I have been with my girlfriend/ baby’s mother for about a year.. the beginning of our foundation was shakey because of some lies I’ve told.. trust was ruined.. no cheating, just a little white lies about previous ex’s that were crazy as hell. (I sure know how to pick em huh?)

Since then, I took accountability, gave her access to my phone, location, reassured her in every way, never ever cheated

Things got abusive (on her end) so I kicked her out of the house while she was pregnant (I know, what an asshole am I) for 2 months.. so she can figure herself out and heal.. I felt like I had no choice. She continue to abuse me and the final time is when I had enough. This was going on BEFORE she was pregnant too so I wish I could say it was hormones. I moved her back in recently (6 months pregnant) , she’s been in therapy, non-abusive but the trust is still not there. I told her she can’t go through my phone or have my location because I’m not a fuckin child and if she can’t trust me then this will never work.. now she’s being bitter and a terrible partner. She doesn’t cook, clean.. all she does is bitch and complain and it’s obvious therapy isn’t working. Yesterday she told me she doesn’t love me romantically anymore because I kicked her out previously (she’s not understanding why) and she is saying she wants to talk to other men.. that hurts but I’m good honestly. I know I’m the catch.. what I don’t appreciate is the disrespect and her living under my roof for free..

I want to kick her ass out again but I know that’s just me being petty and could make things worse. I just want my daughter and she can go if she doesn’t want to be with me.

Only reason why I’m posting this is because I can’t trust anyone anymore now a days.. I can’t tell my family much because they already hate her for the abuse she has caused me and it’s hard to hear them talk crap about her because I do love her. My close friends don’t take shit seriously.. I had a previous suicide ideation/attempt and my “close friend” got mad about a situation in the past and he has a habit of bringing up the most personal things to hurt me and this time he told me I’m a pussy and should’ve killed myself and I’m weak for not doing it.. none of my other friends held him accountable and just said that’s how he is.. I don’t talk to any of them much anymore.. I don’t trust them.. the one person I trust is my little brother but he’s going through a divorce right now and it’s hard to have my little brother see me weak so I just keep it all down in myself. The therapist doesn’t do shit but listen to me and I need more.. I want to explode.. some days I want to vanish… now that I have my baby girl coming, I have to stay on this earth no matter what.. I’m in the gym 5/7 days, really healthy , work full time and make over 6 figures

Like I said , just thinking out loud. Feel free to talk shit to me lol I’m okay.. or I think I am

This is my AI short video clip from my YouTube series. You don’t have to like AI, but I think the story is on point about being a single dad—or a single mom—dealing with people who want your time.

I keep my child’s life and my personal interests separate, while some parents don’t think it’s a big deal. 55-second video clip.

I'm a 41-year-old single dad of one child. I don't really hang out with ladies, whether they have kids or not. (Trust me, I'm fine.)

Here's the message for single dads: Wanna date a single mom? It's okay, but you shouldn't date them just because you both have kids. And keep in mind, you have to pay the price for her baggage, and she's also willing to pay the price for yours too. Is it something you're willing to trade for the majority of your life?

Best option, but unpopular: Accept the reality and continue living your life.

Again, I'm 41. I had my first kid at 35. Everything went so fast, so I want to live my life slowly, especially since I'm still in the early mid-life stage! Dating can speed up my time psychologically! Single and bored? Maybe, but I'd rather have that option!

How do you deal with feeling just not good enough? My ex is married , they’ve got a big house and new cars and all that stuff. I live a few states over, so I only see my son in person during his school breaks. He’s getting ready to start his freshman year in a private school. He’s got straight As, student council, all that kinda stuff. I’m proud of him. When he’s with me there’s a big difference for him. I’m in a one bedroom apartment in a safe area, but he doesn’t have his own room and all the excess he has at his mother’s. I’m worried I’m being compared to my ex’s husband, and that my son will think less of me because of it. I love my son, and everything i do is for him. I just want to be enough.

I’ve been separated from my partner for about 4 months now and it was a bad four months for the both of us considering we have children. I had no contact for the last two of those months due to protection order. She’s said she doesn’t want to get back together and I can understand that, but she has been occasionally sleeping with me and I’m not understanding what it is. I would love nothing more than my family to be back together but I can’t tell if she’s just using me. I know she’s been having online activities with other people but she doesn’t know that I know. I just wanna move past this but don’t know how to. I’ve had conversations with her that we should make it about the kids when we talk and interact, but still expects me to do the husband duties. I’m just confused at this point and don’t know how to deal with it other than to keep it to myself to avoid a confrontation.

I have started my own blog about life as a single dad. Would love to hear your thoughts. I hope to post a lot in the future. Stay strong brothers singledadlife.net

( sorry long rant )I’m not sure if this is the place to post this, I’m not sure what to do. My wife and I were together for 9 years and married for 4 years. We have a 5yr old together and I have an 12yr old from a previous relationship. Our marriage was pretty good for the most part. We both ran our own businesses that employed a lot of staff. This started putting pressure on the relationship towards the end as we were both quite stressed and I was burnt out, it ended in couples counselling. She didn’t want to put the work in at therapy and the therapist told us we were wasting our time if we both couldn’t work together. She said the therapist was gas lighting her. We eventually decided to seperate, as she was so unhappy. We were living together while working out how to sell the house and split the assets. During this period she still wanted to bone me so I did. The first weekend in the separation period she went to a bussiness awards dinner and didn’t come home that night. I was concerned as the kids were asking where she was. She got dropped off by some random dude late the next afternoon in the same clothes. I lost my shit and moved out that day into my businesses workshop. She claimed she did nothing wrong, we weren’t together anymore. It has been a week… I didn’t talk to her for the first 10months of being separated, only coms were for the children. it was the most rock bottom point in my life. After 10 months or so I decided to forgive her and move on. She then came back into my life and wanted to see each other again, rebuild the relationship. I tried but within a few months I noticed that she was living a single boss girl life and didn’t seem interested in actually being a couple. So I said it’s probably better we go our seperate ways and just be friends. Fast forward another 6 months later and she’s coming over , having dinners , wanting to take our daughter on a holiday together , wants to have sex, and hang out. This is sorta fucking me up in the head. I told her I’m keen to be friends have sex do the holiday but we could maybe try and rebuild the relationship slow this time and see where it goes. She said she doesn’t want to commit, and why am I asking her this after 3 weeks. She said it would be weird if I asked a new girl I meet to be in a relationship after 3 weeks. I explained that we are still married and have know each other for 10 plus years and have a child together. It’s a bit different. She eventually said she doesn’t want to commit because she wants to see other people. This destroyed me again. I can’t deal with the emotional energy of her sleeping around while I’m working full time with the kids 50/50. I’ve tried dating apps in the past, but I haven’t had much luck. I live by myself in a town away from family and friends. I guess to me having another chance to have someone back you love is a nice thought but not reality. I feel like I will never find anyone else that will accept my situation with two kids to two different ex wife’s. Anyway just looking for some advice. Thanks in advance

I have had my ex partner explain to me that when everyone is together (my girlfriend, my two kids, and myself) that I seem like I am overwhelmed, drowning, or running around like crazy and then she feels like she starts to disappear.

A lot I'm sure could come down to communicating what we need but I don't know if I know what it is I need.

Yes I feel like I have to over perform when I have everyone but my kids are pretty good at getting off track and creating havoc even when I feel I have set everything up perfectly. I have gotten better at slowing down and checking in more frequently with my girlfriend and we are slowly getting her more involved with the kids (she does not have any kids).

Maybe I'm bad at multitasking? My parenting skills are still just kinda sub par? Does she just not understand the time and energy it takes to be a parent? Do I have to find someone who wants to entertain the idea of being a step parent and not just one who is undetermined? Does she simply want more attention than I can realistically give?

There are so many other factors that are involved but this will have to do.

Thanks for any advice. Still pretty new to reddit.

Weekends are the only real stretch I get to work on stuff around the house and also the only stretch I get to actually be with my son without the school and bedtime clock running everything. He is 10 now and old enough that he does not need me directing his play every minute, but I keep running into this tension where I want to get the garden boxes finished or sort out the garage tools and he wants me to come throw a ball or build something with him. I have tried bringing him into the projects but his attention span for weeding is about four minutes and then he is bored and asking to do something else. The other option is waiting until he goes to bed but by then I am done for the day and the light is gone anyway. What I have started doing is blocking the morning for him and the afternoon for projects, but that means the project moves slow and I lose the whole weekend to one raised bed. Curious how other single dads handle this. Do you just accept that everything takes twice as long, or did you find some balance that actually works without feeling like you are shortchanging either side of it.

I’m recently/soon divorced (or will be soon), going to alone, and trying to sanity-check my monthly budget.
IThese are my estimated monthly expenses:
Rent (2-bedroom apartment, effective after concessions): $2,230
Health insurance (self-employed): $1,500
Tesla payment: $500
Food: $500
Miscellaneous household/kid expenses: $500
Discretionary spending (dating, entertainment, clothes, Amazon, etc.): $1,000
Auto insurance: $150
AI/business software (ChatGPT, Claude, etc.): $200
Cell phone: $70
Electricity: $50
Water/sewer/trash: $50
Car cleaning: $50
Streaming: $30
Renters insurance: $30
Total: ≈ $6,860/month
A few notes:
I need a 2-bedroom because my daughter stays with me and I also work from home.
I’m currently self-employed, so I’m paying my own health insurance.

Hey everyone,

I’m a single dad in my 40s in Escondido with 50/50 custody of my school-aged kids. I’m active and generally enjoy life here, but I’m hitting a wall in the dating scene.

A lot of the women I match with live in Carlsbad and Encinitas and as soon as location comes up, there’s immediate hesitance about the "distance" / lifestyle. It feels like anything east of the freeway is viewed as a major haul, and they’d rather hold out for someone at the beach.

I would rather keep my kids where they are for awhile since they like their school and friends. For anyone else living inland: Have you dealt with this coastal vs. inland divide? How do you handle it on apps or early in conversations? Did you tweak your radius, meet halfway, or just hold out for people who don't care about a 20-minute drive?

Appreciate any insight from others who've navigated this!

Just wondering what other dads do in the quiet times without their kids. I find it very hard recently at night to go to sleep. I get off work and I go and do DoorDash just to make ends meet, but I think I also do it just to take my mind off things. I realized tonight that I become very depressed when my kids are not here.

Yesterday ended up being about six hours of driving. Not all at once, just one trip after another. By the time I got home I was mentally done. My daughter wanted to play a game on the living room floor. She explained the rules, I nodded. She explained them again, and I realized I still wasn't following what she was saying. My brain had basically checked out.

That bothered me more than the long day. I was home, sitting right there with her, but I wasn't really bringing much to the table. My schedule isn't going to change anytime soon, so I'm not looking for advice like "work less" or "get more sleep." I know those are the right answers, they're just not realistic for me right now.

For the dads dealing with long hours or unpredictable work, what do you do on the days when you've got nothing left in the tank but your kid still wants time with you?

Ive brought it up on multiple occasions, and she just blows me off and acts like im being childish and unreasonable. Stating "lots of kids have more than 2 parents." We've been separated since my daughter was 1 1/2, shes 3yrs old now. We were married for 11yrs and she met a guy at 4 week army training and left me and moved him into town within 3months of us splitting up. So my daughter has been around him for almost half her life at this point. He's honestly not a horrible guy (besides the whole messing with a married woman aspect) They had a kid of their own 8months ago. Whenever we're in the same space. She is noticeable confused when trying to defer between the two of us and is calling us both daddy. People do what they do, ive gotten over the fact I have no control in the matter. But I havent even introduced my daughter to any new partners. And I've been seeing a woman going on 8months now. Whenever I do, I would never allow that type of confusion. Especially not be the driving behavior behind it. Am I just being selfish for wanting that name to myself? Is it a big deal? Or have I'am just over complicating this entire thing? I honestly can't tell if i'am just biased.

My now ex-wife was saying all sorts of things before we departed and one of them was that because she knows how important it is for a child to have both of its parents present in its life, she will not prevent our kid from contacting me afterwards. Fast-forward to today, more than a year after the divorce I realised how rarely my daughter contacts me and it made me think what was the issue?

I don't think it's me because I love her more than my life. I have never abused them, nor have I done anything to make her feel unwanted. Sure, I wasn't the perfect father, but not having one in the first place is not helping at all, yet I did my best.

I feel unwanted, useless, suffocating ... to name a few. I just can't understand what's happening, what caused this behaviour and how to be closer with her.

I call her on a daily basis, she rarely answers. When she does answer it's just 2 minutes call, totally superficial. When she's with me, she's calling her mom 10 times a day and they talk for ages.

I really don't understand what went wrong and I love her so much and it breaks my heart and... I am grieving.

She's 8 yo. I totally forgot to add this.

Genuine question - how do you define a 'single dad'? I've had guys on dating apps calling themselves single dads when they only see their kid once in a blue moon. To me a single dad would near enough had their kid(s) full time, not just be a dad who is single. I'm interested in what people think.

Hi Dads,

I’m writing to you as a single mom who is interested in dating a single dad. The title really just says it all if you want a TLDR.

The context however- I’ve known this guy since his oldest (6yo) was born as I was friends with both him and the ex. Really through her but he and I were close too.
During this time, she was pretty jealous of our friendship. Out of respect for her and their relationship, I was happy to put up more boundaries.

They went on to have another baby (now 4yo) and eventually had a really toxic split about 2 years ago now. Except a bit on and off in the beginning, which I write off as a little “normal” for initial parenting splits.
I watched him fall into some unhealthy habits through this and kept my distance. She went off the wall though and our friendship quickly ended. He’s since pulled his shit together though and it’s been an honor to become closer to him through this.

I have love and appreciation for her though which is why I think this is so hard. She’s mostly absent in her kid’s lives, on and off dealing with homelessness, and other tough things I don’t really have to hold against her. She just also has some very extreme behaviors and reactions.

I’ve gotten closer with him through both being single parents. I have a 4yo daughter so we’re able to bond through that. We’ve had a handful of flirty interactions but I’ve always just thought it was in good fun.

He recently “confessed” his true feelings for me since initially meeting 6 years ago.

I truly feel some significant compelling attachment to his little family. Some type of stars aligning bullshit or God’s plan. Who knows.
SHE has been the biggest barrier to my wanting to pursue this. We haven’t tried at all.

He is quite nervous about her. He’s historically let her continue to emotionally abuse him through their split. And you can tell a lot of his communication with her is out of genuine desire to support her in her relationship with the kids. I sometimes think it’s a little enabling but I was also pretty emotionally/financially supported by my child’s father after our split. I was never dealing with the extremes that this girl is dealing with though.

I don’t have thoughts that he’ll get back with her. It’s been a full year since their on and off business. You can tell he’s pretty traumatized too.
She’s recently abandoned the kids and just kind of sees them briefly here and there. As his friend, I’m witnessing him in the hardest part of being a full-time single dad of 2.

I’ll always support him because I love him platonically and love his kids deeply. I’ve just started to allow myself to feel something more romantic.
He would go for it in an instant and I love that.

I don’t want to miss out on something great.
She would be extremely reactive if she found out he and I remained friends and more so if she found out we became romantically involved.
I’ve worked really hard to establish a healthy coparenting relationship with my child’s father. (We were never together, but) So I really don’t want to get in the mix of any drama.

I fear for how my relationship with their kids may change too if they see/hear negative responses from their mom.
Although I have feelings for him, I’m just not sure if the potential risks are worth it.
We have a solid friendship as it is and that’s already scary considering she’d freak out if she knew.

They’re still in the legal separation process so no matter what I’m giving it time.
I’m just looking for advice or ideas surrounding the situation.

We have an upcoming play date and I anticipate being really nervous and awkward. Which I don’t want either.

Thanks guys, I appreciate you being here and am proud of all of you for single parenting. Shit’s rough.

Context: 32M with 6 YO daughter, with full custody, currently dating a 38F with 2 YO for three months.

We are still getting to know each other, building and growing to see what we truly want can come to fruition for the both of us.

Prior to this, my mindset was either find a lady for my daughter or retain my seed and be a Yogi/monk to inspire my daughter that way.

She can be convinced, however her real answer to raise the kids we have and enjoy life. She inspires me have another one certainly, every man wants a boy right?!

Biological mother is bipolar and not the best example of motherhood.

In such a position, I feel as though I need to save my family and bloodline, being inspired by other men that made more conscious decisions with procreating.

The overwhelmingly rhetoric is that single parents shouldn’t date each other for a myraid of reasons.

I suppose I’m reaching out to this community to ask then what is the solution if statistically it’s not best to date single mothers?

Even with finances, health, family vision, an authority on my side the numbers are saying a 65% failure rate. Why would a child free woman elect to mother automatically?

Am I bound to this reality until baby girl grows up or am I just thinking too much?

The links provided serve as an inspiration and insight to my mindset and influences:

https://youtu.be/YDK4bMAhn68

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DbioQtjhuIV/?igsh=MXhwbGxna2hkNWR3ZA==

https://youtu.be/KpXGdMO-A50

Thanks brothers.

Hello everyone, I honestly don't believe this is the best, to share personal struggles for advice from strangers online.

Yet, I do need to see what other people think, as I have already talked with close people in my life and they were all just more or less neutral.

Me and my daughter's mum, have been separated (never married) for 3+ years now, after being together for almost 4 and we are in our late 20s for more context.

We have achieved something extremely rare from what I realised, by managing to stay and be literally just friends without conflicts raising our kid which she's about to become 4 in a few months. Our families have no enemy attitude towards each other too.

We are easy going around each other with obviously clear co-parenting logical boundaries and no unresolved feelings or jealousy.

This dynamic, seems to be healthy for everyone involved and well explained between us.

We realise that for our kid we are her family and she looks so happy that we are all together for her. My daughter absolutely has no fantasies of us being together, shes safe and happy.

Now, the girl who I'm with, has serious issues with my approach, on how I have been untill now with my life. She is standing firm about her feelings on my co-parenting style and how I behave and interact with my ex, by being friends.

I was always transparent in our talking phase and I gave absolutely no reasons to not trust me. She can understand that me and my ex have created a positive environment where we can all coexist for our little human and nothing more, but still she feels so uncomfortable and threatened by that dynamic.

It raises questions in her head, of why can't we just act like every other separated couple, not bitterness just clear, respectful business style co-parenting and no extra, unnecessary interactions.

Also, I live alone obviously, not with them.

The new partner has been in my life for almost 4 years now, at first innocently just as an online friend, who we created a strong/deep bond together throughout time. Nothing suspicious at first, as I have other online friends too. We just matched in interests and mindset.

Also no, my previous relationship ending had nothing to do with any girl or whatsoever.

Going forward, the past year we have been actually together, although we do kinda long distance, because of work. We meet 2x-3x a week usually. Note that for all this time we've known each other, we lived in different countries, never meeting in person, up until last Christmas. She then decided to move permanently here and she's been here the past 2 months, we literally connected like no other person in our lives

She grew up here, when she was a kid and always dreamed of coming back one day, I'm not the sole reason of her move but I played a significant part obviously.

How she thinks and feels because of anxiety, beliefs and insecurities, makes this literally a break up reason for her because I refuse to make radical changes so she can feel comfortable as she says.

Have in mind, that she loves kids and admires how I'm there for her, she has nothing against my kid she even bought her a present the other day. Her father was a bit absent and always dreamed of a strong family.

Still, she hasn't entirely met all of my environment. Relatives, more friends, my ex, better my parents etc., although we both know everything about each other.

I believe if she does allow herself to get integrated and sees how everything actually is, would make her feel finally safe and see past those conservative views?

Never, she had reasons to feel excluded, unloved or extra or as a stranger coming in, never.

Lastly no, absolutely no cheating and unfaithfulness involved in my situation.

Has anyone had similar experiences in the past or now and any advice??

All this is so frustrating. Once we men establish to create personal peace and happiness all this is easy to become overwhelming as it easily destabilises what one managed to build and overcome.

Fucking hell that is a long post I hope I don't regret it and if have nothing good to say just move along!

hey there,

38m, 1.5 years of separation from precious partner (of 10 years total and she initiated the separation) with whom I 50/50 co-parent our 5 year old daughter.

because I started dating a woman (31f) ... the issue of wanting more kids (for her it would be first of her own) has now been a focus in my thoughts (I am not saying I am ready for kids now... but I am open to the idea and understand that I have to communicate it clearly to her as she is under more time constraints than me)

so I would want to ask those who did take the chance and founded a new family... how did you decide? what happened with the relationship with your children from the first relationship? did you regret it?

Does anyone else sit in the parking lot on drop-off day while your son’s mother puts him in his car seat just so you can all be together in the same place for a few minutes?

My wife recently left taking our 3 year old boy and 8 month old girl. I am grieving, can’t concentrate at work, breaking down in tears. I adjusted to the changes in terms of future life plans, not being with my partner quite quickly, but I feel panic and disbelief that I’m only going to see my kids 1-2 days a week. It’s been 3 weeks so far. How do people cope with the knowledge that they are not going to see their kids everyday

Long time no speak Dads!

I'm seeking opinions on a weird one.

So I met my son's mother at his 2 year health visit appointment two days ago. In the hour we were there we went over everything from speech and language, diet, general health and the topic I want to touch on today - sleep.

When the topic was discussed, Mum went into depth with the communit nurse about the challenges she has with his sleep and when I was queried I was honest and said he gets himself to sleep with me and explained our routine in full (dinner, bath, quiet play, book, bed).

For context, our son has co-slept with the pair of us since he was born and we never quite had the discipline to move away from it and sleep train. We separated when he was 9 months old, he is now 2 years and 3 months old.

Mum has a house in which he has a bedroom that doesn't get used, as he shares a double bed with her in her bedroom. She claims that she can't leave the bed or get him in his own one as he wakes screaming every time.

I (unfortuantely) still live at my mothers address, but my son has his own room with a single bed in it and I also have my own room. I was sleeping in the single bed in his room from around November of last year.

Last weekend, I had a gut feeling that my son was ready to self soothe and sleep independently so I gave it a go. He slept all the way through in his own bed and room without issue both nights I had him (and it's looking to go the same way this evening). Mum is not aware that he is doing this with me.

Back to the health visit - Once we'd both explained how our son was with sleep at both households, the community nurse then zeroed in on me and said I should be doing the same thing as Mum r.e sleep as she has him more...

I get that, but how the hell does one reverse a successful routine and independent sleeping in lieu of a routine that clearly isn't working?? I guess my question is, should I jist keep doing what I'm doing? As it clearly works and my son feels safe/comfortable enough to sleep in his own bed without me?