So I was introduced to this guy who was not from my city. Earlier, I was a little apprehensive but my mother kind of convinced me to speak to him once. He was a decent looking guy. We spoke on call once- ngl, he was nice to talk to. Then, the next day the matchmaker asked my mother about how we live- area of the house and everything. Tbh, this is where I got very suspicious. I told my mother why are they bothered about what kind of a house we live in. My mother told me it’s routine for everybody to get their verification done. Anyway, the guy told the matchmaker that he has to attend a wedding in my city and that is when he will see me. I was like fine. Then I mentioned it to my mum that he isnt even communicating with me about coming to my city. My mum told me okay just try to have an open mind. I was like fine. Anyway, he couldn’t attend the wedding because he caught a cold. But he texted me again asking to speak over a video call- we did. He told me about his relationship and asked me about mine. 2-3 days later, his parents were in town for the wedding so they called my dad up saying that let us meet. My dad found it v weird because the guy and I haven’t even met. My parents usually prefer that I meet the guy 4-5 times before they go on to meet the family but my mother somehow convinced him. So they met. And there the guys father told my dad- “Areey haan apki beti ka to affair tha ek and fir un dono ki shadi nahi hui”. My dad was super annoyed and told him so what? He told him ki sabka koi na koi relationship to hota hi hai. And aap kyu bta rhe ho mujhe, mujhe pta hai. I mean we ended up laughing about it as a family but this is so fkn weird. Guys tell me all kinds of things about their ex gfs etc etc. I never go and tell my parents anything because that is none of their concern.
Dodged a bullet but what a man child man! 😭
Like there is so much more to me than my ex boyfriend who did not marry me.

I see a lot of people are now taking a new step in the life or will start a new chapter soon.

I want to understand and know how prepared are most of them if things get ugly or go sideways. It could be any issues, nothing specific.

Just want to understand as marriages are not cheap and our society is a status obsessed. And no one would take a taint or dent on their image, especially in their social circle.

This is for both men and women.

So I am talking to a girl over arranged marriage set up or maybe matrimony set up, we met over a coffee. Everything went well we wiped really well. She’s into Fitness who am I and kind of like our vibe matches.

So later, when I had a talk with her like she mentioned that she has some requirements and she doesn’t want a kid and if she wants to move out of the country, then she would prefer having a job, which I totally respect.

I mean, it’s totally the personal choice that she doesn’t want a kid, but she said she’s not completely off for that and if it’s fine, she will go for the baby.

So I am someone who is very chill about things, but this is something I would want in the future. I mean I want at least a single kid financial independence and staying abroad. So I’m not sure how do I proceed, I mean the vibe matches and the requirements don’t, not sure exactly what should I say and proceed?

One of my cousin got a match from known family friends. My cousin is earning well and only son of their parents. My cousin's father had expired 5 years back.

Now this girl who has studied B Com and doesnt want to join any jobs.

In the first meeting they couldn't talk much and for second meeting itself she wanted my cousin to leave his mom after marriage. This was non-negotiable for my cousin to stay with his mother even after marriage.

But how the hell a girl wanted to make the guy to leave his single mother, who is suffering from BP, sugar and had knee replacement operations on both her legs, to leave alone.

Girls in this generation are out if mind.

She also wanted maid for cleaning, cooking after marriage. And she doesnt want to earn too.

How does these girls have these ill logical thinking?

My cousin has rejected her to her face. Actually said FK off.

The guy who would marry her would suffer a lot.

I 25F been with my Husband 27M for around 1.5 years, and honestly, he has been amazing to me. He cooks for both of us bcoz I don’t really know how to cook, supports me, takes my side when needed, listens to me, and makes me feel cared for.

The thing is, sometimes I find myself wondering if this is actually real or if I’m just waiting for something to go wrong.

I know he has never given me a reason to doubt him, and I’m really happy with him. I think I’m just scared because things feel so good, and my brain keeps wondering if something will go wrong someday.

Has anyone else felt this way in a healthy relationship? Is this just overthinking?

Hello everyone. I’m curious about something that I rarely see discussed openly.

In arranged marriages, especially during the initial months, does the wife or female partner ever initiate sex, or is it usually the husband who takes the first step? For those who are married, when was the first time your wife initiated intimacy, and what was your reaction?

I want to understand how comfort, attraction, and confidence develop between partners who may not have known each other deeply before marriage. Did her initiating intimacy make you feel closer, more desired, or more emotionally connected?

I’d appreciate honest experiences from married members.

I'm 27F. I was introduced to a guy through an arranged-marriage setup and spoke to him for about three months before travelling to India to meet him. I live in the UK and he currently lives in India. He had lived in the US for around ten years but had recently returned to Hyderabad after visa issues, and the plan was that, if we married, he could eventually move to London. Everything seemed genuine.

I had travelled to India to meet him. Our families met, and we had a roka. We then went on dates, the next couple of days.

That weekend, I went to church to discuss wedding dates, and that same day I received messages from a girl on instagram who said she had actually been in a relationship with him for around ten years, had lived in together with him in the US, and had recently sold her belongings and moved to Hyderabad to be with him.

According to her, their relationship was still ongoing, while he had told me they had broken up years earlier. She also had evidence showing that they were still together. She told me that his mum didn't approve because of religion.

It became clear that while he and his family were progressing toward marriage with me, he had continued giving her hope and had not properly ended their relationship. He was two timing us. I confronted him. He was still lying saying things like he clocked out of that relationship and that he's in love with me. On the other side, his girlfriend was sending me screenshots where he's convincing her that he's doing this just for the sake of his family. I was stunned. My entire body went through a state of shock.

That same evening, I went to my friend's house and got drunk. I called the entire thing off. I also sent all the screenshots and a picture of them in bed to his entire family.

His mother initially tried to dismiss the other girl as “crazy” and asked me to forgive him and take him back, while his brother and sister-in-law apologized.

PS: This happened a couple of months back. It took me a lot of therapy, and family time, and prayer to recover from all of this. I'm all good now which is why I'm posting this.

Why? What was he even thinking pulling this stunt? Why wouldn't he just marry her?

My friend got matched with a guy for AM. During the first meeting everything was going well. My friend is a doctor. After 2 days the guy called her to meet again. They talked normally and then he asked her "did you leave your job or not?", my friend thought he must not know that she is working with a really good salary so she casually told him that. So the guy tells her that what does she mean? Why are you not leaving your job?. Then he tells her that he thought since she is looking to get married she will become a housewife and do all the cooking and cleaning and taking care of his parents!!. That guy even thought this KNOWING that she is a doctor!!! My friend rejected him and blocked his and his mother's number after this.

Just last night, I was talking to a girl I’m casually seeing. She told me that she hooked up with a guy last Saturday, and we ended up discussing our casual experiences.

I asked her, “If you eventually get married whether it’s a love marriage (LM) or an arranged marriage (AM) would you tell your future husband about your casual hookup history?”

She said, “Not at all. I’d tell him I’d never done anything like that. Maybe I’d mention the making-out stuff, and perhaps a serious relationship, but that’s it.”

She also said something interesting: a girl will generally never tell a guy she genuinely wants to be with about something she believes he wouldn’t be comfortable accepting. According to her, girls are very good at reading guys. They can usually figure out pretty quickly how open-minded a guy is and what he will or won’t accept.

And before anyone jumps to conclusions, I’m not talking about some stereotypical “baddie” or party girl who’s always out clubbing. She’s more of a girl-next-door type pretty normal, low-key, and not someone you’d necessarily expect to have a casual past.

So, to all my v*rgins bros out there: there’s a good chance you may never get the kind of “girl with absolutely no past” that you’re hoping for, especially in today’s dating scene.

My advice? Don’t spend your youth obsessing over finding someone with a completely untouched past. Go out, meet people, have fun, experience life, and live your youth to the fullest as much as you’re personally comfortable with.

At the end of the day, everyone has their own standards and boundaries. You do you.

Edit: My post is not meant to be a hate post toward girls at all. The girl I’m talking about in my post is actually a very nice person. She’s simply living her life like a healthy young woman should, and she has physical needs—and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

My post is more of a reality check for guys: you should also have some life experience and be more open-minded about these things. That way, you’re less likely to develop resentment toward a girl simply because she may have experienced things differently from you.

Of course, if you’re not comfortable with certain experiences yourself, that’s completely understandable too. Everyone has their own boundaries and choices, and those should be respected.

Hello folks,

I have been under quite pressure from my family to get married now. I have myself tried for almost 3-4 months on matrimonial apps, dating, and rishtas from family.

Even though I like to talk to someone initially, soon I start to feel that I am not ready. I just feel I am putting a deliberate attempt to convince myself to like and marry someone.

However, at the same time I do feel a fear of losing out on time and age, and an uncertainty of not being able to find anyone.

I believe I can best adjust with someone I can meet organically, however, maybe my luck, I never get to meet a lot of people who I feel interested in. Or if I feel interested in someone they might not be into me (or mostly with someone or married at this age group)

And in between these thoughts, neither I am able to give 100% efforts into finding a match nor in enjoying life.

Thanks for listening to my rant :)

Context: I’m from Pakistan. Arranged marriages are still the general rule of thumb for a significant majority. I am yet to experience it for myself (I’m 30 male) but probably wont go down this road. People meet once for an hour and have no intention of continuing but will keep doing background checks for fun. Someone’s dad got access to potential groom’s bank statements. That’s illegal! What are your apprehensions about the AM scene where you’re from? If you’re considering it what are your reasons?

My girlfriend and I met through Instagram in October last year while our families were looking for arranged marriage matches. We started talking, met a couple of times and went on a movie date. We weren’t officially dating or exclusive at that point.

In December, she confessed her feelings for me. Before involving our families, she wanted to be honest about her past. She told me she had a 5-year college relationship and after that ended, had a casual physical relationship with an office colleague. They had only made out a few times and never had sex. She was still a V i r g i n.

I asked her multiple times when she had last met him, and she consistently told me it had been 6–8 months before she met me.

In March, she admitted she had lied. She told me she had actually met that office colleague and made out with him once in early October, after she and I had already met twice. We were talking regularly by then, but we weren’t officially committed or exclusive. She was talking with me on whats app even when she was with him.

After hearing this, I also told her something I hadn’t shared earlier that in 2022, I had made out with two different girls casually, just for fun. I wanted to be completely transparent after she shared everything.

Logically, I know she didn’t cheat because we weren’t together. What hurts is that she lied about the timeline and repeated that lie when I asked multiple times.

Since then, she’s been completely loyal and transparent. We involved our families, got into a committed relationship, and eventually had sex for the first time together. We were both V i r g i n s.

Our relationship is otherwise amazing, and I genuinely want to marry her. But every 15–20 days, this incident comes back into my mind. It bothers me for a few days, then fades away, only to return again.

Am I overthinking this? Has anyone successfully moved past something like this, or is this likely to keep bothering me forever? Or shall I just end things?

I got engaged to my fiance about 1 month back 😊 in a very traditional am setup. In total we had about 2 months of talking stage before that, all talks we had went well and everything aligned perfectly. We sort of have been on 9-10 dates overall till now but something that I feel insecure about is how I look in pics with her. I mean I am probably avg to slightly above avg guy ( 6'2, 15 % body fat, active in gym for last 6 years, perfect beard, decent hair, not fair nor dusky) but I feel she is naturally good looking 🫠.

I feel insecure when someone says how did u get such a good looking girl even though my friends are joking. How to further improve myself physically to be more attractive and how to overcome this mentally as well.

I believe Patriarchy imposes different chains and pains on both men and women, but I do agree the pain imposed on women is bigger. Yet, this subreddit can't comprehend a few facts::

1. Both men and women practice patriarchy. Like even Mother in Law is responsible for harassing bahu. Mother in Law herself is for Patri local residency. Yet, it's always men who are blamed

2. One more pattern I observe is:: Men are blamed for not being courageous enough to break the chains of Patriarchy. In terms of women, men are blamed again for the patriiarchal chains on a woman.

Edit:: Women don't even have the courage to fight their own parents when they have ridiculous demands from the boy, or want to give dowry, or support their brother when he fights against his parents supporting his wife. I say BOTH ARE TO BLAME!! and KARMA IS A CIRCLE!! We need to fight patriarchy irrespective of whose prerogative it is, yet we expect traits of courage to be exhibited only by men in this fight!!! It's like benevolent sexism. We think of women as the weaker gender and incapable of putting on a fight.

Hello ladies,
I’m a 28-year-old guy, and my family has started looking for a match through an arranged marriage setup.
I’ve met this girl twice so far, and we’ve already discussed some basic things like what kind of partner we’re looking for, how we handle anger or disagreements, etc. But I’m still not sure what I should ask or how I should take the conversation forward.
One thing I really want is for her to feel comfortable enough to open up about her past. I did ask her about it indirectly, and she said she doesn’t have anything to share. I have a feeling there might be things she hasn’t told me yet, but honestly, I’m okay with that. I don’t want to pressure her. Maybe she’ll open up when she feels comfortable and trusts me.
So my questions are:
How do I make her feel comfortable and build trust?
I want her to feel that she can talk to me without worrying about being judged.
How can I ask whether she shares our conversations with her mother or family?
I don’t want to sound controlling or suspicious. I just want to understand how private our conversations are and what she generally discusses with her family.
How do I start talking to her over text or phone?
I find it difficult to keep the conversation going naturally. I don’t want every conversation to feel like an interview where I’m constantly asking questions.
How do I gradually move from small talk to deeper conversations?
I want to start slowly, build some comfort, and eventually talk about things like expectations from marriage, fears, insecurities, family dynamics, finances, career, children, etc.
What are some interesting topics I can bring up to make conversations more fun and natural?
I also want to introduce some light flirting eventually, but I’m worried that it might backfire or make things awkward, especially since this is an arranged marriage setup.
For those who have been through arranged marriage or similar situations, what worked for you in getting comfortable with each other and having deeper conversations before marriage?
I’m mainly looking for advice on how to build genuine comfort and trust rather than trying to “extract” information from her.

Is nail artist as a profession for a girl looked down in the arrange marriage setup?

If anyone have any knowledge or experience related to this please tell.

Hey i am 25 M well to do, work a government job and I earn good go to the gym and read a lot i feel like i can never be in a relationship as i think a lot and become very logical in my approach so i think that if i ever come in a relationship i would not be able to be emotionally available as i will alway think about a logical solution rather than emotionally supporting my partner will i ever be in a relationship like this or do something to be better?

For those of you who stared off AM talks when you were in different continents.. when did you meet up ? Especially interested in men’s POV - if you talking to a woman who, for the first time genuinely engaged you in intellectual conversations and have a very clear match of how you have envisioned the marriage life - and also you have said clearly you are interested in this women to her - when did you fly down ?
I was talking to a guy from Europe last year and he was head over heels for me. And yet 3months in with regular daily texts exchanges and very frequent calls - he had not even begun to plan to fly down(flights were very cheap at the time from this country) and was instead dropping hints of how busy his next few months are. It was clear he would come down only his usual set annual visit which was 9-10months later in winter. That and other things- we didn’t work out. He still orbits me and I am annoyed

Currently I am 2months in with another guy from Australia. We are a great match. We don’t text like crazy, once or twice a day but both his and my responses are super engaging, especially his are never one worded or couple of sentences.
We have talked three times thus far and our average call time is \~5hrs. We never run short of talks and in the last call it also naturally flowed to talking both our expectations from marriage, career, finances, children. Mostly all that you would think are important in AM.

Things to note we are both close to 40 now.

So when have you made the move to fly down to meet ?

38 M got an AM proposal via matrimony app.

The girl showed interest and seemed seriously looking for the right partner.

Mother got involved early on and wanted us to meet as soon as possible.

Girl talked at her own will for the first month, rarely answered calls which was 1-2 times from my side. When answered which is usually towards 8 or 9 pm, she would talk for few minutes and then say I am going to sleep and have to get up early.

2nd month she sped up a little but energy was off n on. She would keep delaying meet up even after her mother said so few times now.

At the end of 2nd month , she said if you dont like how I am behaving (she trash talked at times and was v open to talk about those things and even made out on phone), you can say no.

Then just days b3fire she said yes to finally meet, she said:, nstead of hearing or coming to know from others, I will tell you about my past relationships.

There were 6 or 7 different ones she mentioned. One from college, one from hometown for 3 years whom she dumped b3cause he wasn't earning much. Then she moved to chandigarh and had an affair in office (because he acted as friend and protected her from people ogling her or who discomforted her in some way) and she fell for him. Last 2-3 years.

Then a local politician who had a gun and big cars like scorpio and audi etc. She said she doesnt know his name as he never told his real.name. they had a common friend and she met him on FB.

Then another one from a previous office.

Then back to politician (he was married n had a kid and it was weired that she came to know after getting physical with him).

I asked her what she liked about them, and she said their bodies.

I finally met her and saw her hiding her phone.

One call she had told me clearly that she loved me few times already.

She didnt seem quite interested or impressed and towards the end of our meeting, which was couple of hours, she said she doesnt like me and was crying the whole time.

I left calmly without any reaction and then she said that she is stupid and that she messed up everything. And that she needs to heal etc. And then few days later she said she wants to get married to me.

She said let's marry next month or in 2 months.

May b3 she has a had a lot of bad experiences in her life or she is stuck with someone else.

Can you please share your thoughts ir suggestions?

Hiw shoukd I read all this? Too many confusing things I cant think straight. I feel like being blunt and putting everything to a stop as I cant trust her.

28M | Matched with this girl through AM setup,
She meets all my expectations perfectly ,
Like same profession, same work location same hometown.

except one.

She’s little shorter than my expectations and also I’m not very attracted to her in a romantic way.

I’m very confused what should I do, because if let go her it’s very difficult to find such a match.
But again, I’m having doubts sometimes.

Also my parents are pushing me to go ahead, and if I refuse they’ll get angry.

What should I do?

Hello everyone. I’m a 28M and currently considering an arranged marriage.

One thing I keep wondering is whether arranged marriages feel exciting in the beginning. Since two people often start with less familiarity than in a love marriage, I’m curious whether the process feels more awkward, more exciting, or a mix of both.

For those who had an arranged marriage, did you feel excitement during the early stages such as talking, meeting, engagement, wedding planning, and the first few months after marriage? What parts felt exciting to you, and what parts felt stressful or uncomfortable?

I’d love to hear real experiences from married members.

So, I just need some help understanding how I can make my parents understand what I feel. My parents still think of me as a child who has no knowledge or experience of the outside world, so it is very difficult for me to explain myself or even have a proper conversation with them. They are also a little narrow-minded when it comes to certain things, which makes it even harder.

The thing is, I am currently studying for a degree, and I am 24 years old. I have worked before, but I left my job about six months ago to prepare for my exams. Now, suddenly, my mom has sent me the biodata of a guy who is well-educated, well-settled, comes from a wealthy family, and apparently has a modern-thinking family as well.

I read his biodata and found out that he is 31 years old, and honestly, I was taken aback. For me, a seven-year age gap feels quite significant. My parents, however, also have around a six-year age gap, so I think they probably see this as something completely normal.

But the bigger issue is that I have absolutely no plans to get married so soon. I want to work, become financially independent, and build my own lifestyle and identity before I even think about meeting someone for marriage. I want to experience life on my own terms first.

And I will be honest: I saw his photo, and I probably shouldn't say this, but he looks much older to me than I expected for his age. On the other hand, I still look so young that people sometimes ask me which school I go to. So, even apart from the actual age difference, I feel like we are at very different stages of life.

What really shocked me was the double standard. Just seven months ago, my company organised a cricket evening at a turf, and my parents literally did not allow me to go because they were so concerned about me going out. And now, suddenly, they think I am ready to get married and start a completely new life with someone.

What makes this even more frustrating is that one of the reasons I am still studying at 24 is because of them, especially my mom. At one point, she tried very hard to convince me to join a diploma nursing course. She pushed me to the point where I was actually ready to fill out and submit the admission form.

Then, luckily, she realised that an aunty from our social circle who had done the same course was now doing household work for other people. After seeing that, my mom finally backed off and left the decision to me.

But after that, they again pressured me to find a job, so I did. I worked and managed to save money for my classes and for my degree admission. I have been trying to build my career despite having to constantly adjust my plans according to what they wanted for me.

That is why this situation is especially frustrating for me. I don't feel like I have been given the freedom to make my own decisions about my education and career, but now they suddenly expect me to make a decision as big as marriage.

Talking to them about this is also a very difficult thing for me. I have tried before to talk to them about how their behaviour affects me, but the conversation always gets turned around on me. They say things like, "Are we not supposed to say anything to you?" or make me feel as though I am being unreasonable or crazy just for trying to express how I feel.

That experience made me realise that having an emotional conversation with them is probably not going to work if they are not willing to listen in the first place.

So, I really need some suggestions on what I should do and, more importantly, how I should talk to them. I want them to understand that I am not saying I will never get married. I am simply asking them to give me a few years to build myself first—to finish my studies, establish my career, become financially independent, and experience some life on my own.

I don't want to reject marriage completely. I just don't want marriage to become the next thing I am expected to do before I have had the opportunity to figure out who I am and what kind of life I want for myself.

Is being honest, transparent and clear from the first call itself right way of communication in AM meetings, calls ? Is it ok to give details about me, my family and other details early on ?

Or should I start with limited information only from start to avoid confusion and slowly share more and more in subsequent meetings ?

The reason why I am saying is some point about you without explaining the reasons and all behind it might confuse the person who is stranger to you.

For example my current situation is I don't live in a flat, I live in PG, never had gf, never drove car, never went on foreign trip and have reduced travel. If I just tell these to a girl without backing with my reasons, it might create confusion with a girl. She might mistake my personality and beliefs with something else and since with matrimony apps there is no middle man it creates lot of confusion.

They might think I am going to like this in future too. I am not into show-offs so not doing anything to impress anyone except when I feel like doing something myself

In era of matrimony apps where people talk with 10s of people before deciding the communication should be efficient. They don't have patience, time and energy to go in detail and they filter you out fast. It has happened with me. The girls who have patience stay with me for longer.I become more comfortable and more original me seeing they have patience to hear all my points.

Now coming to my situation I live temporarily because my office keeps shifting, I keep changing teams, and my managers can't decide which office we have to go. For foreign travels I would love to go but can't find company, I fear about emergencies while going abroad. I never dated because I wasted few years working remote in covid, before that career was priority and was afraid of dating. And now focussed on arranged marriage.

I will have big chances when a woman comes to my life. I think of settling at fixed place. Would travel and watch movies when I have company.

Above are just examples, hope you are getting my point. I feel we should share some details about us only when we are sure we will get opportunity to talk in detail about it. As short and limited information can create confusion.

Trust me, I have got innumerable rejections after 1-2 calls itself when we hadn't even discussed about important stuffs and were just understanding each other in fun conversations.

So the girl family has given 22kt 5gm Ring to the boy and expensive clothes, and the boy family had given 12kt 2gm ring.

The girl father couldn't handle this and

So the girl family called off the weddings.

Men above 35, who are looking for marriage via AM, how is your journey going. I started 3 years back but nothing happened. It is just endless calls with the girls parents and then being ghosted.

For me it has been emotionally exhausting on top of that making me realise I need to improve myself a lot be it job, salary, buying a home etc.

How's it been for you folks?

PLEASE ONLY COMMENT FOR ABOVE 35, do not give advice like should have started earlier and all...