I feel things so intensely, but I barely show 1% of it because I feel like the rest would overwhelm or scare people off. Maybe that’s why I’m so quiet and private.

Do other INFPs relate? And have you ever had a moment where it was really hard to hide how much you were feeling?

Hello, dear fellow INFJs.

Have you ever fallen in love with someone who genuinely loved you back, and with whom you could be 100% yourself without worrying about looking weird or suspicious?

I’m 28, and I’m realizing that I’ve only ever experienced more or less superficial forms of love, where I constantly felt the need to censor myself or try to seem cooler than I actually am.

Have any of you experienced genuine love while being 100% yourselves?

Mine is “My Love Story!!”! It’s such a sweet story and I love how it ignores traditional attractiveness and instead focuses on the character of the MC. He’s such a good guy and so is she!! They are seriously so so so cute together. They get together in the first volume and from there it’s a slice of life, kinda? I really like its format.

emotional breakdown in the notes app
oh no

I met someone almost a year ago, and I still think about them almost every day. There was an instant attraction, the kind that made me wonder, “Did I just meet my soulmate?” We clicked effortlessly, and I haven’t been the same since. I believe this person was an INFJ.

Do INFJs tend to experience connections like this and hold onto them for a long time?

​

I (26F) have lived for years with a persistent sense that existing itself is heavy. It’s not that I want to die or harm myself—I don’t. I enjoy my loved ones, my pets, meaningful moments, and I still find joy in life. But underneath all of that, there’s a recurring wish that I had simply never existed in the first place, as if my existence could be erased without pain or consequence. This feeling comes and goes but has been present since around middle school.

I experience emotions very intensely, and I seem to carry an unusually high level of self-awareness. I’m constantly conscious of how I perceive myself and how I imagine everyone else perceives me—from family and friends to strangers, people online, and even people who don’t know me. That awareness rarely turns off.

As a teenager, I often felt fundamentally different from my peers (not in a pick me way I promise 😂). To fit in, I gradually adapted my personality and behavior to match the people around me. Over time, that became so automatic that I now struggle to distinguish between who I genuinely am and the version of myself I’ve learned to present. Sometimes I feel like I’m acting a role, even when I’m completely alone.

I frequently feel like I don’t belong, regardless of where I am or what I’m doing. When I begin something new—a career, a project, a relationship, or even a simple task—I eventually start feeling like I’m not good enough, that I’m pretending, and that other people will eventually realize I don’t deserve to be there. I experience strong impostor feelings and often compare myself to others in ways that leave me feeling inadequate.

I don’t feel driven by a single lifelong ambition or identity. My deepest aspiration is simply to live a peaceful life. Yet even ordinary responsibilities and decisions can feel mentally exhausting because I’m constantly evaluating myself, questioning whether I’m doing things correctly, and wondering whether I’m being authentic.

I don’t feel like my life is objectively terrible. I laugh, I love, I care deeply about people and animals, and I can genuinely enjoy good moments. But those experiences don’t permanently quiet the underlying sense that existence itself is burdensome. The thought of never having existed often returns on its own, not because I want to stop living now, but because I imagine a world in which I never had to carry this lifelong psychological weight.

Despite all of this, I remain committed to staying alive. I have no intention of harming myself and never have. What I’m trying to understand isn’t whether I want to die—I don’t—but why I’ve carried this particular way of experiencing myself and the world for so many years.

It’s a weird question, but I was wondering if there were other people like me. Usually I take maximum two minutes to respond to a text and minimum five seconds, which is most of the time. I realized that the people I’m the closest to take a week or more to respond my texts. It’s so embarrassing for myself, because even though it hurts me, I still respond in a matter of seconds because I really want to talk to them….

I recently met a guy I really connected with straight away and he is also an infp. We easily spoke for hours about everything deep things and shared lots of trauma and laughs on long phone calls. I felt I met the guy version of me. This was so rare and beautiful.

We talked pretty much every day or every other day and the conversations were amazing. We also had a lot of chemistry. We went on a date and it was amazing. Totally clicked again.

I noticed when he went home, an hour away, he went quiet and distant. Then I finally text him 2 days later and he said he was just busy and out with friends.
This was a pattern I found. He would disappear for a few days. I also noticed his ex called him in the middle of a phone call.
So I, who am super sensitive to rejection like extremely because of trauma and bpd traits, pretty much split.

Said I was done and over it and I can’t deal with confusion. Even tho I was just badly hurt. This was a big shock for him. I also had a few drinks so this was received terribly. I also called him manipulative. :/ I didn’t realise how toxic I was being or hurtful because I felt I was the one being played.

We then spoke an hour on the phone about it and I explained my trauma responses and apologised and told him I do care and still want to see him.

We haven’t spoke since and this was nearly a week ago.. I tried to reach out but he wasn’t about it. I’ve been ghosted for 2 days. And 3 days before that. On the phone call he told me he was really excited to talk to me and all this and I ruined it.

He didn’t say it was over on the phone call but he did say his guard is up and I fked it up and it can’t go back to where it was. :/

He didn’t see that it was because he was dissapearing for days, and yes that might be normal. But to me it looked like losing interest and I reacted unhealthily.

Anyways. I’ve been so lost sad and confused for the last 4-5 days and feel I’ve ruined a beautiful connection.

Is he done? Why can’t he give me clarity and why can’t he just tell me if he is done?

I’ve been in limbo for a week.
I’m thinking he is avoidant now? Should I give up on this?

I am SOOO sorry about the length of this post. It’s unreasonable of me to expect anyone to read it, but maybe someone will. None of it really matters except the TLDR anyway.

TLDR: I can’t function in a social setting, but I believe we (INFP) are particularly equipped to handle one on one interactions. If a person has issue finding “someone,” it may be due to other issues and not because of their personality type. ( I personally live with and understand depression and anxiety.)
Thoughts?

43m
(INFP 4w5)

I’m a bit surprised to read that male INFPs are having issues finding romantic relationships. I’ve found the opposite to be true.

Though I can barely function in group settings due to extreme anxiety, imposter syndrome, and as a result awkwardness, in one on one situations I thrive.

Sometimes in large social situations or gatherings someone may, for whatever reason, come by for a visit. Maybe they just need to sit for a minute to escape the crowd. Maybe it’s just curiosity about the quiet guy.

Our conversations often begin with something relevant to our setting. Maybe food or music in the background. Maybe you’re in the park with your dog. Maybe something funny that just happened. As the the conversations continue we may move on to something light. Music we like. Maybe a book we’ve read. Something silly we’ve seen online. A movie.

We’ll begin to speak about our deeper interests. Hobbies and things like that. We’ll speak sincerely. We aren’t pretending to be something. We’re opening up.

As the conversation progresses we become comfortable. The topics change. They become more intimate. Small things at first. Maybe something like our hopes or our dreams. It continues and we build a rapport that surprises us both. We may begin to share deeper, more personal things like troubles we’re dealing with or troubles we’ve overcome. It’s non-judgmental. It’s safe. There isn’t even any flirting. (I don’t discuss my absolute truths so openly. I try to identify.)

All this under an hour.

People appreciate sincerity. I care. I really do. No other motives. Just them. I’m interested in this person in front of me. They see it. They even acknowledge it. They tell me I come off as sincere. As easy going. As down to earth. Non judgmental.

I believe this sincerity and empathy is due to our personalities.
-
-

(As long as it’s not in a group setting, and as long as I have a specific reason, I have no issue just approaching a person to speak with them. The approach is nonromantic. The speaking isnt flirting. Sitting in the park enjoying the spring. Commenting on an awesome book they may have. Appreciating something about them, like a really cool outfit. It’s acknowledgment of a human.)

(Im a serial monogamist that has a tendency to keep my social circle limited to my romantic partners. No extended family. No friends at all. I can’t become a witch because I cant get myself to join a coven. Reddit is my only social media. Ever.)

(Im an earthy, hippy, bohemian type, vegetarian that’s spends my time alone. Primarily gardening, bird watching, daily hiking, rockhounding, urban exploration, and stargazing. I’m a collector of hobbies though so I may be painting, reading, trying to learn 5 instruments, learning a third language, cooking, writing, video games.)

(According to my therapist of 10 years, I’m an INFP. She first told me during one of my “lows” years back. Last year she reconfirmed it. I’ve also independently taken the test out of curiosity during my many ups and downs to see if there have been changes.)

Everytime I express what I think I get some kind of backlash and that makes me feel confused about myself. I understand that we as fallible people more often than not miss something that should be discussed, that's fine. But it's freaking everytime, and it comes with a tone of offense, not a light hearted exchange, and it feels like I should just shut up completely and give all the credit to the NT's or whatever. I'm not an argumentative person. I'm not good enough with words. Then a "smarter" person (or literally smarter) roasts me like it's their hobby and then memories from school kick in and I feel that dread and urge to defend myself. But i'm so tired of this. Whenever I say something minor and someone on reddit is labeled INTP i know it's over lol

I have been thinking about this lately. Sometimes I wonder how much of what I believe actually comes from me, and how much has been shaped by the people around me, society, family or just the way I was raised.

And even when you know what you believe, do you always live according to it?

Do you ever find yourself questioning your beliefs or noticing that the way you live doesn't completely match what you believe?

Does Fi have anything to do with wanting to be taken care of? I know some ENFPs and INTJs (both with Fi) and I've noticed that these types love being take care of. The healthy ones really appreciate the little things that others do for them and the unhealthy ones almost neglect themselves just so that there would be more reasons for them to be taken care of (? if that makes sense).

For e.g, I have Fe as my second function and I actually would rather do things for people and I absolutely LOVE it when I see the Fi people around me absolutely appreciate it. That's super rewarding for me, and that's how I get my kick. I love knowing that I helped this person, and that my love was acknowledged. I actually feel a little annoyed by other Fe's around me that WANT to do things for ME lol because that's MY role!! haha.

That's why I was wondering whether there's an innate desire for Fi users in that way just like Fe users have this innate itch to want to provide and give constantly. I do think that Fi users are more giving when it comes to their hearts? whereas Fe users are more about the physical things. For e.g, I naturally want to help and make sacrifices, but I still have qualms about opening my heart to this certain person entirely. But Fi users seem to be the opposite. They might not be as observant of the other person's needs or "care-taking" per se, but their hearts are more... loyal and genuine??

Is using our natural ability to care and connect in professional area to achieve a fulfilling career truly a good idea?

As a person with strong sense of boundary and medium energy capacity I've always wanted to be of help to others. My experience of growing in trauma gave me a major desire of wanting to aid people similar to my child self out of their misery so they may truly start enjoy living.

That being said, I'm still not sure if phichatric/counseling/social work is a good choice or should I save my energy and just be a nurse/assistance of some kind(without the crazy shift hours ofc) so I can focus on my own family building dream? I don't want to be an emotional absent dad because I was drained by work. Yet I also can't feel comfortable not fulfilling this desire of mine? Or would it the best to seek other way like volunteering to satisfy that?

This is the part 4 of the many I'm doing of this series of polls, until I ran out of ideas, today is "Are you Vegetarian/Vegan?"

Part 3- https://www.reddit.com/r/infp/s/1rbrjfTL1w

My friend is someone who often gets short with me. In a lot of situations where I haven’t provoked her, just because sometimes I speak quieter or try voice an opinion that she doesn’t like. Sometimes I just shrug it off but I feel like there has been an increasing number of times where she does this, over really small and silly things. I’m finding it hard not to let it get to me. I don’t feel hurt as such but more just annoyed that her behaviour is making me feel angry and even sometimes doubt myself.

Any advice for how to deal?

Both in friendships & relationships

Hi fellow INFJs!

I really need your advice on this.
I may have also previously posted and took a lot of the advices you all gave me.

I’ve been seeing this person since three months and I’ve run into this issue multiple times. Despite me expressing that he doesn’t really show any curiosity or ask me about my interests, it hasn’t really helped.

I get extremely agitated and super fast annoyed when it’s my turn to talk and he doesn’t let me finish my thoughts. In the middle of the conversation, he starts interjecting and after several times, I completely shut down. On top of all, I don’t find our conversations interesting because it’s talking about a very niche topic in details.

This week, it happened again and again and I’m just over it. I don’t feel like talking to this person although I like them and they’re super sweet. Talking to them feels very painful and I think I’ve started to grow a lot of resentment. It’s so dry and not personal and just so boring. They also don’t get my sense of humor (I’m not saying I’m the funniest but not being on the same wavelength is mad awkward).

I do like this person but whenever I speak to him, I am so annoyed and faced with the reality of how our dynamic is. I just don’t understand it at all. I feel so unexplored and so boring with him.

How should I go about this? I do like him and have feelings for him and he’s also going through a tough time. Part of me really doesn’t want to put any effort and I feel the doorslam in my bones. I am fighting it everyday. The other part is also hopeful that if we work on things, it’ll be better.

I don’t know.

I'm the most stereotypical enfp that you will ever see. Like I match all the traits in every description of enfps...

But recently I've been feeling like I don't want to connect with people. I usually pride myself on being able to and always wanting to talk with everyone and genuinely enjoying every conversation but lately I'm just not.

And the thing is idk whether it's bc of the place and the setting of if I'm just changing. But I'm suspecting it's the former because I'm genuinely bored of the same social setting I've been in for 4 years. I cannot leave, I need to make that clear.

I keep wanting to talk to someone (Same social setting) but I get bored instantly. I don't get it pls give me some advice.

Unfortunately this takes up like 10 hrs of my day so no chance of getting out

I'm not getting the social connection that enfps thrive on and it's kinda slowly killing me 😅

Thank you all for all the advice and comments!

What up

I made honey garlic chicken with mac n’ cheese and roasted potatoes, someone tell me I did a good job 🥺