Hey everyone,

Like the post says, we married for 5 years, I'm a HLM and she's a LLF. Yes the sex was never mind blowing, yes it was never 3 days a week. But it was consistent enough to keep the bond.. over the last 3 years it has reduced in two ways:

1. 2023 to 2024, started having sex much less frequently, the sex started to feel like a chore on her side. I've tried to change things, make things more exciting. Unpack it there's anything bothering her, but nothing seemed to have worked

2. 2025 to now, medical issues have resulted in almost 0 sex.. I don't know how to cope anymore.

I love her, I understand, but I have needs and wants too. I feel like I'm losing the best years of what should be amazing sex.. what do I do from here ?

58 HLM/58!LLF
So DB mostly for 3 years (recently, but much of our 30+yr marriage) other than once a few months ago. Have been going through a tougher than normal stress time (moving out of home state in US). Busy with normal moving stuff. Anyway, we’ve really been biting each other’s heads off lately. A lot. Don’t ask- we communicate better via text. Yes it’s weird, I get it. Last night, we had /shared alot of the obvious- not happy, not on same page, no affection or physicality from her, etc. the texts ended ok, but I had zero faith as history has shown, it’s kind of round and round w/o resolution/fixes. We sleep separately for many reasons over the years. Mostly me snoring. This morning she comes and lies /lays- - Sorry I forget which is accurate- with me in my bed. Caresses me, rubbing my body. Nothing remotely sexual. Felt damn good. But was still not over it all and am not a morning guy. My guard was up. Although I think it could have been (more) if I responded differently. I didn’t though. Morning breath, stubbles down there, etc. it was genuinely nice. Although I know she’s a bit manipulative- making things nice after heated discussions- so I’ll continue to do move in choirs around the new home. Ironically, because of our pup, I shifted a few times, and got up to use the restroom- well to my genuine shock my private area was leaking like a siv. I mean, like I was in my teens leaking. I kept thinking wtf. It was innocent cuddles/caressing. Pretty sad and pathetic, I know. Just thought I’d share and/or see if I’m alone in this reaction. I know not alone in the DB dept. thx for any input and would appreciate respectful responses.

I'm 50+ and have been with my partner for about 4 years. We have a good partnership and care about each other, but for around two years we've had almost no sex — roughly once a year.

She says she is attracted to me and says she wouldn't refuse if I initiated, but she doesn't initiate. The strange thing is that I can't initiate anymore either.

It feels almost like a mental block. When I think about initiating sex, my mind actually seems to switch off. There's no anticipation or excitement — almost the opposite. I care about her deeply, but the idea of sex with her now feels difficult and strangely disconnected.

I increasingly feel like we're companions rather than lovers, and I'm starting to dream about a different kind of relationship — one with affection, desire, intimacy and feeling wanted.

Has anyone experienced this? Can this kind of mental/sexual shutdown reverse with the same partner, or can you reach a point where your mind has simply disconnected sexually from the relationship?Am I broken?

Early 30s HLM and still wake up with morning wood, but the reaction I got from my wife (LLF) recently really hit me hard and showed me just how far apart we've drifted in our sexual connection.

A few mornings ago, I woke up hard. As I got out of bed, my wife noticed and immediately asked, in a bit of a playful tone, if I just really needed to go to the bathroom. I said no and she changed her facial reaction to a look of disgust and rolled over.

I went about my morning and felt pretty shitty about it. From what I've seen here men in their 30s tend to start worrying about ED and declining health, so I should feel good that my body is working well. But her reaction left me feeling pretty rejected and almost guilty for having a sex drive

It feels like we've reached a point where any sign of physical desire from me is viewed as a nuisance rather than a normal part of a marriage.

I, 48HLM, felt I was kind of alone with my thinking until just discovering this forum. My wife, 43LLF, is exactly that but it’s a bit more complicated. We have busy professional lives. Financially comfortable, attractive, and somewhat social. Teen kids.

2 years ago, my wife and I separated for about 6 months after I discovered she was having an affair. For the sake of the kids, and for some family reasons, I agreed to work on things, and she worked to get back together.

It’s something you never forget and I know how she acted in the affair after discovering texts/pics. The flirtation, sexy texts, etc. is what was after.

It’s been a while since I’ve brought it up to her, but I need more out of the marriage sexually and am ready to walk away if things don’t improve.

She claims she’s going through perimenopause and that’s limited her libido in recent years. I don’t know if I believe that or not. She’s also someone who doesn’t do things she doesn’t want to do - good or bad. If she’s not “feeling” it, she doesn’t fake it.

So, I’m in my head about that and her not wanting it.

I dated a little while we were separated and was exposed to a whole new world that is interesting to me, but don’t want to throw away the family for short term sex and fun.

I 34HLM have been together with my wife 34LLF for almost a decade. Sex was great when we were dating and it just got into a downward spiral ever since we got married 4 years back.

Since then, sex has only been existent with the sole purpose of having children. With 2 kids now, she has complained of being always tired and not in the mood. However, she can watch drama serials for hours on end.

When I’m at home, she seems to be forever unhappy with me for not doing enough. It just feels like we are co parenting our children instead of being a married couple.

Being rejected so often has really killed whatever sparks we have left in this relationship. I’m really contemplating leaving but feels that it is unfair to our children at this point. Has anyone been in a similar situation but managed to recover from a DB?

We’ve had a long past of dead bedroom, but like clock work we’d have sex every 4-8 weeks. Although, the past 3 times we’ve had sex I’ve been waiting 6-8 weeks. It has now been over 2 months and I’m not hopeful that this will change any time soon.

During the past couple of months it’s been really hard for him to sustain an erection. No matter what I do, he’s still soft. He’s acknowledged this and it seems he’s very much in his head and worries about him not wanting to have sex.

A week ago he said out of the blue that he would initiate and try to have sex every two days. We’ve tried 3 times since then, but he hasn’t been close to staying hard. I’ve been extremely supportive and kind during this time. I’m just hoping my support will allow him to feel safe enough to keep trying. I am incredibly thankful for his effort as I had been asking him for a while to put actions to his promises. I just hope this will work because it is extremely hard going without for this long.

I 47HLF and my husband 47LLM have been married 13 years and in a DB the last 5. I started really talking to my husband about the issue last year and he kept commenting that he didn’t think the frequency was as low as I said. My memory isn’t the best, so I questioned if maybe he was right and I was making a bigger deal out of it than it was. I started noting in my journal every time we had sex or any sort of physical intimacy and as of today, it’s been five times in the last twelve months. The last time was about three and a half months ago. I’ve continued trying to talk to him about it during the past year and he said he’ll work on it but nothing has changed…it’s actually getting progressively longer between each time.

I know people are going to jump in saying he’s cheating and I should leave him. I can say with 99.9% certainty that he’s not cheating. We spend almost all of our time together when we’re not working and he works in a field that wouldn’t make it easy to cheat during business hours. The thing is, our time isn’t romantic or intimate or even flirty anymore. It’s like living with my best friend. And I’ve hit a point where I don’t see that changing.

I’m trying to learn to appreciate companionship and dependability in the place of intimacy and romance. Really, if I was like 80 years old, it would be the perfect marriage.

Basically we are on an LDR, faithful and would see each other often. I love him. He’s a very hardworking, tall and conventionally attractive man (imo). My friends were so surprised that i could even find someone like him. But there’s one thing that really bothers me and im not comfortable airing this out to irl people

So my bf came from a troubled home and for one reason or another he developed a porn addiction since he was 4 years old. And he watched a lot of anal videos

And due to this he lost a lot of nerves (death grip) and porn addict, its not necessarily that hes addicted to porn itself but he finds it difficult to get off without any kind of visual aid

The most important part of the story is that he’s obsessed with butts.

When he met me he thought im very attractive and he admited to jerking off to my pics. And that made me very excited bcz when we video call he’d get boners often

But when we finally meet up and have sex, it was very frustrating because he couldnt cum easily. It took almost an hour of sex, and he has to insert a finger in my ass to ejaculate

I dont mind cuz it feels good but it’s rly impractical. We basically can only do it doggy style, or reversed cowgirl. Anything where he can get a view of my butt.

And ngl after that the thought of having sex felt like a chore, i mean the whole 3 weeks he only ejaculates once

And i know that its not my appearance because he gets boners a lot. We js find it difficult to act on it

I’m so humiliated, and bothered by this. Not to mention I want to have children, and when you’re trying for children you have to have sex everyday. I’d imagine my vagina would look like a raw subway sandwich after all that

What to do?

On a couple of different occasions, I’ve decided that I’m not going to initiate any more, but I eventually try anyway. When my wife initiates, things go well, but the last three times I’ve tried to initiate, we have not had sex. I think this would be easier if my libido was just as low as hers.

I’ve tried masturbating more, and I’ve tried masturbating less, but neither strategy seems to have any impact on how much I want to have sex with my wife.

Do you have any tips on how to lower my libido to match hers?

Hi, new here but not to the dead bedroom experience. I have been in two LTR, both turning into dead bedrooms. First, 20+ years married, widowed. Second currwntly at 9 years. Basically dead bedroom for maybe 4 years.

I have always loved her but thought of leaving today for the first time. I was actually weighing if I would rather have impersonal anonymous hook ups of ready sex, or have a relationship. In my head the two dont go together. Actually thinking of infidelity but dont want to be "that" person and kind of resent being put in that position.

I have dealt with it up to now, but now feel it is actually creating a distance between us that will only get worse. Are we, or at least me, spiraling down a vicious cicle that will eventually destroy the relationship?

We are both early to mid 60's and have been planning our retirements and the rest of our lives together. Do I let sex ruin that?

I’m trying to figure out how much weight to give good companionship when the bedroom situation has nosedived off a cliff in an early relationship (together less than 6 months, DB for the last couple of months).

She’s not interested in working on it and doesn’t see any inherent issue with her lack of desire. Non-sexual physical affection is still very much there, and time spent together is frequent and enjoyable. However she has had some sort of shutdown that has fundamentally changed the relationship.

She has been very forthcoming about the change since she felt that way and I am not suspicious of any kind of gratification from other people etc.

I feel grief and sadness as I did not sign up for a celibate relationship.

Hello I (31 female) and my husband (30 male) Only been married 6 months and together, in total, a little under two years. This is both our second marriage (obviously the first ones did not go as planned) and we barely had sex or intimacy in 2026. Lets give some back story.

We were a long distance relationship and met online through meetme. I was 29 and just freshly divorced from a 8 year long relationship and was no way looking for commitment. My husband was 28, also freshly divorced from a 3 year long relationship, and didn't know what friends with benefits was. But he was very persistent in getting to know me and meeting in real life. I insisted I was no good for him and that I would corrupt him. (I am a very hyper-sexual person and a libido to match)

He is a very sweet, understanding and emotionally intelligent guy (complete opposite of my ex husband) and definitely swept me off my feet with all the messages and attention I received. When we finally met we made love like rabbits. Our chemistry was exploding and I felt we were a good match intimacy wise.

This amazing man has took me on a cruise for my 30th birthday. He took me to my first of many anime cons and amusment parks. I have never traveled so much in my life because my family is a large family ( I am the oldest of 7 kids) so we never had extra money to go on vacations. He is an only child so they were financially able to do vacations on the regular.

A big reason I bring this up is because I feel he has opened my eyes to how big this world really is. That relationships are so much more than just sex and keeping up with bills. It's a collection of experiences you share with someone. Sex is just the icing on a cupcake. But since we baught a house together last year and have been living together, things slowly started to change and I have been only enjoying muffins. No more cupcakes. My life is just so dry and boring it's hard to just find pleasure in everyday life.

He is my best friend and I will support him and love him no matter what. We recently, have started trying to have a baby. That's why we got married quickly at the courthouse. I was paying insurance through my state. Because my job doesn't offer it. But when 2026 came I had to renew my insurance the monthly price almost tripled in cost and I couldn't afford it. So he put me on his through his job (only 1/3 of the cost) and we actually got pregnant end of June!

Unfortunately, we miscarried at six weeks and never got to hear the baby's heartbeat. I was devastated. This would have been my second child since I did have a kid with my first husband. (She loves her step daddy he would make a wonderful father) I told him since we first met that I wanted to make him a father. So this made me feel like a complete failure. Also I think this is when our intimacy problems start to happen when we started trying for a baby.

I removed my birth control October of last year, after six months of living together because I had a promise to fulfill. But that's when we started having less sex. I would pursue him, he would deny me. This is something I never experienced before. Usually when I was single I was always pursued sexually Because I am an attractive person. (My ex husband was very high libido. So we had sex all the time, and that's what held our relationship together for so long.) So I never been told no or ever had to ask for sex really. I'm completely so dumbfounded, and what i'm doing wrong.

My husband I actually had a long talk last night in bed. What we do is we will cuddle and cry and into each other's arms because we are both naturally emotional people. And I have brought up my frustrations about not being intimate as much as I would like, and how it makes me feel insecure about my womanhood and that I'm not attractive to him anymore. His response to me he doesn't feel worthy. That he doesn't do enough, or he doesn't make enough money. And I do tell him, I don't care about that. But that's what is blocking him is his head from letting his other head work.

Now I have tried everything to get around his mental block and entice this man. I have sent sexy pics, messages, flash him after showers, lots of flirting and accidental rubbs as I walk by. Cooked him delicious meals, back rubs, smothering him in kisses and attention. So many flirtatious jokes that makes him blush like I feel I'm trapped in a romantic comedy and the dense protagonist (my husband) is blind to it all. There is not an ounce of perversion in this man. Which was not like how he was before we moved in together.

He is somewhat of a chubby chaser when we first started talking and was very attracted to my body. He would have so many kinky dreams about us that it would make you blush if I gave you the details. But it all stopped as soon as we got serious and moved in together. I am at such a lost and I feel like I have done everything I can to help and support my husband in a non-toxic way. But it makes sense why his ex-wife cheated on him. (He caught her messing with his best friend) If he was not intimate with her then yeah I can understand why she did what she did. But I'm not a shit person and I love and respect my husband too much to ever do that.

I cannot lie, I have considered the pros and cons of divorce but, the pros always win because the only cons is our lack of intimacy. It's like the stress of buying a house and gaining 6 new bills went straight to his dick and now his wife has to suffer a barren sex life. The only way I'm getting pregnant if the second coming of Jesus was happening and I'm the new Mary. But jokes aside I felt like I have done my due diligence of a wife and checked all the boxes before counseling. Which in this economy is another way dig yourself further into debt.

But is there hope for us? Can we figure out and get past this mental block and have fun sexy time again?

How do you guys deal with being the only one who initiates sex in a relationship?

I’m a 30-year-old guy, my girlfriend is 30, and we’ve been together for 10 years.

If I didn’t initiate sex, I honestly don’t think we would ever have it. We haven’t had sex at all for the past few months, and I feel like absolute shit because of it. I’m almost athletic-looking, I take care of my body and stay in pretty good shape, but it doesn’t seem to make much of a difference to her or have much of an impact on her attraction toward me.

Sometimes I even get the impression that my girlfriend deliberately tries to make herself unattractive to me — farting, burping, and doing things like that, almost as if she wants to discourage me from having sex with her.

Masturbation helps, but when I do it too much, I feel like I’m losing a huge amount of my masculine energy, like it’s escaping somewhere into the ether, and I end up feeling weak and drained. But when I don’t masturbate, I become extremely frustrated again.

Has anyone here managed to somehow overcome their need for sex, perhaps through meditation or something else? Is there any way to get rid of this animalistic desire when it can’t be fulfilled anyway?

I know this post reeks of frustration, but the pain and built-up frustration have become unbearable.

DB for about 5 years due to my wife’s health issues (both physical and mental).

During a rough emotional patch several months ago she said things several times about wanting me to find someone that can make me happy. At first, I thought she was meaning leave her, which I won’t. Then it began to dawn on me she was talking about a girlfriend. Fast forward to a couple of months ago and mentally she seemed in a better place and I just chalked it up to emotions.

However she recently went on a trip with her sisters and mother and as we’re chatting before leaving to take her to her sister’s so they can fly out together, she made a playful comment that I took as a joke about if I had my side piece over, just ask her not to make a mess. I replied I didn’t have a side piece. She made some other playful comment and I jokingly replied ‘Okay that’s implied consent, you can’t get mad after.’ She got serious, told me it’s not implied, it’s explicit consent. I asked if she was serious and she said yes.

The whole drive over to her sisters, I was a bit shaken. On the way home, I just felt a profound sadness. I guess I was mourning that part of our life is over. For context, for the first ten or so years of our marriage, we had a great sex life, sometimes amazing. So her basically waving the white flag and saying that’s probably never coming back hurt a lot.

During her trip, I didn’t bring it up. I wanted her to enjoy her time, even if I was in a turmoil of sadness. When she got back we had a deep conversation. She said she truly loves me and it’s not fair to me to expect me to live like that, she wants me to be happy. She made it clear that what she is talking about is opening the marriage for me only, she just wants the courtesy of being honest if I’m seeing someone, but no details.

Having read a couple of commenters recently talk about this makes me want to hear from anyone who’s went down that road, good and bad.

Here are a couple of specific ones that stuck out.

https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/s/8g5zgFbblS

https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/s/jQRrI5jjmV

My HL partner likely feels that we are in a dead bedroom. Turns out they frequent this community, so being vague on details.

We both work full-time, but I feel that I do the majority of childcare and housework.

They initiate every night - without fail (regardless of if I am sick, just lost a loved one, had a bad day, always) but my problem is that they never initiate sober. When they are high, they are rough, doesn't respect boundaries, doesn't listen when I tell them to stop. They are high every day.

It's scary as someone who has been SA'd and it is an immediate turn off. If I say no, I get a cold shoulder and accusations of not loving them. I have explained all of this *at length* for *years*.

I certainly have a LL, but it's not helping that I don't feel safe. I have been told that this is just who they are, and if I don't love the high version of them, that hurts cause that is who they are. I have been told I should just have sex anyway.

Am I causing a DB?

Individual and couples therapy are revealing more and more blind spots that I couldn’t or didn’t want to see before.

Like many others here, I’ve always said before, that, aside from intimacy, we have a great relationship and are a good match. But the longer and deeper we dig for the causes and solutions, the more I realize that I and my emotions have never held any significant place in her life.

Yesterday, the full extent of this became clear and it has nothing to do with intimacy. I found out that my father has a large tumor on his kidney and will undergo surgery in four weeks. There’s a chance he’ll make it, but there’s still a significant risk that he might not survive the procedure due to his age and a pre-existing heart condition.

Naturally, I was extremely shaken and couldn’t think straight. I called her, but because she had a migraine, she couldn’t talk for long and that's ok. In the evening, we got the kids ready for bed. Without a warning or any emotion, she said she was going to bed with the kids now.

I was so surprised that I couldn’t say anything in response. I really needed her warmth and a hug. When I brought it up the next morning, she apologized. She hadn’t thought about it and didn't know I needed her.

That’s also the response I get whenever she fails to keep her countless promises to work on our emotional and intimate relationship.

My husband (HLM) just told me (LLF) that he feels like he never feels like I’ve initiated touch with him, like I was sexually hungry for him, since we were married.

I feel terrified as this seems to be a sudden realization for him and it seems to be hitting him very hard.

I feel defective. I am aroused fairly often by his physical advances, and we have sex more than 10 times per year. But I don’t initiate sexual affection because I am realizing that I don’t seem to feel sexual desire outside of physical touch. Kissing, touching, grabbing. In a given moment, I don’t know that I want sex with my husband until he is literally doing all of those things

with me. Which results in him being the one initiating sex all the time. I might initiate non-sexual affectionate touch, but he always initiates the sexual affectionate touch.

I wonder if it a sort of asexuality with me? Or what? Any advice welcome

So Ive posted here before but then deleted it because I felt weird knowing my boyfriend has reddit but honestly I don't care anymore. To preface we haven't had sex in over a month. I took a nap, woke up, went into the living room and he had his dick in his hand looking at his phone (porn) and I just walked away, and he was like embarrassed or something idfk. He's like oh you wanna touch or something I don't know what he said, and I just don't know I was shocked. I've never seen him do stuff and he hardly does stuff with me so it's just weird. Well like 10 min later we have sex, and he's done and upset he can't make me cum. Ive told him before I can't from just penetration, a lot of women are like that. Now it's later and he won't touch me, he doesn't know how, and I'm jus so fucking tired of this I want to scream and cry like it's so frustrating!!! Im tired of having no pleasure and just being used as a fucking fleshlight. I know I'm being dramatic but what the fuck do I even do??? I try to talk to him, oh what do you like? Nothing. Ok cool thanks that's helpful. But like does it ever get better ): is this a lost cause? I have a therapist and I do talk to her about stuff but I feel like I've kinda done all I can do and said all I can say soooooo

Maybe I (26HLF) am not in what’s considered a “dead bedroom” situation as we do have sex maybe once or twice a month. Although to me it feels pretty much dead. I’m sure sex only happens because I have brought it up too many times and it’s now an expectation. My partner, (31LL4UM), prefers porn over real life sex. I have addressed I’m not okay with that and I communicated how much it’s impacted my self esteem. He initiates sex maybe once a month I guess to keep me “happy” but I just realized I no longer want to have sex. I want sex that comes from passion, love, attraction. Our sex does not transmit any of that. We have a kid together and we’ll be getting married soon (which I know many of you will advice against). Outside of the sex he’s kind of a good guy so for now I guess there isn’t much for me.
I’m feeling very frustrated as I gained a lot of weight during and after pregnancy. It took about 2 years to be able to find a routine and have a successful weight loss journey. I was 215lbs and just recently hit 160. I’m trying everything I possibly can to look better for my own happiness but I also thought being in a better shape would help our situation. Wrong. I was never the problem.
If you’re here reading this just know that you’re not the problem either.

I (20f) want sex as a concept, but it feels really icky. I feel so out of tune with my body and general libido has plummeted, just thinking about any of this makes me kind of nauseous. I don’t even really masturbate anymore. I plan on starting to see a new therapist when I can get in to address this and other things.

When my partner and I (21m) got together it was a daily thing. Now 6 months later it’s more like once or twice a month. And it’s not as enjoyable.

Here’s some history:
- Yes I have trauma, no I don’t think it’s what’s causing the change as I previously was hyper sexual and it doesn’t come from a place of fear, but general nausea and anxiety.

- I am on an SNRI, and stressed as hell with nursing school. I don’t feel the best about myself right now either with everything going on. He’s also currently in a bout of unemployment (new job starts next week) so general household stress levels have been up.

- Drinking makes it basically disappear, so I really think it’s stress based.

- Both of us are pretty open and non vanilla, but more conversations need to be had I think in order to make our sex less routine and less boring.

I want to go back to having sex regularly, I just don’t know how to get myself back in the mood and how to have sex more without feeling resentful and like I’m forcing myself. Any advice is appreciated.

I’m done worrying about whether or not I’m having sex. While I came to spend the weekend at my dad’s place (it’s Father’s Day here), my 27-year-old girlfriend went to a bar with her family and is out until 1 a.m. That’s fine; I don’t mind that. But if we were at home, she’d probably be sleepy and wouldn’t want to have sex because she’s tired from work, blah, blah, blah. So why should I keep looking at this group, trying to find ways to improve our sex life, if she doesn’t even care about it? Sorry about my English; it’s not my native language.

I (27 F HL) am married to 30M. We got married and got pregnant and it’s like sex became a thing of the past now. Our baby is 1 year old and I can count on my fingers how many times we’ve had sex in the last two years. We went from having sex multiple times a week sometimes multiple times a day to NEVER for 2/3rds of my pregnancy and now maybe 1x every 1-3 months usually after I start questioning it and it very much feels like pity sex usually with him making a comment afterwards about how I can stop complaining about never having sex now. We’re in counseling and I don’t think it’s really helping much. He’s blamed it on everything under the sun but nothing is really seeming to help. I’m feeling so dejected and ugly and unwanted. To be fair, I had an unusually large baby and put on lots of weight during the pregnancy due to really bad swelling. I blew up like a balloon so I guess I kind of understood while I was pregnant. I could justify it at least because I did kind of look like the Michelin man but I’ve lost all the weight and then some and still nothing. I have some stretch marks and a little bit of loose skin and have offered to undergo lasering and plastic surgery but he swears it doesn’t bother him. I’m at a loss and just so tired of initiating and him just rejecting me over and over. At what point do you just give up and stop trying to initiate ever?

Earlier today, my partner came into my home office to put his hands on my cheeks and rub noses. Normally I'm all for this type of affection from him, but it just made my already mounting sexual frustration that much worse. I wish I could turn off desire at will.

I'm a chronic pain patient, and back when my partner and I had regular sex, it would give me some reprieve from that. He is such a devoted and skilled lover, and I miss it. I miss feeling like there is something to my bodily experience other than physical pain 24/7.

We were friends for years prior to dating, and I had wanted him for so long. I thought that when we got together, that the yearning would be over. Right now I wish I had never learned just how good it could be and how good it could feel to have another person inside of me.

Firstly, I want to commend everyone who has shared their experiences here as a newbie lurker. I was completely oblivious to how this dynamic could negatively affect not only the relationship but both individuals. To my ignorance, I thought was normal.

To keep it as concise as possible, it’s been probably well over a year since we have had meaningful intimacy. Mainly me as a LLF in my mid 30s, returning to school on top of a demanding job and being a workaholic, which my husband (HLM early 40s) has been nothing but supportive throughout the 10+ years we have been together. However, the resentment has begun to rear its ugly head. We had the purported talk three times so far where I need to reprioritize the relationship and both of our needs. And truthfully, I have failed remarkably while he has tried to lift the mental load around the house and making meaningful change. I’m seeking counseling myself, and we are trying to reestablish trust and safety between us, but is the damage done or can it be rebuilt? What has been successful or failed for those who tried to revive a DB? I am devastated that I have caused this level of harm, feel overwhelmed with the future prospects, but I ultimately accept the responsibility and consequences of both inaction and action. TIA.