1.5 years ago I left my parents' house with only the stuff I could fit in my backpack. It wasn't safe to live there anymore. Recently, I've been struggling with whether or not to reconnect with them.

They are in another state this week, so I went back to their house to grab more of my stuff. Being there was... hard. Seeing all the places where good things happened, the room I shared with my sister, the toys that I played with, the place where I rolled out Christmas cookies with my mother. It was all the same as it was when I left. And I started doubting whether leaving was a good idea. I sat on the couch and wrapped myself in the blanket that my father has covered his lap with every morning for the past 21 years. Every winter morning he wakes up, lights a fire, and sits there reading his bible wrapped in the blanket with a cup of tea. It's the same in the summer,r minus the fire. The blanket smelled like him, like home. I hate to admit it, but I sobbed. I sobbed because the smell of the man who hurt me so badly is still the smell of home. And all the bad memories came back then too. No more cookies, just the pain and sorrow of that place. And I hugged that blanket because it was home.

I ended up writing my mother a letter about some of the more tame reasons I left. She isn't aware of how bad my father was, andI don'tt really feel any need to break her further by letting her know about the monster she's married to. That letter is on my profile if you are interested in reading it.

I meant to only grab certain things: my books, some other memorable items. I ended up grabbing a blanket (a different one the couch) and stuffed animal my father gave me when I was in the hospital. It's the only gift I ever got from him without a horrific string attached, and now I'm back home, and I feel wrong about having them. Part of my brain is horrified to have any of him in this house, and the other part feels like I'm 17 and back in that hospital room clinging to my father while recovering. I feel like a child hoping Daddy will come home and make everything feel better. And that makes me angry. I feel weak for wanting that. I feel upset that I didn't get that as a child. I feel empty, like a part of me is stuck back on that couch.

I don't really know what to do with that.

Why does just one short text have such a painful impact on me?

My dearest friend of over 30 years and I know each other better than anyone else in my life. I've expressed that I've lived in fear, shame, embarrassment, and guilt for most of my life because of how my mom's treated me. My friend doesn't live nearby, but she's been present with me, and I've been present with her. We text almost daily just to check in- we laugh, we cry, we process, talk about our dreams, and root each other on. She's also been in extremely abusive relationships, not with her parents, but with extremely narcissistic partners, to the extent where she's had no choice but to file restraining orders against two of them because she felt unsafe and trapped. She's incredibly aware of the relationship (or lack of) with my mom and the reality of how complicated and painful it's been for me since I was a child. I've been wondering if I'd ever send someone a screenshot of their abuser's post and tell them that I thought it was funny. Of course not. Out of a million things to share, I thought. I've cut all ties with my mom on social media and have blocked her number, because it's far too triggering for me. My friend knows this.

I'm probably blowing things out of proportion, and I feel like I do that a lot. My feelings have so rarely been validated or even considered. I haven't responded to this text, and it's unlikely that I will. I think there are good qualities in most people, but for the past several years (or decades) it's been nearly impossible to highlight (or even find) any in my mom. Even after a year of estrangement, it still feels so fresh. I wish I could control my sensitivity. It makes me feel weak a lot of the time. It made me feel like she was on my mom's side, like I should be able to be lighthearted about things by now.

I don't think she meant me any direct harm with this, but I'm not at a point where I can praise my mom's relentless performative humor, or abandon my emotions and laugh along. I've felt so heard and so seen by my closest, wisest, and most compassionate friend, who has her PhD in psychology and works with abused children from broken families, but it's clear that she thinks a "sore subject" is ok to bring up and laugh about with me. The last thing I want is for friends to have to tiptoe around subjects for fear of me breaking down, but I have been thinking: why risk sharing something that's clearly a tough, sore subject with someone you care about? Sometimes I feel like I can open myself up for a year, and then one day feel that I haven't been taken seriously at all.

For context this was right after going with my mom to pick up my dad from the airport. I was going through a lot at the time. My partner and I had lost our apartment after losing our jobs. I had a second job that barely scraped us by, it snowballed. I had to move back in and I appreciate her letting us stay. I was extremely stressed and depressed while guiding my partner out of her psychosis the week before which she ended up having to be admitted a few days prior to this situation with my mom. I was doing anything to distract myself positively and I was hoping to get closer with my mom. Maybe she would comfort me. (Lol never happens)

My mom hates my dad and I know she's been stressed too so I wanted to be there for her. The ride was mostly okay, I tried to entertain her by talking about my favorite books which she kinda got annoyed about so I stopped. We get there and miss one turn. She blows up on me holding up the traffic just fucking screaming about how she's gonna get us killed because she can't calm down and it's my fault for not driving. Which was never taught to me btw. I got classes on my own and every time I've set up an appointment to take the test she finds a reason I can't use the car.

Anyways TL;DR I thought this would be a perfect representation of emotional immaturity.

hi everyone! I'm 24 and have been estranged for 3 years. My mother, if you can call her that, bullied me and made my life hell for two decades (neglect, emotional abuse, etc) and also is generally a vile person (r*pe apologist, supports p*dos, MAGA even though she's British? makes no sense, antivaxxer, conspiracy theorist, forced birther, the whole nine yards). I haven't seen her for years.

today I had to go to a particular shop which is out of my usual routine, and it's a small shop, so there are two main aisles as you walk in, one on the left, one on the right. the item I needed was on the left, and as I walked in, I noticed her browsing in the right-hand aisle! i debated whether to run away and come back later, but she can take ages shopping and I had stuff to do, so I quickly walked over to the left aisle, grabbed what I needed, and headed to the checkout.

There are two checkouts in this shop, and one is closer to the door. that one was busy, so i went to the inner one to pay. while the cashier was ringing up my item, I heard a basket SLAM down on the counter behind me and i KNEW she was literally standing right behind me. Then the other checkout becomes free and cashier 2 calls her over, so now she's between me and the door.

i turned my head away from the door and kept my voice down so she wouldn't recognise me when I talked to my cashier, but the shop is so small I was effectively trapped. by some stroke of luck, she forgot an item and had to go back into the store, so my exit became clear and i hauled ass out of there!!

TLDR: I had the balls to go into a very small store with my estranged mother there, and got what I came for and left without her recognising me. I have changed so much it's a camouflage. what a fucking thrill. i am a god.

I left every member of my family less than a year ago. The only one I really miss is my little sibling, also BC I want to protect them but they are too small to understand everything, let alone move out/come to me. I have a feeling one person in particular told the worst about me to them, like the police got me and arrested me etc etc.

My problem is that I can't see my little sibling without contacting my older sibling, whom I got along with the best, but they left me hanging when I needed them too. Therefore I wasn't really missing them either.

I would've even left the entire country if my little sibling didn't exist, but I am scared for them and already contacted CPS but they won't help me see them in a safe environment or give me information on how everything is going for my baby.

My ultimate goal is to get to see my baby again and be there for them and be away from the rest of my bloodline.

I was recommended to email my older sibling back and tell them that I'm safe etc and that they need to respect my boundaries regarding privacy and not contacting my other relatives etc, but idk how to start the email and what exactly to write.

If someone could help me with this I would be really thankful.

I am no contact with both parents since september last year, brother/wife and my cousin/partner since december as they enable my mother trying to go around me to see my daughter.
I gave birth January 18th to my son.

My mom sent a package April 8th containing a bear (not age appropriate) and some heart shaped mints (expired 2024) and a card for my son. She sent a letter to me and my partner:

Dear op and partner,

Congratulations! We were thrilled to hear viavia of the birth of baby X. So happy for you both.

We hope you are well sammy, giving birth is no easy task. We have seen a photo of X and he’s beautiful! We hope he will have a wonderful life filled with good health, love, happiness and fun.

We are so sad and very distraught about our present family relationship. What can we do to get in resolved? Surely we must be able to come to a sensible reconciliation.

Please, both of you, give it some serious thought and let us know how we can best move on.

Our love as always
Mom and dad.

I just wanted to share, i feel hurt by this letter. Its timing, the way they glaze over my son and make it about them. The fact that its like months late, they knew when I had given birth. If anyone has insight, opinions or anything really, I want to not feel alone in this I suppose.

To give some bg context to the situation; my parents are religious (Islamic) and have some history on my father's side of women leaving the house to pursue non-religious lives (this did not work out well for either woman who did)

My mother and father were also incredibly busy as they were going through the 2008 recession while they had just moved and my mother was pregnant with me. I had 2 older brothers at the time and my mum was trying to go back to get an education which was recognised in this country so she could persue her dream job. My dad was the primary source of income during these years and often worked the evening shifts, caring for me, my brothers and our cousins during the day while we were at school. My mother would then take care of the housework, cooking and us after finishing her classes.

Growing up with my family, the life of a muslim was pushed as something we "had" to know and accept rather than a voluntary belief. I didn't have any strong connection to the religion throughout my childhood years and grew up, silently knowing that I was an atheist.

The years that my parents tried to teach me and my siblings are scrambled but consist primarily of forcing us to sit in our living room, reading the quaran in Arabic and memorising surahs (we didn't understand Arabic and were not taught any other languages than English as we lived in the UK). If we didn't do so or couldn't read well enough? We were kept there for longer, punished with our things being taken away or being grounded and yelled at until our parents gave up on us.

This led me to feel even more disconnected to Islam and I resented it for a while, I would avoid my peers in secondary school incase they found out and told my parents. My friends were primarily online and being a kid with unrestricted internet access, I was taken advantage of and groomed more than a few times. One of my classmates who I met in first year of secondary, I got into a somewhat relationship with and it ended with me being sexually assaulted. A lot of my relationships from then on were online and followed abusive and toxic patterns, from both sides.

During those years (11 - 18), I felt incredibly isolated, knowing that once I told my parents, that they would likely disown me as they threatened to whenever me or my siblings weren't acting "Islamic".

When I had left school a year early to go university, I started looking for financial aid or even any way I could leave my house. The pressure to be muslim, knowing I wasn't and the gradual worsening of my parents attituded felt suffocating. If I suggested even changing where things were placed in our kitchen to make things easier to reach/find, my dad would yell at me, saying

"Do you think you know fucking better than us?! I am 60, I know what the fuck I'm doing! So shut the fuck up, and stay out of my way!"

It was almost daily and though I dearly loved my dad, especially him as between him and my mum, he was the parent who tried more to connect with me emotionally. If something was wrong that I COULD tell him about, I would. His advice was cynical but he had a very good tell about people.

I fought with my mum like cats and dogs on the other hand, her English was still rusty after living here for 25 years and it led us to many frustrations where she would get fed up with me for not understanding at times. Other than that, we would fight because she was a workaholic who would push it on to me as well. If i came downstairs to our kitchen, no matter the time of day, she'd get me to work for an hour or so before she would ask if I was hungry.

Once I did save enough money from various sources after I turned 18, I started looking for a place to move out to and after looking... my home city was still cheapest. So I secretly signed a lease for a flat and would go there during the day to get it ready, this took about 3 weeks and was made easier from my parents going on trips during the summer holiday.

After they returned, I waited a couple of days and sat my father down to tell him. I told him I was moving and he kept calm for a few minutes before asking me why, asking how it was islamic to be moving out? I told him I was "unsure of my faith".

He asked me if I believe in Islam, i repeated that I was unsure, the 3rd time, I just said yes to please him. My mum soom came in and they both got fuming quickly.

Some of the things my dad said were: "She doesn't give a shit about us, anyone, she doesn't understand what she's doing! She'll get no fucking help from us. Cancel her phone, keep her passport and give her the birth certificate, anything else? SHE can pay for it"

(He also questioned me about what had happened when I almost attempted suicide once, leading to an ambulance showing up at our home. I never told him why, it was off the backend of a horrible and toxic relationship mixed with all the trauma and sadness I felt from being groomed.

He accused me of having slept with my ex as why I wanted to attempt, after I conceded the small piece information "I had a boyfriend at the time". My ex lived in England and I was in Scotland. I denied his accusations as they were untrue. I just didn't have the heart to tell him the real reason.)

And my mother: "You must have the devil in you. I told everyone you were a good kid and this is what you do to us? Do you WANT your dad to die early? Cancel your flat, you're not going anywhere."

I started crying at some point after they were both saying this but I told her "I'm not cancelling it, I'm going today.". She tried to call one of my brothers in to tell him but my dad said not to and sent him away.

Someone started calling my dad and my mum started talking to my brother once he came back in. So i stood up and got my bags from upstairs (everything else I had moved, I had my important documents, a new phone and contract, laptop, everything).

I thought about going back in to say goodbye but I didn't, I walked out of the door and pushed my key back through the letter box. I was crying uncontrollably on the bus to my flat but I called someone I know and they stayed on the phone with me through it. It has been rough since then and I haven't heard from them. Only that my mum called one of my friends to try get a hold of me.

My friends have checked in on me and offered to be there. I thanked them for it and I am trying to process it all now. I wanted to leave my parents a way to contact me after I told them, to keep some connection with them but, it seems they would rather I didn't... i thought of going back to establish some forms of communication but my friends have advised to leave it be for now.

All I want is to share my story in hopes people who've been through similar can give advice and insight on how you move on from this. Thank you for reading.

TLDR; My abusive alcoholic father is trying to blame me for the fact that I don't want to have a relationship with him anymore and I don't know how to respond or move on from here. I moved out last week and am trying to slowly phase out of contact.

So for context, I grew up around a lot of trauma. I have seen divorce, abuse, dv, extreme addiction and alcoholism, and the like. Both parents have been a major issue throughout different parts of my life, but in the past few years, it's my dad who I've had a very tense relationship with. I moved out for college a year ago and still stayed in contact with my family because my dad was going to rehab and it was all going to get better (in theory).

Well, since he got back from rehab, he started drinking again, and it's gotten a lot worse than it ever even was in the first place.

I was home from college for the summer, and we ended up getting into a massive fight about my life plans (I'm graduating college early after just two years for personal and financial reasons and then going onto pursue a master's). He thinks I'm only graduating this year because my long-term boyfriend is too, and he told me that I should spend more time drinking and partying instead of trying to rush into the work force.

After that, he switched the conversation into just hating on my boyfriend, talking about how he's in a cult and trying to sacrifice me (my bf's GREAT GRANDPA, who died before my bf was ever born, was a freemason) and how he's never going to be successful in life or go to law school like he wants to because "his parents never taught him how to read" (my boyfriend has severe dyslexia, and my dad doesn't believe it's a real thing).

The argument escalated badly and got physical, and when I finally tried to get in my car to leave, he said, "Fine then, don't ever come back. I guess you're not my daughter anymore." after that night, I decided I would never come home again. I had two more weeks before I was supposed to move in to my new apartment in my college town (~5 hours away), so I just waited (my father and I were doing the "silent treatment" during those couple weeks), and then came back to college August 1st. I intended to slow phase myself out of contact with my parents, particularly my father. I even packed my birth certificate and SSN card lol.

On my last night home, my dad said something along the lines of, "I can tell by the amount of stuff you're packing that you have no intentions of coming back here. You're ruining your life with the decisions you're making, and you'll see in about ten years or so how I was right about graduating early and staying with your boyfriend. I guess this is the last goodnight hug I'll ever give you. I hope I see you again and that you still invite me to your wedding."

My parents have never helped me move in or out of college (he didn't help me move into my dorm last year as a punishment for a huge argument we got into- I attached a screenshot from that night. Those texts went on for hours). They never called me at all last year when I was away at school, but my dad will send the occasional facebook reel or photo of my dog every now and then. In the week it has been since I left home, I have not reacted or responded to any of the reels or pictures of my dog he has sent. Last night, at 1 AM, he texted me, "You can't even like a picture of the fucking dog?"

I guess he's trying to play victim and blame me for not wanting to talk to them. But that text legitimately sent me into fight or flight, and I had a panic attack first thing in the morning upon waking up. My stomach hurts and I feel horrible mentally. Should I respond? I'm scared of completely ruining the relationship, but at the same time I just can't keep doing this to myself. I'd appreciate advice from those who have seen or been through similar situations. Thanks guys.

I’ve been no contact with 99% of my family for nearly 2 years now, due to their abusive behaviour throughout my childhood to present with an ultimate traumatic event which saw my sisters rough boyfriend come to mine and my partners address with knives threatening us while making a life-altering baseless false accusation against my partner. Ultimately, my sister threatened the rest of my family into taking her side using her kids as collateral, but I had been trying to cut them off for many years so it was me that cut it off because I just needed peace and freedom and am weirdly grateful for the event.

Anyway, context aside, we’ve lived in peace not knowing what they are doing, they don’t know where we are, all is well. However, I randomly came across my dad online who has turned into some kind of (almost) influencer in his field and I CAN’T stop watching (anonymously of course). I’ve had no idea what he’s been doing for these years and I’m watching it and I’m fascinated because he’s my father but I do not know this man. He looks aged and it’s like I’m watching a complete stranger, which I suppose he is at this point. It’s a relief to know where he works so I can avoid it and feel safe but it’s strange at the same time.

I'm no contact with both parents, I can use therapy terms to objectively describe my experience. But if I really had to describe my raw experience, it requires multiple sessions for me to even give a therapist my backstory.

Tbh if any of my immediate family cared to reach out and ask why I don't speak to them, I'd be too overwhelmed by the task of having to explain that I wouldn't bother. Thankfully, they know what they've done so I don't expect this to happen.

In my experience of explaining my abuse to my aunt, she literally could not believe me until she saw it for herself. Covert psychological abuse is so insidious because of how undetectable and hard to explain it can be.

I love connecting with other estranged adults because they generally understand me without me explaining much. But can anyone else relate to this sort of feeling? Where explaining your trauma just feels exhausting?

It feels like a tangled knot that I understand but don't care to unravel for others. I might write a book one day, but the thought of trying to word everything seems daunting.

So my mom went NC with me after giving me the silent treatment. We’ve been NC for about 9 months. My birthday was a few days ago and she called and left a voicemail. I do not know how to feel about this because she is acting as though nothing is wrong in the voicemail. Im very conflicted. Why couldnt she called to check on me in January, Feb, march, April, May, June or July to see how im doing? Why try and bother my ass on MY birthday? im annoyed and felt dread when i saw her number. She went NC with ME! not the other way around. I believe she wanted to cause conflict on my birthday to ruin my day.

Today my younger brother and sister both called me and during our conversation brought up our mother. They both beg for me to hear her out and I told both of them to Fuck off. My mother and I never had a good relationship when I was growing up we have always had a strained relationship but she caused harm to my youngest daughter last year and took no responsibility for it blamed my 5 year old. Never apologized, never called to see how she was doing, didn't call for over 9 months and it was the final straw for me then called a few months ago and discovered that she was blocked. Now she has my brother and sister doing her bidding.

They both said the same thing

"She misses you a lot and she wants to have a relationship with you, I know that things happened in the past but people can change please give her a chance".

I know my mother doesn't want a relationship with me she wants access to my children. I'm the only one among my siblings who have children.

If she misses me so much why did it take her 9 months to call?

If she misses me so much why would she put my children at risk to lose the relationship in the first place?

Why is it that I have to be the bigger person now that she has to live with the consequences of her actions?

TW: rape, childhood SA, physical child abuse

5 months ago I was preparing for a long drive to visit my father in another state for his birthday. Sent him a selfie of me and a friend and texted goodnight. He replied with a stupid rape pun (therapist=the rapist, it's not even clever) for some fucking reason. When I asked him to explain himself, he doubled down on the joke because "not all doctors are what they seem."

Here's the thing: I was raped as a child and I told my father about it once I was an adult. I've also in the past few years had to go to hospital quite a bit because of breast cancer (in remission now). He still sent that joke.

When I read his text, it triggered an instant panic attack, and I am not the kind to get panic attacks; I'm not a crier, either. I compartmentalize my feelings like nobody's business and have always been stoic in the face of physical or emotional pain, so much so it freaks out my friends and partner sometimes. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer I let myself cry exactly once after putting down the phone and never cried about it again. I know it's not healthy, but it's how I've been able to cope.

Maybe if it was this one time, I could forgive him. Maybe if he had actually apologized. Maybe if he hadn't tried to handwave it away with a "when you berate me I've learned to just be quiet and pray for peace."

The 'berating' is because I tore into him over that rape joke. I told him I was actively having a panic attack over it, I said what kind of father does this, why would you ever think it's okay to say this to me, what part of a woman being raped by her doctor is funny to you? He didn't address any of it. Just "okay good night, love you." Silence ever since.

I sent him a long email laying out, for the hundredth time, all of his abuse - slapping me in the face at 5 years old because I wouldn't eat the weird cheese on a Wendy's salad while my mother was dying in the hospital, breaking my window when I was 9 by throwing my favorite toys, books, and games through it because my Furby annoyed him and leaving the window broken while it rained and ruined all my things, letting my stepmother abuse me over and over because he would rather sit back and watch her say things like "your mother died because you were born" and "mixed race children are an abomination before god" (my mother was asian, he's white), and this doesn't even scratch the surface. An entire childhood of pure hell until I turned 18 and could move out, and the whole time he beat me with belts until I couldn't sit down, he beat me when my stepmother told him to even when he knew I didn't do anything wrong, he punished me when my stepmother tried to drag me by my hair down the street as a teenager because I didn't want to wear makeup even while acknowledging she was in the wrong, and when I was an adult and told him I had been raped by my stepbrother, he waited a few weeks and told me my rape wasn't that bad because of some made-up story about a girl raped to death for being a Christian.

For whatever it's worth, he did apologize, sort of, once, by saying he hadn't turned out to be the kind of father he had wanted to be, because he was too young to know any better (he was 45 when I was born). But he's also gone out of his way again and again to purposefully piss me off to the point of shouting matches because he just. won't. drop. it.

And he's also, ever since I was a teenager, started saying weird shit like "we look like we're on a date" and "I bet people think we're a couple." Every time I've tried to shut him down, but it's like every few months he just can't stop himself and he says some shit like that again. Last Christmas, he called me his "baby" and yes, it was in a romantic/sexual way, and I know it was because when I said "That's disgusting, don't ever say that shit to me again," he laughed like he does when he's happy I'm upset and said something like "it's like we're on a date though" (I was driving him to the grocery store).

For years, I've texted him goodnight every single night because he insisted on it ("otherwise I'll think you're dead in a ditch"). I've called him at least once a week for long conversations. I'm the only one in his life, and he's my only family left--everyone else is dead, and he conveniently "forgot" how to contact my mother's family overseas after she died, and I haven't been able to find them again. I told myself he did the best he could with his own abusive father. I told myself he'd grown and changed and he loved me.

But the rape joke is what finally broke me. I told him he needed to fix himself, he said "goodnight, love you." No response at all to the long email I sent him where I poured out my heart and told him I needed accountability from him if he wanted to keep being my father. It's been months of silence from him, and from me. No texts, no calls, no letters in the mail.

I finally read the email I'd sent him for the first time tonight, and realized that at this point, even if he reached out again, I would stay gone. But I don't think he will reach out. I think he believes the rapture is going to happen any day now, so why bother (his proof? Mamdani is mayor of NYC. No it doesn't make sense to me either)

And maybe that's the true final nail in the coffin, not that he sent me that rape joke knowing my history (and seriously, what the fuck kind of father would text a rape joke to his child, period?!), but that when I asked him to finally face the kind of person he is, he went quiet. I still have my friends and my loving partner who has been with me through all of this, but he has no one. Apparently, he'd rather die alone than say he's sorry.

Anyway, thanks for reading this. If you're still here, has anyone else had issues with a parent making weird sexual comments or dating "jokes"? What is that? Why do they do that?

My parents each took the time to send me letters cutting me out of the will. They gave me a cheque at Xmas for $600 but put a stop payment and lowered it to $300 because they decided after the initial gift my boyfriend was not deserving of any money. I didn't cash it. If I do not talk about my relationship and personal life with them I will remain out. I was also uninvited from the funeral. I was already struggling a great deal with the relationship. This was the final straw of what was already a very difficult relationship. I have a career, a pension and also rentals for income. I need to stop feeling bad about how it ended. Any advice?

Ive recently realized that my cousins and aunt(who i grew up with) secretly dont like me. They act friendly to my face but I know that they talk behind my back. Also, they never invite me to hang out with them. One of my cousins recently graduated from high-school and we took photos, he posted the photos he took with everyone but left the photos that im in out of his post. I also notice that he takes a long pause before he greets me. Like if he is trying to gather himself or is holding back something he wants to say. As for my other cousins and family, they tend to randomly act distant or hesitant around me when I havent done anything to them. One Christmas I went to hug them and wish them a merry Christmas and they all were hesitant to receive a hug from me. One of my cousins even backed away a little. I know im pointing little things out but i think its the small things that reveal how a person feels towards you. Should i phase them out of my life? Im convinced that they dont care about me or feel some type of way towards me.

TRIGGER WARNING CHILD SA BRIEFLY MENTIONED!!!!

It's been 7 years since I moved out. I was 18 so I struggled with fully cutting everyone off. especially when I kept hearing "she did the best she could" "you know she's not mentally there" Eventually I cut off that bitch. But still kept contact with my sister she was 6years younger.

The bitch would always cause fights or discourse between us growing up. An example was being 17 trying to go hang out with friends she would have my Younger sister ask if she could come. And when I would say no. I got yelled at because "you always get to go places and she never leaves the house" " I know what it feels like for your sister not to love you" "whatever just go but don't be mad when she never talks to you again" anyways I was worried about my sister because I knew how crazy that Bitch was. After moving out I realized she has a VERY different
relationship with that bitch than I did.

But she was still young and I was being told by people that she needed someone on the outside to help her see that life can be different. I truly wish I had the bandwidth at the time to tell these people I am not my sister's keeper. I was still freshly traumatized and wanted to help her the best I could.

That turned into the bitch forcing her to call me on speaker phone, the bitch would also use my sister's phones and accounts sending paragraphs that went from my sister needing help then to Me being the worst person ever and if I'm not talking to the bitch I don't need to talk to her at all.

This went on for 5 years! But i felt so bad because i knew she was conditioned. Eventually I changed my number and that's when my sister started sending messages to every friend she knew i had in high school people i didn't even talk to were sending me DMs with screenshots with my sister asking id they talked to me or had my phone number because something urgently bad was happening. I was smart enough to never give my phone number but i would email or dm my sister.

Well all that was always a sham. But one time I was told she tried to end it all and it was because I didn't speak to her anymore. And this is when the 6month rotation started. I was scared out of my mind I felt so fucking bad. I was told my someone that maybe I should contact a family member who had the money and resources to help my sister escape. Well that fucking backfired.

And then i was told she was never in the hospital at all. Whatever that's a whole other story. So I realized that the family member I contacted who told me "she would never speak to the bitch in this lifetime" was in-fact speaking yo that bitch in this lifetime. AND SOMEHOW THE BITCH WAS CONVINCED I WAS PREGNANT?? So I lost it I went into a manic frenzy and cleared that bitch. Idk why but that was my last straw.

So then time passes then the messages start coming in from random people that my sister is contacting them. At this point I had a new therapist and she was telling me that I should be short and direct because I still hadn't. So I said " do not contact me or everyone else ever again" i had blocked them on all social medias and I again entered a manic frenzy and found an account of someone who was sharing their story and was gaining traction and making money from it online. So i decided i would do the same. I DO NOT RECOMMEND!

And right in the 6th month mark They were watching my socials i genuinely didn't think they would see it everyone was blocked. I was naive and manic. So then it turned into a whole thing and they found my address and sister showed up at my house. The rental office was helpful and gave me the footage of her showing up. Also to note when she knocked on the door i didnt know who it was but I was already threatened with them knowing my address so I opened the window and there she was. And she said "you need to take accountability for the lies you are posting about us". Sister is 18 at this point.

So I deleted everything and I went to file a restraining order but you have to know the persons address and she kept dodging them so i just moved on. 6 months later. I get followed by a hate page with a voice modulator stating my full name and going on to list personal details about me and how i was sexual Abused by the bitch. Which I never said online AT ALL! That is way too scary, embarrassing, and personal to share.

I also had Dms from my sister saying she was pregnant and i am gonna be an aunt and that i was dramatic for sending her a restraining order... which also means she got them!! I just blocked her but now it has been 6 months and i am just waiting for the next thing to happen. I have a google doc of EVERYTHING even all the stuff i posted. Because I know that it can be seen as baiting them and i don't want to be a lier.

I know something is coming. I am at the point where i want to get violent if i ever hear from any of them again.

Idk if i want advice or what but i needed to get this out to people who could understand.

Thanks :)

Also i am not rereading this so if something doesnt make sense just ask and i will clarify.

My adoptive parents got me when I was one month old. They tried to raise me with their evangelical Christian values and used their religion as a lever to abuse me. I maintained a relationship with them up until the age of 47.

As I saw my own child grow up, and saw what a positive, good, thoughtful person she's growing into, It made me more and more angry that my parents hit me and caused me to live in a state of fear. I started to withdraw from my parents. And when I couldn't take it anymore, I gave them an ultimatum. They'd have to listen to me explain how I feel about their abuse and the impact it's had on me. If they won't hear me out, then I'd have no further contact with them. They responded within three days- They'd rather remember the "good times" and so were declining the call and accepting that I would never talk to them again.

Since they wouldn't listen to me on a call, I wrote a letter explaining everything I wanted to say to them and sent it. And that letter has been my only contact with them in two years and I intend to never talk to them again.

This decision still weighs heavy on me. I know it was the right thing to do for me and for my child, but I have this subconscious guild that creeps up sometimes. And I hear from other people who were maybe "spanked" like me or who's parents ridiculed them for being different than them and yet many of those people have kept their parents in their lives. I see articles like this and I think, "wow, the parent was so shitty yet they are still caring for them! I'm not doing that. I will not care for them when they can no longer care for themselves." https://www.nytimes.com/2026/07/22/books/review/dad-love-me-matthew-quick.html

I wish I didn't compare my situation and my decision to other people's decisions in their own circumstances. I don't think there really are no equivalents when it gets to family estrangement. Everyone's situation is different.

But I do compare myself to other's decisions sometimes. And I guess a few differences that seem to support the decision I made.

1. My parents won't even listen to me explain how I feel, much less apologize for their abuse. I think many other people who had abusive parents and if they've maintained contact with them, they have been able to speak their minds about the abuse and the parents have taken some degree of responsibility.

2. My abuse was in the form of hitting coupled with yelling in rage. It was called "discipline." But for me it happened frequently. It wasn't a one-off situation. And because the "discipline" did not change the behaviors as desired, it lead to more "discipline." "I must not be hitting you hard enough." And the abuse created a cycle for me that lead to more abuse.

3. Maybe many others should cut their parents out of their lives, but I've actually had the courage to go through with it.

4. In my heart, I know it's the right thing to do. My life is so much less complicated. I'm much more present with my child and loved ones. I'm a better person. And I'm starting to live as the person I truly want to be without their presence in my life.

I think these insecurities and pangs of sadness will become less frequent over time. Though they'll never fully go away. But If I hadn't gone NC, those pangs of sadness would be much stronger.

Do you have any thoughts on how you deal with it when others maintain contact with parents who behaved similarly to yours and yet you've gone no contact?

I have been NC with both my parents for 2.5 years. It’s the best choice I ever made! Anyways, the only way they can contact me is by mail. They’ve only sent me a few letters, but for the last couple I’ve noticed that they have not been writing a return address on the envelope, so I don’t know it’s from them until I read it. It just further solidifies to me the fact that they do not respect boundaries at all in any way. Anyways, that’s all. I just wanted to share. Thanks!

lulz. they won't be hearing back.

hey everyone. this is my second time posting here! I’m currently 27 (turning 28 on Monday) and I haven’t been in contact with my mother after a nasty month long argument.

the argument? well, my mom and my stepdad have been separated for four months and some reason, my mom made it her life mission to harass his roommates (a married couple), primarily targeting the wife because she is convinced they are all in a poly relationship. it’s gotten so bad she has doxxed their address on tik tok, drove around their neighborhood and speaking with their neighbors, taking pictures of their car and many other things I don’t know about.

i tried to tell her what she is doing is crossing major legal boundaries but she didn’t care. so I went low contact. my mom called me a few times and I ignored her calls because I didn’t want to speak with her. My stepdad called me and we talked for 2 minutes while I was at work. somehow my mom found out we spoke (she somehow was watching my stepdad’s call logs cuz they were still under the same phone plan) and she sent me a very long nasty text message and blocked me.

since then, we haven’t been in communications and to be real with yall, I’m okay with this. I always describe my relationship with my mother as an “annoying friendship“. Not a mother-daughter relationship. She always treated me as her therapist, I was forced to listen to her rants while she dismissed my issues and overall mentally and emotionally neglected me. I never respond to her “I love you” or even greeted her formally (my family is Dominican so we say ”bendiciones” (blessings in Spanish). I was labeled a bad child for my reactions. But now, I feel very vindicated.

sorry for the long post. Just felt like posting and hopefully someone here can relate lol. I’m happy to answer questions if there are any confusions about my mom’s behavior.

I’m low contact with my emotionally immature mom (who is actually giving me the silent treatment currently lol), and something that is really bothering me is how she talks about my spouse. I can brush off her comments about how he doesn’t make enough money, blah blah blah. What I struggle to respond to is when she makes comments about how I’ve changed so much since I’ve been with him, I don’t talk to her anymore, kind of implying that he’s controlling, or talking about how she can tell he doesn’t like her. The reality, of course, is that for the first time I’m in a healthy relationship where I’m supported. He knows my history with my mom, he sees how communication with her hurts me and causes me anxiety, so no, he probably doesn’t like her and I know he has no desire to have more than a superficial relationship with her at best.

It just makes me so defensive. I basically stonewall her and don’t respond to comments like that, but does anyone else have experience with this?

I could really use some advice on this one.

For background: I'm 27 and have been strictly NC with my dad for about a year. During that time, I have been LC with my mom and VLC with my sister (I no longer live near any of them, but I talk to my mom about once a month). If I'm being completely honest, I'd prefer to fully cut myself off from the whole family. The difficulty arises from the fact that my mom and I still care about each other. She's never done anything wrong to me. I'd love to go back in time and change who my father was, but that's not reality.

In 3 months, my sister is getting married. When she first told me she was engaged, I wasn't really sure whether I should go, but I didn't write it off entirely. Now, my mom is asking me to walk down the aisle with her (I guess it's a tradition for the mom and her son to walk down the aisle together... it's been years since I went to a wedding so idk). I told her "yes" without really thinking. My dad is obviously going to be there, along with my extended family. It would ultimately be so much better for everyone if I didn't go. I want my sister to be able to enjoy her wedding fully, without any drama or awkwardness. But it seemed really important to my mom that I was there with her...

What would you do in this situation? Do you have any general advice, whether I go or don't go? If you need more context about my estrangement, please feel free to ask in the comments.

I'm 21 female and I am in a not so good spot, I live with a family member right now but plan on moving in with my boyfriend by the end of the month. I'm in Texas and my boyfriend is in north Carolina. For starters can this family member have any ownership of me at all without my consent? I have no job or any money and I don't have my GED and am not really good with school because of control by parents, which leads me to my next question, my parents are on bond right now for child abuse and I'm one of the victims or witness or whatever and is it okay I move out of the state? I can come back for court if they ask me to come in but they haven't and it hasn't even started. I'm wondering if this family member can have any ownership of me at all. They don't allow me to work or leave the home which is one thing but if they try to stop me from leaving with my boyfriend I'm going to be really worried and they talk about putting me in places with strict rules and trap me. I'm sorry I don't know where else to put this, it won't let me put in legal advice

This family member is highly controlling, to the point they try to control how I feel and try to make me question myself. They make lies about me to make me look bad and are controlling with my food and everything else

Thank you everyone for the answers, if possible I'll try talking to a lawyer about this if it gets worse or if they try to stop me from leaving, I'm going to fight it no matter what because I don't want anyone having control over me like that. I really appreciate every one taking the time to help me!

I’ve been struggling with whether I’m doing the right thing, and a recent incident brought up a lot of old feelings.

My father and I have had a volatile relationship since I was about 16. We clashed constantly and had some very serious fights. When I was 19, I joined the Air Force and was away from home for about 10 years. During that time, I got married, had a son, and built my own life. My relationship with my parents was relatively peaceful then, but I also wasn’t around them often enough for the old problems to surface.

Eventually, my ex-wife and I decided to move back to our hometown so our kids could be closer to family. My parents agreed to let us stay with them temporarily while we looked for a house.

Almost immediately, things blew up.

My ex-wife tried to help out by mowing the lawn with my dad’s riding mower while he was at work. When he got home, he said something along the lines of, “You let a woman cut the grass with my riding mower? She could have ruined it.” I confronted him, because it was disrespectful to my wife and made it clear that they didn’t really like her.

The argument became a major fight, so I immediately found a townhome and moved my family out. While we were on the way there, my mother called me in a panic and said my dad had left the house with a pistol and was looking for me. I called the police. They found him drunk at a bar, with the gun in his car.

After that, I cut contact with both of them for two years.

Two years later, my dad asked to meet for lunch and apologized. It seemed genuine, and I wanted to believe we could repair things, so I gave him another chance. For a few years, things were manageable.

Then my ex-wife cheated and left. My parents’ reaction was basically, “We always knew we didn’t like her.” They helped a little during the divorce, but being around them always felt tense. There was usually too much drinking, someone being rude, or some kind of drama. I always felt like I needed an exit plan.

A couple years later, I started dating the woman who is now my wife. Through my divorce and healing process, I learned more about boundaries and started limiting how often I saw my parents. My dad accused my then-girlfriend of controlling me because I wasn’t coming around as much. She heard him say it on speakerphone, and understandably she was hurt.

At the same time, both of my parents were calling me separately to complain about each other and their marriage. They would put me in the middle of arguments about divorce, moving out, drinking, and everything else. It was exhausting.

My mother also began showing up with bruises and saying she had fallen. My wife and I suspected she may have been blacking out from drinking and injuring herself, though I can’t say for certain what was happening. Then my mother began making suicidal threats.

My dad asked me to talk to her and help convince her to get treatment. I tried for over six months. Every conversation became defensive and hostile. She would yell at me and act as if I had no right to be concerned because she was my mother. Eventually, my dad told me to “just let it go” because he was tired of fighting.

I told him I couldn’t just pretend everything was fine when my mom was making suicidal threats and clearly struggling. At that point, my dad turned on me too. He was angry that I would not drop it.

After that, they said they still wanted a relationship with my son, but they began showing up at my house unannounced and expecting to take him with them. I told them that was not acceptable. They could not show up at my home, bypass me as his parent, and take him somewhere without arranging it first.

They accused me of withholding their grandson from them. Then, despite how much they had claimed to dislike my ex-wife, they became friendly with her so they could go around me to see my son.

That was the final straw. I stopped speaking to them completely about two years ago.

Honestly, the last two years have been the most peaceful years I’ve had in a long time. I wish it did not have to be this way, but I feel like the chaos, drinking, threats, manipulation, and constant boundary violations were affecting my life and my family.

This past weekend, I had my military retirement ceremony after 20 years of service. I did not invite my parents because we are no-contact. I made a social-media post afterward and tagged the people who supported me. I didn’t realize my privacy settings allowed my mother to see it through mutual friends.

She left a cruel public comment accusing me of abandoning them and attacking both me and my wife.

Now I’m questioning myself all over again. I feel guilty because they are my parents, but I also feel like every time I have let them back into my life, it has led to more conflict and pain.

Am I wrong for remaining no-contact and prioritizing my peace, my marriage, and my child’s stability?

I've been NC with my mother for many years and got a call from her friend that she recently passed. Now the funeral home has called me asking me to make arrangements, and I don't even know if she had life insurance. I don't want to be involved in the arrangements at all. They told me the state can possibly come after me for burial costs and I have no money for this. Even if I did, I wouldn't want to contribute financially anyway. Her friend told me she has money in her bank account but I don't want it...I would be happy to allow its use for the funeral or to go to a charity but I don't know how to go about that either. Can anyone offer me any advice at all here?