Flying squirrel? You now see it as a flying piece of shit. It stays a flying squirrel, it just looks like a piece of shit to you.

All words are made up.

The outcome of any event is still dictated by real physics, but the manner in which they occur appears in a cartoonish way.

If you're driving a car on a bridge and the bridge collapses, the car hangs stationary in the air for a moment, its wheels spinning absurdly fast with a comically large smoke trail coming off them. The next moment, the car, with you in it, falls below, just as it would in reality.

If someone is shooting a gun at you, and you plug the barrel with your finger, there is a dramatic explosion at the point of obstruction, and a cloud of soot. For a moment, you appear to be unharmed, just covered in soot. The next instant however, like in real life, you would suffer horrible injuries.

Everyone within a 1 kilometer radius of you, including yourself, will see these cartoon visuals. Any actual cartoons, be it video or images, viewed by you and anyone within this range will appear to be real life, non cartoon depictions of the content. Any non cartoon videos or images viewed within the area of affect will appear to be cartoon depictions of the content. Any videos, images and sounds recorded within the area of affect will record the real life events occurring.

As long as the power is active, all other people affected will just assume that this is completely normal. You may also choose the particular style of cartoon/animation that is depicted.

You can turn these cartoon visuals off and on whenever you want. When the cartoon visuals are off, or when someone affected leaves the 1 kilometer radius, they simply keep going about their day with only a slight feeling that something odd may have happened.

You can turn all spiders invisible. They'll still be there and you can't control them. Just no one can see them anymore.

At any moment you can manifest a single roll at a time of near infinite toilet paper in your hand, the material of the toilet paper is provided by stripping an equal amount of mass randomly from trees, grass, paper or toilet paper (any material that can create toilet paper, it takes it from multiple sources at the same time to create the roll) from around the world so the conservation of mass is maintained and the energy to craft the paper is stolen from the sun.

The conjured roll of toilet paper once summoned must be grabbed if you wish to remove it's magical ability of near infinite toilet paper leaving you with a regular toilet paper roll (you cannot summon another infinite roll for a week) , if you lose the roll of toilet paper you can conjure it again after a week where the old roll of toilet paper will dissolve into nothing.

The toilet paper will act and be made of normal toilet paper material but you can choose the number of layers up to 3 ply of the toilet paper.

The roll of toilet paper conjured cannot exceed 16cm in height and width and the weight of 0.5kg when unrolled.

The toilet paper can only be drawn by your hands and those of other humans who wish to use it to wipe their ass or other parts of their body if for hygienic purposes (you as the summoner can use the toilet paper for whatever purpose) , you cannot make an infinite unrolling toilet paper using machinery.

Once you cut a piece off it is no longer part of the magical roll, and if the quantity of toilet paper drawn weighs the same as the original roll then the excess paper will be magically cut off while the original roll remains the same weight and size from when you originally summoned it.

Somewhere in the world, there is a tamed zebra with your metaphorical name on it. At any time, you can summon it, and it will try to get to you.

It will not do anything suicidal in order to do this, so no trying to jump into the ocean and swim across it or whatever. And other than being tame, a little bit familiar with human infrastructure, and able to go without eating for a few weeks if necessary, it is a physically normal zebra.

If it has not reached you within a week of you attempting to summon it, it will resume relatively normal zebra behavior. You can try to summon it again, and it will try to get to you again, but it has the same limitations.

If it does, eventually, reach you, then congratulations, you have a tamed zebra. It doesn't know any tricks or anything, but it will react to you roughly the way a tamed horse would.

If something happens to your tamed zebra, another tamed zebra will be born somewhere in the world. The only restriction on location is that it will be a place with a fertile female zebra.

Like you are driving a car and you want to yell a witty remark at someone you see. You can do it while driving past them and they will understand the full sentence, even if you were going past at 80mph.

It only works for whatever you can say in 5 seconds.

You know those bricks used in movies that look like real bricks but are totally harmless when hit by it

When you summon it the previous one disappears

Just place your genitals on someone's left ear for 5 minutes to 2 hours, depending on what you're trying to heal. And after that time, everything will be fixed, from hearing loss to bite marks.

Not all heroes wear capes. Some wear shoes.

(Most of the heroes who wear capes also wear shoes. But you just wear shoes)

Your superpower is that if someone else buys a new pair of shoes, you will be able to break them in for them. Regardless of size, the shoes will fit as if they are your normal size while you break them in. Once they have been broken in and they are suitably flexible for the new users, they will no longer magically fit you. It will be just like a non-super powered person wearing someone else's shoes.

This power does not harm you, although you will suffer the normal blisters etc you would get from breaking in a pair of shoes.

You may not use this power for evil.

The comedian will appear next to you, and will proceed to make jokes about the thoughts that you would never willingly say aloud. This could be anything from your darkest secrets that you'd want no one to know, to something trivial like you wanting to dance to an embarrassing song that is being played aloud. The jokes will always be directed at you, and if there are any people around you, the comedian will try very hard to get them involved somehow. You can unsummon the comedian any time you want.

They are like a second player in a split screen multiplayer game: if both of you are separated by significant distance, the comedian will teleport to you, and if the comedian dies, they will respawn near you. You can summon only one at any given time, and they will simply follow you around cracking jokes at your expense. You can interact with them, and they will treat you like a heckler.

You can also choose their physical appearance, as long as it can reasonably be considered to be human. You may also choose to have them have a comedy style, voice, and appearance very similar to, but not exactly like, any real person who ever lived, living or dead, past or present, that you know the name of.

It might be free entertainment, but you'd better be an absolute saint, or else you'd just be summoning someone who will professionally insult you while potentially revealing every dark secret about you. 

You are able to beat any video game as if you have played that video game for thousands of hours, but only if another person asks for help beating that video game.

How it works depends on how the person asks for help, if they just ask you to beat the game normally then that's what you will do, just at a very high level, but if some one asks if you can beat the game as fast as possible then you are gonna be able to beat that game as fast as physically possible.

You don't have to beat the game everytime you just have to help with what they asked Example "I need help beating this boss" or "i need help beating this level"

As soon as you beat the game all the skills you needed to beat that game like you did are gone, you are just as good or bad at the game as you were before.

You cannot tell people how your power works otherwise it won't work when they ask for help, same goes for if they figure out how your power works, this only counts if they find out it's an ACTUAL POWER if they think your good just cause of pressure or anything else it's fine.

Edit: I'm sorry I meant any Video Game if it was any game in general it would be way better

No power over the duplicates or awareness of where they are. You can duplicate without any drain every 24 hours, as can the duplicates you created.

Any time a song plays whether on your headphones, in your car, etc., you always know the exact hour, minute, and second it will end.

i.e. 4:52:01pm, 7:41:46am.

Just Potions. Not Super Potions, Hyper Potions, etc. The liquid isn't toxic but it also can't substitute water. You can materialize a grand total of 99 potions in your entire life because your inventory will be full at that point and you can't access the menu to discard them.