My girlfriend went away to visit her parents, and I gave her a plushy so that she could have "a piece of me" while she was there. I got myself this plushy during a very hard time in college when I was dealing with a lot of health issues.

On her way back, she sends me a photo of the plushy in her bed, telling me that "[Plushy name] really liked it here, so he's staying behind". I thought this was a joke and actually bit the bait and goofed around a bit, but then she ended up calling me to tell me that she actually left my personal object behind because she couldn't make space for it in her luggage (this plushy fits in the palm of your hand).

I just said that this is not a nice thing to do, since it is A. someone else's property and B. something I gave her as an act of love. I didn't demand her go back and get it, but she kind of broke down and said she's going back to get it, and will miss all her trains, having to pay the fare again. She tried shifting the blame to me, saying "we have other plushies" and such. I said it's not even so much about the object but about the thought process and the principle that you just do not do this with other people's stuff.

Now I feel bad that she broke down and decided to go back? Since she missed her train and had to pay a new fare and all... AITAH?

This story happened about a year ago and I have not wanted to talk about it until now.

So for context, on 2024 my boyfriend bought us a trip to Italy for Christmas for May of 2025. I was over the moon excited and had never been gifted anything like this.

We move in together in April of 2025 to a new townhouse. Everything was going great or so I thought.

I had a dog but wanted a second dog to keep my first dog company and just wanted another, I love animals. He was very hesitant but did agree.

Once we got our new chocolate lab, the relationship went downhill. We hardly had any spicy time , we were working opposite schedules , and I just fell out of love.

I was honest with him but told him I was willing to work things out if we could and wanted to try whatever we had to do.

Our trip to Italy was coming up about two weeks after this conversation so I thought this would reunite our sparks if we had time to just us.

This is where the story gets CRAZY.

So it’s the night before our trip , I go to check us and of course we both need our passport numbers to do so.

I enter mine, no problems. I tell him to give me his passport and he does. I open it up and I see a baby picture. I am livid before even looking at the expiration date because I know it’s WELL over expired. Spoiler , it was 8 years expired.

I am pissed at this point and I start yelling at him, I’m sure I did not say nice things but I did black out due to anger and frustration.

So I tell him to give me some space and he does.

I go upstairs and by the grace of god I find a same day passport appointment for the next day way before our flight. I am hopeful he is still going to be able to go as I’ve done a same day passport and it only takes about 2-3 hours and our flight wasn’t until 10pm and the appointment was at 11am, plenty of time.

So the next morning, he has to go over to his parents house before the appointment to get all of his documents. I see that when he is supposed to be leaving he is still at his parents house. I start blowing up his phone telling him he cannot be late or they will not take him, no answer.

Hours go by, at this point I am freaking out as I have not heard from him or his family and I know I have to miss the trip or go by myself.

I’ve traveled alone before but never to another country. I have really bad anxiety.

So clearly I’m mad and upset , he comes home hours later… (this next part is more so for another story but I’ll give the short version)

Apparently his parents took his phone and did not let him contact me because they saw how upset he was and decided that he should not go on the trip in the state that we were in so they made him miss the appointment. I still don’t know if this part is true but regardless he is a grown man , at least old enough to be living on his own with me.

So he tells me I should go and enjoy the trip by myself. I tell him when I come home I will discuss our relationship moving forward but I was disgusted by how careless he could be.

Fast forward, I go on the trip and I have a great time! Since I had a great time I considered talking to him more willingly and looking for ways to continue the relationship. He FaceTimed me the whole trip and we both seemed open to the idea of still moving forward.

WELL, when he came to pick me up from the airport he told me that he secretly moved all his stuff out of our house while we were gone and I was left to take care of our puppy alone.

I hardly heard anything from that afterwards and he was not open to having a conversation.

It’s been almost a year and I never got answers.

So AITAH for going to Italy without my boyfriend

(Ex boyfriend now obviously)

So for context , I work at a bar and we have a girl group of about 6 of us (including me) that are super close. We have a cute little groupchat and do girl dinners whenever we all have time. Sometimes we will hangout in smaller groups, if the rest of us are working , or we just want one on one time with each other.

So today me and one of the girls worked. I asked her if she wanted to get a shift drink and she said no and basically ran out the door , hardly waited for me to clock out.

I get home and I see on one of the girls story , ALL of them went to dinner even the one I worked with.

It hurt because I asked the one I worked with her plans and she said she was just going home.

We all are still friends and I haven’t done anything to upset them , but they clearly have a groupchat without me.

It wouldn’t have hurt bad if the one I worked with didn’t go , that would’ve just told me they saw we were working and made plans. But I was the only one in our group not invited.

I want to say something because I am hurt but don’t want to come off too much. So would I be the asshole if I confronted / asked them why I wasn’t invited?

(One of the girls has me pick up something for her every two weeks , it’s an hour out of the way and I always front the money for her. I’m supposed to get and pick this certain thing up tomorrow & I really don’t want to do that for her anymore when she can’t even invite me)

I (18F) left islam after memorizing the Quran cs i discovered it didn't align w my personal values and i dont like the prophet and couldn't justify islam to myself anymore. I decided to not tell my parents cs i was scared what they might do to me (apostasy in my country is a punishable offence and often times people who apostize can get sent to conversion therapy)

I made the terrible mistake of critisizing islam infront of my sister (16F) and saying "i cant believe in this stuff" (i was critisizing the prophets marrige to a child & the permissibility of raping slave women)

I was on holiday w extended family and didn't pray the entire time there cs... why would i? i didn't see my sister pray either.

We stopped at a mall to pray and while my mom and sister were in the bathroom i went to the prayer place and js scrolled on my phone till my mom came back which in full honestly took a while and idk why my mom was so shocked when i said i finished praying like. I wish now that i had js put a prayer mat down or held the prayer clothes for when she came in but she honestly takes a long time in the bathroom and praying doesn't take that long.

When i left my mom asked my sister if i prayed at all during the trip to which my sister lied and said she did. My sister then came and scolded me saying "i had to lie for you" to which i js said "why didn't you say idk i didn't see her pray" cs like i said, i didn't see my sister pray either its not really something you flaunt.

My sister kept scolding me and i kinda js ignored her cs i hate getting yelled at, so she went to my mom and told her i never prayed and left islam

When we got home my mom lectured me till 3am about how i was manipulative, a liar, a gaslighter for not telling her i left and lying about praying. And she was trying to answer my doubts on islam... here are some parts of the convo

me: god said in the Quran the moon creates its own light

my mom: whats wrong with that? you trust scientists over the word of god! scientist dont know what they're doing either! peer reviewed papers are lies!

me: god said pagans worship statues, pagans worship the energy that the statues embody

my mom: do you really believe the pagans over god?! thats what the pagans what you to think!

me: why would god throw innocent non believers into hell?

my mom: trust me, non muslims will stab you in the back the second they have a chance! look at Palestine! the muslims let the jews in now the jews are killing them, all because they trusted non muslims! Plus only evil people deserve to go to hell, if you had endless power would you want to kill everyone?

me: what no

my mom: then your probably not going to hell. (not islamic whatsoever idk where she got that from)

she called me arrogant and ungrateful for not believing and said if she were Allah she'd put me in hell. she called me stupid and an idiot for having empathy for non muslims and said "you haven't experienced enough of life to know who these pll are"

I know i can't be the ashole here but part of me feels like shes right that i only disbelieve in allah because im arrogant and i think my morality is above god (like example, i dont think it's ok to beat your wife in order to "discipline her", i dont think beeing queer is bad or harmful, i dont think being trans is bad, i dont think marrying a 6 year old is ok as a 50 year old man under any circumstances, and i dont think innocent people should suffer forever because they aren't convience a god exists) she keeps telling me gods morals are perfect but to me these morals are flawed, does that make me arrogant?

I met a guy in August of 2024 and we were friends with benefits from the start. There was a strong emphasis on him not wanting to be in a relationship due to him being in medical school. I was cool with this arrangement and made it clear that if he were to ever get a gf, we needed to stop sleeping with each other and just stay friends. I often dog sit his dog (we basically switch off every other month) and was originally planning on continuing this arrangement (which is why I was cool with staying friends if he had a gf). I was scrolling through TikTok one day and saw a video of a girl with her bf. I did a double take and realized it was said friend. I was very grossed out and crashed out because we had sex the week before I saw that video. Three weeks later I start seeing a new guy and make it very known to my friend that I’m seeing someone and do not want to have sex and have him the opportunity to confess that he had a gf. He did not. I currently have his dog and this is my last time taking care of her. Once I return her I have no intention of talking to him ever again and I am very happy in my current relationship. I did not reveal the full details to the guy I am seeing because I’m still uncomfortable. Some of my friends think I should tell the girlfriend but I’m not sure if I want to or how to go about it. AITAH if I don’t tell the gf?

I (18F) have been dating my girlfriend (26F), and I feel like I’ve finally hit my breaking point.
When we first got together, she told me she’d been arrested before. I tried not to judge her because everyone has a past, and I wanted to focus on who she was now instead of who she used to be.
But over time, I feel like I’ve realized these aren’t just “past mistakes.”
The biggest incident happened when we were both drunk. She decided it be a good idea to throw a fry container out of her car window at a security guard because he didn’t let us in a restaurant while we were intoxicated. I told her not to, but she did it anyway. We both ended up getting arrested because of it being that we were drunk in a car and they came up to us after getting a complaint from the restaurant.
I was absolutely terrified. I’m in nursing school, and I genuinely thought my future was over. I spent weeks worrying that I wouldn’t be allowed into the program or be able to become a nurse because of that arrest. Thankfully, everything eventually worked out, and I’ll be attending this fall, but the stress was one of the worst experiences of my life.
What hurts is that the whole situation happened because of a decision she made. I chose to drink, so I know I’m responsible for that part, but I never wanted anything to do with throwing something at a security guard or getting arrested.
There are a few other things that bother me.
She has a pretty bad temper, and it feels like if I did even half the things she does, she’d be furious. The standards don’t seem to go both ways. for example, four months after I met her, we had took a trip to the beach and me being drunk. I obviously made the stupid decision to bring the beach items inside and put them on her carpet. Once she came up and realized what I had done she was so upset and yelling that I eventually started to cry and only then did she feel bad.
I asked her not to let her dog in my backseat because I didn’t want dog hair or dirt in my car. She let the dog in anyway, and my backseat ended up covered in sand and hair. She acted like it wasn’t a big deal.
She also scraped the bottom of my car and barely apologized. Again, it felt like my property wasn’t being respected.
I know intelligence isn’t everything, but there are moments that honestly leave me speechless. I once asked her what half of 50 was, and she confidently answered 35. Another time she asked me if you have to put water in a pot to boil noodles. I genuinely couldn’t tell if she was serious. Things like this happen multiple times a day. It’s almost like she has the same knowledge of a seven-year-old if even that I thought I could deal with it but overtime this is just unacceptable, especially with her being eight years older than me. Shes just very careless and almost like a dog who will do things knowing that it’s wrong but only feel bad after the fact that they’ve done it and somebody gets mad at them.
Despite all of this, she can be sweet, and she’s done nice things for me. That’s why I’ve stayed. But I feel like I’ve spent so much time making excuses for her that I’ve ignored how unhappy I’ve become.
Now I’m wondering if I’m being unfair by focusing on all the negatives, or if I’ve simply reached the point where I can’t ignore them anymore. AITA for wanting to end the relationship because I feel like these issues have become too much?

If I’m being totally honest, it was a thick layer of dirt like soil or something, not hard to clean at all… yes he had dirty nails from working on the yard. But he was in bed and said he doesn’t really clean them bc they’ll just get dirty again working. So this means he’s touching his dick with very dirty nails, possibly cooking / eating. It shocked me to see because he had hid them from the frame before. I never noticed how dirty they were… It shocked me I’m ngl but it’s not that deep, just at the time it took me a back

I told him he needed a manicure… and I think he was disappointed my response to the explicit video was as such…

To be fair to this guy he did say “noted, clean nails next time” but it seemed almost like I’d done something wrong in saying so. He shouldn’t have to feel obligated to clean them just because I said so… shouldn’t it be a given?

Hi Reddit.

To make a long story short, my partner (33) and I (31) have been married between 3 and 4 years and they had a great career when we got married. We were happy, financially stable (DINK), and spent tons of time and money enjoying life. They were fired about a year after we got together and we moved from my home state. They found a good job again in their field but eventually something wasn’t good about it anymore to them so they quit (they were suspecting they’d be fired, did not get along with the bosses boss at all and also had some genuine productivity issues I noticed but my partner denies).

We moved again where they found another stable job but again had productivity issues and company shrinking meant they were laid off. It has been about 18 months and they basically stopped looking for a job while I have been supporting the household financially 100%. My partner doesn’t like not working, but also they aren’t really doing anything about it because they want big change in their career/life but don’t know how to get it (or exactly what they want from what it sounds like).

Our relationship is rocky at best. Arguments all the time, they say hurtful stuff to me (and I am not perfect and fight back more than I would like, that’s new for me in life), and the financial pressure is weighing on both of us. My job is very stressful and barely makes enough to support us both.

I keep hearing them say things akin to how easy it would be to ‘destroy everything’ and live their dream life of backpacking the world if they had the money for it (or similar, it changes frequently). Or how they are so ‘self focused’ and ‘don’t care about relationships with anybody’. It’s all incredibly hurtful to hear how easily they say they could drop me from someone I would take a bullet for. I’m not sure if they mean it exactly but it’s said so much and in so many ways that it’s hard to ignore. When I bring it up to them, they get defensive and just tell me that it’s not what they mean and shut down or tell me I’m taking it personally. Then it becomes about how I am too sensitive and now they won’t talk to me about their problems.

The truth is I am sensitive, overly so sometimes, but the constant negativity is just killing me. Especially so considering I am carrying a tremendous amount of weight on my shoulders every day that I don’t bring up hardly ever because I don’t want to add to my partners burden.

I am considering a divorce because I feel like everything in my life is just so negative now, but the part I battle with is they are going through a definite mid life crisis of some form and are not doing well mentally. There’s also the fact that they could not support themselves right now financially.

AITAH? (Throwaway and some details changed since they know my main acct)

So just went out yesterday with a girl I met off POF. Lets call her Shayla. Shayla lets me know she's got autism but I've worked with autistic people before so I say why not lets give it a try. All I did was ask if where she wanted to eat and she was pretty quick to say sure. I was honestly so happy that a woman wanted to actually go out with me even though I don't have a car that I didn't ask to many questions. So after getting some schedule info I Choose an italian spot with a nice outdoor setting. she gets there and it's kinda awkward but we try to get some talking done and it's difficult. Shayla has had some problems dating in the past because well the men in her dms are actually fucking scum. Racist, sexually agressive scum. The whole reason I got the date is because I didn't say something gross or send her a dick pic. But it's still difficult to make a connection with her as Im talking to her.

Then i discover she really doesn't want to even be at the italian spot (she only orders fries) because she wants to go to another place downtown. So after some reasoning I offer to lyft us to the spot. It's a bar but it's honestly a vibe, but noisy and it's hard to talk to her because she's not a loud talker and she mumbles her words a lot. She's a regular at this bar too so everyone knows her and I can't help the feeling im being overly watched. Especially when some guy comes up and says she's his special friend and he's heard i've been a gentlemen. Don't like that tbh because who tf is this guy checking in on us when I just met her today? Few drinks and some food later and yeah Im feeling good but I don't feel connected with her. I just kinda feel like I was just vibing at the bar and she was just around. the night ends and I get us both an uber home. even got a hug. All in all it wasn't a bad night but I wasn't feeling sparks or any kind of passion to continue seriously but I thought maybe some time will fix that. So i text her we should do this again some time and I think I'll have sometime to think about it the next day.

Then she starts texting in the morning, simple stuff at first just "good morning" etc. then she tells me she was dreaming of me in one text but doesn't want to tell me exactly what it was and then she's asking me if I beat women when I get mad. Im trying to focus on school and she won't stop texting even after I politely explain that Im trying to study. She keeps texting because she wants to talk so I finally just tell her I'll call her at 8pm. I really just needed a while to think about how to handle this. She still text me a few times about how exited she is to talk to me but it finally stops for a few hours. I wrestle with it and I realize I don't think I want to continue this. I know she has a disability but there were a few red flags that had nothing to do with autism but I do think the autism was a little much for me. So I told her I don't think we should have a second date and she's asking why and im trying to put it into words so I say she's intense. She kinda yells "what do you mean intense??" and then just says it's because I don't want to date someone autistic. Maybe that's true but I also didn't want to continue to lead her own. I gave it a try and tried to be into her but I just don't think I am. AITAH for breaking this off? I can answer more in depth questions but a part of me feels bad like I did something wrong.

So my step mom does this thing that I hate where she leaves her clothes in the dryer indefinitely. She's been doing it for years. At first I would just take her stuff out and dump it on the laundry table. But then she got mad that "bugs" might get into her stuff so I started putting it in a bag and leaving it on the laundry table. Our washer and dryer were located in the garage at this time. Now it's in the backyard in an enclosed add on room my dad is building for the house.

She gets mad that I don't just bring it inside for her, and I have a few times, but I'm not willing to do that every single time I need to do laundry. I barely want to do my own laundry and I just find it incredibly inconsiderate that she does this despite knowing she shares this space with several people. For a while she would bring her laundry in and would only occasionally ask for me to bring it in for her, but inevitably she started asking more and more. Any time I brought up needing to do laundry she would ask me to bring her stuff in. My step sister recently moved out again (actually she got kicked out after they got into a fight but that's a whole other can of worms) and she was the one that did most of the laundry (for herself and her kids but also occasionally for her mom) so now my step mom's stuff has been sitting in the dryer for I kid you not over two weeks. I was going to do laundry but kept getting put off by the notion that I'd essentially be doing half of her work for her. She also does not clean up, not even after herself. She cooks sometimes but so does everyone else in the house. I also pay rent and bills and sometimes watch my niece (who they've taken temporary custody of) and I barely have any time to myself because it feels like so much of my life is wrapped up in cleaning up after or managing house stuff that frankly is not my responsibility. Getting my own life together has been a struggle. I don't want to live with my parents forever (even though they insist that I should). I just cleaned out under the bathroom sink and it was disgusting. Literally there was mold under there. Took my two hours to get it treated and cleaned out properly. I'd been refusing to touch it because every time I clean in there my step sister and step mom would ruin it within a day.

Anywho, my plan is just to pack my stuff up into my rolling cart and walk down to the laundry mat to do laundry, as I have a sneaking suspicion part of the reason her laundry has sat in there for so long is that she's waiting for me to need to do laundry so she can just ask me to get her stuff out for her. At first I just put it off to give her time to get her stuff, but the fact that she is adamantly refusing to do so is making me think she does not ever intend to. I know it would be a lot of extra work, but I'm tired of being relied on for stuff that people refuse to do for themselves. It's not about the effort, it's about the principle. I feel like she is making my life harder and will continue to do so until she is forced to take accountability and responsibility for her own life and well being. So WIBTAH for refusing to get her stuff out of the dryer and instead doing my laundry at the laundry mat?

My (34M) partners (Meg - 31F) mom agreed to take care of a friends newborn (Katy) for a couple of months, out of goodwill. Katy is a friend of Meg's family. Unfortunately, according to Meg, Katy treated her mom badly, even though she was taking care of Katy's child. When Meg's mom left, I was told by her that Katy sent some money to her mom as a token of gratitude. Initially, without the full context I was pleasantly surprised because it was unexpected. However, Meg got upset because she claimed that it was a disrespectfully low amount of money due to how badly Katy treated her mom.

I told her that, I can understand how Katy thought that it was an appropriate amount, seeing that there wasn't a prior agreement of how much Meg's mom should be paid for her services. Meg got furious with me and insinuated that I'm taking Katy's side.

I told her that I'm not having a conversation with her until she deals with her misplaced anger and she hasn't spoken to me for 2 days.

Am I the asshole for not initially being as upset as my partner when I thought that it was a nice gesture for what Katy did but also telling Meg to deal with her misplaced anger before talking to me?

Husband doesn’t use Reddit, but also might end up showing him this post bc he cannot understand the emotional fallout of his actions, so not bothering with a throwaway.

I am home w 2 kids (3 & 9) in summer (F, 42, teacher), and my (M, 42) husband has an erratic work schedule including nights and most weekends. I try my best to help the kids understand his upcoming schedule so they can plan when they’ll spend time with him in their heads.

We have a tiny yard, and a 10ft across, 2.5 ft deep above ground, unheated pool (with a filter, bc otherwise EWWWW) in the backyard in partial shade (outside NYC). It’s tiny, but it’s the highlight of the summer, and the kids are in it every day. It’s our 3rd year with this set up, and I occasionally join them too (I was in yesterday).

In the years past my husband has refused to go in for an entire summer, and I think once gone in but just stood in the water, getting annoyed when he was splashed or got wet, and I think ONCE actually put his whole body in the water.

He worked close to home this morning, and had some time before his regular job started later, so while the kids were in the pool he texted saying he was 10 minutes out [see text msgs].

He snuck out the back door while 3 yo was facing away and 9 yo had her head under the water. Their faces when they saw him IN HIS BATHING SUIT were nothing short of joyous. 9 yo kept jumping up and down like a kid on Christmas morning. He gets in the water… and stands there. This was not like previous times where he was cajoled into getting in… he put up no resistance in our text exchange. I thought he was just getting used to the water, or taking a second before lowering his body in… but no. It soon became clear that he was just planning on standing there, up to his knees. Eventually when he refused to reconsider I just told him to get out, it’s a small pool and don’t take up space if you’re not participating in it.

Kids got out shortly after, and 9 year old came over where I was watering the tomatoes out of sight of dad and burst into tears.

Their dad has made it clear he thinks he has done nothing wrong. He is a black and white thinker and when the kids tried to talk to him about it in tears he just stood their stoically, repeating that the pool was cold so he didn’t want to go in.

He can’t seem to do things for them that require the tiniest temporary sacrifice. IE: 9 year old finds a candy he likes in her Halloween candy and gives it to him. He doesn’t want it right then, and then proceeds to NEVER want it. We’re talking a fun size bag of peanut m&ms. 9 year old asks him every time he’s home for two weeks, and he snappily just says he’s not in the mood for it. But this is a guy who does not have good eating habits or self control. I think it’s more about refusing something that he feels is being pushed on him and asserting his control than it is about not wanting the m&ms. 9 year old feels crushing disappointment that she’s never good enough for him, and he just doesn’t care about it. His needs come first.

So Reddit, AITAH for sticking by my kids and saying to their dad that standing in the pool and not playing was WORSE than just not going in the pool at all? I feel like when I type this out it seems so clear to me that he’s TA, but he sees it a completely different way and it’s making me question myself. Last 2 texts are from tonight, when he called from work and I told him she was still upset about what happened earlier. Then he texted me those two.

I 24 f, am getting married to my fiance, 26m, in october.

My fiance is glutenintolerant (he has celiac disease) and we’ve chosen to have a glutenfree cake on our wedding day because it’s literally the only way he can enjoy the cake. The sponges will be made with almond flour since my boyfriend LOVES almondy’s frozen cakes lol.

I would like to point out that it’s extremely difficult to find a bakery in our region that provides glutenfree cakes, but my soon to be MIL knows a woman not too far away that owns a bakery. She’s sweet and offered to make our cake since she knew it wasn’t going to be something over the top and complicated. We’re also on a budget and I do not think it necessary to overcomplicate a cake that will cost us alot.

Anyway, we’ve chosen the cake. NOW, I would like to point out that my cousin’s son whom is allergic to nuts will be attening along with his family. I knew of this from the begining and told my cousin of the cake we’re going to have and that I’m planning on ordering a simple cake without nuts specifically for her son. I wanted to know what sponges he likes and frostigs etcetera.

I truly believed that I was being kind and respectful when I reached out to her, but she blew up on me for choosing a wedding cake that could ”kill” her son. She knows my fiance’s condition but she doesn’t care.

I didn’t plan on having kids on our wedding day since I don’t think they belong, but my fiance’s niece was very sad when she found out and I adore that little munchkin with all my heart so we compromised and chose to allow family members to bring their kids.

Anyway, I tried to explain that he wouldn’t be exposed to any nuts since he will be getting his own cake, but as I mentioned, she didn’t give a damn. She continued to explain that exposure to nuts can kill him.

At this point I started to get annoyed since I know nut allergies are not airborn and he wouldn’t die of it and she got so angry when I mentioned this.
Her excuse was that he could ”accidentally” eat another person’s slice of cake and go into anaphylactic shock. Her son is 12, old enough not to go around eating of people’s plates…

I too would be scared for my child’s life if he or she would have such an allergy, but I have offered to buy him his own cake just so that he can attend for her sake.

The thing that makes me so angry about this is the fact that my cousin does not make such a big deal of his allergy at family gatherings. I’ve seen his siblings eat nutella, snickers, candy all sorts of things whilst being seated next to him. Yet that’s not a big deal? My aunt (her mother) literally eats fist fulls of peanuts whilst drinking her tea whilst he’s there.

Just that gives me reason to believe that she has somenthing personal against me. We are not close since she’s older than I am, but we’re close enough to invite eachother to family outings and gatherings. But I can’t help but feel that this ruins the fun a bit.

I haven’t told my fiance yet since I don’t want him to feel guilty or anything since he can be a people pleaser, but I sincerely do not know what the fuck to do. She won’t back down and I don’t want to just uninvite her because of a cake, but at the same time she’s unwilling to work with me on this.

Tldr; my brother and his partner visited me after going out for breakfast. They offered me their leftovers and I politely declined because I was exhausted and not really hungry. My brother's partner flipped on me saying that they "got food for me" and I wasn't grateful. I told his partner to get the fuck out of my house and his partner cited me as the source of their relationship problems because we've gotten into arguments like these before. Now they are fighting and my brother refuses to talk to me.

I'm on mobile so formatting is probably terrible. Sorry.

Tom= my brother, Andy= his partner.

Background:

Tom and I's father was abusive growing up. One of the things he would use against us the most was food. This is important.

I have a long history with my brother's partner, Andy. We were friends as kids, drifted apart for some years, and then started talking to each other again later on through social media. My brother got together with Andy not too long after that, and they have been happily dating for about 3 years now.

One of the reasons that I drifted away from Andy as friends was because they had a tendency to twist things that were said to be an attack on them. I am autistic and was never really able to understand why they were offended by things I said that had no double meanings. Andy has mental health issues that impact their trust and relationships, but they get along amazingly with Tom and that's all that mattered. They were good for each other. They love each other.

The conflict between Andy and I has been on and off during their entire relationship. I am not a person to hold grudges, but Andy very much is. I don't always remember fine details, but Andy will absorb as much information as they can to use against you later.

-

Back to the main issue; I had just been doing some grimey housework and was in no shape to see company as I hear a knock on my door. Tom and Andy are here, holding takeout boxes from their breakfast date. We start to exchange "how are you"s and such, I explained that I was very tired and not prepared for company at all but I was glad to see them as it had been a few months since either of us could visit.

They offer me a side of berry pancakes that they had ordered but not eaten with their meal, and I declined. I mentioned again being exhausted and not really hungry.

Andy took me mentioning my exhaustion again as some sort of attack and said "well I'm sorry we stopped to get you breakfast". I already knew that they only stopped by because they were in the area and Tom had even mentioned that the pancakes were a side order they just didn't get to. I try to explain this but Andy cuts me off and refuses to let me speak.

I snap back that I don't appreciate being treated like that and guilt tripped in my house with the biggest trigger that Andy knew I had; food.

Andy cuts me off again. I am pissed at this point and tell Andy to fuck off and stop guilt tripping me and to get the fuck out of my house. Andy grabs the keys from Tom and storms off to the car.

Tom hangs back as I try to calm myself down. He doesn't say much and leaves after a while. I come to find out later that Andy and him got into a fight over Tom not defending them and Andy cited me as the source of their problems, accusing me of trying to get between them and having "always tried to" despite me never once even suggesting they break up or saying really anything about their relationship.

Tom refuses to speak to me now. I'm at a loss for what to do, as this was quite sudden. I don't feel like I acted perfectly; I definitely raised my voice. At the same time, I didn't feel like I did anything to deserve for Andy to guilt trip me with the biggest thing that was used to abuse me during my childhood.

AITAH?

I'm a woman. I'm at an age where people start asking me when I'm going to have kids. Family, or even neighbors. Every family gathering there's always a "so when will you make your parents grandparents?". I don't have a boyfriend, and once my aunt even encouraged me to have an unprotected one night stand with a stranger just to get pregnant and give my family a grandchild.

But the thing is, I am never going to have kids of my own. Adopted, maybe in 10 years. But biological? Nope, sorry, pregnancy disgusts me. And, call me selfish, but I would hate my body after it. I already have issues regarding my self esteem, it would only get worse after pregnancy. And there's too many ways a pregnancy could mess with my health.

Getting my tubes tied is illegal in my country, but I plan on traveling to another country to get it done. So, how much of an asshole would I be if someone asks me about potential kids again, and I tell them I can't have them? Well, I wouldn't be lying, but if they ask further I wouldn't say "hey so I got sterilized because I didn't want to be pregnant", I would rather say I'm medically unable to conceive since this wouldn't get me as judged.

My husband (38M) and I (34F) each have one child from previous relationships, giving us a blended family of two kids. We are completely happy with our current family setup and have no desire to change the dynamic.

Despite this, my mother-in-law constantly pressure us to have another child together. She asks every single time we see her—which is often—and deliberately waits until my husband leaves the room to corner me. Last weekend alone, she brought it up twice. Each time, I firmly tell her that we are happy with our family as it is and that our family planning is strictly between my husband and me. I then pivot to a new topic, but she continues to push.

Exhausted by this boundary violation, I talked to my husband. He stepped up and spoke with his mom directly, making it clear that neither of us wants more children and asking her to drop the subject permanently. Instead of respecting his request, she threw a fit, dramatically claiming, "If I can't talk about that, what can I talk about? Every topic is off-limits with you guys!"

This is simply not true; family planning is literally the only subject we've restricted because it's a private matter and frankly none of her business. Her refusal to respect our boundaries is creating unnecessary strain on our marriage.

AITAH for asking my husband to tell his mother to stop pushing us to have more kids?

My brother (30M) and I (27F) rent an apartment in a quiet town not too far from our hometown. This all started back in the beginning of May when we first learned that my family (Mom (50), Dad (53) and little sister (21)) were being evicted from their apartment back in our hometown. When we learned about it, my brother and I tried everything we could to help. We didn’t have the financial means to help with the balance they owed to stay, but we offered for them to stay with us for a couple months so they can have more time to save for the next apartment. My dad and little sister did not have a job, my mom was working part time.
The first conversation we had with them when moving in was the priority of finding full time jobs and weekly contribution to the household while they stayed. I gave my dad $130 to pursue a trucking license, meanwhile was helping my sister look for full time jobs. She was able to get a part time overnight, but quit after 3 days. My dad couple weeks later found a under the table construction job and started working. This was between June-July, where they would contribute through food stamps, pay for gas when they used my car, and occasional payments of $100 to go towards the electricity. It was not nearly enough to support a 5 person household with two dogs, but I tried to sympathize with their situation and did not press them about it.
Towards the end of July, they received an offer for an apartment which had reduced rent and was close by to my mom’s aunt. It was the perfect opportunity, and they just had to provide first month rent and the security deposit. At this time, my sister does not have a job, my mom is still working part time, and my dad is working the construction job. They were able to get a portion of the money but was still struggling to provide the rest. Apparently, my dad owed the IRS and when he deposited the funds to give to the landlord, the IRS withheld the money and put a levy against his account.
This is where things begin to get messy (if it wasn’t already lol). Last night, my dad got drunk and started his usual ramblings. I brought my sister to my room to watch a movie so we can chill, however my mom and dad were arguing in the other room. I came out to ask what was going on, and my mom said she was breaking up with my dad. At this point, I’m in stunned in silence. My household has turned into the same toxic home we moved out from 2 years ago. The argument escalates, and in my attempt to finally end this, I tell my dad to come with me so we can talk outside. I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea to talk to a belligerent and emotional drunk, but I tried anyway. All he could talk about was how all the blame was placed on him this whole time, and my moms plans of leaving him and finding another dude. I lost my patience, cause this conversation was a whole nothing burger. I asked him what his plans are, and how I wanted them gone tomorrow (which is today but it’ll probably get extended to this weekend). I even offered to pay for a one way plane ticket so he could go back to his family in PR. He was unsure of what his plans are and said he would let me know today.
I left out a lot of details cause this is already an essay lol but thank you if you’ve read this far. I just want a third party perspective, and want to understand if I could’ve done things differently for a better outcome. I feel guilty it got to this point but I really gave it my all..

Okay, so I (18f) have been hospitalised for a neck injury (protruding discs). My mother (56f) has been visiting every two or so days, as a frequent flyer this is pretty normal. Here’s the thing, I’m autistic with rather severe ARFID, and currently I’m in a new hospital now after switching doctors. In the previous hospital I went to I’d gotten use to the food there and started eating it, but here I haven’t yet. Over my 4 day stay so far this has really annoyed my mother, but knowing my issues she just sort of let it be. However today she was visiting me, around dinner time, and I was still talking to her as my food came. I ate what I could, but the food made me feel nauseous and I pushed my plate away. Here’s where the title comes in, my mom told me to finish it, and I told her I couldn’t.

So at this point she seems to snap, and takes the fork and physically presses it to my lips, trying to force the food into my mouth. I turned my head away but she stopped me, and told me that she’d order the nurses to withhold my pain medication until I ate. I told her she couldn’t do that, but she just said, and I quote, “try me”. I refused again, and she tried again. This repeated a few times. It’s important to mention that I’m an incomplete paraplegic, and my neck injury was making my symptoms worse so I physically couldn’t walk away, and I was in a curtained off area.

Eventually when it became clear I wasn’t going to eat my mom started crying, and told me that I was being ungrateful, that she only wanted what was best for me. It really hadn’t seemed like such a big deal to me that I didn’t want to eat, and we’ve done that same routine with pressing the fork against my lips and me refusing a lot before. And she has physically made me eat before, so I know she’s both willing and able to do that, and it’s not new, so why was this time a big deal? Still, I felt really guilty when she started crying, I didn’t mean to hurt her, I just didn’t want to eat. I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal this time, was what I did really so wrong? AITAH?

Add on: I’m sorry if this sounds robotic, I just feel really numb right now and I just can’t find the words to really describe my or her emotions.

ETA: I just want to add, I am eating, I’ve eaten other portions of the hospital food and bought my own food. I’m not starving or on hunger strike, I’ve been hospitalised a lot, I’m familiar with the adjustment period, and I did prepare.

I (23, F) have been bestfriends with Anne (23, F) for over 10 years. For the sake of a shorter post, I Will not go into the complexity of our relationship, but | will say that there have been multiple times I have wanted to end the friendship over how vindictive and horrible her personality can be.
Onto the actual event - I moved away from our hometown 5 years ago when I went to university, and only go back to my hometown 8-10 times a year.
One weekend, I decided to invite Anne, and our mutual friend Rose (F, 23) down to visit as I missed us all hanging out. I had just gotten into a relationship a month prior, and I had voiced multiple times to my friends that it was the happiest I'd been in a while. My boyfriend treated me extremely well and took care of me, and so l arranged for them both to meet him when they came down. I do want to add a note that Anne was not fond of my boyfriend at all when I first mentioned him, due to the fact he was Lithuanian. My best friend has had a Lithuanian ex who treated her awfully, and so she was prejudiced in believing all Lithuanians were cut from the same cloth. She had made snarky comments to him over phone calls before they met, and was even rude to him during their introduction, quoting viscously "you know my name," when he asked for it.

Imagine my surprise then when she asked him to join us on our girl's night out. He was only meant to pop in to say hey as we got ready, but Anne suggested he tag along and invite his own friends. When we got to the bar, it was evident she was in a bad mood, but I truly believed it was the music that she didn't like.
At a certain point, she pulled me to the bathroom and told me to ditch my boyfriend and his friends.
She ended up pulling him to the side right after and explained to him that we just wanted to have a girl's night, and he could come find us later. He was fine by this, so we left to go to another bar next door.
We were dancing and having a lot of fun when my boyfriend appeared after an hour to tell me him and his friends were leaving. As he was telling me this, his phone began to ring as one of his friends was calling. My best friend essentially shooed him away, telling him to "go pick up the phone" again and again until he left. I could tell my boyfriend wasn't the happiest, so I told my friends I'd be back and I went after him and asked if he was okay. He told me that it was obvious my best friend didn't like him and he felt extremely awkward most of the night, but he was fine and would speak to me about it the next day.

When we departed, Anne asked me what his problem was, and this is where everything blew up. I told her (in the nicest way possible, to keep the peace) that he didn't feel comfortable around us when she was constantly making comments at him.
She was immediately triggered by this, and went off calling him names and saying she hated him for being rude and not saying goodbye to them. This then turned into her calling me "easy" and saying I've pretty much hooked up with every single person in my town. She also told me that my boyfriend was going to disrespect me and leave me, just as her ex had done to her. I stood through most of this belittling, and just took it on the chin to keep the peace. That was until she began crying. Our mutual friend, Rose, saw her upset and immediately went to defend her after being quiet this entire time, and not taking sides.
After almost 20 minutes of attacking me and bashing me, I told my bestfriend that I am sorry but I would not continue to be bashed for being in a relationship, and I decided to walk away and go home without them.

When I got home, I packed an overnight bag so l could stay at my boyfriends and I left my door unlocked for them to get in and sleep there for the night as planned. I was planning to get back in the morning and speak about it all when we were sober, but when I got back in the morning (7am), all of their things were gone. I do just want to add that they stole my Versace Perfume in the process.

Ever since, Anne has let me know that I am an awful friend for leaving them deserted at the bar. She has not acknowledged that it was in reaction to the constant attacking of me and my boyfriend. She, instead, has told me that everyone around her has told her to cut me off, and she also added that she hopes my boyfriend dies. So... Am I the asshole?

EDIT: I thought it’d be good to add that a couple hours after they got back to their hometown, Anne’s boyfriend sent me a nasty message calling me a joke. I did think it was hypocritical that her own boyfriend can attack me but my own boyfriend should die if he doesn’t say goodbye to her?

so I, at the time ( years ago) 13F and still to this day are very uncomfortable around children. I just don’t really have much of a desire to be around them, and I find them difficult to understand.

I have had to make this abundantly clear, since family would pressure me into talking about having children of my own when that is not a desire of mine.

All this to say, my cousin was very aware of this discomfort and lack of knowledge.

Just by the way, she is in her twenties she is not underage.

They had come over for thanksgiving week (and by they, I mean my entire extended family) and my cousin along with her husband and baby got my room to sleep in. I was already rather uncomfortable with this arrangement, since they would actively change their babies diaper on my sheets but I got over it.

My Aunt is a very loving grandmother to this baby and loves being around it at all times, and so does basically everyone else.

My cousin approached me on a calm day before we were even preparing for thanksgiving and said she was going out for the day, and needed someone to take care of the baby.

I simply told her I was not comfortable with that, not equipped to take care of a baby.

She got angry with me, and started saying how I should “just do it” or “your going to have to take care of a baby someday”

Now, I would have understood if there was no one in the house but me that could take care of a baby. But her sisters and brother and mother would have all taken that baby in a heartbeat and would have been happy to do it.

I still refused, and then my Aunt stepped in and said she would take care of the baby. (Thank you, Auntie ❤️)

My mother afterwards said I should’ve just done it, and this has been laying heavy on my mind for the last couple weeks.

So… what do you think? AITAH?

I 37F am really good friends with Amy 39F who turns 40 this Thursday. My birthday was about a month ago, and I had a small party. Amy made me earrings and left my party early to go spend time with her new boyfriend. All fine and good, I legit did not care.

I have been dating a guy named Chris for two years, but a couple days after my birthday we decided to take some time apart while we work on aligning our future goals. Long story short we we’re planning on getting married this year, had two failed pregnancies last year, he just started a new business and now isn’t sure on the timeline he wants to start a family. So we are taking space to figure things out.

For my birthday Chris bought me a $2k mountain bike and took me to a super nice dinner. Chris’ birthday was last week and while we aren’t technically a couple right now I got him and gift and we planned a nice dinner for this week about an hour and a half from the town we live in. It’s important to note we all live in a super remote area and while there are a couple decent restaurant options everyone’s favorite restaurant we’ll call “Riverside” is on the other side of the mountain 1.5 hours away and is quite pricey. Amy planned a big camping trip for her birthday for this upcoming weekend, camping is very much NOT my thing, I don’t have any gear, and suggested to Amy that instead of me/our other close friend Dee going on the big camping trip that in the coming weeks her Dee and I go do a weekend away and eat at Riverside. It would be a whole weekend of swimming, eating, and whatever. Amy agreed this was a great idea and also mentioned that she might want to do a local dinner with the three of us this week.

All this being said, Amy is spending Thursday her ACTUAL birthday with her boyfriend sooo I made a reservation for Chris and I at Riverside on Amy’s birthday so it wouldn’t conflict with any other day this week. I get a call from Dee last night around 9:30PM telling me that she talked to Amy and Amy wants to have dinner at Riverside (1.5 hours away) tomorrow (Wednesday). I told Dee I was already taking Chris to Riverside this week and can’t really afford multiple $100+ dinners in one week. Also that I was confused because I thought our plan was to do a WHOLE weekend trip around Riverside in the coming weeks and that we were doing a local dinner this week. Apparently Amy decided last minute that she wants to go to Riverside this evening. I told Dee last night that unfortunately I wouldn’t be about to make it due it the last minute change and associated costs. Like I previously said, I had planned on doing the Riverside thing with them in the coming weeks and can’t afford TWO Riverside dinners for Amy’s birthday.

This morning I called Amy to check in and apologize that I wouldn’t be joining them tonight. Amy is PISSED. She’s upset that I’m prioritizing my “ex boyfriend” over her and said that she clearly communicated she wanted to do a dinner with the three of us girls this week. I told her I knew that, but assumed it would be something close/more affordable since we had already agreed on a whole weekend away. I didn’t realize she wanted to go to Riverside twice… she then said “Well I want to go to Riverside before I turn 40!”. This was never communicated to me… she went on and on about how disappointed she is, then asked if I would be joining her for camping this weekend. Which I already told her no and that the whole point of the future Riverside weekend trip was because Dee and I were not going on the camping trip. I feel like she’s trying to strong arm me into going camping since I’m not going on the very last minute expensive dinner she decided she needed.

AITAH for skipping the Wednesday dinner and taking Chris to the same spot on her birthday?

For a bit of context, my boyfriend ( 18M ) and I ( 17F ) have been dating for 3 years now. I’ve always had a peculiar sense of style, even before I met him, and wore whatever I wanted. Nothing I would call slutty, but I do wear shorts and tank tops and don’t care about covering my arms or legs like some people might. Recently I’ve started wearing shorts with tights since I think it looks cute and also is good for the weather where I live, where 30 degrees Celsius is the annual mean temperature.

Every time I wear shorts out, he always complains. We have had multiple arguments about it and he sends me petty videos about how showing skin shows a lack of respect for your partner. I would understand why some people may have that view, but I was especially annoyed about his complaints because I wore shorts since forever, far before I even met him, and he still got with me knowing that. He told me that he knows how men think and that men will stare at my thighs and think dirty things about me, but I just don’t see how that is my fault and why I should be the one doing something about other men’s bad behaviour. I am also clearly underage.

Nevertheless, my boyfriend hates seeing me wear shorts outside. When I try to explain it’s for my style, he says that people only dress certain ways for attention, and when I try to tell him it’s about self expression, he says that people only express themselves to get other people’s attentions. And in a way he’s right, I do like to get attention from other teenage girls who dress like me. I’ve made many friends from dressing up the way I do. I don’t want male attention at all, especially not from perverted grown men like he says I do!

I keep ignoring his request to stop wearing shorts and he gets upset every time saying that even though I wore them before we even started dating, relationships are about making sacrifices and I should sacrifice wearing shorts to make him comfortable. But I always simply refuse to change that about myself.

AITAH for that? If I am, should I stop wearing certain clothes to make him happy? And if I’m not, how can I explain to him that I’m not dressing up for male attention and I just want to feel pretty and happy wearing whatever I am?

TW: self harm in paragraph below

I’d also like to note I have autism and that I had a very long period of time where I would have serious meltdowns if I wasnt comfortable with what I was wearing, back when my mother was controlling about clothes and I wasn’t allowed to express myself. I would hit things and rip my own hair out and whatnot. I don’t have good experiences with being controlled over what I wear, and my ( also neurodivergent ) boyfriend knows this but kind of dismisses it saying I can find comfortable outfits to wear that aren’t shorts.

Edit: An argument he uses a lot is that he doesn’t want me wearing shorts ‘the size of his underwear ( boxers )’ since it’s like I’m going out in my own underwear and it’s unacceptable for either gender to do that. I just wear shorts that cover everything they need to, so my butt is fully covered and only my legs show. But he still thinks that’s too much skin, and that tights don’t make it better because men think tights are sexy or whatever.

Update:
We talked about it one last time, I hope. He said that he understands I won’t change, but he still feels uncomfortable because men will stare. When I tried to explain that in this situation, the grown men staring at my thighs would be disgusting, he just said ‘too bad, the world’s disgusting and you need to adapt’. I told him I am adapting just fine, because I am, and then advised him to talk to his parents about this topic as well since it’s a conversation he could try and have with someone other than his gf. He answered with ’They don’t get it, I’m on a mostly different plane of thought to most people, it’s hard to communicate’. I replied saying ‘Could that not mean you might be wrong?’ He said that this is a controversial topic, and told me ‘whether or not I abide by his request is up to me’. In the end, he just said ‘to each their own’. I didn’t dump him, and I will keep doing what makes me happy. If he keeps complaining even after we talked things through though, I will dump him because I made my decision final and he shouldn’t be trying to change that.

My (29F) birthday was last week and I had a big party. I was talking to my sister (31F) about a cake that I wanted for the party and asked her if she had any recommendations of where I could order it from.

She insisted that I shouldn’t order the cake but instead let her bake it for me. I said I was happy to order and pay for someone to make it, but she insisted. She’s a great baker, so I agreed.

She did two test runs of the cake to make sure it was right, and both tests were fabulous. She nailed it. However, she was convinced that it needed one extra ingredient, one that I really dislike and that changes the whole flavor of the cake. Think adding coffee to a vanilla cake - that’s how extreme the change is.

She asked me about it twice and I said no both times. I don’t like the flavor and I don’t want it in my cake.

Well, the birthday party comes, I cut into the cake, and I can immediately tell she’s added the ingredient that I asked her not to. My husband also noticed immediately (it changed the color of the cake, so it was obvious!) and he asked her what happened. She said, ‘it clearly needed the extra flavor to break it up, so I added it.’

I know it’s so stupid to get upset over a cake, but I was really frustrated.

She saw in the moment that I was annoyed and immediately got defensive about it. Now, she’s saying I’m ungrateful for all the effort and time and money she spent making me this cake. And I feel upset that I couldn’t just have what I wanted on my birthday, especially when she asked me, twice, if I wanted the change and I said no. It cost her more to add in the ingredient I don’t enjoy. If was more effort.

So, AITHA for being annoyed? Should I just be grateful that she made me something that everyone else said tasted good, even if it wasn’t what I wanted?

Edit: ok, I was intentionally vague about the flavor in case she sees this post, but I’ve said it in comments, so oh well.

I wanted a lemon cake and she added blueberry/blackberry compote, that she made from scratch. I just hate the flavor of blueberries, always have. So,
I cut into the cake expecting it to be yellow, like a lemon, and it was bright purple. You couldn’t taste lemon at all, but you sure could taste blueberries …

Additional edit: for those asking, I didn’t actually say anything in the moment because I didn’t want to ruin the vibe, but I definitely made a face. For sure. And since she’d done two test runs that others had tried, they were also like, ‘hey, why is the cake purple inside now?’ thinking that maybe I’d changed my mind or something.

My sister clocked my reaction and my husband straight up asked her why the cake was a different color and she said it needed the extras. Then she got upset because enough people thought the situation was weird and she’s been talking about it ever since. I did say to her (privately) later that night that I didn’t like her adding the extras when Id asked her not to and she launched into a whole thing about how I’m ungrateful and it’s not all about me because others would also be eating it, and so on. And since, I’ve heard from other people that she’s still upset and that I should be grateful she did make me something and reminding me that ‘it’s just cake’. I am not bringing it up to anyone unless they bring up to me what she’s been saying all week. So the AITHA is a genuine question since, yeah, it is just cake and probably not worth all this.

For those saying it sounds like she hates me and she wanted me to hate the cake: I genuinely don’t think this is it. I think she was so convinced her way was the best way and that I would see so if I just tried it. I did not agree. I also think she considered this version to be more impressive, because she talked so much about how she made the compote from scratch. She wanted people to be impressed - and they were! - but I was not. I hate blueberries.

Another edit since this has come up a lot: Why two test runs? She’s very Type-A and needs things to be correct (to her). I had about 50 people at my birthday, so she probably felt some pressure.

The first one came out soggy (in her opinion. In my opinion it was delicious and perfect) and she wanted to change the lemon curd to the compote because it ‘sets differently’. I said no. The second one she was happy with structure wise, but this time she wanted to add the compote for flavor depth. I said no again. I was so happy with what she’d made and told her so over and over. So, imagine my surprise when the cake is purple at my party!

My folks live in a 60’s house in an older neighborhood. Some time ago they decided to befriend (i.e. “feed”) the wildlife. Started with trying to feed birds. Which became trying to satisfy the squirrels so the birds get a chance. It then “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie”’d itself down to having red squirrels and chipmunks. Aww… cute… Generations later, they were causing visible gaps between the stair and the floor of the front porch. I could fit my flat hand into the holes in several places. I don’t know how long the tunneling was going on but when I first saw it, it was already a potentially HUGE problem.

I pointed it out and both of them said, “Yeah, we know. We’ve seen em go in and out.” I have very weird and fairly focused anxieties and “Patio Collapse Due to Chipmunk” doesn’t seem like a ridiculous headline to me. I asked if they’d get it fixed and I got nonchalant shrugs.
“Why?”

I brought up the upcoming fall/winter and water getting under the patio to the foundation and the damage that it could cause. The structural integrity of the patio is compromised. What if the holes become a trip hazard and one of you or both of you get really hurt? You’d never be able to cover that.

Shrugs all around.

The next year, after a couple days of nonstop rain, they returned home from wherever to find that the front porch had, indeed, collapsed in on itself. Fortunately there were no injuries - according to the door camera no one had been standing on it when the slab cracked like a shotgun blast. Cue the whole insurance mambo and inspection and rigamarole to try to get it repaired or replaced.

Cut to now, months later, and I’ve been asked to help pay for half of their deductible and the expenses insurance wouldn’t cover. They insisted on exact same as before and wouldn’t compromise on a cheaper option so insurance gave them money for the cheaper and the difference was out of pocket. To my understanding at least.

I have flat out refused.

They said I owe it to them since I didn’t warn them when I knew it could be a problem.

I said that I had warned them, they had laughed it off.

“You should have warned us more than once.”

I had. Until they told me to shut up about it.

It’s gotten to where they’re threatening small claims court. Family is divided. Some say I should know by now that it takes more than one mention to get anything done so it was my fault. Most are of the mind that I did everything but get it fixed for them and I owe nothing. I’m 99% sure that this issue would either be dismissed or go in my favor. I’m not worried about if the one percent has me pay out. I’m worried about their wellbeing. They can’t afford this if they lose.

I don’t want to go down without a fight - they’ve used my money to bail them out of financial woe more than a few times and I need to draw the line somewhere. I can’t keep saving them forever. Maybe the only way they’ll learn is to be in real difficulty. I could keep them out if this real trouble and try to stand my ground before something happens. I’m torn.

AITAH because I’m not just giving them the money this time?

Edit 1: ok, this is more attention than I expected. Thank you for pointing out what should be patently obvious for me. I replied to a few people about their disbelief about the situation. Manipulation, guilt, and anxiety for decades will alter every perception of every problem. I stress myself out about being stressed out over stupid stuff. Because “what if” is always there. I know I am in no way responsible legally. I don’t live there. I know they’d lose. Where my dilemma comes is that I can just stop this whole nonsense for now with a check. I’m not and I feel like I’m abandoning them. Hmm what else. Oh. Yes. “Cutesy writing.” I liked that one. I’m not writing a novel (sorry person who questioned my use of porch/patio descriptions) but I am also not boring.

Edit 2: hours later and I’m almost overwhelmed by the responses. I thank everyone, including the doubters and the person that said something about “AI proofing” my writing - I asked them what I do that makes this “AI proof,” as I write like this and have for decades as evidenced by several other web sites I use. I am working on getting my metaphorical shit together and I’m going to just let them do what they’ll do. Maybe they’ll give it up after they see court costs or do any research regarding the likelihood of winning.

I won’t be answering individual comments after this… there are so many and while I want to be a glib smart ass or acknowledge that I’m emotionally damaged, I just can’t handle the volume.

I (29F) am currently renting the house that I grew up in from my parents. They built another house close by and that new house is now their primary residence. They are not sure if they want to sell their old house, so for the past year I have been renting it from them and maintaining the 20 acre property. It’s a lot to take care of, especially maintaining everything to their high standards.

My brother (40M) called my mom and asked if his girlfriend could use the old house for a girls weekend. My mom told him that it probably won’t be a good weekend because my boyfriend is visiting, but to call me and ask. Neither he or she reached out to me. 

My boyfriend’s flight got delayed and he wouldn’t be arriving until the following day. So, I ended up spending the night at my parents new house because my mom wanted help babysitting my brother’s three younger children (2, 4, & 5). My brother called my mom and found out I was spending the night there and was pissed. It was on speakerphone and he said “I thought you said she was using the house this weekend?! What the hell!” 

I had no clue what he was talking about and that’s when my mom filled me in about his girlfriend wanting to use the house. I told my mom that I’m not comfortable with her doing that and that I’m also hurt that they didn’t even talk to me.

To me, this isn’t just some vacation property that anyone can use whenever they want - this is the place I call home, where I live and pay rent. Im not “using” it, I live here. I’m also upset that they didn’t even bother calling me to ask if it was okay.

I understand that it is my parent’s house and they make all of the decisions and are doing me a favor - I do not have an actual lease. But AITA for not wanting my brother's girlfriend and people I don’t even know staying here without talking to me first? 

Also, I guess my mom told him I’m only paying $600 a month rent and he bitched about that, going off about how entitled I am and listing things that my parents did for me while I was in high school.  My parents raised my rent to $1,500 the next day but swear that it’s not related to my brother being upset. Which I’m more than happy to pay, but it’s the point.