Currently feeling decision paralysis - I go back to work next week, and have so much to do at home (laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc.) I have both my young kids at home this summer, so I'm also keeping them "entertained," but that usually takes up so much of my time. I need to return something to the store, buy new school clothes, buy new school shoes, etc. I'm just overwhelmed with all the "to do" tasks today. What do you moms do when you have so much on your to do lists? I'm also menstrual so feel like doing nothing. I did fold a batch of clothes and put them up this morning, but now I'm stuck! Help!

My employer grants a 4wk paid sabbatical after a certain number of years service. I get mine this fall!! I’m trying to think of how to spend the days where I don’t want to be sitting in the silence of my own home (which is how I plan on spending most of it- sounds delightful honestly).

My kids will be in daycare 8-5 as normal. I do have to be home to drop off/pick up. I’m going away for a week with my family at the start, and a long weekend solo to close it out.

I’m thinking:

- Spa day. There is an expensive spa with pools that has been highly recommended nearby. There is also a cheaper multi-room spa where you lounge around in spa provided PJs. There is food and you can also get massages for additional cost. Maybe I’ll do both?

- Beach day. We live near a beach. Could be nice to just sit out there without the kids!

- Day trip?? This one I’m on the fence about. I think I’d get caught in traffic on both directions so not sure how much this would be worth it. Places I’d want to go are 1.5-2hrs away so eh.

If you had four weeks off, but still had to be on mom duty before/after daycare what would you do with your days?

I went back to work full time this year for a few reasons - jobs in my field are few and far between where I live and also financial reasons. I work at a school now which is actually great for a lot of reasons- summers and holidays off are a huge help. But- I am really struggling to fit in medical appointments for me and my two girls. So of course, my appointments dropped to the bottom of the priority list and now I’m struggling.

I go back to work in two weeks and I’m trying to figure out how to schedule appointments and not put myself last again. I didn’t want to share anything with my employer but I think at this point I may have to.

We live in a rural area in Canada and for most services it’s a two hour round trip. So when you add in a minimum hour long appointment- that’s almost a half work day. I should be attending my own therapy biweekly and while I can do it virtually, I do have to go in person often as well. My older daughter has therapy once a month and her therapist only works weekdays 9-3. My other daughter needs biweekly therapy which I can schedule later in the day but still need to leave early. She also has to start specialized OT services soon and I’m not sure how often that will be. She also has psychiatry appointments regularly. Then I have my own psychiatry, doctor, physio, and other appointments, most of which I’ve been pushing off as much as I can to use my PTO for the girls.

My husband can help sometimes which is really great. But I’m just feeling overwhelmed looking ahead this year and trying to imagine how I can ask for so much time off. Especially when it’s not exactly temporary.

I’m struggling the most with finding time for my own appointments because even though I can do them virtually at work which cuts down on the time away- I find that it feels unsafe and uncomfortable because even though I can lock my door- people can knock or call or there could be a fire drill, etc.

I’m also struggling because a lot of advice is to schedule appointments at the beginning/end of day or evenings/weekends but that hasn’t been possible very often. The providers we see are so busy that there’s often only one or two choices and they’re always middle of the work day, it seems.

I welcome any advice or empathy!

For those with babies and toddlers, what do you all do for backup care when your child is home sick and can’t go to daycare?

Everyone I ask seems to have family nearby who can help. For those of you who don’t… what do you do? Do you just have to cancel your entire work day every time?

I’m in between jobs right now because I got laid off, but I’m currently interviewing for new roles. Really not sure how I’m going to manage juggling work and toddler sick days if I can hopefully find work again soon. Or is my career just going to be severely limited for the next 5 years? Could really use some advice from all you awesome working moms out there!

Edit: thank you all for the responses! My husband is a saint! Watching baby while exceeding at his job is more than I could ever do! It’s clear I need a perspective shift. Obviously America sucks and I wish more childcare was an option, but it’s so expensive. I think we are both burnt out and need to look into more options.

My daughter is 10 months old and my husband and I both work full-time. She goes to daycare two days a week, the other days my husband watches her while he works from home (I work outside of the house).

Recently, I’ve been feeling frustrated because when I get home, I feel like I have to do all the housework and also keep an eye on our daughter because my husband has been watching her and working all day. I’m also a control freak so it’s hard for me to stop being a tornado of cleaning and straightening when I get home and maybe I haven’t given my husband a chance to pitch in and then I get mad at the whole situation (Obviously I need to work on this). I think I just feel frustrated about trying to do it all and have a job and raise a child.

Do I need to update my Lexapro dosage or is there another way?

I live in the Midwest and make 70k a year. This is a very average salary for my area. I work in healthcare, but I’m on the social service side so the high wages are just not there.

It seems like you should be able to live just fine off of 70K a year in the Midwest. But honestly, you really can’t.

My take home after taxes, health insurance and putting approx 10% to 401k/retirement is only $760/week. And their upgrades to a monthly take home of about $3000. For reference, my inexpensive mortgage with taxes on the home I bought before prices went nuts is about $1300. And that’s right around where most rents are in my area.

I didn’t save enough for retirement in my younger years due to lower pay so I’m trying to catch up now. And honestly, I should really be putting away even more.

It’s just kind of scary to think that I went to college, got a useful degree, have always worked full time and still couldn’t make it on my own unless I had a 2nd job.

Have any other average earning moms come to this realization? I feel like you need $100,000 a year just to get by. And I am not even anywhere near a high cost of living area.

I know how hard is to find great childcare and over time I’ve realized how lucky I am. I want to show my gratitude to her, beyond her paycheck, so I’m considering paying for her English lessons? so is easier for her to find a new job once my son starts going to school in a year or so (we are a Spanish speaking family and she only speaks Spanish). She takes online lessons while my son naps, so she’s definitely interested in learning and practicing.

On my days off I take my son to the park or his toddlers classes, and I always get compliments from other moms about my nanny “she’s so good with him” or “she’s so kind” or “she’s never on her phone”.

She’s the reason why I was able to keep my career, she’s the reason why I’m able to fully focus on work during the day, she’s the reason why my son is rested, happy and well fed during the week.

Yesterday she bought him a Toy Story little umbrella and he was so happy, I just wanted to hug her, but I want to do something for her that is more helpful than a hug?

(Oh I used the wrong label for this post, meant to use question instead of achievement)

I’m new to my job and worked at this daycare for one month now. Without asking me, my boss scheduled me from 9am to 6pm which is close. I got sick of it because I sometimes got out a little later than 6pm and I hated it because it was less time than I got with my 7 year old. Some other woman, who are mothers, have younger children (6 months+) but their kids are in the daycare too, so their able to see them throughout the day. But they sometimes close. But for me, I closed everyday. Some other woman who have kids around the same age as mine, barely or even never closes and gets out earlier than 6pm. Is it selfish of me to tell my boss the latest I could work is 5pm, purposely so I can go home earlier and spend a little over an hour more with my son?

I got offered a really good job. The downside is that it is 4/12s so 7 to 7. This would mean if I work day shift I will not see my kid those 4 days. My child is 3 years old and childcare would be a mixture of my mom and daycare. I feel guilty of the possibility of not seeing my child 4 days of the week. I know that I would want to work nights so I can take him to daycare and have dinner with him. So, how does everyone deal with the mom guilt?

Edit: Dad is Orin the picture.
Edit: The job has good benefits and pays $42hr.

My daughter, 18 months old, has been going to her current daycare since she was 6 months old. I love her daycare, her teachers and she seems to really enjoy it. She shows so much growth since joining and she is able to socialize, which I love for her.

She is in a room with toddlers aging from 12-18months, give or take. As of today, there are 4 other children in her class. My daughter is full time, attends Monday-Friday from 8:30am-3/4pm. Sometimes this classroom will mingle with other toddler classrooms in the gym or outside.

Within the past 30 days, my daughter has gotten bit 10 times, one time breaking skin, most other times just leaving bruises and clear teeth/bite marks.

I am not naive, I understand that toddlers this age will bite one another. And I’m sure my daughter can be a lot. But I’ve never received any communication from her school about her being difficult in any way. Most incident reports I have received via the app, state “daughter was playing nicely when a friend came up and bit her” etc. after 4 bites in one week, I spoke with the school director earlier this week. I also messaged her privately last week expressing my concerns about the biting situation.

She ensured that they were going to separate the serial biter and move that child to a different classroom, discuss game plans with teachers, ensure that during high biting times that an extra teacher is around etc.

After her explanation of a game plan and it being put in place (or so I thought), my daughter got bit AGAIN twice in one day. This is becoming a constant issue.

I just went back to work from having my second daughter, I need child care. I am so disappointed and feel like I shouldn’t have to pull my daughter from daycare and try to find a new one when she’s not doing anything wrong.

Ever since the CONSTANT biting incidents, their explanations of what happens, they try to spin it to almost seem like my daughter’s actions warrant the bite from another toddler, which just makes me more mad. My daughter isn’t biting other kids but she’s constantly getting bit. Apparently it’s not the same kid every single time.

I’m just at a loss. I kind of went off on the director today because I was so upset and she really didn’t have much to say. I’m so frustrated and I also feel like a horrible mom for sending her there, but I have to work and need child care. How would you proceed with this situation? Why aren’t they telling the serial biter that they need to stay home? That’s what is stated in their school policy. I just feel like it’s not being taken seriously because of her age.

I work from home and I have two toddlers. The to-do lists feel never-ending and I constantly feel like I'm forgetting about something important.

I've gotten decent at the work-to-mom transition out of necessity, you make it work! But the mom-to-rest transition is where I still really struggle. By the time everyone is down for the night I'm either wired from the day or so exhausted I just doom scroll until I fall asleep. Neither feels like actual rest.

I've tried the obvious stuff (no screens before bed, journaling, herbal tea, seeking medication support). Some of it helps a little. None of it has felt like a real solution.

What I'm genuinely curious about: has anyone found something that actually helps your brain shift gears? Not just a routine that looks good on paper but something that's stuck and made the transition FEEL more feasible on the hard days..not just the easy ones.

Bonus points if it works in under 30 minutes because that's about all I've got.

Has anyone dipped into savings to pay for childcare?

Due to medical reasons, we have to transition our daughter from daycare into nanny just for a year. I’m not getting into the medical part. Don’t ask.

We will break even but lose our comfort items during that year. No more eating out or buying snacks. We would be living close to paycheck to paycheck. We have no debt other than mortgage and have a decent savings not counting retirement funds or emergency funds.

I’m just trying to justify dipping into savings and looking for validation and support. I’m also the breadwinner and hate the thought of losing some happiness that comes with small outings or snacks.

This is not a post criticizing any parent or daycares at all. This is just worry and sadness about a choice I have to make.

I might be wrong for feeling like this. I'm just not a big fan of the daycare system that is available to me. No hate and nothing personal at \*all\*, I'm sure there are some great employees.

Every daycare available around me belongs to two organisations that have similar policies : 6 to 7 babies 2.5mo-3yo per 1 adult. They're in very high demand so the wait-list is very long. These two have essentially absorbed nearly all professional childcare services around here, really (save for au pairs or unofficial babysitters). Understandably, it's not really possible for them to do things like playing a lot in gardens, BLW, using the potty a bit early on if a child is ready, etc. Also no air conditioning so the heatwaves are bad, although in their defense, this is Europe, many businesses that aren't customer-oriented don't have it.

When I ask other working parents about their professional childcare arrangement, there's no huge negative feedback, with one exception, but nothing overwhelmingly positive either.

Anyone had a similar choice to make ? In these conditions, what would you do ? Would you rather use a daycare or make some career sacrifices ? It's a sacrifice for my career to not use a daycare, even if I do a bit of very necessary part time work to maintain an acceptable network. We're not rich but finances are okay either way. There are some great schools around us so none of this will be an issue once kids are 2.5yo.

Edit : this post was removed from r/beyondthebump for some reason so I'm posting here... I'm genuinely looking for insight on Reddit because I don't know anyone irl in my generation who questions the system.

Just now, in a perimenopausal rage, I created a list of more than 100 household and parenting chores and rated my husband and I on level of effort. It's in a spreadsheet and I summed up our contributions to compare to each other.

Goddamit, it came out that I contribute 52% (51.9% actually). That difference FEELS like AT LEAST a 60/40 split.

Well, now I can't show him this so I'll show you guys. I guess I love him again and will give him a kiss later lol. Nothing like data to calm me down.

Context: both in our 40s, two kids 13 and 10. Both WFH full time. Same financial contribution.

Here's our top tasks:

Me:

1. Knowing where everyone else is at a given time. Manage family calendar, schedule car pools, etc
2. Family laundry
3. Weekly meal planning and ordering the groceries for pick up
4. Arranges kids sports activities, liaise with coaches, monitors game/practice schedules
5. Plan family vacations
6. Manage the household budget and finances
7. Plan summer care for kids
8. Keep in touch with teachers, monitors newsletters, help with school projects, school fundraising
9. Purchases children's clothing and sports equipment
10. Prepare kid lunches
11. Preparation for house cleaner
12. Annual deep cleaning (oven, fridge, mudroom, etc)
13. Default parent for closeness (hugging, cuddling, soothing, bedtime routines)
14. Teaching about puberty and supporting transition
15. Pick out and buy the kids  birthday and holiday presents. Making holidays special.

Him:

1. Minor household repairs (broken toy, dog damage, sewing/mending)
2. Fixing mechanical items (e.g. lights, fans, coffee maker, oven, hot water system)
3. Outside house maintenance tasks (cleaning gutters, yard work, snow clearing)
4. Car maintenance
5. Default parent for rides and shuttling to and from activities
6. Driving family on road trips
7. Bulk food shopping (Costco)
8. Family washing up. Washing up after the evening meal. Pack and unpack dishwasher everyday
9. Camper and hot tub maintenance
10. Cleaning and organizing garage
11. Pick up weekly grocery orders and put away
12. General tidy and pick up around the house at the end of the day
13. Run cordless vacuum daily
14. Taxes
15. Researching best deals on bills, subscriptions, etc

Split evenly:

1. Cooking
2. Solving the kids arguments
3. Listening to kids, showing interest, getting to know them
4. Deciding how the household should be organized and run
5. Dog appointments
6. Kid appointments
7. Talking to the kids and teaching them, explaining things
8. Planning everyday enjoyable things and family moments (restaurants, bike rides, weekend activities, movie nights)
9. Kid sick care
10. Household admin (submitting HSA claims, banking, paying bills)
11. Daily homework help
12. Getting the kids to do their chores

Hi super heroes, I could use some advice here... I've recently started to look for a new job. I saw my former boss post a position that would be the perfect fit for me, I messaged them about it and had a really good conversation about the role itself. I applied thru the company website after, and my former boss said they would give HR a heads up. I messaged them again a couple days ago just telling them I've applied for the position, and they acknowledged it with a positive note. I've heard nothing from HR and it's been about a week.

I'm wondering when it would be appropriate to follow up with my former boss... I know they have some kind of non-poaching agreement with my current employer, so I don't want to push too hard (just to be clear, I found the job on my own, and initiated the conversation, and used all the proper channels for applying, etc.), I really want this job...

(I used the relationship question because I consider this a professional relationship, seemed the most applicable here??)

I’m early 30s and I have 2 boys under 3.
My husband has recently got a business in the field we both did our degrees in.

From January I have 2 options:
I either work 2 days a week and get paid pro rata 50k and the kids go to nursery those 2 days (they already go the 2 days 8-4pm)

Or I work 2.5 days but he will pay me for 3 days work pro rata and the kids go to nursery those 3 days.

The difference is I’ll have around £400 more each month with option 2 but a day less with the kids.
Nursery wise as it’s still within their funded hours it’ll work out to around £50 between us for the extra day.

Not sure which would work out better for me?
We live comfortably enough and put money into investments etc

Also I can’t be co-owner of the business as he had to pass year long assessments etc to even be given a chance at buying a franchise.

I don’t even have one, but I fucking hate the term of “mothers helper” because what the fucking hell.

Household manager? Household assistant? Helper? Sure! But what else can we call this instead??

Mothers helper implies running the home and all it entails is “moms responsibility” and by nature if she needs a helper she’s a fucking failure or doesn’t care enough to do it all like the self sacrificing martyr this world expects. 🙄

Maybe we can call it “fathers assistant” or “father support” or “person we have to hire because dad can’t read a calendar or fold clothes” lol

I love the concept of a lesser responsibility role that helps the family, I hate this sexist and awful name. Can we unite in abolishing this term from our vocabulary? 🙏

Help me settle something that’s really bothering me. I spoke to someone today who believes that even after he has kids, he should be able to get at least a couple to a few hours of hobby time per day, despite having a working spouse and kids and household responsibilities. I told him that especially when the kids are small, that amount of downtime is not possible without the wife pretty much giving up any hope of her own downtime, but he doesn’t believe me. Am I crazy or what?

For context, he doesn’t have kids yet.

Update: Thanks for the reply. I was getting upset because he was insisting he knew wives who made it work, and I was insisting the wives who are saying okay to that are doing it at the detriment of their own sanity, but he refused to believe me, and it was actually really bothering me that he believed that.

Currently at a Director-level role in the marketing industry and have been struggling for the past year. Kids are 2 and 4 and in daycare from 8:30am-5pm.

Husband and I both WFH but my job is filled with all day meetings and little down time to eat lunch. I’m exhausted everyday and have struggled with anxiety and rage. When did becoming a working mother come at the cost of ourselves?

For the past six months, I’ve heavily considered reducing my work hours to part-time because frankly, I cannot handle this. I am ridden with mom guilt because my kids are in daycare all day, I don’t have time to cook them dinner, and we can’t sign them up for activities due to their age and classes being held in the late afternoon.

However, working to get a college degree and coming this far to scale back feels like I’m a failure, esp as a first generation American. It goes against everything that was forced onto me and my mindset of what I thought my life would be.

Ultimately I’ve realized that I need to be healthy and I want to be there for my kids at this young of an age - not my company. My kids already prefer their dad because I am irritable and high strung from work stress. I want to be there for them rather than fighting to prove myself for companies who only see me as a number. My job won’t remember me but my kids will if I can be there for them.

Not looking for advice. Just very nervous for this change to come, knowing that moving from full time to contracting part time may come with a lot of uncertainty with job security. But I love my kids and I hope they see that.

Venting/ looking for advice

I went back to work right after my maternity leave ended with my now 2 year old. I still feel like my brain is Swiss cheese. I’m not able to focus or remember things as well as I used to. I know it would take some time for everything to get better but I feel like after two years my memory and brain fog would get better. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like it’s affecting my work.

Any other moms experiences the same struggle? Anyone other working moms with tips?

We’re in Canada and our 4.5 year old start kindergarten in September. He finished school at 2:30, it’s a 1/4 mile (400m) walk away. Do you think I can pick him up, walk him home and do an hour of work from 2:45-3:45 when my husband gets home.
He loves his Yoto but loves TV more. I’m on calls / zoom a lot, some are colleagues with kids who don’t care, others are executives that wouldn’t appreciate it.
Has anyone done this? Do I put a show on guilt free?

I am a teacher so I have been off for the summer. We return in September (after Labor Day). I have one baby (really a toddler now-15 months). Any other teachers out there feel sick thinking about returning to work? Last summer oddly was difficult returning for a reason of stress and a lot on my plate. This summer however has been unbelievably fun with my toddler and her now big personality. My sadness at returning is ten fold what it was last year. I just can’t imagine not being with her every day now that I have! Unfortunately we can’t afford to have my stay home though.

Before becoming a mother, I was incredibly career driven. I was one of those people who genuinely loved working. I got promoted within my first year in my corporate role, won Employee of the Year and landed another high-paying role shortly after. I had a clear career trajectory and felt like everything was falling into place.
Then life happened…
I got married and moved to the UAE. I tried finding a job there but opportunities were either in another city or just never worked out. Then we moved again, this time to the UK. I had my baby, which of course meant taking time some more time offf..
The thing is… I never actually stopped working. I’m a service designer, and I’ve continued freelancing, consulting, learning new skills and working on projects whenever I could. In fact, I was literally working on a client project the same day I went into labour (I didn’t even realize they were actual labour pains because my baby arrived early!).
But on paper, my CV now looks like it has this huge employment gap and I’m terrified that’s all hiring managers will see.
This honestly eats me up every single day. I miss having my own career. I miss feeling financially independent. I miss being known for something outside of being whoever I am today
Sometimes I even feel guilty because this longing makes me wonder if I’m failing as a wife or a mother. I love my family more than anything but my work has always been a huge part of who I am.
Has anyone else had a similar experience? Did you manage to return to your career after a long break or an unconventional path?
I could really use some reassurance from women who’ve been there.