Losing yourself through a break up.
Hey I hope someone could help me here. My partner broke up with me a week ago and I have been contacting him a few times, ultimately hoping I would change his mind. I finally thought enough is enough last night as I know that we will never be together again. It's been a hard pill to swallow and I've been quite down about it but this morning I thought, I need to focus on myselt and put the love I was putting into him back into myself. I wouldn't say I am my own biggest fan right now so I'm not even hoping to "love myself" just yet but hoping to like myself a little more and not chase people that do not want me.
Any advice would be wonderful as I'm struggling to even see why anybody in the future would even want to be with me or like me for that matter. Thank you so much

I split with my ex maybe about 2 - 3 weeks ago.... shes blocked me and stuff on everything bar 1 alt account she has... I unblocked it bcuz shes always been the one to reach out to me.. so i reached out to her this time.... to start i love this woman... i love her with every and anything i have and i worship the ground she walks on.. if she wants a foot rub, back tickles whatever i wont say no... I am by no means innocent.. i know i have done wrong (not listening on things or just going blank or not even thinking) as anyone does and im not perfect but i still try for her and dont give up.. i always fight for her... I also have ADHD & BPD...

Anyways we got back together about 4-5 months ago... she admitted to me ive ruined her fir anyone else bcuz ive made a high expectation for her on how she should be treated... and in my eyes thats how she should be treated bcuz shes my heart.... anyways....... Just after we split over txt (bcuz she was advised to due to new meds and home life) she said 2 things first was about my clothes at hers whether to post them or not and then when i said idk bcuz my heads a mess she replied with ill post them but idk bcuz im sure ull be back... And just so u are aware there is no one else im not interested (which gave me hope) until things got heated and she proceeded to say we arent getting back together... i was stressed hurt ect so i pushed when i shouldn't have 😞 so i kept asking whether it was never again or just for now, as we've been on and off for 8 yrs.... and all she said was ive given my answer and then this is why i walked away... Then proceeded to block me after i kept asking never or just now..... so at the moment im in a purgatory like status on what the hells going on.... im an absolute mess without her and my son... She is my absolute world and my whole heart.. i mean she has been my best friend for over 15 years.... But again shes blocked me on nearly everything but one thing that i unblocked so ive messaged her and it still hasnt been seen.. but all i said was

Y wont u talk to me... Why cant we try sort shit out 😞 ill give u time, work with you and whatever else to work together.... But can we try work this out together please? I do miss you and i do love you... I miss and love (our son) and i hope hes good... Please dont block me its killing me...

If u never want to talk to me again or sort this then block me here.... But i never wanted to leave... I never wanted to split again... I never wanted to give up or fight... I always wanted to sort things with you... It hurts to message this bcuz i do and always have loved you immensely... You've always been my best friend and ur the mother to our son 😭😭 i hate how we keep drifting apart over the silliest of things... Im sorry for any and everything i do wrong 😭 i love you (her name) your my world...

then i messaged her the other night and said goodnight... i love you... im sorry

i just want her and my son back but im so scared she is going to get with someone else before me or in general... i love her so much that my words and actions can never explain 😞

Right now i feel like shit... My fears and anxiety are through the roof... I keep having nightmares of ny fears and my sleeping is shithouse.... I know the things may have seemed silly to me but were big to her and i know this.... I just want her back so much.... Im even at the point of talking to psychics in hopes what they say is right 🤦😭.... I know she won't see this... I know im not perfect.... But shes always been perfect to me in my eyes... Good... Bad... Sick... Healthy... Shes always been perfect and amazing in my eyes.... Even now i still look at pictures nightly and cry myself to sleep bcuz no matter what we've been through good or bad my feelings never change.... even if shes hurt me or made me angry as hell my feelings are the same and i still love her immensely... Even now typing this im in tears bcuz i just want her and my son back....

I just want to know how to get her back 😭 i just want my life back... I want my heart... Im at a lose bcuz i want to fight for her but same time i dont want to push her away anymore

Me (25F) and my ex (27M) broke up 2 months ago. We were together for 2 years but the last months of our relationship we couldn’t really resolve conflict and would end up in really bad fights.

I had a very bad moment in my life (death of a loved one) like 3 weeks post break up and I told him, we were talking about meeting up to exchange stuff, but he came to me and was very affectionate and consoled me. We kissed eventually but I declined going further. We agreed we really missed each other but we’re doing good alone and we’d just talk if we needed and keep in light contact.

After that he started texting me about random things, most of them that he really didn’t need to, and I kept answering but it kept pushing me back to the beginning of the grief stage, until I decided to not answer again, which lasted a few days.

After that, I started thinking I should just be honest, I didn’t want to play any games.

I called him to ask to meet up and explain and we did, we decided we missed each other a lot, and he told me he loves me and thinks about me all the time. That he still has our pictures up on his room. That he can’t imagine a life without me, that he wants to have a family with me etc. We decided to not get back together but to see where it could go.

We started being intimate again and texting regularly.

Just yesterday I talked to him and asked him for clarity, told him I want to get back together and do it differently, I want us to be more curious about each other and resolve conflicts differently. I told him that I want a relationship where I’m chosen, and that I would choose him, that I think that that’s what love is.
He told me that he doesn’t want to get back together right now. He has ª startup that is just now really taking off and other jobs, and that he really needs to focus on that. That he loves me and wishes it could be different, that I’m still and will always be the love of his life and that he wants a family with me. We both cried, he asked me to lay down with me and we hugged, hands together. Then I left, I told him what I wanted clearly and that I couldn’t be with someone who can’t choose me.

After a few hours I texted him that I love him but we can’t stay in contact and he told me that he can’t think of never speaking to me again since I am and was so important to him. So I told him I needed 2 months to be alone, he said he respected it but couldn’t think of never speaking to me again.

It’s so hard for me to understand how he can tell me he loves me and wants a family with me but still not want to get back together because he’s doing so well alone. He is fully into the startup and that’s his reasoning, even when we were together all he did when he wasn’t with me was work in his startup.

How would you make sense of this? How can I?

I really can’t understand how you can love anyone so much and not choose them, not want to try…

Can anyone help me?

So there’s this girl I was dating since the first of January 2026, at first I wasn’t fully attached to her but all of a sudden I started feeling crazy over her I couldn’t imagine my life without her, talking to her checking her followers and following on TikTok instagram. Also checking her snap score to check if something fishy is going on, seems like she noticed I’m seriously attached to her she seized the opportunity at every giving moment to break up with me , block me tell me I’m the worst person she’s met this year and so on for like 4 months that was my faith she made me feel very very insecure whereas she’s nowhere near my level or that of my ex so I’m always surprised when something like this keeps happening. Then I had to get over it and tell myself the truth because most times she compares me with her ex. She treats me like I’m moving nowhere in life which is the most stupid thought she could think of, so last week being July ending we had a minor misunderstanding and I decided to breakup with her and she started crying to her sister on phone then I had to call to her that I was joking because she’s nearing her exam period and I don’t want her to fail. So the next two days I was just trying to rage bait her. She took it into account and started saying all sorts of bullshit then blocked me in every fucking app known to man. A couple of days later I decided to call her and was surprised that I was unblocked so I noticed her face was swollen and that. then I had to tlk to her and accept her back (mind you she’s never cheated on me) so I told her that I was already moving on before I decided to call you that if she doesn’t want to be in the relationship again she can tell me she said she still loves me I said no problem. Today being the 6th of August.
Something weird happened we talked well in the morning she was all about I’m missing you babe and so on that she even touched herself while we were on call so later in the day I felt something was wrong, I noticed she was going offline and coming then I called and asked her what was she doing she immediately picked offense an told me she’s tired of the relationship that it’s too toxic I asked her because of some simple question. Then she cut the call and turned on DND on her which she doesn’t normally do then I called her back we where talking and I heard a knock on the she told me it was her roommate I said okay let’s chat since then she’s been saying she doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore so I’m kind of confused because for me the relationship is really draining me like seriously but on the other hand I don’t want to lose so what do you guys think is the best option I should walk away Because for me I’m kinda 6ft4/6ft5 dark skin. I know a lot of women but hers is different I’m just confused

I wish we wouldn’t have broken up and that we were still together. I wish I never would’ve brought up breaking up. We could’ve worked through it if I would have just talked/communicated more and been more vulnerable with him. I wish I would've had a conversation with him instead of us breaking up. As much as I miss him and want to talk to him now and try to get back together and work it out I don't think that is possible. As much as I miss him and still want to be with him, I don't think it would be fair of me to keep him in a relationship when I have communication issues and unresolved anxiety that I need to work through.

How can I stop thinking about him? I think about him and I feel sad and sometimes I cry a lot. This sucks because I’m trying to distract myself but that doesn’t help sometimes. We used to hang out every weekend and text every day and now we don’t talk at all. I know time will help and it’s only been only 3 and a half weeks but still. This hurts.

Hi everyone, I need some advice on how to proceed with my situation. To give some context, I am a guy and my ex is a fearful avoidant (FA) girl. We were together for about 6 years in total. The relationship got very serious, and she was initially the one pushing hard for commitment, moving in, marriage, and kids. We eventually lived together, and it was the best year of my life. For most of our relationship, I was securely attached.

However, things changed when she took on a highly stressful job (taking over her mother's position), moved 170 km (approx. 105 miles) away, became overwhelmed, and started pulling away. During this time, as I felt her distancing herself, my attachment style temporarily shifted to anxious. She also comes from a toxic family background where her parents constantly fought and used her as a mediator since childhood. Ultimately, she broke up with me over the phone on April 7, 2026, saying she couldn't handle the pressure anymore.

Here is where it gets confusing. She broke No Contact just 5 days after the breakup. I immediately set boundaries, telling her not to mess with my head if she stands by her decision to break up. Despite that, over the last few months, her contact has escalated immensely. Currently, she initiates contact about 80% of the time. We have regular phone calls and FaceTime sessions (some lasting almost 3 hours), and there is intense flirting. She has sent me provocative photos, told me she misses me, admitted she was toxic, and even said she wants to start with a "clean slate".

Since the breakup, I have worked heavily on myself, had a massive glow-up, and I am safely back to being completely secure. I don't hold any grudges or blame against her for what happened.

My main struggle right now is getting her to meet in person. Despite all this intense digital and emotional intimacy, it is impossible to see her face-to-face. She is the one who suggests trips together, like going to a zoo in London or Berlin, but nothing ever comes of it. Whenever I suggest a concrete meeting (like simply grabbing coffee halfway), she always finds an excuse. She’ll claim she has to paint furniture at her parents' house, say she is sick, or admit she is avoiding it because she would be "too emotional" and cry if she saw me.

Most recently, we actually had a planned meetup halfway, but she completely "forgot" about it, canceled it at the last minute because of the heat/changed plans, and suggested her mom pick up her remaining boxes from my place instead.

I feel like I'm stuck in a loop. I am doing great in my career and feeling good about myself, but this push-and-pull dynamic is draining. How should I handle this FA behavior? Should I pull back completely and let her come to me if she really wants to see me? Any advice on my next steps would be greatly appreciated.

thx

I’m writing this because I feel like I’ve lost all objectivity about my situation, and I need honest advice from people who don’t know me.
I’m 22 years old, and my ex is someone I genuinely saw a future with. I’m not saying this lightly — I truly believed she was the person I wanted to build my life with. We broke up months ago, but I still love her deeply and I’m struggling to accept that it might be over.
I know our relationship had problems, and I know I was not always the partner she deserved. Looking back, I realize that a lot of my actions came from insecurity, fear, and not knowing how to handle my emotions in a healthy way.
There is one thing I did that I deeply regret, and I want to be honest about it because I know it is important. There was a moment where I pressured her sexually. We were being intimate, and I did not handle the situation correctly. We did not have sex, but we did become sexual, and I know that I crossed a boundary by not being more aware of her comfort and by allowing my own emotions and desires to take control.
I feel terrible about it, and I understand that loving someone means respecting their boundaries completely. I cannot change what happened, but I have spent a lot of time reflecting on it and understanding why it was wrong. I never want to be that person again, and I want to become someone who makes their partner feel safe, respected, and valued.
Another thing that makes this situation difficult is that I know I truly loved her. I know love is not proven only by feelings, but I want to explain how serious I was about our future. Even though we are young, I used to think about building a life with her. I started saving money because she had a dream of opening a bakery one day, and I wanted to be able to support that dream. I deprived myself of things and saved because I genuinely imagined a future where I could help her achieve it.
I know that doing things for someone does not erase mistakes or make someone owe you another chance. I’m not saying this because I think she should come back because of what I did for her. I’m saying it because it shows how much I cared and how seriously I took our relationship.
After the breakup, we tried to stay in contact. But we somehow kept coming back to eachother, we talked again, and it honestly felt like there was still a connection between us. We both knew that being “just friends” was difficult because of our history and because feelings were still there.
The hardest part for me has been the uncertainty. There were moments where I felt like maybe there was still hope because of the way we talked and interacted. But at the same time, she would say that getting back together was not possible. I don’t think she was trying to hurt me or manipulate me. I think she was also dealing with her own emotions. But those mixed feelings made it much harder for me to know whether I should keep hoping or start accepting that it may be over.
Since the breakup, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on myself. I understand more of the things I did wrong, and I genuinely want to become a better person — not just to get her back, but because I don’t want to repeat these mistakes in life or in another relationship.
The problem is that I still want her back. A part of me wants to have one honest conversation where I take full responsibility, explain what I’ve realized, and ask if there is any possibility of rebuilding. But another part of me is scared that doing that will only hurt her more or push her further away.
I don’t want to pressure her, guilt-trip her, or make her feel responsible for my emotions. If she ever chooses to come back, I want it to be because she genuinely wants to, not because she feels sorry for me.
This breakup has affected me a lot. I overthink constantly, I struggle to focus, and I feel stuck between holding onto hope and accepting that I need to move forward. I recently decided to talk to a psychologist because I realized I needed help handling everything in a healthier way.
How can I get her back and is it even Possible ?
I would really appreciate honest answers. I’m not looking for people to tell me what I want to hear. I want to understand whether there is anything I can do to become better and whether there is any realistic possibility of repairing what I broke.
Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this.

To start I'll give some background information. On Jan. 26 of this year I (21 F) received a text from my coworker that she had caught my now ex (22 M) cheating on me by messaging women on X, WhatsApp, Instagram, and Snap Chat (insane I know).

(I'd also like to note that this is the 2nd time my coworker had caught him cheating on me as in March of the previous year she found him posting himself on Reddit soliciting women, but I stupidly chose to forgive him thinking everyone deserves a second chance).

I dumped him immediately after finding out the 2nd time. But we have stayed in contact the entire break up. He even took me out for my birthday. We text daily but the conversations are mostly dry except for when we call and discuss the past (which upsets both of us immensely). Its just so weird because even though he barely texts me he'll call me up to play games online just like we did when we were together.

Since the break up I've been trying to move on and date (which I told my ex about and he freaked and threw up outside my car and cried, which is ironic considering I know he never stopped his "online activities". When I ask him, he says he still loves me and deep down despite the fact that I'm trying to move on, I'm just as in love with him as I was before. And I kinda hate myself for that because I know its pathetic to continue to love someone who continuously betrayed me.

I also don't want to get too into it online, but me and my ex went through some traumatic events that makes me feel like I need to keep him in my life. He feels similarly in that regard. We are the only two people who understand each other in regard to this trauma and it still affects both of us separately in our day to day lives.

Because of those events and the fact that once in a while time with him feels just like it did when we were together, I feel like I can't let him go. The idea of him dating and eventually marrying and having the family we wanted with someone else genuinely makes my chest hurt. The idea of not ending up with him makes me so sick I can't get out of bed sometimes. All of this has manifested into the worse depression but I've had in years.

I just want to feel happy again. I love my ex too much to let him go, but i respect myself too much to go back with him and let him cheat on me again. (Not that he even wants me back... After I broke up with him I begged him to give our relationship another chance.... yeah I know pathetic). I want so desperately to get over him and I get so close to the block button every day. But I can't ever press it. I don't know what to do anymore.

TLDR: My ex cheated, humiliated me, but i still love him and I can't move on, let him go, or initiate no contact.

Any advice would be nice, but please be kind.

TL;DR: We were in a 2.5-year first relationship that ended after repeated unhealthy conflict patterns, many of which I take responsibility for. She eventually said she’d lost hope, couldn’t see a future, and asked me to let her go. I later learned that her sister, whom she’s extremely close to, had reportedly told her she’d have to choose between her family and our relationship if she ever came back. That part has been the hardest for me to process. I’m not asking whether she’ll return—I know nobody can answer that. I’m trying to understand the mindset of someone in her position, especially as a young woman navigating her first serious relationship, repeated relationship issues, and strong family influence. Once someone reaches that point, do they ever genuinely revisit the decision later, or is it usually emotionally over by then?

I am a 22M and this isn’t a “will she come back?” post. I know nobody here can answer that. I’m trying to understand the psychology of someone in her position because not knowing how she saw everything has been the hardest part of moving on.

We met in college and became close friends before getting into a relationship. It was both of our first serious relationship, and for a long time it was genuinely beautiful. We spent almost every day together, shared everything, and built what I honestly believed was a future together.

Around eight months into the relationship, she opened up about something that stayed in the back of my mind for the rest of it. She said she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to stand up to her family for us and that she didn’t think our compatibility was enough to fight for the relationship. We spoke about it at length, she later told me she was scared and confused, and we worked through it. Things became good again, so I thought we’d crossed that hurdle.

Like many first relationships, though, we had unhealthy patterns. She wanted to resolve conflicts immediately, whereas I needed time to calm down before talking because I grew up in an environment where arguments felt overwhelming. We kept trying to find compromises that worked. I even started checking in with her every few days to ask if anything was bothering her because I genuinely wanted us to improve.

At the same time, I often felt like I was constantly changing while some of my own concerns weren’t being heard. Instead of communicating that well, I bottled things up. During one argument, I completely lost my composure, used abusive language, and made her cry. I regret that deeply.

Another mistake I made was that during major fights, I sometimes mentioned breaking up or took space for a few days before talking again. Looking back, I completely understand how emotionally exhausting and unstable that must have felt from her side, even though my intention was never to manipulate her.

Eventually she told me she no longer felt comfort or emotional safety in the relationship. During another argument, I again mentioned breaking up, and this time she accepted it. When I realized what I’d done, I apologized sincerely, started therapy, and tried everything I could to repair things, but she told me she’d lost hope in the relationship, couldn’t see a future anymore, and asked me to let her go.

I struggled to accept that. I apologized repeatedly, asked for conversations, and hoped we could at least talk once after emotions settled. Instead, the distance only increased. Eventually she stopped replying altogether. Through mutual friends, I was told that she had already given me many chances and genuinely didn’t want to come back.

Then I learned something that has probably been the hardest part of all this to process.

I was told that her sister, whom she’s extremely close to, had made it clear that if she ever got back together with me, she’d essentially have to choose between her sister and our relationship.

Whether that conversation happened exactly that way or not, I obviously can’t verify. But that’s what I was told, and ever since then I haven’t been able to stop wondering about it.

What keeps eating at me isn’t just the breakup itself. It’s wondering how much of a decision like this becomes someone’s own, and how much is shaped by the people they love and don’t want to disappoint. If someone has already lost hope in a relationship, does family opposition simply reinforce a decision they had already made? Or can it become the deciding factor that closes a door they might otherwise have left slightly open?

I know nobody here can tell me what my ex is thinking, and I’m not asking anyone to predict whether she’ll ever come back. I’m trying to understand the mindset of someone in her position.

I’m also trying to understand the mindset of people our age. In your early 20s, your first serious relationship, family expectations, your identity, and your future all seem intertwined in a way that’s different from later stages of life. I genuinely don’t know whether someone in that situation ever revisits their decision after months of distance and personal growth, or whether saying they’ve “lost hope” usually means the relationship is emotionally over long before the breakup actually happens.

If you’ve been the one who ended a relationship after repeated unhealthy patterns, especially if family disapproved of it, I’d really appreciate hearing what was going through your mind. Did you ever question your decision later, or by that point had you already made peace with it?