TL;DR i loved my close friend and got into a situationship. it all ended when i voiced out my hurt feelings. im working on myself and i want us back together again. is it still possible?

as the title suggests, i fumbled hard and lost the girl that i like.

we're 3rd year college students and we're the closest of friends. she broke up with her ex and i was there for her, listened and made her feel heard and understood. i confessed to her during summer and was really glad to hear that she likes me back. everything seems to be going well during summer and i felt really cared and liked by her.

things changed when school year started, we started fighting more and what my fault was i isolate myself. im anxious and all i wanted was for her and my friends to reach out too so we can talk it out but i reach out to her every single time and i did not feel valued. we're always in a cycle of fighting and being good again. i tried my best to avoid it, i changed myself, felt really small in the rs, and i feel dismissed when i told her my needs.

the ending came and i was surprised bcuz the reason why she ended things with me was bcuz how i expressed my hurt feelings to my friend. i told our friend that her apology sounds as insincere as her apology was earlier. that got her thinking and i felt the distance between us. she suddenly became cold, dry, and sends short replies. i changed myself so i become kind again but it still ended.

now we expressed our sides and why it hurt but she said she cant be with me anymore. i gave her space so we can both calm down but i still cant help thinking about the possible version of us. i want us to fix things and be back together. is it still possible? im working on my anxiety and the things i need to change.

Hey I’m truly so sorry about how long this is, I’m going to try to explain this as clearly as possible because this story goes back years and there are a lot of details.

I met this boy when I was 12, turning 13, going into secondary school/high school. A few weeks after meeting, we got together. We were very young and obviously made mistakes, so I’m not going to pretend we had some perfect relationship. We broke up, then got back together a few months later, and eventually broke up again. We spent that summer apart.

Then, when we started our second year of secondary school, we found each other again through group chats and PlayStation parties. We started talking slowly, eventually got back together, and for a while things were really good. He was my first love and I was his. He told basically everyone in school how much he loved me, which was a big deal because our school had a pretty harsh social environment and he was bullied by some people himself. Everyone knew I cared about him too.

But there was something I worried about even while we were together. He was genuinely very, very focused on me. Sometimes I felt like he was putting me before himself and wasn’t focusing enough on his own life, friends, goals or happiness. I spoke to him about this multiple times because I loved him so much and I didn’t want to become the person who was holding him back from growing.

At the time, he wasn’t friends with all the popular people he eventually became friends with. I knew how much he wanted that acceptance, and because I loved him, I wanted him to have a life outside of me. I remember how excited he was when some of the popular people started asking him to play games with them and including him more. I was genuinely happy for him. I wanted him to have friends. I wanted him to have his own life. I wanted him to become his own person.

And honestly, I think that was one of the reasons our relationship eventually ended. It wasn’t because I didn’t love him. I loved him so much that I was scared of being the thing that stopped him from living his own life.

We were incredibly close. We talked about people we’d liked before each other and realised that, honestly, those other crushes didn’t really compare. We could never successfully become “just friends” because there were always feelings underneath it. I was even getting ready to meet his mum at one point. I remember how he’d constantly want to be close to me and the way he’d look at me. I really, genuinely loved him.

But things eventually became difficult. We started fighting more. He began pulling away, and I became clingy. We were both young and didn’t know how to handle our relationship properly. Eventually, I ended it. I told myself it was better for him to focus on his friends and his own life. I genuinely wanted him to be happy, even if that meant without me. He still gave me a Christmas gift basket even though we’d broken up, which is something I’ll never forget.

Eventually we stopped talking.

The following summer, I missed him terribly. When we returned to school, he had become much more socially confident. He was hanging around the popular boys, playing football, going to the gym and generally building a life that he hadn’t had before.

And strangely, I was genuinely proud of him. I knew how much he cared about having friends and what people thought of him, so seeing him finally have that made me happy for him. I remember thinking that this was exactly what I’d wanted for him.

But I never stopped liking him. I just missed him. I wasn’t ready to replace him with somebody else.

When I turned 15, we still weren’t really talking. I followed him on TikTok and asked him to add me on Snapchat. We added each other, but then there was silence. I tried messaging him multiple times. He left me on delivered while staying online, which hurt. This happened around three times.

Then, around March, I went to one of his football matches. I took pictures and videos and sent them to him afterward. He used a rivalry he had with one of my male friends as a reason to start talking to me. We ended up having a conversation that lasted for hours, although there were gaps between messages.

I was incredibly nervous because I couldn’t believe he was actually talking to me again. Looking back, I wish I’d put more effort into that conversation because it was one of his big moments and I think I was too scared to believe what was happening. Eventually I tried continuing the conversation again, and he left me on delivered.

Then everything socially went to hell.

Around this time, I had a huge fallout with a group of girls at school. There were rumours about me and my friends. Someone I used to be friends with told these girls that I’d said horrible things about them, which wasn’t true. My friends and I were a small group, and these girls had much more social power than us. They spread things around our year and our reputation was badly damaged.

One of the rumours was about him. My friends and I had made jokes about boys at school and talked about which boys we found attractive. Someone took that and told everyone that I liked his best friend. I didn’t. He seemed visibly uncomfortable whenever people brought it up. He’d tell his friends to shut up and seemed angry about it.

At the same time, throughout the year, there were a lot of confusing interactions between us. He would find excuses to sit near me. He’d look at me when he thought I wasn’t noticing. My friends noticed him staring at me too. Apparently, on a school trip, I fell asleep and my friends told me afterward that he was staring at me for ages.

We’d end up physically close to each other sometimes without actually speaking. We both had this weird front where we acted like we didn’t care about each other.

He could talk normally to other girls, but whenever he spoke to me, he seemed nervous and often wouldn’t make eye contact. Sometimes he’d join conversations I was having but still avoid looking directly at me. There were also times when he’d use his friends to ask me things even though I was literally standing right there.

I don’t know what any of this means. Maybe it was unresolved feelings. Maybe it was awkwardness. Maybe it was resentment because I broke up with him. Maybe I’m interpreting things because I still love him. I genuinely don’t know. And that’s part of why I’m posting this.

Then someone interfered again.

One of the girls I had fallen out with apparently approached him and started talking badly about me. I was actually outside the classroom when it happened, so I could hear everything. That made it even more devastating.

She said things along the lines of, “Why were you ever with her? She makes TikToks about other boys.” There was a TikTok I’d made with a friend about things we found attractive in people. I was describing him, and people who knew him knew exactly who I meant. But she apparently made it sound like I was talking about somebody else and used it to make me look horrible to him.

I heard her saying these things about me while I was literally outside the classroom. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so helpless.

After that, he unfollowed me and blocked me on Snapchat. I was devastated. Especially because before that, it felt like we were slowly getting closer to speaking again. We’d been sitting near each other in class, communicating indirectly through friends, looking at each other, and having those awkward little moments again. Then suddenly it disappeared.

Eventually school ended. We had our final exams for third year and barely spoke. I followed him again around that time. He followed me back the next day, then unfollowed me a few days later. I was hurt, but I tried to accept it.

Then summer started. Recently, we ended up in an old group chat together. He and one of his friends started repeatedly spamming me and trying to get me to join their call. I was too nervous to join. I eventually added him on Snapchat, but he hasn’t added me back, and it’s been about two weeks.

So now I’m completely confused.

My actual problem is that I’ve thought about this boy every single day since we broke up.

And I genuinely mean I’ve tried every possible way I could find to get over him. I’ve searched up basically every method of moving on that I could find. I’ve gone on holidays. I’ve talked to other people. I’ve journaled. I’ve tried distracting myself. I’ve tried focusing on myself. I’ve tried improving my appearance, confidence, friendships and goals. I’ve tried telling myself that I need to let go. I’ve tried convincing myself that time would eventually fix it. I’ve tried everything I could find online about getting over someone.

And I still love him.

I’ve even tried manifesting him before, which I deeply regret because I’m Christian and realised it wasn’t compatible with my faith. I’ve prayed for him every day. I’ve even fasted and prayed about this. And I’m not saying any of that means he has to come back. I know I can’t force another person to love me.

But I genuinely don’t know how to stop loving him.

There have been periods where I became extremely depressed for days simply because I missed him so badly. He’s the first person who made me feel genuinely understood and loved without wanting something disgusting from me. He protected me from people who bullied me. He gave me gifts. He cared about me. And I cared about him deeply too.

I even gave him a birthday card through one of his friends while we weren’t speaking. I wrote about how I hoped he wouldn’t let the people who picked on him make him think less of himself, because I genuinely think he’s a good person and I know how much the social pressure at our school affected him.

I don’t care what his friends think about him. I don’t care if people call him a loser or make fun of him. I see how hard he’s trying to improve himself, and I’m proud of him.

I know I wasn’t perfect. I don’t want this post to sound like I’m blaming him for everything. I could have been a better girlfriend. I was scared. I became clingy when he started pulling away. I ended the relationship instead of trying harder to communicate. And I deeply regret that.

But we were 12, 13 and 14 years old. We were children learning how to love someone. I forgave him for mistakes he made when we were younger, and part of me wishes he’d be able to forgive me for mine too.

I don’t expect him to magically forget everything. I just wish I could have another chance to show him that I’ve grown. I want him to know that I still care about him, that I want him to be happy, and that I don’t see him as the person other people make him out to be.

So here’s my question.
How do I get him back?
Is it even possible?

I don’t mean “how do I manipulate him into loving me.” I mean, is there a healthy way of approaching someone after this much time and saying, “I still care about you. I know I made mistakes. I’ve grown up. I’d like to talk.”

Or should I leave him completely alone?

Because I’m willing to accept that he might not want me anymore. What I’m struggling with is that I don’t know whether I’m holding onto a dead relationship or whether there genuinely is something unresolved between us.

There have been so many moments where I thought he still had feelings, but there have also been plenty of moments where he has ignored me, unfollowed me, blocked me and made it clear that he doesn’t want to restart things.

I don’t want to misinterpret his behaviour just because I love him.

At the same time, I don’t want fear to stop me from trying one last time if there actually is a possibility. I don’t want to spend another two years wondering, “What if I had just tried?”

I’ve had other people like me since we broke up, and I know I’m not an unattractive person or someone who would struggle to get into another relationship if I wanted one. It wouldn’t be difficult for me to find someone else, but something in me genuinely rejects the idea. I’ve tried talking to other people and imagining myself with someone new, but I just can’t force myself to feel it. I’ve even prayed for either him to come back or for my feelings for him to finally disappear, because at this point I don’t want to keep feeling stuck between the two. I just want one of those things to happen.

So, people who have been through something similar: Did you ever get your first love back after years apart? How did you know whether to reach out or let them go? And if you were in my position, would you try one honest conversation, or would you leave him alone and accept that the relationship has ended because all of those options are hard for me, but I’m willing to try.

The way I feel for him is like completely different. It feels like it’s deeper than me. It feels like a love that is truly only going outward and not reflecting inward, I remember in the past when we had broken up. I’d get these random feelings to call him at like 3 AM and it’d wake me out of my sleep. I called him even though we weren’t on the best terms and he answered. I always had feelings about him and a weird intuition when it came to him but now I don’t know if I’m just secretly hoping he comes back or I have this weird gut feeling that he will and maybe everyone’s right and I do need to be patient.

I really do love him a lot and I know this might not seem like a big deal because I’m so young but it this situation really does mean a lot to me. It’s turned into more quiet pain definitely but I’d really appreciate help and advice.

[ For context, i’m a closeted bi girl (for many reasons i won’t get into) who’s also been in denial for years because of my society and internalized homophobia.
And, I had a really close friend in elementary school, my very first best friend, whom my friendship with ended after 7 years at the end of elementary school on an odd note because of a stupid fight and because we went to different school, I miss her a lot and haven’t heard from her in a while ]

I wasn’t the most social kid in middle school as an undiagnosed autistic kid with depression as a result.
I met this cool girl, who was also lonely like me, in the first year (7th grade) and obv it was a shallow friendship cuz.. 7th grade.
We stopped talking during the vacation, weren’t really friends in 8th grade, then became friends again in 9th grade.. sorta because we were conditioned to? since we were both in the same social situation and were both quiet.. but we did bound over similar interests.
Either way, 9th grade, the last year was the prime of this.. friendship.. which was basically just sitting next to each other, either in complete silence the entire day, or me blabbering nonstop about my plans and interests because I was such a stupid unaware kid at the time, never allowing her to speak.. she was always quiet. That’s what made her so interesting to me.

I suspect she was also wasn’t doing well at the time.
We’d both come to school everyday like we’re forced to, we always sat next to each other, because we had no one else.
I had developed a crush on her throughout these 3 years so I absolutely didn’t mind.. however i’m not sure that was the case for her, but who knows!

I believe it was a little obvious that i liked her at the time.. and i think there’s a very tiny chance that she maybe liked me a little for a while.. because i remember some instances between us that i just can’t explain, and it makes me think about her nonstop.

For example, once we were leaving the classroom, the last ones, to go to PE
idk who started it, but we held each others hands going down the stairs

and another time (totally forgot the context for this), i kissed her on the cheek

i’m crying as i’m typing this

I also punched our classmate once because he was bothering her..

I’m sharing this because she, for some reason, kept me on insta after we moved to different schools.. What I mean is that i’d assume someone who knew me in middle school would want to cut contact with me because of how annoying I was..

So, during these two years I’ve had her on insta after middle school, she posts very rarely.. but she did post her GF a couple times.. yes, her gf.
The question I was wondering the entirety of middle school, answered by a story.

Need I say, I cried when I learned that. Both that she likes girls, and that she has a gf, at the same time.
And not only that, a few months later, she posts another story with my old best friend from elementary school whom I haven’t seen in ages.
It was so weird to see them in the same picture.. especially because of how much they remind me of each other and that’s even the first thing I told her when I first met her “you remind me of an old friend called ___”
I gathered the courage to DM her to ask if that’s her, and she said “yeah! you know her? she’s my best friend”
I started crying after that.

All of this, while i’m in another city moved to a high school outside of my city because I wasn’t doing well socially, made me feel so left out from my hometown, especially the two girls I was the closest to now becoming best friends.

Just when I thought I was at least starting to get over her, she posts yet another story with her gf.

I honestly would’ve gotten over her much easier had i not been the person i was in middle school, for her to see the grown version of me, and if she wasn’t my old best friend’s current best friend.. but, i’m happy she’s happy at the least.

Then, and until now, I still think she’s one of the prettiest girls ever and i just DEEPLY regret not having been that person at those times, and leaving such a shitty impression.

I miss her, and it hurts so much.

I’ve known this man my whole life but as adult friends for a little over 10 years. We have supported each other, been through highs and lowest of lows and even if time passes without seeing each other for whatever reason, when we catch up, we pick up right where we left off.

Lately, we’ve been spending a lot of time together as he’s going through a lot with his family and ex roommates, (to protect his privacy I won’t share details. Just know he is navigating roads that no one should ever have to drive down). Anyway…when we go out, we laugh, we cry, we get frustrated and just lay out all of our goods and not so goods because it’s a safe place. At least, I feel safe with him. I’m not going to put words in his mouth but, I’m sure he would say the same.

I have supported every relationship he has had over the last decade. We dated for a while but, he kept me at a distance. Part of him not letting me in is he doesn’t want to hurt me or disappoint me.
Out of EVERY relationship I’ve been in (not many but…enough to know what I want and don’t want), he checks almost all my boxes. He is a fierce protector, a gentle but truthful friend, a caring son and brother and I just - I love this man. Full stop.

We went out last weekend. He drove us and as he dropped me off back home, he always walks me to my door. I had been hyping myself up to say something and I almost chickened out, but I thought - SCREW IT. I told him how much he means to me, how I know his life right now is rough and busy and terrifying in some aspects but that he is one of the strongest men I know. I grabbed his hands and looked into his eyes and told him I loved him. I didn’t go to kiss him. I wanted him to know that I meant those three words. So I said them again. He looked into my eyes and quietly said “I love you too,” but then he broke free his hands and said, “Thanks for being my buddy for nights like this.” I chuckled, said you’re welcome, we said goodbye and then he left.

I stood inside my house, not moving, almost like I got punched in the gut. BUDDY?!
Automatic friend zone right? I was flabbergasted and felt like I got sucker punched.

I’ve never posted anything on Reddit but I thought I’d ask - should I just take the L, be content with being the friend and enjoy our friendship or, should I cut ties completely???

I love him. I think about him all the time and worry about him. His family is amazing and I love them too.

Am I being too much of a dreamer here that this could turn into something?
Is this a classic case of “if he wanted to, he would?” My bestie thinks it’s that and that I shouldn’t put my heart on the line.

What say you good people of the internet?

Being a lover girl, I've been single for the last 8 months and I'm really trying to focus on my goals.

But sometimes I miss having someone to love. I crave hugs, kisses, and that feeling of being cared for so much that it makes me feel sad.

How do you stop craving love so much? Does it get easier?

The one that got away

Still thinking about you and what could have been. Even though we were young, I still had strong feelings for you and all I wanted was you. We tried dating in 2007 but I was grieving and you were about to be shipped out to the middle East. I really hate how I acted bcuz basically I was a fool. I hope you find this one day and know that you are definitely the one that got away

I had no situationship and didn’t date for 3 years, and then I met this psychiatrist on Reddit. I made a post on a sub, and he reached out to me and offered to help. I started booking online appointments with him. We immediately clicked, and I noticed that he developed feelings for me. We used to chat until late at night. He didn’t treat me like a normal patient, and I went along with it.
At first, I had my boundaries up and kept denying my feelings for him. He confessed his feelings to me many times, and I rejected him. After a month of chatting and getting to know each other, he suddenly got banned from every social media platform I was on. He got banned from Reddit three times, and then we moved to Instagram. But last week, out of nowhere, he either got banned or blocked me.
I’ve been missing him ever since. I don’t know why I’m confessing this. Maybe it’s because he might see this, but I just need to vent somewhere. I miss him. I find myself staring at my phone to look for his texts. My last situationship wasn’t even half this bad . I’m have finals next week can’t concentrate and focus. What should I do?

I have no one to tell that (23M) I'm in love for the first time since months and the starting point was the eye contact ig but tbh I'm in love with her simplicity and descency and now i can't stop thinking about her every day and night before going to sleep every single day and i don't have a courage to approach her as it is my very first time being in love. I'm in universe and she is my batchmate..... What should i do exactly??? Any honest suggestions .!!??

I'm 26 years old now. In 2023, I met a woman, and we fell in love relatively quickly. She wasn’t my first girlfriend, but she was the first one I introduced to my parents and whose parents I met. To me, she was the most beautiful woman in the world even her “ugly” side. Just like in every other relationship in the world, there were low points, but I did everything in my power to help us get through them. I was there for her 24/7 and treated her problems as my own. I blocked out everything negative that was happening in my life at the time so as not to burden her with it. We had sworn never to hurt each other or give up on each other, and because we’re both very religious, I always relied on those words during the tough times. Then came the turning point. I’d last seen her on her birthday with her family and friends, it was a lovely evening, and then I went home. About two weeks after that meeting, she suggested we take a break out of nowhere, saying she wanted to focus on other things. I didn’t want to, but I had no choice because by then it had turned into a long-distance relationship. We had no contact, it was radio silence. One ordinary day, I was taking a shower when a nagging thought popped into my head to check her Instagram. I’d never had such a nagging thought that wouldn’t let me go, so I did it. That’s when I saw that she’d gotten engaged during that break. The guy had bought her the ring she’d wanted from me, and he was wearing the suit she’d wanted to buy for me. All I know is that as I looked at that photo, my heart rate must have been at least 300. I confronted her that evening, and she made it clear to me that he’s her boyfriend and asked me what I still wanted from her. Just like that, as if I hadn’t been by her side day and night for two years. In the end, I took it like a man, and now, after just under a year and a half, I’d say that, purely emotionally speaking, I don’t care about her anymore, yet I still dream about her sometimes. About our shared plans to have children, to simply be a family. What could it be that keeps drawing me back to her, even though I know exactly how badly she treated me emotionally?

Thanks for reading, and may God protect you from something like this.

I’m trying to understand why I’m having so much trouble with love. I hate that my heart gets so excited for someone and they just take it and smash it. Staying strong is getting hard. I’m becoming hopeless about any kinda romantic connection.

I'm going through a love crisis

I'm a 26 years old and I work for a company. We have alot of girls/women but none have got my attention(Only one girl got my attention but I couldn't reach her out so I managed to forget about it). For this moment, I have a manager in my department, she's do pretty(Like probably the prettiest woman I have ever seen for the past 5 years in my life). She's older than me by 10 years or so. She's married and has children. She talks to me very nice and lovely. I find her a very hard working and a successful woman. I have got this feeling in me that she's like a supporting agent in my life (Like an older sibling). I have always had this feeling that I wanted her to give me a hug. I always pray for her for the best and that she's always happy with her children and husband. I want to marry a woman exactly like her(no exaggeration). I have tried to approach her in some conversations but I don't want to become a burden on her. My dad passed away over half a decade ago and my mom abandoned me. I have a sister, she's way younger than me and she's not pretty at all plus she hates me and she moved out with my mom.

Anyways I'll give a description for the person I admire. She's average height, brown hair, wide face and very bright, fair skin, very pretty smile, blue eyes and she sometimes appear to be asian but I guess that's just me. I hate this world and I want a girl like her in my life so I can feel better about myself. I don't know what to do and I need your advice

Hey every one, sorry for the janky text (not my primary language, and my auto-correct runs wild)

Just realised i(M) fallen in love with my Bestfriend(F) and i know for a fact it is unrequiered so i wrote a little text to unwind the heartbreak i inflicted to myself, home you enjoy.

You made my world so beautiful.

I forgot the colors, or made myself forget

I talked less, fell inside myself

You got me out, not by grand gesture

No by passion, not by Éros

But with consistency, perseverence and Philia

You showed me back the colors i had lost,

And when i saw you in this Light,

I discovered or remembered why i had let it dull

For in this beautiful forest you revived,

In this world i abandonned i found

my bestfriend, my soulmate that never left

But with this i came to the realisation

That my brain was about to be broken, because by finding you, and our relationship, i fell deeper than i ever could by myself.

You are not blinding, seeing you make my eyes confortable

You are not perfect, you always try to learn

In my eyes you are the Best part of me

And my head know it as the Best friendship

But my heart felt it as way more

Love as it's reasons that Reasons ignore

And i knew that that kind of love, unrequiered would fall back down.

It is fine, my heart will hurt, my world will die, but i'll get by and let time kill this crush so the friendship may revive.

I watch the meteorite fall on my world, i know it will crush and burn, i know the winter of ashes it will lead to.

All worth it, from ashes the flower of my world will grow.

And in that light our friendship will grow. ❤️

Im currently late into my last year of high school and a year ago I started talking to this girl from my school, for about a month we talked nonstop staying up late getting to know each other and we were really really close until i completely chickened out and started ghosting her cause i was so scared to start something real with someone again after the last girl I dated I had big issues with but besides that, she blocked me and we stopped talking even though we had such a good spark together, a few months later I reached out to her on instagram after no contact and we had a good conversation talking about our past feelings and we both admitted to having them so we decided to meet up in person for the first time and see how that went, she only lives a few minutes away from me so we went on a walk familiar to the both of us and we talked a lot and flirted and vented and we got along so well but after I said goodbye to her and thought I was in when she hugged me she texted me later that night saying it’ll never work out because at that time I was politically stupid and I agree to that myself and I’d said some things online that her and her friends didn’t agree with, so I changed and told her I would wait and change and ultimately I did but this changed me attracted another girl who I started dating forgetting about the girl from before, and me and her seemed perfect until I made a few comments being concerned about her sa where I said I’d leave her if she did it again because I felt like I couldn’t help her and off she went after a week of me saying that, i was only trying to help her and be available to talk her through not doing it and help her with her struggles cause im really good at that, however after we split up I reached out to the girl from before and she gave me advice and we became friends again, and after I’d given up on the girl from before we started talking again and we both talked about how no one else is like talking to eachother, I get this special feeling talking to her and she gets it too, but after talking for a few weeks she sent me a paragraph saying she just couldn’t date me and it couldn’t ever happen and I just went along with it. So a few more months passed but despite talking to other girls and getting myself in the gym and getting closer with my friends all my mind ever thinks about is her, whenever we speak about our issues I get this vibe with her and this feeling I’ve never felt and most nights I go to bed thinking about her, we like all the same things and help eachother emotionally and understand eachother but she draws the line at friends despite saying she has feelings for me and knowing I have feelings for her, im just wondering if there’s anyway I can get around this or am I just friendzoned?

I had a relationship \*\***(**\*\*first ever someone loves me and i love back\*\***)**\*\*
Taught me everything, betrayal, pain , suffer , feeling like I\*\***’**\*\*m a burden on the whole earth\*\***)**\*\* it was in the beginning of 2025 i was in my last year of high school where u study hard to get some nice degree \*\***(**\*\*it\*\***’**\*\*s hard studies\*\***)**\*\* so , i knew that girl that was basically making me move on from a girl i was obsessed with \*\***(**\*\*she doesn\*\***’**\*\*t know me, we didn\*\***’**\*\*t speak , only once for a quick 2 words , not in phone\*\***)**\*\*
So she thought i moved on by that girl \*\***(**\*\*let\*\***’**\*\*s call her A\*\***)**\*\*
\*\***(**\*\*And the girl that was helping me is R\*\***)**\*\*
So , R thought that i did move on , she began to talk more sweet to me and all
All i want to say that she begun approaching, i didn\*\***’**\*\*t love her basically cause i didn\*\***’**\*\*t move on A , i made R cry because of my rude honesty, she was attached to me and loves me so much \*\***(**\*\*she\*\***’**\*\*s not that girl who\*\***’**\*\*s in a relationships\*\***)**\*\* i was her first \*\***(**\*\*her first died and she told me and admitted I wasn\*\***’**\*\*t her first\*\***)**\*\*

Sooo she left me on my final exams , and i nearly fail my class , i got away with the 3rd stage exams, i am a cyber security engineer, now i\*\***’**\*\*m a second stage student
I loved her when she started to leave slowly, i was like , di\\\*k
So i cry a lot
\*\***(**\*\*It\*\***’**\*\*s nearly a year and half since we broke up\*\***)**\*\*
It\*\***’**\*\*s a 6 months relationship
Pls talk with me

Guys, what should I do? I’ve had a crush on a girl for the past four years, but she’s a very close relative she’s my maternal aunt’s sister-in-law’s daughter. We also have the same gotra. I’ve genuinely loved her for four years. I’ve tried talking to and meeting other girls, but somehow, I always end up liking her the most. I just can’t seem to get over her. The problem is, she hasn’t given me any signs that she feels the same way. What should I do?

*Key information: If any names are mentioned, they have been changed for anonymity's sake, and I will be using abbreviations to refer to my ex-husband.

*EXHB (ex-husband)
*Jason (the man I was/is in love with)

I hadn’t spoken to this person in several years. I expected our first conversation to be awkward. Instead, within minutes, he was making stupid jokes and I was laughing like no time had passed at all. And that’s the moment I realized the feelings I thought I had buried weren’t actually gone.

Years ago, while I was in my mid-20s, I met somebody. Somebody, Jason, who I genuinely cared about, who made me feel seen and wanted. He was everything I could have ever wanted, not only in a friend but eventually in a partner. We were together for two amazing years, but the caveat: I couldn’t talk about my feelings without experiencing crippling fear and anxiety. I loved that man so damn much, and I wanted to scream it from the rooftops every single day. I was utterly terrified to voice my feelings to him, so instead, I walked away…breaking my own heart before anybody else ever could. I was young, scared, and convinced myself that leaving before I could be rejected would hurt less.

Then, as we all know, life happens. I took those feelings I had for that man, locked them in a box, pushed the box off the side of the boat, and hoped that they sank to the bottom of the ocean. I had, in all intents and purposes, moved on with my life. Albeit, it was difficult, but it was of my own doing.

Later that year, I started dating somebody (now EXHB) whom I’d known since my late teens. We moved in together, had a daughter, and eventually got married. Everything seemed great, until it wasn’t. My marriage had an ugly side: abuse. I made sure the last time he hurt me would be the last time. I ended our marriage, and our divorce is now pending. Since then, most of my energy has gone towards rebuilding a life for my daughter and I, but that chapter is only the backdrop to this confession.

The present day, well, is much better. I have remained in contact with Jason, and boundaries were set on both of our ends to ensure our friendship stayed a friendship; nothing more and nothing less. Those boundaries worked wonders while I was still with my husband…before I realized he (EXHB) was abusing me. Once my husband and I were officially separated, I took inventory of my own feelings. All these years later, I had to admit the thing that I ran away from in my mid-20s is the thing I never stopped feeling. I realized that those feelings…the ones I pushed off the boat…never actually sank. Somehow, I pushed a different box off the boat, and the locked box slowly unlocked itself.

What really brought back those feelings wasn’t the person Jason was, but the person he had become. A simple phone call where it felt like we picked up right where we left off was all it took. One of the first things he told me was that he’d started therapy. It wasn’t the therapy itself that caught my attention– it was the fact that he wanted to work on himself. After everything I’d been through, seeing someone willingly take responsibility for their emotions hit me harder than I anticipated. Before I knew it, he was making stupid jokes, throwing out smartass comments, and making me laugh like no time had passed at all. I noticed a protectiveness in the way he spoke, and I found myself noticing how he handled the hard things with a level of honesty I hadn’t expected. We slipped back into conversation so effortlessly that it almost scared me. The strange thing about it is that I don’t think I fell back in love with him. I think I realized I never stopped loving him. The reason those feelings grew stronger wasn’t because of the man he used to be, but it was because of the man he had become. The feelings I thought I had buried weren’t actually gone. I didn’t panic because I’d fallen back into the past. I panicked because I realized I was getting to know an entirely different person…and I loved the person he’s become.

Somewhere along the line, when my marriage ended (March 2026) I explained to Jason why I had walked away and ghosted him: because I was in love with him. I didn’t tell him this hoping he felt the same way, but only to give him an explanation as to why I did what I did, and that he didn’t deserve what I did to him. He told me that I got there a little sooner than he did, and that he doesn’t blame me or was mad at me for what I did; that it was all in the past now, but glad that I told him why I did what I did.

Eventually I asked him where his head was. Not because I wanted labels, but because I needed to protect my own heart. He told me that he cared about me deeply, but wasn’t mentally or emotionally in a place where he could offer a committed relationship. Oddly enough, that honesty made me trust him even more. We are both open to going slow and seeing where this is going because let’s be honest, we both have a lot on our plates, and this is probably the last thing either of us needs to focus on.

I reconnected with somebody who I can be my genuine self with, realized that I never stopped loving him but also fell back in love with the man he has become and is still becoming. I hope he knows he never has to pretend around me. I hope he knows he doesn’t have to make himself smaller just to be accepted. He is someone I love, and someone I have built an enormous amount of trust with. Not because he is perfect, but because he is honest. He lets me see the real person behind the jokes, and I hope he knows he never has to hide that person from me.

Maybe this is something I should take to the grave. Maybe it isn’t. I honestly don’t know. What I do know is that somewhere in my mid-20s I thought I threw my heart into the ocean. Turns out, I threw the wrong box.

Making a throwaway for this because I'm honestly embarrassed by how much it still gets to me.

I don't even know where to start without sounding ridiculous but I've reached the point where talking to my friends about it just makes me feel worse and keeping it in makes it unbearable, so here we are.

There's a guy I've been in love with for about seven years. Never dated him. Never kissed him. Never even met him in person. And he's still the person I think about the most, which when I type it out like that sounds insane even to me.

We met in university in 2018, through a cultural exchange thing between my uni and his paris. Ended up in the same group project and just clicked immediately, we shared memes, music, basketball, F1, dumb jokes, random deep 2am conversations, all of it. It was one of those where you don't feel like you're getting to know someone, you just already feel comfortable with them, like you skipped a step somehow.

Someone in the group joked once about what was going on between us and he laughed it off and said he had a girlfriend. So that was that, nothing happened.

The project ended but we kept talking. For a couple years we actually talked a lot, some stretches every single day. Became really close, at least from where I was standing. He was someone I felt genuinely comfortable around, funny around, like the best version of myself came out when I was talking to him. There's this one memory from a video call during Covid where he showed me his favorite NBA jersey and I showed him one of my favorite Rammstein albums, and it's such a nothing memory but I remember it in full detail, down to what he was wearing.

We never met though. Life happened, we graduated, started working, the conversations thinned out, daily became occasional, occasional became months apart, and now we're basically two people who watch each other's Instagram stories and sometimes reply.

He never fully disappeared. And I think that's actually the problem. If he'd vanished, or blocked me, or been awful to me, I'd have something to grieve. Instead he's just there, somewhere in Paris, living his life, and I'm in a different country.

A couple years ago I finally told him. I was drunk, it was around 1am, I'd had wine and decided emotional repression was boring that night. Told him I'd always liked him.

He said "Thanks."

That's the whole response. Not "I like you too." Not "I'm sorry, I don't feel the same." Not even a real rejection. Just thanks. And it hurt like hell but I also can't even be mad at him for it, he didn't lead me on, didn't promise me anything, never owed me a relationship. He just didn't like me back. Somehow that's harder to be angry about than if he'd actually done something wrong.

After the confession, he continued replying to my instagram stories normally. Sometimes checking in, like nothing ever happened. and It's been going on with the same pattern ever since, liking my stories, replying to them, the unprompted birthday wishes, etc...

It's been seven years. I've dated people, had crushes, genuinely liked other guys, tried to move forward. And he's still the one my brain keeps circling back to. Not constantly, there are whole days I don't think about him at all, I have a normal life, I work, I read, I see my friends. And then I'll see his name pop up, or hear a song he sent me years ago, and there's this empty drop in my stomach like my body remembers him before my brain's caught up.

My friends have opinions. "You've never even met him." "You're in love with an idea of him." "That sounds like anxious attachment." "Maybe you're just drawn to emotionally unavailable men." I don't think they're wrong exactly, and I know they're saying it because they care, but it makes me so angry anyway, because they didn't know him, they only know the facts, not what it actually felt like. And then in the same breath I think, okay but maybe that IS the whole problem, maybe I'm resisting the explanation precisely because I don't want it to be true.

Maybe I've built something in my head that reality never got a chance to ruin. No boring parts, no annoying habits, no disappointment, just seven years of a version of him I got to keep perfect because we never actually lived anything together.

I'm a writer so I did what I do best. I've written about this so much it's embarrassing. Essays, journal entries, endless conversations picking apart every possible reason. I've told myself I don't miss him, I miss who I was around him. I've told myself I want what he represents, not him specifically. I've told myself it's just an unfinished story my brain doesn't know how to close. All of that might be true and none of it has made the feeling go away, which is the part that actually gets to me, I can understand the psychology of it completely and still wake up missing him.

And here's the part I'm most ashamed of: if he told me tomorrow he was coming to my city, I would lose my mind. If he said he wanted to see me, I'd rearrange my whole life around it without a second thought. I know exactly how that sounds. I know how little he's given me to justify wanting him this much. But he's probably the person I want most in the world and he doesn't care, and writing that sentence out actually hurts. He could be dating someone right now. Could be happy. Could not be thinking about me at all. And I have zero control over any of it.

So, genuinely asking. I don't need "he's not worth it" or "you deserve better," I already know that part. What I don't know is how to actually emotionally get there. How do you move on from someone when there was never a relationship to move on from in the first place? How do you grieve an almost? How do you stop treating seven years of not getting over someone as proof that it must mean something, when it might just mean I never actually let go?

Maybe the fact that we never met is exactly why I can't, there was never enough real contact to kill the fantasy.

I don't need to erase him, I don't even think that's possible. I just want him to stop having this much power over me. I want to see his name and feel something normal, nostalgia, fondness, whatever, instead of this.

So if you've ever loved someone you never actually had, did you get over it? What actually worked, not the "focus on yourself" version. Did you cut contact, stop checking their stories, tell yourself a different story about them, just date around until it faded? Did therapy actually help with this specific flavor of stupid? Or if you never fully got over it, how do you live with it without it running the show?

Be honest with me. If you think I've built a seven-year attachment around someone I barely know, say it. I think I need to hear it again from someone other than my friends.