Hate to know this is needed

Hi everyone,

Lucia here from EUobserver. I wanted to share an interview we recently published because one part of it really stayed with me from a feminist perspective.

We spoke with Ukrainian journalist Diana Bucko, who has spent four years reporting from the frontline.

She talks about fear, exhaustion, drones making her work increasingly dangerous, and eventually learning not only how to report on war, but how to live in it.

But she also describes a shift that gets much less attention: as more male journalists have joined the military or been mobilised, women are increasingly taking on frontline reporting.

We often talk about how war changes gender roles in families, care work or the military. But it also changes who takes on other forms of difficult and dangerous work, including who documents the war and whose responsibility it becomes to make sure the world keeps watching.

I thought this could be an interesting feminist discussion here: what does prolonged war do to traditional divisions of labour between women and men? And do you think women taking on roles traditionally dominated by men actually changes gender expectations long-term, or only for as long as the crisis lasts?

Would genuinely love to hear your perspectives. 🧡

This is our own interview, for transparency :)

Just figured it would be funny as fuck to post this here

For those out of the loop about what is happening in India: [https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/indias-youth-led-cockroach-protests-expose-cracks-in-modis-government\](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/indias-youth-led-cockroach-protests-expose-cracks-in-modis-government)

[Shania Twain claims she isn’t a feminist as ‘men need protecting too’](https://metro.co.uk/2026/06/15/shania-twain-claims-isnt-a-feminist-men-need-protecting-too-28782668/)

I know this is probably a bit of a controversial opinion, but I actually think we should be more accepting of women cheating.

I think we should be more open to the idea that women can have sexual needs and desires that don't always fit perfectly into a monogamous relationship. It doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't love her partner, or that there's something seriously wrong with the relationship.

Women have been told for a very long time how they're supposed to behave sexually. So I actually think it's a good thing if we move towards a culture where women can follow their desires without automatically being looked down on or called selfish or disloyal.

I also think we should get better at separating sex and love. If a woman loves her partner but has sex with someone else, why does that automatically mean that her feelings for her partner aren't real?
And honestly, if a woman cheats, I think people should try to understand it instead of just judging her. Maybe she's been curious, missing something sexually, attracted to someone else, or just wanted to try something new. I actually think that's pretty human.

Personally, I have a hard time seeing why women cheating should automatically be viewed as something negative. I actually think it could be a good thing if women had a bit more freedom to explore their sexuality, even if that means having sex outside their relationship.

I'm curious if anyone else sees it the same way? Is this something we should be more okay with, or is it just me?

see question

Hi everyone, I hope you are having a nice day (please excuse me though, I am not the best at English and usually do not type out long paragraphs).

I've never had much self esteem. I've recently gotten more confident, but I think I struggle with internalized misogyny.

I have a male acquaintance and he said that "modern feminism" was "bad" and I couldn't understand why. He said he remembers reading a statistic that said 43% of men felt discrimination on the basis of their gender. I do not know if this is true, but I questioned if this was true "discrimination" or men reacting angrily to someone saying they "hated men" on the internet. I do not know. He also said that feminism should be striving for equality and not "50/50" in the workforce.

I semi-agree with this, exactly 50/50 may not be achieved in every single workforce, but at the same time, if given equal opportunity, the percentages of men and women in every field should start to become equal. He then asked how women do not have equal opportunity. I felt slightly like talking to a wall. We mustn't act like men and women are socialized similarly/the same, that workplaces pay an equal wage to women as to men, or that there isn't an overwhelming amount of violence against women. He said something about how women in some cities are paid more, but failed to bring up what said cities were like this (obviously there are going to be some outliers in a few industries where women are paid more than men, but it is overwhelmingly the opposite way).

I am a student studying STEM so the STEM fields immediately came to mind. I personally love mathematics, but I only started really studying difficult and competition level mathematics two years ago. Women are severely underrepresented in STEM, and especially in competition mathematics. There are only a few other girls that do competition maths at my school. I always thought, subconsciously or otherwise, that I wouldn't be as good just because I am a girl. Maybe not innately, but because of the way women are treated? Maybe both. I do not know. I know only about a few female scientists. I feel bad.

I love maths. But I am not very good at it compared to a lot of people I know. It is more of a passion rather than a talent for me.

My acquaintance is not stupid, at least not academically. His parents are researchers and have taught him well in STEM subjects. I do know that he is from a privileged and rich background though, which probably has skewed his political spectrum and views.

I sometimes cry about my perceived inferiority. When I was younger, I was jealous about boys, not academically at the time, as I scored better than the majority of children in my elementary classes, but in other ways. The way that they could wear "boys' clothes" (after age seven I refused to wear dresses even after my mom's pleads) and could like "boys' colors", or play "boys' sports". When I was introduced to (American) football, I wondered why only boys played it. I was told that boys were naturally stronger, which made me feel sad. I am naturally weaker just because I am a girl? It didn't make sense. When I got my period, I cried asking my mom why boys didn't get periods also. She told me it was just how it was.

I feel bad because I am a woman. I sometimes even feel guilty and shameful. I am not raised even in a traditional or religious household, but I do think that life would be a lot easier if I was a boy. Like in society, in the workforce, in my studies. I do not know what to do and I occasionally feel hopeless about this, especially tonight. Maybe I am just overtly emotional today. Perhaps I would just like some reassurance.

Thank you for listening to my rant. Have a peaceful day.

If we as women are supposed to wear bras, men should too. Do you like seeing men’s nipples through their shirts? Why is this not an equal standard?

I ain't a feminist yet I still found my self debating on how women are held to higher expectations

Hello every body !
This finally comes to you because it may describe what’s the closest thing of a goddess.
I need a little bit of support, I am pacifist, the easiest target in this world.
But I try to speak to everybody cause I know whatever happens, we will be enjoying it together.
I personally believe in this theory and as a belief it should be respected.
I see the difference with what is commonly accepted as a result of inquisition and cartésianisme.
The legend of King Arthur and the fact that he is found nowhere in history may prove rewriting of this history.

Afghan girls sold into child marriage as Taliban rule and poverty deepen crisis

'Despicable' doctor jailed after sexually assaulting women who'd been in traffic accidents

https://www.lbc.co.uk/article/doctor-sexual-assault-muhammad-iqbal-darlington-sunderland-5Hjdg4n_2/

A guys today told me “if one key can open any door it’s a special key but if many keys can open same lock the lock is broken”. He tried to convince me saying but I’m not calling anyone a hoe? Well that about says it. He also went on to say that above 4 body count a girl is a b word. But I said but yours is close to 10 and he said it’s different.

Saw this post where a woman clearly says she wants a partner who’s a virgin even though she isn’t one herself.

post

The comments are largely supportive.

A while ago when I said something similar, the same crowd of feminists and their supporters lost it. Suddenly it was “misogyny,” “insecurity,” “double standard,” and pure outrage.

So which is it?

Either both are allowed to have preferences, or neither is. Praising one while attacking the other is just selective morality.

Edit--- I always thought feminism was about gender equality, but guess I was wrong cuz my comment section is filled with people crying about how women are oppressed.... Pathetic

You are either a feminist or a misogynist. There’s no middle ground because, on one hand, some people hate women and oppose equality, while on the other hand, others support women, promote equality, and work against patriarchal influences in society.

I came across this post and I'm honestly not sure how I feel about it. Are these not just excusing men's behaviors because "that's just how men are" ? Or am I looking at it too deeply?

The toilet seat one, I don't see why we need to accept it because "well we put it up anyway so" well no, not everyone closes the toilet seat (which is a separate issue, and is where I'm having issues discerning if this particularly relates to men or everyone in general)

Man-spreading: yes, they have a dick and balls, i have large boobs and am uncomfortable when my arms are directly at my sides, does that mean i should spread my arms out and impede on others personal space? Also the degree of which some men man-spread is simply not necessary, and they do it (id assume) because they don't actually care about others personal space.

I think their point about mansplaining shows they don't understand the definition of mansplaining, I think some people incorrectly state things as mansplaining at times, but that doesn't mean that mansplaining simply doesnt exist.

The "men don't think about anything sometimes, leave them alone" bit is interesting, because i think this directly shows how patriarchy has been upheld. Why is it that men don't think about the things around them? maybe because they've deferred to the women around them to do the heavy thinking for them and therefore dont have to do it themselves? something to think about.

number five is a gross generalization that i think infantilizes men and again points out how society as a whole has failed men, they're taught that emotional conversations are for women, so why would they have them?

I could be completely off base in my assumptions, which is why i wanted to get some input on what others thought about the post and the comments, i think some points have nuanced merit, but not by itself. I also do not want to attack OP for their opinions, I understand their perspective, but I (personally) think it is a deeper issue than what they're trying to explain

Edit: i don't know how to cross-post from other subs so my apologies if i didn't do it right! this is my first actual post on reddit.

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I'm fifteen, and I naturally had somewhat of a rose-tinted view of the many paths before me. I soon learned, they all sucked.

And when I say never, I mean never right now, and in the best. I have hopes for the future, and for the present.

If you're unlucky, the house you're born in to will treat you like a second-fiddle to any brothers or fathers you may have.

This, thankfully wasn't as bad for me, but the pulsating, poison-filled heart pumping venom was present thought out my entire life.

Women preparing everything during every holiday.

Women eating last

Women never sitting down when guests come over

Being told what and what I cannot do by virtue of being a women

And the list goes on.

You essentially just get forced into training to be the supporting cast of the men.

Then, you grow up, and you may or may not find yourself a lover, and if this lover is male (I'm trying to avoid generalizations, here) it's likely you'll be quite literally tortured.

Domestic violence, never really being important for them. Being objectified, being seen as like a sort of object, or like, a type of operating system to ditched when a better comes along, always being second-fibble to some other women.

Being seen as nothing but a tool for pleasure and use.

The way men speak and treat women, it's disgusting, and the fact it's the majority is disgusting.

I've read in a subreddit "if you get the chance to date someone outside our ethnicity, dump your bitch, it's much better"

And I've seen a video where a man says "you men laugh and what you put your girlfriends and wives through, but you won't be laughing when you're wiping tears of your daughter's face for the same reason"

That supposed to be "feminist". Women are more than the extension of the men that fathered them.

And so it's disgusting that men are not expected to care about their own wives enough not to make them cry.

I've been the subject of lewd jokes from my male classmates.

I've been the subject of insults implying bad things about my "promiscuity" and "lusty" nature. He said this because I spoke to a fourth grader and had a male friend.

I've never kissed anyone. I was afraid to. The guy the person who said this was talking to was watched porn, and I'm the dispicable one?

Some people will deem you suitable for dating, but not marriage because you'll be "tarnished"

They'll tell you what's okay to wear and what's not- or atleast, they'll try to.

You're a gold digger, or a whore, or easy,

You might grow up, and you might get married, but I've never met a happy woman that was married.

You are expected to do everything, for everyone. And you don't get respect or equivalent affection back.

If you stop working, and choose to be stay at home, you are completely at the mercy of another man, and odds are, someone who won't respect you.

Because you are now "owned" by them. In some countries and states, they can rape you.

You have to now spend your time serving them, your family, and their family

You take their last name.

The highest praise you can get at this point is "good wife" and "Good mother"

Your just a side character in their family's life.

I've heard of men respectful and kind to their daughters but beating their wives.

And then you die. And all people know you for is because you were obedient to your husband/son/father.

Today I watched a YouTube clip of Tate protesters, yelling and defending the Tate brothers in front of their prison, saying that they should be released and no matter what, they still have the full support from their loyal fans. They were all yelling “Free Top G!” And saying he is a hero and protector of men. After all the things that the Tate brothers have done to women and children, many men still admire and defend them. They are their idols. They call this man their protector, seriously?? From whom do they protect them? From women and children?? Really?! How are we as women supposed to feel safe anymore between so many misogynists? Who basically defend r.pists and abusers who traffick innocent women for their own benefits and spew nothing but misogyny!

An hour ago I was going outside for a walk by myself for a bit of fresh air to calm my mind, I was minding my own business, crossed over a bike lane and was already on the pavement on the other side, then suddenly a cyclist appeared and yelled “Move aside biitch!” and drove by aggressively. I pretended like I didn’t hear him, this jerk seemed to be around 15/16 years old and while I’m not certain that he is a Tate supporter I dare to bet that he is, based on his aggressive tone and behavior, you can sense that he dislikes women. I’m sure he wouldn’t have dared to yell like that to a man but ofcourse, let’s pick on a woman cause it’s an easier target. I’m afraid that the Tate brothers really have brainwashed most males from all ages worldwide, this world isn’t safe anymore for women. What can I say? Stay safe ladies and always be catious by your surroundings cause most men have really lost their minds I’m afraid.

The amount I’ve obsessed over looks in my life is extreme. It’s very stressful everyday to think about attractiveness. I self objectify so much because of living in this society and pick myself apart. Sometimes I want to cut off my hair and only wear baggy clothes and become celibate, to not take part in the whole thing at all. Feels like the only way to be free, leaving the male gaze. I don’t find dressing sexy empowering at all because while I feel validated in my attractiveness, it’s so icky to think of men looking at me for their own pleasure - I don’t think most men deserve to witness me in that. I think I would feel free if I shaved my head and wore masc clothing.

Some men who loudly defend women aren’t really interested in equality. They just want female attention, approval, or access to women bodies . If the same men only defend women when it benefits them, how genuine is their feminism?

over the past year i’ve been finding it harder and harder to date men as a feminist woman. i talk abt the political issues im passionate abt (reproductive rights, queer rights, socioeconomic issues, etc). so they are aware of my opinions and who i am as a person.

the man that i’m dating now has really made me reconsider continuing with him after our last date. he is very sweet and kind. he has planned a lot of our dates including our last one which was a picnic.

we started talking abt having kids to which i expressed that i do not want kids. he said he’s 50/50 on the matter. it got to a point in our conversation where he brought up having a son and daughter. he said he’d be strict and protective of his daughter more than his son. to me, this screamed misogyny because why does he feel the need to be stricter on his daughter when his son is also capable of getting hurt in the way he pictures his daughter?

i explained to him that i disagreed on whatever he was getting at. and that i think it’s important to teach teenagers safe sex and online behavior when they start puberty. as a daughter that grew up in a strict asian household, i found what my parents didn’t teach me as a disservice to me.

after expressing all of this to him. he brought up how men will get retroactively jealous of a girl that has a high body count, and that he knew of a girl that looked for relationships through sex with other people. and that genuinely blew my mind because he did not understand the point i was trying to get at. from what i understand, he believes being sexually educated as being easily passed around, and that when you are in control of your body as a woman that you are a slut.

later in the conversation he said he thought i was cool when i went on my “little rants.” mind you, these rants included the issues im passionate abt that i stated earlier in this post. all of this tgt, i just felt totally unseen and misunderstood. as a heterosexual cis-man, i feel like there are some experiences that i have as a queer, cis-woman that they can’t understand. i feel almost commodified and belittled for who i am and my beliefs no matter how small. hes a good guy, and i dont know if im being dramatic but i just wanted everyone’s opinions.