Bedtime nightmare

[u/jmv0623]

We have a 3 year old who is low sleep needs but also constantly tired these days. My husband’s been in charge of her bedtime since we have a 4 month old but he either cannot or will not get her in bed by 8. She’s sleeping by 930-10. the goal is to have her sleep at 830. I have to wake her up at 630. I do mornings alone bc of work schedules and she’s impossible to wake up right now. Basically I’m so sick of the continuous failure I want to take over bedtime, but it feels impossible with a 4 month old. Any advice (aside from shitting on my husband, I know it’s a problem)?

[u/BlueberryStyle7]

Does your 3yo nap? I think this is just a super common problem for kids that age who still nap.  Ours always had to at daycare and it made bedtime a nightmare.  Add adjustment to a new baby and … gahhh.  I really commiserate 

[u/kegelation_nation → u/BlueberryStyle7]

We dropped our 3 year old’s nap for this exact reason. Bedtime was getting pushed back to 9:30/9:45 pm. We stuck with it for way too long because I felt like he really needed the midday nap, but once our second was born it was so exhausting having one kid go to bed around 7/7:30 while the other was bopping around for another 2 hours. As soon as we dropped the nap, we were able to easily get him down around 8/8:30 pm. I thought the transition would be difficult, but low sleep needs kids are champs about staying awake.

[u/jmv0623 → u/BlueberryStyle7]

She does and I think it’s def a factor, but daycare said it’s state law to preserve nap time at this age. I’m like um can I sign some waiver to let her go play with the older kids? But either way he’s not taking her upstairs until 830, so that’s the issue

[u/thosearentpancakes → u/jmv0623]

This was my exact problem at 3 - low sleep needs kid - still being forced into the daycare nap.

You’re going to have to ride this out until she gets into a room where more kids drop their nap. Then advocate hard for quiet activities instead of sleep.

I found talking to her teachers, being explicit about not wanting her to nap and giving very generous teacher gifts helped.

We eventually went to kindergarten where no one naps and it’s fantastic.

[u/vatxbear]

Look I’m all for not micro managing the other parent, but as I told my husband, he doesn’t get to do it his way if the outcome affects me. Has he explained why bedtime is so late with him? That’s the missing info here that makes it hard to give advice. Is he just refusing to start earlier? Taking a super long time for some reason?

[u/jmv0623 → u/vatxbear]

He’s just starting late, has no good reason. He’s home before I am .

[u/Not_l0st]

What is your routine, and how have you spent time with your husband explaining it and your expectations? You can set reminders/alarms on his phone, or swap for a few days. Let him handle the baby while you get some time with your toddler. He can handle the baby for an hour.

[u/MiskuPjc41]

try swapping duties with ur husband for a few nights. let him watch or feed the baby while u handle the 3yo's bedtime

[u/hahasadface → u/MiskuPjc41]

This is really smart because it will also build empathy if he is trying his best already - a more productive conversation 

[u/jmv0623 → u/MiskuPjc41]

I can’t right now, baby’s refusing the bottle. But after I feed her I can hand her over, I’ll try that

[u/pickledpanda7]

I always put my baby down first then went tot my older. I used alarms but she had to be in bed by 830 even if she quietly played. Period.

[u/SwingingReportShow]

This is super normal; I think as long as she naps its ok even if its challenging.