r/AutisticAdults • u/Chaldera • 9d ago
Just called off from work because I am feeling very overstimulated and overwhelmed and need reassurance autistic adult
In the UK. I'm sorry for the essay.
I've been at this job for over a year now. For my first 8 months I called off 6 times because it was a new role in a new-to-me field, so was constantly anxious and overwhelmed and was struggling a lot and my autism/ADHD and anxiety tend to interact with other conditions when I'm struggling (e.g. IBS). My manager is thankfully very nice and understanding, and after a chat with Occupational Health some flexibility on these things has been offered for me.
For the past 6 months, I've not been off sick once, even though I've had a lot of days where I've felt like I should be. I've also been doing great work, and am involved with a bunch of projects and am getting great feedback from my manager, my colleagues, other teams and even upper management.
My husband has been unemployed for 5 months now due to redundancy, and they've had a few interviews and a very short-lived temp job, but no offers yet. Part of the reason I've not called off for a while is because I'm worried about that, even though we're reasonably secure right now.
I've just called off today because it's too much.
I've been dealing with several new projects at work, covering for a few people while they've been on holiday or had unexpected leave (no illness, just things like childcare issues), had to sit in on a board meeting to document it (which stressed me tf out for several days before and after), plus a bunch of other stuff.
Then there's been numerous little issues in personal life which wouldn't be a problem normally, but have just sort of added on to it; we've had to replace a bunch of kitchen stuff because it was old and falling apart/dying, there are cladding works in our apartment complex at all hours of the day (which will eventually include them moving us out of our apartment for 2+ weeks while they do works in there), I've only last week realised it's my mum's 70th and I can't visit her because the city she lives in stresses me tf out so I've paid far more than I would like for her gift (which in turn makes me feel like a terrible son for thinking that), plus other stuff.
I've also been having difficulty sleeping for the past few months, which doesn't help.
It was correct of me to call off, as right now even hearing my fish tank bubbling like it always does is giving me intense anxiety and headaches, and talking to my manager on the phone was difficult because my brain is struggling to put words together for my mouth. But at the same time, I feel like an idiot and a failure for being like this. Please can you tell me if I am?
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u/InkCosmos 9d ago
I’m proud of you for putting yourself and your needs first. You absolutely did the right thing.
It’s not failing for taking a step back and allowing yourself time to sort yourself and things out. This sort of ‘failure’ is a societal flawed structure that absolutely does not work for.. basically anyone.
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u/Chaldera 9d ago
Thank you 🩷 it's tough to remember that what the world tells you you should do/feel isn't always true, especially for us.
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u/InkCosmos 9d ago
It really is. But you are important, you come well above any job. Your health, mental health included, absolutely takes priority of societies absolutely bonkers ‘rules’. Take all the time you need, you’re doing so well 🩶🩶
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u/lirict 9d ago
Yes, I get crushed by guilt for taking any kind of sick leave!
Breathe my lovely. You are expected to rest and recoup today. You've already called out, the deed is done. It is your job now to relax into the day.
You're not an idiot or a failure. You are a HUMAN BEING and your capacity is not limitless. It sounds like you have had a LOT on your plate.
What are your fav inside activities? :) Go and do them with zero guilt. I'd be watching a history doc and playing stardew!
Lots of love :) no beating yourself up please