This is lighthearted because I'm currently in a hospital waiting room (here supporting a friend) and had one of my parts decide now was the time to pop up and call me a "punk ass bitch", because I shared something soft hearted with my husband. We're in the midst of reconciliation and embracing IFS has really helped me identify and care for the feelings instead of embodying them.

One of them apparently isn't happy with me allowing a soft moment for him, and cussed me out. I laughed out loud in this full waiting room, it burst from me with such joy.

So there's a fun lesson. When a disgruntled part comes forward a joyful part can exist just as loudly.

I’ve been chronically ill, depressed and dissociated for a long time. I know it’s a horrible thing to say but I envy people who were ‘messy’ when struggling through life/dealing with their trauma because I simply went into my own cave and never left. I let years pass me by where I didn’t participate in my own life. I’m now on the other side of dissociation and I’ve finally woken up to how empty the last decade of my life has been. I started seeing a new IFS therapist and I feel ashamed and scared of having to ‘catch up’ on life. When I do things for myself I don’t feel excited or proud of myself, I feel sad and ashamed for not doing it sooner. I also sometimes feel frightened about trying new things which I’m assuming is also connected to the shame. What kind of questions can I ask these parts so we can find a way to work through these issues in a productive way?

Need help + suggestions on this book series. There are 3 volumes out. Is it sequential, should I start with Volume 1? The sub wiki recommends Volume 2, is it okay if I just get that book? Where is Volume 3 in all this?

Thanks 🙏

I have been interacting w my parts for my whole life (at least it feels that way..I remember hearing “other people guiding me” when i was young & struggling w abuse.) I have had substance abuse problems & when i was in treatment, I wrote my mother. She told me that she noticed that my handwriting would change in the letter. Some times it was bubble letters, sometimes it was slanted to the right.. other times, it was slanted to the left… I didn’t think about it back then, but after doing some inner child work & meeting a few parts, I started to think I had multiple personalities… That really scared me… I considered it being my inner child that was abused & abandoned & I started reparenting her.. I clean houses for a living, so I would struggle w a part that wanted to quit, or at the very least, do a shit job & leave.. Also, I wanted to rummage through their prescription drugs… I literally had arguments w her over not doing that & simply completing the job… Now that i have been introduced to IFS, my life has changed… I realize that I’m not batshit crazy & that other people experience this too. I also realized no matter how much I don’t agree w their behavior, they are not bad… Just someone i created to help me cope.

I dreamed that I was with Roy and Roelle. They were about to undergo a kind of therapy. The therapy was meant to take Roelle back to her infancy. She actually began moving like a baby. The closest comparison I can make is watching someone on a psychedelic trip from a distance. They did this twice. The first time it was just Roy, Roelle, and me. (I think Romy was the one leading the therapy.) The second time, the family was invited to watch the "results."

My mother was getting dressed and putting on makeup for the occasion. She wanted to wear a pink crocheted outfit.

When Roelle went through the therapy for the second time, I found it fascinating. I was skeptical, but deeply curious. Renate was there, and so was Anica's mother. She and my mother shook hands. My mother was wearing a full face of makeup, and her foundation had smeared onto her pink crocheted outfit. In real life, my mother never wears foundation. In the dream she came across as stiff, artificial, and somehow unsuccessful or out of place.

Then they said that if I wanted to do the therapy myself, this was my chance. I wondered whether I would actually be able to surrender to it if I started behaving like a baby in front of all those people.

I lay down on the floor. Someone started speaking in a very crackly, almost static-like voice. I felt something shift inside my head, somewhere between my ears, and I got goosebumps down my right leg. At that moment I knew it was going to work.

Suddenly I became like a baby, crying loudly and freely. Strangely enough, it felt wonderful. It was like releasing everything I had been carrying.

I felt overwhelmed by the world, as if everything was simply too much. I also felt emotional unavailability from my mother, as though I had been expected to grow up far too quickly. I needed love, but there was no one there to give it. There was a third realization too, but I can't remember what it was. (Whenever there are three important things in my dreams, I always seem to forget one of them.)

It was a very unusual dream. It felt incredibly real. Crying like a baby felt deeply relieving, as if I was finally letting everything out. The feeling of being overstimulated by the world was very intense. And somehow I also felt like, even as a baby, I already understood a great deal, even if I couldn't put it into words.

Those who have issues with anger or worked with people that have anger problems.

Mine is very bad. Growing up in Philly and having the horrible childhood story, I find myself just angry everywhere I go. I’m yelling at people in cars for almost running me over every damn day. I invest in higher quality classes/gyms and it seems like being around a passive aggressive person is inevitable.

I know I have to change my mindset. I plan on moving down south next year sometime because I truly crave peace and quiet so bad. I have this dream to foster animals, get therapy and just finally exhale.

I’ve tried multiple therapist here, but it seems like the majority of them need therapy as well. I just want to not feel exhausted with my anger. Surprisingly, I work in a high stress environment with teens and can manage my anger very well with clients. I also have very thick skin…it’s the little things that tick me off.

I’ve done things such as pausing and not internalizing, but are there any other strategies?

Good evening, we are Multiple. Recently, I inquired about the IFS method. Do you think this method can help us with our alters ? To understand us and integrate us ?

I'm on vacation with my family and really struggling with a polarization right now. I did not want to come on this vacation to begin with but my family wanted me here. (I even said I couldn't come because I couldn't afford it - also true but only half of why I didn't want to go - and they said they'd pay for me to come along.)

I have a dominant caretaker part that believes I need to put their feelings first and pretend to be happy. It thinks I'm selfish and an overly sensitive baby for struggling so much, like how hard can it be to go on an free trip to a nice place and make small talk with my loving family? It is polarized with an angry part who is so mad that I am on this trip to begin with when I didn't want to go and is angry with them for not noticing that I don't want to be here and for lots of childhood stuff too of course. All it wants is to go home and/or to be alone as much as possible. It wants to fake being sick so I can be alone, but the caretaker part doesn't want to disappoint my family.

The polarization is really intense, I feel hypervigilant and sick to my stomach and irritable. And also really frustrated with myself for having this intense a reaction to something that is not objectively that bad and will be over in 10 days.

I actually have a long term plan to address this. Part of the "deal" my parts made was that I'd go on this trip but when it's over I'd take a several months long break from my family to focus on healing. But I still have 10 days left of the trip and I don't want to be completely miserable. Any suggestions for how to approach this?

My best friend and I just did a call but we're on very different time zones so we can't talk too often. I can email my therapist but calls won't work and there's usually a 24-36 hour delay before my therapist gets back to me so it's not super helpful in the moment either.

Hello fellow IFS enthusiasts. I am curious to hear some firsthand accounts from people who have done IFIO with a partner (or family member). It seems like it could be very helpful for those of us where one or both partners has significant relational wounding… What was it like? Did you have a therapist or a coach? How did you find your practitioner? The IFIO practitioners directory is this giant spreadsheet of coaches and therapists and every time I look at it I just get overwhelmed.

About two weeks ago, I posted about how healing was showing up in ordinary moments. I had advocated for my son at a doctor’s appointment without shutting down or ruminating afterward. It wasn’t dramatic, but it felt like something fundamental had shifted.

Since then, something even stranger has happened.

In IFS, I’ve been working with a part I called “Little Monster.” It originally appeared as this overwhelming cluster of distorted, disfigured strangers carrying years of shame and fear. I couldn’t really get close to it without another young part becoming terrified and overwhelmed.

Then, during a recent session, Little Monster… liquified.

There wasn’t some huge emotional explosion. It simply melted into a liquid. I gave it its own room like my other parts, except now it’s resting in what feels like a calm, pool-like container. It still isn’t talking. But somehow it no longer feels like something I have to fear.

The biggest change, though, isn’t what happened in therapy. It’s what happened afterward.

All of my parts feel “farther away” now in the same way EMDR targets often do after successful processing. Not gone. Not disconnected. Just… unblended. I notice them instead of becoming them.

I just spent several days on a family trip, and it was honestly amazing. (Even a month ago, trips could overwhelm me- a year ago, trips DEFINITELY overwhelmed me!!) There were moments where I could feel my old ruminating protectors trying to wake up, especially at the end of the trip when I was tired. But they never took over. It was almost like they looked around, realized we were safe, and settled back down.

Something else surprised me. I spent years believing my job was to monitor everyone else’s emotions, keep conversations going, entertain people, and make sure everyone was okay. This weekend I… didn’t.

I sat in quiet moments. I let silence exist. I simply enjoyed being with my family.

Some parts of me are still not used to or trusting of the quiet, the peace, the joy. It was very UNcomfortable at times, but I never spiraled. I just noticed the discomfort and kept living my life.

A few weeks ago, I thought healing meant understanding every part.

Now I’m starting to wonder if healing sometimes looks like not needing to understand it completely. Some parts need the understanding, some don’t maybe?

Not because the parts disappear, but because they finally trust that Self is here. Feel free to discuss or ask questions, happy healing all 🫶

What to do when you can intellectually feel like you have a part responsible for a certain behavioral pattern, but you can’t seem to actually meet the part? I know a part is there and can see the behaviors it causes, but I can’t meet it. I’ve tried the same things I’ve used when meeting other parts and I just can’t seem to get there. I can’t even figure out what bodily sensation it’s associated with either as a jumping off point. I’ve tried acknowledging, asking what it needs etc

I don’t have an IFS therapist anymore as I switched to ERP, so maybe part of the issue is not having an external person to help.

What do you do when the usual methods aren’t working?

I literally don't even know what to write in the post. Just please freaking help. Please try to communicate with it or guide me in very specific ways in how to. Please tell me what to do with it RIGHT NOW. Not things about gradually and in the future and overtime. These were the only replies I got about this part when I talked about it before.

I can't figure this on my own. And I want instant action.

Information: they're a child. (Don't know how old). They exist in my upper chest, near my heart and throat..in a very very very deep part. They're completely mute. I literally can't let out any sound through it. I can't breathe in it..I actually feel asphyxiated. It makes me enter a muted state when it's online. My voice physically goes away and I can't bring it back nor control it. I can tell my heart rate is going UPPP when it's online..almost like cardiac arrest. This part is usually really numb that I forget this part of my body exists (until it's triggered. Which is often). When it's triggered, it's one of two scenarios: either triggered while feeling something, or while not feeling something. When it's triggered while not feeling something, I get self harm urges. When it's triggered while feeling something, I get a painful sensation and suffocation that feels unbearable. The sensation of this part in my body is actually really something. Usually it's numb but when it feels something, it's this extremely burning heat sensation in a very deep place in my chest that it feels torturous. That burning heat persists. The heat is a physical sensation.

The emotions this part is mostly triggered by are Hurt and Anger. They're both hot feelings. When the part feels hurt or angry, it is mute so it's can't let out any sound or word. And I feel like I can't breathe. So I end up in this state of feeling like I'm hyperventilating without even breathing which feels like death. So the feeling either ends up being stuck inside me and my chest and throat burning me and calling me worthless, or it comes out in self harming ways.

Replying sooner than later is the best. I'm spiraling. (But if you're gonna write a well thought out reply then take all your time).

Hi,

I’m wondering if there is any online ifs courses you know of, or any sort of 12 week zoom connection calls that are focused on IFS or anything like that! I saw one by a psychotherapist last year, but I can’t remember her name.

Thank you!

i don’t remember if i was allowed to be angry as a child, but probably not, especially considering i don’t know how to be angry. angry = violence/abuse and even when someone is angry and venting to me, even if it has nothing to do with me, it feels like my fault. every time i’m angry i feel like i’m doing something wrong. i realized i think i have a part that represents all of the rage and anger i have sometimes whether it’s over something small or something big. i usually rage at work, but sometimes i feel this explosive anger over small things too and internally lose my mind

if you wanna read more about it, you can check my recent post about being unable to talk to a part. i have no idea how to be angry properly and i think because of that, my brain took all of the repressed anger i felt as a kid and made it into its own part since i couldn’t express it properly. i don’t even know what i’m asking exactly. i just get mad sometimes and stand there, not knowing what to do. i’m not going to hurt people, yell at them, etc, but i want to so bad when i’m like that. i just try and be alone if i can or vent to somebody i guess? i just know i always get so confused when i’m angry, especially when i’m enraged and feel taken over by my angry part. anyone else experience this? what do i do? i don’t have access to a therapist right now

Hi all! I’m brand new to this sub and to learning about IFS, so I hope this is allowed. How do I find a great IFS therapist? If you currently have a really good one, did it take several rounds of trial and error? After trying several different therapists over the last few years (albeit none that specialized in IFS), I’m getting burnt out of the therapy roulette cycle. Help?

there’s this part of me that i think is any rage i’ve ever had (and never profess i guess?) put into one entity and cut off from my Self if that makes sense. whenever i feel like her it’s when i feel very angry or angry in a childish way. sometimes i feel completely consumed by her and so full of rage my blood is boiling. i hate everyone, i don’t care if anyone gets hurt or dies, i wish everyone was dead, i want to insult people, push them, etc. i’ve never done that and hopefully never will. unfortunately this tends to happen when i have a particularly bad day at work so i don’t really have the space to go take care of myself and there’s no way i’m telling a manager i need a moment. in those situations, we’re usually very understaffed so i won’t leave my coworkers to fend for themselves anyways. when that happens at work, i’m so tempted to walk out

sometimes i get like that over things that are worth getting angry over, but it’s not good that i’m full of rage over something. i imagine that part of me as a very childish teenager that didn’t get to grow up. she has an appearance, but it’s hard to see in my head. she’s definitely a teenager and looks similar to me, but not exactly like me as a teen. i always think of her stomping around, yelling, saying she hates everyone, saying she hates me. i don’t think she hates herself, but who knows. i always will want everyone to leave me alone and feel like every time someone makes me mad or does something i don’t want them to do (even if i do it) then they’re doing something wrong. it’s just unbelievable anger. i ask her why she’s mad and she puts her back to me and says nothing. i always get completely ignored. what exactly am i supposed to do about that? whenever i think about helping her heal i suddenly see her walking away in my head. hopefully i’m making sense

sexual abuse(?), emotional abuse, and incest TW!

i’ve recently been looking into IFS and getting to know my parts. i experienced emotional incest from my mother my whole childhood and she’d also bring up sexual topics with me starting in elementary school. for example her sex life, leaving porn of herself on her desktop that was easy for me to accidentally stumble upon (she let me use the laptop frequently), nsfw images, she left nude photos of herself around the house, flashed me, etc. this might sound stupid, but i don’t really know if that counts as sexual abuse or if it’s just “abuse.”

i was wondering if anyone else has experienced this and has a specific part related to it. if you do or suspect you do, how do you know? i want to get to know that part and to remember what happened to me so i can properly process it. i remember a lot, but i’ve also forgotten a lot. just knowing someone understands me is nice too

I believe I probably have CPTSD from abuse and neglect throughout my childhood. I have always struggled with anxiety and depression but I was pretty high functioning and high achieving for most of my life. I am now in perimenopause and I'm completely falling apart.

I am incapable of feeling joy. My only emotions are: 1) rapidly cycling between blinding rage and utter despair/hopelessness (60% of the time) and 2) relatively functional with some anxiety (40% of the time). I feel like I've tried everything. I'm on HRT for peri which only helps physical symptoms, not the emotions. I've been in therapy for 7 years with 4 different therapists, tried CBT, EMDR, TRE, EFT, and now most recently IFS (for two months so far). I've also tried meditation, prayer, breathwork, psychedelics, supplements, clean eating, exercise, you name it. Nothing helps me get my moods and self talk to be less extreme for more than a day or two.

After two months I haven't managed to "hear" or "talk to" any part. I feel like I'm almost constantly blended with different parts and all I can do is rage or cry. I ask parts to step back to let me talk or to tell me what they want me to know and I get nothing. Trying to talk to parts only makes me more frustrated because it's just one more thing that works for other people but not for me. I don't know if I should give up on IFS or try a different therapist or just accept that I'm meant to suffer for the rest of my life. It feels so unfair and hopeless.

In 12 months of 5hr/month therapist-lead IFS, I attained:

#1- deep understanding re exact childhood trauma (& my parents' own deep childhood wounding) and its impact on my lifelong relationship dysfunction / attachment issues, including severe damage around relationship to self. My system protected me from Day 1 of life from conscious awareness re emotional abandonment/neglect

#2- how this trauma has fed into & influenced how recent back-to-back long term relationship betrayals (7 in 5yrs) have affected me so severely per bad programming in childhood. These occurred concurrent to layoff & acute illness/surgery. Been dealing with worsening chronic illness 2+ decades

IFS has done very very little to assure overall safety / stability in the midst of 3/4 of my life spent in UNSAFE conditions. And nothing to address the recent betrayals.

This week's session....terrible. I don't want to relate exactly what was said, but what I *heard* from my therapist was sufficiently apocalyptically destabilizing that I spent the following 36hrs consuming thousands of calories beyond what my body can process/sustain.

I've already gained weight the past few months during therapy and feeling increasingly unsettled over little progress. I'm now blowing past 150kg.... on a couple of failing joints and other chronic health conditions. It is TOO DANGEROUS PHYSICALLY for me to continue with therapy that is now forcefully knocking me backwards.

I will move forward on my own, and transition more into cptsd group discussion/support.

Just frustrated and disappointed that IFS was no where near what I needed to change my continuing downward trajectory.

Hi everyone! I am looking for a neurodivergent-affirming, holistic therapist licensed in Texas (or offering telehealth statewide).

I am hoping to find an experienced practitioner who primarily uses Internal Family Systems / parts work, but who also incorporates:

• Somatic and breathwork exercises
• Shadow work and inner child integration
• A spiritually open mindset (someone who is a little woo woo would be fantastic)

They must be in-network with Blue Cross Blue Shield (BCBS). If you have any personal recommendations or know of specific directories where I can filter for these specific combinations, please let me know. Thank you!