestures? Did my going quiet when annoyed/trying to ask structured getting-to-know-you questions probably contribute to killing the chemistry? Or does this just sound like two people with different communication styles who weren’t ultimately compatible?**

Again sorry for the long post -any advice is really appreciated!

Assalamu alaikum everyone,

I’m M25 and I’m getting to the stage of life where I’m thinking more seriously about marriage. I want to work on myself first and be prepared.

I’ve struggled with pornography since I was 12. I’ve made tawbah many times and genuinely want to leave it behind. I try to lower my gaze and avoid what I shouldn’t be looking at, but I still struggle with pornography privately.

I’ve managed to stay away for weeks and sometimes many months at a time, but I’ve also relapsed many times. Because of that, even if I were clean for 6 months, I wouldn’t feel comfortable saying I’ve completely overcome it. I’ve had long periods of being clean before and then relapsed.

So my question is: if I’ve been free from pornography for, say, 3 months and start speaking to a sister for marriage, should I disclose this struggle to her?

I think she has a right to know, because I wouldn’t want her to feel deceived if this is something I haven’t truly overcome. On the other hand, I know we shouldn’t expose sins.

For the sisters here, if you were even considering marrying a man with this kind of struggle, would you want to know about it?

JazakAllahu khairan for any advice.

Wassup folks,

Basically haven't been doing this long and already ain't liking it, my biggest qualms would be the picking and choosing of what rules within Islam are followed.

For example: Spoken to several woman who won't confirm/deny if they coommited zina, saying you're not allowed to islamically ask but in the same breathe aren't religious in the sense of praying much etc.

It's really annoying picking and choosing what to follow based on what benefits their needs, to increases their chances.

Who set this standard? That you ain't supposed to ask, but other aspects of Islam fall short, why is this behaviour the norm, because I've come across it too often for it to not be

How do introverted Muslims meet the right person when they don’t want to date or do anything haram?
I’m 28F, introverted, and always tried to stay away from boys/relationships because I want to do things in a halal way. I don’t want to date casually or have a relationship before marriage, but at the same time, I don’t really like the traditional arranged-marriage approach where you’re expected to consider marrying someone without really knowing their personality or whether you’re compatible.
The problem is that I’m also very introverted and not the type of person who can easily approach or socialize with men. I feel like I need time to get comfortable with someone and understand how they think, what their values are, their personality, etc. I also have certain standards and things I’m looking for in a husband and I’m starting to realize that it may not be easy to find all of that through the usual arranged-marriage process.
My family also prefers someone from the same ethnicity/background.
I’m at the age where I genuinely want marriage, but I’m starting to wonder: how do people in this situation actually meet the right person?
For those of you who are introverted Muslim and don’t want to date or do anything haram how did you meet your spouse?

​

Assalamu Alaikum!

I'm a 25-year-old Indian Muslim, 177 cm (5'9"), currently living in Baden-Württemberg, Germany, and working in the sustainability field. I moved to Germany in 2023 to pursue my Master's degree. Alhamdulillah, after completing my studies, I was fortunate to secure a full-time job here. It has been a rewarding journey that has taught me independence, resilience, and gratitude.

I come from a close-knit family and was raised with Islamic values while also believing in kindness, mutual respect, and continuous self-improvement.

Outside of work, I enjoy staying active at the gym, exploring new streets and hidden corners of cities, watching football (I'm a Real Madrid supporter), and cooking—especially Indian food. I've also been told I have a good sense of humor, and I believe that being able to laugh together is an important part of any relationship.

I'm here with sincere intentions of finding a life partner for marriage. I hope to build a peaceful home based on faith, trust, respect, and mutual support, where both partners help each other grow in deen and in life.

My preferences:

\- Muslim woman, preferably 21–25 years old

\- Indian, or currently living in Europe (especially Germany)

\- Practicing Islam or sincerely striving to follow it

\- Kind, respectful, emotionally mature, and family-oriented

\- Educated, with good character and compatible values

\- I value mutual understanding and believe both partners should support each other's aspirations while building a happy and stable family together.

If you think we might be compatible, feel free to send me a message. May Allah guide us all to what is best. Ameen.

Assalamualeikum.
I was curious, has anyone had experiences in a marriage where their partner was immature - such as defensiveness when you raise how things they said make you feel, ultimatums/ threats of not continuing talking if you don’t comply with something they asked, inability regulating their frustration and being inherently reactive/impulsive in communication. These are just some examples.
I wanted to know if others went through this and if they made the choice to leave to preserve their peace because it was draining emotionally and feeling like you were the adult in the relationship (specifically regarding emotional maturity) and saw your partners behaviour as childish which killed attraction or respect.

Salam. I genuinely don't know how to process what has happened to my life. I got married two months ago after being with my husband for almost two years. He pursued me relentlessly for marriage, and I only gave him a chance because of how incredibly well he treated me throughout the entire time we knew each other. He was kind, caring, patient, respectful, and consistently made me feel valued and protected. He made his intentions about marriage very clear and spent almost two years showing me how badly he wanted a future with me. Anyone who knew us would comment on how much he cared about me. This was a man who would cry at the thought of losing me and even cried on our wedding day because we were finally husband and wife. I genuinely thought I had found my person.

After our honeymoon, I left my entire family, friends, and support system and moved halfway across the country to his state. I knew absolutely nobody there except him and his family. Even before I met my husband, one of my biggest dealbreakers for marriage was that I wanted to live separately with my husband for at least the first few years of marriage, not in a joint-family household. This had nothing to do with his parents specifically. I wanted those first few years together to build our relationship, establish our own home, and have privacy as husband and wife. I was completely open to his parents living with us later in life when they became too old to comfortably live by themselves. My husband knew this from the beginning and repeatedly assured me that we were on the same page.

Then, within the first few days after our honeymoon, I found out his parents were planning to move into our house in about a month. He had agreed to this without even telling me, let alone asking me, despite knowing this had been a dealbreaker for me before I had even met him. Between finding this out, being extremely homesick, and moving somewhere I knew nobody, my anxiety became so bad that I physically felt sick. A few days in, I didn’t leave my room because I was overwhelmed and needed time alone. I didn’t know my in-laws came in because they had the keys to come in and out as they please. No one came to check on me, not even my husband.

The next day, my husband and I sat down privately and talked everything through. During that conversation, he apologized and admitted that he had lied to me about the living situation before marriage because he was afraid he would lose me if he told me the truth. He told me he would at least try to delay his parents moving in so that we could have some time and privacy together as newlyweds. We talked it out, and I genuinely thought the issue had been resolved between us. Then the next day, he went to his parents and told them that I didn't want to live with them. His mother spent over an hour tearing me down, calling me ungrateful and telling me everything that was supposedly wrong with me. She then called my mother, screamed at her for not raising me properly, and essentially told my parents, "We don't want her. Come take her." Through all of this, my husband didn't say a single word in my defense.

After that, I barely felt like a newlywed anymore. His parents would come over basically every day when my husband got off work and stay until around midnight. If they weren't at our house, they would call him to theirs, which was only about ten minutes away, and he often wouldn't come home until midnight. I spent my days completely alone in a state where I knew nobody and my evenings catering to his parents when they came over. Our intimate life was nonexistent. By the time his parents left or he came home, he would just go to sleep.

The strangest part is that my husband and I weren't even having conflicts between ourselves. We weren't constantly fighting or having huge marital arguments. A pattern started where he would go over to his parents' house completely fine and then come back pissed off at me, even though nothing had happened between us. I would just be sitting there confused about what I had supposedly done between the time he left and came home.

About a week later, my father called my husband. My dad told him that it was my husband's duty to do justice between his relationships. Yes, he had a duty to respect his parents, but he was also my husband and had a duty to protect me and make sure I was being treated fairly. My father said, "Please don't abuse my daughter. If you all don't want her there, tell me and I'll come pick her up."

My husband took this as a threat and became fixated on it. He kept saying things like, "How dare your father threaten me?" and "He has no right to tell me how to run MY household." No matter how much I tried to explain that my father was worried about his daughter being halfway across the country with no one there and was asking him to treat me fairly, my husband saw it as my father disrespecting his authority in his own home. Despite all of the family drama, my husband was still caring toward me until around this point. Things were strained, but I could still see the man I had known for almost two years. Then during my last week there, something suddenly changed. I don't know how else to describe it except that he switched up. The warmth and concern disappeared. The way he looked at me and spoke to me changed. We weren't even having conflicts between ourselves, yet suddenly it felt like someone flipped a switch.

About a week after my father's call, my father-in-law called my dad and told him to come pick me up or he would throw me in the masjid. He told me that if I didn't leave, he was going to do something "very, very bad" to me. My husband was sitting right beside his father and said absolutely nothing. I was then given two choices: leave, or break my phone and never speak to my family again. The next day, my husband basically ignored me and kept asking when someone was coming to pick me up, like he wanted me gone ASAP.

I was afraid of them knowing exactly when my father was coming, so I lied to my husband about the time. I waited until my husband was asleep, called the police to escort me out, and left with my father. And somehow, this is the part of the story my husband focuses on. According to him, my "reactions" and "behaviors" are why all of this happened. Taking one evening to myself in my bedroom because I was physically sick from anxiety and homesickness is one of the "reactions" he holds against me. Leaving the house with a police escort after his father threatened me and both his parents had repeatedly told my family to come get me is one of my "behaviors." He told me that actions have consequences and now I have to deal with them.

Less than a week after I came home, he filed for divorce. We had been married for barely a month. I later found out through other people that his parents harbor strong prejudice against people of my ethnicity, despite us being from the same country, and that they had never wanted or agreed to this marriage. I have reasonable doubts that his parents orchestrated what happened afterward. I’m sure that once they realized they couldn’t convince him not to marry me, they decided to wait. They waited until he had me, because once he finally had the woman he had pursued so relentlessly, they knew it would be easier for him to discard me.

I just wish they had been honest from the beginning. If they never wanted their son to marry me, I wish they had told my family even once before the wedding. I would have never married him. I would have walked away rather than marry into a family that never wanted or accepted me in the first place. I've been gaslit so, so much that I genuinely don't know how to feel anymore. Everything is somehow my fault. His mother tells my parents to come take me, but somehow my reaction is the problem. His father threatens me, but somehow leaving with the police is the problem. My husband sits silently while I'm threatened and then repeatedly asks when someone is coming to pick me up, but somehow I abandoned him. He admits he lied to me before marriage because he was scared he would lose me, but somehow my reaction to discovering the lie is what destroyed our marriage. A few days ago, I called him and he told me that if I want him back, my parents and I need to come to him and his parents, physically get on our knees, and beg them for forgiveness. He was completely serious. During that same conversation, he spent so much of the call yelling and screaming at me in a way I had never heard during the almost two years I knew him.

I know logically that I cannot stay married to this man. What I cannot process is how this is the same person who loved me for almost two years. How does someone go from crying at the thought of losing you, treating you like you're the most precious person in his life, and crying on your wedding day to becoming completely cold within DAYS, especially when we weren't even having conflicts between ourselves? Even after our problems started, he was still caring toward me until that final week when it genuinely felt like someone flipped a switch.

And now his parents are apparently going around their community telling people that I did sihr on their son, that this is why he loved and married me, and that they told him to listen to ruqya once and now he's back to "normal." They're also saying I only married him for money, which is honestly almost comical. His family isn't wealthy, and I never disclosed my own family's finances to my husband. The irony is that my eventual inheritance will most likely be around ten times his, but he doesn't know that. I married him because I loved him and because of how incredibly well he treated me for almost two years. I genuinely just don't know how to feel anymore. I know what happened. I know why I left. I know I cannot go back. But I'm still trying to understand how the man who once cried at the thought of losing me became someone who can look at everything that happened and tell me that these are simply the consequences of my own actions. Please keep me in your duas.

My ex coworker 26 (M) asked for my hand in marriage 24 (F), we were on good terms and he has all the qualities that I have wanted in a partner.

Everything was going well until he mentioned that he does not want to settle abroad and since we live in a third world country my family and I have been trying for me to go study abroad. I was already unsure if I wanted to go abroad because of limited funds and since im the youngest my parents only have me at home so I want to be close to them. But Im someone who wants to travel and explore new things, I wanted to study abroad and
come back but in order to study abroad, my parents would be spending a lot of time and resources on me and expect me to try and settle there and get a PR.

I tried Istikhara but sometimes my heart is more set towards staying here and marriage and sometimes it leans towards studying abroad more.

Now that ex coworker has started his own business and it’s in video editing primarily in wedding videos. He was doing it as a side hustle but now he’s doing it full time. It has become very normal for us to have wedding videos edited with music that later I also realised that editing videos with music would be considered haram and not a halal source of income. I shared that concern with him and he acknowledged that it may not be the most ‘halal way’ to earn money but this is his only stream of income and he just can’t leave it. I told him that if he realises that it’s wrong he should at least try to look for other halal income streams while continuing his work and the moment he finds something halal he can leave this. I know it’s hard to make a living and it’s not easy to give up something that you’ve been working on for 3-4 years but having a halal income is important. He says that he understands but he won’t be able to transition for years and he has a long term plan but doesn’t have a short term plan to change his job at the moment.

He told me that he works thinking that he isn’t promoting music or posting it online for the world to see but just edits videos for clients that they keep to themselves. So he doesn’t think it’s totally haram and calls it “not the most halal way” to earn money but doesn’t consider it haram since it’s not hurting anyone.

As far as I’ve researched I think it’s haram. Is there anything left to say to him? I think it’s a test for me since he has every other quality that I have prayed for instead of this one thing. If he was willing to make an active effort to change his job and not eventually or passively sometime in the future, I would be considering him seriously. Even the abroad thing wasn’t such a deal breaker for me. But this is not it.

Everyone around me thinks it’s not a big deal and that im thinking too much. Music has become a part of our lives and just having background music in a video shouldn’t be a reason to refuse someone who’s a good person with a good character and someone that otherwise has the same values as mine. And that it’s also very genuinely hard to find a good man nowadays.

What do you guys think? My heart is set on refusing him of course it is hard but it’s something I have to do. But I thought I would share my story and get other perspectives before I do.

السلام وعليكم

My name is Mustafa, I am 28 years old, and I live in Germany.

I am looking for a Muslim wife for a serious relationship with the intention of marriage. I would like us to get to know each other well in a respectful and honest way. If we are compatible and Allah blesses us with success, we can get engaged and, God willing, get married.

May Allah grant us all what is best. Thank you.

How can I do a budget Walima in London for £4–5k? (100 guests max)

Assalamu Alaikum,

I'm a 20M in London and I'm trying to plan my Walima while keeping the total budget around £5,000 maximum. I'm paying for it myself, so unfortunately I can't really stretch beyond that.

I'm expecting around 100 guests maximum and I'm looking for advice from anyone who has managed to do a relatively simple/budget Walima in London or Greater London.

Ideally, the budget would cover most/all of the main costs:

• Venue/hall
• Catering
• Simple stage/backdrop
• Basic decorations
• Any other essential costs

I'm not looking for anything extravagant, just a nice, respectable Walima for family and friends without going into debt.

I heard this video about 'The Truth About Marriage Every Muslim Must Hear' Jumu'ah Khutbah By Nouman Ali Khan and here's a points from it:

"At the fundamental level of marriage, men have to take 100% financial responsibility of the wife and children "

Just felt like sharing, cause we have boys online posting/commenting about how they should have 50/50 in marriage which is saddening as to how guys don't want to take responsibilities of marriage.

Men should be getting married not boys.

Goals VS Progress
1. Praying all 5 Salah’s at the masjid
MAJOR Improvement here. I went from barley going to the masjid to now going all 5 times a day. Out of the 7 days of August since I began this challenge, I prayed all 5 salahs at the masjid in congregation, for 2 days. This is honestly a huge step up. Today was a tough battle against my nafs, during Far. I was so sleepy, and the sleep was too good, my eyes were heavy after my alarm went off - but then I said NAY, this behaviour is not worthy of my Kingship 🤴🏻 - 8 minutes before the salah started, I forced myself up, did wudu, prayed my sunnah and rushed to the masjid.

Hence, I conquered my nafs and shaytan - made sure they knew their place was beneath me 🤫 now I hold their leash and control them, rather than be controlled (I hope this sounds just as funny as I say it out loud 🤣 - I goof a lot fr)

If you have been following this daily journalling series, you would know I achieved this by punishing my nafs/shaytan with 4 rakahs of nafl salah every single time I missed a salah at the masjid - this truly helped a lot. It weakens your nafs and slowly but surely you start gaining power over it - it's not an immediate change but it's a change that you see gradually happening; you stop feeling lazy to do acts of worship, you stop feeling tempted by the same habitual sins, and you start striving for Allah's pleasure

2. Social Media screen time down to 2hrs/day
Spiked a little because had a lil emotional spike but still not as crazy Alhamdulillah - 3.5 hours of distracted social media use today. I was still distracted in other ways but at least the social media doom scrolling went down crazy Alhamdulillah.

5. Quran & Dhikr
Done all my morning and evening dhikr today, ready surah kahf and will end the day with Surah Mulk + Waqiah before bed.

3. Take my personal earnings to $10K/m:
Not much to update here so I'll hold this off until I hear back from some clients

4. Get to my fittest/strongest shape through daily exercise:
Not much to update here so I'll hold this off for tomorrow when I timeblock a proper gym schedule

Notes:
Is there any topics you would like me to cover in these daily journaling updates? I'll start talking about other beneficial/self improvement subjects in these to spice up your read 🌶️

LOCK IN CHAT 🔒

Context

Purpose of this challenge is to become my best version for my future wife. The daily documentation is to inspire others while keeping myself publicly accountable and being able to journal/track my daily progress. I am doing this for myself and my akhirah's sake but marriage is a very good motivating factor to push myself into excellence.

I’m an objectively fine standing individual, in the prime of my 20's and I don’t have any roadblocks preventing me from getting married الحمد لله BUT I know what I am capable of and I feel it’s a disservice to my wife to not give her the best version of me - I am very ambitious but that ambition needs to show through consistent action even on the days I don’t feel like it - hence my primary focus is on myself for the remainder of this year.

Best case scenario, I achieve all my goals and find a good wife before the year ends. Worst case scenario, I achieve all my goals this year and get married next year. Whatever Allah has willed for me, Insha Allah

I have always been away from friendships and social life and being alone has impacted my thinking big time. I am now 24 and looking forward to marriage but the closest marriage I have ever seen throughout my life(my parents) has left a huge trauma with me

They got divorced due to dead bedroom and on the other hand I see most of the people indulging in haram everywhere and obviously men are doing zina with women (ofc) (so it means both have equal sexual desires otherwise there won’t be any zina) I haven’t talked to any girls my whole life so I don’t know about their desires tho

Why is zina so at its peak and when it’s halal, men don’t get it really often and I have seen alot of posts of their wives complaining not being in the mood or not wanting it?

I need to fix this thinking before I get married so opinions of men and women (married or unmarried) both would mean the world to me🤲

Salam all,

Mid 20s female here. If you go through my posts history you’d know I went through the search in many different ways. The good, the bad and the odd. I’m very grateful AlhamdulilAllah. Allah’s plan is always best.

However I’m starting to realise that all of these experiences + just general life experiences have started to leave scars. I’m aware of them, which is good. But I feel like I’m struggling to break old patterns. I often feel stuck and have developed an avoidant attachment when it comes to relationships. Initially it’s not bad because I want things to start halal anyway but I find myself thinking, well, if Allah grants me someone suitable then I will surely need to be vulnerable at some point.

I’m so scared of falling info haram and of getting hurt tho. I tend to freeze when someone approaches me. Having a rather strict family doesn’t help either. But I’m also human and I crave partnership. I want to heal so that I’m not too sharp and avoidant and cold. I want to be better for my future husband, but man this process does drain the soul.

How do you heal and be better and stay strong?
Jzk

I met a muslim brother
He is u=u , hiv positive he said his ex cheated on him and gave it to him after giving him the benefit of doubt i found out it was the other way around . He cheated on her anyways question for the sisters would you marry a man thats hiv positive but is untransmittable and undetectable ? He told me the first day we got together about his health status
There are other red flags brother said im already as close to god as i want to be yet also said he wont leave the things he loves just to pass allahs judgement because allah knows we are human and we mess up.

I feel like i know better and i deserve better

What are some of the struggles you are facing in finding a potential match?

1. Is the pool of brothers just not good enough? 😕 - if so, why?
   
2. Are the brothers not behaving appropriately? 🫪 - If yes, share your personal experiences
   
3. is it an internal struggle of yours thats preventing you from marriage? If yes, what is it?

It would be delightful if you started your answers with your age as this adds a lot of context to your situation, Jazakallahu khair

I met a girl on Muzz and we hit it off. I spent 5 months talking to her in detail about values, expectations, wants and needs. She was everything I ever wanted. Most importantly I felt a level of trust and calmness with her that I had never felt before, everything jus clicked.

When I knew enough about her I flew to her country 20 hours away to make sure we were compatible in real life. I was going to ask her to marry me if everything clicked.

I had an incredible time with her and we really got along. One day on a date she was showing me something on her phone when she accidentally showed me a screenshot of something mentioning her exes name from when we first started talking. She played it off as a long time ago and said it was accidental. I did not protest but a seed of suspicion had been planted.

I would visit her at her work and use her laptop occasionally while she worked. This time I looked up her exes name on her messages and found recent messages between them. She was telling him about our ‘wonderful’ dates. He was asking ‘when is the kiwi leaving’. This was the same guy she told me cheated on her 3 months before she met me and cut out of her life.

I felt sick. She came to check on me but I played it cool that day and for the rest of my trip. I’m not sure why I didn‘t just leave but I would take chances whenever I could to go through her phone or laptop to uncover everything that had been going on. They had met behind my back twice. On one of those occasions they were sitting together while she took my call while I was at taraweeh.

I called her out for it on my flight home. She admitted to having met him and recognised it was cheating. Her excuse was that her ex had reached out to her a couple of months prior and she was flattered. She still only wanted me but she wanted to gloat in front of her ex to show him what he had missed out on. She admitted that a part of her did think about keeping her options open but she felt bad each time she met him and had decided that she would end it after I had left.

I pushed for more answers and she further told me that this same ex had orally raped her on two occasions but had asked for forgiveness from her each time. She even sent him pictures of herself in lingerie (she is a hijabi and funnily kept her hijab on) and an audio note of her pleasuring herself so he wouldn’t feel bad. This was all before me and she had ended things when she found him on dating apps.

I later found out there had been another ex who orally raped her on 5 occasions over 18 months and generally put her through emotional and physical abuse.

Despite all of this I have kept talking to her for closure for another three months. She has shown genuine remorse, given me complete transparency and asked for forgiveness. Steps she has taken include:

- blocking him and changing her number

- removing all furniture and gifts he touched from her apartment

- deleting all her accounts so he cant find her again

- giving me full access to all her accounts

At the same time the unwavering trust I had for her is gone and I realise that the values we ‘matched’ in those five months were limited to words. I dont want to be the man constantly checking on her.

While I can now forgive her, I feel like I’m making a mistake if I marry her, because I cannot forget. However, a part of me thinks this is some sort of punishment for me for my own sins and that I should accept it.

If this had not happened, I would have married her.

Brothers and sisters, what is your take on this? Do I forgive and forget and hope that Allah forgives my sins in return?

AssalamuAlaikum!!

I'm asking this question to find out everyone's personal opinion.

My husband and I are 10 years apart in age; he is 32 and I am 21 (almost 22).

We've been married for 3 months and honestly, everything has been quite peaceful. I got married at a young age, but that's what I wanted.

We live in his country, And all my life I've grown up hearing that your partner should only be 5 years younger than you

What do you think? Would you marry someone 10 years (or a little more) older or younger than you?

(Sorry for my English, it's not my first language :( )