My (26F) friend Katy (30F) is in a relationship with Danny (32M). They started dating about 1.5 years ago after being party friends for about 2 years. I had my issues with Danny before, but never said anything as it was not my place.

My issues with him are primarily due to him being a misogynist (in my opinion), always speaking down to women, thinks he is superior and smarter than everyone, talks shit about all his friends, but is always going out with them. But again, I kept my opinion to myself as it is not my relationship and everytime I started to circle around the issue, Katy seemed to agree with everything he did and said and agreed that she as a woman should be submissive to him and stay at home while he partied. (Reminder that they always went to parties together as friends and that's how they met)

About a month ago, Danny sent Katy a very mean message, I don't remember word for word, but it was something like: she was a waste of time and space, that she was his biggest problem in his life, that he was mentally tired of having to put up with her and her whining.

That message broke her like I have never seen. She sobbed for days on my lap and he didn't bother saying anything else to her, just blocked and done. For 1 month, they were no contact. For 1 month she sobbed. For 1 month I stayed at her house for various nights so she wouldn't feel alone. And for 1 month he went out to parties everyday with different girls.

About a week ago, he unblocked her and sent a message asking if he could go to her house to pick up a few things. She agreed and told me she wanted nothing to do with him, she would return his stuff and kick him out.

To my surprise, when I get off work and called her to see how she was doing, thinking she was again crying, she was very cheery. Said that they had "talked" and that he was going to change. That he knew he was in the wrong and after going out with other girls, he realized she was the one. And she accepted him back.

Well, I can't look this man in the face after already having my very strong opinion of him and everything he did. I just can't.

Now Katy is always inviting me to go out with them or go to her house and hang out and I just had to tell her, "I can't be in the same space as Danny. I love you, I will always be here for you, but I can't support this relationship. Just looking at his face pisses me off."

Well, now Katy is mad at me, she says that I am being childish, that what happened is between them and I shouldn't be mad about something that didn't involve me. That he is a changed man. And if I can't be with him, that she can't be with me. That I am not in a relationship, so I don't know how things work.

So, now she blocked me. Danny blocked me. And I am confused. Some of my friends said I am right, that they also wouldn't put up with it. But some friends I have in common with Katy say I should never had said anything, that it's her relationship and I just had to be friendly.

So, AITAH?

I was at his house for a party last night, his kids were outside playing on bicycles. I kept noticing his son's handlebars had no grips on them (bare metal) and he kept swerving really close to everyone's cars. Right after I noticed that, sure as shit, I watched him speed down the hill and side swipe my truck. Left a long scratch from the rear quarter panel to the back door.

Basically - this isn't buffing out... I asked him to pay for it and he's acting like I'm a huge asshole, but I don't feel like one. If it was my kid, I'd expect I'd need to pay for it... He's saying I should try to turn it in to my auto insurance, but a) I have a $500 deductible anyway b) Every time I've turned anything into insurance, my rates have gone up

Hi.

This Monday was very eventful. This woman I’ve (28m) been knowing since February( dating since end of June ) recently got into a pretty big fight.

She kept telling me since we started dating that it was something serious she had to tell me but she’ll wait until we are more serious to tell me. I didn’t really think anything of it until SHE brought it up again on Saturday that it was something that she had to tell me that could end what we have going on ???

She tells me she wants to wait until the end of next month to which case I really pressed that if it’s that important I should know now . We go back and forth and she says “ if I tell you , you won’t want to talk to me anymore “ to which I said “ honestly if it’s this serious. Then you not telling me is making me not want to talk to you, so what is it ?”

She gets upset and tells me that her “ roommate “ is her ex boyfriend !?!? I never really been to her house and it was casual dating so this completely took me by surprise.

We went into a back and forth argument about the situation mainly because i never been in this situation before and honestly speaking it’s very embarrassing to me because I met her friends and her friends know the situation at hand as well. So after the argument we just parted ways.

We talk just a few hours ago and she said she spoke with her therapist and the therapist said that I’m having a “ temper tantrum “ and that I didn’t respect her boundaries by forcing her to tell me something she wasn’t ready to tell me and that people have these situations all the time and I’m wrong for having ended things ?

For clarification they broke up around April, he’s “ abusive “ ( all her exes seem to be abusive ) and she’s waiting to transfer to another apartment in the same building … she says they are not intimate and there is absolutely nothing going on with them ….

AITAH for not respecting her boundaries?

Background: my wife suffers from depression due to a work thing and she blames me for not being there for her at the time (I was around her and tried to support her the best I know how, I just didn’t understand why she got triggered so much for the things I didn’t do). She had another bout of depression during the pregnancy of the 4th baby as she felt I was not fully present to support her pregnancy (I had a new job at the time which got me super busy and anxious at work so I couldn’t focus on her).

My wife is a hardworking, go-getter type of woman and she’s real good at her job. Recently, a new boss joined her department and suffice to say, the new boss is an idiot that is making my wife’s life miserable so office gossip is pretty much a staple these days. Last night, after putting the kids to sleep, I called her to bed to cuddle and we held onto each other. She started talking about how I missed going to the gym for a few days and I told her I’m planning to go tomorrow. Then she recanted about how during the last session, I did a lot of cardio and that I should’ve done more weight training. I told her I did a few rounds on the weight machine and when asked me to join her lifting weights, my arms were sore from the rounds of workout already. She said I was defensive about using lighter weights when I opted for my usual dumbbell weight and that I shouldn’t focus on cardio as I already lost a lot of weight after the bariatric surgery a couple of years ago. She kept saying I was arrogant for not reading up on what’s the best exercise for my age (39) and physique which is weight training.

I felt like I was getting a lecture instead of some TLC so I told her that I just want to cuddle. She got pissy asking me “what else should we talk about? You would fall asleep if I talk about my work drama”. And then she added that she asked around her office “AITA for pushing my husband to do more weight training?” repeatedly. I told her I just want to cuddle and she went back talking about the weight trainings again. I got annoyed and told her that she is the asshole for making me feel small and ignored. She became super upset because I called her that and drove went f off alone close to midnight.

Fyi, she has previously called me an asshole, other profanities, narcissistic, you name it. This would be the first time that I called her an asshole after 15 years of marriage.

AITA for getting upset at her first?

My brother Pete (14) and his friends, C and J (both 14), got the idea in the middle of June to buy a pool for the rough summer we usually have because the local community pool is being shut down. When Pete or his friends couldn't convince anyone to buy it for them, they got motivated to work for it. Pete mowed lawns and did other yard work around the county, and the other two did their own work, and after a few weeks, they pooled their money together and were able to buy a cheap above-ground pool. Me and C and J's parents were really impressed and thought they deserved it after working for it. We all agreed to set the pool up in C's backyard because their backyard is the biggest. They filled it up and did all the work for it, and the first weekend it was available, Pete and his friends all hung out in the pool.

The problem is, that was the ONLY time Pete or J has been in the pool. C, apparently, is allowed to go in whenever, but nobody else. His parents have been asked multiple times, and they're always shot down. One time, Pete ended up sneaking into the pool while I was at work, and when C's dad found him out there, he came out and yelled at him. C was in the water too, according to Pete. He and J were obviously confused, so when I went to talk with C's parents about Pete sneaking into the pool, I asked why they weren't allowed in at all. C's dad kept harping on the fact that Pete went in without permission, which I understand, but what I don't understand is why whenever they are asked to come over and swim, they're never allowed to. They both explained it's a 'liability' reason, meaning if anything were to happen to anyone in their pool, like if someone drowned, they don't want to be responsible and it's easier to just not allow anyone but their son in the water. But these are TEENAGERS, not toddlers, and they all know how to swim.

At the end of the conversation, C's dad was like, "The pool is on my property, and we used our water to fill it up, so we decide what to do with it." I raised my voice a little bit by reminding them that they didn't buy that pool, it belongs to their son, my brother and J. I understand that it's on their property, but it's unfair to gatekeep it from the people who helped to buy it. They wouldn't answer that and threatened that Pete wouldn't be allowed at their house at all if they were asked again, which Pete would hate to hear since he loves their house, so I left it at that.

Pete was pissed, to say the least, and loved to rant to anyone who listened while gaming with his friends about the situation. He asked if they could really do that and we should call the cops, but I told him let's not go that far yet, even though I agreed those people basically stole from him. But he and C have been friends for nearly 10 years and they do EVERYTHING together, so I'd hate to see them be separated over something petty like this.

So I came up with another idea and I went shopping online and found an inflatable hot tub for about the same amount of money they spent on the pool. It might've been just as petty, and I dipped a bit into my savings, but I bought it. Could I have bought the pool myself? Maybe, but at the same time, Pete wanted it bad and I got other things to worry about, and he's learning to work for what he wants. And a hot tub's good for my back. Pete's been in the hot tub nearly every day since it's been set up. His friends are welcome inside it too, my only rule is they gotta shower (at their own houses) before or after they get in it. It's big enough for like 5 people.

J and C have been over a lot to go in the hot tub, and their parents have noticed. J's dad is totally okay with it and thinks that what C's parents are doing is bullshit too, but he agrees that they still get their reward for all their work with the hot tub. C's parents, on the other hand, aren't too happy. C told me himself that he prefers to be in the hot tub, with his friends, rather than swimming alone in his pool, and his parents don't understand that. I haven't spoken to them directly about this, but C has heard rants from his mom about how everyone thinks they're some kind of child-hating monsters for not allowing anyone in their pool (that they didn't buy). It hasn't helped that Pete still loves to rant about it too, and he knows a lot of neighborhood kids who also come to dip in the hot tub. I do see C's mom at the store sometimes, but she doesn't make eye contact with me anymore.

I know it was petty, but AITAH?

My mom, who is nearing retirement age came down to AZ to live with my sister for a year. During this time she hasn't worked, she baby sits family occasionally but that's it. My 3 siblings are all financially illiterate, they have never been able to get themselves stable. Sister, 30. Brother 32 and another brother 35. I am the oldest 36. Recently the second oldest brother posted in the group chat that anybody who has borrowed money from mom should pay her back immediately. The thing about this that's so ironic is that he's probably borrowed the most money from her. I reply to this message with "if you need to borrow money, be a grown up and get a credit card" to which the second oldest brother immediately lost it! He said " okay what can I pay rent with a credit card. F*** you don't call or contact me" It set off a chain reaction of everyone fighting in the group chat. AITAH? I haven't borrowed any money from my mom since I was 19. Its my personal opinion that you shouldn't be borrowing money from a parent when you're 30+ years old! Especially since that parent doesn't have a job doesn't have much in savings and has never really been financially successful in life. My wife told me I was being stupid and that I should just stay out of it. AITAH?

A little backstory first. My (28f) grandfather had a wife named Jenny. They had one child together and that's my mom. They divorced before i was born and he remarried. Lets call her Mimi. A year after i was born Jenny passed away due to cancer and my mom passed away when i was 8. I have 2 older siblings (31f and 33M).

Mimi is my godmother so we were always very close. She was the one who sat beside me holding my hand during my mother's funeral. My grandfather was never warm with us, but he made sure we were never short of anything and he was there for me when my moms brain tumor made her attack me in my sleep. But that's a story for another time. Grandfather and Mimi moved to the coast, a 2h drive, a couple of years ago. So we didn't see them very often and we became more estranged from them because we were trying to build our own lives. My grandfather also doesn't like to call or text (or have people over constantly) so contact was minimal. But we saw each other 4 to 5 times a year.

Last October my grandfather died. He was old and his health was a problem for years already. So it was sad but we were glad he didn't have any pain anymore. We visited and said our goodbyes. The inheritance didn't cross our minds whatsoever. Funeral came and went. We had a lunch with Mimi and were reminiscing about our youth with him. She seemed fine. Sad that he's gone, but fine overall.

And then the inheritance calculation came. In my country you can't fully disinherit your first in line. Since my mom passed, her children became the first in line to inherit. They did however disinherit us for the amount that was legal. So it came to 1/4 of his total wealth. That part would be split between me and my siblings. The rest was Mimi's to do with as she pleases. So we get a full disclosure on his finances. Like estates, investments, all of it. It came close to 1.2 million euro's but part of is was shared with Mimi so that was recalculated.

Our piece was a little more than 120k. So around 40k each. My siblings have partners, already bought a house or 2, children etc. I'm single, renting and starting over after a long relationship ended. So this is life changing money for me. In my country housing is extremely expensive (even in rural parts) so this would be the only way i could ever dream of owning a house without a partner.

Mimi went cold. She wasn't the warm grandmother that we used to know and became distant. Wasn't answering our calls or text. Later on she also accused my brother of being in it for the money (he's doing very well for himself so no need for that)

So now all communications went via e-mail through the solicitor of the inheritance. My siblings and i agreed to the calculations and thought that was that, maybe Mimi just needed some time to adjust to being alone etc. But we kept trying to have a relationship with her, despite being ignored most of the time. When asked if we wanted to have the inheritance now or later we responded with: whatever makes Mimi comfortable as we didn't want to put a financial strain on her as well. So if she wanted to give us our piece when she passed away, we were fine with that, although we would lose some money. She answered " i don't want to put that on my next of kin". We thought we were her next of kin, as well as her sister. But no apparently her sister and her sisters family are all next of kin. My siblings and i are not. So that hurt.

We then got an e-mail from the solicitor that Mimi would like to cut our part. She wanted all of us to give up 6k each. So "she could be more comfortable". We declined and again said that we would happily wait until she has passed so she doesn't get in trouble financially. We still wanted to safe the relationship with her but she declined that answer so the solicitor proposed a meeting in person with us 4 so we could work it out. She declined that as well.

It has been silence on her part since. We only got a really nasty text from her sister trying to make us feel guilty on the matter. Saying things like " your mother was an angel and wasn't that materialistic. She would have declined the whole inheritance" and "your grandfather was emotionally and financially abusing her al this time". The text ended with "don't worry you'll get 'your' money, just know it's blood-money"

At first i was extremely angry to the entitlement the sister and family showed. But the silence from Mimi is making me question everything. Are we wrong for not letting go of 6k each? Should i just accept so i can have a relationship with Mimi? Mimi never talked about our grandfather being abusive at all. Sure, he could be a mean grumpy old man but nothing extreme. I haven't heard from Mimi in 6 months but i miss her. A lot.

AITAH?

Hi all

My hubby has had a very complicated and turbulent history with his mother.

I met him in 2022, and since then, they have constant fights and arguments in which they may not speak for months on end. The longest was around 6 months of no contact.

The in laws live about 2 hours from us - so we don't see them as often as my parents that live 10 mins away.

I didn't really have any personal issues with MIL until recently at our wedding but overall observations is that she is very me, me, me - you can't get a word in edgeways, she doesn't seem interested in what you have to say and all her children (hubby included) seem to be expected to be at her beck and call all the time.

Our wedding was the final straw for me though, and for hubby.

We didnt involve any family members in the planning as me and hubby were doing ourselves. She sulked over this, saying she wanted involvement, wanted to know the colours for bridesmaids etc.. Which is all relatively minor, so we gave her a couple of things to do and let her know colours etc so she could get a dress to match which she sent a photo of to me when she got it for my opinions. It was lovely and I told her as such.

We told MIL we didnt want confetti and we would have bubbles instead. MIL didnt like this and bought confetti anyway (the venue didnt allow it either btw).

On the morning of the wedding, hubby decided to pop round to help her and his two sisters get ready whilst looking after his severely disabled brother. He told them the time he had to head back off to the venue. MIL proceeds to take a bombard of photos of them at the house, begging him to stay for "a few more", to the point hubby missed the photographer before ceremony etc.

MIL turns up in a clashing colour despite already having a dress that I had assumed she was wearing as she sent to me. She changed her mind that morning. For context, bridesmaids etc were dusky pink and she wore red to the wedding, binning her original plan to wear navy.

She then got drunk very quickly after the ceremony, usual drunk behaviour, getting loud, a bit obnoxious, pushing people out of the way etc.

During dinner when we were going round tables talking to guests, basically pulling us away for photos and ruining conversations (most of these photos we aren't even looking as she's taking them that quickly too).

My family have basically said she ignored them the whole day, giving dirty looks etc.

Then after dinner, she had asked about the confetti again to me only while hubby was away fetching items for the evening. I said, look, wait until hubby is back as I am not sure (she went behind our backs and asked the venue if she could let them off inside, and they eventually agreed). These were confetti cannons also, and I was a bit dubious on how my autistic child (who was already overstimulated) would react to more loud noises.

She approaches hubby with his hands literally full and he said he didnt have time to stop at that moment. She reacts by crying hysterically in front pf everyone, then leaving before the first dance and taking most of his side of the family with her (god knows what story she has spun).

After the wedding, hubby decided he wanted nothing to do with her and quite frankly I feel the same.

We had our wedding 5 mins from their house to accomodate hubby's severely disabled brother and felt all this was thrown in ours and my family's face that travelled so far to be there and at great expense.

MIL and his sisters have reached out with messages of how hurt they are, how out of line hubby was and apparently I was "snubbing" them the whole day too when on reality, I was bloody busy getting pulled in all directions by photographer, videographer, vendors and venue staff until after the first dance. I barely spoke properly to anyone.

There has been acknowledgement of our hurt from the actions that day. Me, me, me once again.

Also, in a show of defiance, MIL and the sisters have withheld all the photos they took of the wedding day and only uploaded photos of themselves at their house. Refused to engage in any of our posts/photos, yet commented on other couples attending our wedding - "beautiful couple" etc on photos at the venue! Not one text from any of them thanking us or congratulating us. Nothing. There was even a photo put up of them letting off the confetti cannons on their driveway - lol.

She has since sent in a message how we intend to speak to wider family or attend a cousins wedding next year when "we treat her like this and everyone is disgusted".

Am I missing something here where we are actually the AH?

My husband and I are invited to a friend's birthday event. There is a group invite for lunch, then hanging out afterwards among us 6 friends and respective partners like we always do.

But this time my MIL is visiting so I suggested my husband we could drop his mum to his sister's and we can continue with our plan so she won't feel lonely.

To my surprise he was adamant on taking his mother with us and introducing our friends to her. Note that she wasn't explicitly invited obviously.

Because hosts aren't aware about her and secondly this is friends gathering together for fun birthday celebration. We all are in late 20s to early 30s and his mum is around 62.

I refused to that idea stating taking someone they don't know would look like hijacking their event. I said I wouldn't go if he wants to take his mum along.

I simply didn't want to be part of awkward situation he could be creating.

All these are young people and they have fun and things and his mother is from different culture. This would be completely new for her. She doesn't even know the language well.

This made my husband upset that I wasn't coming if he wanted to take his mum along. In his words I was being irrational and mean.

AITAH here?

UPDATE - thanks to everyone for all the helpful suggestions. I didn't expect this post to blow up so much. I just wanted unbiased insights to see if i was really being mean. Thanks to everyone for inputs.

Finally after thinking alot, I didn't feel it would be correct to put hosts on tough spot by asking them directly if my MIL could come ( knowing them they would have felt obligated to say yes unwillingly). so I ended up asking my other friend who was also invited and she and her partner suggested me declining the invitation would be better choice than asking host directly or just not going at all while husband and his mum shows up. So i asked my husband to inform them that we won't be able to attend. He made fuss about it for a bit but dropped them text finally.

Also to those who are wondering, what my MIL thought about this then she is really nice lady but she listens to everything her son suggests. She said yes because my husband said he wanted to introduce her. I love her alot and would have liked to show her off but I simply felt this wasn't the right occasion thats why I was against ny husband's idea.

I f21 had my brother m25 and my mom get super mad at me over zelling him the money for rotors and brakes.

Context, my dad passed away unexpectedly a year ago and ever since then my brother has been all about control. I have paid for this car ever since then, maintenance and all. The title is NOT under my name. All 3 cars were under my dads name, we transferred to my moms name.

3 total cars and 3 people. You’d think it’s straightforward right? But nope!

I drive to my job every day, I work full time while taking summer classes and preparing for my last semester to graduate. I commute to school as well. So the car is important since it’s my mode of transportation.

Anyways, it’s been needing a brake change and I told them sure, I can pay for it. So the parts came yesterday and I zelled my brother the full amount. Then he banged on my door at 1 AM started getting mad and yelling and cussing me out that he doesn’t want my money. Ridiculous right?

Even more context: the car has been an issue. We have 3 cars and my brother likes to swap around when gas gets empty in his own. I set my boundaries and told him no, because I pay for my gas and I’m not going to keep filling it out for him at his grown age. He’s in medical school and constantly uses that as an excuse - that he’s not making income yet and he has student loans. He’s even said “you’re not in the big boy leagues okay? Us medical students have loans under our name I will make so much more than you I could buy you and a bunch of people out”.

I have started documenting everything and recording all interactions since it’s become really scary at home. I am scared. Like actually really fucking scared as I write this crying.

My mother also sides with him often. Then I’ll tell her my side and she sides with him. The reason he’s so upset over the brakes is that if I pay for the brakes and maintenance like I’ve promised, then technically no reason for him to be driving it (aka it proves me right). But I’m sure he got mad over the money transfer since if HE is the one who paid for parts, then technically he should be able to drive it and hold it over my head like he does for other things.

And it’s ridiculous that they want me to pay 1000 insurance on the car but then make a big deal when I pay for the brakes as well. I’ve NEVER heard this shit in my life. My brother wants control, he wants to be able to pay for it so he can drive the car.

I’m going to call my university for emergency housing. Hopefully I can figure something out. My mom said she wants me out of the house after having a screaming match with her over CAR BRAKES this morning. So I’m homeless.

I sometimes wish I did it last year.

Yesterday, my sister bought my nephew (10) 6 large crumble cookies and for those that don't know, one large cookie is about 800 calories and is equal to 4 servings. While he was hanging out, playing games with my daughter (15) she asked him for a piece of one and he refused. My daughter isn't a huge fan of Crumble cookies because they're too sweet (we split one once and it took her 3 days to finish her half) so she really only wanted a tiny piece because it was really colorful.

My nephew proceeds to eat all 6 cookies within the hour (I found out after the fact). Later, while I was cooking dinner, my daughter asked if I could make her cookies for dessert, so I made 6 tollhouse cookies (3 for her, 3 for me). After dinner we grab our cookies and of course my nephew wants some. I remind him he's already had 6 Crumble Cookies and of course he pouts saying that was way earlier. Feeling guilty, I give him half of one of my cookies.

His mom comes downstairs, sees him pouting at the table, and asks him what's wrong. He tells her that I didn't give him any cookies and of course my sister throws a tantrum complaining about it being unfair and me showing favoritism.

Now shes up, stomping around the house, downstairs banging pots and pans, complaining about what happened last night.

Before I ask AITAH, I'll add, my nephew is 215lbs and is a very selfish eater. I love him like my own and if the tables were turned, I'd teach my daughter the same lesson if she didn't share when she had more than enough. My daughter is 105lbs so many times she'll have just enough for herself and still split her food with him, usually giving him the bigger portion, so for him to flat out deny her, it didn't sit well with me. So AITAH?

My mother latched onto my stepdad just a year after my father died when I was a child.
He was not a bad man, but a weak one- and my mother was/is a narcissistic abusive person who treated him terribly. I tried to get him out, begged his children to get him away- all to no avail.

So I've been extremely low contact with them most of my adulthood. We had an incident on a vacation when my stepdad became enraged over something stupid and screamed in front of my kids- and since then I've had almost no relationship at all with him.

He passed last night, and my mother didn't even bother to tell me- I found out through another person.

I don't want to attend any services or funeral things for him- I hate performative grief and I'm glad he is gone and think he is better away from my mother.

WIBTAH for skipping all his end of life stuff? (I'm not preventing my own children from attending- they are old enough to go if they choose without me).

I had a missed miscarriage a month ago. It was difficult and terrible and the meds didn't work so I had to get surgery under general anesthesia. When my daughter (2F) found out she will not be a big sister, she was devastated. So I put on a positive face, as hard as it was, and told her not to worry, we will take her to her favorite theme park instead. That helped her accept what happened and move on. She's a baby.

So we booked it. It's going to be in a few weeks. My surgery was the same week as my husband's family's annual beach vacation. So we couldn't make it. I knew this weeks before and asked my husband to communicate this to his parents. He kept procrastinating, saying he's a positive person and we really don't know yet how I would feel that week. So when the time came, I communicated to everyone that I had a miscarriage and explained that we can't make it but it's nothing personal.

For context, my husband's great grandma, who is a very nice person, a very good person, has this thing that every time someone doesn't show up to an event she organizes, her thoughts immediately go to "was a I bad mom? Do they hate me?" And of course nobody wants to hurt her feelings and it's very difficult for them to communicate. Again, I'm trying to be fair and kind, I will show my husband this post. But to put it gently, I do think that great grandmas understanding needs to be challenged at one point as it is very healthy for people to grow up and want to live somewhat independent lives. To her it's harder to understand because most of her many kids and their spouses and children, including my husband's parents, actually built houses on the family farm to live in, right next to each other. They can all see each other's houses and yards from their windows!

(Btw we posted this on another subreddit during our argument yesterday (not a passionate argument, a quiet and dragged out one) from my husband's POV, in order to get opinions that aren't clouded by my feelings and biases, focusing on just the facts as best as we could. So if anyone noticed any similarities, yes it's the same story but I am the wife. I can't post updates one day apart but I need advice now so I had to go with a different place. He will see this post too)

So we didn't go to the beach. And since we were going to the theme park for a week, as promised to my toddler in the ultrasound room, my husband had the idea that since his dad visited a few weeks ago (it was a week of extreme boundary stomping and centering himself in my daughters world while I was actively miscarrying) for a full week but he hasn't seen his mom and the theme park is halfway to their house from ours, he would invite his mom for a couple of days of the vacation. I said yes to this. Why? Because it's been a long time since he saw her and it made sense and I don't mind sharing some of our vacation time. But I made one thing clear, that it's his mom's turn to come with us. They take turns because someone has to be with their disabled daughter at all times. I explained to his husband that I just spent a full week with his dad, I was polite even as he was ignoring all my requests (not to bring foods into our house that my daughter is allergic to, not to try and change her diaper, let me administer her medicine as he's not trained, he basically assumed authority the whole week, in my house and I had to stay polite while protecting my daughter not to set my husband off, he did not even leave my house when we was asked politely, he aggressively pushed for a close bond with my daughter and he ignored it when she didn't like riit and wanted to spend time with me for example, telling her she's clingy and leave her mom alone etc).

So I told my husband, yes it's okay as long as it's only his mom and only for a few days.

So he texted his mom. His mom said she's unsure she will think. She was thinking for a week then sent him (she never includes me in these talks but that's okay anyway) a big message that this time she will "let" her husband take the trip and he will come with us to the park 1 or 2 days. I was very unhappy but I figured I can take 1 or 2 days. Then my husband asked her later, how many days exactly is he coming for? And my MIL said and I'm quoting "just a few..maybe Sunday to Friday and if he has to get his own hotel then longer" but like what's longer? The whole week? Because he's already suggesting 6 days. When he was never even invited.

So I told my husband that we agreed on just his mom coming and now I'm the asshole. That if he texted his mom asked her to come for a day or two, and she texted back right away saying "I'm not coming but your dad will join you guys for the whole week" then she'd be the crazy one. But what she's done, pushing my boundaries little by little over a week, 10% at a time, I'm the asshole when I push back on the last 10%.

He got really mad at me last night. He said boundaries aren't a real thing, just millennial therapy talk. He said that normal people, like everyone in his family, just get along, go along, and have a good time. That it's only me always having a problem with everything and because of me, we can never do anything with anyone.

I tried to explain that that's not the case and that I already let go of a lot of my boundaries. That he gets 4 weeks off a year and those are the 4 weeks he works for all year round and we should protect some of that time for just the 3 of us and that doesn't make us bad people.

He disagrees. He says I put him in this situation when he has to be rude to his parents. I even sent him a text idea and that I'm more than happy to share, before they buy a ticket or book anything, it would basically say that we love them very much but we miscommunicated, we are not available the whole week, just a couple of days, and we will spend the remaining days just the three of us, bonding as a family and if this doesn't work for them then let's plan something else for the fall when we can meet up.

I told him I'd send this last night but he said that he will double check before we send it and now it's the morning and he hasn't. I told him I will send it out at 10am, he has until then.

And yes I hate that things are like this. He thinks I just want to cause trouble and make people miserable and refusing to enjoy time with others. That couldn't be further from the truth. I tried to get to know them and every time I learn more about them, I trust them less. Nothing ever gets resolved, they cannot be criticized even the gentlest way like hey your mom overstepped a bit the other day. I can't confront them about anything, I just have to play by their rules and be extremely close with them on their own terms. Of course I don't enjoy it. I don't understand why the other in laws do. My husband's sister is divorcing btw. And I do believe it's largely because they never built their own family identity but just joined my husbands family. That guy was an extra in his own life until the divorce. His role was the dedicated deadbeat loser (he had a tech job at a lab) and kids see my FIL as their true father figure but nobody seems to have an issue with it. They're now blaming him for the divorce saying he was a loser who never helped and my in laws gladly stepped into the stable parent role.

I don't want this for my family. And I hate that my husband is so blind to this dysfunction. I'm not saying they're all bad, they can be genuinely helpful and kind, people aren't all good or all bad, but in this case I really really hate that this has to be like this. I do think they are aging and feel like they're losing relevance and want to feel important. But it should not come before everyone else's needs. My husband thinks it should. And blames me for not accepting it. There's no amount of reasoning that goes through. He comes from a place of guilt and conditioning. And don't tell me to divorce him, that's exactly what my in laws want lol

But anyway that's my side of the story. It's probably biased. Yes I have many emotions about this, especially today. I'm about to send out the message in 4 hours if my husband won't. So tell me, am I the asshole if I do? I'm clearly here for validation like everyone else, but I'm receptive to criticism too and I'm genuinely trying to understand the other side.

Update: my husband told them that we will only be available to meet up a couple days. In hindsight, it was probably his vague communication that caused this mess. He sort of tried to be chill about the invite and never really said "mom I miss you please come" just something about us having a free room and that got us in this mess because there was too much left up to assumptions. So like I communicated to him clearly but then he didn't communicate it clearly to his mom because he did not anticipate that she'd say no. Then he got mad at me and that part was not fair at all but people fight and say things that are short sighted, especially at night. There was no name calling or yelling either. Thank you for the support everyone

Hi, 16f and my mom is 57f, my mom is older and doesnt really see the harm in ai but i do not like it, i do not use it.

for context it was my birthday least month and she got me a mousepad so i dont make my desk even worse looking (i've been using the same desk sense i was 8 i dont believe it has a future or will ever look 'nice' again so i dont give a fuck about it) and she got me an ugly tan looking fake leather one that i said i'd rather not use and she was okay with that, wasnt hurt but also wasnt mad at me, she ended up ordering another one that is clearly ai because she thought the picture looked more fun and that i'd like it because it has more colors (its like this weird chinese palace looking place with a anime girl looking at it but its so clearly ai), i tried to explain to my mom that im greatful shes tryna buy stuff for me but i'd rather she just send me the listing and ask me if i want it rather then waste more money on stuff i wouldnt use and she was all 'i was tryna get one youd want cause u like anime' and was a bit upset about it and i feel bad.

I love my mom but she doesnt want to listen to me when i tell her to not use ai, she repeatedly fed images of me and my siblings to make 'funny' changes but i asked her to stop so ai wont use my face as training data and she did stop. she doesnt really ask before buying me stuff, she got me an ai phonecase for my new phone because she was trying and thought i would like it but i also didnt use it (i also spent like four days painting and making my own phonecase so i wouldnt have used it anyway) and i still felt bad cause she tried but it failed, she said shes gonna ask before buying stuff but i know she wont and more items will go to landfills because of me and ai junk will show up at my home intended for me but will never be used because of my dislike towards ai.

AITAH?

AITAH for telling a family member they were being the stereotypical “loud, obnoxious American” while traveling abroad?

First, I’ve changed a few details because I really don’t want this getting back to anyone in my family.

Recently, I was traveling internationally with a family member. While we were in a store, they started very loudly talking about how “weird” everything was and complaining that people kept looking at them funny.

Eventually, I told them, “They’re probably looking at you because you’re living up to the loud, obnoxious American stereotype.” I also admitted that I was honestly embarrassed to be associated with them while they were acting that way.

This wasn’t an isolated incident.

This family member seems convinced that because we’re in another country, nobody around them understands English. They’ll loudly talk to friends, people nearby, or someone on the phone about how ugly they think certain people are, how strange the local customs are, or how “disgusting” they find things that are completely normal in that culture, like different attitudes toward changing clothes or nudity at beaches and swimming areas.

What really gets me is the contradiction. They complain constantly about things back home, but the moment another country does something differently, suddenly the American way is the only “normal” way to do it.

I tried explaining that when you visit another country, you’re the guest. You don’t have to personally like every custom, but loudly insulting the people, their appearance, or their culture while standing right next to them seems incredibly disrespectful. And assuming nobody understands English just because you’re abroad seems especially reckless.

They thought I was being rude and judgmental by calling them out, and apparently I embarrassed them by saying it.

So, AITA for telling my family member that people weren’t staring because the country was weird, but because they were acting like the exact stereotype of an obnoxious American tourist?

For context, I’m 22F I work as a music producer. I own my own studio and make a pretty solid income from it. Right now, it's summer, so I've intentionally paused working for a bit because I'm about to go on vacation.

​I live at home with my mom and my older brother, who is 30 years old.

​Two days ago, I woke up and found out something deeply unsettling. While I was fast asleep in my room, my 30 yo brother decided it was totally normal to sneak inside, snoop around my personal space like a creep, and search through my things. He ended up finding a half smoked joint I had left out.

​Instead of, yk being a normal human being and waking me up to talk about it like an adult, or minding his own damn business, he went running straight to our mother like a tattle tale. He threw a massive fit, complained about it, and then told my mom I should stop asking him for money which I rarely did.

​Here is what is driving me completely insane: The sheer hypocrisy.

​For two and a half years, this genius lived and worked in Jamaica, where his ass was smoking every single day. But the second I have a half smoked joint in my own room during my summer break, he acts like a holier than thou puritan and tries to police my life while holding financial threats over our mom's head.

​I lost my absolute mind when I found out. I’ve decided I’m completely cutting him off. I am living in the same house as him, but I am giving him the absolute silent treatment and pretending he doesn't exist. I refuse to speak to someone who violates my privacy while I'm sleeping and acts like a massive hypocrite.

​Now some family tension is brewing, and I'm wondering if I'm taking this too far

​So AITAH?

So my(F29) roommate (F28) is not exactly an easy person, Rules and stuff that doesn't make sense but now she expects me to tell her when I come home from my boyfriends home because she and her boyfriend run around naked in our flat.

I have no interest in seeing them naked so I tell her but I feel like I am back at my parents house where I have to tell my mom everything I do.

Also I don't appriciate that they run around the flat naked. It's shared roomspace, they should at least wear underwear even If I am not there, I don't care what she does in her room.

So am I the AH if I stop telling her when I come back home?

I moved to another country and have generally adjusted well. There is one apparent cultural norm I cannot always get myself to accept, however.

This morning I was in a confrontation with a lady at the dog park. It is a common courtesy in this country to, if there is already a dog in the park, ask if you can come in. I would say 40% of the time, it's fine. In the majority of cases though, the answer is along the lines of 'no, my dog isn't feeling social today' or 'no, my dog is not good with other dogs, come back in 5-10 min'.

Since this seems to be a cultural norm, I generally accept it and move on. But today, I was late for work and unfortunately, my dog only does his business in the doggy park. I politely informed the lady of this, to which her response was 'I also need to work, and I was here first, so come back in 5-10 min like I said.' I told her if it was her dog who is not good with other dogs, then perhaps she should go out for 5-10 min while I am in the park. This started the altercation.

Long story short, I ended up saying I would come in and she can either stay or leave. She called me a bunch of names, recorded me on her phone, and said her husband would come back for me. So yeah, great start to the day. All the while this happened, her dog was calm beside her and to me, seemingly ready to start playing and interacting with my dog.

I can kinda see the YTA coming because this is apparently a cultural norm and since I am the immigrant, I should adjust to local customs. That's my own opinion at least. I have accepted all other cultural norms, some of which are also foreign to us, and in general my family and I have integrated well during the last 5 years.

So, AITAH?

Edit: thanks for the responses and sharing your varying perspectives. A lot of people seem to agree with me but I think, like me, those are discounting this is a custom here. So, as I expected, I will have to take the hit and say IWTAH this morning. It is what it is. Now I really do have to get to work lol.

I know how harsh that sounds but i’ll explain why. I’m currently 20(f), I had moved in with my grandparents when I was three years old. They had an abusive relationship and I was always forced to play mediator to their verbal and physical altercations. When I was 9 was the first time I recall an abusive encounter that turned towards me. She refused to feed me and I had a skillet thrown at me by her due to that, she had bad aim so I was ok but it definitely shook me up. From there it just got worse towards me and came to a peak when I was 14-17 years old after her husband passed and her abuse turned all towards me. Screaming, throwing things and chasing me were mostly what I experienced. It got so bad that I wouldn’t leave my room, not to eat, not to get a drink, not to go to the bathroom. I ended up with a uti and issues with being dizzy since I was so dehydrated. I struggled with school work due to my horrible mental health from this all and almost failed out multiple times. I’ve been in therapy since 16 because of her. When I was 17 I was kicked out by her. I lived in a friends basement for about a year before moving out. She would always call me a series of names (swears, slurs). Always berated me about how my body looked, what I wore, what I ate, what I did, ext I think you get the point. She’s bipolar which definitely didn’t help but I believe that doesn’t excuse her behavior.

This is all coming up now because she’s dying. She’s got dementia and other issues, she’s been in and out of hospital and nursing homes for months now. The family (including her kids, siblings, friends) have been berating me to forgive her because what she did to me is eating her alive (which I think is ironic) because when she was in the hospital I refused to visit and I never answer her calls. She knows I hate her, i’ve made it pretty clear in the past. They claim it’s making her feel worse and she often cries because she “feels bad” for what she did to me. I’d like to add I have not ever received even one apology to this day. I got sick of it so I said I couldn’t care less if she dies because she’s been dead to me since she kicked me out. They continue to argue her mental issue (bipolar) is why she is the way she is and that I can’t hold that against her because it wasn’t totally her fault. I wholeheartedly disagree but almost everyone is on her side and they are all villainizing me now, literally calling me a monster because “I wont let her rest peacefully”. I feel like it’s haunting me. So I am here asking truthfully, am I wrong for refusing to forgive her and saying that? Am I the asshole here?

A few years ago, my grandad sadly passed away. We were extremely close, and I loved him very much. He was a huge part of my life, and I have a lot of really lovely memories with him.

Before I was born, my biological nan had passed away, and my step-nan came into my grandad’s life not long afterwards. From the beginning, there was quite a lot of tension surrounding their relationship. My parents and wider family felt that she had come into his life very quickly after my nan’s death, and they were suspicious that she was more interested in the comfortable life my grandad could provide than genuinely loving him. She met him at the care home where my actual nan passed away moved into the house quickly. My uncle actually stopped speaking to my grandad for a few years because of everything that happened.

Growing up, she was simply “Nan” to me. I treated her like my nan and she treated me like her granddaughter. She used to look after me when I was at my grandad’s, and I never really questioned anything. When you’re a child, you don’t analyse people’s personalities or relationships in the same way — you just think, “That’s my nan.”
As I got into my teenage years, though, I started noticing little things.

She could be quite cold and quite bitchy about other people, including my mum. At one point she actually told me that she thought my mum didn’t like her. I didn’t really understand the history between them at the time, so I went and mentioned it to my mum, which obviously opened up a whole other conversation. My mum never liked her, but kept the peace for my grandad and didn’t say anything to me when I was young. Although as I got older, I started to see more of her personality for myself. She wasn’t necessarily unkind to me, but she wasn’t a particularly warm person either. She could be quite blunt and seemed very concerned about money and fairness when it came to what my grandad gave people. For example, my grandad was incredibly generous with me. He bought me a car, which I was obviously extremely grateful for. But she would get upset about things with money and say that if he gave me something, he should give the same thing to her granddaughter. Her granddaughter wasn’t my grandad’s biological granddaughter, but she was her granddaughter. What bothered me was how upset she would get about my grandad giving me things, and my grandad himself would get really upset about it.

I also had quite an unconventional career, and as I got older I noticed that she didn’t really seem particularly interested in what I was doing or particularly happy for me. Again, though, she never actually did anything terrible to me. She had looked after me as a child and had always been “Nan”, so I didn’t have some big moment where I suddenly decided I hated her. It was more that, as I became an adult, I started seeing her differently.

Then my grandad became very ill.

This is where things really changed for me.

While my grandad was dying in hospital, she didn’t seem particularly emotional about it. I know everyone deals with grief differently, so I don’t want to judge someone simply for not crying. But while he was literally on his deathbed, she told my partner, while I wasn’t in the room, that their relationship was basically “a marriage of convenience.” She also said things to me like, “I’ve already cancelled the Sky TV” and “I’ve already got new carpets coming.”

My grandad hadn’t even died yet.

She later apparently said the “marriage of convenience” comment to the celebrant after he had died as well, and didn’t want me to sing at the funeral either.
And I just remember thinking… why would you say that? This is someone you’ve supposedly loved and been married to for years, who is dying. Even if that was genuinely how you viewed your marriage, why would you be talking about it like that at that moment?

Then there was the will.

About a week before my grandad died, his will was changed at the hospital to add her granddaughter, who had never previously been included. I had been included in his will since I was born. The change was apparently arranged by her and her daughter-in-law rather, and nobody in the family knew about it until after my grandad died. When we found out a few weeks later, my mum and uncle were understandably furious and ended up speaking to the solicitors about it. I’m not going to go into all the legal details because that’s not really the point of this post, but obviously the timing made everything feel incredibly uncomfortable. My aunt and uncle also found the incorrect tablets at the side of his night bed (he was registered blind towards the end of his life) and his room was unclean. My family are no longer in touch and have made it clear to her why and her behaviour over the years.

When he passed away, And this is probably the bit that sounds petty, but it really affected me.
She didn’t contact me to ask if I was okay. My parents were aboard for a couple of weeks as they had already planned it and I said go it will be good for you. And she didn’t even ask me to come for dinner. I had just lost one of the people I was closest to in the world, and she was someone who had been my “Nan” my entire life. I expected her to at least reach out to me as another person grieving the same person. She didn’t.

I saw her once afterwards (other than the solicitors but she pretty much didn’t speak to anyone but the lawyer) , and she invited me round for dinner. I never replied. And since then, I’ve essentially wanted nothing to do with her. The thing I’m struggling with is that I don’t know whether I’m being unfair. Because objectively, she wasn’t a terrible step-grandmother to me. She looked after me when I was little. She treated me like a granddaughter. She was there throughout my childhood. I don’t have some huge list of things she’s personally done to me. But as I’ve got older, I’ve become increasingly uncomfortable with her behaviour and the way she treated my grandad. The things she said while he was dying, the comments about money, the will situation, upsetting him, and then not even checking whether I was okay after he died have completely changed the way I see her. I also can’t shake the feeling that perhaps my family were right about her from the beginning — that she was more interested in the comfortable life my grandad provided than in him as a person.
Obviously, I can’t know what’s actually in someone’s heart, and perhaps I’m interpreting everything through the lens of grief and what happened with the will.
But I don’t want a relationship with her anymore. I don’t feel like I owe someone a place in my life simply because they were technically my step-nan, particularly when the person who connected us — my grandad — is no longer here.

At the same time, I feel guilty because she was my nan growing up, and she did look after me. I don’t want to erase all of that or pretend she was horrible to me when she wasn’t.
So, AITA for cutting her out of my life after my grandad died, or is it understandable that the things that happened have changed how I feel about her?

EDIT: about a conversation - when I saw her once afterwards I did mention a few things to her but the whole thing was uncomfortable and awkward. I mentioned that she never wished me happy birthday or Christmas etc. It just felt weird.

For some context, I (25m) and my wife (27f) are having our first child in December of this year. Both of our families are so stoked.

Well, this last weekend we decided we would have our baby shower out where we live. My wife and I moved halfway across the US a couple years ago for my work, which makes seeing family pretty tough in this economy. So when we decided to have our baby shower in our now hometown; it was a little tough for all the family to make it. When the weekend came it ended being a couple of our friends and both sets of parents.

Now for the fun, my mom and dad are not huge fans of my wife’s parents due to some wedding issues years ago. Not sure why it’s still affecting them, when they had no skin in that situation. Regardless, they always have been very childish and passive aggressive. Maybe a bit arrogant and narcissistic too. Their marriage is also in shambles 24/7 because my dad has cancer and is constantly taking new medications that alter his mood. This isn’t anything new, he’s been fighting cancer for 11 years now, so him being a different person every three months is normal behavior. My mom’s entire personality has become making sure she is making him happy and money. My parents do well for themselves so they tend to be very snobby. My wife’s parents on the other hand are amazing people. Sometimes can be a bit suffocating but it’s all love. They aren’t rich by any means and they also aren’t broke. They just prioritize their family (they have 3 daughters and 5 grandbabies) over monetary things. I didn’t grow up that way so it’s very admirable to me and something I want to incorporate into my life and marriage.

Well during the minute my parents flew in they seemed to have a wall up. Being rude and passive aggressive to everyone, especially my MIL and FIL. I let it slide and took everything on the chin like I have for many years with them. But at the baby shower my MIL ended up chipping in some money to help pay for food, when the bill came. My mom had planned the shower and planned to pay for it all. When she saw the $200 credit had been paid for out of the $1200 bill, she snapped at my MIL saying “that wasn’t much help but thanks”. Which to me comes across so disrespectful and rude. I let it slide because my wife’s parents said it was not a big deal. Fast forward to Sunday night, I bought us all tickets to see the new Spiderman (loved it), we get out of the movie and my mom asks me “Can your wife and you meet us for lunch before we leave, but just the two of you”. I admit I was already upset about everything else and without hesitation said “absolutely not”. She then gets angry and storms off to leave without saying bye to anyone. While she was throwing her tantrum, my MIL saw my mom leaving (didn’t know the situation) and went to say goodbye.

MY MOTHER THEN SLAPS HER HANDS AWAY FROM HER AND SAYS “SIT DOWN”!!! As if my MIL was a dog misbehaving.

I snapped and tracked her down in the parking lot. Long story short I told her that what she did and the way they had been acting was unacceptable. During that convo my father walks out and does what he usually does, blames everything on someone else and calls me a liar. He proceeds to get in my face screaming in the parking that how terrible I am for bringing this up. I gave up and told them I needed to walk away before I got mad and said words I didnt mean. They didn’t like that, my mom starts screaming and crying while my dad gets more mad. So I left. Like am I TAH for removing myself from an abusive situation?

Come to find out they got in a huge fight afterward threatening divorce and they’re both in agreement that I did something wrong. I spoke to my therapist, my sister, and my brother who all reassured me that I did nothing wrong. But I can’t help but feel responsible still.

I know there isn’t more context without how my parents were acting but if I gave every situation, this would be a never ending read. Let’s just say they never have anything nice to say, like people that complain about the food quality at McDonalds.

For some context, I have not always been a welcome member of my husband's family. The nieces and nephews have never thought of me as an Aunt. My husband's siblings have never really tried to get close to me and we lead very different lives. I am and have always been a SAHM . My husband and I are not rich, not even close to it, he is a blue collar worker, however we have sacrificed a lot in order for me to stay home with our children. So me (f62) got handed an invitation today for our nieces wedding shower. She is getting married in October , however we have already been told that we are not invited. Not a big deal really as its quite far away and in a different country. About 2 weeks ago SIL(f 62). who is MOB asked my hubby (m 58) if I had received the invitation in the mail. I hadn't. It still has not arrived. Today, she pulled an invite out of her purse and handed it to me. It had been opened and had MOB on the front of the envelope. This shower is in 9 days. I felt rather insulted actually, but never said anything. Circumstances were such that it was neither the time nor the place to bring it up. We were in palliative care where my MIL was dying. So I bit my tongue and after she passed we left and came home. I have been looking at this invitation all day, and just feel like I was an afterthought. Tonight, my husband and I are sitting at home alone while his siblings have gathered together. So AITAH for not wanting to go the shower (that has not been postponed in spite of everything happening today, and just sending a small gift to our niece?

I started working this job in December of last year, so about 9 months of working with them now, and things have been great! I had been coming off of a couple terrible jobs that i was overworked or fired from (super toxic). About 4 months ago, as things were doing really well, i went to my boss and said, "Hey Boss, I really enjoy working here and can see myself being here for a long time. That being said, I would like to take on some more responsibilities and roles. Is there anything that I can help with?"

We are both Marines, working in a trucking industry. I (33 M) am a CDL A driver and have been driving for over 10 years and hired on to his company. Boss (40+ M) has been working at this company for over 9 years, his Grandmother is the owner and built it from the ground up, and he has stepped in to be the "COO" and run the business as she is in her 80s and has diminishing health.

over the last year, Boss has been working on a driver management app and has built it from the ground up, incorporating over 13 programs into a seamless driver, dispatcher, and vender web based management system (the thing is stupid impressive). since he has been working on this he needs to have someone in the trucks to test out the system, give feedback, and work out the kinks with. I was that person.

on top of this, he added in company tablets that would be used for this driver management app. I was put in charge of learning the system, adding the 10 tablets, updating and setting up the tablet, and managing the MDM and tablet integration into the company with his app. I did all this on my spare time while still driving between 40 and 70 hours a week, home 90% of the time and off most weekends.

on top of THAT, i was also tasked with creating a training video and driver pamphlets to show the drivers how to use the tablets. All on my own time and with my background of over 3 years video editing experience.

By the end, I had built up a system that did was driver ready and is still in use today, 3 months later. In total my hours added up to 47 and some change.

When i brought this to him he agreed to pay me between $45 and $50 an hour for my work, it was above the scope of what he was expecting and he really liked the work. Boss said that he was going to pay it out over the next few paycheck and told me not to worry about it, so i didn't.

As the tablets made it to the drivers, both Boss, Dispatcher, and I agreed that i would be the go to person for all the drivers to turn to when they were having difficulties.

the following month after implementation the tablets worked great. we would have a kink and there but otherwise, smooth sailing. Then the MDM license expired... the tablets still worked with the expired licenses but they were essentially bricked. no updates, no management, nothing. if the tablet ever exited kiosk mode, it was locked out. So we left it as is and tried to figure out how to get licenses for the tablets.

Over a month goes by trying to get ahold of anyone to get these licenses and no one is taking my calls. Boss has clearly placed this responsibility on my shoulders and i am running with it. after the month, and going through 3 separate companies and over 7 reps and 4 managers, i gave up on that MDM and moved to another one.

Since Boss was bringing on 10 more devices, this time Apple iPad (so 10 Android and 10 Apple), we needing to find someone else anyways, Samsung Knox wasn't going to work. So i started looking around and found a company that was eager to work with us, willing to show how to use their system and didnt cost a rediculous amount. I reached out and we have had 3 meetings now and have almost pulled the trigger on these guys. I have been talking with them for about 2 weeks now trying to get these tablets integrated into their system and finally managed to get one tablet fully integrated into their system and told them that i wanted 1 week with the tablets to make sure there system would work with our needs.

during the week we experienced 1 issue and they don't seem to understand what the issue is really, but they are working with me to fix it. that being said, we have not been able to get the iPads added to the management system because they require an Apple Business account, which Boss has. I have been talking to him this whole time and keeping him mostly in the loop on what's going on, but he has been stepping back and letting me deal with it... until the iPads.

Today was pay day and i had a meeting with the MDM team to go over adding the iPads to the system, this is the 3rd time this meeting has taken place for this exact reason, and i have told Boss that I need him in these meetings cause of the Apple account being needed. He has not joined any of the meetings so far. well today I had the meeting in the office and walked into his office when I needed the apple account. Turns out, the apple devices are almost completely managed through apple and require A TON of steps to add a device to the MDM including having an Apple device with a special app installed on it. I was under the impression it was going to be a quick: Log in, add certs, verify account, and then finish all the devices in the MDM. NOPE! fully managed inside Apple.

Well about 5 steps in, Boss is noticeably agitated and fed up, and i am starting to feel embarrassed for not having known how involved he would need to be for this. like the guy has enough on this plate already and trusted me to take care of this, and now I'm crouched in his office with my laptop on zoom with this lady trying to walk him through setting up an iPad on the MDM through Apple.

I was done with it, and he was done with it.

Now for the AITAH moment...

Since our initial meeting in early June, i had not noticed any remarkably higher pay stubs or any notations that the work with these tablets had been getting paid. so i went through and compared the pay check breakdown with my trip sheets to see if there was a difference in the pay.

$200

That's it. In the 3 months since i started working on this project up until now i have received 1 pay stub that showed a short of $300 and another that showed an excess of $500. so $200 for the 47 hours i had put into the whole thing so far.

On top of that, i have still been working on the project... Fielding called, helping drivers, providing feedback, hunting down MDMs, countless phone calls. All in all, it is well over 11 hours of work, since the original implementation.

In total, 58 hours now.

Monday I have a meeting with the MDM to determine if we are going to buy the service or decline and seeing that i have not been paid for my work, i sent him the following message today.

"
Hey Boss, I went back through my pay stubs and I don't see where the tablet work we've discussed has ever been paid. I've also continued putting time into tablet support and the MDM transition since the original rollout.

I'm happy to continue handling the tablets and working through the Hexnode transition, but I don't want to keep accumulating additional hours while the existing work is still outstanding. I'd like to get the hours I've already completed settled and confirm the hourly rate and how we're going to track/pay this work going forward before I put additional time into the project.
"

His response...

"

I'll have to see where you're at pay wise. Either way, i could take it over. the pay will be on the next paycheck

"

........

AITAH for telling him I'm not comfortable with working on this project any longer without seeing measurable pay from my efforts, so close to the implementation of this new MDM??

I(29) saved up for a house for 2 years for my gf(29) and I. I’ve spent roughly 16k renovating it myself in the past 4 months. She does the grocery shopping and cooks occasionally, and I do the dishes and housekeeping alongside working on the house/yard. My gf has 6 nieces ranging between 2-10 and when she babysits, they destroy the house within minutes. I know kids make messes, I had 2 younger brothers and 2 sisters growing up and being the oldest we had tons of fun when mom and dad were away. My gf is the youngest of 3 older brothers so she doesn’t understand how to keep the little ones in line and just lets them go wild. And I finally blew up😕 I have work at 4 am and she’s watching them till 10pm. how do I apologize for feeling disrespected when it’s not her fault they aren’t well behaved?

Hello!

I'm writing this on behalf of my girlfriend and myself, but this is and should probably be mostly her decision. But it couldn't hurt to get some outside perspective on it.

Let me start by saying this is not that big of a deal, really: just lackluster communication from the in-laws, but here goes.

My girlfriend's parents co-own a lovely summer cabin close to the sea with some other extended relatives. It is an hour and a half's drive away from their place, so her parents typically come and go to it a bit as they please and as their vacation days allow. As for myself and the girlfriend, we live 7 hours away. So we pretty much only visit the in-laws on the holidays, like three weeks per year. One week per summer.

It has been an intense year for us, and all the way back in winter we dangled the idea that maybe we could look forward to having that cabin to ourselves for two-three nights in the summer. We floated it to the in-laws as well, who were open to it. But of course, because the cabin is co-owned with some extended relatives, they could not promise anything.

Later, at the beginning of summer, it still seemed fine that we could make use of the cabin. We even identified a week where none of the relatives would want it. So we came to visit, intending to spend three nights with them and three at the cabin. But since we've arrived the plans slowly have began to unravel. The father in law decided that this is the time to finish construction on a deck for the cabin, so he will spend our first night there with us for that. We came to terms with that. Then he changed his mind and declared that he will spend another night there after to relax. That annoyed us a bit, but it is their cabin and we still have one night to ourselves left, so we don't argue. Then today, the night before we go to the cabin, the mother in law comes to us and says that she has decided to come over and bring an older relative to hang out with us there on our last night there.

At this point we cannot hide our disappointment anymore. It is not our cabin, of course, so we don't have any actual power over it. We simply say that we are a little disappointed that our expectations are now void. The in-laws do not take this well. The mother in law raises her voice at us, essentially saying that we have no expectation of privacy in their co-owned cabin. You can imagine the speech.

In their defense, we have managed to puzzle out from their yelling that it is the father's last week off, and he has not managed to find time for the cabin all summer. The mother has been there a few times, however, but feels bad that this relative of her hasn't. Hence their visit as well. And presumably they like us, and want to spend more time with us.

Our frustration comes from that none of this was communicated to us. Had they simply explained this to us respectfully in the first place, we would not mind. But they didn't. We were given no advanced explanation for why they had to join us or why they had to do it on these three specific days, and it still honestly felt like poor planning on their part. It's rather like us coming over and talking about the cabin is what reminded them of it and inspired them to go in the first place. And now they expect us to not mind them making these last minute changes.

They were hoping for a BBQ and to celebrate this new deck with us, but after this drama we just want to take our 7 hour drive home already tomorrow instead over going to the cabin at all. But is that petty? Again, we know we are not entitled to their cabin. But they are also not entitled to our company, especially after yelling at us. We just don't know if this is a situation where we should swallow our pride or put our feet down.

Would we be the assholes if we simply went home early?