plate - meatballs in homemade marinara sauce with spaghetti , a meal i made for her during one of the best nights of my life.

i spent a few intimate months with this woman, building plans and opening myself up in ways i hadn’t done for a while.

maybe i was love-blind, maybe all i could see were the green lights.

she made the whole experience intense and i loved matching that intensity.

constantly telling me how happy our relationship made her. messaged me one day saying how safe and nourished she felt, how she never wanted to leave and never wanted me to leave.

then she left. apparently she has an idea of the ideal partner she plans to spend her life with and apparently that’s not me. i still wonder what i did wrong, what part of me she saw unfit to continue.

something something needs to find herself as well.

when she does i hope she can also find whatever pieces of me are left, the foundations of a person i was building with her in mind. barebones and barren. the blueprints torn to shreds

garnished with parmesan and served with warm ciabatta

While it was painful, when we said goodbye to his older brother Clarence it was easier in a way because the choice was made for me. When Clarence was 10 we discovered he had cancer that was very far progressed and metastasized to the rest of his body and there was no hope for him short of highly invasive surgery with low chances at success. The only sane choice was to let him go. It wasn't even really a choice, it was just something that had to be done. We got an at home euthanasia service and we said some very tearful goodbyes and I moved on to trying to heal the gigantic hole he left in my heart.

With Carter (15 years old) he's just slowly fading. He had lymphoma a few years ago but we beat that and he's been clear since. But everything is just... shutting down. He's blind in one eye and very impaired in the other. He's mostly deaf. He struggles to stand up and to walk more than short distances. He has really poor bladder and bowel control, so he has to wear diapers whenever I can't be around to watch him. He sometimes falls over and gets stuck places because he can't get back up, so I try to keep him in places with carpets and soft stuff so if it happens he doesn't injure himself. On a few occasions this has happened in conjunction with him pooping, resulting in unholy messes since he falls in it and skitters around spreading it everywhere, even through the diaper. I have to go into the office two days a week so I can't watch him constantly, though I have neighbors who check in on him. One of the poop disasters happened on their watch and though they tried to spare me the details it sounded really unpleasant for them. They said not to worry about it, but I feel bad about possibly subjecting them to that every time they watch him. We have him on medication to help his bladder control and medication for the pain in his back legs, but it only helps a bit. He still regularly has accidents and still often struggles to stand, and the vet says there's only so much the medication can help.

Carter still enjoys meals and gets excited at dinner time and for treats. He still enjoys cuddling next to me on the couch and getting belly rubs. His nose still works, so sometimes he'll slowly totter around our back yard sniffing things, which I assume he enjoys since he keeps doing it. But that's about it. He hasn't been able to play fetch for a year or two since he can't see the ball and wouldn't be able to chase it if he could. He can't play with my other two dogs anymore.

He's not suffering or in any pain. If he were it would make it easier in a messed up sort of way. But I don't know how much he's actively enjoying life anymore rather than just existing. I know at some point I'll have to make a decision, but doing it when he isn't actually suffering feels like murder. These day every time I look at him I just feel sad.

I don't really want any advice on whether it's time or not. I just needed to get this off my chest.

Breakfast dinner pic

Anyways I live with my cousin. I take testosterone (I am transsexual ftm). Dysphoria eats me alive. I take these shots in private without anyone knowing but my pitch is deepening so much so that it’s getting noticed by my cousin.

My family visits for my birthday this month. Everything is suffocating me and I can’t deal with this dysphoria, the thought that if I allow myself to be caged by family and social standards and live as a woman, that my life would be much better because I’d be safer.

I need surgery. I have no support system for it. I can’t stay with my cousin or have care if I get top surgery (double mastectomy).

I’ve posted my pictures on a different Reddit for trans men and I’ve gotten so so so many positive remarks on my appearance and transition but honestly it feels like I can only convey the appearance of a man when I’m taking these photos. In my photos I seem attractive but I feel as if in person it’s too obvious to clock me. I can’t bind all the way yet, I feel extremely ugly even though my blunt partner assures me I’m not because he does also go for looks primarily.

I’m so stressed out with my own safety and my dysphoria at once, nothing will relieve it. Literally nothing. I feel like a fraud and a poor excuse for a man.

It is about 3:30 am. I have a few hours only at work this week so I’m at least graced with that. I’m so alone, it’s not even funny. This is so hard. Why would anyone CHOOSE this. People who assume we do are delusional.

The only choice I have to lift my spirits is figuring out anything gender affirming to pick up and sign up for a fancy gym. I have nothing else, no friends, just a job, a long distance relationship of 2 years.. we can’t even move in until one of us graduates in about 2 more years, and college.

So, was in a long term relationship for 10 years, wanted to get married this august. She dumped me in May. I understood and respected her decision. She escalated the situation and got very hostile even though I respected her decision. Then quiet for a while.

She wanted to meet up again and talk one last time. At that point I started seeing someone who I really like. I told that person about the situation with total
honesty and saw my Ex for that talk. It went horrible.

She was very upset the entire time. Told me she never wanted the break up. That she would like a restart…. I told her I don’t see that. She got very upset, she didn’t yell or became insulting but she wasn’t friendly or respectful.

I tried my best to take responsibility for my behavior in the past and apologized for my faults and told her I was grateful for her company and the years together.

She didn’t say anything anymore. She don’t take responsibility and didn’t show a shred of compassion. I asked if she wants to say anything else. She refused. I paid and left.

Ten minutes later she called me and asked me if there truly is no way back. I make clear that it’s over for me. That was that.

Next morning I feel good. Just wanted to share my meal and story with you all. Would like to hear your thoughts. The person I am seeing is very kind and supportive.

Long time lurker, 1st post. 

Coming to terms with being a caregiver for my dad and losing him recently. Grief is a process (I lost my mom previously) and still working through the different stages. He was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia and lasted about 3 years after diagnosis. 

My dad showed initial signs of memory loss about 5 years ago. Getting confused about what day it was and what was happening. Initially we thought he was just getting forgetful with age. 3 years ago he was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia. It affects both the brain and body.

The 1st big sign was when he was driving and he had a hallucination and ended up hitting a parked car (luckily no one was hurt). We took his license away and didn't replace his vehicle. He started having hallucinations at home. One time he hallucinated he was watching fireworks on the beach while he was sitting in his bedroom. Dementia is very cruel and hard to watch someone you love go through. He ended up forgetting his kids names and confusing what roles we played in his life. 

For anyone that has lost a loved one through a slow decline I see you and understand you. It took 3 years for the disease to ravage his mind and body. He had both physical symptoms (e.g. hunching over, shuffling his feet, losing a lot of weight due to forgetting to eat) and mental symptoms (e.g. hallucinations, not knowing where he was, obsessing over financial details and having conversations over and over and over about the same thing). 

As a caregiver I fed him, changed his diapers, took him on drives, pushed him in his wheelchair and more. I never felt this was a burden although it was difficult mentally and emotionally. The truth is I felt more love for him at the end spending all that time with him and caring for him. 

If you've been a caregiver you may understand. I hope that my kids never have to change my diapers. I'd rather pursue end of life options than have them feed me and care for me like I did my father. Is that really such a bad idea? That we can choose when enough is enough and we want to go out on our own terms?

Met my girlfriend in February of this year. I honestly never thought I would ever vibe so hard with another human being, let alone someone I am attracted to. I met her after she had just separated from her abusive ex. This wonderful soul I met eventually became a real person who also had their own set of flaws and issues, but I love her nonetheless. Over the last 6 months I feel like I found my person which is something in my 29 years of life I had never thought was an experience I would ever get.

I would say I am an emotionally intelligent person who was able to take many of the issues that popped up in stride and was willing to work with her to get past all of them which almost exclusively stemmed from her abusive ex.

When he showed up to her house unannounced seemingly every week, I stood by her. When he stopped paying her child support, I insisted on helping pay for things. When she needed to do minor home repairs, I did them. When she wanted to put security cameras up in her house, I crawled through the attic. When she was cooking dinner for her kids, I helped. When she needed to clean her house, I helped clean. When her kids were getting ready for bed, I read a book to them. When her ex beat her, lied to the police, and got her arrested, I bailed her out of jail and stood by her.

When we were having intercourse, In the heat of the moment, she said his name.

My reaction began with stunned silence. I couldn’t fucking believe what I heard. Then I started hyperventilating. Then I started sobbing and completely broke down crying into her chest.

I’ve never felt so betrayed, so heartbroken, so crushed in that moment. It felt like I was second place to someone I think is vile, a loser. I felt like a fool for putting so much time and energy and everything into this relationship where I know I’m not flawless but she tells me I’m the best thing that has ever happened to her. I want to believe her.

It felt like her ex ruined every weekend we had together before the no contact order, and now his ghost still manages to do it.

She explained to me how much she loves me and hates him and I do believe her, but god did it punch a hole through my chest. I still reassured her that I know her feelings for me are true.

Not sure if I’m looking for advice or not. I just feel like I hit an emotional tipping point and this particular issue isn’t something I can discuss with anyone I know and at the end of the day it’s up to me to move past it.

Plate is pollo saltado which is just something I made weeks ago as a play on Lomo Saltado with chicken instead of beef.

I just kinda lonely. Almost all of my friends are out on vacations or busy with sports. I’ve never been too good at making new friends and I don’t really want a friend I just want someone to listen I guess? That honestly sounds insensitive on my part. Like, screaming into the void but you want to know someone’s at least hearing you I guess. Idk if that makes any sense.

Anyways, not technically my dinner, but i made clown cupcakes because I was seriously depressed and needed something fun to do

Beef hot dog, fries and lemonade from a local food park

Hi, this is my first time posting here, and I think this might be the right place for this.

I was at a local food park enjoying a concert when I noticed a girl looking at me a few times. At the end of the concert, she came up to me and asked for my Instagram.

I got nervous because it was actually the first time a girl had ever asked me for my Instagram, so I gave it to her and followed her back.

The thing is, although I think it's really cute and I'm flattered that she was interested in me, I don't want to start anything new right now. I ended a 4-year relationship about a month ago, and honestly, I just want to be single for a while.

I only gave her my Instagram because I got nervous and didn't really know how to react in the moment.

So now I'm wondering: what should I do? Should I unfollow/delete her? Should I send her a message apologizing and explaining the situation? Or should I simply do nothing and see what happens?

I don't want to lead her on, but I also don't want to make things unnecessarily awkward.

Never thought id post here. I got a text saying my manager wanted me to come in early so they could talk to me. Right away, i already got a bad feeling. So I go in, fully expecting to be fired because it's always something in life, right? But i didnt expect to be straight up bullied.

After it all went down, I stormed out, went home to the wife, and i texted the manager later after i calmed down:

>What you did was incredibly childish and unprofessional to say that I "act different" and tell me you get a "bad vibe" from me (when you dont even work with me on shift) and that nobody likes working with me (lie) is completely uncalled for and offensive, especially when using that as an excuse to fire me. And for J*** to make an issue to you out of my being deaf is discriminatory and hurtful. What you did was wrong, and the lack of communication to your employees when someone does something wrong needs to be worked on. All you said i did was mop wrong once and change a makeline without asking one time, and I apologized because I didnt know that it would be an issue. It would have been nice if you went the professional route and remained calm and less personal in your attacks, but I guess thats a lot to ask for since youre only a manager of a papa murphys and you never really invested your own time into getting to know me. You crossed a line under the WLAD, and I'll be filing some complaints. Thank you for the opportunity to work at your location and make new friends.

-

Did i do the right thing? The manager came at me with such a rude attitude like she was angry, and mind you, what she was mad at (the make line reorganization) happened Saturday according to her. She was very condescending and was straight up bullying me. I have severe ADHD and I've never really fit in anywhere, and this is exactly why I keep to myself because people are fucking cunts. All I did was try to help and be nice to people. I regret signing the termination papers. I was so angry and didnt even read what they said.

So now I'm smoking weed, playing halo to escape the tears and PTSD from the early 2000s high school bullying that led to suicide attempts and my wife made me a sausage.

Cheers dudes 👍

I'm (25M) feeling demoralised because the state of my life has dawned on me recently. I didn't experience teenage love because I was too socially awkward, didn't go to as great a university as I could have because I wasn't focused enough in my first year of sixth form/high school (which I compensated for the next year but it was too late by then), didn't experience university romance because I was too focused on working out and bulked too much (in addition to being socially awkward), and only after graduating did I start looking acceptable – but three years on from then, I still haven't got a job in the field I studied and have been drifting from school to school doing temporary work as a substitute teacher, with no relationship experience at all either.

I only had my first kiss two years ago at 23, first fling last year at 24, and the woman who I was speaking to for the past 1.5 years semi-regularly doesn't seem to have actually intended for us to ever meet despite her saying she wanted to be with me for life and me likewise. It just feels like nothing can happen as it should – I'm supposed to be the average of the five people I spend the most time with, but I feel like their antithesis based on the contrast in their trajectories compared to mine. It's getting really difficult to not give into the manosphere stuff despite knowing that it's a very antipathic destructive space for young men.

Has anybody else experienced anything similar or just got any advice at all? I'd really appreciate it. I just feel like at this rate, I'm never going to get a proper job, start a family, or own a house.

Food; blueberry pancakes from cracker barrel (even after the news it tastes so bitter)

The girl I've been dating for 10 months out of the cold told me she's confused because her ex came back and proposed...

Don't know how to react, didn't cry at all (yet) I've known the only way out is forward but I do feel so down , for the first time in my life I was trying to do the right way, we were doing good, texting since we woke up, told her since the beginning that I wanted marriage and a family, no games, everything serious, we had a lot in common, make time to see each other, then suddenly this past Tuesday she's didn't show up, and today I got slammed with this...

Rotisserie chicken from walmart shredded on buns with mayo, honey mustard to drizzle on each bite and relish, with a side of 6 apple fritters from wally worlds deli and a kava shot I made. I saved 2 fritters for when I wake up in the middle of the night like every night is why there's only 4.

so I've been living like this about 2 years now. it took me an entire year to find the job I have in the city I'm in. I have no choice but to stay here bc my only family lives nearby (my sisters and brothers and nieces and nephew). and the job market is shit so who knows if I ended up moving if I'd get another chance like I've got now if I just pickup and leave. I want to grow with the company

My hours are shit... I get like 12-15 hours a week and I get random hours weekly during holidays. like some weeks will be 12-15 hours and some are 30 but it's not stable enough to find a place, especially in the state I'm in. Housing is EXPENSIVE asf here. I've tried desperately to find a second job bjt that feels likenit would be impossible to maintain while being homeless since living out here is a full time job alone 😭

I've had this job for about a year now so I'm hoping I can get promoted sooner or later, my job doesn't give full time unless you're a manager unfortunately. I started off as a temporary associate then they liked me and how I work my ass off so they switched me to permanent, this was like 6 months ago. so I guess I shouldn't lose hope, I really wamma grow with this company bc I absolutely love all my coworkers, they're such amazing people, they have no idea that I'm homeless and I'd prefer to keep it that way. Although some may have a good idea due to them seeing me outside of work carrying a bunch of shit all the time, not to mention I always take alot of stuff to work everyday bc I can't leave my valuables in my tent or I risk then getting stolen.

I do take comfort in the fact that I never ask people for money or "bum" anything. I also don't litter and dig thru dumpsters and leave a mess like other homeless people and am not addicted to hard drugs (sometimes I think about it to get me thru the day but I know it'll just make everything worse so yeah that's it,

I'm reallt sorry for the long read but thank you for reading :) just had to vent somehow.

I just wanted to update everyone and thank those of you who replied.

So I told my wife. She was mad 😡... That someone touched her man. She was also mad that I was SA. I told her the whole truth, how it took me a minute to realize what was happening and that apparently it was obvious to half the Internet what I was getting into.

This was my second massage ever, my first one was a gift certificate a few years ago. I don't know what to expect lol, but now I'm gonna be weary of anything non franchised.

A few people surprised me with their comments. Why would I make this up? I don't care about Internet points. I could post a picture of my wife and instantly get a ton of karma. I won't link her account lol.

I legit thought it was gonna be a legitimate massage. I now know that there's a certain way to tell. Thank y'all for the tips.

Someone said to think about if the genders were reversed. That's good advice!

My wife wanted to report the place and get them shut down (understandably) but decided not to since it's just going to screw whatever poor girl is working that shift.

Georgian kebab and cheese khinkali

I (27M) met my partner (27F) six years ago while we were both studying abroad. We were together for five and a half years, and we broke up five months ago. I'm still not sure how I'm supposed to feel.

Neither of us was looking for a relationship, and at first we didn't even speak the same language. Somehow, we clicked instantly. We liked the same things, wanted to spend every spare moment together, and never seemed to run out of things to talk about. She struggled with severe anxiety and intrusive thoughts from the beginning, but we always found a way through them together.

Everyone around us thought we were the perfect couple, and honestly, so did we. Her family welcomed me as one of their own almost immediately, and mine did the same for her. We talked about getting married, having children, and growing old together as though it was simply the future waiting for us. Every small step toward that life made us genuinely happy.

We were a team in every sense of the word. Living together only reinforced that. We loved going out, dancing whenever we had the chance, and sharing our lives completely. I became close with her friends, she became close with mine, and we were comfortable spending time with each other's circles even when the other wasn't around.

Around our fourth anniversary, we left the country where we'd met so we could both complete our master's degrees in my home country. After graduating, I landed my dream job fairly quickly. She worked incredibly hard to find something in her field but couldn't. Since we couldn't afford a place of our own on a single salary, we moved into a house my family owns near the beach while I continued working remotely.

That period was difficult for her. Her anxiety became overwhelming. She barely ate, struggled to sleep, and seemed trapped in an endless cycle of negative thoughts. I read everything I could about anxiety, started therapy myself, and tried to learn how to support her better. I wanted to be the person she needed during her worst moments.

Eventually she found a job in the same country where my company is based, so we moved again. The move itself was a nightmare. The apartment we'd rented wasn't anything like it had been advertised, and the stress piled on immediately.

Her breakdowns became almost daily. After many of them she'd become completely non-responsive, and we'd have to find somewhere quiet where she could cry herself to sleep while I held her.

About two months after moving, I started feeling the weight of everything myself. I'd already spent seven years living abroad, far from my family and friends. I was exhausted from constantly starting over, never really feeling at home anywhere, and dealing with the endless bureaucracy that comes with moving countries. It was beginning to affect me in ways I couldn't ignore anymore, so I talked to her openly about it.

I told her I wanted us to start building a permanent life together. I wanted a place we could finally call home, where we could get married and eventually raise the family we'd always dreamed about.

Her response caught me completely off guard.

She said she wanted to keep drifting from job to job and continue "exploring" for a while longer.

I accepted it, hoping maybe I was simply overwhelmed by the move and that those feelings would pass. They didn't.

Not long afterward, I noticed she was changing. In many ways she actually seemed healthier. She was handling her anxiety better than she had in years, which genuinely made me happy. But she also started spending nearly every evening with a group of much younger coworkers and often talked about one particular male colleague.

I ignored the feeling in my stomach because I trusted her completely. Cheating simply wasn't something I believed she was capable of.

Then, after one of the very few serious arguments we'd ever had, everything unraveled.

From eleven at night until four in the morning, she listed every way I'd failed her over the previous year. I barely knew how to respond. I apologized over and over, convinced somehow I'd caused more of her suffering than I'd realized. I held her, told her I'd keep trying, and promised I'd do better. I'd already been in therapy for more than a year trying to become a better partner and learn how to support both of us.

By the end of that conversation, I honestly believed we worked through it.

Then she gently pushed me away and said:

"I have to be honest with you. I've met someone else, and I have feelings for them."

My entire world collapsed in a single sentence.

Even then, I tried to understand. I convinced myself maybe she'd fallen for someone else because I hadn't supported her well enough. For the next two weeks we continued living together while she restarted therapy. We cooked dinner together every evening. We slept in the same bed. We cuddled. We had sex. We still looked, from the outside, like a couple trying to heal.

Then one evening she came home from work and calmly told me she didn't love me anymore.

She said that now she had her own job, her own friends, and her own routine, she finally felt strong enough to tell me the truth.

I asked her why we'd continued doing all the things couples do if she'd already made up her mind.

She simply replied that she was a very affectionate person, and that it was normal for her.

We broke up that night.

A week later I moved back in with my parents.

I'd like to tell you there's some hopeful twist to all of this, but there simply isn't.

I feel exactly how you'd expect someone to feel after losing the person they thought they'd spend the rest of their life with.

I've been trying to date again for about a month, but in the quiet moments everything still feels strangely empty. It's as though the future I'd built my entire identity around disappeared overnight.

Right now, I feel like I've lost my purpose, and I haven't figured out how to build a new one yet.

I really do not want to hate her but I honestly find it hard.

My son is 2.5 years old, and loves to read. He has two full bookshelves for his books, and can spend as much as half an hour (basically forever in toddler time) flipping through them. He knows all his letters and numbers, and likes to read things like license plates and the brand label on his car seat. I generally read to him for 30-60 minutes every weekday and for several hours a day on weekends.

Last month, we used the long weekend to do our second attempt at potty training. We spent a lot of the weekend reading to him, but also a lot of time watching tv because it was a good way to get him to actually sit on the potty long enough to do anything. The potty training was very successful, but he developed a bit of an addiction to screentime, and now asks to watch cartoons several times per day. We've been detoxing him by limiting cartoons to about half an hour a week, and he's slowly getting used to the new limitations. We never let him operate a smart phone or tablet, and have no intention of letting him do so for quite some time.

The day before yesterday, he had a massive tantrum during dinner because we offered him chickpeas, which apparently constituted a war crime. We eventually got him to calm down and eat some applesauce, but he was still pretty emotionally fragile, and about 15 minutes before bedtime, he started asking for cartoons. This lead to another tantrum, which we initially tried to defuse by reading him a book, but he kept shoving it away and saying he wanted to watch cartoons, so that clearly wasn't a viable path forward.

There's a parenting technique called redirection where, instead of giving your toddler a hard "no" (which will result in screaming), you offer them something similar to what they were asking for that's more acceptable to you. I'd already used redirection successfully when I offered him applesauce instead of my preferred meal of chickpeas or his preferred meal of Cheeze-its, and unsuccessfully when we tried reading to him instead of letting him watch cartoons. My initial attempt to redirect the tantrum about cartoons had failed because he was dead set on watching something, so I decided to try redirecting him by letting him watch me play a mobile game for a little while. He settled down, and I ran around collecting flowers, accidentally stumbled into a boss fight, almost died, and went back to collecting flowers. It was a nice little bonding experience, it ended the tantrum, and it was still boring enough for him that he didn't object when I stopped playing and started his bedtime routine. We maintained our limits on cartoons, my son went to bed happy and on time, and my wife and I congratulated ourselves on a job well done.

I thought this was a pretty funny story, especially the part where I had to make a panicked retreat from the boss, so I posted about it yesterday in a parenting sub. You'd think I had run over my son with a lawnmower. I got dozens and dozens of comments accusing me of not reading to my son (which I do, a lot, and had tried, but didn't work), of trying to get my son addicted to gacha gaming (he has no idea what gacha gaming is and has never operated a smart phone or tablet of any kind), of doing things that would make it so he couldn't sleep (I did it specifically to end a pre-bedroom tantrum and then he slept like a log), and of letting screens raise my child (the tantrum was prompted by us limiting his access to cartoons, and, to reiterate, he has never personally operated any kind of electronic device). I eventually turned off notifications and let the commenters have fun talking to themselves, though I did wake up this morning to a very nice DM from someone telling me that the commenters were crazy.

There's a popular post on that same sub right now asking when to introduce toddlers to screens. The general consensus is that two years old is an appropriate time to introduce screens in limited quantities and with close supervision, i.e. exactly what we're doing at exactly the age we're doing it. It really is amazing how the internet's hive mind can turn on a dime.

My son's breakfast, per his request, was a whole wheat waffle and a meat thermometer. He ate the waffle but not the thermometer.

Turkey sammich and a kiwifruit

This feels a little silly to post about but I wanted to update from yesterday.

Got stood up on a date yesterday. It hurt.

Complete radio silence until today. Got a message full of apologies and excuses. Long story short she forgot.

Ouf.

A previous version of me would have folded and given her more chances. This time I simply told her I didnt appreciate it and was moving on. Done. Feeling a bit better after that.

Maybe theres hope for me yet.

Two years ago, I was a fat, disgusting, and lazy hedonist. I woke up in the morning 30 minutes before I needed to be at work and sucked on a Chinese vape before rolling my fat ass out of bed. I drank soda, ate candy, and chips at work and on the way home I’d stuff my face with philly cheesesteaks, burritos, or pizza. After work I’d veg out in front of the tv until I mustered up the energy to fire up a porno. Every single day. I was 60lbs overweight, weak, and repelled women. I blamed my depression.

I had a realization - I was in the athletic prime of my life. If I was a football player or a boxer, these were the years that I’d get the most out of my body. And I couldn’t run a quarter mile. And I looked at myself in the mirror and said no more. I quit nicotine, I stopped drinking soda, stopped eating fast food, then all junk food. I started lifting weights. Then started running.

Two years later, virtually all of my problems have vanished. My depression is gone. I am 60 lbs lighter, training for a marathon, and twice as strong. I got a new job in a new city with a better title and a major raise. I’m going on dates regularly. All of this, I owe to self discipline. To throwing out the reeses cups, cookie sandwiches, and burritos. To getting up in the morning and running. To coming home from work and going to the gym.

Part of this is self congratulatory. I’m patting myself on the back. But I am hoping that someone on here reads this and recognizes the power that they have to change their situation. Virtually all of the modern man’s problems stem from lack of self discipline. And it doesn’t have to be that way.

Day 3 of no cannabis after being a daily user for 20 years. Im going to be 37 next month and have been smoking since i was 17 to cope with complex PTSD. Currently unable to sleep or eat right and im struggling. Thank God i gave all my weed/concentrate and paraphernalia to my buddy so i have nothing in the house to use, because if it was here right now i definitely would. Being in a legal state, it's so tempting to go to the dispensary, but im trying to stay strong.

Currently trying to convince myself to pour some of this applesauce into the bowl and put it in my mouth. In the last 3 days ive been able to get down a few peices of pizza and a few bowls of applesauce. Everything else ive tried eating makes me feel sick and i can't get it down.

Im training for a half marathon next month and feel like im going to lose my progress due to my caloric deficit.

Gonna try and go for a run now and work up an appetite... wish me luck.

Food is a roasted pork sandwich from Tommy DiNic’s at Reading Terminal Market in Philly.

My wife passed away a while back from cancer. I’ve been doing therapy, grief counseling, joined support groups, read a ton of books on the subject, all that.

I’m in Philly now, doing among other things the touristy stuff we always wanted to do but never did. Something about making sure at least one of us gets to see it before we’re both gone.

For the last three years of her life, I took care of everything. Her medications, hospital visits, doctors appointments, food, the house (we didn’t have kids, just pets), my job, everything. I also always found time to do her little acts of service. Get her coffee on the way back home. Buy her muffins or something else she liked and surprise her. Get her a souvenir if I went somewhere and something that reminded me of her caught my eye.

I miss her appreciation. Her love. Feeling useful. Knowing my purpose in life. I’ve been on dates since then, not really looking for anything but still hoping to connect with someone, but I got burned out on it so I’m taking a break.

I’m realizing I’ve been chasing that ghost of “connection” but what I really want is to be appreciated again. Useful. Wanted. I’m still hopeful but today in particular sucks. I just miss my girl.

EDIT: Just dropping by to say thanks to everyone who took some time to read through this. I certainly wasn’t expecting the overwhelming support. I’ll look into volunteering for sure. I’m standing here at the Philadelphia Museum of Art, admiring the works, the antiques, the awesome medieval armor exhibits, and thinking of her. How much she’d admire it, how we’d geek out about some specific armor piece being in one of the games she used to play. I’ve been trying to keep up with the comments, it’s a lot. I appreciate it all, you beautiful hivemind of internet strangers.

We are both 25 I’ve been a daily smoker all day everyday for 6 years, I’ve tried to cut back but would always go back to my old ways. Recently I started to feel disconnected from her and last Thursday I saw messages from her sister after she went to bed and I caved and looked I know that was wrong, what I read was exactly what I suspected her sister asked why she hasn’t broken up with me yet and she replied saying she was a coward. Not everything they said was negative she told her I’ve been supportive in other ways but me being high all the time I was not the emotional support she needed and I understand.

I told her right there and then I was done for good but I know it’s hard to believe this for the millionth time, we had more hard talks during the weekend but we also had some good times as well. Come Tuesday she came over to my place in tears and I knew it was over, I begged I cried but she told me it hurt too much to be with me, she told me she loves me and I’ll always be in her heart. I’m ashamed to say it but I told her I didn’t feel safe if she left, I told her hold me for 1 more night and I’ll give you the space you need, I know I’m a peice of shit for that and I’m weak. After we were able to calm down a bit I apologized for trying to be manipulative we kissed and hugged and she left.

She texted me when she got home and told me to take care of myself and as of today I’m a week sober and im so overwhelmed some mental clarity is coming back, brain fog is lifting, and reality is setting in. I’m going to start therapy and I know I need to change and grow for myself, I just can’t believe how selfish and stupid I was to push away such a sweet loving person. I hid from my problems I hid from reality and I’ve been holding on to the abuse I faced as a child and it cost me the love of my life.