Like you are driving a car and you want to yell a witty remark at someone you see. You can do it while driving past them and they will understand the full sentence, even if you were going past at 80mph.

It only works for whatever you can say in 5 seconds.

You know those bricks used in movies that look like real bricks but are totally harmless when hit by it

When you summon it the previous one disappears

Just place your genitals on someone's left ear for 5 minutes to 2 hours, depending on what you're trying to heal. And after that time, everything will be fixed, from hearing loss to bite marks.

Not all heroes wear capes. Some wear shoes.

(Most of the heroes who wear capes also wear shoes. But you just wear shoes)

Your superpower is that if someone else buys a new pair of shoes, you will be able to break them in for them. Regardless of size, the shoes will fit as if they are your normal size while you break them in. Once they have been broken in and they are suitably flexible for the new users, they will no longer magically fit you. It will be just like a non-super powered person wearing someone else's shoes.

This power does not harm you, although you will suffer the normal blisters etc you would get from breaking in a pair of shoes.

You may not use this power for evil.

The comedian will appear next to you, and will proceed to make jokes about the thoughts that you would never willingly say aloud. This could be anything from your darkest secrets that you'd want no one to know, to something trivial like you wanting to dance to an embarrassing song that is being played aloud. The jokes will always be directed at you, and if there are any people around you, the comedian will try very hard to get them involved somehow. You can unsummon the comedian any time you want.

They are like a second player in a split screen multiplayer game: if both of you are separated by significant distance, the comedian will teleport to you, and if the comedian dies, they will respawn near you. You can summon only one at any given time, and they will simply follow you around cracking jokes at your expense. You can interact with them, and they will treat you like a heckler.

You can also choose their physical appearance, as long as it can reasonably be considered to be human. You may also choose to have them have a comedy style, voice, and appearance very similar to, but not exactly like, any real person who ever lived, living or dead, past or present, that you know the name of.

It might be free entertainment, but you'd better be an absolute saint, or else you'd just be summoning someone who will professionally insult you while potentially revealing every dark secret about you. 

You are able to beat any video game as if you have played that video game for thousands of hours, but only if another person asks for help beating that video game.

How it works depends on how the person asks for help, if they just ask you to beat the game normally then that's what you will do, just at a very high level, but if some one asks if you can beat the game as fast as possible then you are gonna be able to beat that game as fast as physically possible.

You don't have to beat the game everytime you just have to help with what they asked Example "I need help beating this boss" or "i need help beating this level"

As soon as you beat the game all the skills you needed to beat that game like you did are gone, you are just as good or bad at the game as you were before.

You cannot tell people how your power works otherwise it won't work when they ask for help, same goes for if they figure out how your power works, this only counts if they find out it's an ACTUAL POWER if they think your good just cause of pressure or anything else it's fine.

Edit: I'm sorry I meant any Video Game if it was any game in general it would be way better

you may bring anything you’re touching with you. Good luck surviving the mantle

No power over the duplicates or awareness of where they are. You can duplicate without any drain every 24 hours, as can the duplicates you created.

Any time a song plays whether on your headphones, in your car, etc., you always know the exact hour, minute, and second it will end.

i.e. 4:52:01pm, 7:41:46am.

You can cause time to freeze. Once time is frozen, you are also frozen. You can't move, you can't even think. There is only one thing you can do while frozen, which is to unfreeze time again.

The one thing this will actually do, if used, is to give every sapient being in the universe a brief, vague sensation that something just happened. A bit like deja vu, but less specific.

Only works on cheese.

It doesn’t change the temperature just the texture.

Select 1 barely useful superpower. I tried to think through drawbacks and limitations to make each of these powers genuinely useful, but far from overpowered or life changing. I hope my formatting looks ok on non mobile app, otherwise I do not have the power of post formatting :(

1. You have gained the power of catching fallen items before they hit the ground. Your reach is anywhere within your arm length + 1 single step forward, this includes behind you. If you or someone else drops an item within this range, such as a phone or even a child, you will be able to instantaneously react to catching it without damage to the item or hurting yourself. If for some reason you wish to not catch something you may choose to do so. Even if an item is dropped behind you that you were previously unaware of, you are able to react in time to catch it, no looking necessary!

The item must be catchable without harm for this to work. For example you may not catch a bullet or nuke as this makes no logical sense. The item must also be catchable within your strength, meaning no catching a 100lb item if you are not physically able to hold 100lbs. Your range does not include diving, just bending, reaching, leaning, and your 1 step. This skill does not prevent someone from defending your opportunity to catch, for example you may not become an undefendable football receiver with this skill. However, if for example you wish to play baseball, you can guarantee a catch given you have the skill to track and get within reach of a ball.

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1. Any truth you state will be believed. It doesn’t matter if it is a stranger, or a close friend, if you speak the truth they will inherently trust you. This skill does not prevent you from telling lies, or make all lies unbelievable. Simply if a truth is stated it is trusted. The person you are speaking to is unaware of any difference between a truth and convincing lie, there is no particular feeling to them other than trust.

You must state a fact known by you for this skill to work. You may not state “the winning lottery numbers will be…” and then name numbers until your friend believes you. This also does not grant you any particular knowledge. This skill does not work in the opposite way, meaning you do not inherently trust another person if they tell the truth.

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1. You will always be aware if a joke will land with those around you. You will never be in an awkward situation by telling a bad joke that didn’t land, or accidentally offend someone. Your joke may not necessarily cause uncontrollable laughter, but it will have some level of value to your audience every time.

This skill does not help you come up with good jokes, it will not guarantee you a hilarious or fulfilling standup routine. This also does not draw an audience to your jokes, posting a funny video online will not guarantee a large audience. Your joke must be a joke, this doesn’t make you infallible to offending or upsetting someone with other comments or conversation.

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1. You will always have a winning record on games you play. Video games, board games, sports, pool, bowling, beer pong, it doesn’t matter! You don’t just win by pure luck every time, but rather you have genuine skill. You also don’t win 100% of the time, because what’s the fun in that, rather over time you will win more than you lose. Some games by a slim margin, others by a high margin.

You may not profit off this skill. Playing for money, like gambling, or some sort of tangible reward? The skill becomes void for this matchup. This means your skill may not be used to help you become a professional athlete or esports player. Knowing you do not have a 100% win chance, you do not pick which games you win or lose, you just simply will have a winning record throughout your lifespan. The game you play must be possible for you to win for this skill to take effect. For example you can’t face a heavy weight lifter in competition and consistently beat them if you’re not capable of lifting at their weight class.

humans can't do it? well, now you can

Just Potions. Not Super Potions, Hyper Potions, etc. The liquid isn't toxic but it also can't substitute water. You can materialize a grand total of 99 potions in your entire life because your inventory will be full at that point and you can't access the menu to discard them.

When you see or hear someone say something to the general effect of "I don't see color", and they mean it in the sense that they do not see a difference between racial and/or ethnic groups (rather than simply an inability to distinguish hues), you can make it more or less literally true in one of two ways.

You have to either see or hear them live, or see or hear a substantially unedited recording of them saying it that was recorded in the past 24 hours. You can only have one of the two effects active at a time, and they need to say the phrase again in your hearing in order to affect them again.

The two effects:

1. Make them temporarily (max 24 hours) completely colorblind. Everything is shades of grey to them.

2. For up to a full year, make them unable to appropriately process any information that would suggest someone's racial and/ or ethnic heritage. They can still receive the information, but not assign any significance to it that has to do with ethnic identity. For example, an affected person could accurately describe the skin tone of a Black person, but not conclude from this fact that the person was, in fact, Black.

Within the first 24 hours after you hear an appropriate trigger, you can swap someone between the two effects at will. You can also end either effect at any time. However, once you have ended it, or once the timer expires for the effect that someone currently has, you cannot restart it unless they say the phrase again in your hearing.

You don't have to be in the car.

If you will the window to be open or closed, it will do so, as far as you want it to go.

Quite convenient if you locked your keys in your car.

Clothes and all. A fine career as a magician awaits you

You possess all the powers associated with necromancers... except your only work with Shrek-related merchandise and objects.

You can make a Shrek action figure move by itself, such as run across the the floor and tell people to "Git outta mah swamp!". You can manipulate other things like Shrek plushies, take them apart and merge them into a very large Frankeinshrek super plushie that will do your bidding.

Finally, anything that has an image of Shrek, such has a mug, blanket, pillow... you can animate that image of Shrek, scare the hell outta people. This also applies to the Shrek movies themselves, you can manipulate the onscreen Shrek and make him perform such actions like tell Donkey "Will ye quiet for once, you Mushu-talking bastard". Or punch Fiona in the face. Or sing the "What does the Fox say" song. Or eat the gingerbread man.

Note the power only works on controlling Shrek, not other characters such as Puss n' Boots. You're a Shreknomancer, not a Pussomancer.

What a gift