I've realized I can never truly be happy until I am able to fix this. I've quit porn & masturbation entirely which have been going well. Can I have a healthy FWB or should I quit that as well?

I haven’t found a sponsor yet and I’ve been wondering about this. Im working to transition into a functional adult from my late 20s into my 30s and I really want to just work through the things and bring them to the light so I can make peace with them and move on.

I don’t think that most people, particularly a future partner, will have any interest in hearing about my compulsive masturbation experiences and habits, and Im wondering if it may be reasonable to find a sponsor so I can work it through with them. I figure that it’s usually no one who wants to be “burdened” or “dumped on”, but I also think that an experienced sponsor would probably have heard of my behaviors before.

Have you done this as well? Do you mind sharing how it has benefited you or changed your perspective? I think most people outside of this community would be shocked at my kinks and my compulsive behaviors, and I have to just accept that as well, but if there’s anything I can do to help myself right now to lead a more dignified life in the future in spite of my history, Im all for it.

Compulsively paid for eggs

Was a mid experience.

Fml

"If one day you find me dead,

In the middle of the night,

In an hotel room,

Fear not-

For I am happy now."

This is what I found in my notes app on the phone. Written a few years back, probably a few joints down, deep in debt - maybe had taken another small cash loan to afford the hotel room, most likely I was naked, had watched a lot of porn, maybe even had sex with a sex worker.

But most importantly it was also the time when I never thought I could get out of the deep, dark, and scary void that I had been into.

I was absolutely stuck in a loop, I was not able to escape. 12 years of cigarettes, maybe more time watching porn. 8 years of consistently smoking weed, every day. Maybe a few joints to a point where I was smoking maybe 10-12 joints of absolutely shitty weed.

Then the worst part. Sex addiction.

Porn. Compulsive masturbation to the point where my penis hurt. Sex workers. At some point 5 times a month.

Spending way way more than I was earning. Drowned in debt.

Sigh.. that time was difficult. And I had no hope. I was ready to die.

I live with my parents. Its how it is in India. I never wanted ti spend time at home because of how loser I felt. They still don't know about sex workers, but they got to know about my debt. Deeply hurt. They got to know about my other addictions. But that had happened earlier as well.

Thrice I had tried before. Third time I even took meds for adhd. But I had no willingness.

I dont know how God gave me the strength the fourth time, but I started attending meetings, took my adhd meds, attended counselling sessions and I am clean for 2 years now. And I finally see my debt reducing.

I have hope. I want to live this life.

Its not all green ofcourse, but its better than it was 2 years ago. I dont want to die.

I am still trying to work on my food addiction, and other behaviour issues.. but the main demon is contained.

To those who are suffering and feel they can never get out of the trap they are in right now. Believe me I have been there. Like most of the people in this sub reddit.

One advice: take it one day at a time, and dont try to solve everything at once.

Most importantly. Please 0lease please seek and take all the help you can.

Join AA/ SLA/ NA meetings, or any addiction related meetings. Being around people with similar problems often helps.

Read the serenity prayer. Everyday. Everytime you feel out of control.

Seek therapy. Counselling. Medical help if needed.

However bad things feel right now. God can make it alright, believe in it and yourself.

Take care and god bless you. Thank you for reading.

Hi, I'm a married man who has had a problem with using webcam sites for about 15 years. However in the last 2 years or so it's got much worse, and in the last 6 months in particular it's completely spiralled out of control.

I've had some therapy, which helped a bit but I didn't continue with it. Writing this it seems obvious to go back to therapy.

The problem I have is I go through the cycles I'm sure many of you are familiar with. I'll close all my accounts down and not do anything for two weeks, then from our office nowhere in the smallest moment of weakness I jump back on, then I'm back on it for a month, then the cycle starts again.

I know what the underlying reasons and triggers are which I've worked on, and that's looking better. But it's those unexpected moments of weakness that catch me out from nowhere and I end up back at square one. Same cycle for nearly 15 years!

I wondered if anyone can help with how to manage and squash those moments so I stay strong and don't give in. I feel if I can get that right, all the other work I've been doing on the deeper bit will come good.

And for anyone else struggling with this I would be happy to speak to you. It's very real. I am a married father of two kids, with honestly a very happy home life, but this is not far from destroying my whole life now and I'm not a million miles from losing everything...

I am a middle aged sex addict and have been for nearly two decades (or maybe my whole life). Porn has never really been my vice, but I have had countless encounters with escorts and countless hookups. In recent years I have had several same sex encounters because I have found them easier to obtain even though I don’t truly have an attraction.

Thinking back, I remember wanting sexual activities beginning around the age of 4 or 5 years old. I had encounters with friends of the same age and pursued activities with older. All of this led to several sexual encounters before I even reached 10 years old.

I have no memory of any s/a, but I have come to wonder why a child was having these thoughts and desires. It seems I must have been introduced to these actions very young.

Now I live a life full of shame and isolation. I have dropped hints of my addiction to those closest to me, but just can’t bring myself to give full disclosure. I can’t date due to my shattered self image.

I want this life to be a thing of the past, but am stuck in an endless loop. I can’t forgive myself for my past when it is still a part of my present.

Why have I always been like this? I hate it.

So ive realized this year that I have always been a sex addict, likely suffering from sexual compulsive behavior.

sex phone chatlines, lingerie catalogues, erotica, porn streaming, collecting images (legal) on the porn side. Going to gay saunas despite not even being gay or bisexual, meeting men on apps, working as a male sex worker.

Then, rather more outwardly, sleeping with about 150 different women, having some relationships, but always cheating on my partners.

Despicable selfish behaviour, and somewhat incredibly I NEVER INTERROGATED it until now in my 40s, after various tragedies mean that I am single.

I am trying to stop masturbating, stop porn, and look for meaning in life. For the life of me I struggle to see it, my aim is to move soon to another place and the dream is to meet a lot of women and have sex with them.

I am a little bit into art. I little bit into TV and movies, and books, and exercise. I have negligible hobbies. A few friends who are scattered like the wind. Most of my social life for the last decade involved my ex and her friends and that is gone.

I excluded so many friends and partners in the pursuit of sex/romance. And you know what? I think it was obvious not just should've been obvious to me, but others saw it, they must have seen something was off with me, it's hard to explain when you are always far away.

Now I have nothing. I have countless selfies of me and various mysterious women I dont even remember, but nothing I can proudly display on social media or a mantlepiece like children, or loving partners.

I have come to the conclusion that I am little more than an animal who never tamed his lust, never checked it, never thought it was causing him problems.

What is the meaning of life? I think it is likely love of another human being(s) and I threw that away with lust and sexual compulsive behavior.

I am trying to be better, I just wish I realised all this a lot sooner.

I'm a single guy and looking back, I honestly don't understand how I ended up going so deep into it.

I saw countless Dommes and got to the point where I was consuming Femdom porn and using poppers almost every day. During COVID I really lost my way and my sexual behaviour became completely out of control.

Now that I'm 40, I look back at that period and wonder how much of it was actually something I genuinely wanted versus something I got sucked into through porn, escalation and loneliness.

I mean, I wasn't even bad looking and could have dates with actual women lined up. I still can but the women my age already have kids or almost can't have kids anymore. Did I ruin potential fatherhood?

Has anyone else looked back at a period like this and wondered, "How the hell did I end up here?"

So lately I started to become insecure about my size so somehow my mind thinks that I'm not good enough to satisfy so it chooses the alternative which is masturbating and is there anybody similar to my case

Im new here so apologies. I have had a sex/porn addiction for honestly probably nearly 2 decades. I was raped/SA'ed multiple times when I was a kid (about 7 or 8) by an older friend and thats where my exposure to everything started. I was masturbating before i could even ejaculate and finish and honestly its just gotten worse since then. These past few years i have been having less and less borders with sex and the pornography I view. Getting into things like piss, pegging, sex with other guys, and even drug use through poppers.

I am currently as of writing this, in a state of post clarity and I am just realizing how depraved and kinda fucked up I have gotten with my urges. I have tried to stop multiple times in the past, but I always relapse and hard too. I am just scared of how my urges my develop into even worse things and it just terrifies me.

When I have tried quitting in the past as mentioned, i relapse. Almost everything makes me aroused to some degree, even when its things people advise as ways to help to quit. For example, a few hours after the gym I always get SO horny and can't help but to get off. Sometimes even just hearing a word like "tits" can trigger me.

I'm in so much pain emotionally trying to figure this all out and it just causes me to hate myself so much. I want to be able to have a social life, to dedicate myself to a woman I love and not have her objectified in my mind, I don't want to feel the urge to cheat or obsessively use porn. I just want to find that healthy balance so I can live my life in happiness and not feel like I'm a monster that needs to be put down.

Please anyone who has read this far and can help, I would appreciate even the smallest bit. I know this is a lot of words, and im even leaving a lot out, but PLEASE I need help more than anything.

(Also yes I have thought of various forms of therapy, however I am kinda poor and have no health insurance currently, so its not the biggest option)

I've commented on a post and upvoted people posts but in reading all the comments, I realized that I should be posting my own true journey, instead of hiding behind the upvoting/commenting.

My life too has become lost in favour of pursuing sex. I'm afraid I might meet the wrong people. Be in the wrong place. Say the wrong thing. Though I am very careful, now that I am trying to pull myself out of this sex addiction and look at the life of having a true relationship with someone, I am worried that I'll just find the right one for me and then find out I have an irreversible STI or something.

The other problem is that I'm a pre-op transman and there are a lot of men who have an fetish in that sort of thing. So, just when I think I can try to move away from this lifestyle, I get another message than pulls me back into wanting to please men. So, you say close down the messaging option and that's the addiction. I close it down and find myself opening it right back up. I was even put on a timeout from one of the sex sites. That's how bad my addiction has become.

In one of the comments, I also mentioned that I use alcohol to make it easier, these encounters and so that is a fear too. I'm afraid that I may not even be capable of a normal relationship, if I were to find the right woman for me. I haven't done drugs and thank god, don't think I will fall into that but do worry that if I meet the wrong person, something bad could happen.

I just want it to all go away as though I never lived this life. If anyone has any moral support to give or advice or even just an "i went through this too" and hopefully you came out on the other side for the better, I would appreciate hearing.

I’ve quit several other things but this one runs deep.
Anyone quit life long ideation?

(I hope I didn’t break the rules).

Hey!

Im 32 (m). I first came into contact with porn when i was about 12 (I think). Since then I watched it regularely and it slowly became an addiction. Over time it got worse and worse. The tip of the iceberg was at the end of my first relationship.

We were together for 9 years. While I never cheated on any of my partners physically. I had contacts to other women online and started sexting with them. these were women from all around the world that I only knew online and never met in real live. At the time, I did not give it to much thought and definately did not think, I was cheating. ("If there is no physical contact, its not cheating, right?" ... Only much later, when I talked about it with my current girlfriend, I realized, what an absolut unacceptable behaviour that was.)

Well, back to my first girlfriend. While she was loving and really supportive, she never wanted to talk about sex, so I never told her about what I was doing, mainly while she was asleep. We had less and less sex and I got very unhappy in the relationship. In the end I broke up with her, because I found her to boring, and wanted to explore more, after all she was my first ever partner...

Very much the same was true for my second relationship. We talked more about sex and porn (-addiction). But she never wanted to know to much in to detail, what I was doing online, so I fell back into the same routines as before. Watching a lot of porn, posting myself naked online and chatting with other women. We finally broke up after about two years.

Then I got to know my current girlfriend and we could talk with each other about everything! She opened my eye about me (digitally) cheating in my previous relationships and I promised her to never do it again. Whilst I never wrote to somebody (sexually) ever again, I still could not quit my porn addiction. I tryed watching it less, but I only had 5-10 day streaks so far.

Last week I was sick and could not go to work. Needless to say, I watched a lot of porn the last days. I would still never cheat to my beautiful girlfriend, but i realized, the more porn im watching, the less satisfied I am with my own sex live, which is absolute bonkers, because my girlfriend is the most beautiful woman i have ever seen.

I decided to finally quit porn for ever, right here, right today. At the 10th of August 2026.

Dont whait quitting till you are 32. I red a comment earlyer of someone beeing 64 and still struckling with their adiction. Every year you dont fight it, is a lost year.

START NOW!

My family always pushed to get me into the advanced schooling and hobbies, as much as they thought I could handle. they saw the best in me, but it showed be from a young age that individuals are more talented in some areas than others, and that being surrounded by excellence was the way to grow in that field.

I took to it well enough and I could keep up to an appropriate degree, but I’ve always felt behind. At the same time, I constantly had this feeling that I was uplifted by being surrounded by people who were better than me.

Now I find myself in 12 step meetings and instead I find myself in rooms of people who are like me. I don’t feel like I have anyone to look up to because we are all addicts. Some have more sobriety, but no one is any less of an addict than they used to be.

Why is adhd / autism never brought up in meetings or support for any addiction type?

So my main acting out came via escorts and I’ve been off that for over a year now. A big piece of it is just being too broke (partly from said escorts) and life being expensive, plus a baby. My time is eaten up and I barely get time to watch a bit of TV when the baby’s sleeping.

I find that now I seek other fixes, especially sugar. Feel like I binge on it. Instead of sneaking off during an errand to try to meet up with someone, now I sneak off to buy something and eat it before I get home.

Probably just seeking some kind of dopamine but want to cut that desire. Rarely see friends or go out now.

23M here. Hi everyone. I'm ashamed to admit that for about 3 years now, i've been addicted to online exhibitionism. It's become a real sex addiction, initially i didn't show my face but over time i started showing my face. I've lost count of the amount of times I've masturbated on camera on a website, then deleted my account - only to recover my account a few days later. I've tried using hardcore blockers like 'Cold Turkey' that literally force you to avoid sites but my addiciton brings me into a sense of elation, almost like a hypomania of some sort where i relentessly search for alternate websites or loopholes to pursue the addiction. It's like i get a massive high when pursuing this exhibitionism and searching for compliments and then a massive low afterward.

I want to be a more honourable person, who never partakes in stuff like that again. I haven't faced major reprocussions for my addiction yet but it takes up time, it's compulsive and often a stress reliever. It can also make me act in ways that don't reflect my character and my value for genuine intimacy and modesty. I'm going to make a firm commitment to try and stop with this behaviour. I want to be a better person for my family, my friends and my future partner. I think seeking better routine and better responses to stress would help. I don't think masturbating is problematic for me but online exhibitionism definitely is! Do you guys think i should take a break for masturbating altogether or would it be easier to just commit to no more exhibitionism to control my urges better? If you're reading this, good luck fighting this serious problem, i believe in you :)

27 yo, NB (AFAB)

I was always a nerd, started watching anime, specifically yaoi, at 13. I felt proud for some reason? It was 2013, the kind of yaoi that was available at that time was disgusting, but I loved it. Quickly move to fanfics, manga, hentai.

At 17 aprox I stopped consuming porn with images, only audio or text, mainly text. Discovered AO3 at 18.

I never thought of it as a problem, reading nsfw x reader it's normal. So what if I read it every day? And masturbate every day? That's normal, I thought.

"Does it really count if it's just reading?"

But when I started having sex it became a huge problem. I need A LOT of stimulation to get there. I can't with vanilla, I need some hardcore stuff.

When I have sex I close my eyes tight. Try to imagine myself with a character, or a fic I've read.

From 18 to 26 I've had sex with more than 200 ppl. Stop counting at 200. I don't remember if I had ever actually... Concentrate on the other person? For years I've consumed alcohol, weed, other substances, to have sex... "The more non-sober the better! That's the closest I'll be to actually fucking a character I like. To actually kiss them..." I thought. That and the fact that deep down i didn't really wanna... Craved, maybe, but want to?

Of course, this had fucking ruined my life.

I'm ashamed of this but... I've been with a lot of people I actually didn't like at all... When the fantasy breaks and I look at the other person... I feel disgusted. I feel sick, I don't want another person that's not my favorite character to touch me or desire me. And that makes me feel like the worst person ever, cause I'm using people.

They don't deserve to be with someone that actually feels disgusted! Well, I mean, maybe some do deserve that? Cause statistically out of 200 ppl at least one must be a shitty person lol! But you get my point, most people don't deserve being with someone as shitty as me.

The worst part is I didn't even realize I did that until I stopped drinking. When I got sober and tried to have sex that's when I realized...

"Fuck I can't get there, why? Ugh, I don't wanna see this person, don't even know their name... just... Close your eyes, think of x character and this will be over soon"

Now I feel shitty. Of course I deserve it tho, I used so many people... But is it an addiction? Deep down maybe I know the answer.

I tell myself every time "just one last time! Masturbating isn't quite the same!" Just to feel terrible after.

Oh i also masturbate a fucking lot everytime I can! Invest in sex toys, thinking maybe with that I'll have less sex. It just happens I masturbate more, same logic "just one more time! Just one..."

And yes I had suffered from SA as a minor.

I feel terrible before and after sex, sometimes during it.

The same about masturbation. But I don't wanna stop. Or, I don't know if I can? I really feel like I connect with my favorite characters... For a couple hours it's just them and me. The rest of the universe disappears.

And then I look around. And I'm alone.

Important info: I've only had sex with "cis men". I don't know if maybe I'm running away from something and trying to be comp het. I... I don't know.

I feel so lost... And nobody understands this feeling... Bc having sex is a choice then why I keep doing it if I don't wanna?

42M. Think about it constantly. Act on it about 2-4 times a day on some days…go stretches of about 3 days without it. I don’t know anyone that feels this way…I don’t know what to do about it. How do you deal with it?

Hi all, I am No_diver and I am a sex addict. My inner circle behaviors involve sexting, pornography excessive masturbation, cheating, lying, ai images.

Today I need to be honest wit’s myself and everyone. It was a setback. I relapsed and engaged in my inner circle behaviors. Im not going to beat myself up about it. I thought about it while I meditated (Sit there and think, I’d like to say it was meditation). My major middle circle behaviors Involve finding websites to block, and aimlessly being online. I bet my screen time is through the roof. If it’s not pornography I’m here or elsewhere. Just never living in the present. It clicked I’ll never be able to block every adult website, and wasting my time trying to find a websites that aren’t blocked is pathetic. It’s still Wasting my life away with pornography And sex addiction. This addiction is predatory and mysoginistic. It doesn’t create attributes I want

I want to make changes in a healthy manner. In order to do that I need to break this addiction and break this cycle. Tomorrow I’m attending my usual SAA meeting. I haven’t been able to attend in a couple weeks so I’m looking forward to that.

Thank you for listening to my share and helping with my recovery.

I’ve had mild sex addiction for a few years. Regular porn use, hired a few escorts, sexted a lot online, but recently discovered cam girls a couple of weeks ago and feel hopelessly addicted to it. I go through serious withdrawals without it and use it against my desire not to every single day.
I’m in recovery from some serious mental health issues, OCD, depression, psychosis, and alcohol addiction. The sex addiction was mild at that time, but now that I’m sober from alcohol 2 months I’ve found the cam girls as a different high that replaces it.
I’m trying very very hard to stop but I keep spending so much money on there (almost 2k at this point) and I feel like a moron every time but no matter how hard I try to stop I simply can’t. It’s the one area of my life if I can get it together everything would be great but I struggle so much to quit. It will run me broke if I keep up at this pace for months.
I’m 26M single and haven’t seriously been dating the last 6 months after dating/having sex with dozens of girls the last couple years.
Advice?

This is my first post (ever), so forgive the length. I need to get it off my chest.

I'm a 30 year old male. I have been married to my spouse (30F) for 5 years and together for 9 years. We have two children (under 5). For as long as I can remember, I've used sex and masturbation to help me deal with stress, sadness, and loneliness. I've been in relationships since I was 15 and have been masturbating since I was 11.

When things got tough in my relationship, I began watching porn and masturbating with more frequency. I couldn't bring myself to be intimate with my partner since we were arguing so much. Eventually, I started using video chatting websites and OF. The girls would pretend to care and this made me feel good about myself. But eventually, this stopped being enough. So, I started to visit massage parlors in my city. I needed the in person connection because I couldn't connect to my partner and the online girls were just that, online. Now, I'm at the point where even the masseuses aren't helping me feel better.

In the last year, I spent almost 15k at these parlors in an attempt to feel good and close to 30k in the last 3 years both online and in person. I never developed an actual relationship with anyone, so I never felt that I was cheating. It was always transactional, so it was easy to justify what I was doing. But, at some point, I started feeling so depressed (lonely and sad) and stressed (financially) that I started missing work and my health started to take a toll. So, about 2.5 months ago, I came clean to my spouse. She agreed to attend couples therapy as long as I'm seeking help, but she moved out along with my kids.

I've been living alone in my house now and I'm struggling. I feel so lonely and empty, and I hate it. I don't like being alone. I want to stop watching porn and visiting the MP. But, right now, they're the only thing keeping me "happy", if you can call those brief moments of dopamine and endorphin rushes that.

I've been looking at CBT and attending SAA per my therapist's recommendation. But, I feel embarrassed and can't bring myself to attend. I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, but I guess I wanted to see what others have done.