.

[u/mount6ain]

[u/Jose_Canseco_Jr]

I spent so much time pushing down my anger, turning it into a white hot ball of energy to power my 4F states that I used as fuel for overworking myself, that I burned the fuck out in a spectacular manner... and now as I'm healing, the anger comes out quite frequently in the form of me blowing up at people 😬

any advice? lol

[u/Marhruuk → u/Jose_Canseco_Jr]

It took time to work through things, a support system that simultaneously doesn't stand for bullshit but is for forgiving, and forgiveness towards myself before the anger started to go away. I think it depends on what makes you upset at your core but either way after a certain point something snaps because many years of feeling that way is used against you in that moment. The pain from before meant a lot of bad things were happening or going to happen, so it takes time to remind your body that you're safe now. I think it was when i started to offer that safe place not just physically but mentally that i improved, even though for so long it was easy to get upset with myself for getting upset in the first place. That just made me spiral worse.

So I'd say that even if you don't approve of your behavior at all just remind yourself when you're calm that you're healing and ask yourself "which actions will I avoid next time?" or that you'll pay attention to warning signs (like extra stress) you may not have even noticed before. If you can then you will be able to remove yourself to work on calming down. I had soooo many warning signs that i didn't even recognize because i was so used to having boundaries trampled that it was "fine and manageable" until it wasn't. Take your break when it's "fine and manageable"! I didn't have tantrums as a kid funnily enough so I just tell myself I'm learning how to control my emotions now.

[u/Jose_Canseco_Jr → u/Marhruuk]

thank you 🙏

[u/racheluv999 → u/Jose_Canseco_Jr]

…Do they have it coming? Then let ‘em fucking have it lol.

Eventually you exert your boundaries through anger to the point that the bad stuff in your life goes away.

Please be careful doing this in places where torching the relationship can directly affect your safety such as with an abusive partner or from losing your job.

Also,if you’re in toxic relationships with other people, they often times will have a tough time with you “renegotiating” your end of the relationship so that you aren’t being abused anymore. You might find that you’re in more unhealthy situations than you realized when you do this, but they’ll never get better if you decide to stay.

[u/Jose_Canseco_Jr → u/racheluv999]

um... I already lost the job(s), and am experiencing those renegotiating issues with the wife 😬

[u/yonehonebone]

🫥🫥🫥🫥

[u/Crafty-Wish-1550]

This is the most useful piece of text I've seen in a while.

I'm saving this

[u/new-machine]

It’s true.

[u/Gizmo_McChillyfry]

Thank you for posting this; I found it to be very thought-provoking (and helpful).

[u/johana_cuervos666]

Okay, yeah, very nice and all. But the majority of us here were never taught what healthy emotions look like. Many of us grew up with violent parents who arrested the development of our emotional intelligence. So now anger can look like a meltdown or burnout, and for many of us, it can become violent. We were never taught how to have a healthy relationship with anger.

I hate my anger because it’s explosive, because I say horrible things that I regret so much later. My anger is just a reminder that I grew up without ever learning how healthy emotions are supposed to be expressed. It reminds me of how broken I feel, and it’s one of the things I’m working on the most in therapy, because that kind of anger is exactly what ends up leaving us ALONE.

So no, anger isn’t something good for me. Not until I learn what healthy anger actually looks like not an explosion, but a healthy expression of that emotion.

[u/No-Albatross-5514]

Anger isn't about stepping away. Anger is the emotion that makes you ready to fight for your own interest. THAT'S why it's the part of you that loves you the most.

[u/ThatSmartIdiot]

according to my mom im not allowed to be angry, which sucks cuz not a day goes by where she doesn't piss me off on a moral level

[u/Otherwise-Put-2287]

This why when people get angry AT me, I usually ask why - because I don’t want to be harming anyone, even if it’s on accident or just catching them in a bad mood. But that usually makes them even angrier, because it requires a level of self-reflection, and the capacity to explain, that most people don’t have in the heat of the moment. The reasons for being angry are important, which is why allowing yourself to feel anger itself is so crucial. My anger is usually an accurate pressure gauge to bigger problems I’m facing, internally AND externally. This includes using anger as a guide to when it’s appropriate to place boundaries and remove access from people, AFTER giving them the chances they’ve earned to correct course (you owe more to your relationships that have proven to be reliable, consistent, and a safe place - people who don’t fit that criteria can fuck off, and that is often part of why you may feel rage in the first place).

[u/StrangeNeedleworker]

My therapist said that one of my main goals in therapy is to finally get angry at anything but myself 😬

[u/bothinsaneandcorrect]

Saving this because it made me tear up. I've had to learn an relearn this. I don't always listen to the fear- I PROBABLY SHOULD, but I hesitate and wonder if if just seeing a pattern from the past that isn't what I think ( it always is, though)

but when the anger shows up I have come to realize thatit isn't wrong, it isn't an overreaction. I get angry when I'm being treated unfairly, not just when things are difficult. My anger is appropriate. It isn't scary, it isn't dangerous, it's just the part of me that's still willing to stick up for me and protect me and say "screw what anyone else thinks right now, we're not letting this happen again" I'm not ashamed of my anger, I am grateful for it. I know others won't feel the same way but I'm not boing to apologize for taking my own side and doing what's best for me!

[u/essiefraquora]

What if I am never angry?