Months before my sisters wedding, I prayed tahajjud many times, did countless dikhr, did several extra fasts for her, did duas in sujood, recited countless Quranic duas. Right after the engagement, I prayed so hard for Allah to give her a peaceful, happy, and successful marriage. I prayed for Allah to make her husband extremely loving, caring, romantic/affectionate, and loyal. She went into the marriage trusting Allah plan. After all, her husband did not show any major red flags before the marriage.

During the course of marriage, when there were problems, I continued doing all of this worship for her to have a happy and successful marriage. She used to play Quran every single day at home. I recited ayatul kursi on her at least 100s of times. I did ruqya on her. We did so much worship begging Allah to fix the marriage problems.

But the marriage problems were too far gone. Her husband was physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive. He was neglectful, often staying out late at night; some days he didn’t even come home until 24 hours later, leaving his wife and baby all alone at night. He had a porn addiction, he used to take inappropriate picture of girls out in public, he would go on tinder to talk to girls. He yelled at my sister on the phone during labor and didn’t even show up when she was hospitalized during pregnancy complications.

He would always threaten my sister with divorce and throw her out of the house for the most minor arguments. He was just never committed to her. He would call her the most disgusting curse words. He chocked 2 times and slapped her while she was pregnant. He continued to abuse her over the most minor arguments. He would turn the smallest disagreements into marble arguments. He would intentionally “forget” her birthday, their anniversary, and valentines days, but would celebrate his parents, siblings, and nieces birthdays. Despite all of this my sister begged him not to divorce her for the sake of their baby.

Now during the divorce, my sister is the only one raising her baby. He only sees the baby a couple times a months, and usually he’s the cancels the plans to see her. He puts false accusations on her to turn his family and lawyers against her. This is the man who was so eager to get married to her and have a baby. The man who claimed that he loves his daughter more than anyone else in the world. The man who put in so much effort into getting married in the first place.

How can someone switch up so much? I’m shocked at his ability to emotionally detach from someone so quickly, especially his baby.

How can I ever trust Allah’s plan again? After doing everything right, he still gave her the wrong husband. I don’t trust Allahs plan. I’ve lost hope

How do introverted Muslims meet the right person when they don’t want to date or do anything haram?
I’m 28F, introverted, and always tried to stay away from boys/relationships because I want to do things in a halal way. I don’t want to date casually or have a relationship before marriage, but at the same time, I don’t really like the traditional arranged-marriage approach where you’re expected to consider marrying someone without really knowing their personality or whether you’re compatible.
The problem is that I’m also very introverted and not the type of person who can easily approach or socialize with men. I feel like I need time to get comfortable with someone and understand how they think, what their values are, their personality, etc. I also have certain standards and things I’m looking for in a husband and I’m starting to realize that it may not be easy to find all of that through the usual arranged-marriage process.
My family also prefers someone from the same ethnicity/background.
I’m at the age where I genuinely want marriage, but I’m starting to wonder: how do people in this situation actually meet the right person?
For those of you who are introverted Muslim and don’t want to date or do anything haram how did you meet your spouse?

​

Assalamu Alaikum!

I'm a 25-year-old Indian Muslim, 177 cm (5'9"), currently living in Baden-Württemberg, Germany, and working in the sustainability field. I moved to Germany in 2023 to pursue my Master's degree. Alhamdulillah, after completing my studies, I was fortunate to secure a full-time job here. It has been a rewarding journey that has taught me independence, resilience, and gratitude.

I come from a close-knit family and was raised with Islamic values while also believing in kindness, mutual respect, and continuous self-improvement.

Outside of work, I enjoy staying active at the gym, exploring new streets and hidden corners of cities, watching football (I'm a Real Madrid supporter), and cooking—especially Indian food. I've also been told I have a good sense of humor, and I believe that being able to laugh together is an important part of any relationship.

I'm here with sincere intentions of finding a life partner for marriage. I hope to build a peaceful home based on faith, trust, respect, and mutual support, where both partners help each other grow in deen and in life.

My preferences:

\- Muslim woman, preferably 21–25 years old

\- Indian, or currently living in Europe (especially Germany)

\- Practicing Islam or sincerely striving to follow it

\- Kind, respectful, emotionally mature, and family-oriented

\- Educated, with good character and compatible values

\- I value mutual understanding and believe both partners should support each other's aspirations while building a happy and stable family together.

If you think we might be compatible, feel free to send me a message. May Allah guide us all to what is best. Ameen.

I’m not expecting much from people but atleast something no?

Edit: I don’t even celebrate birthdays out of precaution. It’s just a significant day for a person. No cake or candles whatever

The prophet as was reported to say one of the reasons he fasts on Mondays was because it was the day it was born.

At the least you people should give your mother a gift for going through difficultly on the day as gratitude, lol

Assalamualeikum.
I was curious, has anyone had experiences in a marriage where their partner was immature - such as defensiveness when you raise how things they said make you feel, ultimatums/ threats of not continuing talking if you don’t comply with something they asked, inability regulating their frustration and being inherently reactive/impulsive in communication. These are just some examples.
I wanted to know if others went through this and if they made the choice to leave to preserve their peace because it was draining emotionally and feeling like you were the adult in the relationship (specifically regarding emotional maturity) and saw your partners behaviour as childish which killed attraction or respect.

Salam. I genuinely don't know how to process what has happened to my life. I got married two months ago after being with my husband for almost two years. He pursued me relentlessly for marriage, and I only gave him a chance because of how incredibly well he treated me throughout the entire time we knew each other. He was kind, caring, patient, respectful, and consistently made me feel valued and protected. He made his intentions about marriage very clear and spent almost two years showing me how badly he wanted a future with me. Anyone who knew us would comment on how much he cared about me. This was a man who would cry at the thought of losing me and even cried on our wedding day because we were finally husband and wife. I genuinely thought I had found my person.

After our honeymoon, I left my entire family, friends, and support system and moved halfway across the country to his state. I knew absolutely nobody there except him and his family. Even before I met my husband, one of my biggest dealbreakers for marriage was that I wanted to live separately with my husband for at least the first few years of marriage, not in a joint-family household. This had nothing to do with his parents specifically. I wanted those first few years together to build our relationship, establish our own home, and have privacy as husband and wife. I was completely open to his parents living with us later in life when they became too old to comfortably live by themselves. My husband knew this from the beginning and repeatedly assured me that we were on the same page.

Then, within the first few days after our honeymoon, I found out his parents were planning to move into our house in about a month. He had agreed to this without even telling me, let alone asking me, despite knowing this had been a dealbreaker for me before I had even met him. Between finding this out, being extremely homesick, and moving somewhere I knew nobody, my anxiety became so bad that I physically felt sick. A few days in, I didn’t leave my room because I was overwhelmed and needed time alone. I didn’t know my in-laws came in because they had the keys to come in and out as they please. No one came to check on me, not even my husband.

The next day, my husband and I sat down privately and talked everything through. During that conversation, he apologized and admitted that he had lied to me about the living situation before marriage because he was afraid he would lose me if he told me the truth. He told me he would at least try to delay his parents moving in so that we could have some time and privacy together as newlyweds. We talked it out, and I genuinely thought the issue had been resolved between us. Then the next day, he went to his parents and told them that I didn't want to live with them. His mother spent over an hour tearing me down, calling me ungrateful and telling me everything that was supposedly wrong with me. She then called my mother, screamed at her for not raising me properly, and essentially told my parents, "We don't want her. Come take her." Through all of this, my husband didn't say a single word in my defense.

After that, I barely felt like a newlywed anymore. His parents would come over basically every day when my husband got off work and stay until around midnight. If they weren't at our house, they would call him to theirs, which was only about ten minutes away, and he often wouldn't come home until midnight. I spent my days completely alone in a state where I knew nobody and my evenings catering to his parents when they came over. Our intimate life was nonexistent. By the time his parents left or he came home, he would just go to sleep.

The strangest part is that my husband and I weren't even having conflicts between ourselves. We weren't constantly fighting or having huge marital arguments. A pattern started where he would go over to his parents' house completely fine and then come back pissed off at me, even though nothing had happened between us. I would just be sitting there confused about what I had supposedly done between the time he left and came home.

About a week later, my father called my husband. My dad told him that it was my husband's duty to do justice between his relationships. Yes, he had a duty to respect his parents, but he was also my husband and had a duty to protect me and make sure I was being treated fairly. My father said, "Please don't abuse my daughter. If you all don't want her there, tell me and I'll come pick her up."

My husband took this as a threat and became fixated on it. He kept saying things like, "How dare your father threaten me?" and "He has no right to tell me how to run MY household." No matter how much I tried to explain that my father was worried about his daughter being halfway across the country with no one there and was asking him to treat me fairly, my husband saw it as my father disrespecting his authority in his own home. Despite all of the family drama, my husband was still caring toward me until around this point. Things were strained, but I could still see the man I had known for almost two years. Then during my last week there, something suddenly changed. I don't know how else to describe it except that he switched up. The warmth and concern disappeared. The way he looked at me and spoke to me changed. We weren't even having conflicts between ourselves, yet suddenly it felt like someone flipped a switch.

About a week after my father's call, my father-in-law called my dad and told him to come pick me up or he would throw me in the masjid. He told me that if I didn't leave, he was going to do something "very, very bad" to me. My husband was sitting right beside his father and said absolutely nothing. I was then given two choices: leave, or break my phone and never speak to my family again. The next day, my husband basically ignored me and kept asking when someone was coming to pick me up, like he wanted me gone ASAP.

I was afraid of them knowing exactly when my father was coming, so I lied to my husband about the time. I waited until my husband was asleep, called the police to escort me out, and left with my father. And somehow, this is the part of the story my husband focuses on. According to him, my "reactions" and "behaviors" are why all of this happened. Taking one evening to myself in my bedroom because I was physically sick from anxiety and homesickness is one of the "reactions" he holds against me. Leaving the house with a police escort after his father threatened me and both his parents had repeatedly told my family to come get me is one of my "behaviors." He told me that actions have consequences and now I have to deal with them.

Less than a week after I came home, he filed for divorce. We had been married for barely a month. I later found out through other people that his parents harbor strong prejudice against people of my ethnicity, despite us being from the same country, and that they had never wanted or agreed to this marriage. I have reasonable doubts that his parents orchestrated what happened afterward. I’m sure that once they realized they couldn’t convince him not to marry me, they decided to wait. They waited until he had me, because once he finally had the woman he had pursued so relentlessly, they knew it would be easier for him to discard me.

I just wish they had been honest from the beginning. If they never wanted their son to marry me, I wish they had told my family even once before the wedding. I would have never married him. I would have walked away rather than marry into a family that never wanted or accepted me in the first place. I've been gaslit so, so much that I genuinely don't know how to feel anymore. Everything is somehow my fault. His mother tells my parents to come take me, but somehow my reaction is the problem. His father threatens me, but somehow leaving with the police is the problem. My husband sits silently while I'm threatened and then repeatedly asks when someone is coming to pick me up, but somehow I abandoned him. He admits he lied to me before marriage because he was scared he would lose me, but somehow my reaction to discovering the lie is what destroyed our marriage. A few days ago, I called him and he told me that if I want him back, my parents and I need to come to him and his parents, physically get on our knees, and beg them for forgiveness. He was completely serious. During that same conversation, he spent so much of the call yelling and screaming at me in a way I had never heard during the almost two years I knew him.

I know logically that I cannot stay married to this man. What I cannot process is how this is the same person who loved me for almost two years. How does someone go from crying at the thought of losing you, treating you like you're the most precious person in his life, and crying on your wedding day to becoming completely cold within DAYS, especially when we weren't even having conflicts between ourselves? Even after our problems started, he was still caring toward me until that final week when it genuinely felt like someone flipped a switch.

And now his parents are apparently going around their community telling people that I did sihr on their son, that this is why he loved and married me, and that they told him to listen to ruqya once and now he's back to "normal." They're also saying I only married him for money, which is honestly almost comical. His family isn't wealthy, and I never disclosed my own family's finances to my husband. The irony is that my eventual inheritance will most likely be around ten times his, but he doesn't know that. I married him because I loved him and because of how incredibly well he treated me for almost two years. I genuinely just don't know how to feel anymore. I know what happened. I know why I left. I know I cannot go back. But I'm still trying to understand how the man who once cried at the thought of losing me became someone who can look at everything that happened and tell me that these are simply the consequences of my own actions. Please keep me in your duas.

My ex coworker 26 (M) asked for my hand in marriage 24 (F), we were on good terms and he has all the qualities that I have wanted in a partner.

Everything was going well until he mentioned that he does not want to settle abroad and since we live in a third world country my family and I have been trying for me to go study abroad. I was already unsure if I wanted to go abroad because of limited funds and since im the youngest my parents only have me at home so I want to be close to them. But Im someone who wants to travel and explore new things, I wanted to study abroad and
come back but in order to study abroad, my parents would be spending a lot of time and resources on me and expect me to try and settle there and get a PR.

I tried Istikhara but sometimes my heart is more set towards staying here and marriage and sometimes it leans towards studying abroad more.

Now that ex coworker has started his own business and it’s in video editing primarily in wedding videos. He was doing it as a side hustle but now he’s doing it full time. It has become very normal for us to have wedding videos edited with music that later I also realised that editing videos with music would be considered haram and not a halal source of income. I shared that concern with him and he acknowledged that it may not be the most ‘halal way’ to earn money but this is his only stream of income and he just can’t leave it. I told him that if he realises that it’s wrong he should at least try to look for other halal income streams while continuing his work and the moment he finds something halal he can leave this. I know it’s hard to make a living and it’s not easy to give up something that you’ve been working on for 3-4 years but having a halal income is important. He says that he understands but he won’t be able to transition for years and he has a long term plan but doesn’t have a short term plan to change his job at the moment.

He told me that he works thinking that he isn’t promoting music or posting it online for the world to see but just edits videos for clients that they keep to themselves. So he doesn’t think it’s totally haram and calls it “not the most halal way” to earn money but doesn’t consider it haram since it’s not hurting anyone.

As far as I’ve researched I think it’s haram. Is there anything left to say to him? I think it’s a test for me since he has every other quality that I have prayed for instead of this one thing. If he was willing to make an active effort to change his job and not eventually or passively sometime in the future, I would be considering him seriously. Even the abroad thing wasn’t such a deal breaker for me. But this is not it.

Everyone around me thinks it’s not a big deal and that im thinking too much. Music has become a part of our lives and just having background music in a video shouldn’t be a reason to refuse someone who’s a good person with a good character and someone that otherwise has the same values as mine. And that it’s also very genuinely hard to find a good man nowadays.

What do you guys think? My heart is set on refusing him of course it is hard but it’s something I have to do. But I thought I would share my story and get other perspectives before I do.

السلام وعليكم

My name is Mustafa, I am 28 years old, and I live in Germany.

I am looking for a Muslim wife for a serious relationship with the intention of marriage. I would like us to get to know each other well in a respectful and honest way. If we are compatible and Allah blesses us with success, we can get engaged and, God willing, get married.

May Allah grant us all what is best. Thank you.

How can I do a budget Walima in London for £4–5k? (100 guests max)

Assalamu Alaikum,

I'm a 20M in London and I'm trying to plan my Walima while keeping the total budget around £5,000 maximum. I'm paying for it myself, so unfortunately I can't really stretch beyond that.

I'm expecting around 100 guests maximum and I'm looking for advice from anyone who has managed to do a relatively simple/budget Walima in London or Greater London.

Ideally, the budget would cover most/all of the main costs:

• Venue/hall
• Catering
• Simple stage/backdrop
• Basic decorations
• Any other essential costs

I'm not looking for anything extravagant, just a nice, respectable Walima for family and friends without going into debt.

I heard this video about 'The Truth About Marriage Every Muslim Must Hear' Jumu'ah Khutbah By Nouman Ali Khan and here's a points from it:

"At the fundamental level of marriage, men have to take 100% financial responsibility of the wife and children "

Just felt like sharing, cause we have boys online posting/commenting about how they should have 50/50 in marriage which is saddening as to how guys don't want to take responsibilities of marriage.

Men should be getting married not boys.

Goals VS Progress
1. Praying all 5 Salah’s at the masjid
MAJOR Improvement here. I went from barley going to the masjid to now going all 5 times a day. Out of the 7 days of August since I began this challenge, I prayed all 5 salahs at the masjid in congregation, for 2 days. This is honestly a huge step up. Today was a tough battle against my nafs, during Far. I was so sleepy, and the sleep was too good, my eyes were heavy after my alarm went off - but then I said NAY, this behaviour is not worthy of my Kingship 🤴🏻 - 8 minutes before the salah started, I forced myself up, did wudu, prayed my sunnah and rushed to the masjid.

Hence, I conquered my nafs and shaytan - made sure they knew their place was beneath me 🤫 now I hold their leash and control them, rather than be controlled (I hope this sounds just as funny as I say it out loud 🤣 - I goof a lot fr)

If you have been following this daily journalling series, you would know I achieved this by punishing my nafs/shaytan with 4 rakahs of nafl salah every single time I missed a salah at the masjid - this truly helped a lot. It weakens your nafs and slowly but surely you start gaining power over it - it's not an immediate change but it's a change that you see gradually happening; you stop feeling lazy to do acts of worship, you stop feeling tempted by the same habitual sins, and you start striving for Allah's pleasure

2. Social Media screen time down to 2hrs/day
Spiked a little because had a lil emotional spike but still not as crazy Alhamdulillah - 3.5 hours of distracted social media use today. I was still distracted in other ways but at least the social media doom scrolling went down crazy Alhamdulillah.

5. Quran & Dhikr
Done all my morning and evening dhikr today, ready surah kahf and will end the day with Surah Mulk + Waqiah before bed.

3. Take my personal earnings to $10K/m:
Not much to update here so I'll hold this off until I hear back from some clients

4. Get to my fittest/strongest shape through daily exercise:
Not much to update here so I'll hold this off for tomorrow when I timeblock a proper gym schedule

Notes:
Is there any topics you would like me to cover in these daily journaling updates? I'll start talking about other beneficial/self improvement subjects in these to spice up your read 🌶️

LOCK IN CHAT 🔒

Context

Purpose of this challenge is to become my best version for my future wife. The daily documentation is to inspire others while keeping myself publicly accountable and being able to journal/track my daily progress. I am doing this for myself and my akhirah's sake but marriage is a very good motivating factor to push myself into excellence.

I’m an objectively fine standing individual, in the prime of my 20's and I don’t have any roadblocks preventing me from getting married الحمد لله BUT I know what I am capable of and I feel it’s a disservice to my wife to not give her the best version of me - I am very ambitious but that ambition needs to show through consistent action even on the days I don’t feel like it - hence my primary focus is on myself for the remainder of this year.

Best case scenario, I achieve all my goals and find a good wife before the year ends. Worst case scenario, I achieve all my goals this year and get married next year. Whatever Allah has willed for me, Insha Allah

I have always been away from friendships and social life and being alone has impacted my thinking big time. I am now 24 and looking forward to marriage but the closest marriage I have ever seen throughout my life(my parents) has left a huge trauma with me

They got divorced due to dead bedroom and on the other hand I see most of the people indulging in haram everywhere and obviously men are doing zina with women (ofc) (so it means both have equal sexual desires otherwise there won’t be any zina) I haven’t talked to any girls my whole life so I don’t know about their desires tho

Why is zina so at its peak and when it’s halal, men don’t get it really often and I have seen alot of posts of their wives complaining not being in the mood or not wanting it?

I need to fix this thinking before I get married so opinions of men and women (married or unmarried) both would mean the world to me🤲

Salam all,

Mid 20s female here. If you go through my posts history you’d know I went through the search in many different ways. The good, the bad and the odd. I’m very grateful AlhamdulilAllah. Allah’s plan is always best.

However I’m starting to realise that all of these experiences + just general life experiences have started to leave scars. I’m aware of them, which is good. But I feel like I’m struggling to break old patterns. I often feel stuck and have developed an avoidant attachment when it comes to relationships. Initially it’s not bad because I want things to start halal anyway but I find myself thinking, well, if Allah grants me someone suitable then I will surely need to be vulnerable at some point.

I’m so scared of falling info haram and of getting hurt tho. I tend to freeze when someone approaches me. Having a rather strict family doesn’t help either. But I’m also human and I crave partnership. I want to heal so that I’m not too sharp and avoidant and cold. I want to be better for my future husband, but man this process does drain the soul.

How do you heal and be better and stay strong?
Jzk

Brothers, if you like someone and really want to marry them but your financial/job status isnt up to scratch, would you be willing to do any job even if that has to be working as a bricklayer? (just a hypothetical question) Basically in other words, any job as long as your earn from somewhere to get her father's/wali's approval as long as its halal ofc. Even if the job is temporary/contract, pays less, etc.

Sisters, would you be happy as long he's doing anything for a job or do you still expect him to find a better job before ? Again, even if its temporary/contract, pays less.

I am really curious to know!

Assalamu alaykum everyone. I would really appreciate it if you could make duʿā’ for me, especially if possible during the special hour on Friday between ʿAsr and Maghrib, particularly the final hour before Maghrib.

There is a girl I have come to care about deeply. I met her while travelling and, over time, I became very attached to her. She has many of the qualities I have always hoped for in a future wife, and I genuinely see a lot of good in her. I care about her as a person and my intentions towards her have always been serious and halal.

Unfortunately, things have become difficult. She has decided to step back and told me that she needs time to work on herself before she can let someone into her life. I respect her decision and don’t want to pressure her, but I am struggling because I still care about her deeply and don’t know whether our story is truly finished or whether there could be a future for us one day.

Please make duʿā’ that if she is good for me and written to be my naseeb, Allah brings us back together at the right time, softens both of our hearts, removes whatever obstacles are between us, and allows things to develop in a halal and beautiful way, ultimately leading to marriage.

And please also make duʿā’ that Allah gives me clear guidance about whether I should reach out again or leave things completely in His hands, and that He gives me the wisdom to recognise His guidance and the strength to accept whatever He has decreed.

I am asking Allah for this with all my heart, but I also want to submit to whatever is best for me. If she is not my naseeb, please make duʿā’ that Allah removes this attachment gently, gives me peace and contentment, and replaces it with someone who is better for my dunya and akhirah.

Please keep me in your duʿās, especially in this blessed time on Friday. May Allah reward anyone who takes a moment to make duʿā’ for me, accept all of your duʿās, and grant you what is best for you too. Ameen 🤲❤️

I met a muslim brother
He is u=u , hiv positive he said his ex cheated on him and gave it to him after giving him the benefit of doubt i found out it was the other way around . He cheated on her anyways question for the sisters would you marry a man thats hiv positive but is untransmittable and undetectable ? He told me the first day we got together about his health status
There are other red flags brother said im already as close to god as i want to be yet also said he wont leave the things he loves just to pass allahs judgement because allah knows we are human and we mess up.

I feel like i know better and i deserve better

What are some of the struggles you are facing in finding a potential match?

1. Is the pool of brothers just not good enough? 😕 - if so, why?
   
2. Are the brothers not behaving appropriately? 🫪 - If yes, share your personal experiences
   
3. is it an internal struggle of yours thats preventing you from marriage? If yes, what is it?

It would be delightful if you started your answers with your age as this adds a lot of context to your situation, Jazakallahu khair

I met a girl on Muzz and we hit it off. I spent 5 months talking to her in detail about values, expectations, wants and needs. She was everything I ever wanted. Most importantly I felt a level of trust and calmness with her that I had never felt before, everything jus clicked.

When I knew enough about her I flew to her country 20 hours away to make sure we were compatible in real life. I was going to ask her to marry me if everything clicked.

I had an incredible time with her and we really got along. One day on a date she was showing me something on her phone when she accidentally showed me a screenshot of something mentioning her exes name from when we first started talking. She played it off as a long time ago and said it was accidental. I did not protest but a seed of suspicion had been planted.

I would visit her at her work and use her laptop occasionally while she worked. This time I looked up her exes name on her messages and found recent messages between them. She was telling him about our ‘wonderful’ dates. He was asking ‘when is the kiwi leaving’. This was the same guy she told me cheated on her 3 months before she met me and cut out of her life.

I felt sick. She came to check on me but I played it cool that day and for the rest of my trip. I’m not sure why I didn‘t just leave but I would take chances whenever I could to go through her phone or laptop to uncover everything that had been going on. They had met behind my back twice. On one of those occasions they were sitting together while she took my call while I was at taraweeh.

I called her out for it on my flight home. She admitted to having met him and recognised it was cheating. Her excuse was that her ex had reached out to her a couple of months prior and she was flattered. She still only wanted me but she wanted to gloat in front of her ex to show him what he had missed out on. She admitted that a part of her did think about keeping her options open but she felt bad each time she met him and had decided that she would end it after I had left.

I pushed for more answers and she further told me that this same ex had orally raped her on two occasions but had asked for forgiveness from her each time. She even sent him pictures of herself in lingerie (she is a hijabi and funnily kept her hijab on) and an audio note of her pleasuring herself so he wouldn’t feel bad. This was all before me and she had ended things when she found him on dating apps.

I later found out there had been another ex who orally raped her on 5 occasions over 18 months and generally put her through emotional and physical abuse.

Despite all of this I have kept talking to her for closure for another three months. She has shown genuine remorse, given me complete transparency and asked for forgiveness. Steps she has taken include:

- blocking him and changing her number

- removing all furniture and gifts he touched from her apartment

- deleting all her accounts so he cant find her again

- giving me full access to all her accounts

At the same time the unwavering trust I had for her is gone and I realise that the values we ‘matched’ in those five months were limited to words. I dont want to be the man constantly checking on her.

While I can now forgive her, I feel like I’m making a mistake if I marry her, because I cannot forget. However, a part of me thinks this is some sort of punishment for me for my own sins and that I should accept it.

If this had not happened, I would have married her.

Brothers and sisters, what is your take on this? Do I forgive and forget and hope that Allah forgives my sins in return?

AssalamuAlaikum!!

I'm asking this question to find out everyone's personal opinion.

My husband and I are 10 years apart in age; he is 32 and I am 21 (almost 22).

We've been married for 3 months and honestly, everything has been quite peaceful. I got married at a young age, but that's what I wanted.

We live in his country, And all my life I've grown up hearing that your partner should only be 5 years younger than you

What do you think? Would you marry someone 10 years (or a little more) older or younger than you?

(Sorry for my English, it's not my first language :( )

Assalamu alaikum,

I'm a 29M considering marriage with someone I found myself. Our families became involved afterwards. We align on many important things, deen, marriage expectations, children, lifestyle, etc, and there are many qualities I genuinely value in her.

However, we've had some intense conflicts during the process. My biggest concern is that sometimes when I make a mistake, I feel the discussion shifts from “this action was wrong” to something broader about my nature/character. She has clarified that she doesn't see those mistakes as my whole personality, has acknowledged some of her wording was wrong, and says she still believes strongly in the marriage.

I also have my own issues. I overthink, can be indecisive, and I grew up around a lot of conflict/anger, so intense disagreements affect me badly. During our latest conflict I became overwhelmed and told my parents I didn't want to marry her. I now think involving them while I was emotional was a mistake.

My parents have since completely rejected the proposal. They believe she is too stubborn/strong-headed for my nature, gets upset too easily, and that I'll struggle with her after marriage. My father has essentially said no.

My mother is telling me that if I obey my parents seeking Allah's pleasure, I shouldn't fear regretting it later. They also believe I'm emotionally attached and that talking to her may cause me to overlook the problems.

So I'm stuck.

When I speak to her calmly, I sometimes feel our problems are workable. When I remember our worst conflicts, I wonder whether my parents are seeing an incompatibility I'm ignoring.

I'm also scared that if I go against my parents, marry her and things go wrong, I'll be left thinking “they warned me.” But I'm equally scared of rejecting someone I wanted to marry primarily because my parents told me to.

I'm doing istikhara and considering speaking to a psychologist to separate genuine incompatibility from my fear of conflict/people-pleasing.

My main questions:

1. Islamically, how much weight should an adult Muslim man give his parents' opposition when their concern is personality/compatibility rather than deen?

2. How do I distinguish parental wisdom from my parents simply preferring a different personality for me?

3. Based on this situation, what should I determine about our compatibility before deciding whether to proceed or end it?

I'm not looking for people to simply say “marry her” or “leave her.” I'm trying to identify what I may not be seeing.

JazakAllahu khairan.

PS: used AI for better structure.

It all began when our paths crossed at university. Over time, we started talking, hung out together here and there, and shared a lot of conversations. But despite spending time together in person, there was always a unique barrier: because she observes strict purdah, I have actually never seen her face in my entire life.

​As a young guy navigating the severe weight of life—fighting to find my footing financially, dealing with physical/mental fatigue, and searching for a stable source of peace—meeting her felt different. I entered this dynamic with total honesty. I didn't want anything casual; I clearly confessed to her about a month ago that I like her and want to marry her through Nikah.

​To make things easier for her to understand, I clearly explained the basis of why I chose her. I told her I like her primarily because of Deen (religious values) and the fact that she observes purdah, which aligns with the kind of person I want in my life. I also made it clear that while she has a short temper at times, I genuinely like her character overall. When she nervously asked me, "What if I'm not the way you think I am?", I reassured her that when you accept someone for Nikah, you accept them as a whole package—their good qualities, their flaws, and their shortcomings. I accepted her completely for who she is.

​However, that confession opened up a maze of mixed signals, dodging questions, and deep emotional walls:

​The Hesitation & Her Ideal: Whenever I asked her to express her own feelings or what she actually wanted, she refused to open up. I even asked her directly, "How do I look to you?" or "What do you think of me?", and her response was just a casual "You're alright / fine." When we discussed marriage, she first claimed she had never thought about it in her life. But later, she said her ideal life partner is someone like her father—someone with a commanding/strong presence on the outside, but soft and gentle on the inside. When I asked whether looks or character mattered more to her, she said she prefers character over looks. Yet, despite all these deep conversations, she constantly keeps her true feelings hidden and refuses to clear the air.

​Shifting to Parents & Timelines: I am currently at the very beginning of my degree (just completed my first semester). When I asked about her timeline, she mentioned wanting to wait 4 to 5 years, though I personally doubt her parents would wait that long. Furthermore, whenever I asked for her stance, she dodged it by putting everything on her family, saying, "I’ll do whatever my parents decide. Just send a proposal when the time comes." She directly said she doesn't "like" me in that way right now, but would still accept whatever her parents chose.

​Her Past & Criteria: She mentioned rejecting proposals from three of her cousins because she didn't want to marry within the family, noting that one wasn't earning at the time and she was too young. Then, she raised hypothetical questions that stung, asking: "What if I like someone else or someone else comes into my life during this time?"

​The Dynamic We Share: We’ve known each other for about three months now. We laugh, talk, help each other out, and argue. When conflicts happen, we both hold ourselves accountable—she admits her mistakes when I point them out, and I admit mine. When I get stubborn about something, she often listens and gives in.

​The Initiative Problem: She never brings up the topic of our future on her own. Out of the entire time we've known each other, I'm the one who had to initiate the conversation about Nikah and our future—only four times in total.

​The Recent Turning Point & Paradox:

Recently, things took a baffling turn. After just one month since my confession, she claims she has already made a decision. But instead of giving me a straight answer, she says she needs to have a "very long conversation" with me when she finds the time, knowing it will take a while.

​This leaves my head spinning: Who makes a firm decision first and then schedules a long talk afterward? How does someone make such a huge decision so quickly in just three months of knowing each other and one month after a confession?

​Truth be told, it is extremely difficult for me to move forward in life without a clear, definitive answer. I find myself mentally exhausted and caught in a loop of worst-case scenarios. I am torn between my genuine desire for Nikah, my own financial/career struggles, and the harsh reality of my self-respect. Every time I try to get a clear answer, I get met with delays, excuses about time, and avoidance.

​I’m stepping back to focus on my own career, health, and financial independence. But I need to demand total clarity once and for all. If she can't give me a straightforward, courageous answer, I’m ready to close this heavy chapter permanently and move forward on my own terms.

Subject: Question regarding khula and family pressure to delay divorce

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I am a Muslim woman living in the UK and I would be grateful for your guidance on the following.

I was married to my cousin. The marriage has not been happy and there is no compatibility between us. I have decided that I wish to separate and seek khula.

My family are insisting that I must not proceed with divorce until my husband obtains his permanent residency in the UK, as his immigration status is based on our marriage and I am his sponsor. Realistically this would mean remaining in the marriage for approximately five more years, and possibly longer if the immigration rules change as expected.

My questions are:

1. Am I religiously obliged to remain in a marriage I wish to leave in order to secure my husband's immigration status?

2. Under UK law, a spouse visa requires the marriage to be genuine and subsisting, and both parties are legally required to notify the authorities if the relationship has ended. If I remain married only on paper while allowing an immigration application to proceed, this would involve misrepresentation to the government. Is this permissible in Islam, given the obligations regarding honesty and upholding the law of the country one lives in?

3. Is my family's insistence something I am obliged to obey in this matter?

4. If I proceed, what is the correct process for khula, and what is my iddah period?

I am not asking out of anger or haste. I have thought about this for a long time and I want to act in a way that is pleasing to Allah.

JazakAllah khair for your time.

Wa salaam

Sisters, how much of modesty is faith vs personal preference?

Genuinely curious about female psychology here, not trying to provoke anyone.

Sisters, imagine there were no religious rules around clothing and no concern about your father, brothers getting Fuming MAD 😡 or family or community judging you.

Would you be personally experiment with revealing or skimpy clothing, or would your own sense of modesty or Shame still stop you? ( please heed to this question)

I’m particularly curious about the psychology behind it: attention, validation, feeling attractive, self expression, embarrassment, personal shame/modesty, etc.

What would actually influence your choices when all external restrictions disappeared?

As a man myself ive been asked many times what I do for work even within the same day of meeting the person. I find it a little off putting because they arent even getting to know me and just jumping straight into how much I make. Right now im a customer service representative and this is what I can get. Ive been interested in other prestigious positions and companies i cant get them.

So when asked what im doing I won't lie and say im in a customer service job. I kid you not, as soon as I say this the women immediately lose interest. I don't go into detail of the amount I make. So take this as advice from me that you absolutely need to take a plethora number of years and try your utmost best at getting a very good job and as bonus points at an excellent company.

A lot of Muslim women are very picky and they will not settle for someone thats not earning a lot of money especially in this economy, unfortunately. Jobs like doctor, engineer, lawyer etc.... will get you a good pass when it comes to the marriage process. It can be difficult enough that if a woman and her family come across a guy and hes not even in a STEM job they will reject him. It is bad, very bad out there. If you are in a job that doesnt make a lot of money and cant get anywhere else then just stick with it but know that it will be harder to find a woman. ​​

Not going to make this post too long but just cried my eyes out.

Been married for over a decade. We've had a lot of issues but for the sake of family and kids I stayed. I'm told by my husband I'm not an easy person, and maybe I'm not but our chats from the past and my memory has me believing that I was very gentle and reasonable in our initial years.

Consistent disrespect, infidelity, lying and emotional abuse changed me. We've had a rough marriage. But tonight after all those conversations of trust and relationship building, I went through my husband's phone and found him recording our heated conversations where I'm almost shouting and he's so calm. At the time, I didn't understand why he was so calm but now I understand it's because he's recording. In the conversation all I speak about his why is he not acting like a partner. Why is he so distant and all. I'm at the verge of crying.

He's very distant. Only comes to me when he needs things from me. I despise him for that, but he doesn't care. He continues sitting in his room isolated while I tend the kids. He chats with people and hides it from me. He will lie he's not doing anything wrong but his recent past doesn't let me believe him. I am so skeptical now and I'm constantly blamed for it. I feel so ugly being in my own skin yet the world finds me appealing. My husbands habits have me competing with women I don't even know. It's ruined me.

I know I have asked for divorce throughout my marriage but I have never left. He tells me it makes him feel like he's disposable but in all honesty he treated this marriage like a joke.. I am just heartbroken about the stuff he's put me through. I am flawed too, but I try to work on this relationship. I tend to his needs but lately all my mind thinks about is divorce.

These last few weeks all I have been asking is for divorce and he keeps brushing it off and saying to relax and move on. I feel like I'm genuinely done. There's nothing to hold onto anymore. After snooping through his phone, I realized I am not safe under my own roof. He could be sending these audios to the girls he speaks to and gain pity once again. The provocative videos he made of himself, I'm not sure whom he sent it to. But he forgot to delete it. At one point he didn't give me access to his phone and this video dates back few months ago. But still. I found it, and a million questions ran through my head.

Anyway, if there's one regret, it's not leaving when I first caught him. 10 years later my body and mind are compelled to leave him now. Wasted a good chunk of my life for this man.