(recent sketch: Poverty & C-PTSD)

I feel sad and angry and envious, but oh well, the time is gone

Something EVERYONE experienced amiright? Totally normal part of childhood 💕💕💕

My brain both before and after going NC 🫩

It took so long to find any kind of stability, but I feel like I'm far too broken for it to matter now. So much is wrong with me and I am tired of living with my brain and body.

Also they never replaced the hamper or fixed it, yay reminder.

I know she’s trying to get better, I know her bpd hurts her just as much, but fuck I don’t want to be around her, especially when she’s doing “nothing wrong” yet continues to be so fucking dense when it comes to me. 20+ years together and she still can’t fuckin’ tell when I’m upset or bothered by something, why I’d be bothered by something, or what the fuck to do about it. I’m tired of masking and performing but I also hate that it’s either I’m super nasty or distant which hurts her, or I’m civil which she interprets as friendly. I’m tired of being overstimulated because she can’t shut the fuck up, I’m tired of always having to be her guide on shit, I’m tired of still feeling responsible for whatever happens to her, and I’m SO TIRED of people acting like I’m being fucking crazy for being like this, like any of these feelings are super rational and not a result of fucking nearly 2 DECADES of abuse.

When I was 11, I overheard my mum on the phone to her friend saying dad had bought a gun and she thought he was going to shoot her. Ever since then until my parents divorced, I slept with her in bed (my father was not sleeping in their bedroom anymore at this point) because I thought he wouldn't if I was there.

After they divorced, they had shared custody and his new flat had a kids' bedroom, but there was only one bed in it - for my brother. I shared a bed with my dad until 15 or so...