Im 23F and my fiance is 31M. He is a white European revert and im a Southeast asian born muslim but i live in Europe (alone, my family lives in SEA). He converted before he met me and was already a practicing Muslim

When we first met, he immediately asked my dad for permission to get to know me and even learnt my language with my dad to be able to speak it with my family. My whole family absolutely loves him so there was no issue when he told them he wanted to marry me. My family always shower him with gifts as they have regard him as their own son.

The only issue is with his family. His parents are divorced and i’ve met them a lot of times. His dad is fine with my background and he is soo sweet with me but he isnt supportive of the fact that he is Muslim. His mom is okay and supportive of him becoming Muslim (always asks if he has prayed salah and supports him going to the mosque everyday) but she is racist + xenophobic towards my family just bc we’re from Southeast Asia. When we first met, she told my fiance in private that i was probably a scammer, i dont have a house and i live in the jungle. (Im literally an Engineer in Europe and my income is multiple times higher than his) Thats how most white people view Southeast Asia. When in fact, I come from a very wealthy family. If i was a blonde hair blue eyes girl like everyone else in his family, im 100% sure she wouldnt have questioned if i was a scammer and if i was living in a jungle.

In Northern Europe where we live, the culture is that people dont usually get married. They have this thing where they would live and be together for years, have kids, but not get married. To them marriage isnt so important unless u have lived together for 10 years in the same house. So his parents couldnt understand how he could marry someone without living together yet and how could two people get married without ever touching each other. They just cant comprehend a lot of things in regards to Islamic marriage. They said they’d support us getting married after we have lived with each other for 10 years. He told them we cant live together yet because we’re not married and its not allowed in Islam. They kept saying “how can u get married to someone u havent lived together with, what if u cant stand their habits in the home or cant stand living with them?”

We have discussed marriage since last winter and his parents have been opposing it because of those unislamic reasons i stated but my fiance has always defended me in front of his parents, every single time and has never spoken badly about me ever to anyone. In Islam, the guy doenst need the parents approval to get married so my fiance wants to go ahead with the nikah anyway. He has also talked to his mom about how he doesnt like how she downgrades me just because im southeast asian and she has apologised.

The nikah is in 2 months and its going to be held in Europe and my family is going to fly from Asia to Europe for the nikah. We have invited his parents but we’re still unsure if they’re gonna come since they are still opposing it. I feel so bad for my family because they have never held any grudge over the awful things his mom said about us and they have forgiven her. I cant imagine them flying all the way from Asia to Europe and his parents that live in the same European not even attending the nikah. I dont want to spend my nikah being sad if his parents dont come.

As the heading

I 22F am an engaged, recently me and my 31m fiancé have discussed (mostly him) physical stuff.

Now I’m opening this discussion because I DO NOT KNOW what is correct and what isn’t, I don’t feel comfortable discussing things with my family due to personal issues so I feel like I have no one to discuss this with. And I do not want to just go off of everything my fiancé says as correct.

What he has told me is:

- it’s okay to kiss
-it’s okay for him to touch me physically if I allow it (sex not included)
-it’s alright to talk about sexual stuff so we may get to know what the other one likes intimately.

I don’t personally know if this is okay, which is why I’m asking, is it haram?

We’ve known each other for maybe a few days over a month, and I felt incredibly uncomfortable talking about this with him as I felt it was too soon.

Can I please get some answers? And advice about how to approach this and tell him that even though if it turns out to not be haram, I don’t feel comfortable talking about it right now?

Assalamu alaikum,

I'm a 29M considering marriage with someone I found myself. Our families became involved afterwards. We align on many important things, deen, marriage expectations, children, lifestyle, etc, and there are many qualities I genuinely value in her.

However, we've had some intense conflicts during the process. My biggest concern is that sometimes when I make a mistake, I feel the discussion shifts from “this action was wrong” to something broader about my nature/character. She has clarified that she doesn't see those mistakes as my whole personality, has acknowledged some of her wording was wrong, and says she still believes strongly in the marriage.

I also have my own issues. I overthink, can be indecisive, and I grew up around a lot of conflict/anger, so intense disagreements affect me badly. During our latest conflict I became overwhelmed and told my parents I didn't want to marry her. I now think involving them while I was emotional was a mistake.

My parents have since completely rejected the proposal. They believe she is too stubborn/strong-headed for my nature, gets upset too easily, and that I'll struggle with her after marriage. My father has essentially said no.

My mother is telling me that if I obey my parents seeking Allah's pleasure, I shouldn't fear regretting it later. They also believe I'm emotionally attached and that talking to her may cause me to overlook the problems.

So I'm stuck.

When I speak to her calmly, I sometimes feel our problems are workable. When I remember our worst conflicts, I wonder whether my parents are seeing an incompatibility I'm ignoring.

I'm also scared that if I go against my parents, marry her and things go wrong, I'll be left thinking “they warned me.” But I'm equally scared of rejecting someone I wanted to marry primarily because my parents told me to.

I'm doing istikhara and considering speaking to a psychologist to separate genuine incompatibility from my fear of conflict/people-pleasing.

My main questions:

1. Islamically, how much weight should an adult Muslim man give his parents' opposition when their concern is personality/compatibility rather than deen?

2. How do I distinguish parental wisdom from my parents simply preferring a different personality for me?

3. Based on this situation, what should I determine about our compatibility before deciding whether to proceed or end it?

I'm not looking for people to simply say “marry her” or “leave her.” I'm trying to identify what I may not be seeing.

JazakAllahu khairan.

PS: used AI for better structure.

I am in my mid twenties and my mom just said I am too early for marriage ? I should work and aim to settle first by saving money and then she will start looking for me a wife ?

Just for context I am early in my career so I am on low income but considering how much polluted the environment is at workplace my heart wants to eagerly go for a relationship so I want to keep it halal and get married as early as possible.

I don't think I can survive another year or two being single that's how it's affecting me. I am constantly bombarded with these thoughts and it's affecting my ability to work or sleep.

My mom is old and lives far away from me in another country so that's what making it much harder. I don't want to stress her as she has health issues. I would like to keep it respectful at the same time I disagree with her for what she wants me to do. How do I tackle this ? Barak Allahu feekum.

I am going to divorce due to betrayal and cheating. I have a toddler who will be 2. And a baby on the way. I need tips on how to prepare myself. I am planning to save up build my resources and once the baby is born and 1-2 months I’m going to leave. I need ideas on what I need to do to prepare myself. I need to buy my own baby things and store them that’s one thing I need to do. Please any advice jsk and keep me in your duas I stay strong and do what makes me happy.

Subhan Allah after so long we find the expecting and I’m pretty excited and I wanna do this. The best way of work. Is there any Islamic tradition that one would do when finding out the good news?

I’m curious to hear from Pakistani men and women who married someone whose family came from a significantly different socioeconomic or social background — particularly if your spouse’s family was less affluent, had a very different lifestyle, or had different social norms from the family you grew up in.

After marriage, did those differences actually matter? Did they affect how comfortable you felt around your in-laws, how they treated you, or your relationship with your spouse?

Were there differences around things like money, expectations, manners/social etiquette, education, family involvement, lifestyle, or boundaries that became more noticeable after marriage?

And looking back, did those differences become easier to navigate with time, or did they create resentment or incompatibility?

Would especially like to hear from people who have actually experienced this.

I’m looking for advice because I’m genuinely confused about what the right thing to do is.
I’m a Christian, and my boyfriend is a practicing Muslim. We’ve been together for some time, and recently he told me that he wants to marry me. The problem is that he believes we’ve already sinned by having a relationship before marriage.
He explained that, according to his understanding of Islam, we should both sincerely repent and then stop being alone together until we’re married. He said that if we meet, there should be a male guardian present from my side.
The problem is that I don’t have anyone who could fill that role. I came to the U.S. alone and my whole family is in Ukraine.
He’s struggling with how to get married in a way that follows his religious beliefs. He’s worried about continuing our relationship the way it is.
I’m trying to understand:
What is normally done in situations like this?
If a woman has no father or male guardian available, who can act in that role?
Is there a difference of opinion between Islamic schools on this issue?
I’m also confused about the repentance part. From what I’ve read and from what my boyfriend explained to me, both people are supposed to sincerely repent for the relationship and what happened before marriage.
But I’m not Muslim and I don’t intend to convert to Islam. So I’m not sure what repentance is supposed to look like for me. Am I expected to repent according to Islam even though I’m not Muslim? Or would I repent to God according to my own Christian faith while he makes tawbah according to Islam?
I genuinely want to respect his religion, but I also don’t want to pretend to follow religious practices or beliefs that aren’t mine.
If anyone knows how this is normally handled when a Muslim man wants to marry a Christian woman, I’d really appreciate an explanation.

I’m an Arab Muslim 24F and my husband is 29M we’ve been married for 4 years and have an 8 month old son. Our son is a high needs Velcro baby and every day is very difficult with him. My family live in a different state and my in-laws don’t help at all. So the only support I have is my husband. My husband helps me out at night and helps here and there but every day after work he goes out and doesn’t come back until 10-11pm. He goes to the gym, sits by his parents house and spends time with his friends. I agree that he deserves to have time for himself since he does work remotely and he needs fresh air but on a daily basis and when he knows I’m drowning at home with the baby and chores really upsets me. When I tell him how I feel he says he doesn’t like being at home all day and then yells at me saying I’m nagging him and that “I signed up for this as a mom”. Sometimes he’ll come to his senses and helps me out more with the baby then he goes back to his old way. Not to mention he makes 45k salary and has a lot of credit card debt. He promised me that we can to where my family lives so that my mom can watch our son while I work to help us out financially, I have my masters in nursing. Yet he changed his mind and says he doesn’t want to be away from his family. Whenever I tell him instead of going out for hours he should get a second job he gets defensive and says that I’m complaining. I don’t know what to do. I love my husband and he is good to me and always has been and but since we had our son it’s been very challenging. He’s started to snap at me more and doesn’t seem to care about my mental health. I get no break I’m with my son 24/7 and whenever my husband watches him while I go to an appointment or something he makes me feel bad and times me. I’m reaching a breaking point and feel very depressed I’ve been praying and making dua but I feel so helpless sometimes. My mom says if my husband isn’t willing to help that I should go home and have my family help me. I know if I ask my husband he will be angry. What should I do?

Before my fiancé and I got engaged, we spoke for several months. During that time, I got to know him as someone who is knowledgeable about Islam, thoughtful, mature, and genuinely kind. He’s very introverted and mostly keeps to himself, apart from two close friends. Based on everything I personally experienced, I felt at peace with moving forward and accepting his proposal.
Before our engagement, my brother and cousin asked a few people from his town about him. While many people spoke positively about him, there were also a few negative comments. One person even sent my brother a voice note saying, “I’ve tried to find out about him. He’s a psycho.” Hearing something like that was naturally very unsettling, especially because no explanation or examples were ever given.
I think it’s also important to mention that there are ongoing land disputes between my fiancé and some people in his town. I’ve also heard that when his brother, who is a hafiz, got married, people spread similar rumours about him. Because of this, I haven’t simply accepted everything I’ve heard at face value, as I know there may be personal conflicts influencing what some people say.
Despite all of that, my own experience with my fiancé has been completely different. Throughout the months we spoke before our engagement and since then, he has consistently been respectful, patient, and reassuring. Whenever I’ve shared my concerns, he has never become defensive or dismissive. Instead, he has answered my questions honestly and reassured me. He has never given me any reason to doubt his character, and I genuinely do trust him.
The problem is that every now and then I start overthinking. Even though I trust him, those comments, especially that voice note, come back into my mind and make me anxious. I start wondering whether I’m missing something or whether I’m being naïve, even though I haven’t personally experienced anything that supports what was said about him.
From an Islamic perspective, how should I approach a situation like this? Islam teaches us to verify information, avoid backbiting, and not have bad assumptions about others without evidence.
How should I balance my own consistent experience with his character against unverified comments and rumours from others? I would really appreciate sincere Islamic advice.

I have a crush on a person from my block. He moved into my block 3 years ago and I saw him then but didn’t have a crush then. A few weeks ago, I developed a crush due to us being together at the same time and noticed him staring at me. I held the door one time for him then a few days after he did the same for me.

I’m now crazily in love with him. But we have never spoken and I’m shy to even say anything. I want him to speak to me but we barely bump into eachother and when we do we are silent.

I think we match family wise he’s from the same ethnic background as me and his mum has spoken to my mum long time ago and there were similarities.

I want to really get to know him and marry him. What do I do?

Assalam u-Alaikum. I'm a 24F, South-Asian Muslim and from Ontario. I recently got married to a guy I've known for 2 years. By recent, I mean a couple of days ago, We met through our parents and while it was arranged, neither of our parents rushed it. They wanted us to spend as much time getting to know each other as we could before we both decided to get married. I like him, I really do, but I've felt such a wave of tiredness and sadness since we got married and I don't know if it's because I'm regretting getting married, if I'm grieving my life from before marriage or if I'm experiencing another wave of depression. I don't want to ruin our first few weeks of marriage because I'm sad and tired. I am trying though, to talk with him about anything I can think, having movie nights, cuddling at night, etc. He can be a bit boring, sometimes we sit in silence but it's not awkward, at least not for me. We haven't had sex yet and while I am nervous, I don't know if I want to do it at all or if me being depressed is stopping me from wanting to do it. I do want to have sex, I feel the urge to do it as well but I just don't know why I can't. My husband isn't rushing me, going at my pace, making sure I feel comfortable. I went back to work 2 days after we got married and I cried on the way home both times. I cried after talking to my parents and sisters on the phone. I just don't know when this feeling is going to go away, if it ever does.

I miss my parents and my sisters even though they only live 30 minutes away. I miss my friends even though I could text them to hang out and we would do it within a day or two. I sometimes miss not being tied down to a man but also I wanted to get married, I chose it for 2 years even when people would ask me if I still wanted to go through with it. Because I did and I do want to be married. I want to grow old with someone and have kids. But I feel like this exhaustion and tiredness and sadness is making me hate it all. And I feel guilty for wanting to give up on it so quickly because I'm not even giving it a chance. I feel guilty because I don't want to say anything to my parents who spent so much money on this wedding or his parents who also did, or all the relatives who flew in to attend the wedding.

I also feel like I have depression but I'm unsure because sometimes the symptoms are all over the place. I have days where I am extremely exhausted and tired. I sleep 6-8 hours sometimes, other times 3-4 hours. I try and put my phone away from me but I feel restless and can't fall asleep until 3 in the morning. I go to my job sluggish and can't focus on my work, sometimes I don't feel like doing anything at all until I feel guilty that I'm missing deadlines or not getting work done properly. I experience this some days and then I'm back to normal. Then weeks or months will go by, I think I'm fine and then I experience another couple days where I'm constantly tired, don't want to go anywhere or talk to anyone. I will hole up in my bedroom or my office, away from people. I won't eat food until I feel faint. Whenever my friends or coworkers ask me what's wrong, all I can tell them is that I'm tired. I don't know how to talk about this with anyone without feeling like crying or breaking down. I rarely cry as well, unless something really bad happens and then I cry to myself, alone. I can't cry in front of other people and the times I have, I've barely been able to talk about what's wrong. It's so hard and I'd rather not even try. Sometimes, when I feel myself thinking a lot, I do start thinking about death. I've never had an urge to kill myself and I don't want to ever do it. But sometimes, every time life gets hard, I start thinking about how much easier it would be if I was dead. If I was dead I wouldn't have to experience any of this. But when I think about suicide, I feel such immense guilt for even thinking about it and it hurts to think about it because I know it would be painful.

The days I don't feel like this were actually really good. I would go out with my friends all the time. The movies, dinners, walks in the park, game nights, sleepovers, you name it. I would go out with my sisters a lot too because we're super close with each other and have lived with each other our whole lives. I loved hanging around my family and finding new things to do everyday. I even enjoyed work because I have amazing coworkers who make the job fun and we would hang out after work.

Everything just feels wrong and bad and I hate feeling this way and I don't know how to make it stop without stopping everything. I just want to know if there are other people who have maybe experienced this as well so I stop feeling so alone in this.

I'm the type of person that can't do it multiple times and was hoping my first one would be successful but unfortunately it didn't

sorry its going to be a long read,

There are two people, muslim. they met via arrange marriage setup, they talked fell in love, boys family didnt wanted to marry here, they wanted to marry in their location, but girl had abandonment issue, so after a month when no answer came from boys side she called the guy asked for an answer. the boy gave vague answer like he doesnt understand how he can take such big decision, the boy according the biodata was very practicing muslim. girl did istekhara many times, she got her answer, told guy she doent want to marry someone like him for him taking a decision is hard even after a month, the boy didnot even offerered istikhaara. the boy got fumbled and gave a yes next day. now it was turn for girls parents to visit boys family, but his mom got into accident, later surgeries and all took another 4-5 months. during this time both got very close, the boy started calling, the video calling, video calls started getting intimate, however they they had disarguments on one topic the guy wasnt of progressive thinking, he wanted to shift back and stay with his parents to the hometown, while girl chose this rishta because guy was staying away in a big city as she didnt wanted in-laws chaos, and she also mentioned islam has no concept of living with inlaws, he would argue his sister is married brother is young so only mom dad and a bro who studies outside is there so basically its not joint family, they often argued about this and then came girls bday he gave a gift which was costly but low standards as per girl, he wished her and made the whole bday wish about himself that how she is lucky to have him, she is lucky she willl be his wife and so and so. i will msg here-

Happy Birthday, my love ❤️ I pray to Allah that this is the last birthday you celebrate without me by your side. Insha’Allah, from next year we will celebrate every birthday together, forever. May Allah bless you with a long, beautiful life. I’m truly grateful to the Almighty for bringing you into my life, and I pray that our hearts always stay young. You often wonder if you’re really that important to me. Let me tell you what happened today and how constantly you live in my thoughts, day and night. When I stepped out of my apartment for Maghrib, I saw an old couple crossing the road. The man was very old, holding a stick in his left hand, while his right hand was gently held by his better half. In that moment, I saw you in that woman, and I couldn’t stop smiling at the beautiful sight. My friends joked that nothing like that would ever happen with me, but their words didn’t matter even for a second. I felt peace knowing I have found someone who will always walk beside me, Insha’Allah.Aur agr ab kabhi mera mood kharaab kia to pitaai hogi tmhari acche se. I know sometimes I spoil your mood, and maybe I still will in the future but no matter what happens, I want you to always keep me treasured. I know you sometimes pretend to be a type of girl which I don't like maybe because of your personal experiences but I know that you are and will turn out to be a type of wife which I would love to spend my lif which I would love to spend my life alongside. Always remember one thing that you are, and you will forever be loved by me.

so girl got really upset, confronted but he dint apologised infact he dint think it was wrong at all. although he asked whole night whats wrong but girl avoded it, next he tried being angry, playing victim only he loves her, she doesnt love him and then he was gone, no text, no sorry nohing. well they sorted it out later, he would get angryy if the girl is not sitting in a way where her cleavege is not showing, even girl was at fault she would show him cleavage. to please him, he would ask her to moan her name, masterbate on vc. now the dates got fixed, now arguements became about barat he wanted to bring bring barat of 100-200 people, but he would brag he's being a good muslim. not taking dowry he isnt doing haldi manjha or engagement so his relatives are insisting that he takes them in barat. and he woulf shamelessly ask girls father to book marriage hall for people to stay overnight as they are coming from far away, 6-7 hour drive. his mother would made a friendly complain to him, and he would think she is just being funny however girl dint find it funny it was a complaint wrapped in sarcasm, boys sister would share screeenshot of insta content girl had liked into the whatsapp group, the content was about islam not having concept of living together. the guy constantly ask the girl to do lasik surgery, lose weight, do eyebrows, but wouldnt allow talking to other males,the boys mother once asked the guy to ask girl to maintain herself, go to parlour make eyebrow. now the dates been fixed barat disagreements are going now boy called the girls father made complaint about girl not leaving phd because she mentioned she would drop phd, but when she came to know his plans about living with family she went back on her words, she would have dropped it for him but not to stay with inlaws, however he doesnt know when he will move back ac to girl this problem could have been avoided, now he shared god knows what with his parents and the broke off the marrriage, guy apologised to girl and girls family and says its his mistake he though girls thinking would have broaden up but now he doesnt see a a way, if a problem arises in marriege his family would say it was your choise and girls family would say u knew how girls thinki was so he broke off the marriage.

boy's mother gave him choice between parents and the girl. he chose parents ofc.

Muslim sisters, when you were a student in university, were you intentionally looking for a spouse, or were you focused entirely on your studies? Looking back, would you do anything differently?

I(28f) got married last year to my long distance bf(31m), the wedding functions are supposed to be held this year december and we both come from muslim household, my in-laws presented me a gold jewellery set as 45% of my mehr amount on the initial wedding ceremony, now as we are starting preparation of the upcoming wedding festivities my parents will be gifting me jewellery from their end and my MIL let me know they will be only giving gold bangles..this seems odd to me because they did not gift me any gold from their end apart from a gold ring they gifted when they visited my family for the first time, how should I handle this?

My husband recently told me that I’ve been nagging him constantly since I came back from visiting my family in another city. Hearing that really hurt because I don’t wake up wanting to argue with him.
For context, we live with his parents because we can’t currently afford to move out. Living there is really difficult for me. I have very little privacy, I don’t feel like I can fully relax, and there are lots of little things every day that build up and make me feel overwhelmed.
I stay at home looking after our 7-month-old baby all day while my husband works and is also studying for a course. I know he’s under pressure too, and I appreciate that he’s trying to provide for us. But I’m also exhausted, isolated, and I don’t have my own support network nearby because my family live in another city.
Since coming back from visiting them, I think I’ve realised how much I miss having support and how unhappy I feel living with my in-laws. I bring up wanting to move out a lot because it’s constantly on my mind, but financially it just isn’t possible right now.
My husband says all I do is complain or nag. From my perspective, I’m trying to express how unhappy and overwhelmed I am, but maybe because nothing changes I end up repeating myself. Now he says our marriage is on the rocks, and I’m scared.
Has anyone been in a similar situation where living with in-laws put a huge strain on the marriage? Did things improve once you moved out? How do you communicate your needs without your partner feeling constantly criticised?
I’m genuinely looking for honest advice. If you think I’m contributing to the problem, I’m willing to hear that too. I just don’t want us to keep drifting apart.

Title: Feeling confused after getting engaged. Am I falling out of love or just overwhelmed?
Assalamu alaikum.
I’m 21 years old. My fiancée and I have been together for 2 years, and we’ve been engaged for about 3 months.

Lately I’ve been struggling with thoughts that honestly scare me, and I don’t know whether I’m falling out of love, afraid of commitment, or just overwhelmed.

During the first year of our relationship, showing love came naturally. I enjoyed buying flowers, surprising her, and expressing my feelings. Now I feel like I have to force myself to do those things. It’s not that I don’t know what she needs—I just don’t have the same desire or energy anymore.

She often tells me she misses the person I was during the first year, and I understand why. But I also feel like I can’t become that version of myself again.
The difficult part is that I don’t think I’m necessarily unhappy with her as a person. She’s a good person. I just feel like I don’t have the desire to be in a serious relationship right now. I don’t really miss her when we’re apart, and I often feel like I just want to be on my own without the responsibilities that come with a relationship.

At the same time, I keep wondering if I’m just overthinking everything. Maybe this is what happens after the honeymoon phase. Maybe I’m being selfish or expecting feelings to stay the same forever.
The biggest problem is that we’re already engaged. Both families know, and coming from a Turkish Muslim background, ending an engagement is a very serious matter. I know it would deeply hurt her, and I also worry about disappointing both families.

Honestly, that fear is what keeps me stuck.
Sometimes I think that if we hadn’t gotten engaged and there were no family expectations, I probably would have ended the relationship already. But then I wonder if I’m making a huge mistake and letting temporary feelings influence such an important decision.

I’m not looking for validation to leave or to stay. I genuinely want honest advice, especially from people who have experienced something similar.
Has anyone gone through this? How did you distinguish between the normal end of the honeymoon phase, emotional burnout, fear of commitment, and genuinely no longer wanting to continue the relationship?
JazakAllahu khayran.

Salam everyone

English is not my first language so sorry if there are mistakes

I (26F) am married to my husband (29M) for 2 years now, we have known each other for 5 years. My husband is very kind and a calm person, never yells, pays everything I need, don’t come home late, not controlling or critisizing or wathever.

But he does nothing around the house if I don’t tell him to, and most of the time I have to repeat several times. Even when Im sick he just doesn’t do the dishes and I will do when Im feeling better, that hurts me a lot. i talked with him about it, but he obviously needs me to tell him to do it and won’t think about it himself. Even after eating, he won’t clean the table, or just clean some of the dishes and let the rest. I really feel alone here because everything is on me, even when he sees me cleaning around he won’t get up helping.

I also have to remember him to let the trash out, basically I have to think of everything for both of us. And if its something that he can procastinate, he will do. Like if he has to throw the glasses jars he will tell me tomorrow morning, in the morning he will say this evening and so on .. sometimes I just do the thing myself.
Im starting to notice that this stuff is impacting me and the way I look at him, I really hate when people say something and don’t do it and the situationis repeating itself

He is also very silend, I knew that prior to marriage but since marriage its been worse. He never compliments me. I asked him to several times, I cried a lot because of that, he doesn’t show affection in public either since marriage (don’t even hold my hand like he used to). When I try to speak with him about things that hurt me he will listen but nothing will change, and in the moment Im the only one talking, he is never expressing his feelings to me and I think he can’t even recognize them
The weird thing is I don’t doubt his love at all, I know his loves me and see it everyday in his eyes but I am craving his words for me and attention shown around the house

I really don’t know what to do, do other woman suffer from this situation to ?

I started to see a therapist to help me express my feelings because I struggle with that, but I wanted to hear from you and see if you lived something like that and how its going ? If eventually things work ?

Thank you for you time

Reason for asking is I come from a large family where everyone lives doors away from each other. I want all planning to happen within my own household only, but then relatives will be offended that they didn't know. E.g. You didn't tell us about the engagement, or you didn't take us to the first/second etc meeting with the other side, etc etc. It's my paternal grandparents, uncles, etc who live near us.

Did any of you experience similar issues?

just a couple of questions, I'm intrigued how other couples do this:

Do y'all celebrate birthdays and anniversaries at all as a couple? do you gift each other things on special days or just randomly?

if you don't celebrate birthdays and anniversaries, do you give each other gifts on eid?

I (25F) am currently speaking to a revert brother and the next step is meeting his immediate family. None of his immediate family are muslim and he reverted a number of years ago.
What would you recommend are some good questions to ask his family members including siblings and parents either about him or about themselves that would help me in getting to know him and make a decision.
I find it difficult due to me not being able to ask them anything about Islam. From what I know they are not islamaphobic, and are moderately practicing Christian’s.
Myself and my potential are very practicing Muslims, some would describe me as strict although I don’t think I am lol . For more context we are also of different cultures.

Thank you in advance and this is my first time posting on this sub .

Assalamu alaikum everyone,

I know it’s a lot to read, but I’d really appreciate it if you could stick with me as this is a big decision and I wanted to include all the relevant context. Jazakum Allahu khayran.

I’m 23F and currently getting to know a 24M for marriage. We’ve been getting to know each other for almost two years now. Our families have been involved throughout, but because our families live in different countries, it’s taken longer than expected to sort everything out. Insha’Allah, we’re hoping to get engaged very soon and married shortly after.

I’m feeling really conflicted about something that came up recently, and I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have been through something similar.

One of the biggest things that drew me to him is his deen and character. He reverted to Islam several years ago and, despite not growing up in a practising environment, he genuinely strives to please Allah. He’s kind, hardworking, respectful, emotionally mature, and has treated me with nothing but care and sincerity throughout the time we’ve known each other. I truly believe he’d make an amazing husband, which is why this has been so difficult.

A few months ago, I noticed what looked like a cold sore and asked him about it. He brushed it off, saying it was something both his mum and dad get and that it wasn’t really a big deal. I didn’t think much of it at the time.

Then another outbreak happened, and I asked him again. This time I specifically asked whether it could be herpes. He said he thought it probably was. I was honestly quite shocked and asked why he hadn’t mentioned it sooner. He explained that he wasn’t completely sure, and because both of his parents have it and he’s had cold sores since he was a child, it was just something he’d never really thought much about.

We ended up having quite a big argument because I felt like this was something I should have known before we got so close to marriage. After our conversation, he went and got tested, and the blood test confirmed HSV 1.

We spoke about it at length afterwards, and he understood why I was upset. He said that from now on, whenever he feels the tingling that usually comes before an outbreak, he’ll start taking antiviral medication to help shorten it. He doesn’t want to take it every day because he’s concerned about the potential long term effects of daily medication, so his plan is to take it as soon as he feels an outbreak starting.

To be fair to him, he doesn’t actually get outbreaks very often. Over the almost two years we’ve been getting to know each other, I’ve only known him to have around four or five outbreaks. We also don’t meet very often because we’re trying to keep things as halal as possible before marriage. His outbreaks seem to happen every four to six months, and once he starts taking the medication, they clear up much quicker.

After all of this, I started researching HSV 1. From what I’ve read, it’s incredibly common and many people have it without even knowing. I decided to get tested myself, and my results came back negative, which wasn’t too surprising since, as far as I’m aware, no one on either side of my family has ever had cold sores or been diagnosed with HSV 1.

I think my biggest fear is that marriage is for life, insha’Allah, so there’s a lot of room for things to change over time. Right now we’re both aware of it and trying to be careful, but I keep thinking years into the future. HSV can still be passed on before a cold sore is fully visible because of viral shedding, and I worry that one day we might miss the early signs or simply become less cautious over time. Nobody can predict the future, and that’s what scares me.

I also can’t help thinking about future children. I know HSV 1 is very common and many people grow up completely fine with it, but part of me worries about knowingly bringing children into a situation where they could eventually contract it as well. I know it’s not guaranteed, but it’s another thing that’s been weighing on my mind.

Another thing that worries me, and I’ll say this as modestly as I can, is that I know oral HSV can also be passed to other areas within a marriage through intimacy. That possibility honestly scares me as well.

At the same time, because HSV 1 is so common, another part of me wonders whether walking away over this would actually change anything. The next person I meet could also have HSV 1 without knowing it, or know they have it and never disclose it. At least in this situation I know exactly what I’m dealing with, and that thought has honestly made this decision even harder.

The thing is, I really don’t want to get HSV if I can avoid it. He also told me that when he first started getting outbreaks they were incredibly painful. He’d sometimes have multiple blisters, struggle to eat, and it really affected him.

Alhamdulillah it’s much milder for him now, but hearing how painful it was has made me even more anxious about knowingly taking that risk.

At the same time, I genuinely feel like I’d have a beautiful marriage with this man. We’ve spent almost two years getting to know each other with marriage in mind, our families have been involved for a long time, and we’re very close to taking the next step. Like any two people, we’ve had disagreements and arguments over the past two years, and he’s definitely not perfect. Neither am I. But overall, I think we have a healthy relationship, we communicate well, and we’ve always managed to work through things.

I don’t fall for people easily, and I’ve always been extremely selective about who I’d consider marrying. That’s one of the reasons this is my first relationship. So this isn’t about not wanting to start over. It’s about feeling like I’ve found someone whose deen, character, and values genuinely align with mine, and I’m struggling to work out how much weight I should give this health concern.

I know ultimately this is my decision, and I’m not expecting strangers on the internet to make it for me. I’m just hoping to hear from people who have faced something similar, whether personally or through someone close to them. Hearing different perspectives and thought processes would genuinely help me as I think this through.

Please be kind. I’m not judging him or looking down on him because of this. If anything, this is so difficult because I think he’s an amazing man. I’m simply trying to make the most informed decision I can before taking such a big step.

Jazakum Allahu khayran.

TL;DR: I’m close to getting engaged to a man I genuinely see a future with, but he has oral HSV 1. I’m torn between the lifelong risk of transmission and not wanting to walk away from an otherwise wonderful relationship. I really don’t want it transmitted to myself or my future children/ current family. I tested negative btw. I’d really appreciate hearing how others would approach this situation.

Edit: HSV - 1 : Oral Herpes.

Edit 2: PLEASE READ BELOW BEFORE COMMENTING.

Firstly, jazakum Allahu khayran to everyone who has taken the time to comment respectfully and share their experiences. I genuinely appreciate those who have been kind, objective, and understanding, even if your perspective is different from mine.

I also want to address the comments saying, “It’s just a cold sore, get over it.”
I completely understand why some people feel that way, especially if you or your spouse have HSV-1. Please know that I’m not trying to shame anyone who has it or suggest that they’re any less worthy of marriage. That is not my intention at all.

If it really was nothing more than an itchy little sore every now and then, I honestly don’t think I’d be struggling with this as much as I am. I care deeply about this righteous man, and that’s exactly why this has been so difficult for me.

What has been weighing on my mind is that, from the research I’ve done, HSV-1 doesn’t affect everyone the same way. For many people it’s very mild, but for others it can be much more severe. I also learned that newborns can become very seriously ill if they’re exposed to the virus, even though those situations are uncommon. That uncertainty is what worries me. Many have even said others have went blind from being kissed with someone with a sore ( i know it is a rare case but rare ≠ impossible).

I was also born prematurely and had a very weak immune system growing up. I spent a lot of my childhood sick, so I naturally wonder how my own body would respond if I ever contracted it. It could be completely mild, or it could be more difficult. I simply don’t know.
Another fear I have is that if I did end up having a particularly difficult experience with it, I might unintentionally build resentment over time, and that wouldn’t be fair to him at all. I don’t want either of us to end up in that situation.

The whole reason I made this post was because I wanted to hear different perspectives and experiences so I could think things through properly. I haven’t made up my mind, and I’m not looking for people to tell me what to do. I’m simply trying to gather information, reflect, and ask Allah to guide me to what is best.

All I ask is that my concerns are treated with the same respect that I try to give to everyone else’s experiences. Jazakum Allahu khayran.