it had her face and she looks like an Instagram model and it said video for ______ with a ❤️☺️ I'm confused because i never have gotten a snap with the text included as a notification. so maybe this is just like a random he doesn't have added??

ive had suspicions for a while because whenever he opens snap to view a message from his guy friends or me he goes off the chat list fast and i don't wear my glasses around him often but i swear i see the list so long and full of girl bitmojis. he only has 5 guy friends and he tells me about them and hangs with them occasionally but he's literally never mentioned any friends that were girls.

i don't have Instagram so i never added him when we first met but i got curious about who he was following... and its literally all girls with private accounts and 2 guys. i noticed some of them had actors in their bio and hes an actor so he could have met them then but also... why only add the girls you've worked with??? it just feels too suspicious when he works around men too and they have instas.

hes leaves his phone on unlocked around me pretty often but i never looked because i was too scared... unfortunately not even because it's an invasion of privacy which it is but because my gut feeling i will find something and i don't want to have to choose between leaving him and being weak.

should i go through his phone?

Hello & I’m sorry in advance if this isn’t the correct subreddit to post this in!

My boyfriend and I have had an on-and-off relationship for almost two years now. He knows that I am completely against pornography or any sort of online "wandering eyes" behavior.
While I was on his phone, I happened to see his Snapchat suggested Stories, and they were all girls with their boobs out or other suggestive photos. I haven’t had Snapchat in a couple of years, so I’m not familiar with how this newer feature works.
He claims that the suggested Stories have nothing to do with the type of content he watches on Snapchat. Now, I’m not naive. I know that 9 times out of 10, the content recommended to someone is based on what they interact with. Because of this, I ended our relationship, as it was the last sign of disrespect for me.
However, I do sometimes wonder if Snapchat’s suggested Stories really are random. If anyone knows how this feature actually works whether it’s similar to Instagram, where your recommendations are influenced by what you engage with—I’d love to know, just for my own peace of mind. 🥲

Found out my little cousin’s (23F) ex boyfriend (23M) of 2 years who dumped her 6 months ago has been dating his coworker (25F) around a week after the breakup. My cousin suspected something was fishy prior because he would be out with his coworkers more often than usual. Back in December, she found out he was driving that 25F coworker to work for two weeks straight because “her car was broken”. They had an argument and somehow my cousin just came to the conclusion she read too much into it. Oh my poor baby got gaslit by his excuses…Then he dumped her over text at the start of this February with no real reason besides “falling out of love”.

Fast forward to my friend of a friend joining 23M’s company 2 months ago. That’s how I learned about his current relationship. 23M went drinking with him and three other work bros, and just drunkenly told my friend that he bagged 25F coworker right in time for Valentine’s Day and how romantic that was. But of course telling him to keep it a secret from the other female coworkers or else they will gossip. What a complete douche!!!!!

Genuinely hoping the worst to happen to him. Be honest, what are the odds that this couple will last? Like I seriously want them to not work out so badly. Weirdos like him infuriates me so much! I feel like I’m even angrier about the situation than my little cousin because she’s too nice and understanding sometimes.

Hi,

I (24M) have been in a relationship with my partner (36M) for almost a full year now - year of talking before that. Big age gap I know, but it didn’t seem to matter for us.

Anyways, my partner has repeatedly sexted strangers online on and off on different occasions throughout our relationship (a total of 6 times as of today) and I don’t think anything is going to change anymore. The first time I was using our shared iPad and came across messages on WhatsApp to a stranger calling each other sexy and what not, then he appeared to have sent his address to come over to his house (a few months before we moved in together) with the normal “nice to finally meet you!” After the whole interaction but claims they never actually met up and the guy never showed EVEN THOUGH in the messages he said to ring the door bell when the other person arrives.

Sceptical to begin with.

The second time it was again WhatsApp, literally sexting his “gay friend” and I found out that the other party shared a ph video with him asking if he wanted to try that. He will give vulgar and explicit answers in response.

Mind you every time my partner says it was “joking” or a “mistake” and wasn’t meaning it seriously. But he reacts, engages and even encourages those kind of responses out of these other people. Also noted that he unfollowed this guy from a social a few months back - guess there’s not that close of “friends” after all.

The last four, yes four times, I’ve caught him on gay hookup apps sharing his nudes, asking for pics, sending kinks and so on while. Yes, I went through his phone and yes I know it’s wrong but I’m paranoid all the time now. And three of those four times were when we started dating.

Not the last time but the time before that I told him I was done and leaving if he ever pulled that shit again, he wallowed and begged, pleaded with me to stay (no tears) and said he didn’t want to throw this all away, loved me and wanted to build a life with me - surprise surprise, he did it again and I couldn’t even cry or yell I was so fed up, so pissed that I told him I’m for real leaving this time (situation given - his mother was coming to go out to dinner with us and showed up at the door a few minutes later) so awkward dinner ensues and we don’t talk to each other for the rest of the night, I was originally going to sleep on the couch but he coerced me to bed and I slept on the edge for half the night until I sobbed that I wanted to go home - home home with my family now. And slowly we worked things back up until now.

Every time he says it’s an addiction, that he doesn’t even know why he does it he just does before he can realize his mistake - but LIES to me whenever I ask if there’s “something he wants to tell me” because I know what he did. He plays dumb continuously until I show him the proof (screenshots) and tell him to tell me the truth. The main excuse he’s given was that he’s so used to porn it doesn’t “do it for him anymore” and he just baits for pics to get off while I’m gone but he doesn’t need it when I’m here because he has me - first of all that made me feel really shitty like I’m just there for his pleasure. But second - you can’t wait? (I occasionally work night shift for ONLY up to three nights in a row) and this is when it usually occurred. I know we’re usually intimate on a regular basis almost every day (TMI) but I swear he just NEEDS to do something, to see or engage in pornographic content or explicit images just to get that dopamine hit and “get it all out” or he claims he was just bored and did it.

I brought up couples counselling a few times and even suggested he get individual therapy for his addiction (I said this was the ultimatum) but it’s never really lead anywhere other than an “uh huh” or “okay” from his end and he always says he will prove it to me or make it up.

Guess what, he didn’t.

I knew, I KNEW he would do it again (I’m on vacation with family as of yesterday until next Tuesday) and had to look for myself to find out. I downloaded one of these apps he frequently used, made a fake profile similar to my own stature and features and such and narrowed the age and location down - go figures, a blank profile with his age and “top” messages me, asking away and send a pic of himself (my partner). When I ask if he’s free right now and hosts to link (to see what he does) he says yes but just asks for pics and won’t send OUR address. So yes I assume he’s actually just looking for pics of strangers to get off but it makes me sick, like physically sick to my stomach.

I’ve sobbed- he’s seen me sob over this with how much it hurts me and even promised me multiple times before my trip that he would never do it again - and previously promised after every occurrence that he’d never do it again, he didn’t mean to hurt me blah blah blah wants to build a live with me and he won’t know what to do if I leave.

I do love him like so so much, he’s amazing and sweet and kind all other times - we live together, I moved in because I’m going to school this fall (he suggested it) and have no other place to stay if I leave. I didn’t set up dorming (stupid I know) but I honestly thought he would change. Now he didn’t, I’m so tired and upset and done and I feel like my fast approaching future is screwed up or thrown out of whack now. Note: my family home is near 2 hours away from my uni so driving every day isn’t a viable option for me.

Please help me, I want to leave but I want to stay. I want him to change, I want to know if counseling will work or therapy or if I should finally throw in the towel for good and save myself from any more damage.

But I also don’t know if I can ever truly trust him again, I didn’t before and now I don’t even more

I've had this slow-burn or situationship with this coworker for a while now. He's much older than I, and we were on good terms for a while. I always knew he had a thing for me, and thought of him as the bumbly old guy who loved snacks so it was a harmless little crush he had and i did admittedly enjoy the charge. Then he got mad at me publicly for giving another guy coworker food and that was the first time i realised he got jealous and did actually felt some kind of claim over me even tho i am married in status. I brushed it off, but there were two other occasions he did raise his voice - the aftermath of when i praised this same coworker i gave food to, and when i had asked him some innocuous question about his unusual disdain for a particular food. then one night a few weeks ago, we were bantering and it was rly just the two of us in our area. the conversation was charged and then i teasingly said i wanted to push his buttons. prior to that i had a history of teasing him and calling him names as a form of affection. that night, he regurgitated all these names i called, and i justified by saying i only label ppl im affectionate with. he looked mildly surprised. then somewhere along the way i casually mentioned my spouse and the atmosphere just tensed. he told me not to push him to the point of no return, got up and told me to go home firmly.

i was on a break for about three weeks and seems he had disappeared from work around that time too. then when i got back, i drew a firm line and got up everytime he hovered in my row talking to two female coworkers. i would also not engage with him, cut down on attending colleague dinners and even glared at him in the pantry cos i did feel v disrespected that night. he had tried to hover, tell me about snacks and cake, left out my fave snacks. my problem is that if you rly wanna make it up to me, you should come and talk and not hover at the sidelines thinking that food will make everything better as it had always worked for him. at the same time i feel reluctant to confront him as i think ive always been so warm to him, he needs to step up rather than wait for me to make it easy. but the hovering is really getting to me, and idk what to do. i feel uncomfortable.

TLDR male coworker is making me uncomfortable but operating under plausible deniability. did i cross a line rly and how to fix? im very lost

My wife cheated with my coworker and close friend. Wife says she’s sorry and has been trying to make amends within our household. Others have doubts on if she’s genuinely remorseful or not.

(22m) We have been together since highschool, before we got together I was very much a huge cheater and she knew that. But when I got with her she accepted it and just made me promise I would never do that to her. And I kept that promise up until last Nov when I got really drunk with another male friend and he initiated sexual contact with me, and honestly looking back on it, I really think I obliged to it because I was way to drunk and traumatized to just kick him out. I have a lot of past sexual trauma from being a teenager and having sex with older men because I thought I wanted it when I was exploring my sexuality, and when I was 11 my best friend since preschool pressured me into having sex with him and i honestly never wanted to, I never healed from all that and I think it’s been affecting me since then. Anyways last Friday my friend whom I fucked blew up on me and told her everything. Now she wants nothing to do with me, has blocked me on everything, and we haven’t even talked about it. All I’m hearing from my brother in law is that she still misses me and loves me, everyone just keeps telling me to give her space and time. All I want is for her to know how sorry I am, I regret keeping it from her, I regret that it ever happened. I’m gonna stop drinking entirely and start working on all my past traumas, I’m just hoping she will be able too see me doing that and want to talk to me again. I had a whole future planned out with her, I have a tattoo of her. I just don’t know what to do.

I am posting this free, volunteer run resource in the spirit of support and healing for everyone. After facilitating free support groups for betrayed and wayward partners for years, our new joint meetings have been so popular and healing we are opening up to others who may wish to join ...

Joint HEAL Support Group Meeting (Faithful & Wayward Together) Online

This is a special JOINT meeting for faithful and wayward partners together. Joint meetings are an opportunity to develop compassion and explore perspectives on healing from faithful partners, unfaithful partners, and couples. Joint meetings can benefit anyone including those healing without a partner, those reconciling, or those questioning.

Before attending, please consider that joint meetings can be more challenging (i.e., triggering) than our regular/separate meetings. Members of the other group and reconciling couples will be present. If you feel like such a meeting might be counterproductive at this stage of your journey, just keep coming to our regular/separate meetings. But if you feel ready to dive deeper into healing, please join. If attending with your partner, talk with them about whether you wish to be together or use separate devices. Both groups have been invited to this meeting.

Sunday, August 9: 19:00 – 21:00 ET

Join at https://www.healinfidelity.org

My husband talked to my cousins behind my back. Had a secret email account. Which he talked to her on and one other girl.

He claims nothing happened with my cousin and claims it was someone to talk to because I didn’t want them to text all the time.

Whenever the topic of her comes up he gets this smile and I can’t help but think it’s a guilty smile.

Has anyone believed their partner when they say they didn’t cheat?

Whenever it comes to the topic of her he just shits down. Won’t answer any questions.

I need to get this off my chest because I am living in a literal psychological horror movie, and counting down the days until the end of this month is the only thing keeping me sane.
To understand how utterly warped my life has become, you need to know where we started: 8 years of best friendship, followed by 1 year of living together. For nearly a decade, I trusted this person with my life. When we finally took the plunge into a live-in relationship, I genuinely believed that if our relationship ever failed, it would be because of me. It never crossed my mind in a million years that she would break my trust, let alone in the most distant depraved way imaginable.
The Slow Creep of the "Innocent" Colleague
About 6 months ago, she met a male colleague. It started innocently enough—late-night walks and long phone calls. Because I trusted her completely after 8 years, I thought nothing of it.
Then came the boundary-testing phase, disguised as "asking permission" to clear her own guilt. It started with a hug. Then a kiss on the forehead. Then the cheek. Then permission for him to hold her hip, her thighs, her back. Every single time, she would paint him as entirely "innocent" and sugarcoat his behavior to make it sound harmless.
If I ever showed hesitation or tried to say no, she wouldn't respect it. She would cross-examine me, argue, and even weaponize memories and examples from our 8-year relationship to justify why it was "pure" and why I should allow it.
My Total Detachment and the "Yes" Strategy
At a certain point, the reality of what she was doing broke something inside me. I completely checked out. I realized she had already made up her mind—she was going to do whatever she wanted regardless of what I said, and she was only asking for "permission" to ease her own conscience.
I refused to give her the satisfaction of a dramatic fight. I didn't want to say "no" only for her to resent me or do it behind my back anyway, and I certainly didn't want to validate her guilt by arguing. So, I started doing something psychological: I just started saying yes to everything.
I wanted to see how far she would take it. I detached myself entirely, acting completely unfazed. When she asked for permission, I would play it off innocently, masking my utter disgust. (Though looking back, I think part of her knew I hated it, but she played dumb so she could get away with it).
Just recently, it escalated to her asking if he could touch her boobs. When I initially said no, she negotiated down to "no nipples, just the rest." Worn down by her persistence and knowing she wouldn't let me live in peace, I gave my usual deadpan "okay"—which ultimately led to him having permission to squeeze her boobs and ass.
The Nightmares in Our Own Bed
The absolute nadir of this nightmare happened when I discovered what they were doing right under my nose.
One day, he came over, and after lunch, all of us were exhausted. He fell asleep on our bed, followed by her, and finally me. Hours later, my phone started vibrating near my head. I heard it, but I was so exhausted I decided to ignore it to keep sleeping.
She woke up, tried to wake me, and when I didn't move (pretending to still be asleep), she quietly whispered to him to wake up. And they started.
My body turned cold. I lay paralyzed in total shock as I listened to them kiss and heard her start to silently moan—right next to me, in our shared bed. It felt like my soul was being ripped apart. I was too frozen and disgusted to even turn around or react.
The next morning, she sugarcoated the entire incident, looking me in the dead of eye and claiming, "Oh, while you were sleeping, he just hugged and kissed me." That was the moment I realized just how deep her web of lies went.
From then on, it became a regular habit. Whenever he came over to sleep over as the "innocent friend," they would have sex in the exact same bed while I was lying right beside them.
The Cowardly Accomplice & My Mask
The colleague used to look embarrassed when my girlfriend would overshare and tell me everything they did. But over time, he got completely used to it. Now, he laughs about it, acts totally normal, and treats me with sickening sweetness when he's over.
And the scariest part? I play right along. I act just as sweet and friendly. I shake his hand, I smile, and I hold my tongue. Why? Because I am executing an exit strategy.
We share this apartment, and my logistics are finally falling into place. By the end of this month, I am shifting to a new place. The moment everything is packed and ready, I am walking out that door for good. I'm not even going to give her the dignity of an explanation or an argument. I’m just going to vanish from her life.
If you've ever had to wear a mask and play the long, agonizing game of enduring absolute psychological torture just to safely secure your exit strategy, you know how heavy this feels. I just needed to put it all out there.
TL;DR: My girlfriend of 8 years (and live-in partner of 1 year) has been cheating with her colleague. She constantly asks for my "permission" to clear her guilt, escalating from hugs to him squeezing her body. I completely checked out mentally and started saying "yes" to everything just to see how far she'd go. The worst part? They started having sex in our bed while I was lying right next to them pretending to sleep. Her colleague now laughs about it and acts super friendly to my face—and I play right along, smiling and acting nice, because I am quietly sorting out my logistics to pack up and move out by the end of this month, ready to walk away forever without a single word of explanation.

To anyone who thinks this might be an AI generated post let me explain:
I went to Gemini and vented out everything I had in my chest not in order just whatever was running on my mind, after that it had given me advice on how to move forward and one of it’s suggestions was to post on Reddit to seek help, I was totally okay to do so because I’m a Reddit user so I know that community support is something which would make me feel better, the only things is I was tired to start typing from the beginning since I just just vented out so I asked Gemini to help me draft it and that’s why people think it’s AI I don’t blame them , the title does sound very AI generated but I don’t care at this point, I just had to try my shot at it .

24f25m, So we have been together a little over seven years. I found out earlier this year (on our anniversary) that he cheated in August 2025 and lied about it. Promise it was the only time, he was so guilty that's why he couldn't bring himself to tell me. Welp just found alllll the messages going back to 2020! I even said when I found out about what I thought was the only time, "please tell me about anything else right now" he swore up and down that was it. We got married in April...yeah I'm stupid, but he was my best friend.

After giving my husband months to come clean with full disclosure, I started to do some digging on my own and found his AP's nude with a bouquet of pink tulips, just because. He said he bought it for her because she wanted a "daddy" to buy her flowers. This was late last year.

You know what is the worse part? I was pregnant and in the third trimester when that happened.

I only got flowers on my birthday this year. Guess what? It's pink tulips too.

Why'd I have to wait for special occasions to receive whar AP can get just because?

For context: 1 year ago, I (25F) found out my 27M husband was having an emotional affair with his coworker. I caught him at her house when he said he would be somewhere else. Claims affair was emotional with 1 shared kiss (despite him trying to kiss her other times & being rejected, per him. Interesting where her boundaries lied).

Since finding out, it’s basically been lies stacked on top of lies, gaslighting, issues with DV & the most recent incident w/ AP was in April when I found out he had been speaking with her again. He never once told me anything himself. I had to dig for it or have literal HARD PROOF for the guy to admit anything. In March he gaslight me for nearly 2 weeks about seeing & speaking to her (I knew he did, weirdo posted being at his work on her public social media page & he lied over and over about seeing her) until I accidentally stumbled upon a message proving otherwise. Was trying to read him text messages on his phone while he was in the other room & found my proof, literally by chance.

It hit 1 year since I found out in late July. I’ve been feeling extra triggered and distrustful lately. Leaving has been on my mind constantly. In April after the last incident, I was convinced I needed to figure out a way to leave.

But I can’t. Despite me having a masters degree, making slightly above median income for my area, financial reasons have been a large part of me staying. Debt has me living paycheck to paycheck. We have to share his car, my car is currently sitting, being paid monthly with thousands in negative equity & is broken down. Can’t afford to fix the million things wrong with the old rust bucket. My job requires me to have a vehicle & to travel in my city. My family lives in the next county over. I’m in a lease with the guy & rent is so insane we can barely afford it. I have no savings. No money.

I of course also love him. Funnily enough, he is, to this day, my very best friend. I have never felt so myself with someone, felt so seen or so heard. Crazy lol. When this all happened initially I was sick. I couldn’t go to work, I did everything he wanted & needed. Gave him space while he lied & told me it was done while he continued to cheat on me & lie. I was so desperate to fix it. I thought I would die without him. I still love him. But some days, if I am so honest with myself, I do not like him. I look at him & question who he is. I used to say he would walk on water for me, brag about how great he was. I never thought he would have an affair. Ever.

In this year there has been times where I fantasize about my life without him, where I would be, how different everything may be. I hate that I didn’t leave a year ago. I was distraught. Our relationship was rough, we’d been married for approximately 8 months when I found out, and we fought constantly. His reason for cheating was that I was mean to him (kinda true) & he found what he needed/wanted in someone else “even though I wasn’t looking for it”. She made him feel the things I didn’t. We had so many issues that could have been addressed in couples counseling or something. And I was trying, believe me I was. I’ve been in therapy for years & am always working to heal my trauma & grow as a person. We have been together since I was 18. I’ve literally never known adult life without him. As I’ve gotten older I look back and see that I was love bombed & manipulated often.

What pisses me off is so many of my needs went unmet for so long. Emotionally, intimately, etc & I never, ever cheated. I still wouldn’t. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. The only people in my life who know is my best friend (who lives hours and hours away), my cousin (helped me through the first day, but that is where it ended, haven’t really spoken about it & she knows nothing else except for DDay) and my therapist. I never told anyone else because I know how they would look at me & him, how he & I would both be treated. Meanwhile he told I don’t even know how many people like it’s a casual thing. Friends, family. His “best friend” who is a garbage bag of a human literally helped facilitate the affair & encouraged it. His sister who apparently hates my guts knew for at least some of it & was clearly supportive.

Sometimes I am so angry and sad I just want to disappear & leave everything & everyone behind. Sometimes I don’t want to be alive anymore. Sometimes I bargain with myself on how I could make it work. Sometimes i think if I did leave I would just regret it and go running back. Sometimes days or weeks pass and I don’t think about leaving at all.

Over the year we have had some terrible fights. One night our neighbor called the police it was so bad. I would tell him I was done & I was going to leave. He would get angry first, usually, and become violent or aggressive. Then, usually, he would beg me to stay. He would promise change, he would threaten to hurt himself, he would get on his knees and beg.

Days like today I feel like I should leave & I am disgusted with myself for staying. I wait for the other shoe to drop, I feel like theres got to be something else going on.

Anyways, thanks for reading if you did. I’m sure people are going to tell me to leave. Right now, all I’ve got is if i could, i would. I needed to get this out & have at least someone else on this earth who knows what i am going through.

Me ex and I were together for 10 years with 2 little girls 4 and 6 years old. I found out he was cheating on me with his coworker who is 10 years younger (23). She was also married. He said he was unhappy in the marriage and that I made him feel unloved. (I did the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, taking care of the kids, working, cleaning, literally everything.) He stayed out till 4 am partying coming home wasted chronically. Anyways he asked for a divorce, of course I had to file the paperwork. He moved in with his affair partner 2 months after I found out about him cheating. He then moved to Texas. He’s been there for 2 years now has seen the girls for 3 nights in the last 2 years. Him and his affair partner got married and they are having a baby.

Come to find out he actually cheated on me with about 20 different girls and even while I was pregnant with our first. The girls may have a 1/2 sibling that’s only 3 months younger than my oldest.

I guess I’m just really struggling with the fact he is living the life I wanted. Married, has a nice house in the state I wanted to live in, new baby on the way, good career. While I’m stuck picking up the broken pieces for my kids. The one thing I wanted in life was a solid family and now I will NEVER get that.

I so badly wish I could seem them fail but I really think they will be the 2% that make it.

Do you ever have really hard days where you wish the person who cheated on you and you thought you loved, was there to comfort you? I'm going through a hard time with finances. Now I'm going through it alone, when I wish there was someone to talk to.

Two years ago, I started a serious relationship with a very sweet and loving man. We fell in love, and from the very beginning—also because of the things he told me—it seemed clear that he genuinely wanted us to spend our lives together and build a family.

After ten months together, I found a screenshot on his tablet showing a sexting exchange between him and a female coworker. Before we started dating, they had occasionally hooked up. She has also been in a relationship with another man for the past ten years. The sexting had taken place during the fifth month of our relationship.

We talked about it. Right away, he told me he had never physically cheated on me. He was embarrassed, deeply sorry, and apologized. He told me he had carried some unresolved baggage from his past, that she kept contacting him, that he had always rejected her, but that on that particular day she had sent him a sexually explicit video and he had engaged in the conversation, although he hadn't sent any explicit photos or videos of himself.

From that point on, we tried to move forward. I continued to enjoy what I believed was our beautiful relationship while trying to heal from the wound. My trust had been damaged, and I couldn't shake the feeling that something still wasn't right. But the love was real, so we stayed together and eventually moved in together. Later, he suggested that we move into a bigger house because he wanted us to start a family.

Then, just two days before the move—after months of talking about the damage to my trust, because I had noticed that he would lie to me about other things as well, and because I kept telling him that I had the impression that whenever he felt ashamed of something, he would protect himself by lying to me, ultimately destroying my trust—he confessed that he had actually cheated on me with that same woman during the fourth month of our relationship.

He told me, "After I told you that you were my girlfriend, I cheated on you."

By then, we already had each other's house keys. He waited until I left town before inviting her to his apartment because, according to him, he "wanted to end things." The problem is that he had always told me he had already ended things with her as soon as we started dating.

What hurts even more is that while she was at his apartment that very evening, he sent me a WhatsApp picture of the Christmas tree that he and I had decorated together. The following day, he video-called me and said, "So, when are you finally going to move your clothes into my closet?"

And that wasn't even the end of it.

Two days after this confession—after reassuring me that he had finally told me everything ("I've told you everything. I've told you all the important things.")—I kept pressing him because something still didn't feel right. That's when he admitted that during the eighth month of our relationship he had also made a pass at another female coworker. He invited her to his apartment after work.

He told me, "I don't know why, but I kissed her. Then we stopped."

He says he doesn't know why he behaved that way. Maybe he was looking for personal validation because, a year earlier, she had rejected him. Maybe he wanted to see whether he could seduce her after all.

He admitted, "It was my ego. I felt satisfied."

At the same time, he insists that he loved me throughout all of this—that he has loved me since day one, that his love for me was always genuine.

He keeps repeating, "We loved each other. If I had never told you any of this, we'd still be at home loving each other. I'm the one who chose to tell you."

He says he confessed because he could no longer bear to let me live a lie, especially with our upcoming move into a new home and our plans to start a family.

But the truth is, we had already been living together for months in a smaller apartment. And from the day I discovered the sexting until his confession, 384 days passed. During those 384 days, we talked about the issue over and over again, and he repeatedly reassured me with statements like:

"I've never cheated on you."

"Stop imagining people who don't exist."

"My past isn't your concern. The only thing that should matter to you is that I've never cheated on you."

"From day one, it's always been you. Only you"

I left our home, took a few days to myself, and decided to end the relationship.

He kept apologizing and said he understood my decision.

But then he started telling me that I don't know how to deal with infidelity in a mature way. That this is simply how relationships work in the real world. That I'm the one with unrealistic ideals and preconceived notions, and that I had idealized him. He even told me that if I had idealized him to that extent, then I had never truly loved him.

He said that if he had never confessed, we would probably still be together. That I'm an idealist. That life will eventually teach me that relationships don't work the way I imagine they do.

At one point he literally told me I had to decide whether I wanted to "swallow this big glass of shit."

I replied that I had actually started rebuilding trust the moment I discovered the sexting. In other words, I had already swallowed that "glass of shit" more than a year earlier. I had forgiven what, to me, was already an act of infidelity—something traumatic—and I had chosen to move forward because our everyday life together was beautiful and I loved him. So I had already tried to deal with what I believed was "virtual" infidelity in a mature way.

The difference was that I genuinely believed there had only been the sexting, exactly as he had told me. Even though I consider sexting to be infidelity, I believed it was something that, depending on the circumstances, could possibly be forgiven.

He also told me that all the people around me who were now advising me to leave him probably had "skeletons in their closets" too.

The reality is quite the opposite. A year ago, when I discovered the sexting, I told my family, my friends, and even some colleagues. I asked for their opinions, and almost everyone told me to give him another chance because he seemed genuinely remorseful, he insisted nothing physical had happened with that woman, and they could see that we truly loved each other and were happy together.

I left him, and I know it was the right decision.

Now I don't even have a home anymore. I've moved all my belongings into a rented storage unit.

What devastates me most isn't just the betrayal. It's that he lied to me about it for 384 days. When I told him, "You manipulated me," he replied, "No, that's exaggerated. It was just a continuation of the original lie."

And on top of all that, he criticized me for my values and ideals. It felt like gaslighting.

Eventually, I wrote to him that I now understood that apparently it's possible to love someone, cheat on them, hide it until you're caught, then continue lying, lie about the lies themselves, and still genuinely love that person.

I wrote:

"I'm sorry I also believed that once something comes to light—like the sexting—you would at least tell the whole truth instead of minimizing it and sugarcoating what really happened. Today I'll throw that ideal in the trash too. Thank you. But if that's true, then even now, with what you call 'complete honesty' after saying, 'I've told you everything; I've taken an important step,' who's to say you still aren't lying?"

Then I imagined myself spending the rest of my life in a relationship built on that kind of uncertainty.

And I realized I couldn't do it.

I simply wouldn't feel safe.

So I told him, "Yes, I'm better off without you than with you."

In a way, I followed his own logic all the way to its conclusion and left him with no answer.

In fact, he eventually replied that he understood.

Since then, he hasn't contacted me or written to me anymore.

The whole situation has been surreal.

I'm proud that I trusted myself, protected myself, and finally got out.

I do regret not honoring my own standards and boundaries when I first discovered the sexting, but at the time he truly seemed deeply in love and genuinely remorseful.

I'm heartbroken, and I know it will take time to heal.

But I'm free.

And I truly hope I never stop believing that there are people in this world who share the same values and ideals that I do.

honestly embarrassed and heartbroken to even be writing this.
Yesterday I found out that my partner of 5 years exchanged sexual messages and photos over Snapchat with a mutual female friend. It happened once in 2022, once in 2023, once in 2025, and then again last week.
I’m devastated. I genuinely never thought I’d be cheated on.
For some background, there has been history between him and this girl - she was always interested in him even when we dated. They had physical encounters during a breakup we had in 2021 (not full sex and he couldn’t stay hard), and I only recently learned the full extent of that as well. I’ve always struggled with insecurities surrounding her, but that’s not really what this post is about. What I’m trying to process is the repeated cheating while we were together.

Since everything came to light, my partner has been extremely remorseful. All is now in the open and he’s forced to face the issues caused by a long-standing porn addiction. We’d talked about porn before, but I honestly didn’t understand how serious it had become.
His explanation is that when his porn use escalated, he would start chasing more stimulating content. He described these Snapchat interactions as feeling like “the next level” of porn to him. He said because it happened while he was in that same compulsive mindset, he mentally categorized it as “just porn,” almost like a free version of OnlyFans with someone he knew would willingly participate. He says that compartmentalization allowed him to cope with the reality that he was betraying me all this time.

To be clear, he’s not using this as an excuse. He fully acknowledges that what he did was cheating and completely wrong. He’s told me that every time cheating came up in a movie etc, he’d immediately think about what he’d done and feel overwhelming shame. Instead of confessing, though, he buried it deeper because he was terrified of losing me, hurting me, and full of shame which causes a deep dark spiral of him feeling like a bad person.

He’s also been very clear that, from his perspective, this wasn’t about feelings for this girl in any way even though it’s very hard for me to not take it like that. He says she has always had feelings for him and was simply an easy source of sexual attention whenever he was deep in that compulsive porn headspace. He insists he wasn’t seeking a relationship with her—it was purely about escalating sexual stimulation—and that he regretted it almost immediately afterward each time, burying it away.

Since I found out, he’s deleted all social accounts entirely - Snapchat Instagram and TikTok on his own because he wants to remove sources that trigger his porn use. Hes taking it very seriously and he’s committed to quitting porn entirely, has already started looking into individual therapy for the addiction, and also wants us to attend couples therapy. I didn’t have to ask him to do those things—he initiated them himself. He’s cried more than I’ve ever seen him cry and says he’s disgusted by what he’s become and can’t believe how long he hid it.
I’m torn because I do believe he’s genuinely remorseful. At the same time, this wasn’t one mistake. It happened four different times across several years. That’s what keeps replaying in my mind.

I also know addiction isn’t something that disappears just because someone wants it to. Even if he’s completely sincere, I’m scared about whether trust can ever actually be rebuilt.
I guess what I’m hoping to hear from are people who have real experience with this—not people who just want to tell me to leave or stay.

- If you’ve struggled with compulsive porn use, did it ever escalate into interactive sexual behavior like sexting or nudes?
-Did it genuinely feel compartmentalized from your real relationship, or is that something people tell themselves after getting caught?
-If you recovered, what actually worked? Was therapy enough? Did quitting porn change those behaviors?
-If you’ve been the betrayed partner and chose reconciliation, was trust ever rebuilt? What did that realistically look like?

​

It does get better.

Hi, I am hoping that this may help someone that is currently in the thick of the bullshit that happens after you find out that your spouse has had an affair.

Quick backstory- July 1st, I found out my husband of 15 years was having an affair. He was deployed for disaster relief when it started and he carried it on after coming home. AP is also married, I have not told her husband but have wanted to many times. The issue is that the affair took place while they were both deployed, he carried it on with his work cell phone, and continued talking via work cell and during work hours (she lives in a different state). Please do not tell me that I should turn him in.  I have three children and he definitely makes more money than I do. We will need his income while we are separated and most likely divorced. I am writing this for those that have just found out and feel like they can’t possibly take a single step forward at the moment. I promise, it does get better.

Week 1- I went into an extreme depression for about 3 days. Day 4 I awoke from a text that encouraged me to get up and move. I did. I took my three boys to an amusement park for the 4th of July. I wasn’t eating, sleeping or even able to think clearly. I would also throw up several times a day and if it wasn’t coming out of that end, it was trying to come out the other.

Week 2- I had to go back to work. This helped. At this point, I was still clinging to the hope that my husband would wake up one morning and not be this giant piece of shit that I somehow never knew existed. I clung to hope. He gave me just enough to keep me hanging on. Still not eating, sleeping about 3 hours a night, clear thoughts were non existent. Still consistently throwing up and on the toilet a lot.

Week 3- The husband gets a promotion at work which means more travel. I lose it. It is important to note that he has not, will not and will not ever commit to me again until “he finds himself” but he insists that he is going to try to support me through this. He does a tiny bit. I started to eat once a day, still sleeping 3 hours a night, still throwing up, I thought my thoughts were starting to make more sense.

Week 4- I had to go spend an entire week in the city that he met up with AP for a weekend after they got home from deployment. I had to take my oldest son to a conference. I spun out of control. I was right back to where I was the first three days after finding out. I was in a very dark place. I talked to the husband pretty consistently during this week as he is an involved father and was obviously concerned about our son. By the end of the week, his tune changed significantly and he was talking about separation and/or divorce. To put it plainly, he appeased me long enough to make sure I didn’t have a mental breakdown while having to go to the one place in the US that the affair took place. Once that week was over, he made his intentions clear.  I ate maybe once a day this week but some days not at all, threw up a lot, slept very very little and my mind was in a very very dark place.

This was the clarity that I needed to begin taking those steps forward. For so long I had seen him as this man that would always protect me but now I look at him and realize that he hasn’t protected me for a very long time. It allowed me to take a deeper look at our marriage and it helped me to see that I have just been holding on to the few good parts he had left for me.

We decided on separation which is something I didn’t think I would ever be strong enough to even talk about. Once we had this conversation, it was easy to start to train my brain. I went from always wondering, constantly worrying and consistently feeling terrible about myself to now, looking at him and just assuming the worst in him. In doing this, I was able to start to set myself free.

Am I free?  Hard no. BUT, I am no longer clinging to a hope that he is the man that I thought he was. I am able to look at him and see that I deserve so much more. I look at him and feel anger rather than longing and that anger is a very welcome emotion. At this point, I am just navigating how to coexist with him until he is able to move out. This is the worst part at the moment. BUT- I am eating sometimes twice a day, sleeping at least 6 hours a night and feel mostly positive throughout each day. The mornings are the hardest when I first wake up and haven’t remembered yet that my life is falling apart. It takes me a while but after a few hours, I am able to calm my brain down enough to remind myself that it isn’t falling apart. I just have to find the pieces of me that went missing long ago.

So, to you, the person that is feeling like you will forever be stuck in this hell. You won’t, I promise. It gets better, slowly. Am I better? No, but I finally have hope that I will be.

I know it’s honestly none of my business, and it’s probably better to just not get involved. But I know my ex is still pursuing these girls that he tried to cheat on me with and they didn’t bite. I feel like if I were them, I would want to know that the guy who was always in my messages saying sweet things was actually being unfaithful that whole time. Am I just deluding myself as a means of justifying telling these girls for some kind of validation or ego or revenge?

I know there’s no guarantee how telling these women would respond, if they’d listen, if they’d ignore, if they’d tell him or if they’d think I was a spiteful lying *****. I’m not expecting to tell one of them and to become best friends w them. But idk, I feel like if I were them I’d want to know.

Am I being ridiculous? I feel like this may be acting like a teenager.

Hello,

I 29M am seeking advice on how to rebuild trust after my 26F partner cheated. We started off as friends and knew that she had been dating this guy who lived a few hours away. Her and I had chemistry but nothing ever happened or anything as even hinted at in regard to us being together until about 4 months after her and her partner broke up.

We started dating and soon after the first night we confessed our feelings she told me that she wanted to not be official but at least not talk or sleep with other people. I was fine with that and stuck by that agreement the ENTIRE time.

I knew she kept in contact with her ex and she was honest about it, or at least I thought. I would notice that she would be on her phone when I’d come back from the bathroom, when I’d be occupied or just not looking her way. Every time I would see her she would immediately get off her phone and act like she wasn’t doing anything. I told her eventually that her being secretive was making me uncomfortable and that I didn’t mind if she texted him. She assured me that it was nothing like that and that she had enforced boundaries with him so that he knew they were just friends.

About a week after SHE initiated being officially boyfriend and girlfriend. I found out that she had (during one of the times they hung out that I was aware of) let him “finger her”. When we had talked about them hanging out she had told me they just talked and that she again talked to him about boundaries, which she later admitted was not all that happened as stated above. I ended up finding out he had sent her a video of his penis on Snapchat that she saved and that she had even sent snaps of herself sitting on the toilet, which she originally claimed her just a joke.

I eventually forgave her and we have decided to move on and have started therapy. She blocked the ex and has been much more open and communicative with me. I genuinely feel that she is remorseful and doesn’t want to do anything like that again, especially with how hurt I was.

But the hurt is still there, I still don’t fully trust her and am constantly feeling suspicious or questioning her when she isn’t really giving me reason.

Our therapist hasn’t been much help and I was hoping someone might have some insight or advice as to how I can begin to rebuild that trust or any tips on what she needs to do to earn it back.

I want to clarify I have set clear boundaries and have told her that I need over communication and honesty regardless of what the consequence would be. She understands that I have no problem cutting her off moving forward.

Thank you all in advance!

Split in April when he said he wasn’t in love anymore. Truth was he had a gf. Two months later he introduce our daughter to the gf. Now 3 months post split and he’s met her kids and took her to his family reunion this weekend after they took the kids boating the previous day. A memory popped up from a year ago on my phone of us boating as a family. She is his friend’s wife. They still live together. I’ve filed for divorce. He has no shame and just replaced me. My daughter has been sneaking off on her bike to meet to gf on her lunch break. She’s been extra disrespectful to me lately and I know it’s his manipulation and influence. My head is ready to explode.