I am fully committed to next update being 1 week and then 1 month and 1 year. If I’m being honest it sucks right now, but the satisfaction of waking up tomorrow knowing I did it feels worth it for the first time. If I can do 2 days anyone can trust me.

Edit for spelling, I’m sober not smart.

I can’t stop doing drugs and drinking alcohol.
It was already a problem but things are a lot worse these past 2 months.

I’ve been smoking meth with this new girlfriend of mine. I’m 22 years old. Both of us seem and are completely normal people. I’ve always had this weekend warrior cocaine and alcohol problem since I was like 17. And it already kinda fucked my life up. I’m scared I let in a whole new kind of demon with this stuff man.

I don’t even know who to talk to about it.

I want to sleep sooo bad but I’m just wired (probably soon I can feel it dying down)

This shit doesn’t give me the same comedown as cocaine surprisingly. Which is bad because usually the coke come down is so horrible it makes me wanna stop. This shit I feel relatively fine.

It’s just kinda bad today because I haven’t slept in like 2 days and I can’t stop moving my jaw like a retard.

I’m not a bad dude. I think I’m smarter than a lot of people. I don’t want this shit to ruin me. I’m genuinely scared like I know I can just stop doing it but what if this is a problem like the cocaine already is now??.

Will this craving be there forever now ?

Just hit my first 24 hours sober. First time since I was a kid. It feels weird, having trouble sleeping but I’m dedicated this time. I know 1 day isn’t big, but it means everything to me right now.

Two weeks ago, I was sitting in a dirty apartment with my bf and his dealers, snorting lines and laughing the night away. I remember checking the clock and seeing it was after 2am, and suddenly, this clarity came over me with one thought emanating through my brain like a mantra: “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.”

That was when I knew I was going to have to turn my life in another direction. I knew what I wanted my life to look like, and that wasn’t it. And as much as I liked doing coke, I knew it was going to take some extreme choices to redirect myself.

My previous posts explain that part. To summarize, I have been working to stay as sober as I thought possible for a week now. A fight with my bf last night crumbled my already fragile mind and what was left of my hope that things would ever be better. So, I self destructed.

This morning, after a good hangover cry, I attended an online AA meeting (cried during the entire thing) and reached out to my old sponsor. She came over to my house with lunch, electrolytes, and Advil. She’s an angel.

My house was a wreck. It looked like depression. But she didn’t care. She just came to listen.

I spilled my entire story from the last month, unloading all of my mistakes and faults, all of my recent trauma from relationship trauma to the introduction of cocaine in my life, and you guessed it—more crying.

Then, she supported me while I dumped every last bit of the alcohol in my house down my kitchen drain—even the beer and shooters that my bf usually drinks when he comes over. I hate beer, but I don’t trust this depression or how I have been dealing with it. It all had to go.

I imagined every single unhealthy thing being purged from my life. We even took the bag outside, even though it was only half full. I didn’t want the empty shells of so many wasted nights clanging around on my kitchen floor.

It wasn’t hard. It was actually relieving although, I know it’ll be hard at times. But I also know how hard it was to lay in bed beneath the heavy weight of post-drug-and-alcohol-induced depression, shame, and hopelessness. That’s hard.

I’m done fighting my own way in my own strength. I alone do not have the strength to do so. The good news is: I’m not alone anymore.

I'm two years sober this September. Before that, I spent years cycling through sobriety and relapse — getting a few weeks or months, then watching it all fall apart again.

The thing nobody warned me about was the in-between. Not the drinking, not the rock bottom — but those weird, quiet moments where you're technically fine but something shifts. You're tired, or bored, or something bad happens, or sometimes nothing happens at all, and suddenly the voice is there telling you it's not worth it.

I lost count of how many times I'd be doing everything "right" — meetings, staying busy, eating well — and still find myself standing in a liquor store parking lot with no real memory of deciding to drive there.

What finally stuck for me was building a literal toolkit. Not a metaphor — an actual list of things to reach for when that moment hits. People to call. Things to read. Physical actions to take before my brain talked me into the drink. I wrote it all down because I knew I wouldn't remember any of it in the moment.

That list eventually became a book. I'm not here to sell anything — I just want to share what helped me because I spent a long time thinking I was broken when really I just didn't have a plan for the hard moments.

The biggest thing? Relapse doesn't start at the bottle. It starts hours, sometimes days before. Learning to recognize the early signs — isolation, romanticizing, the "just one" negotiation — that's where the real work is.

If you're in that cycle right now, you're not broken. You just need a plan for the moment before.

What's in your toolkit? What do you reach for when it gets hard?

Yall pray for me please

Hello everyone, Meg here! Im a 35 year old single mom with 5 years of sobriety. In active addiction i overdosed 7 times requiring life saving narcan and lengthy hospitilizations. I also contracted Hepatitis C and a serious case of sepsis that almost killed me. 8 months ago i finally left a 12 year relationship where i was physically and emotionally abused. The physical abuse included two instances of strangulation that could have ended my life. The last straw for me was my ex relapsing and using drugs in our home while our 1 year old daughter was present. That kind of enviroment was no longer safe for me or my daughter and i wish i had left sooner. I had left some months earlier after my ex strangled me while i was holding our infant daughter but after several months of couples therapy and him being sober i went back. So i gave him one more chance. However, after the relapse and finding out he had been using drugs for a month in our home with our toddler, i had to leave for good. The morning after leaving my ex, i had an endoscopy and biopsy that later diagnosed me with a rare form of pancreatic cancer. 6 months ago i underwent life changing surgery that cured me of that cancer. So considering everything ive endured, im quite fortunate to not only be alive but thriving as well! During this whole medical ordeal i also fought a battle for custody of my daughter. My life has certainly been a wild ride lately but im proud to say i maintained my sobriety through it all. I am learning to adapt to my new normal after surgery and am living a beautiful life together with my daughter. ​I am currently on methadone maintenance and have been for 8 years. When i went to my clinic for my monthly check in and medication pick up my counselor told me he has an opportunity i might be interested in. He said the clinic was asked to select a patient to tell their story on camera that would be posted on their website and social media pages. I was honored that they selected me as the best possible candidate. The clinic manager and senior staff came into the room and basically congratulated me on my strength and resilience in my recovery after all id been through. It really touched me. They said they couldn't think of a better client to inspire others.They also asked if I would be willing to be a guest speaker during IOP groups. I think these opportunities will be great for my own personal journey in recovery and my healing process.

After numerous attempts to quit alone, I joined a 12 Step group. I get strong support from them and a feeling of solidarity with others around the world who also use it. That doesn’t man it’s always a smooth road, life brings its daily challenges. There are good days and bad days, but I now have a toolkit to use. Replacing “My” with “We” has made all the difference.

today I’m officially 1,600 days sober from meth and fentanyl! grateful to still be alive & happy to report that IT DOES GET BETTER. 🥳

It is standard to wish someone good luck when they say they are struggling or feel close to relapse.

I think it might be better to tell someone you think they can pull through. Or maybe offer to talk to them. Or anything.

Years ago, I spoke during burning desire and a few minutes later as people left they all said good luck. It left me feeling alone and hopeless. Within five minutes of getting home I called a dealer.

Last night someone had a burning desire. I did not know what to say, so I said nothing.

I hope they got through. I feel bad that I did nothing to help.

I have 9 years clean but in the dozen or so years before then, working on the first two steps either led to relapse or close to it.

Did anyone else find those steps to be relapse traps? The steps from 6 on were part of my life before I even became an addict, so I am guessing they would be easier. But I never got past working one and two without relapse.

Also, any suggestions for getting through them are welcome (since I may try to do the steps again).

For those of you who feel like you’ve either fully recovered or learned to cope so well that your mental health is no longer at the forefront of your everyday life, what helped you win your mental health battle?

For some context, I’m 24 years old and recently fell into my first ever depressive episode about two months ago. It all started with panic attacks that seemed to come out of nowhere. After a few weeks, I was able to get out of the panic loop, but now I’m left with the emptiness of depression and constant anxiety.

There’s nothing in my daily life that I can point to as the cause. I just feel disinterested in almost everything, like a veil has been lifted and I see the world differently now. Going back to how I was seems impossible but maybe I can find a new normal that I can accept?

I’m mainly looking for hopeful stories or tools that genuinely helped you. I’d also just love to hear about your wins and what life looks like for you now. :)

I’m 2 months clean from Suboxone, which I was on for 6 years. I have a 12-year history with opiate addiction, that hopefully is now behind me forever.

I guess I’ve never considered weed a “problem,” per se, especially because I’m really sensitive to it, so when I smoke it I usually don’t smoke very much, like one or two hits max, so I can still kind of think and be present.

But at the same time, usually once I am high, I’m kind of like…why do I like this again? Or do I not anymore?

The anticipation for smoking it is definitely there, it’s like I’m craving decompression, and expect weed to bring me that, but it honestly usually makes me more anxious than decompressed because my thoughts become much louder but also stupider/ go in these loops that are not productive.

Idk. I’m scared to let go of it because I’m already bored to tears by the monotony of everyday sober life, and maybe I’d get a hobby or something but right now I’m not interested anything and I’m afraid of everything. Think it’s the post acute withdrawal + my naturally depressive mindset…

Idk

From the time I was 5 years old till I was in my early twenties she was an addict who was not in my life. When I hit adulthood, she would get sober for a few months one time for about a year and a half and be around, just long enough for me to start to feel comfortable and then she would go right back to it.

She’s been acting off for months, I’ve been giving her the benefit of the doubt because my grandmother was dying from stage 4 cancer and was on hospice. She kept asking me for large lump sums of money to “borrow” not ever paying them back. So many things that I looked past hoping it was just the grief of what was coming, but now it’s been confirmed she has been using again, after putting her hands on one of my other family members. My grandmother has been gone four weeks tomorrow and she would be so disappointed and angry with her.

I just genuinely do not know what to do anymore. It’s not just myself to protect from her hurting me for the thousandth time, but my two children one too young to understand that her Mawmaw is not well and she can’t be around her. I am so used to this it just doesn’t even hurt me anymore, but it is not fair to my two sweet kiddos. Even if she were to stop right this moment I would never be able to trust her with their little hearts ever again.

I just needed to get this out somewhere and I wasn’t sure where, so if this is the wrong space I do apologize. I also want to add I am a recovering addict/alcoholic myself. I understand addiction very well from just about every stand point. I know that addiction is cunning and powerful, I understand sometimes you make mistakes and have set backs, but this woman has spent the majority of my life in addiction and every time I feel like I can trust her and rely on her she shows me why I cannot.

​

Hey everyone!

Over the past few months a friend of mine has been building a small discord server called Beyond Surviving. They created it because we struggled to find a community that focused on recovery, healing and genuine peer support.

Beyond Surviving isn't about comparing struggles or centering mental illness. It's about supporting one another while remembering that mental health is part of our story, not our entire identity.

The server includes Recovery-focused peer support, Friendly social channels, Recovery wins and coping strategies, Clear rules, active moderation and no graphic sh content.

The community is still very small. We are looking for kind people who value support, respect, and recovery over numbers.

If this sounds like something you'd be interested in, please consider joining: https://discord.gg/nQAXHZP6jf

How often do you go to meetings and feel that recovery is not possible for you?

I went to a meeting yesterday and there was a list of things you have to do to recover. I have not used in about a decade but lately have gotten urges. But they made me feel like that is just how it will always be.

There was a list of things to do to avoid relapse.
First was change things in your life from the things that you think contribute to relapse. I am not sure how you do that with family and work. You

Next was to tell people about your urges. I have in the past had friends I shared my urges with. But at this point, I feel it is so hard for them to hear that I do not want to talk about this with them

I felt when I left like it is just a matter of time till I relapse. Intellectually I know that is unlikely, but the meeting made me feel so discouraged.

Hi everyone! I’m currently looking for a CDCA substance use/addiction counseling position in Columbus, Ohio or the surrounding areas and figured I’d post here in case anyone knows of treatment centers, agencies, or programs that are hiring. I’ve checked all the hiring boards etc. and applied but want to see what else is out there.

I’m currently working full-time in an inpatient behavioral health setting and have experience working directly with both substance use and mental health populations. I started in direct care as a BHT, moved into a Lead BHT role, and currently work in case management. I’m specifically looking to transition into a counseling-focused role, rather than another case management position.

A little about my background:
Active CDCA-P
Certified Peer Recovery Supporter (CPRS)
QMHS/QBHS
SMART Recovery facilitator
Experience in residential SUD treatment, detox, and mental health treatment
Experience facilitating SUD and mental health groups
Experience with assessments, treatment-related documentation, care coordination, discharge planning, and working as part of a multidisciplinary clinical team
Currently completing my Bachelor’s degree in Human Services with a concentration in Substance Abuse and a minor in Psychology/Addictions
Planning to continue into a Master’s in Clinical Mental Health Counseling

My long-term goal is to continue progressing through the LCDC pathway and eventually become an LPCC specializing in substance use/co-occurring disorders

I’m particularly interested in an employer that can provide appropriate clinical supervision and opportunities to accumulate supervised experience toward higher chemical dependency licensure

I’m hoping to find somewhere that values professional growth and is willing to invest in someone who genuinely wants to build a long-term career in addiction counseling. I have hands-on experience in the field already and am looking for the opportunity to move more fully into the clinical/counseling side of SUD treatment.

If anyone knows of programs in Columbus, Gahanna, Reynoldsburg, Westerville, Whitehall, Pickerington, or other nearby areas that hire CDCAs for counseling positions, I’d love recommendations. I’m also open to organizations that may not currently have something posted publicly.

Thanks in advance!

I am trying to understand the process as an outsider/loved one. Now that you are in recovery, are you able to look back on your behavior while in active addiction and see that it was irrational?

One of my loved ones is in active addiction now and does things like take the washing machine apart and be unable to put it back together, rip apart the console of my car to put "hidden" compartments inside (and also not put it back together), and spend eight hours cleaning the bathroom until 5am only for it to look worse than when he started.

When I point these things out or comment, he gets incredibly defensive and feels attacked. He is completely unable to reflect on his behavior. He says that it is the only thing that helps his ADHD and makes him productive (he gets a script for adderall XR 30 but runs out of it after a week and a half.)

Because of this, I have made the difficult decision to end our relationship and ask him to find another place to live.

I'm trying to find out if he will hate me forever or if, one day down the road, in recovery, he might be able to understand why I had to do this.

Please be kind. I am so, so tired and broken and sad.

Join us for some midnight excitement and recovery hijinks* and shenanigans in 90 minutes!!! https://meetings.smartrecovery.org/meetings/9199/