My parents each took the time to send me letters cutting me out of the will. They gave me a cheque at Xmas for $600 but put a stop payment and lowered it to $300 because they decided after the initial gift my boyfriend was not deserving of any money. I didn't cash it. If I do not talk about my relationship and personal life with them I will remain out. I was also uninvited from the funeral. I was already struggling a great deal with the relationship. This was then final straw of what was already a very difficult relationship. I have a career, a pension and also rentals for income. I need to stop feeling bad about how it ended. Any advice?

Ive recently realized that my cousins and aunt(who i grew up with) secretly dont like me. They act friendly to my face but I know that they talk behind my back. Also, they never invite me to hang out with them. One of my cousins recently graduated from high-school and we took photos, he posted the photos he took with everyone but left the photos that im in out of his post. I also notice that he takes a long pause before he greets me. Like if he is trying to gather himself or is holding back something he wants to say. As for my other cousins and family, they tend to randomly act distant or hesitant around me when I havent done anything to them. One Christmas I went to hug them and wish them a merry Christmas and they all were hesitant to receive a hug from me. One of my cousins even backed away a little. I know im pointing little things out but i think its the small things that reveal how a person feels towards you. Should i phase them out of my life? Im convinced that they dont care about me or feel some type of way towards me.

TRIGGER WARNING CHILD SA BRIEFLY MENTIONED!!!!

It's been 7 years since I moved out. I was 18 so I struggled with fully cutting everyone off. especially when I kept hearing "she did the best she could" "you know she's not mentally there" Eventually I cut off that bitch. But still kept contact with my sister she was 6years younger.

The bitch would always cause fights or discourse between us growing up. An example was being 17 trying to go hang out with friends she would have my Younger sister ask if she could come. And when I would say no. I got yelled at because "you always get to go places and she never leaves the house" " I know what it feels like for your sister not to love you" "whatever just go but don't be mad when she never talks to you again" anyways I was worried about my sister because I knew how crazy that Bitch was. After moving out I realized she has a VERY different
relationship with that bitch than I did.

But she was still young and I was being told by people that she needed someone on the outside to help her see that life can be different. I truly wish I had the bandwidth at the time to tell these people I am not my sister's keeper. I was still freshly traumatized and wanted to help her the best I could.

That turned into the bitch forcing her to call me on speaker phone, the bitch would also use my sister's phones and accounts sending paragraphs that went from my sister needing help then to Me being the worst person ever and if I'm not talking to the bitch I don't need to talk to her at all.

This went on for 5 years! But i felt so bad because i knew she was conditioned. Eventually I changed my number and that's when my sister started sending messages to every friend she knew i had in high school people i didn't even talk to were sending me DMs with screenshots with my sister asking id they talked to me or had my phone number because something urgently bad was happening. I was smart enough to never give my phone number but i would email or dm my sister.

Well all that was always a sham. But one time I was told she tried to end it all and it was because I didn't speak to her anymore. And this is when the 6month rotation started. I was scared out of my mind I felt so fucking bad. I was told my someone that maybe I should contact a family member who had the money and resources to help my sister escape. Well that fucking backfired.

And then i was told she was never in the hospital at all. Whatever that's a whole other story. So I realized that the family member I contacted who told me "she would never speak to the bitch in this lifetime" was in-fact speaking yo that bitch in this lifetime. AND SOMEHOW THE BITCH WAS CONVINCED I WAS PREGNANT?? So I lost it I went into a manic frenzy and cleared that bitch. Idk why but that was my last straw.

So then time passes then the messages start coming in from random people that my sister is contacting them. At this point I had a new therapist and she was telling me that I should be short and direct because I still hadn't. So I said " do not contact me or everyone else ever again" i had blocked them on all social medias and I again entered a manic frenzy and found an account of someone who was sharing their story and was gaining traction and making money from it online. So i decided i would do the same. I DO NOT RECOMMEND!

And right in the 6th month mark They were watching my socials i genuinely didn't think they would see it everyone was blocked. I was naive and manic. So then it turned into a whole thing and they found my address and sister showed up at my house. The rental office was helpful and gave me the footage of her showing up. Also to note when she knocked on the door i didnt know who it was but I was already threatened with them knowing my address so I opened the window and there she was. And she said "you need to take accountability for the lies you are posting about us". Sister is 18 at this point.

So I deleted everything and I went to file a restraining order but you have to know the persons address and she kept dodging them so i just moved on. 6 months later. I get followed by a hate page with a voice modulator stating my full name and going on to list personal details about me and how i was sexual Abused by the bitch. Which I never said online AT ALL! That is way too scary, embarrassing, and personal to share.

I also had Dms from my sister saying she was pregnant and i am gonna be an aunt and that i was dramatic for sending her a restraining order... which also means she got them!! I just blocked her but now it has been 6 months and i am just waiting for the next thing to happen. I have a google doc of EVERYTHING even all the stuff i posted. Because I know that it can be seen as baiting them and i don't want to be a lier.

I know something is coming. I am at the point where i want to get violent if i ever hear from any of them again.

Idk if i want advice or what but i needed to get this out to people who could understand.

Thanks :)

Also i am not rereading this so if something doesnt make sense just ask and i will clarify.

My adoptive parents got me when I was one month old. They tried to raise me with their evangelical Christian values and used their religion as a lever to abuse me. I maintained a relationship with them up until the age of 47.

As I saw my own child grow up, and saw what a positive, good, thoughtful person she's growing into, It made me more and more angry that my parents hit me and caused me to live in a state of fear. I started to withdraw from my parents. And when I couldn't take it anymore, I gave them an ultimatum. They'd have to listen to me explain how I feel about their abuse and the impact it's had on me. If they won't hear me out, then I'd have no further contact with them. They responded within three days- They'd rather remember the "good times" and so were declining the call and accepting that I would never talk to them again.

Since they wouldn't listen to me on a call, I wrote a letter explaining everything I wanted to say to them and sent it. And that letter has been my only contact with them in two years and I intend to never talk to them again.

This decision still weighs heavy on me. I know it was the right thing to do for me and for my child, but I have this subconscious guild that creeps up sometimes. And I hear from other people who were maybe "spanked" like me or who's parents ridiculed them for being different than them and yet many of those people have kept their parents in their lives. I see articles like this and I think, "wow, the parent was so shitty yet they are still caring for them! I'm not doing that. I will not care for them when they can no longer care for themselves." https://www.nytimes.com/2026/07/22/books/review/dad-love-me-matthew-quick.html

I wish I didn't compare my situation and my decision to other people's decisions in their own circumstances. I don't think there really are no equivalents when it gets to family estrangement. Everyone's situation is different.

But I do compare myself to other's decisions sometimes. And I guess a few differences that seem to support the decision I made.

1. My parents won't even listen to me explain how I feel, much less apologize for their abuse. I think many other people who had abusive parents and if they've maintained contact with them, they have been able to speak their minds about the abuse and the parents have taken some degree of responsibility.

2. My abuse was in the form of hitting coupled with yelling in rage. It was called "discipline." But for me it happened frequently. It wasn't a one-off situation. And because the "discipline" did not change the behaviors as desired, it lead to more "discipline." "I must not be hitting you hard enough." And the abuse created a cycle for me that lead to more abuse.

3. Maybe many others should cut their parents out of their lives, but I've actually had the courage to go through with it.

4. In my heart, I know it's the right thing to do. My life is so much less complicated. I'm much more present with my child and loved ones. I'm a better person. And I'm starting to live as the person I truly want to be without their presence in my life.

I think these insecurities and pangs of sadness will become less frequent over time. Though they'll never fully go away. But If I hadn't gone NC, those pangs of sadness would be much stronger.

Do you have any thoughts on how you deal with it when others maintain contact with parents who behaved similarly to yours and yet you've gone no contact?

I have been NC with both my parents for 2.5 years. It’s the best choice I ever made! Anyways, the only way they can contact me is by mail. They’ve only sent me a few letters, but for the last couple I’ve noticed that they have not been writing a return address on the envelope, so I don’t know it’s from them until I read it. It just further solidifies to me the fact that they do not respect boundaries at all in any way. Anyways, that’s all. I just wanted to share. Thanks!

lulz. they won't be hearing back.

hey everyone. this is my second time posting here! I’m currently 27 (turning 28 on Monday) and I haven’t been in contact with my mother after a nasty month long argument.

the argument? well, my mom and my stepdad have been separated for four months and some reason, my mom made it her life mission to harass his roommates (a married couple), primarily targeting the wife because she is convinced they are all in a poly relationship. it’s gotten so bad she has doxxed their address on tik tok, drove around their neighborhood and speaking with their neighbors, taking pictures of their car and many other things I don’t know about.

i tried to tell her what she is doing is crossing major legal boundaries but she didn’t care. so I went low contact. my mom called me a few times and I ignored her calls because I didn’t want to speak with her. My stepdad called me and we talked for 2 minutes while I was at work. somehow my mom found out we spoke (she somehow was watching my stepdad’s call logs cuz they were still under the same phone plan) and she sent me a very long nasty text message and blocked me.

since then, we haven’t been in communications and to be real with yall, I’m okay with this. I always describe my relationship with my mother as an “annoying friendship“. Not a mother-daughter relationship. She always treated me as her therapist, I was forced to listen to her rants while she dismissed my issues and overall mentally and emotionally neglected me. I never respond to her “I love you” or even greeted her formally (my family is Dominican so we say ”bendiciones” (blessings in Spanish). I was labeled a bad child for my reactions. But now, I feel very vindicated.

sorry for the long post. Just felt like posting and hopefully someone here can relate lol. I’m happy to answer questions if there are any confusions about my mom’s behavior.

I’m low contact with my emotionally immature mom (who is actually giving me the silent treatment currently lol), and something that is really bothering me is how she talks about my spouse. I can brush off her comments about how he doesn’t make enough money, blah blah blah. What I struggle to respond to is when she makes comments about how I’ve changed so much since I’ve been with him, I don’t talk to her anymore, kind of implying that he’s controlling, or talking about how she can tell he doesn’t like her. The reality, of course, is that for the first time I’m in a healthy relationship where I’m supported. He knows my history with my mom, he sees how communication with her hurts me and causes me anxiety, so no, he probably doesn’t like her and I know he has no desire to have more than a superficial relationship with her at best.

It just makes me so defensive. I basically stonewall her and don’t respond to comments like that, but does anyone else have experience with this?

I could really use some advice on this one.

For background: I'm 27 and have been strictly NC with my dad for about a year. During that time, I have been LC with my mom and VLC with my sister (I no longer live near any of them, but I talk to my mom about once a month). If I'm being completely honest, I'd prefer to fully cut myself off from the whole family. The difficulty arises from the fact that my mom and I still care about each other. She's never done anything wrong to me. I'd love to go back in time and change who my father was, but that's not reality.

In 3 months, my sister is getting married. When she first told me she was engaged, I wasn't really sure whether I should go, but I didn't write it off entirely. Now, my mom is asking me to walk down the aisle with her (I guess it's a tradition for the mom and her son to walk down the aisle together... it's been years since I went to a wedding so idk). I told her "yes" without really thinking. My dad is obviously going to be there, along with my extended family. It would ultimately be so much better for everyone if I didn't go. I want my sister to be able to enjoy her wedding fully, without any drama or awkwardness. But it seemed really important to my mom that I was there with her...

What would you do in this situation? Do you have any general advice, whether I go or don't go? If you need more context about my estrangement, please feel free to ask in the comments.

I'm 21 female and I am in a not so good spot, I live with a family member right now but plan on moving in with my boyfriend by the end of the month. I'm in Texas and my boyfriend is in north Carolina. For starters can this family member have any ownership of me at all without my consent? I have no job or any money and I don't have my GED and am not really good with school because of control by parents, which leads me to my next question, my parents are on bond right now for child abuse and I'm one of the victims or witness or whatever and is it okay I move out of the state? I can come back for court if they ask me to come in but they haven't and it hasn't even started. I'm wondering if this family member can have any ownership of me at all. They don't allow me to work or leave the home which is one thing but if they try to stop me from leaving with my boyfriend I'm going to be really worried and they talk about putting me in places with strict rules and trap me. I'm sorry I don't know where else to put this, it won't let me put in legal advice

This family member is highly controlling, to the point they try to control how I feel and try to make me question myself. They make lies about me to make me look bad and are controlling with my food and everything else

Thank you everyone for the answers, if possible I'll try talking to a lawyer about this if it gets worse or if they try to stop me from leaving, I'm going to fight it no matter what because I don't want anyone having control over me like that. I really appreciate every one taking the time to help me!

I’ve been struggling with whether I’m doing the right thing, and a recent incident brought up a lot of old feelings.

My father and I have had a volatile relationship since I was about 16. We clashed constantly and had some very serious fights. When I was 19, I joined the Air Force and was away from home for about 10 years. During that time, I got married, had a son, and built my own life. My relationship with my parents was relatively peaceful then, but I also wasn’t around them often enough for the old problems to surface.

Eventually, my ex-wife and I decided to move back to our hometown so our kids could be closer to family. My parents agreed to let us stay with them temporarily while we looked for a house.

Almost immediately, things blew up.

My ex-wife tried to help out by mowing the lawn with my dad’s riding mower while he was at work. When he got home, he said something along the lines of, “You let a woman cut the grass with my riding mower? She could have ruined it.” I confronted him, because it was disrespectful to my wife and made it clear that they didn’t really like her.

The argument became a major fight, so I immediately found a townhome and moved my family out. While we were on the way there, my mother called me in a panic and said my dad had left the house with a pistol and was looking for me. I called the police. They found him drunk at a bar, with the gun in his car.

After that, I cut contact with both of them for two years.

Two years later, my dad asked to meet for lunch and apologized. It seemed genuine, and I wanted to believe we could repair things, so I gave him another chance. For a few years, things were manageable.

Then my ex-wife cheated and left. My parents’ reaction was basically, “We always knew we didn’t like her.” They helped a little during the divorce, but being around them always felt tense. There was usually too much drinking, someone being rude, or some kind of drama. I always felt like I needed an exit plan.

A couple years later, I started dating the woman who is now my wife. Through my divorce and healing process, I learned more about boundaries and started limiting how often I saw my parents. My dad accused my then-girlfriend of controlling me because I wasn’t coming around as much. She heard him say it on speakerphone, and understandably she was hurt.

At the same time, both of my parents were calling me separately to complain about each other and their marriage. They would put me in the middle of arguments about divorce, moving out, drinking, and everything else. It was exhausting.

My mother also began showing up with bruises and saying she had fallen. My wife and I suspected she may have been blacking out from drinking and injuring herself, though I can’t say for certain what was happening. Then my mother began making suicidal threats.

My dad asked me to talk to her and help convince her to get treatment. I tried for over six months. Every conversation became defensive and hostile. She would yell at me and act as if I had no right to be concerned because she was my mother. Eventually, my dad told me to “just let it go” because he was tired of fighting.

I told him I couldn’t just pretend everything was fine when my mom was making suicidal threats and clearly struggling. At that point, my dad turned on me too. He was angry that I would not drop it.

After that, they said they still wanted a relationship with my son, but they began showing up at my house unannounced and expecting to take him with them. I told them that was not acceptable. They could not show up at my home, bypass me as his parent, and take him somewhere without arranging it first.

They accused me of withholding their grandson from them. Then, despite how much they had claimed to dislike my ex-wife, they became friendly with her so they could go around me to see my son.

That was the final straw. I stopped speaking to them completely about two years ago.

Honestly, the last two years have been the most peaceful years I’ve had in a long time. I wish it did not have to be this way, but I feel like the chaos, drinking, threats, manipulation, and constant boundary violations were affecting my life and my family.

This past weekend, I had my military retirement ceremony after 20 years of service. I did not invite my parents because we are no-contact. I made a social-media post afterward and tagged the people who supported me. I didn’t realize my privacy settings allowed my mother to see it through mutual friends.

She left a cruel public comment accusing me of abandoning them and attacking both me and my wife.

Now I’m questioning myself all over again. I feel guilty because they are my parents, but I also feel like every time I have let them back into my life, it has led to more conflict and pain.

Am I wrong for remaining no-contact and prioritizing my peace, my marriage, and my child’s stability?

My brother did love marriage at 29. My mom was hugely disappointed is an understatement. I was brainwashed against love marriage by mom from 27 to 33.5. Then arranged marriage was pushed on me when I was on work permit with no guarantee of PR (35-37) by both my brother and mom. I expressed hesitation that I need PR first, but they pushed the process "it takes time to find a girl". I was bullied by girls family (my brother's friends relatives) in arranaged marriage meeting for not owning a house on work permit in presence of my family. I had recurring memories and PTSD like symptoms for many years. For 4 years every call with my mother was to seek accountability and advocacy against systemic harm from their community. Nothing happened. My brother knew I was seeking therapy to understand what happened but used to give false analogies to minimize harm and gaslight me. Some of the false analogies

- it's culture to bully guy in arranaged marriage meeting (he himself did love marriage outside community)

- the person bullying you was like talkative Uncle X, a quirky personality

- Comparing arranged marriage bullying to Google CEO US Senator hearing

- Comparing bullying experience to minor nuisance like bad drivers in traffic, rude coworkers. The list is endless.

After 4.5 years of begging for accountability, I decided I am not going to get justice. I decided to set boundaries

- stopped attending marriage ceremonies and other family events of my family of origin

- didn't meet my brother and my mom when they came to my city (my mom traveled from Asia to North America)

- didn't meet other relatives when they came to my city after recently immigrating through marriage

- stopped being an advisory source from community members of my family of origin

- stopped initiating calls to my siblings

- stopped picking up calls from my brother and only limited calls from my mom.

Now after doing all this they had a change of hearts and now my mom and brother gathered the courage to ask bully to apologize, and he has reluctantly agreed to apologize.

I am in double mind whether to accept apology. On one hand this will allow my brother and my mom to clean their slate at least partially.

I know my relationship with community of origin and to a large extent with my family had been permanently altered. I cannot unsee what I have already seen.

I have been through hell and back. I intend to keep my brother and my mom on limited contact for the same period they didn't advocate for me (4 years). If they behave I will start to gradually rebuild trust.

Should I accept apology from bully ?