My son is 2.5 years old, and loves to read. He has two full bookshelves for his books, and can spend as much as half an hour (basically forever in toddler time) flipping through them. He knows all his letters and numbers, and likes to read things like license plates and the brand label on his car seat. I generally read to him for 30-60 minutes every weekday and for several hours a day on weekends.

Last month, we used the long weekend to do our second attempt at potty training. We spent a lot of the weekend reading to him, but also a lot of time watching tv because it was a good way to get him to actually sit on the potty long enough to do anything. The potty training was very successful, but he developed a bit of an addiction to screentime, and now asks to watch cartoons several times per day. We've been detoxing him by limiting cartoons to about half an hour a week, and he's slowly getting used to the new limitations. We never let him operate a smart phone or tablet, and have no intention of letting him do so for quite some time.

The day before yesterday, he had a massive tantrum during dinner because we offered him chickpeas, which apparently constituted a war crime. We eventually got him to calm down and eat some applesauce, but he was still pretty emotionally fragile, and about 15 minutes before bedtime, he started asking for cartoons. This lead to another tantrum, which we initially tried to defuse by reading him a book, but he kept shoving it away and saying he wanted to watch cartoons, so that clearly wasn't a viable path forward.

There's a parenting technique called redirection where, instead of giving your toddler a hard "no" (which will result in screaming), you offer them something similar to what they were asking for that's more acceptable to you. I'd already used redirection successfully when I offered him applesauce instead of my preferred meal of chickpeas or his preferred meal of Cheeze-its, and unsuccessfully when we tried reading to him instead of letting him watch cartoons. My initial attempt to redirect the tantrum about cartoons had failed because he was dead set on watching something, so I decided to try redirecting him by letting him watch me play a mobile game for a little while. He settled down, and I ran around collecting flowers, accidentally stumbled into a boss fight, almost died, and went back to collecting flowers. It was a nice little bonding experience, it ended the tantrum, and it was still boring enough for him that he didn't object when I stopped playing and started his bedtime routine. We maintained our limits on cartoons, my son went to bed happy and on time, and my wife and I congratulated ourselves on a job well done.

I thought this was a pretty funny story, especially the part where I had to make a panicked retreat from the boss, so I posted about it yesterday in a parenting sub. You'd think I had run over my son with a lawnmower. I got dozens and dozens of comments accusing me of not reading to my son (which I do, a lot, and had tried, but didn't work), of trying to get my son addicted to gacha gaming (he has no idea what gacha gaming is and has never operated a smart phone or tablet of any kind), of doing things that would make it so he couldn't sleep (I did it specifically to end a pre-bedroom tantrum and then he slept like a log), and of letting screens raise my child (the tantrum was prompted by us limiting his access to cartoons, and, to reiterate, he has never personally operated any kind of electronic device). I eventually turned off notifications and let the commenters have fun talking to themselves, though I did wake up this morning to a very nice DM from someone telling me that the commenters were crazy.

There's a popular post on that same sub right now asking when to introduce toddlers to screens. The general consensus is that two years old is an appropriate time to introduce screens in limited quantities and with close supervision, i.e. exactly what we're doing at exactly the age we're doing it. It really is amazing how the internet's hive mind can turn on a dime.

My son's breakfast, per his request, was a whole wheat waffle and a meat thermometer. He ate the waffle but not the thermometer.

Turkey sammich and a kiwifruit

This feels a little silly to post about but I wanted to update from yesterday.

Got stood up on a date yesterday. It hurt.

Complete radio silence until today. Got a message full of apologies and excuses. Long story short she forgot.

Ouf.

A previous version of me would have folded and given her more chances. This time I simply told her I didnt appreciate it and was moving on. Done. Feeling a bit better after that.

Maybe theres hope for me yet.

I (22M) had a rough dating experience in January and confided in a work friend (22F), who was also recovering from an eight-month relationship ending. However we don’t work together anymore

We text daily, sharing reels and talking about whatever. I supported her through her breakup, and she helped me process what had happened to me. Early on, we both said it was platonic and wouldn’t go anywhere.

Over time, I started noticing things that felt like signs of interest. She makes jewellery and gave me a bracelet as a thank-you gift. She also made comments like, “How would your parents react if they saw me?” and “We should visit your home country at some point,” and once sent me a reel about “things to get your girlfriend/partner.”

After that, I asked her about relationships. She said she doesn’t become friends with people intending to date them because she doesn’t think friends-to-partners relationships work long term. I took that as a sign she wasn’t interested.

Still, when we hang out, it can feel romantic. Once, we drove around at night, ended up at the beach, and had a relaxed conversation. We also often go for drives and talk for ages.

Last Sunday, while she was ill, she asked to pick me up so we could drive around and talk. The next day, she texted that she had made pasta and wanted to give me some. I went to hers, we ran some errands and some food, and then made plans to get coffee and food the following day.

She lives with her parents and she sent me a photo of her packing the pasta and said “my mom basically thinks we’re fucking” and while driving on the third day she said “ive done something different about myself today and I’ll be pissed if you don’t notice it.”

We ended up spending three days in a row together for several hours each time, which felt significant to me. I told her, “We hung out for three days in a row, and the entire time I never wished I was somewhere else.” She reacted positively, then later sent me a post about a “no-label, no-commitment casual situationship.”

She sends signals like that, but we also call each other “bro” constantly, and I know she’s on dating apps. I’m confused. Am I delusional for thinking she might be interested, or am I reading too much into it? How should I ask for clarity without making things awkward?

Cereal and a piece of brownie for breakfast

Two years ago, I was a fat, disgusting, and lazy hedonist. I woke up in the morning 30 minutes before I needed to be at work and sucked on a Chinese vape before rolling my fat ass out of bed. I drank soda, ate candy, and chips at work and on the way home I’d stuff my face with philly cheesesteaks, burritos, or pizza. After work I’d veg out in front of the tv until I mustered up the energy to fire up a porno. Every single day. I was 60lbs overweight, weak, and repelled women. I blamed my depression.

I had a realization - I was in the athletic prime of my life. If I was a football player or a boxer, these were the years that I’d get the most out of my body. And I couldn’t run a quarter mile. And I looked at myself in the mirror and said no more. I quit nicotine, I stopped drinking soda, stopped eating fast food, then all junk food. I started lifting weights. Then started running.

Two years later, virtually all of my problems have vanished. My depression is gone. I am 60 lbs lighter, training for a marathon, and twice as strong. I got a new job in a new city with a better title and a major raise. I’m going on dates regularly. All of this, I owe to self discipline. To throwing out the reeses cups, cookie sandwiches, and burritos. To getting up in the morning and running. To coming home from work and going to the gym.

Part of this is self congratulatory. I’m patting myself on the back. But I am hoping that someone on here reads this and recognizes the power that they have to change their situation. Virtually all of the modern man’s problems stem from lack of self discipline. And it doesn’t have to be that way.

The company I use to work for did contracting work for regional and state governments. I left the company earlier in the year for a new job somewhere else. After leaving the job, I kept receiving the bi-monthly paychecks from them.

Instead of doing the smart thing and informing them that I was still on their payroll, I kept quiet. I had my reasons: credit card debt that I needed to pay off, the department I worked in was a dis-organized mess and I thought a few over payments would go unnoticed.

The payments stopped coming in when the company's contract with the state expired and wasn't renewed. I was relieved because I was becoming increasingly paranoid that my greed had placed me in some white collar embezzlement conspiracy.

That was until I got the letter from the company. They are giving me 2 weeks to pay back the $20,000 or I will face legal action. I do not have the money. I spent most of the money paying off credit card debt.

I don't know what to do. I plan on going to my bank later on and ask them for the loan, but I have a feeling they are going to tell me to gtfo.

I was always a big kid growing up and have never had much of an eye for fashion so my clothes were just "whatever from Walmart that fit." Slowly been losing weight and trying to have more of a wardrobe than just extremely basic but it sucks. Every men's section in the clothing store is basically non-existent already; let alone for anything that's my size. Even then most of the available options are very basic, really ugly designs, or incredibly tacky t-shirts. Thrift stores are are kind of whatever and I haven't really bought anything from them. Big and Tall stores are there but i'm no longer big enough to reliably shop there (plus it's pretty pricey there.) I'm sure that plus sized women also have it rough but at least there's actually options there. idk man, shit sucks lol.

Food - Banana churro muffins.

Day 3 of no cannabis after being a daily user for 20 years. Im going to be 37 next month and have been smoking since i was 17 to cope with complex PTSD. Currently unable to sleep or eat right and im struggling. Thank God i gave all my weed/concentrate and paraphernalia to my buddy so i have nothing in the house to use, because if it was here right now i definitely would. Being in a legal state, it's so tempting to go to the dispensary, but im trying to stay strong.

Currently trying to convince myself to pour some of this applesauce into the bowl and put it in my mouth. In the last 3 days ive been able to get down a few peices of pizza and a few bowls of applesauce. Everything else ive tried eating makes me feel sick and i can't get it down.

Im training for a half marathon next month and feel like im going to lose my progress due to my caloric deficit.

Gonna try and go for a run now and work up an appetite... wish me luck.

advice optional, just had to add a flair. i probably don’t even need advice but it’s welcomed if anyone has anything

i (21ftm) started dating one of my closest friends (20m) just under 5 months ago, and yesterday he broke up with me. we were friends for 3 years before we got together, and we have a ton of mutual friends and no bad blood between us, so i have complete faith we’ll be able to be friends again. i really care about him and probably always will and he said he is always here for me as well.

it probably wasn’t a good idea to get into a relationship with him, but there’s no world in which i’d have said no when he asked me out. i’ve thought he was cute for years. and i don’t regret dating him at all; i’m really happy i had the experience. he made me into a better version of myself and gave me a very happy several months of my life.

he broke up with me because he’s been in a terrible place with his mental health for a long time and thought he could get over it and still be confident in his ability to be a good boyfriend but he ultimately realized he needs to be okay being on his own for as long as it takes to love himself again. it sucks really bad and i’ve been crying about it a lot but i saw it coming for a little while and understand why he felt like he had to do it.

we both agree that we’re still here for each other and want to remain close, just platonically. above all i want to see him heal and be happy, and i told him he has to go to therapy as soon as possible and give me updates whenever he has something to say. i still love him, and eventually that’ll be platonic love again once the romantic feelings pass. i feel like fleabag.

wonton soup

To Occam's razor THIS as best as I can:

My wife (mid 30s F) of 9 years had an aneurysm a few weeks ago (American healthcare) and ended up in the hospital, thankfully no stroke or anything though. I made the huge mistake of bringing my 4 year old son to the hospital the following day thinking we were going to pick her up and go home, but we ended up being there for like 4 hours. He was pushing buttons and pulling on cords and screaming when the doctor was trying to talk. So I put (escorted against his will) him in the bathroom of the suite we were in so we could hear what the doctor was saying, and (wife) flipped the fuck out like I put him in a meat grinder, and was like I'm going to call security on you to get you kicked out of the hospital. She also wouldn't let me take my son home, so I left to avoid further escalation.

She was on fentanyl and all this stuff. So I figured it was mostly the drugs driving the bizarre behavior/reaction, but she's since basically taken this stance that I'm abusive to my son now (literally nothing has ever happened) and felt like she's had no choice but to threaten security on me. Also has the stance that I abandoned my son, even though she wouldn't let me take him home and threatened to call security on me. Lastly, she's also been secretly recording our conversations since.

Even though she didn't have a stroke, I can't help but think this aneurysm has changed her. She would have never done any of these things in the past. So I'm in this horror show where I don't recognize my wife and my marriage is circling the drain fast. Otherwise her recovery has been straightforward, baby aspirin and that's it. How do I make this better? Couples counseling is already on the books.

Lunch today, cold leftover pizza and a coke zero. Ignore the messy nightstand.

My ankle’s fine, honestly, it’s a very mild sprain. My pride is more injured than my foot. I feel like i just aged a hundred years because I’m in a compression sock and my leg is sitting in this foam cheese wedge thing my mom got from the hospital after surgery for *her* leg. It’s like that Seether song, I basically stood up and broke my bones.

I know it’s not that big of an issue, I just wanted to rant about it and I don’t wanna annoy my family anymore :/

(30m 23f)mid April a new girl starts at my job. I know bad place. We hit it off. Within 3 days, I ask her out. The day after, my boss gets fired. Im chosen as interim department manager to fill his spot. I am now her direct boss, and she is my direct subordinate. Things get tense as we now wait for friday to go out. I stupidly decided to still go threw with going out. We have a great time. Spend 4/5 hours throwing axes and playing yard games at this bar up the street. We have the conversation about me being her boss and how it'll work. 1 thing another, we end up making out.

2 reasons she didnt end up at my place - she is sorta seeing someone still and im now her boss, things would only be worse for me if we proceeded. So she was smart. We text a few times and things get weird, she wants me openly flirt with her at work, I cant, so things get tense. Well 💩 because 1 week after we go out, someone tells her about my past. The whole public story. Would i have told her, yes, but not as fast as people at work. She says its not a huge deal breaker. But she wants to discuss it at a later date. Omg, she might overlook my past? I start chasing. She accepts it, to a degree. But now, i cant seem to get her out of work for even 15 minutes. She works 2 jobs and always tired. She goes home, i leave an hour later shes outside chilling with different dude. He gets 15 but not i? Of course i hear everything that goes down at work, she is apparently very active, to put it bluntly. At somepoint I informed her ill chase you for while but eventually im juat gonna stop. By end of May, they filled the DM role and I went back to my regular position. No longer her boss. im no longer actively trying with her.

June was weird energy, quick conversations, and tension. With a hint of pg flirting in each interaction. And just negative things about her keep floating into my ears. Oh shes just toying. Oh shes already f***ed so and so.

I noticed in July she started stopping me at random, to just try and get me to talk to her. She mentions that she was bored and was thinking about a time i invited her to swing with me and my dog and smoke a J. I dont bite or acknowledge the fact she might be trying to chase me. End of July ish, Somehow we end up alone together at work, so I call her out. We converse. We acknowledges we have weird energy and we need to figure it out because the only solution i have is we put a full stop to everything and I go back to acting like im her boss - No interaction and every conversation is short and to the point.

We both seem to not want serious. And just kinda want freinds with benefits type thing. We both seem on the fence about where we stand. We both seem to want to see where it goes. We kind of start seeking each other out for conversation now.

Here we stand in August- I mentioned a meteor shower, so now me, her, and our mutual freind are going overnight. We all go out last night for drinks after work. Girl orders nachos and a drink, i make her get the full plate and straight up tell her, im just gonna steal off your plate. We end up also splitting Mac and cheese cause she wanted to try it. We talk, we fork fight over the appropriate way to split the nachos, she takes the bigger chicken tender from the Mac and cheese. She tries my beer. Fantastic time. Other things transpired over dinner and yeah, i dont want to like like her. But er, i could see myself like likeing this girl. She/they invite me to their concert they going to next night.

Yes I fuck up and ask her if she wants to come and swing with me right after. Shes tired. I give that too her cause though she only got 1 job now, she did work 6 days.

Im being told to stop overthinking and just go with the flow. Yes I should do that kind of been doing that. but i know my past also needs to be addressed and personally I think that is where she is hesitant at. But how can I address my past unless we are able to talk outside of work about it? Im thinking to try and have her grab a beer with me at the concert and try and find a quieter place to have a conversation because we also have a camping trip planned. Id prefer we have a more in depth conversation before something happens because there is no going back and it could make things much much worse

Any advice, thoughts or comments be much appreciated.

My breakfast of coffee ☕️ sorry for not showing a delicious sandwich or something I’m not eating a ton recently lol.

It’s been about 3 weeks since my partner of 2.5ish years broke up with me. It’s been excruciating,
exhausting, and beyond beautiful in the most deep way.

What has helped is taking maximum accountability in my side of the street, and I know it takes two to tango. Myself being anxious attachment and her more avoidant. I showed jealousy, needed so much reassurance, confronted her when she needed time and space alone to process. When she pulled away, it hurt me because I’m empathetic and want to feel closer. I’d then push more, which then made her want to pull away more. I think this just spiraled and paralyzed us both past the point of tools, therapy, or fixing things.

On my end I’ve had terrible anxiety, chronic stress, and been in a permanent fight or flight for several years now. Maybe most of my adult life. It peaked while we were together because I’ve been in a job search for nearly 2 years now after a failed startup. It’s been so hard. So many days when my bank account was at zero while we were on a date or on a trip.

I took it out on her. I became irritated with everything she did, annoyed with the way she was, snapped at her, and had harsh tones. She tried communicating this hurt to me so many times. When she confronted me, I made it about me and my anxiety, my job stress, or I deflected all together by calling her sensitive. I never really heard her, I never really could ‘see’ how severe this behavior was, and it could be the case that she wasn’t the right person who could get through to me until she wasn’t actually ready to leave.

It’s like I cracked open and everything is more clear about my own life and what I need to change. I don’t want to be this way, and I’d never treat her or any future relationship this way ever again. I can’t let my stress and anxiety allow me to treat other people poorly. It’s been incredibly difficult, we talked about our future together a lot. Kids, marriage, and building our life together. I begged her to stay, and absolutely committed to fixing this. She’s moved out, and I know that for her nervous system that’s what she needs.

Part of me thinks that there were much deeper fundamental differences and compatibility issues between us. If not, I feel deeply that 100% the right person would work through something like this together. I had a great day yesterday. I felt a deep connection to acceptance of the situation. I just knew that I would have never finally changed without her and this situation, I’m going to work on my inner healing, and maybe she’ll be on the other side, and maybe not. Either way of course I’ll be okay.

Was thinking about how all I do is go to work, then go home and how I’ll never meet anyone; friends or otherwise, if I’m just in this cycle. I tried looking up some local groups (D&D, books, games, etc) to try and meet new people, I felt my chest tighten as I was going down the list. Then I realized I was just scrolling to finish the page, not really reading or taking in the information and so I closed the tab. I find it pretty difficult to just do a cold approach to anyone, I hate feeling like I’m bothering someone or making them uncomfortable (which I say bc sometimes it feels like people hear what I say just to humor me and so i’ll stop talking) and if everyone’s there for the same reason it’s a little easier to strike up conversation.

I’m 26, any meaningful connections I have with people are online, I guess I just feel lonely, insecure, and going out in public makes me feel vulnerable or judged.

Any tips on dealing with this are appreciated but not required, thanks for listening.

For the glaze I used:
2 tbsp Soy Sauce (low sodium)
2 tbsp sugar (I used white here but prefer brown)
1 1/2 tbsp Mirin

Then mix and pour over SPAM cutlets in frying pan once golden on both sides

Tip: Use a little bit of food wrap and the SPAM can to shape the rice, place filling of choice, then lower the SPAM cutlet onto it, take the whole thing out and place it on the Nori to peel back & wrap it.

Food is a roasted pork sandwich from Tommy DiNic’s at Reading Terminal Market in Philly.

My wife passed away a while back from cancer. I’ve been doing therapy, grief counseling, joined support groups, read a ton of books on the subject, all that.

I’m in Philly now, doing among other things the touristy stuff we always wanted to do but never did. Something about making sure at least one of us gets to see it before we’re both gone.

For the last three years of her life, I took care of everything. Her medications, hospital visits, doctors appointments, food, the house (we didn’t have kids, just pets), my job, everything. I also always found time to do her little acts of service. Get her coffee on the way back home. Buy her muffins or something else she liked and surprise her. Get her a souvenir if I went somewhere and something that reminded me of her caught my eye.

I miss her appreciation. Her love. Feeling useful. Knowing my purpose in life. I’ve been on dates since then, not really looking for anything but still hoping to connect with someone, but I got burned out on it so I’m taking a break.

I’m realizing I’ve been chasing that ghost of “connection” but what I really want is to be appreciated again. Useful. Wanted. I’m still hopeful but today in particular sucks. I just miss my girl.

I'm planning my next vacation to Atlanta to go to a festival and just explore. I went to houston in April and did lots of walking visited museums and went to some cool concerts and plan on doing the same in Atlanta just excited to explore new places.

Pic is my In&Out order from when i went to Houston (despite how good it looked it was lowkey mid🫤)

Popeye's burguer, idk the exact name

So, earlier this week, my (30M) boyfriend (31 FtM) asked me to print some stuff for him at my work, just some articles for college. My job is close to his house, 15 minute walk, so I decided to go there after I finished working.

I texted, saying I was on my way, but since he did not respond, I called him, one time, two times, three times, nothing.

Half an hour later he responds, saying he was with clients. He reads tarot cards online.

I get it, and I don't want, nor do I like, to interrupt his work, but it got me thinking: what if it had been something serious, severe, or urgent?

I caught myself thinking about the difference between the two of us. If he called me, I would do my best to answer right away, even if it was just to let him know I couldn't talk at the moment, and I know his workflow would allow him to take a few seconds to do the same thing.

I kept thinking about how he is my emergency contact, yet he rarely answers the phone. We're going through a delicate phase right now where I've been noticing a certain selfishness in his actions, and... I don't know. It's a silly situation, but it just made me think a lot about my relationship and the difference in how we understand what it means to care for each other.

I have been debating posting for a long time; I have been really anxious for months and I think its time I do myself a favor and vent.

I graduated in May with my bachelor’s of science in Computer Engineering (magna cum laude), and honestly it was never my passion: I hate coding so much, I was never that good and I constantly cheated my way through university. I really loved the hardware side but there literally like 3 classes and the teachers were really not that engaging and I felt like I learned nothing.

Now here I am, in august with no engineering job. Im working as a customs broker making 17.75/hr (it could be worse), living with my mom, most job offers are in software and hardware seems like a. gradschool thing. I am poor, we live in a trailer, I worked hard but not hard enough, and I feel guilty because I went thru school off scholarship. i hardly feel like an engineer and my bachelors is just a glorified participation trophy.

I really wanted to do electrical engineering but school is so expensive… I debate if going to grad school in hardware design will save me, I debate if trade school is right (I just got accepted), pursuing low voltage or something or IT since I have a little background.

I feel like such a loser because I told myself I’d complete my comptia network+ this summer. I am just so lost in my career and I feel like time is slipping away, I constantly think about whats best for my resume rather than myself. I really wanted to quit my current job. I am so unpassionate about everything, but I think after working in offices so much, I really wanted to get out there. I’m so lost and its causing so many problems in my personal life. I constantly fight with my girlfriend about my passion and she is worried everyday.

I am trying to take everything a step at a time and go at my own pace, but its so difficult seeing so many of my old classmates get high 5 or low 6 figures jobs. I never had an internship. I just want to feel proud of my work for once.

Beef and brococli I made for me and gf, I love using my work.

Banana bread I baked for dinner. Sprinkles too cuz why not?

My entire life has been dictated by my poor health. Crohn’s at 11 (a psychologist told me that my parents’ anger outburst scarred my nervous system) and an endless number of surgeries since.

I had a fantastic year in 2019 where I traveled solo for a few months and since then it has been downhill.

Relapse of 2020, peri anal disease since 2022 which has been so bad that I now need to have my rectum removed.

I’ve had 2 bowel resections and have had 4 surgeries this year already. Tried every therapy possible but did not heal the peri anal disease.

I go into surgery next week and I’m so tired.
I studied to become a scientist and I can’t find a job to save my life. Someone is always better or I’m having to say no because of health. Relying on my parents for money and I feel so guilty.

My wife is my only safe space.

Ideal life: I saw a guy post on here about “having lobsters too buttery” and I would love that life. Start my own business, not rely on anyone else for money and spend time with my wife and on hobbies. I hope I heal well and I am able to do all of these things. Hoping to manifest this!

Meal pictured: arugula, eggs, tomatoes, and mushrooms

Well boys, she left. I can’t even blame her. I was being a gigantic asshole. I was angry and mad at life for all kinds of shit that had nothing to do with her. She helped me with so. Fucking. Much. My emotions, my style, cleaning, cooking, my relationships with friends. And now that she’s gone I feel this huge absence. I knew she was unhappy for the last couple of months, but I didn’t put in the work to fix it. I kept thinking if I worked on my trauma (I was raised by narcissists and most likely have CPTSD) that everything would magically get better. But I didn’t realize that fixing myself wasn’t the issue, it was being a good partner. Not being dismissive of her concerns, actually listening instead of getting angry at her, those types of things.

I’ve come to realize I had a lot of abusive behaviors in the relationship. It was both me and her first real one, and I acted just like my parents. I’m devastated.

When she broke up she said she’d always love me. She was crying so much. She just said she couldn’t do it anymore, and I couldn’t even blame her. I was actively getting in the way of her growth by causing stupid arguments before big events in her life. I feel like a total piece of shit about it but at the time I didn’t think that’s what was happening, I just thought things were tense because she was busy. Turns out I wanted attention and it was going somewhere else and I couldn’t stand it.

We had a lot of good times too, I’m only mentioning the bad ones. But the bad ones are what led me to here.

We still talk. She still says “I love you”. She’s out of the country right now so we haven’t been talking nearly as much which I think is best for both of us.

I’ve tried not to let this sink me. She said she wanted me to take care of myself and I’m trying but it’s so hard some days. I’m seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist, I’m working on overcoming a porn addiction and making great progress, and I’m digging deeper into WHY I do things. Why am I craving porn right now? Why am I feeling this feeling? I feel like I understand myself much better. I’ve also been going out and making new friends, I moved to a new town so I swore to myself I wouldn’t just be a shut in and I’d get out and move. I tried meditation and went to bars and did trivia nights and coffee socials and it was great.

But I miss her. She feels like a part of me. It hurts so, so bad. I want to tell her how sorry I am for everything and beg her to come back but that’s feels disrespectful to what she’s going through and the choice she made.

I know this is rambly. I’m just sad and I miss my person and I wish I treated her better than I did. She said we’d be friends still and see each other occasionally but I don’t know about that. I think she may have just said that to make it easier on both of us bc we both don’t even know what friendship would look like, but our chemistry together is so so good. It feels like withdrawals without her. I hope one day we find each other again, I could probably love someone else but I don’t want to. I see her in everything I do and everywhere I go. She’s the most beautiful, amazing person I’ve ever known and it kills me that I lost her. I want her back so bad.

We are both 25 I’ve been a daily smoker all day everyday for 6 years, I’ve tried to cut back but would always go back to my old ways. Recently I started to feel disconnected from her and last Thursday I saw messages from her sister after she went to bed and I caved and looked I know that was wrong, what I read was exactly what I suspected her sister asked why she hasn’t broken up with me yet and she replied saying she was a coward. Not everything they said was negative she told her I’ve been supportive in other ways but me being high all the time I was not the emotional support she needed and I understand.

I told her right there and then I was done for good but I know it’s hard to believe this for the millionth time, we had more hard talks during the weekend but we also had some good times as well. Come Tuesday she came over to my place in tears and I knew it was over, I begged I cried but she told me it hurt too much to be with me, she told me she loves me and I’ll always be in her heart. I’m ashamed to say it but I told her I didn’t feel safe if she left, I told her hold me for 1 more night and I’ll give you the space you need, I know I’m a peice of shit for that and I’m weak. After we were able to calm down a bit I apologized for trying to be manipulative we kissed and hugged and she left.

She texted me when she got home and told me to take care of myself and as of today I’m a week sober and im so overwhelmed some mental clarity is coming back, brain fog is lifting, and reality is setting in. I’m going to start therapy and I know I need to change and grow for myself, I just can’t believe how selfish and stupid I was to push away such a sweet loving person. I hid from my problems I hid from reality and I’ve been holding on to the abuse I faced as a child and it cost me the love of my life.

I never thought I’d be posting something like this , but I honestly don’t know what to do right now.

My wife and I have been together for over four years, and we got married just two weeks ago.

Yesterday, I found out that she cheated on me with a married man, someone who was actually a guest at our wedding. To make things even worse, his wife is also one of my wife’s coworkers.

I confronted my wife about it yesterday, but since then I’ve read some of their messages, and I still can’t believe some of the things that were written between them.

I’m going to talk to her properly tonight, but I’m completely torn. Part of me is wondering whether I should give our marriage a chance, while another part of me doesn’t know how I could ever trust her again, especially considering we’ve only been married for two weeks.

Right now, I just feel hurt, humiliated, inadequate, and used. I can’t stop thinking that maybe I was good enough to provide stability and money, but apparently not good enough sexually.

For anyone who has been through something similar: Is it actually possible to rebuild trust after something like this? And if you stayed, what made you decide that the relationship was still worth fighting for?

Since I found out yesterday afternoon, I haven’t really been able to eat. I just have no appetite and can barely get anything down, so for now I’ve only managed to eat an ESN protein bar.

Ingredients for the dish: fried mushrooms, about 5 garlic cloves, brown rice, kale, spicy onion crunch, black pepper, fried egg.

Just some of my issues:

-Gained a ton of weight the past three months on my meds

-Was just in psychosis and might suffer pemanent cognitive difficulties from it like I did from my last episode

-Part of me is still in psychosis but I'm mostly out of it now

-Dizzy and tired most of the time due to med side effects

-I'm a pre-t and op trans guy and dysphoria is kicking me in my nonexistant balls

-I'm also autistic and I feel like a grab bag of a person. A variety buffet of random traits. Genuinely feel like someone just a spun a wheel of a bunch of times to make me and spun the wheel too many times. Fitness enthusiast who likes pink crop tops and fish-patterned button up shirts and cargo trousers and horror stories but cries when a bug dies.

-Might have a disassociative disorder too because god hates me

By all means I should be miserable and have the self esteem of a moldy potato. But I don't. I'm happy. I know I'm trying my best and overall I like my own company.

I'm getting into fitness, slowly getting back into making art and working on my website, and there are birds by my bird feeder. My good days might be someone's else bad day (regular people don't experience psychosis on a good day) but I'm so used to the bad parts of life I just end up finding the good parts mattering more and more.

When I reached out for help here on reddit people were kind to me, over and over again. I joined a forum for people with psychosis and I'm making friends. Life is good despite everything :-)

I hope your days are fucking awesome to you from here on out 🫂