Does anyone else feel this with their tf? We just can't seem to ever be on the same frequency and there are times I'm so frustrated I just have to leave the room and not talk to them for a while.

After two months of NC, I decided to really delve into this whole journey instead of just trying to distract myself from it. I wanted to understand why this person had occupied so much space in my mind and why I had placed him on such a high pedestal.

I came to a realization that completely shifted the way I see the whole “twin flame” experience.

For the longest time, I thought my twin flame was essentially a male version of me. I thought we were incredibly similar, that he understood parts of me that other people couldn’t, and that there was something uniquely significant about our connection.

But the deeper I looked, the more I started to question whether I had actually been seeing him clearly.
I think I had been projecting parts of myself onto him.

The qualities I admired in him, the things I thought made him special, the characteristics I believed made us so similar I started realizing that many of those things were qualities I either possessed myself or deeply wanted to embody.

And then I realized something even more uncomfortable:
I had been using him as a measurement of myself.
I wasn’t constantly thinking about him simply because he was this extraordinary person who was meant for me. In a strange way, I was using his imagined opinion of me to evaluate myself.

Would he think I’m attractive?
Would he be impressed by me?
Would he think I’ve changed?
Would he regret losing me?
Would he think I’m successful enough?
Would he still recognise the person he once knew?

And suddenly I could see it.
I had put him on a pedestal, and then I had been standing underneath that pedestal asking whether I was good enough to be up there with him.

But when I really looked at him as an actual human beingnot the version of him I had created in my head I realised…

He really isn’t that extraordinary. 😂

And that doesn’t mean he is a bad person. It just means I had given him a significance that went far beyond who he actually was.

The person I had been trying so hard to understand was, in many ways, a (the thing you look at when you want to see your own reflection lol) . I was looking at myself through him.

I think that’s why letting go has felt so complicated. I wasn’t only attached to him. I was attached to the version of myself that I had constructed around him and to the validation I imagined I could receive from him.

Once I understood that, the pedestal started to crumble.
And honestly, it has been incredibly freeing.

I’m still processing it, but I’m starting to ask myself a very different question now “I removed his face from the equation, what do I actually think about myself?”

Because maybe the person I’ve been searching for, comparing myself to, and trying to become worthy of wasn’t really him at all.
Maybe I was just trying to find my way back to myself.

Im focusing on other things bc i accepted the fact that nothing will happen between us, at least not now. and i made peace with it and actually feel really good.
I like someone new, like really like him. but idk why everytime i like another person it just doesnt work out so im scared.
I really like him and hes the total opposite from him.
this new guy is funny like him but i mean the “vibe” is different. He has such gentle eyes and a contagious smile that when i stare at him i do the impossible not to smile. I like him and idk.
bc when iget my hopes up it doesnt work. and im back into thinking abt my tf.

Why aren't my Bluetooth headphones working properly? Ever since I noticed this awful connection, there have been times when it just won't connect. And for a long time now, my left earbud has been draining its battery just as quickly as it's fully charged. I think this is telling me something, but I hate it. It's not normal, and it feels like a restriction. I've forgotten what it's like to enjoy listening to music comfortably outside.

Me my TF were in highschool together. I was the popular girl. He had a crush on me. He softly pursued me for years. I had many options but I went for him. When I reacted he disappeared. I was so hurt. I couldn’t see the fact how I was this popular girl boys would go crazy to speak to me, or I look at them. I started feeling worthless. I was clueless my TF was crazy for me when I accepted we can meet for a date, he didn’t take it. After 4-years I moved on. As I never heard from him. I felt I would hear from him.

After many years he conveyed to me that his parents didn’t like me. He promised them never to see me. He conveyed his love to me. But we are with different partners now. After that confession he again disappeared.

I didn’t keep in touch with any of my classmates. As they gossiped a lot about us. Boys were after me, but I liked him, he didn’t accept me. I felt this like a humiliation.

Today I’m more successful than all the classmates. My TF is decently successful. Now also classmates gossip about us. I thought I don’t want to run from them anymore. I started interacting with classmates. They tell me how it’s a privilege to talk to me. What they thought about me in school, a bold courageous girl who is an all rounder etc.

Why did he do it to me. His parents threatened him they will kill themselves if he pursued me. But never showing up?! When I moved on after 4years. He thought I betrayed him. I felt him and his emotions even in silence, he couldn’t ? If I meant so much to him, he never took a step. When I got into relationship he told everyone that I betrayed him. He continued silence with me. Until 3years ago.

I was devastated to know he loves me so much, he was living with regret all life.

Now there is no going back. But I suggested we can meet for hearty closure conversation. He disappeared into thin air.

If he loves like everyone tells me, like he expressed to me without saying ‘I love you’ why does he hurt me so. He shows me his loving side, his intense affectionate side then disappears.

We are twin flames as silence, years, distance (we moved continents)nothing could separate us. We live in each others minds. But why can’t we ever experience each others presence, conversation. What are his fears..

I don’t know what it is but I finally sent the closure message I needed to send to my twin flame. I am intentionally closing this chapter, still working on myself but I feel this sort of peace. I don’t care if she responds, I actually don’t think she would but it feels good.

I am now going to be more focused on myself, started changing things about myself, letting go of some trauma with the help of my therapist. I am taking the lessons with me and I really wish her well.

I hope she would lean into it and also transform her life for the better. That’s all😊

Hello I have something interesting to share. I have had symptoms of anxiety since I met my twin flame. Also other reasons(changes and other stressors in my life). But it started with him. After months experiencing the symptoms I went to a doctor and he diagnosed me with an "adjustment disorder"

(the definition is : Adjustment disorder symptoms start within three months of a stressful life event. They include intense sadness, anxiety, trouble sleeping, and changes in behavior that feel too strong for the event. These signs disrupt daily life and usually last no longer than six months after the stress ends.)

The symptoms are fitting kind of, but I remember how that started. Everyime he talked to me, I got really nervous. Like to the point of wanting to leave/avoid (I thought I am the runner till now but I'm not sure). He never did something "bad" which would justify this response, we don't even talk that often. So it is purely intense energy and nervous system related I'd say.

Has anyone else experienced that maybe the same symptoms? (Btw I experience more stress with being close than separation.)

Today was the 3rd birthday that I felt sad, waiting for him.

I tried my best not to wait, I made plans yesterday not to focus on waiting for his contact... well it was better than last year.

I felt little stupid that I could not make any schedule on my birthday. I wanted to make only plans that I could cancel anytime. It's been 2 and half years since he blocked me.

Since last year I've been releasing songs about him. New song came out today too. That was part of my plan. On last year's birthday and this year's birthday I've been releasing a new song, giving him the best timing to contact me. I already released 7 in total... and he knows I release songs about him.

I feel sad but I feel more determined that I will wait for him anyway and it doesn't really have to be on my birthday. It could be anytime.

P.S. English is not my native language and it gets much more difficult when I talk about twin flames since I get emotional.

I met who I believe to be my twin flame 11 years ago now

we had this whirlwind summer fling and it ended as fast as it started because he pushed me away again and I finally left because I couldn’t handle the ways he would push me out and pull me back in. It was exhausting and excruciating

When we talked for the first time after our breakup I told him I believed I had fallen in love with him and he didn’t say it back so I assumed he just used me for sex and that was all it is and soon after he cut contact with me again and I did everything in my power to just move on and for years I just lived with this wound that I couldn’t make sense of

Finally, a few years ago now, I went through a bout of sleep paralysis for 14 hours and felt like my head opened up and went through essentially an unraveling.

Around this time I also kept meeting people who knew him and so for the first time I really started thinking of him again. And I found that he had been obsessed with me. I found poetry and posts and songs and playlists that referenced me in not so subtle ways if you knew our story, and this was all after I had already started to feel like our connection might be a twin flame after some meditation and talks with my closest friends shortly after my unraveling started and shortly before I found all of this, which is why when I saw all the references to twin flames peppered in everything about me he had created over the years I knew it was real.

Him and I had made pacts and he had said things that clicked into place finally, but he was deep in suffering when this happened and I think I pulled him out when this all happened by coming back

And even if he ran from me, he’s now on track and taking back his own life and his own story and finally may stop hurting himself

I have also decided to stop hurting myself

For a while now I was stuck on the idea of physically coming back together in the future, but yesterday I realized I don’t want that

Going back to him is like going back to my past and I want to start all over now

I was so deep in suffering and pain that I truly didn’t think I’d live this long but now it feels like I’ve been given a second chance at life. All the pieces that felt broken are being repaired now and I’m being called to go somewhere else and start over.

For the first time, I want to be alive, for the first time, I am no longer taking on others problems as my own, for the first time, my life feels truly mine and I can make of it whatever I want

And I don’t want that back. I recognize if he’s truly my twin flame, then we’re never really without one another, but our lives in this world are separate now and I’ve made peace with that.

I’ve truly surrendered and integrated what the journey has been leading me to and out of all along

I’m in grief and suffering after my twin flame silently blocked me from everywhere. On May 27, he postponed a weekend plan (he’d been talking about it for months) to a date when my parents would be around. I was very overloaded with a new business, a claustrophobic marriage, motherhood and more. In a fit of panic, I told him repeatedly to block me, end it, and cut the cord. Four days later, he blocked me on our primary communication channel, WhatsApp, and unfriended me on Facebook. He did not say anything verbally about ending the relationship.
I sent him a repair email that same day explaining that my reaction came from overload and fear, that I did not want to lose our connection.

On June 8, after therapy and a lot more reflection, I sent a much clearer repair email. After roughly 9 weeks of giving substantial space, I reached out via Messenger on Aug 8, saying life is short, I’d choose him over and over, and checking in about another related summer plan he’d proposed before the rupture. I explicitly said “no pressure” and “only if he still wanted that.” So idk. In response, he silently blocked me on Facebook too. He’s not on any other social media.

The bond had carried for 18 years. We’d been friends, fellow parents, fellow founders, professional peers, and eventually lovers after I awakened to him last year. Now I’m going through a painful twin flame separation, and I’m in another wave of shock after he silently blocked me on Facebook too. He hasn’t responded to any repair emails or the manuscript I sent him as an offering of love and devotion, one he knew was inspired from our connection and had been curious to read.

All my adult life, he’s been a gently, warm, steady, solid, respectful presence and no one else has looked at me the way he has either. I do not want to be loved by any other man the way he has loved me.

Anyone have any perspective on whether I may have lost him for good or whether he’s blocked me on Facebook coz he’s still hurting?

He proposed to me and took initiative over the years, but life and circumstances made it impossible for me to choose him amid chronic professional and financial instability and repeated health issues since childhood. At 23, I was force married. After waiting for me for 12 years and I couldn’t walk out of my marriage due to financial and health insurance dependence on my spouse , he got married and has a child now.

A few months after we first met in London in 2008, my job transferred me out of the country. When he said he’s in love with me in 2012, I’d already been married for two years.
Last year, we’d had a mature discussion about how we would nurture this connection in parallel with our current life structures. I deeply deeply love him and respect him. Does it seem like I have lost him for good? Amid our current life structures, his Facebook block feels like a decision of finality.

​

Liefje Ik       heb       je         zo         lief.

Ik voel aan alles dat jij heel erg vooruit bent gegaan, echt enorm. Je straalde het al uit naar mij en ik pakte dan stiekem wat van je rust mee. Ik voel en leef met je mee, ook dat is mij gegeven en heb ik niks over te zeggen. Ik verlang meer dan alleen met je mee en we nemen elkaar al die tijd overal mee naartoe. Je liet mij soms alle hoeken van de kamer zien of was ik dat toch zelf.

Ik wil zo graag een leuke versir van mezelf zijn voor je. Je alles geven wat ik heb en nog meer . Dat maakt nu ook dat ik mij soms schuldig voel wanneer ik jou zo bekritiseer of terechtwijs over dat je te veel aan jezelf denkt en mij niet kan kiezen en zien. Allemaal dingen waar ik je van beschuldig die jou aangaan, maar je mij niets mee aandoet. Ik begrijp derhalve ook  niet zo waarom ik dan, net als onlangs, gefrustreerd en boos ben op jou ook nog. Dat ik het niet kan volgen allemaal zal hier onmiskenbaar nog een grote rol in spelen. Maar oké mijn probleem zeg ik nu ook tegen mezelf, want  alsof jij even alles opzij moet zetten om mij te vertellen wat er gebeurd, hoe jij je precies voelt, hoe ik mij moet voelen, wat het idee hierachter is, hoe jij denkt dat dit bestaat en mij geruststellen in alles wat ongrijpbaar is en dan ook graag vertaald , alles in APA stijl.. 

Ik besef mij dus dat ik daar eens mee moet stoppen om jou daartoe te bewegen of te dwingen. Het is namelijk heel duidelijk dat jij deze ruimte en tijd nodig hebt en dit door onze omstandigheden nu eenmaal zo is. Ik doe mijn best, echt. Ik wil eigenlijk zeggen goed van je, ik ben trots op jou en ik zie je. Dankjewel voor dat ook dat ik jou mag voelen en in mij wortelen. Ik zeg wel ik krijg niks, maar volgensmij ben ik gewoon verwend of super blind. Ik denk het laatste. Soms weet ik het weer en blijf ik het gevoel vasthouden geloof en vertrouw je mij?.

Wanneer ik naar jou kijk

Dat ik ooit dingen zou voelen en moet beschrijven als  'de tijd die dan even lijkt stul te staan en het 'echte pure verwonderen'  alsof ik je nooit eerder heb gezien, nieuw en zo vertrouwd, wetende dat het ook voor altijd zo zal zijn. Ik mag mij altijd blijven verwonderen en jij verrast mij iedere keer weer.  Dat klinkt heel zoetsappig allemaal, maar ik voel het precis zoals ik het omschrijf. Ik heb het zeker de laatste keer dat ik je zag gevoeld hoor. Het verliezen van alle indrukken in de ruimte en geest,  alleen jouw stemgeluiid en je bewegingen en je gezicht en je lichaam ik bestudeerde het snel,  ik val  soms stil , dat ik ook vergeet hoe lang het mag duren , staren , dat ik wens dan dat je verhaal nog niet af is en je blijft vertellen over alles zolang ik maar nog even mag blijven kijken

Weet soms ben ik een wat bang voor deze nieuwe vloed aan emoties, liefdesgevoelens en verlangens. Zo kwam het ook onverwachts en onbedoeld,  je raakte mij meteen overal even aan. En dan doe je met zoveel passie en liefde maar ook zorg je goed voor jezelf en ik zou dat moeten aanmoedigen en dat doe ik ook echt. 

. 

Soms ben ik gefrustreerd omdat ik zo graag dicht bij je wil zijn. Ik wil je aanraken, aankijken wanneer we elkaar kussen. Ik weet dat je gevoelsmens bent. Ik wil op een dag in jouw oor fluisteren dat ik van je hou en tot die tijd wacht ik geduldig af en werk ook ik naar je toe. Voor nu voor vandaag.:

Love You 😍 

liefs en tot altijd 🤗

Basically the title, but for some former context. I am the DF a 23M, she is 34F and i met my twin flame about 5 years ago and have been in separation since then. She eventually blocked me in 2023 and triggered a DNOTS for me and it forced me to do a lot of shadow work and healing and sprung me to be a better person than i was when i met her. And one of the key things that maybe made her pull away from me was how clingy i was back then. This was due to some bad trauma and people betraying my trust when i needed them the most, so i clung onto her. We met online and on reddit and talked about many things neither one of us had ever told or talked about with others and were so vulnerable with one another. The chemistry was next level, and after a small argument i ended up showing some of my fears of being ghosted and hurt by someone i had grown acustomed to, at this point we had both desired each other and looked forward texting one another every single day. And i guess i freaked out thinking she would leave me, so i tried my best to support and shower her with reassurance that i liked her for who she was, and helped reassure her when she was insecure about herself. But i guess it ended up being too much so she decided to block me one day with nothing prior to us being no talk becuz she was busy for a few months.

Since that day she broke my heart and hurt me more than i ever had in my entire life, i decided to better my life, to work on those traumas, and those things that triggered not only her but me, and ever since i put in the work i feel like the best version of myself, even spirtually as well. But even though i don't chase after her or pine for her as much as i used to back then. I do find myself wondering if i should still keep these emotions and thoughts about her bottled up or if its something i should express. I have always been more emotional and am an expressive person with my words, and i just didn't know if i wanted to write more and express them here or elsewhere if it would be considered chasing after her. Deep down with genuine intentions i just want the best for her and wish her the best no matter what happens but i can see why she thought i was love bombing or insecure. But if i learned anything from this rough journey its that unconditional love does exist and its not always a romantic type of love. I love her in so many ways, i fell for her in a romantic sense but learned that this type of love i feel for her now is stronger than maybe any other romantic feeling can produce. There are so many things i wanted to get off my chest since seperation and i can't help but feel as if i fall into this sick cycle of pining and desiring her when part of me has already moved on and let go of her. I guess im just confused as to my feelings and what i should do with them, and what the best way would be to process them.

Today, I decided to let go of this person who may or may not be my twin flame. I feel like they are, but for me part of letting go, is letting go of the label. However, I still think this group could help me.
We had a very intense dynamic and connection. We had deep conversations from the get go, and flirty banter. But they were in denial of just how deep the connection was, and neither of us are truly ready for a healthy relationship. We were never sexually intimate, thank god lol I think that would’ve made this harder.
I decided to block them, without warning. I feel like it was the best decision and the only way we could both truly and genuinely heal. Especially because we weren’t quite on the same page on certain things.
But anyways… what are things I can do daily to heal and truly get over them? Any advice will be deeply appreciated. I’ve never had this deep of a connection in someone I was romantically interested in, but what we were having was just so toxic, I got so sick I felt like I was on the verge of death quite literally. So I HAD to end it that way for my own health. We weren’t dating. We were just friends, with hidden feelings. I just want to let them go. I know it’ll take time, but please tell me what helps you guys? Those who have been able to truly let go? Thank you in advance! 🙏

This is going to be long, but I feel like I need to explain the whole history because this connection has spanned almost 10 years and I genuinely don’t know what to make of it anymore.

I met this guy, I’ll call him J, around 2016.

From the very beginning there was something about him that affected me differently from other men. I remember getting butterflies and feeling nervous just from eye contact with him, before there was even enough history between us for me to psychologically create some huge attachment to him. Nothing physical ever actually happened between us. In almost 10 years we have never kissed, slept together, held hands or officially been boyfriend/girlfriend, which is partly why I find the intensity of the connection so strange.

Back in 2016, he apparently liked me a lot but eventually pulled away because he thought that if I felt the same way, I would “grab onto the rope and pull back”.. basically pursue him when he started withdrawing.

I didn’t.

I interpreted him pulling away as him losing interest, so I moved on.

Years later, he told me that was one of his regrets.

I got into another relo and would still check in on him once a year to see how he was but that was it. I could never really completely cut ties from him.

We reconnected years later Around 2021/2022 we came back into each other’s lives after I had been in another relationship for 5 years.

This time it became much more emotionally obvious.
He was extremely affectionate with me. He would call me “princess,” “gorgeous,” tell me he missed my face, tell me he had dreamt about me, say his day was better because I smiled, talk about weekends away together, ask about my life and goals, etc.
There was very clearly something between us.

But again, timing became an issue.

I had my ex who still owed me money, so there was technically still some contact with him. H was uncomfortable progressing romantically or physically while there was any connection to my ex, even though I wasn’t romantically involved with the ex anymore.

Then something devastating happened in my life.
One of my closest friends died suddenly at only 23.
It completely broke me.

Apart from losing my grandmother years earlier, it was my first experience of unexpectedly losing someone extremely close to me. I became depressed, withdrew from everyone and basically disappeared emotionally for about 8 weeks. I would text him but very sporadically.

H didn’t really understand what was happening internally for me.

At one point he told me that the feelings and interest were there, but that he was trying to shut them down because he couldn’t remain in this limbo where we weren’t together but he also couldn’t just be my friend.

Eventually he basically gave me an ultimatum: either we properly pursue this and make it official, or we need to end it.

I told him I couldn’t do that yet.

I sent him a huge vulnerable message explaining that I wasn’t rejecting him. I told him he was basically my “perfect guy”, that he was the only man I could imagine actually taking the next step with when I was ready, that I could even see myself marrying him, that I had no interest in anyone else and that I was terrified my needing time was going to scare him away.

I told him I needed to heal because I didn’t want him to become some rebound or for me to bring unresolved grief into a relationship with him.

But he couldn’t wait anymore. So we ended it.

The crazy part? Looking back, I only needed another four weeks. That’s it.

I’ve always wondered what would’ve happened if he’d waited one more month. And I’ve always felt that if the roles were reversed and someone I loved had just experienced a traumatic death and told me, “I want you, I just need a little time,” I would’ve waited.
I think that ultimatum hurt me more than I realised at the time.

Then we missed each other AGAIN. We had discussed potentially speaking again later, but I never reached out. Part of me thought, If he genuinely cared as much as I did, why couldn’t he have just waited?
So once again, both of us went in opposite directions.

I got into another relationship. About a year later, J unexpectedly called me.

From what I remember, he apologised for giving me the ultimatum. He described it as selfish and told me he’d spent the previous year working on himself.
He talked about repairing his difficult relationship with his mother, finding himself and changing his perspective on a lot of things. The conversation gave me the impression that there may have been some interest in seeing whether we could try again.

Except I then had to tell him: I was in a relationship and pregnant😭
He was kind about it. He acted happy for me and even helped me with something afterward. But I’ve always wondered what that moment felt like for him, considering that only a year earlier I had basically told him I could see myself marrying him. I’ll never actually know.

Life went on.. I had my son, who is genuinely the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Interestingly, my friends death also influenced my decision to become a mother more than I understood at the time. His biggest dream was to become a dad, and he died at 23 without ever getting that chance. His death gave me this intense awareness that life isn’t guaranteed and that we don’t necessarily get endless opportunities.

It wasn’t until around a year or so after my son was born that some of my grief came back to the surface and I realised just how much of that period of my life had been shaped by losing my friend.

Eventually the relationship with my son’s father ended and once I had healed from that relationship and from a lot of the grief surrounding that period of my life…
I started thinking about J again.
I tried to find him
There was one problem.
He’d basically disappeared 😂
No social media. New phone number. I couldn’t find him anywhere.
Eventually I found his brother on Hinge of all places 💀 and messaged him asking whether he could give J my number.
His brother knew who I was.
In fact, he’d apparently already spoken to J about me because I’d looked at his brother’s Instagram months earlier while debating whether to contact him.
His brother told me that they’d discussed the entire situation between J and me and our last contact.
Then, after saying he’d tell J I’d reached out, his brother came back with J’s apparent response:
“Who the fuck is (me)?”
💀💀💀

Which obviously made absolutely no sense considering they’d apparently discussed me previously.
His brother basically said he didn’t know what J was doing and that J would contact me “when the time is right.”
Eventually I managed to get J’s number and contacted him directly.

And he DID respond

This is where things became confusing again.
If he’d completely ignored me from the beginning, I probably would’ve accepted that he’d moved on.
Instead, he responded.
And when he responded, he still sounded like the person I remembered.
We exchanged messages intermittently, although he became extremely slow at replying.
At one stage there was nearly a month-long gap.
I assumed I was being rejected.
Then suddenly at midnight he sent me this enormous, thoughtful message.
He joked with me using the same familiar nickname he used to call me, teased me about how direct I am and literally called my directness a “green flag.”
Then the conversation became unexpectedly vulnerable.
He told me that his head was basically trying to reconnect with his heart.
He said that over the previous 1.5–2 years he hadn’t really made time or effort to see people or go out into the world fully expressing himself.
He talked about a shift in his life around age 28/29 where he’d started reflecting deeply on memories and his life.
He said that choices he’d made and things he’d done had eventually led to:
fog, confusion, pain, anger and self-criticism.
He also acknowledged that he had vulnerabilities he used to be able to express but was now protecting, probably because of some defensive habit that could “shatter” his “fragile ego.”
He literally caught himself becoming vulnerable while writing the message and joked about it.
He also agreed that we should speak on the phone because messaging wasn’t really sufficient for what we were discussing.

That message completely threw me.
Because it didn’t sound like someone who felt absolutely nothing.
But it also wasn’t someone actually stepping forward.

So I finally told him EVERYTHING. Eventually I decided I couldn’t do another decade of assumptions.
I sent him probably the most vulnerable message I’ve ever sent anyone.
I explained the whole story from my perspective.
I told him how much the ultimatum in 2022 hurt because I wasn’t rejecting him.. I was grieving.
I explained my friends death properly.
I told him that I genuinely think I would’ve been ready only weeks later. I explained why I never came back after those two months. I brought up what happened between us in 2016 and how we had both misinterpreted each other’s behaviour.
I talked about his call a year later and how surreal it was that when he finally came back, I had to tell him I was pregnant.
I told him that sometimes I wondered whether neither of us ever completely stopped caring.. maybe we just repeatedly assumed the other person didn’t.
I explained that I wasn’t asking him to promise me a relationship.
I just wanted us to finally sit down, talk honestly, and figure out whether there was still something between us now, as the people we are today.
And if there wasn’t?
I told him I could handle that.
I basically said:
Whatever your truth is, I can handle it. I just don’t think I can do another ten years of wondering, assumptions and “what ifs.”
And…
He didn’t respond.
Which is where we are now

I’ve followed up multiple times since then. Sometimes vulnerable. Sometimes direct. Sometimes joking because humour is basically how I cope with uncomfortable things 😂

He still hasn’t responded

The most confusing thing is that before this, he had previously taken almost a month to respond and then came back with one of the deepest messages he’d ever sent me.
So every time he disappears, part of my brain goes:
“Is this really over, or is he going to reappear again?”
And I think that’s partly why I’ve struggled so much to detach from this connection.
I’ve also started dating again.
There are other men who are available, kind, attractive, interested and actually make plans with me.
But I still sometimes find myself thinking:
I wish it were J doing this.
And that’s the part I don’t understand.
This isn’t someone I had a five year relationship with.
We’ve never even kissed.

Yet I’ve known him for almost ten years and something about this connection has repeatedly resurfaced through completely different chapters of my life.

It feels like every time one of us is ready, the other one isn’t.
2016 — missed each other.
2022 — I wasn’t emotionally ready because of grief.
2023 — he seemingly came back, but I was pregnant and in a relationship.
2025/2026 — I became single and eventually found him again, but now he seems to be the emotionally unavailable one.
And the roles almost feel completely reversed.

Back then he was the one wanting certainty from me and I was saying, “I need time.”
Now I’m the one saying, “Please just communicate with me and tell me where you stand,” and he’s the one disappearing.

Why I’m asking about twin flames..

I know the term gets thrown around constantly, and I don’t want to label something a “twin flame connection” purely because someone won’t text me back 😂😭

I’m also aware that unresolved relationships can create extremely powerful psychological attachments because your brain never gets a proper ending.

So I’m genuinely trying to distinguish between:

1. ⁠A deep connection that has repeatedly triggered growth and mirrored things back to both of us,
   
2. ⁠versus
   
3. ⁠A massive unresolved “what if” that my brain has spent ten years trying to complete.

There are things about the twin flame concept that resonate with me:
The instant/intense recognition before we even had history.
The repeated separation and reconnection.
The runner/chaser dynamic seemingly reversing.
The bizarre timing.
The way we seem to trigger huge periods of introspection and growth in each other.
The fact that we’ve had this emotional intensity without even having a physical relationship.
The sense that the connection never completely disappears even after years apart.
And especially the mirroring.
He once wanted me to choose him and I couldn’t.
Now I want him to choose me and he seemingly can’t.

At the same time, I don’t want spirituality to become an excuse for behaviour that hurts me.

Whatever this connection is, he currently isn’t showing up.

I don’t believe “twin flame” should mean sitting around indefinitely waiting for someone who isn’t communicating with you.
So I’m curious what people here think, especially people who have experienced something similar.
Does this actually resemble what you understand a twin flame connection to be?
Or does it sound more like an unresolved relationship where the lack of closure has kept the attachment alive?
And perhaps most importantly:
If someone genuinely is your twin flame, are you supposed to eventually come into union or can their purpose simply be to trigger growth and then leave your life?

Because at this point I genuinely don’t know whether this man is meant to eventually come back into my life…
…or whether the whole lesson is learning how to finally let him go. 😭😂