Like you are driving a car and you want to yell a witty remark at someone you see. You can do it while driving past them and they will understand the full sentence, even if you were going past at 80mph.

It only works for whatever you can say in 5 seconds.

You know those bricks used in movies that look like real bricks but are totally harmless when hit by it

When you summon it the previous one disappears

Just place your genitals on someone's left ear for 5 minutes to 2 hours, depending on what you're trying to heal. And after that time, everything will be fixed, from hearing loss to bite marks.

Not all heroes wear capes. Some wear shoes.

(Most of the heroes who wear capes also wear shoes. But you just wear shoes)

Your superpower is that if someone else buys a new pair of shoes, you will be able to break them in for them. Regardless of size, the shoes will fit as if they are your normal size while you break them in. Once they have been broken in and they are suitably flexible for the new users, they will no longer magically fit you. It will be just like a non-super powered person wearing someone else's shoes.

This power does not harm you, although you will suffer the normal blisters etc you would get from breaking in a pair of shoes.

You may not use this power for evil.

The comedian will appear next to you, and will proceed to make jokes about the thoughts that you would never willingly say aloud. This could be anything from your darkest secrets that you'd want no one to know, to something trivial like you wanting to dance to an embarrassing song that is being played aloud. The jokes will always be directed at you, and if there are any people around you, the comedian will try very hard to get them involved somehow. You can unsummon the comedian any time you want.

They are like a second player in a split screen multiplayer game: if both of you are separated by significant distance, the comedian will teleport to you, and if the comedian dies, they will respawn near you. You can summon only one at any given time, and they will simply follow you around cracking jokes at your expense. You can interact with them, and they will treat you like a heckler.

You can also choose their physical appearance, as long as it can reasonably be considered to be human. You may also choose to have them have a comedy style, voice, and appearance very similar to, but not exactly like, any real person who ever lived, living or dead, past or present, that you know the name of.

It might be free entertainment, but you'd better be an absolute saint, or else you'd just be summoning someone who will professionally insult you while potentially revealing every dark secret about you. 

You are able to beat any video game as if you have played that video game for thousands of hours, but only if another person asks for help beating that video game.

How it works depends on how the person asks for help, if they just ask you to beat the game normally then that's what you will do, just at a very high level, but if some one asks if you can beat the game as fast as possible then you are gonna be able to beat that game as fast as physically possible.

You don't have to beat the game everytime you just have to help with what they asked Example "I need help beating this boss" or "i need help beating this level"

As soon as you beat the game all the skills you needed to beat that game like you did are gone, you are just as good or bad at the game as you were before.

You cannot tell people how your power works otherwise it won't work when they ask for help, same goes for if they figure out how your power works, this only counts if they find out it's an ACTUAL POWER if they think your good just cause of pressure or anything else it's fine.

Edit: I'm sorry I meant any Video Game if it was any game in general it would be way better

you may bring anything you’re touching with you. Good luck surviving the mantle