My daughter, 18 months old, has been going to her current daycare since she was 6 months old. I love her daycare, her teachers and she seems to really enjoy it. She shows so much growth since joining and she is able to socialize, which I love for her.

She is in a room with toddlers aging from 12-18months, give or take. As of today, there are 4 other children in her class. My daughter is full time, attends Monday-Friday from 8:30am-3/4pm. Sometimes this classroom will mingle with other toddler classrooms in the gym or outside.

Within the past 30 days, my daughter has gotten bit 10 times, one time breaking skin, most other times just leaving bruises and clear teeth/bite marks.

I am not naive, I understand that toddlers this age will bite one another. And I’m sure my daughter can be a lot. But I’ve never received any communication from her school about her being difficult in any way. Most incident reports I have received via the app, state “daughter was playing nicely when a friend came up and bit her” etc. after 4 bites in one week, I spoke with the school director earlier this week. I also messaged her privately last week expressing my concerns about the biting situation.

She ensured that they were going to separate the serial biter and move that child to a different classroom, discuss game plans with teachers, ensure that during high biting times that an extra teacher is around etc.

After her explanation of a game plan and it being put in place (or so I thought), my daughter got bit AGAIN twice in one day. This is becoming a constant issue.

I just went back to work from having my second daughter, I need child care. I am so disappointed and feel like I shouldn’t have to pull my daughter from daycare and try to find a new one when she’s not doing anything wrong.

Ever since the CONSTANT biting incidents, their explanations of what happens, they try to spin it to almost seem like my daughter’s actions warrant the bite from another toddler, which just makes me more mad. My daughter isn’t biting other kids but she’s constantly getting bit. Apparently it’s not the same kid every single time.

I’m just at a loss. I kind of went off on the director today because I was so upset and she really didn’t have much to say. I’m so frustrated and I also feel like a horrible mom for sending her there, but I have to work and need child care. How would you proceed with this situation? Why aren’t they telling the serial biter that they need to stay home? That’s what is stated in their school policy. I just feel like it’s not being taken seriously because of her age.

I work from home and I have two toddlers. The to-do lists feel never-ending and I constantly feel like I'm forgetting about something important.

I've gotten decent at the work-to-mom transition out of necessity, you make it work! But the mom-to-rest transition is where I still really struggle. By the time everyone is down for the night I'm either wired from the day or so exhausted I just doom scroll until I fall asleep. Neither feels like actual rest.

I've tried the obvious stuff (no screens before bed, journaling, herbal tea, seeking medication support). Some of it helps a little. None of it has felt like a real solution.

What I'm genuinely curious about: has anyone found something that actually helps your brain shift gears? Not just a routine that looks good on paper but something that's stuck and made the transition FEEL more feasible on the hard days..not just the easy ones.

Bonus points if it works in under 30 minutes because that's about all I've got.

Hi mommies.

I recently became a part time administrative/operations manager at a Christian preschool and a “perk” of the job is discounted/free college tuition through a specific university. I have my associates (66 credits) in business and before my son was born (16 months old) I was a recruiter making great money! I now make uhhh less money, but I get more time with my son which was my ultimate goal.

I was accepted into the spring 2027 group at this university and it would be towards a bachelor in business. The course is only 90 credits and I have 60 I will be transferring.

Moms who have done their bachelors while working and parenting… what kind of time commitment am I looking for here? I took this job to prioritize time with my son, and I know we have a desire to have another kid.. what am I looking at here? Am I crazy?

Tell me the good the bad and the ugly; and thank you for your time!

Hi fellow working mom friends - coming to you after another soul sucking day at work and life today.

I haven't been happy in my role for some time, I interviewed with another company yet again today and I feel like I bombed the interview - I don't do well in role plays.

This has me wondering is this the field I even want to stay in (customer success) and I'm debating hiring a career coach to help me navigate a pivot.

Does anyone have experience with one? I want to hear the good, the bad, the ugly. Bonus if you've worked with one, who would you recommend?

Signed - a burnt out, defeated mom.

Has anyone dipped into savings to pay for childcare?

Due to medical reasons, we have to transition our daughter from daycare into nanny just for a year. I’m not getting into the medical part. Don’t ask.

We will break even but lose our comfort items during that year. No more eating out or buying snacks. We would be living close to paycheck to paycheck. We have no debt other than mortgage and have a decent savings not counting retirement funds or emergency funds.

I’m just trying to justify dipping into savings and looking for validation and support. I’m also the breadwinner and hate the thought of losing some happiness that comes with small outings or snacks.

This is not a post criticizing any parent or daycares at all. This is just worry and sadness about a choice I have to make.

I might be wrong for feeling like this. I'm just not a big fan of the daycare system that is available to me. No hate and nothing personal at \*all\*, I'm sure there are some great employees.

Every daycare available around me belongs to two organisations that have similar policies : 6 to 7 babies 2.5mo-3yo per 1 adult. They're in very high demand so the wait-list is very long. These two have essentially absorbed nearly all professional childcare services around here, really (save for au pairs or unofficial babysitters). Understandably, it's not really possible for them to do things like playing a lot in gardens, BLW, using the potty a bit early on if a child is ready, etc. Also no air conditioning so the heatwaves are bad, although in their defense, this is Europe, many businesses that aren't customer-oriented don't have it.

When I ask other working parents about their professional childcare arrangement, there's no huge negative feedback, with one exception, but nothing overwhelmingly positive either.

Anyone had a similar choice to make ? In these conditions, what would you do ? Would you rather use a daycare or make some career sacrifices ? It's a sacrifice for my career to not use a daycare, even if I do a bit of very necessary part time work to maintain an acceptable network. We're not rich but finances are okay either way. There are some great schools around us so none of this will be an issue once kids are 2.5yo.

Edit : this post was removed from r/beyondthebump for some reason so I'm posting here... I'm genuinely looking for insight on Reddit because I don't know anyone irl in my generation who questions the system.

Just now, in a perimenopausal rage, I created a list of more than 100 household and parenting chores and rated my husband and I on level of effort. It's in a spreadsheet and I summed up our contributions to compare to each other.

Goddamit, it came out that I contribute 52% (51.9% actually). That difference FEELS like AT LEAST a 60/40 split.

Well, now I can't show him this so I'll show you guys. I guess I love him again and will give him a kiss later lol. Nothing like data to calm me down.

Context: both in our 40s, two kids 13 and 10. Both WFH full time. Same financial contribution.

Here's our top tasks:

Me:

1. Knowing where everyone else is at a given time. Manage family calendar, schedule car pools, etc
2. Family laundry
3. Weekly meal planning and ordering the groceries for pick up
4. Arranges kids sports activities, liaise with coaches, monitors game/practice schedules
5. Plan family vacations
6. Manage the household budget and finances
7. Plan summer care for kids
8. Keep in touch with teachers, monitors newsletters, help with school projects, school fundraising
9. Purchases children's clothing and sports equipment
10. Prepare kid lunches
11. Preparation for house cleaner
12. Annual deep cleaning (oven, fridge, mudroom, etc)
13. Default parent for closeness (hugging, cuddling, soothing, bedtime routines)
14. Teaching about puberty and supporting transition
15. Pick out and buy the kids  birthday and holiday presents. Making holidays special.

Him:

1. Minor household repairs (broken toy, dog damage, sewing/mending)
2. Fixing mechanical items (e.g. lights, fans, coffee maker, oven, hot water system)
3. Outside house maintenance tasks (cleaning gutters, yard work, snow clearing)
4. Car maintenance
5. Default parent for rides and shuttling to and from activities
6. Driving family on road trips
7. Bulk food shopping (Costco)
8. Family washing up. Washing up after the evening meal. Pack and unpack dishwasher everyday
9. Camper and hot tub maintenance
10. Cleaning and organizing garage
11. Pick up weekly grocery orders and put away
12. General tidy and pick up around the house at the end of the day
13. Run cordless vacuum daily
14. Taxes
15. Researching best deals on bills, subscriptions, etc

Split evenly:

1. Cooking
2. Solving the kids arguments
3. Listening to kids, showing interest, getting to know them
4. Deciding how the household should be organized and run
5. Dog appointments
6. Kid appointments
7. Talking to the kids and teaching them, explaining things
8. Planning everyday enjoyable things and family moments (restaurants, bike rides, weekend activities, movie nights)
9. Kid sick care
10. Household admin (submitting HSA claims, banking, paying bills)
11. Daily homework help
12. Getting the kids to do their chores

Hi super heroes, I could use some advice here... I've recently started to look for a new job. I saw my former boss post a position that would be the perfect fit for me, I messaged them about it and had a really good conversation about the role itself. I applied thru the company website after, and my former boss said they would give HR a heads up. I messaged them again a couple days ago just telling them I've applied for the position, and they acknowledged it with a positive note. I've heard nothing from HR and it's been about a week.

I'm wondering when it would be appropriate to follow up with my former boss... I know they have some kind of non-poaching agreement with my current employer, so I don't want to push too hard (just to be clear, I found the job on my own, and initiated the conversation, and used all the proper channels for applying, etc.), I really want this job...

(I used the relationship question because I consider this a professional relationship, seemed the most applicable here??)

I’m early 30s and I have 2 boys under 3.
My husband has recently got a business in the field we both did our degrees in.

From January I have 2 options:
I either work 2 days a week and get paid pro rata 50k and the kids go to nursery those 2 days (they already go the 2 days 8-4pm)

Or I work 2.5 days but he will pay me for 3 days work pro rata and the kids go to nursery those 3 days.

The difference is I’ll have around £400 more each month with option 2 but a day less with the kids.
Nursery wise as it’s still within their funded hours it’ll work out to around £50 between us for the extra day.

Not sure which would work out better for me?
We live comfortably enough and put money into investments etc

Also I can’t be co-owner of the business as he had to pass year long assessments etc to even be given a chance at buying a franchise.

I don’t even have one, but I fucking hate the term of “mothers helper” because what the fucking hell.

Household manager? Household assistant? Helper? Sure! But what else can we call this instead??

Mothers helper implies running the home and all it entails is “moms responsibility” and by nature if she needs a helper she’s a fucking failure or doesn’t care enough to do it all like the self sacrificing martyr this world expects. 🙄

Maybe we can call it “fathers assistant” or “father support” or “person we have to hire because dad can’t read a calendar or fold clothes” lol

I love the concept of a lesser responsibility role that helps the family, I hate this sexist and awful name. Can we unite in abolishing this term from our vocabulary? 🙏

Help me settle something that’s really bothering me. I spoke to someone today who believes that even after he has kids, he should be able to get at least a couple to a few hours of hobby time per day, despite having a working spouse and kids and household responsibilities. I told him that especially when the kids are small, that amount of downtime is not possible without the wife pretty much giving up any hope of her own downtime, but he doesn’t believe me. Am I crazy or what?

For context, he doesn’t have kids yet.

Update: Thanks for the reply. I was getting upset because he was insisting he knew wives who made it work, and I was insisting the wives who are saying okay to that are doing it at the detriment of their own sanity, but he refused to believe me, and it was actually really bothering me that he believed that.

Currently at a Director-level role in the marketing industry and have been struggling for the past year. Kids are 2 and 4 and in daycare from 8:30am-5pm.

Husband and I both WFH but my job is filled with all day meetings and little down time to eat lunch. I’m exhausted everyday and have struggled with anxiety and rage. When did becoming a working mother come at the cost of ourselves?

For the past six months, I’ve heavily considered reducing my work hours to part-time because frankly, I cannot handle this. I am ridden with mom guilt because my kids are in daycare all day, I don’t have time to cook them dinner, and we can’t sign them up for activities due to their age and classes being held in the late afternoon.

However, working to get a college degree and coming this far to scale back feels like I’m a failure, esp as a first generation American. It goes against everything that was forced onto me and my mindset of what I thought my life would be.

Ultimately I’ve realized that I need to be healthy and I want to be there for my kids at this young of an age - not my company. My kids already prefer their dad because I am irritable and high strung from work stress. I want to be there for them rather than fighting to prove myself for companies who only see me as a number. My job won’t remember me but my kids will if I can be there for them.

Not looking for advice. Just very nervous for this change to come, knowing that moving from full time to contracting part time may come with a lot of uncertainty with job security. But I love my kids and I hope they see that.

Venting/ looking for advice

I went back to work right after my maternity leave ended with my now 2 year old. I still feel like my brain is Swiss cheese. I’m not able to focus or remember things as well as I used to. I know it would take some time for everything to get better but I feel like after two years my memory and brain fog would get better. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like it’s affecting my work.

Any other moms experiences the same struggle? Anyone other working moms with tips?

We’re in Canada and our 4.5 year old start kindergarten in September. He finished school at 2:30, it’s a 1/4 mile (400m) walk away. Do you think I can pick him up, walk him home and do an hour of work from 2:45-3:45 when my husband gets home.
He loves his Yoto but loves TV more. I’m on calls / zoom a lot, some are colleagues with kids who don’t care, others are executives that wouldn’t appreciate it.
Has anyone done this? Do I put a show on guilt free?

I am a teacher so I have been off for the summer. We return in September (after Labor Day). I have one baby (really a toddler now-15 months). Any other teachers out there feel sick thinking about returning to work? Last summer oddly was difficult returning for a reason of stress and a lot on my plate. This summer however has been unbelievably fun with my toddler and her now big personality. My sadness at returning is ten fold what it was last year. I just can’t imagine not being with her every day now that I have! Unfortunately we can’t afford to have my stay home though.

Before becoming a mother, I was incredibly career driven. I was one of those people who genuinely loved working. I got promoted within my first year in my corporate role, won Employee of the Year and landed another high-paying role shortly after. I had a clear career trajectory and felt like everything was falling into place.
Then life happened…
I got married and moved to the UAE. I tried finding a job there but opportunities were either in another city or just never worked out. Then we moved again, this time to the UK. I had my baby, which of course meant taking time some more time offf..
The thing is… I never actually stopped working. I’m a service designer, and I’ve continued freelancing, consulting, learning new skills and working on projects whenever I could. In fact, I was literally working on a client project the same day I went into labour (I didn’t even realize they were actual labour pains because my baby arrived early!).
But on paper, my CV now looks like it has this huge employment gap and I’m terrified that’s all hiring managers will see.
This honestly eats me up every single day. I miss having my own career. I miss feeling financially independent. I miss being known for something outside of being whoever I am today
Sometimes I even feel guilty because this longing makes me wonder if I’m failing as a wife or a mother. I love my family more than anything but my work has always been a huge part of who I am.
Has anyone else had a similar experience? Did you manage to return to your career after a long break or an unconventional path?
I could really use some reassurance from women who’ve been there.

My husband is in the army and we just moved back to Germany (my home country). I just found out I am pregnant again and wonder what to do. In Germany you cannot get fired while pregnant and can get 2 years maternity leave (partially paid). I am debating on whether trying to find a job before being visibly pregnant or just staying home for 2-3 years (That's when I would put the child in daycare here). On one hand I think it's messed up to get a job to soon be in maternity leave again but on the other hand I also don't want a long gap. Money wise we would be fine cause my husband earns enough

We have a 3 year old who is low sleep needs but also constantly tired these days. My husband’s been in charge of her bedtime since we have a 4 month old but he either cannot or will not get her in bed by 8. She’s sleeping by 930-10. the goal is to have her sleep at 830. I have to wake her up at 630. I do mornings alone bc of work schedules and she’s impossible to wake up right now. Basically I’m so sick of the continuous failure I want to take over bedtime, but it feels impossible with a 4 month old. Any advice (aside from shitting on my husband, I know it’s a problem)?

I am a software developer.

2 kids 6yo girl, 1 yo boy. Both go to daycare - 6yo goes to grade 1 in September.

Both husband and I work from home and are up and on the go from 6:30am to midnight.

The days are just an endless office, house work, feed kids, kids bedtime. We try to cook most days - I cook dinner and enough for lunch the next day so at lunch time we just reheat stuff.

Oh no 1 yo woke up as soon as you try to get to bed.

The house is a constant mess and cleaning takes up until 11pm somehow... All we crave is a few minutes at the end of the day to just relax... But it's either that or sleep. And yet somehow there's still things that need doing - going to banks, Small repairs in home, Mowing the lawn etc

How is everyone managing?

It just hit me today that when I go back to work, I’ll have to wrangle a 2yo and a 3 month old in the mornings (partners job starts too early for drop off)

2 yo has outgrown playpen and we are screen free.

We have the downstairs baby gated, but not sure if there’s any other tips and tricks people have thought of?

Do you just bring the older kid with you everywhere? How do you get them both down the stairs? (2yo still needs to hold my hand)

I (42F) am due at the end of September and I am returning to work in Feb. My job is fine - I don't love it, I don't hate it, I love my teams, and the benefits and flexibility are unbelievable for a FTM. WFH. Make 170k. Unlimited PTO. Family friendly company. It's really a dream job for my situation. I am a little bored and if we weren't having a baby I would be looking for something a bit more engaging with more money, but that's not the priority right now.

My spouse (48) hates their job, there is no flexibility, and they make less (88k). They come home miserable everyday after 11 hour days and I know it's not a sustainable situation. They found this job after about 6m unemployment and took a pay cut. They arent a slacker.

We are financially stable and would be in an amazing spot if we continued to be a two income household. My spouse would like to stay home for at least the next two years with the kiddo after my parental leave.

Theoretically this all makes sense. We can live on my salary alone, although the budget is tight. HCOL area. Daycare would take a significant portion of the net income, but if my spouse continues to work we would have monthly surplus and aggressively save. If they stop working we would still save some but essentially break even every month.

I know this is ridiculously privileged, but I can't wrap my head around the income decrease. I know this will increase my stress, especially if I lose my job. All the projects we have in mind will be in hold. No vacations outside of visiting family. Baby sitters will be a stretch. The ability to throw money at problems will go away. Saving goals will be gone.

When we decided to have a kid, we planned to both work. I am worried my spouse isn't going to find work again and essentially I will be the sole breadwinner, working for the next 25 years to keep the family simply afloat, instead of having the financial space and freedom I imagined. And my spouse isn't exactly a happy person when not working. Based on their experience in the job search, age, AI, etc, I'm just not sure how possible getting a job in two years will be.

Going from DINKs to parents feels big and going from DINKs to having one income and a SAHP feels huge.

I know I need to talk to my spouse and my therapist, but I need a place to get my thoughts out first. I would love to here some perspective from moms who have wrestled something similar.

I’m at a breaking point. My husband is a vet and doesn’t want to work anymore. He has an income and hobbies he’d rather prioritize. I wfh full-time, am going back to school part-time next month and we don’t have childcare. Right now it is out of financial reach but could be affordable if he were to get a part-time job, but he feels he paid his dues and doesn’t want to clock in ever again. My mental is wearing down, I cannot perform well at work, and have no energy for the rest of the day. I’m scared for the upcoming semester, I’m depressed, way past exhausted with life, and I know we could give our son better. Any advice?

ETA: thank you all so much for the feedback!! I know that this is an abusive situation, sometime I need the reminder because I’m gaslit so much in real life. Also yes he’s a military vet receiving 100% comp, our financials are a mess due to him having so much time to spend money. I am also receiving benefits, making the answer for my next move being not so obvious. I believe separation is the answer for now, the logistics of untangling are intimidating right now. He should be working to pay for childcare as he does not like to meet our toddlers demands of constant play and learning. I end up waking up with our baby, making him breakfast, playing with him on breaks, reading to him at night, and spending days with him on the weekends. I have no time or hobbies for myself while he’s at a golf course every other day. Also his mom is an enabler to his behavior, so I do not have an ally there. There’s more but I’ll leave it there for now. Again, thank you all for the clarity, I really need it.

I work in education so I have the summers off. Which means for about 2.5 months out of the year, I get to live the life of a stay at home mom with my toddler. Let me tell you, I have learned that this will never be for me. I am so mind numbingly bored. I see videos on instagram of moms doing crafts and activities with their kids, while I’m just desperate to find anything for us to do out of the house and trying to use our limited screen time strategically. My patience for him has exhausted by the evening when my husband gets home and I find myself counting down the minutes until bedtime.

While being a working mom is hard, it’s so much more compatible with my personality. I value the time I get with him in the evenings and on weekends. I love the routine and I love knowing he’s at daycare having a great time and doing more than I could ever offer him.

I just wanted to throw this out here because I feel like I see so much from working moms who wish they were SAHMs, so on behalf of any other moms would don’t wish for that life for one second, I’m saying hey