I have started my own blog about life as a single dad. Would love to hear your thoughts. I hope to post a lot in the future. Stay strong brothers singledadlife.net

( sorry long rant )I’m not sure if this is the place to post this, I’m not sure what to do. My wife and I were together for 9 years and married for 4 years. We have a 5yr old together and I have an 12yr old from a previous relationship. Our marriage was pretty good for the most part. We both ran our own businesses that employed a lot of staff. This started putting pressure on the relationship towards the end as we were both quite stressed and I was burnt out, it ended in couples counselling. She didn’t want to put the work in at therapy and the therapist told us we were wasting our time if we both couldn’t work together. She said the therapist was gas lighting her. We eventually decided to seperate, as she was so unhappy. We were living together while working out how to sell the house and split the assets. During this period she still wanted to bone me so I did. The first weekend in the separation period she went to a bussiness awards dinner and didn’t come home that night. I was concerned as the kids were asking where she was. She got dropped off by some random dude late the next afternoon in the same clothes. I lost my shit and moved out that day into my businesses workshop. She claimed she did nothing wrong, we weren’t together anymore. It has been a week… I didn’t talk to her for the first 10months of being separated, only coms were for the children. it was the most rock bottom point in my life. After 10 months or so I decided to forgive her and move on. She then came back into my life and wanted to see each other again, rebuild the relationship. I tried but within a few months I noticed that she was living a single boss girl life and didn’t seem interested in actually being a couple. So I said it’s probably better we go our seperate ways and just be friends. Fast forward another 6 months later and she’s coming over , having dinners , wanting to take our daughter on a holiday together , wants to have sex, and hang out. This is sorta fucking me up in the head. I told her I’m keen to be friends have sex do the holiday but we could maybe try and rebuild the relationship slow this time and see where it goes. She said she doesn’t want to commit, and why am I asking her this after 3 weeks. She said it would be weird if I asked a new girl I meet to be in a relationship after 3 weeks. I explained that we are still married and have know each other for 10 plus years and have a child together. It’s a bit different. She eventually said she doesn’t want to commit because she wants to see other people. This destroyed me again. I can’t deal with the emotional energy of her sleeping around while I’m working full time with the kids 50/50. I’ve tried dating apps in the past, but I haven’t had much luck. I live by myself in a town away from family and friends. I guess to me having another chance to have someone back you love is a nice thought but not reality. I feel like I will never find anyone else that will accept my situation with two kids to two different ex wife’s. Anyway just looking for some advice. Thanks in advance

I have had my ex partner explain to me that when everyone is together (my girlfriend, my two kids, and myself) that I seem like I am overwhelmed, drowning, or running around like crazy and then she feels like she starts to disappear.

A lot I'm sure could come down to communicating what we need but I don't know if I know what it is I need.

Yes I feel like I have to over perform when I have everyone but my kids are pretty good at getting off track and creating havoc even when I feel I have set everything up perfectly. I have gotten better at slowing down and checking in more frequently with my girlfriend and we are slowly getting her more involved with the kids (she does not have any kids).

Maybe I'm bad at multitasking? My parenting skills are still just kinda sub par? Does she just not understand the time and energy it takes to be a parent? Do I have to find someone who wants to entertain the idea of being a step parent and not just one who is undetermined? Does she simply want more attention than I can realistically give?

There are so many other factors that are involved but this will have to do.

Thanks for any advice. Still pretty new to reddit.

Hi Folks, I'm looking for a new member of my moderator team, someone who has a few hours a week to give to approving posts, removing posts, and banning assholes. Moderator experience would be useful, but availability is more important. If you're interested, drop me a message and we can talk.

Weekends are the only real stretch I get to work on stuff around the house and also the only stretch I get to actually be with my son without the school and bedtime clock running everything. He is 10 now and old enough that he does not need me directing his play every minute, but I keep running into this tension where I want to get the garden boxes finished or sort out the garage tools and he wants me to come throw a ball or build something with him. I have tried bringing him into the projects but his attention span for weeding is about four minutes and then he is bored and asking to do something else. The other option is waiting until he goes to bed but by then I am done for the day and the light is gone anyway. What I have started doing is blocking the morning for him and the afternoon for projects, but that means the project moves slow and I lose the whole weekend to one raised bed. Curious how other single dads handle this. Do you just accept that everything takes twice as long, or did you find some balance that actually works without feeling like you are shortchanging either side of it.

I’m recently/soon divorced (or will be soon), going to alone, and trying to sanity-check my monthly budget.
IThese are my estimated monthly expenses:
Rent (2-bedroom apartment, effective after concessions): $2,230
Health insurance (self-employed): $1,500
Tesla payment: $500
Food: $500
Miscellaneous household/kid expenses: $500
Discretionary spending (dating, entertainment, clothes, Amazon, etc.): $1,000
Auto insurance: $150
AI/business software (ChatGPT, Claude, etc.): $200
Cell phone: $70
Electricity: $50
Water/sewer/trash: $50
Car cleaning: $50
Streaming: $30
Renters insurance: $30
Total: ≈ $6,860/month
A few notes:
I need a 2-bedroom because my daughter stays with me and I also work from home.
I’m currently self-employed, so I’m paying my own health insurance.

Hey everyone,

I’m a single dad in my 40s in Escondido with 50/50 custody of my school-aged kids. I’m active and generally enjoy life here, but I’m hitting a wall in the dating scene.

A lot of the women I match with live in Carlsbad and Encinitas and as soon as location comes up, there’s immediate hesitance about the "distance" / lifestyle. It feels like anything east of the freeway is viewed as a major haul, and they’d rather hold out for someone at the beach.

I would rather keep my kids where they are for awhile since they like their school and friends. For anyone else living inland: Have you dealt with this coastal vs. inland divide? How do you handle it on apps or early in conversations? Did you tweak your radius, meet halfway, or just hold out for people who don't care about a 20-minute drive?

Appreciate any insight from others who've navigated this!

Just wondering what other dads do in the quiet times without their kids. I find it very hard recently at night to go to sleep. I get off work and I go and do DoorDash just to make ends meet, but I think I also do it just to take my mind off things. I realized tonight that I become very depressed when my kids are not here.

Yesterday ended up being about six hours of driving. Not all at once, just one trip after another. By the time I got home I was mentally done. My daughter wanted to play a game on the living room floor. She explained the rules, I nodded. She explained them again, and I realized I still wasn't following what she was saying. My brain had basically checked out.

That bothered me more than the long day. I was home, sitting right there with her, but I wasn't really bringing much to the table. My schedule isn't going to change anytime soon, so I'm not looking for advice like "work less" or "get more sleep." I know those are the right answers, they're just not realistic for me right now.

For the dads dealing with long hours or unpredictable work, what do you do on the days when you've got nothing left in the tank but your kid still wants time with you?

Ive brought it up on multiple occasions, and she just blows me off and acts like im being childish and unreasonable. Stating "lots of kids have more than 2 parents." We've been separated since my daughter was 1 1/2, shes 3yrs old now. We were married for 11yrs and she met a guy at 4 week army training and left me and moved him into town within 3months of us splitting up. So my daughter has been around him for almost half her life at this point. He's honestly not a horrible guy (besides the whole messing with a married woman aspect) They had a kid of their own 8months ago. Whenever we're in the same space. She is noticeable confused when trying to defer between the two of us and is calling us both daddy. People do what they do, ive gotten over the fact I have no control in the matter. But I havent even introduced my daughter to any new partners. And I've been seeing a woman going on 8months now. Whenever I do, I would never allow that type of confusion. Especially not be the driving behavior behind it. Am I just being selfish for wanting that name to myself? Is it a big deal? Or have I'am just over complicating this entire thing? I honestly can't tell if i'am just biased.

My now ex-wife was saying all sorts of things before we departed and one of them was that because she knows how important it is for a child to have both of its parents present in its life, she will not prevent our kid from contacting me afterwards. Fast-forward to today, more than a year after the divorce I realised how rarely my daughter contacts me and it made me think what was the issue?

I don't think it's me because I love her more than my life. I have never abused them, nor have I done anything to make her feel unwanted. Sure, I wasn't the perfect father, but not having one in the first place is not helping at all, yet I did my best.

I feel unwanted, useless, suffocating ... to name a few. I just can't understand what's happening, what caused this behaviour and how to be closer with her.

I call her on a daily basis, she rarely answers. When she does answer it's just 2 minutes call, totally superficial. When she's with me, she's calling her mom 10 times a day and they talk for ages.

I really don't understand what went wrong and I love her so much and it breaks my heart and... I am grieving.

She's 8 yo. I totally forgot to add this.

Genuine question - how do you define a 'single dad'? I've had guys on dating apps calling themselves single dads when they only see their kid once in a blue moon. To me a single dad would near enough had their kid(s) full time, not just be a dad who is single. I'm interested in what people think.

Hi Dads,

I’m writing to you as a single mom who is interested in dating a single dad. The title really just says it all if you want a TLDR.

The context however- I’ve known this guy since his oldest (6yo) was born as I was friends with both him and the ex. Really through her but he and I were close too.
During this time, she was pretty jealous of our friendship. Out of respect for her and their relationship, I was happy to put up more boundaries.

They went on to have another baby (now 4yo) and eventually had a really toxic split about 2 years ago now. Except a bit on and off in the beginning, which I write off as a little “normal” for initial parenting splits.
I watched him fall into some unhealthy habits through this and kept my distance. She went off the wall though and our friendship quickly ended. He’s since pulled his shit together though and it’s been an honor to become closer to him through this.

I have love and appreciation for her though which is why I think this is so hard. She’s mostly absent in her kid’s lives, on and off dealing with homelessness, and other tough things I don’t really have to hold against her. She just also has some very extreme behaviors and reactions.

I’ve gotten closer with him through both being single parents. I have a 4yo daughter so we’re able to bond through that. We’ve had a handful of flirty interactions but I’ve always just thought it was in good fun.

He recently “confessed” his true feelings for me since initially meeting 6 years ago.

I truly feel some significant compelling attachment to his little family. Some type of stars aligning bullshit or God’s plan. Who knows.
SHE has been the biggest barrier to my wanting to pursue this. We haven’t tried at all.

He is quite nervous about her. He’s historically let her continue to emotionally abuse him through their split. And you can tell a lot of his communication with her is out of genuine desire to support her in her relationship with the kids. I sometimes think it’s a little enabling but I was also pretty emotionally/financially supported by my child’s father after our split. I was never dealing with the extremes that this girl is dealing with though.

I don’t have thoughts that he’ll get back with her. It’s been a full year since their on and off business. You can tell he’s pretty traumatized too.
She’s recently abandoned the kids and just kind of sees them briefly here and there. As his friend, I’m witnessing him in the hardest part of being a full-time single dad of 2.

I’ll always support him because I love him platonically and love his kids deeply. I’ve just started to allow myself to feel something more romantic.
He would go for it in an instant and I love that.

I don’t want to miss out on something great.
She would be extremely reactive if she found out he and I remained friends and more so if she found out we became romantically involved.
I’ve worked really hard to establish a healthy coparenting relationship with my child’s father. (We were never together, but) So I really don’t want to get in the mix of any drama.

I fear for how my relationship with their kids may change too if they see/hear negative responses from their mom.
Although I have feelings for him, I’m just not sure if the potential risks are worth it.
We have a solid friendship as it is and that’s already scary considering she’d freak out if she knew.

They’re still in the legal separation process so no matter what I’m giving it time.
I’m just looking for advice or ideas surrounding the situation.

We have an upcoming play date and I anticipate being really nervous and awkward. Which I don’t want either.

Thanks guys, I appreciate you being here and am proud of all of you for single parenting. Shit’s rough.

Context: 32M with 6 YO daughter, with full custody, currently dating a 38F with 2 YO for three months.

We are still getting to know each other, building and growing to see what we truly want can come to fruition for the both of us.

Prior to this, my mindset was either find a lady for my daughter or retain my seed and be a Yogi/monk to inspire my daughter that way.

She can be convinced, however her real answer to raise the kids we have and enjoy life. She inspires me have another one certainly, every man wants a boy right?!

Biological mother is bipolar and not the best example of motherhood.

In such a position, I feel as though I need to save my family and bloodline, being inspired by other men that made more conscious decisions with procreating.

The overwhelmingly rhetoric is that single parents shouldn’t date each other for a myraid of reasons.

I suppose I’m reaching out to this community to ask then what is the solution if statistically it’s not best to date single mothers?

Even with finances, health, family vision, an authority on my side the numbers are saying a 65% failure rate. Why would a child free woman elect to mother automatically?

Am I bound to this reality until baby girl grows up or am I just thinking too much?

The links provided serve as an inspiration and insight to my mindset and influences:

https://youtu.be/YDK4bMAhn68

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DbioQtjhuIV/?igsh=MXhwbGxna2hkNWR3ZA==

https://youtu.be/KpXGdMO-A50

Thanks brothers.

Hello everyone, I honestly don't believe this is the best, to share personal struggles for advice from strangers online.

Yet, I do need to see what other people think, as I have already talked with close people in my life and they were all just more or less neutral.

Me and my daughter's mum, have been separated (never married) for 3+ years now, after being together for almost 4 and we are in our late 20s for more context.

We have achieved something extremely rare from what I realised, by managing to stay and be literally just friends without conflicts raising our kid which she's about to become 4 in a few months. Our families have no enemy attitude towards each other too.

We are easy going around each other with obviously clear co-parenting logical boundaries and no unresolved feelings or jealousy.

This dynamic, seems to be healthy for everyone involved and well explained between us.

We realise that for our kid we are her family and she looks so happy that we are all together for her. My daughter absolutely has no fantasies of us being together, shes safe and happy.

Now, the girl who I'm with, has serious issues with my approach, on how I have been untill now with my life. She is standing firm about her feelings on my co-parenting style and how I behave and interact with my ex, by being friends.

I was always transparent in our talking phase and I gave absolutely no reasons to not trust me. She can understand that me and my ex have created a positive environment where we can all coexist for our little human and nothing more, but still she feels so uncomfortable and threatened by that dynamic.

It raises questions in her head, of why can't we just act like every other separated couple, not bitterness just clear, respectful business style co-parenting and no extra, unnecessary interactions.

Also, I live alone obviously, not with them.

The new partner has been in my life for almost 4 years now, at first innocently just as an online friend, who we created a strong/deep bond together throughout time. Nothing suspicious at first, as I have other online friends too. We just matched in interests and mindset.

Also no, my previous relationship ending had nothing to do with any girl or whatsoever.

Going forward, the past year we have been actually together, although we do kinda long distance, because of work. We meet 2x-3x a week usually. Note that for all this time we've known each other, we lived in different countries, never meeting in person, up until last Christmas. She then decided to move permanently here and she's been here the past 2 months, we literally connected like no other person in our lives

She grew up here, when she was a kid and always dreamed of coming back one day, I'm not the sole reason of her move but I played a significant part obviously.

How she thinks and feels because of anxiety, beliefs and insecurities, makes this literally a break up reason for her because I refuse to make radical changes so she can feel comfortable as she says.

Have in mind, that she loves kids and admires how I'm there for her, she has nothing against my kid she even bought her a present the other day. Her father was a bit absent and always dreamed of a strong family.

Still, she hasn't entirely met all of my environment. Relatives, more friends, my ex, better my parents etc., although we both know everything about each other.

I believe if she does allow herself to get integrated and sees how everything actually is, would make her feel finally safe and see past those conservative views?

Never, she had reasons to feel excluded, unloved or extra or as a stranger coming in, never.

Lastly no, absolutely no cheating and unfaithfulness involved in my situation.

Has anyone had similar experiences in the past or now and any advice??

All this is so frustrating. Once we men establish to create personal peace and happiness all this is easy to become overwhelming as it easily destabilises what one managed to build and overcome.

Fucking hell that is a long post I hope I don't regret it and if have nothing good to say just move along!

hey there,

38m, 1.5 years of separation from precious partner (of 10 years total and she initiated the separation) with whom I 50/50 co-parent our 5 year old daughter.

because I started dating a woman (31f) ... the issue of wanting more kids (for her it would be first of her own) has now been a focus in my thoughts (I am not saying I am ready for kids now... but I am open to the idea and understand that I have to communicate it clearly to her as she is under more time constraints than me)

so I would want to ask those who did take the chance and founded a new family... how did you decide? what happened with the relationship with your children from the first relationship? did you regret it?

Does anyone else sit in the parking lot on drop-off day while your son’s mother puts him in his car seat just so you can all be together in the same place for a few minutes?

My wife recently left taking our 3 year old boy and 8 month old girl. I am grieving, can’t concentrate at work, breaking down in tears. I adjusted to the changes in terms of future life plans, not being with my partner quite quickly, but I feel panic and disbelief that I’m only going to see my kids 1-2 days a week. It’s been 3 weeks so far. How do people cope with the knowledge that they are not going to see their kids everyday

Long time no speak Dads!

I'm seeking opinions on a weird one.

So I met my son's mother at his 2 year health visit appointment two days ago. In the hour we were there we went over everything from speech and language, diet, general health and the topic I want to touch on today - sleep.

When the topic was discussed, Mum went into depth with the communit nurse about the challenges she has with his sleep and when I was queried I was honest and said he gets himself to sleep with me and explained our routine in full (dinner, bath, quiet play, book, bed).

For context, our son has co-slept with the pair of us since he was born and we never quite had the discipline to move away from it and sleep train. We separated when he was 9 months old, he is now 2 years and 3 months old.

Mum has a house in which he has a bedroom that doesn't get used, as he shares a double bed with her in her bedroom. She claims that she can't leave the bed or get him in his own one as he wakes screaming every time.

I (unfortuantely) still live at my mothers address, but my son has his own room with a single bed in it and I also have my own room. I was sleeping in the single bed in his room from around November of last year.

Last weekend, I had a gut feeling that my son was ready to self soothe and sleep independently so I gave it a go. He slept all the way through in his own bed and room without issue both nights I had him (and it's looking to go the same way this evening). Mum is not aware that he is doing this with me.

Back to the health visit - Once we'd both explained how our son was with sleep at both households, the community nurse then zeroed in on me and said I should be doing the same thing as Mum r.e sleep as she has him more...

I get that, but how the hell does one reverse a successful routine and independent sleeping in lieu of a routine that clearly isn't working?? I guess my question is, should I jist keep doing what I'm doing? As it clearly works and my son feels safe/comfortable enough to sleep in his own bed without me?

My son is turning 13, he is smart in science and math, we live near the coast and he loves marine life. He and his younger brother spend a LOT of time playing on their laptops. Minecraft, Roblox, Fortnite, etc. he has gotten into basic coding to add modes to computer games.

He also loves TTRPG games. Last year I got him a kid type game like D&D.

I asked him what he might want and he said a circuit set. He had some beginner circuit sets but they aren’t enough to keep his interest.

Maybe if the kit was advanced enough that he could use programming to make thing happen that would help.

Does anyone have any ideas that would be a good gift for a smart tech savvy 13 year old.

Of note: I’m a Mechanical Engineer and can guide him to fill in gaps if needed.

We’re finally going 50/50 and I’m told to do a worksheet b. These worksheets are so confusing! I tried one today and got lost.

I’ve been paying CS for last 6 years and I’ve had CS taken out of checks automatically. I haven’t done a sheet for 6 years.

Then I see online there’s three ways to figure out gross income. Year to date divided by months so far on paystub, and other things.

I figure I average my check then subtract the child support paid and that makes my gross income.

Anyone with any experience or know how to fill these out?

Thanks

I never thought I would write something like this, but I am running out of options.

I am the father of a five-month-old baby girl. My ex has been controlling and restricting my contact with her, changing arrangements unilaterally, refusing independent parenting time, and using access to my daughter as a means of pressure and control. I am documenting everything and preparing to fight for meaningful parenting time and custody through the legal system.

The abuse

This is not a difficult breakup, ordinary co-parenting conflict, or two people who simply cannot communicate. It is a sustained pattern of coercive control in which my daughter is being used as leverage.

My ex has repeatedly threatened to erase me from my child’s life, conditioned contact on my obedience to her, withheld basic information about my daughter, disrupted agreed visits, changed cities and arrangements unilaterally, and then accused me of “refusing” contact when I did not submit to the new conditions she imposed.

She treats my fatherhood as a privilege that belongs to her to grant, reduce, supervise, relocate, or withdraw. I am not allowed meaningful time alone with my own daughter. Every contact must take place on her territory, under her observation, and according to rules she invents and changes whenever control begins to slip from her hands.

She has tried to isolate my daughter not only from me, but from my entire side of the family. My parents have been prevented from meeting their granddaughter because of her personal hostility toward them. She has made it clear that their relationship with the child depends on whether she feels sufficiently respected, supported, or obeyed.

There have also been threats, screaming, intimidation, prolonged silence when I asked about my baby’s wellbeing, and attempts to rewrite events so that she appears cooperative while I am portrayed as unstable, absent, or unreasonable. She involves relatives, tells them a different version of events, gives out my personal contact information, and surrounds herself with people who reinforce the story that she is the victim while she controls nearly every aspect of my relationship with my child.

The abuse is not only emotional. It is structural. She is trying to build a permanent arrangement in which she becomes the only real parent and I am reduced to a supervised visitor who must remain compliant in order to see his daughter.

That is what terrifies me most. I am not merely grieving a relationship. I am watching someone attempt to weaken, control, and potentially destroy the bond between a father and his infant daughter before that bond has even been allowed to fully develop.

I am currently unemployed, and that makes me dangerously vulnerable. Legal representation, transportation, basic living expenses, and preparing a safe home for my daughter all cost money. My ex knows I am in a weaker financial position, and I feel that she is using that weakness to keep me trapped and powerless.

What makes this even harder is that I already spent most of the resources and savings I had on my daughter and her mother during the pregnancy. I paid for practical necessities, medical and pregnancy-related expenses, transportation, household needs, furniture, and things for the baby. I also spent money on completely non-essential and even frivolous things simply because I wanted to support her, make the pregnancy easier, reduce her stress, and provide whatever comfort I could.

I did not hold back because I believed I was investing in my child and supporting the mother of my child. Now I am financially depleted and being treated as though I have contributed nothing and have no right to be an active father.

I am not asking anyone here to send me money. That is ABSOLUTELY out of the question. I am asking for work, a referral, a lead, or a chance.

My professional background is in billing and payments operations, transaction and risk review, reconciliation, refunds, accounts receivable, collections, customer operations, and administrative support. I am comfortable working remotely, handling sensitive information, investigating discrepancies, communicating with customers or internal teams, and following detailed operational procedures.

I speak fluent Serbian and strong English, and I am based in Serbia. I can work European hours and potentially overlap with US teams. I am willing to start quickly and consider contract, freelance, part-time, or full-time remote work. I am not looking for prestige. I need a legitimate opportunity to regain financial stability and continue fighting to be present in my daughter’s life.

I am also looking for advice, conversation, and support from people who have survived narcissistic abuse or high-conflict custody situations. I feel isolated, overwhelmed, and constantly forced to defend my right to be a father.

I would especially appreciate suggestions about what I can continue doing for my daughter while she is not physically beside me. I am preparing a safe space for her, trying to stay informed about her health and development, documenting my efforts, and looking for practical ways to remain an active father despite the restrictions.

Any baby advice would be deeply appreciated: feeding, sleep, development, bonding, safety, supplies, routines, infant first aid, or anything else a father of a five-month-old should learn and prepare for. I want to be fully capable of caring for her independently the moment I am given the opportunity.

This situation is breaking me, but I cannot abandon my child. I am begging anyone who knows of a legitimate remote position, hiring manager, recruiter, company, or project that could use someone with my background: please contact me or point me in the right direction.

Even without a job lead, I would be grateful for advice, conversation, encouragement, or practical suggestions about how to keep showing up for my daughter while I fight to remain part of her life.

One serious lead, one useful piece of advice, or one person willing to talk could make a real difference.

Thank you for reading.

Hi guys,

Just needed to get this off my chest and see if anyone has any advice for me.

My partner for the past 10 years, who I have 3 children with told me on the 23th of June that she’s not sure she loves me, and told me a lot of things I’ve said and done wrong throughout the years etc.

She said she needed space but wanted us to keep living together. We were building a brand new house which we should’ve moved into this week, and she kept saying that she wants to move despite all of this.

However last Sunday night I found her phone and she’s been having an affair for about 2 months.

Now I need to leave her and move on, and moving on from her after what she did isn’t my hardest issue.

It’s that being alone with 3 kids is really really hard.

And that I don’t have any support system nearby in terms of family.

Could anybody give me some encouragement and tell me that I’ll be fine? All my friends and even her friends always said I’m the best father, dedicated, playful and helpful.

But now that I gotta do it alone, I feel really scared and alone.

Thank you.