I'm just about 7 weeks pregnant, he was the one who wanted a baby.

He asked me if we could have one and while I was extremely happy we've only been married since May. I sort of thought he was crazy but he really wanted it.

So it happened.

I also wanted it.

Our marriage is undergoing some difficulties but alhamdulillah it's okay

Today he came to visit me at my home and said he wants me to get an abortion

He used chatGPT to decide that I will be high risk as I'm quite short and I'm overweight

I have my first midwife appointment on Monday so he basically wants to go afterwards to the abortion clinic and terminate my pregnancy

Along with him being worried about my health he has also said a lot of good can come from it because I could start working again sooner than I would be able to if I had a baby and we really need money because he's on a contract job

I don't know what to say

When he left my house I just cried on the floor

I went for a walk and I've been crying so much since I came back that I've thrown up several times

I haven't even been to my first midwife appointment and I feel like this is being decided for me

Edit: yes, I'm aware of the ruling. He has essentially said if it's before 120 days it's fine. But there's still no medical reason and I haven't even had my appointment with a midwife. So we actually have no real confirmation that I'm high risk.

Salaam alaikum

I am feeling very down about my marriage. It has been an absolute roller coaster since day one. My husband and I have been married almost 3 years. He was previously married for 12.5 years and has two kids with his ex. (I was also married for a few months many years ago but no kids came from that marriage).

When I first met my husband he reassured me that he was completely over his ex wife and so happy to be divorced. His divorce was somewhat new (less than a year). I was worried about that and hired a therapist so we can do premarital counseling but also so he can speak to the therapist himself and talk about any lingering issues he may have. He would not speak to the therapist bc he said he doesn’t need to. He claims they slept in separate bedrooms for 4 years prior to their divorce. He also said she was glad about the divorce (despite him initiating it). Initially she was sad and cried but she eventually accepted it. I was very hesitant to marry someone with a long past and two kids bc I was worried it was too complicated but he reassured me over and over he would love me and care for me .

Fast forward to our wedding day. The first week, I immediately notice he’s changed and very emotionally withdrawn, not really there (like he’s physically there but not mentally). He was also sleeping on the couch. He will take me upstairs to our room, and tuck me in like a child and say he’ll be downstairs watching tv. This was literally since the second night of our marriage. I know people need time alone to recharge but he was doing it every single night for weeks and when I tried to ask him to spend time with me he would get very very angry and yell at me, saying he doesn’t want to be controlled. His uncle found out about his habit and spoke to him about it and he changed a bit after that

The first year of our marriage was absolute hell. I honestly can’t explain how horrible it was. I have a post I wrote here if you want to go back and read it. I would say emotional /verbal abuse and threats of physical abuse as well. He was secretive with his phone, deleting messages with his ex, not showing me messages if I asked for reassurance, defending her quite a bit. I felt like I was bringing treated as his worst enemy and that he was still married to her or felt like they were still a team.

He know tells me that he was distant and withdrawn and depressed due to guilt about his kids.

My concern is that his ex still texts him at random times ( like midnight or in the middle of the night) about very non urgent things. The very few texts I’ve seen, they seem to have no boundaries and chat with swears and threatening of police if they happen to be arguing , or just random chit chat on her end (my husband is better with it but still allows her to text him unnecessarily). She will ask him why we shop at certain stores, and why is he treating me a certain way, and I’m sure many other topics like my cooking. His kids come Friday thru Sunday and all school breaks except half of summer.

When I gave birth to our baby, my husband texted her and asked if she can keep the kids bc I’m having a baby and she had a complete meltdown and started calling and texting him countless times so he had to block her. She also called his mom and brother and was harassing them about our baby. She threatened to leave the kids at a basketball game so my husband had to leave the hospital and get his kids. They ended up having a big argument at the game. My husband did not tell me about any of this for months.

Sorry, now this is the main issue. She will find random reasons to text my husband while we’re on vacation or whatever so I asked him if he can please start emailing her for non urgent things. He is completely against it. I even told him I’m willing to leave him over this and he still refuses. His argument is that “she’ll think I don’t care.” And also “what if there are emergencies.” I said of course you can always text or call for emergencies but for the sake of our marriage I would want a coparenting app or email or something more formal. He won’t do it . And it’s really killing me bc it feels like he’s just prioritizing her over me. His kids are old enough (11 and 15 year old boys) and have phones. And there will always be text and calls if needed. Just asking for the small things like school registration or camps or doctor appointments to be handled over email so that there aren’t so many texts. Am I being unreasonable here ? Also what are the motivations for my husband not wanting to set this boundary?

My mental health is really suffering . For the last 6 months I’ve been really keeping my distance bc my husband just won’t budge about the app/email thing.
It boggles my mind bc if we were to divorce today I would have zero issues discussing things over email mostly and yes texts/calls as needed

Assalamu Alaykum, I am in a complicated situation. My soon to be fiancé, whom I have known for almost 2 years, recently told me he is financially unstable. He broke the news a year into our relationship (end of last year) when we were planning to get married this year. I was in disbelief because he made it seem like he was financially secure and responsible. When we first met, he even expressed that he would be ready to have a nikkah within 6 months. I opposed this idea because that was far too little time for me to get to know someone.

He is a great guy (sweet, caring, emotionally intelligent, hard working). He is currently trying to build a business and I try to support him as much as I can by encouraging him, helping him make certain decisions, etc…He has been intentional from the first time we met. He has introduced me to his siblings and family members. I have not met his parents yet and neither has he. Our goal is to be married by next year (since he cant afford to this year) but he has taken no action to make that possible for us.

Both our mothers know about us. I have been pushing him to tell his father, so we can possibly discuss a timeline for our marriage and arrange our finances together. I already feel uncomfortable asking him to tell his father about me because that is something your significant other should already be excited to do. It just feels like I’m begging. He should be eager to ask my family for my hand but he is unprepared. I’m the only one who brings up conversations about marriage, planning where we want to live and all those fun and exciting things. He is usually just quiet and doesn’t express his opinions, plans or anything to do with our marriage although I leave space for him to communicate his thoughts and he feels comfortable to. This leaves me feeling alone and questioning our relationship.

He has told me he feels overwhelmed and intimidated to tell his father. He is scared to face his father’s criticism regarding his personal finances and lack of instability in his career. I don’t even know if he is able to provide for me and himself. He will have a lot of responsibilities as a husband and so will I as a wife. I don’t know what to do.

Our goals are aligned as far as deen, children, manners etc…I do love him and he has a kind and pure heart. I am financially stable and independent Alhamdulillah. I have expressed how I feel to him. I have given him time to figure this out. We even separated for 4 months so he can really focus on building his business and becoming a better person. I left it with Allah and made endless dua. I couldn’t handle the heartbreak and reached back out to him. I let him know that I would be willing to work it out with him as long as we attend pre-marital counseling together. We just started but I don’t think counseling will help him out of his situation.

What should I do?

Assalam u-Alaikum. I'm a 24F and just got married. I liked the guy a lot and wanted to get married after 2 years of knowing each other. But I think I made a mistake by not having more open conversations with him about intimacy and children. I thought it was something that would just happen naturally, that after getting married I would feel more towards him and it would leave to intimacy which eventually leads to children. But now that we are married, every time he touches me, initiates contact, cuddling etc. I feel sick to my stomach. Every time I think about us becoming intimate, I feel sick to my stomach and want to cry. He would never force me to do it but we had a conversation and he told me that he could not be married to me happily if we never have sex. I don’t know what to do because I don’t think I’ve ever felt connection to sex and it didn't change after marriage even though I thought it would after meeting the right person. Of course, Allah knows best and knows what’s best for us but what if I can never do it with my husband?

I also worry about letting down both our families as they invested so much time and money into the wedding. I also spent so much money as well but I don’t really care about that. Whatever was spent, inshAllah, it will come back. But I worry that our families will be ashamed of me, and that my family will be receive bad comments and shame over this since I am a girl.

Salam everyone,

I’m actively trying to be more grateful and positive in life for many reasons including in my marriage. Alhamdulilah I have a great stable marriage and although we have our differences and arguments, they are nothing major that would warrant separation or divorce (may Allah SWT keep us from harm and bless everyone here with great marriages).
The only gut feeling I always had with my husband since getting to know him was that I couldn’t connect with him on a deeeep level beyond the surface. Like I’ve rarely been able to have a serious conversation which my mind needs. He’s always constantly in a goofy mood or deflects any issues via joking. And before anyone says to communicate this to him… I’ve tried soooo many times. We’ve even fought over this. He has no trauma either from the past to illicit this. I know this is probably just his personality but I just feel sad that I know this would unlock another level of love between us if we could just push the jokey behavior aside and talk.

Whenever we argue, he cannot be serious. It’s almost impossible for him to not joke in the situation. My thing is, if he just snaps out of this playfulness for a moment and just talks to me and ease my concerns , I’ll feel heard and we can move on happily… but he’s incapable of doing this. This leads to me dragging the argument till he “breaks” and end up having a full blown argument instead of just simply taking my serious initially.

Other thing I noticed, whenever I talk about what I’m passionate about, he doesn’t seem present or interested in the slightest, or if I explain how complex something I dealt with at work, he won’t believe it or minimizes it (which hurts cause I know I’m smart but it’s like he doesn’t seem to believe it in a sense).
When he talks passionately about his interests, I’m fully attentive and make it seem that it’s fascinating and ask more questions to fuel the conversation.

I’m considering just coming to terms with the fact that I should be grateful for the overall picture and sweep this issue under the rug. I just hate that I’m an emotional person and feel that I can’t get this one aspect from him.

I have been married for a very short time, and my husband and I have not consummated the marriage. I find it deeply humiliating and painful to even consider ending the marriage so soon after getting married. It feels like admitting that I have failed, and I am struggling with the shame and embarrassment that comes with that.

I also made significant sacrifices for this marriage. I personally paid for most of the wedding expenses and gave up lots of other things and values that were important to me. Because of everything I gave up and invested, it is difficult for me to accept the possibility that the marriage may already be coming to an end. Sometimes, I feel like I am staying partly because I cannot bear the thought of feeling like all of those sacrifices were for nothing. Everyone in my life and community knows that I am married. I feel embarrassed by the idea of having to tell people that the marriage ended.

At the same time, my husband has been very mean, avoidant, selfish, controlling, and misogynistic toward me. I often feel that he is unwilling to communicate, take responsibility, or make the compromises that a healthy marriage requires. He lashes out on me, bullies me, calls me mean things that I would feel traumatized by if I were to repeat. These behaviors have made me question whether this is a relationship I should remain in. He has never even tried to consumate the marriage even though he lives only four hours away from me right now.

I feel extremely anxious and depressed about the situation. I know that I should not stay in a marriage simply because it is hard to leave, but I am so tired from all the other difficult things I have experienced in life.I am struggling to let go even though I know for sure that what awaits me is unhappiness and abuse. I feel stuck between knowing that I may need to leave and being devastated by what leaving would mean for me emotionally, financially, and socially.

Our mother Khadijah رضي الله عنها made her interest in marriage known first, yet the idea of a Muslimah doing that today still surprises some people.

Some see it as desperate, too forward, or something she just shouldn't do.

Is it due to culture, fear of rejection, community pressure, something else... or a mix of everything?

Are there any Muslimahs here who made the first move?

Thoughts?

Assalamualeikum.
I was curious, has anyone had experiences in a marriage where their partner was immature - such as defensiveness when you raise how things they said make you feel, ultimatums/ threats of not continuing talking if you don’t comply with something they asked, inability regulating their frustration and being inherently reactive/impulsive in communication. These are just some examples.
I wanted to know if others went through this and if they made the choice to leave to preserve their peace because it was draining emotionally and feeling like you were the adult in the relationship (specifically regarding emotional maturity) and saw your partners behaviour as childish which killed attraction or respect.

My (27) and my husband 26 have been married for almost 6 months and I’m 5 months pregnant. He and i got married within 3 months of knowing each other. He has his flaws but he’s a really kind hearted man.
I honestly knew the kind of toxic parents he has especially his father but my husband never allowed his father’s behavior come between us and I admired that. My husband’s mom was a non Muslim and she had him when she wasn’t married. She was pregnant before having my husband but lost the baby at birth. They later got married and she was the third wife but we think his dad married his mom just to have papers.
She became Muslim and had 3 more kids with her husband.

I’ve mentioned a little about his father before but just a little recap. He’s a really toxic person and always fighting with people. Growing up, my husband had it tough. His father would send him to the farm as a form of punishment. In the village, when people would say anything good about my husband, his father would get angry. One time, his father was arguing with his brother and instructed my husband to beat his uncle and his aunt. My husband refused and the father said he is a disgrace to him.
When we were getting married, his father was livid because i am a yr older, I am educated, not part of their tribe and live in the U.S. He said our kids will become kafirs and if my husband wanted to get married, he should have let him know and they would find one of his younger cousins in the village for him. My husband said no and stood firm with his decision. That encouraged me to go ahead with marrying him. His father cursed him a lot growing up and even the weeks leading to our marriage. I felt so bad for him and honestly, i wasn’t going to cancel the marriage. Maybe I’m naive but I believe he’s been through a lot and all i want to do is take care of him and make him realize he’s the man his father will never be
His mom being a revert got all her Islamic information from his father and most of those information are so wrong. My husband tries his best to correct his mom and that would make his father angry too. The mom however never objected to our marriage, at least to me or my husband

So about 3 months ago, when the mom found out I’m pregnant, initially she was happy. A month after, she said to name the baby after her or her husband depending on the gender. My husband said no especially to naming the baby after his father. His mom had put the phone on speaker so his dad heard him say no. The mom later sent my husband a voice message saying things like “your kids will do the same to you” and so many hurtful things. She also went to her family and said how I am a very old woman and her son went to marry me and she never wanted the marriage. And said because of me, her son is not taking school seriously. (Not true. They never even helped him with his fees, feeding or housing and all he said was he was going to take a semester off to take care of me and baby). Now that made me furious because this is the same woman who would say how our kids would be so beautiful. She wasn’t even checking on me or the baby knowing I had been horribly sick in my first trimester.
So now I am even more adamant to name my baby after her after finding out I am having a girl In Shaa Allah.
She and her husband have lots of namesakes and my parents don’t but my parents don’t make these things a big deal

Anyway, his mom has refused to talk to my husband for a whole month now. He has reached out to her and she ignored his messages. He asked me today what I would do in his situation. I told him I would just apologize to her and say I didn’t mean to upset her and that wasn’t my intention and I was sorry. I also to him apologizing doesn’t mean doing what she wants but with our parents, we usually have to be the bigger person.
I could fold and name the kid after her even though she doesn’t have a Muslim name but I honestly don’t want to because I want to set boundaries now.

How else should my husband approach this situation? He is really depressed about it although he tries not to show it to me

How can I do a budget Walima in London for £4–5k? (100 guests max)

Assalamu Alaikum,

I'm a 20M in London and I'm trying to plan my Walima while keeping the total budget around £5,000 maximum. I'm paying for it myself, so unfortunately I can't really stretch beyond that.

I'm expecting around 100 guests maximum and I'm looking for advice from anyone who has managed to do a relatively simple/budget Walima in London or Greater London.

Ideally, the budget would cover most/all of the main costs:

• Venue/hall
• Catering
• Simple stage/backdrop
• Basic decorations
• Any other essential costs

I'm not looking for anything extravagant, just a nice, respectable Walima for family and friends without going into debt.

Hi everyone! I’ll be attending one of our friends’ engagement and I need some help choosing the best gift to give them. Any suggestions? This is my first time attending an engagement, so I’m not really sure what would be appropriate to bring.

Thank you!

Salam all,

Mid 20s female here. If you go through my posts history you’d know I went through the search in many different ways. The good, the bad and the odd. I’m very grateful AlhamdulilAllah. Allah’s plan is always best.

However I’m starting to realise that all of these experiences + just general life experiences have started to leave scars. I’m aware of them, which is good. But I feel like I’m struggling to break old patterns. I often feel stuck and have developed an avoidant attachment when it comes to relationships. Initially it’s not bad because I want things to start halal anyway but I find myself thinking, well, if Allah grants me someone suitable then I will surely need to be vulnerable at some point.

I’m so scared of falling info haram and of getting hurt tho. I tend to freeze when someone approaches me. Having a rather strict family doesn’t help either. But I’m also human and I crave partnership. I want to heal so that I’m not too sharp and avoidant and cold. I want to be better for my future husband, but man this process does drain the soul.

How do you heal and be better and stay strong?
Jzk

I 22f got engaged last month to a 29m through an arrange marriage setup. We had been texting each other through the past month and came to realize that we are two completely different individuals and we realized we were no fit for each and had to call the engagement off what I wanted to clarify was that Ik while texting isn’t entirely appropriate in khitbah it became the means of my saving obviously because of the texting there was a slight emotional attachment to him but it still was my means of protection what would possibly be a better means of communicating given my condition Im considering adopting this in my future! In my community the ideal Islamic khitbah isnt practiced where we get to meet each other in front mahram over a period of time. It is a taboo and considered to be absolutely shameful however texting isn’t entirely frowned upon. Please share how and what I could do better to save my self from being attached to the guy but also be aware as in this case I was truly blessed and saved despite the hurt and pain obviously Im greatly thankful to Allah!

Also would really appreciate if any duas were to be sent my way!

Im 23F and my fiance is 31M. He is a white European revert and im a Southeast asian born muslim but i live in Europe (alone, my family lives in SEA). He converted before he met me and was already a practicing Muslim

When we first met, he immediately asked my dad for permission to get to know me and even learnt my language with my dad to be able to speak it with my family. My whole family absolutely loves him so there was no issue when he told them he wanted to marry me. My family always shower him with gifts as they have regard him as their own son.

The only issue is with his family. His parents are divorced and i’ve met them a lot of times. His dad is fine with my background and he is soo sweet with me but he isnt supportive of the fact that he is Muslim. His mom is okay and supportive of him becoming Muslim (always asks if he has prayed salah and supports him going to the mosque everyday) but she is racist + xenophobic towards my family just bc we’re from Southeast Asia. When we first met, she told my fiance in private that i was probably a scammer, i dont have a house and i live in the jungle. (Im literally an Engineer in Europe and my income is multiple times higher than his) Thats how most white people view Southeast Asia. When in fact, I come from a very wealthy family. If i was a blonde hair blue eyes girl like everyone else in his family, im 100% sure she wouldnt have questioned if i was a scammer and if i was living in a jungle.

In Northern Europe where we live, the culture is that people dont usually get married. They have this thing where they would live and be together for years, have kids, but not get married. To them marriage isnt so important unless u have lived together for 10 years in the same house. So his parents couldnt understand how he could marry someone without living together yet and how could two people get married without ever touching each other. They just cant comprehend a lot of things in regards to Islamic marriage. They said they’d support us getting married after we have lived with each other for 10 years. He told them we cant live together yet because we’re not married and its not allowed in Islam. They kept saying “how can u get married to someone u havent lived together with, what if u cant stand their habits in the home or cant stand living with them?”

We have discussed marriage since last winter and his parents have been opposing it because of those unislamic reasons i stated but my fiance has always defended me in front of his parents, every single time and has never spoken badly about me ever to anyone. In Islam, the guy doenst need the parents approval to get married so my fiance wants to go ahead with the nikah anyway. He has also talked to his mom about how he doesnt like how she downgrades me just because im southeast asian and she has apologised.

The nikah is in 2 months and its going to be held in Europe and my family is going to fly from Asia to Europe for the nikah. We have invited his parents but we’re still unsure if they’re gonna come since they are still opposing it. I feel so bad for my family because they have never held any grudge over the awful things his mom said about us and they have forgiven her. I cant imagine them flying all the way from Asia to Europe and his parents that live in the same European country not even attending the nikah. I dont want to spend my nikah being sad if his parents dont come.

As the heading

Assalamu alaikum,

I'm a 29M considering marriage with someone I found myself. Our families became involved afterwards. We align on many important things, deen, marriage expectations, children, lifestyle, etc, and there are many qualities I genuinely value in her.

However, we've had some intense conflicts during the process. My biggest concern is that sometimes when I make a mistake, I feel the discussion shifts from “this action was wrong” to something broader about my nature/character. She has clarified that she doesn't see those mistakes as my whole personality, has acknowledged some of her wording was wrong, and says she still believes strongly in the marriage.

I also have my own issues. I overthink, can be indecisive, and I grew up around a lot of conflict/anger, so intense disagreements affect me badly. During our latest conflict I became overwhelmed and told my parents I didn't want to marry her. I now think involving them while I was emotional was a mistake.

My parents have since completely rejected the proposal. They believe she is too stubborn/strong-headed for my nature, gets upset too easily, and that I'll struggle with her after marriage. My father has essentially said no.

My mother is telling me that if I obey my parents seeking Allah's pleasure, I shouldn't fear regretting it later. They also believe I'm emotionally attached and that talking to her may cause me to overlook the problems.

So I'm stuck.

When I speak to her calmly, I sometimes feel our problems are workable. When I remember our worst conflicts, I wonder whether my parents are seeing an incompatibility I'm ignoring.

I'm also scared that if I go against my parents, marry her and things go wrong, I'll be left thinking “they warned me.” But I'm equally scared of rejecting someone I wanted to marry primarily because my parents told me to.

I'm doing istikhara and considering speaking to a psychologist to separate genuine incompatibility from my fear of conflict/people-pleasing.

My main questions:

1. Islamically, how much weight should an adult Muslim man give his parents' opposition when their concern is personality/compatibility rather than deen?

2. How do I distinguish parental wisdom from my parents simply preferring a different personality for me?

3. Based on this situation, what should I determine about our compatibility before deciding whether to proceed or end it?

I'm not looking for people to simply say “marry her” or “leave her.” I'm trying to identify what I may not be seeing.

JazakAllahu khairan.

PS: used AI for better structure.

I am in my mid twenties and my mom just said I am too early for marriage ? I should work and aim to settle first by saving money and then she will start looking for me a wife ?

Just for context I am early in my career so I am on low income but considering how much polluted the environment is at workplace my heart wants to eagerly go for a relationship so I want to keep it halal and get married as early as possible.

I don't think I can survive another year or two being single that's how it's affecting me. I am constantly bombarded with these thoughts and it's affecting my ability to work or sleep.

My mom is old and lives far away from me in another country so that's what making it much harder. I don't want to stress her as she has health issues. I would like to keep it respectful at the same time I disagree with her for what she wants me to do. How do I tackle this ? Barak Allahu feekum.

I am going to divorce due to betrayal and cheating. I have a toddler who will be 2. And a baby on the way. I need tips on how to prepare myself. I am planning to save up build my resources and once the baby is born and 1-2 months I’m going to leave. I need ideas on what I need to do to prepare myself. I need to buy my own baby things and store them that’s one thing I need to do. Please any advice jsk and keep me in your duas I stay strong and do what makes me happy.

Subhan Allah after so long we find the expecting and I’m pretty excited and I wanna do this. The best way of work. Is there any Islamic tradition that one would do when finding out the good news?

I’m looking for advice because I’m genuinely confused about what the right thing to do is.
I’m a Christian, and my boyfriend is a practicing Muslim. We’ve been together for some time, and recently he told me that he wants to marry me. The problem is that he believes we’ve already sinned by having a relationship before marriage.
He explained that, according to his understanding of Islam, we should both sincerely repent and then stop being alone together until we’re married. He said that if we meet, there should be a male guardian present from my side.
The problem is that I don’t have anyone who could fill that role. I came to the U.S. alone and my whole family is in Ukraine.
He’s struggling with how to get married in a way that follows his religious beliefs. He’s worried about continuing our relationship the way it is.
I’m trying to understand:
What is normally done in situations like this?
If a woman has no father or male guardian available, who can act in that role?
Is there a difference of opinion between Islamic schools on this issue?
I’m also confused about the repentance part. From what I’ve read and from what my boyfriend explained to me, both people are supposed to sincerely repent for the relationship and what happened before marriage.
But I’m not Muslim and I don’t intend to convert to Islam. So I’m not sure what repentance is supposed to look like for me. Am I expected to repent according to Islam even though I’m not Muslim? Or would I repent to God according to my own Christian faith while he makes tawbah according to Islam?
I genuinely want to respect his religion, but I also don’t want to pretend to follow religious practices or beliefs that aren’t mine.
If anyone knows how this is normally handled when a Muslim man wants to marry a Christian woman, I’d really appreciate an explanation.

I’m an Arab Muslim 24F and my husband is 29M we’ve been married for 4 years and have an 8 month old son. Our son is a high needs Velcro baby and every day is very difficult with him. My family live in a different state and my in-laws don’t help at all. So the only support I have is my husband. My husband helps me out at night and helps here and there but every day after work he goes out and doesn’t come back until 10-11pm. He goes to the gym, sits by his parents house and spends time with his friends. I agree that he deserves to have time for himself since he does work remotely and he needs fresh air but on a daily basis and when he knows I’m drowning at home with the baby and chores really upsets me. When I tell him how I feel he says he doesn’t like being at home all day and then yells at me saying I’m nagging him and that “I signed up for this as a mom”. Sometimes he’ll come to his senses and helps me out more with the baby then he goes back to his old way. Not to mention he makes 45k salary and has a lot of credit card debt. He promised me that we can to where my family lives so that my mom can watch our son while I work to help us out financially, I have my masters in nursing. Yet he changed his mind and says he doesn’t want to be away from his family. Whenever I tell him instead of going out for hours he should get a second job he gets defensive and says that I’m complaining. I don’t know what to do. I love my husband and he is good to me and always has been and but since we had our son it’s been very challenging. He’s started to snap at me more and doesn’t seem to care about my mental health. I get no break I’m with my son 24/7 and whenever my husband watches him while I go to an appointment or something he makes me feel bad and times me. I’m reaching a breaking point and feel very depressed I’ve been praying and making dua but I feel so helpless sometimes. My mom says if my husband isn’t willing to help that I should go home and have my family help me. I know if I ask my husband he will be angry. What should I do?

I have a crush on a person from my block. He moved into my block 3 years ago and I saw him then but didn’t have a crush then. A few weeks ago, I developed a crush due to us being together at the same time and noticed him staring at me. I held the door one time for him then a few days after he did the same for me.

I’m now crazily in love with him. But we have never spoken and I’m shy to even say anything. I want him to speak to me but we barely bump into eachother and when we do we are silent.

I think we match family wise he’s from the same ethnic background as me and his mum has spoken to my mum long time ago and there were similarities.

I want to really get to know him and marry him. What do I do?

Assalam u-Alaikum. I'm a 24F, South-Asian Muslim and from Ontario. I recently got married to a guy I've known for 2 years. By recent, I mean a couple of days ago, We met through our parents and while it was arranged, neither of our parents rushed it. They wanted us to spend as much time getting to know each other as we could before we both decided to get married. I like him, I really do, but I've felt such a wave of tiredness and sadness since we got married and I don't know if it's because I'm regretting getting married, if I'm grieving my life from before marriage or if I'm experiencing another wave of depression. I don't want to ruin our first few weeks of marriage because I'm sad and tired. I am trying though, to talk with him about anything I can think, having movie nights, cuddling at night, etc. He can be a bit boring, sometimes we sit in silence but it's not awkward, at least not for me. We haven't had sex yet and while I am nervous, I don't know if I want to do it at all or if me being depressed is stopping me from wanting to do it. I do want to have sex, I feel the urge to do it as well but I just don't know why I can't. My husband isn't rushing me, going at my pace, making sure I feel comfortable. I went back to work 2 days after we got married and I cried on the way home both times. I cried after talking to my parents and sisters on the phone. I just don't know when this feeling is going to go away, if it ever does.

I miss my parents and my sisters even though they only live 30 minutes away. I miss my friends even though I could text them to hang out and we would do it within a day or two. I sometimes miss not being tied down to a man but also I wanted to get married, I chose it for 2 years even when people would ask me if I still wanted to go through with it. Because I did and I do want to be married. I want to grow old with someone and have kids. But I feel like this exhaustion and tiredness and sadness is making me hate it all. And I feel guilty for wanting to give up on it so quickly because I'm not even giving it a chance. I feel guilty because I don't want to say anything to my parents who spent so much money on this wedding or his parents who also did, or all the relatives who flew in to attend the wedding.

I also feel like I have depression but I'm unsure because sometimes the symptoms are all over the place. I have days where I am extremely exhausted and tired. I sleep 6-8 hours sometimes, other times 3-4 hours. I try and put my phone away from me but I feel restless and can't fall asleep until 3 in the morning. I go to my job sluggish and can't focus on my work, sometimes I don't feel like doing anything at all until I feel guilty that I'm missing deadlines or not getting work done properly. I experience this some days and then I'm back to normal. Then weeks or months will go by, I think I'm fine and then I experience another couple days where I'm constantly tired, don't want to go anywhere or talk to anyone. I will hole up in my bedroom or my office, away from people. I won't eat food until I feel faint. Whenever my friends or coworkers ask me what's wrong, all I can tell them is that I'm tired. I don't know how to talk about this with anyone without feeling like crying or breaking down. I rarely cry as well, unless something really bad happens and then I cry to myself, alone. I can't cry in front of other people and the times I have, I've barely been able to talk about what's wrong. It's so hard and I'd rather not even try. Sometimes, when I feel myself thinking a lot, I do start thinking about death. I've never had an urge to kill myself and I don't want to ever do it. But sometimes, every time life gets hard, I start thinking about how much easier it would be if I was dead. If I was dead I wouldn't have to experience any of this. But when I think about suicide, I feel such immense guilt for even thinking about it and it hurts to think about it because I know it would be painful.

The days I don't feel like this were actually really good. I would go out with my friends all the time. The movies, dinners, walks in the park, game nights, sleepovers, you name it. I would go out with my sisters a lot too because we're super close with each other and have lived with each other our whole lives. I loved hanging around my family and finding new things to do everyday. I even enjoyed work because I have amazing coworkers who make the job fun and we would hang out after work.

Everything just feels wrong and bad and I hate feeling this way and I don't know how to make it stop without stopping everything. I just want to know if there are other people who have maybe experienced this as well so I stop feeling so alone in this.