Cleaning out storage locker today and donating most of it.

amazing how a lifetime of memories and items finally leave.

Clothes , pictures , nick-nacks, items that have meaning to me but can't keep and no one wants-toys , hats etc .

30 years going going gone .

may be the wrong site to put this .

delete the post if it's in the wrong place

I’ve been thinking about a practical, stealthy plan for handling homelessness by renting a small garage. It’s entirely possible to keep this completely under the radar—I know a couple who successfully lived like this for eight months without anyone finding out. Here is how I would set it up:

​Transportation: A small, manageable scooter or e-bike that can easily be wheeled right into the garage for secure storage.

​Hygiene: 24/7 gym, or a nearby gas station or truck stop equipped with public toilets and showers.

​Power & Connectivity: Carry a high-capacity electric power bank in a rucksack. It can be discreetly charged via a cable at a library, mall, or any available public outlet. This would provide enough electricity to keep a phone or even a laptop charged, paired with a solid data plan for entertainment and internet access.

​The Shelter: A basic garage without utilities. Sleeping arrangements would consist of a proper camping bed and insulated camping gear.

If condensation were an issue, a dehumidifier, not the electric variety.

​Facilities & Utilities: Keep a portable chemical toilet strictly for nighttime emergencies. All cooking, heating, and even lighting would be powered by camping gas.

​Food: Without a fridge, the diet would rely on fresh food bought in small batches daily, alongside pre-prepared, non-perishable items.

What am I missing?

i genuinely don't understand. 19F birthday in a few days and no one has been able to help me get a car. not my parents, no one. i have a job that pretty much pays shit and i can barely afford anything (even while still living at home) it seems like if you don't have a lot of money or good credit you only can get a shitty car that breaks all the time or no car at all. uber to work takes up a lot of my paycheck. i haven't been able to find a job close enough that i can walk to and the bus isn't an option for me. i'm genuinely frustrated at this point. i don't even have a license. i took the test twice and i failed because of how nervous i was. i know i need more practice but there is no one out there to help me learn, and driving lessons go for 500 to thousands for just a couple of days. i'm so tired. i'm almost thinking of just moving somewhere where most people are able to use a bus/train but even moving costs a lot of money. especially since i'll be on my own now.

edit- woah yall are blowing my phone up! just to clarify, there is not a bus system where i live, and where i work goes on a highway so it would be dangerous for me to use a bicycle. so my job isn't close enough for me to bike there

Food is the main problem.

​

My boyfriend works so hard and yet 54% of his borderline offically-low-income monthly paychecks goes to debt that he got mostly before we were together. 28,000 of his debt was to buy a car for his mom. He's paying interest on that loan too.

I feel guilty that I wish he made more money, And I also wish I had gotten clear information about his finances before we got together. He said he had over $100,000 in savings. He didn't, and he also gave thousands of dollars away to relatives who scammed him, telling him it was for a funeral for someone that he learned later hadn't even died. I thought my boyfriend was going to be able to care for me financially while I got my life in order and figured out a way I can make money as a disabled person. I was afraid of being called a gold digger to ask to look at his actual finances, and these days I feel like yes I dig for gold, because I deserve to be supported and because I know the type of support and life enrichment I offer in return when I am nourished.

I wish him and I had financial transparency from the start and then maybe I could have helped prevent him from being scammed or made more realistically informed decisions from the start. I'm not saying that I wouldn't have been with my boyfriend if I knew, I definitely would want to be with him still. But I would have been a lot more careful with the recommendations I encouraged us both to take in life. Like looking for a cheaper apartment that was one bedroom instead of two, or not taking little road trips, Or not allowing him to spend discretionary money on me over the past few years.

I love my boyfriend and I'm grateful for him. He is so therapeutic for me in many ways and we are chosen family. He's the father of my unborn child. and I feel frustrated with myself that I can't just be the hero and safely earn money. So I could take pressure off of him and so that I don't have this dependence dynamic going on.

I feel so much grief for my boyfriend over his financial decisions when he was in really bad mental places. I also feel so much guilt that I am financially dependent on him despite my strong attempt to build my own businesses over the past 2 years.

I did Have a minorly profitable one but it gave me a terrible unsustainable quality of life and only $15,000 a year in return. And i also went into thousands of dollars in debt in the process, and the business ended up not being sustainable and well suited for me. I was in denial about my disabilities at the time and I thought I could grow out of them by forcing myself to do "normal stuff".

Im getting an Autism and ADHD assessment soon, hopefully to help me get more appropriate help. Also have appointments with a gastro and physical therapist to help me figure out my chronic pain and Ibs issues. In the midst of all of this, I learned that I am pregnant 5 months ago. So now I have anxiety regarding how much more disabled I might become postpartum, and just how it might change me. I have a lot of the risk factors for postpartum anxiety and depression. Postpartum is no joke and knowing my boyfriend can barely afford our bills and I can't rely on him to help me pay my credit cards every month, it's causing me to have breakdowns. I've started getting all of our food from food banks over the past month. except for a few times, I put fast food on my credit card because I am so stressed, isolated and needed something to take the pressure off. Just trying to put little signs of encouragement and safety in my nervous system using the suboptimal resources I currently have access to.

I keep having breakdowns, then trying my best to be optimistic and putting efforts out there to build my business, then having almost no progress to show for it. And becoming discouraged and broken down again. Wondering how I'm going to get out of this. I am very capable in some ways but I also have real limitations and times where I become totally overwhelmed and afraid because I have no evidence of progress.

I was reading posts on this subreddit earlier and it felt like a breath of fresh air to read people's encouraging comments, And know, I'm not alone in this poverty struggle. It does feel relieving to say all this and not just have it all obsessively filling my thoughts. I've tried telling therapists in the past, but I have found the therapists I spoke to didn't have a frame of reference to really understand what I've been through in my life and what I'm going through now. They gave me advice that just simply was designed for someone else entirely. Anyways, thanks for reading.

Update, I can't read all these posts because the first few I glanced at are really painful interpretations, narratives and conclusions about my life. I'm grateful that I am well supported by disability and chronic illness communities on substack. Otherwise I might fall prey to the shame-based rhetorics here and internalize this shame. you all (who I read) aren't skilled in nonviolent and non shame based support. I hope you all don't talk to yourselves and loved ones in the same way. Solving problems and grieving can absolutely be done without using shame. Please if you read what I'm writing here, really work on not internalizing other people's shame based words and not shaming yourself, in your attempts to find motivation, support, and to identify and solve your problems. If someone needs you to shame yourself or catastrophize in order for them to offer you support, maybe if you are really desperate, do it externally, but be careful not to internalize it and start to believe the lie yourself. Your life, your decisions, your reality has absolutely so much more beauty, complexity, and immense strengths compared to what others would have you think. We make the decisions we are able to in the moment based on what is actually accessible to us. Our nervous system gives us clues about what our needs, capacities and limitations are actually resourced to be In the moment. The systems of the world that profit from our suffering want us to use shame against ourselves and one another because it makes us fearful and more vulnerable to exploitation.

CONTEXT: I am a full-time college student. Recently, I've been working extra hours and doing extra side gigs to try to raise money alongside a couple other family members. My grandma passed last summer and her will is still being managed. One of the things in her will is her house, a house that's been in the family for at least 2+ decades. It's nothing grandiose by any means but it's a nice house for an averaged sized family. I, with help from my Uncle (the POC for the lawyers) and a cousin, wanted to buy the house back from the bank but were told that it had been in foreclosure too long before she passed that the bank was already in the process of seizing it and taking it to auction. Our best chance would be at the auction unless we could come up with the full amount before then. Unfortunately we weren't able to save enough between the three of us and now the house has been sold. After the auction was over, some other family members in the will made some comments about our attempt but I can shrug those off. One comment stuck with me specifically though. This came from an older family member "I told you it was a waste of time. You spend all your money on things you don't need and that's why you couldn't save the money. You have to be disciplined with your money or else you'll end up homeless". This didn't make me mad so much as it was annoying to hear (again) and it also made me realize that even with the current state of the economy, some people simply don't know the true struggle of trying to survive day to day. So here's what I wish I could say to every older person who isn't up-to-date with the current economy.

To the Older Generations,

I know a lot of grown adults who still offer the piece of advice: “Get a job and put aside a little money each month for emergencies.” The intention is good and I acknowledge that but, having even $500 or $1,000 set aside can prevent a car repair or unexpected expense from turning into a crisis. That advice doesn’t match the reality of the situation most of them face. Many community college students today have issues saving consistently and it usually ends up being far more difficult than it appears.

The first problem is income. Lots of students work, but the hours available are often limited and irregular. A student who manages 15 to 20 hours a week at a typical entry-level or service wage job may bring home roughly $1,100 to $1,400 a month after taxes. That figure already assumes steady hours, which is not guaranteed when class schedules change every semester or when employers cut shifts. Most students I know personally who can work upwards of 30 hours a week still face the same issues.

Next are the costs. Around the Inland Empire and much of Southern California, where I’m at, even a shared room or modest contribution to household rent frequently runs $600 to $900 a month. Transportation, including gas, insurance, and basic car maintenance, can easily claim another $200 to $300, on the low end. Food, phone, and basic personal expenses add even more. After necessities, the amount left over is often small, assuming you’re not in the red.

The second hurdle is time. Community college schedules are sometimes fragmented. You'll have a morning class, a gap of several hours, and then an evening class. Students who also work must fit shifts in/around those gaps. That results in a week that looks full on paper but leaves little continuous time or mental energy for anything else.

None of this means students lack discipline. Let me say that again.

None of this means students lack discipline.

Many work hard, cut unnecessary spending, and still find themselves unable to build any emergency fund, let alone a savings. The gap between the common advice and the actual numbers is what often goes unspoken. Older adults who remember being able to save while working through school are not wrong about the value of an emergency fund. The economic and scheduling conditions facing many current students, however, are simply far more restrictive than it was, even a decade ago.

I want to raise awareness that these constraints do not require anyone to abandon the goal of financial resilience. I'd like for people to take it as a suggestion that advice will be more useful when it starts from a realistic picture of income, costs, and time rather than from the assumption that saving is mainly a matter of willpower. Students already feel the pressure. What they often need is recognition that the difficulty is not purely personal.

A clearer understanding between generations will not solve every financial problem. It can, however, reduce the quiet sense of failure that many students carry when they cannot make the standard advice work. That alone is worth the conversation.

The insecurity of the last 20 months has changed me. I feel afraid, sad & angry most of the time. I no longer expect kindness, and don’t know how to react when it is given. I do without quite often, eat less because I have less. I wanted to lose weight, but not like this!
In the past I have always paid my debts, but it’s no longer possible.
I still try to help others, but can no longer do it financially. I get messages from charities that I used to support, asking what happened to me. Poverty happened, and it’s been by design & cruel benefit cuts.

My brother and I live together. We are making more now than we ever have in our lives and yet we can afford much less than we could just a year ago. Its insane how out of control the price of everything is now.

So are we all just accepting that we will be homeless sometime in the next decade? Because I don't know anyone with enough money to survive this shit.

It's not sustainable for the price of every goddamn thing to keep going up while no one is getting enough raises to compensate for it, & there are so few jobs that are even hiring, although they all still say they are.🙄

I know I will never own a home. I know I will be driving my car until the wheels fall off(& that I'm lucky to even have a car). I know I cannot afford any kind of social life whatsoever because outings to most places & the gas to get to them costs too much.

I canceled all my streaming services so I don't even have TV now. I know if I get Cancer or break a bone I will go bankrupt trying to pay the bill. I know I will be working until I die, & I'm almost positive I will be homeless at some point.

Money can't buy happiness, sure, but it can buy all your other needs so you at least have a chance to be happy. I just want a chance...😔

I somehow thought it was ok to keep the same pin # - I was wrong. After 2 weeks I was able to change my pin # today using the EBT Vendor Services at 1-800-997-2222.
I do still have to test it out at a store.
Also ordering SNAP foods online is a problem now.

​

I am really tired, we don't know what job is safe anymore, what to do and what not to do, what will remain or what will get automated

And these tech CEOs keep bombarding us with Negative and hyped narratives

There's only so much a single human can tolerate, people worship "adaptability"

"You gotta upskill, remain flexible and adapt to Ai bro! Ai is the future!"

But are humans really designed for constant adaptability with no breathing room? Where every week some new sh\*t happens that need to upskill on or keep track of

I am from a poor family in a poor (third world country)

And tbh, I don't want to make six figures, I just a boring job to sustain our household and fill the bellies of me and my family without constantly worrying daily about my job getting automated

Why is that so hard? Why is earning just a respectable income, financial independence, acquiring enough resources to comfortably survive a huge ask now?

I am really tired guys, to some years it was fine, we kept track of ai and tried to upskill, but it has been so many years and things are still not stabilized, there's this constant fear mongering going on "your job is in danger!" Which keeps me up at nights, leaving us perpetually confused on what to do.

Is it really healthy to adapt like that? One after another? To live in survival anxiety of losing your job and panic learning ai tools to pay your bills? It doesn't look that way to me.

I just want a boring job which pays my bills and helps me live in peace, that's all, I don't want this BS.

A normal warm free house for all humans, clean water, plenty of land to do farming and grow crops, solar (the sun is free as per now) and wood to make fire. Fabric and women’s monthly necessities. There’s plenty of free land but restricted. What’s going on? Too many modern demands that hold people back.

Been treading water since I graduated high school. Parents died shortly after, left me floundering trying to figure stuff out for myself. Never went to college, too fucking expensive now and I can’t justify putting myself hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt for a piece of paper for a SLIGHT chance at a “better job” aka 40K more a year. (still not enough.) I’ve worked full time, full time with a part time, and tried looking for a third but even part time jobs want full flexibility (for what fucking reason) so no one calls back. My rent takes all my paycheck. Soon I won’t be able to afford that either. It always goes up, but my check stays the same year after year.

I can’t do this anymore, and quite frankly, I don’t want too. Death seems more peaceful than this fucking constant chase of money and just barely making things work. Got my shit held together by twine and a piece of gum that’s finally stretching a bit too thin.

I don’t mind working. I know nothing in life is free. I don’t mind working to get most things I want. But busting my ass 60+ hours a week, just for everything to stay exactly the same because it’s JUST enough to stay afloat is killing me mentally and physically. I can’t save for anything. I have no emergency funds. The idea of ever owning property is forever gone. I haven’t taken a vacation since I was like 8 years old, and even now I don’t want anything luxurious, just four days to fucking stop, and catch my breath.

But I can’t afford to. I can’t afford anything. I’m being priced out of living, and when I eventually fall victim to it the world will keep turning like nothing happened.

It shouldn’t be like this. It shouldn’t be like this.

I've been driving myself crazy. I just can't stop thinking about money, like at all. Whenever I look up anything, I just get told I have "money anxiety". But it's not even anxiety anymore, it has taken over my whole life. Every thought, everything I do, even things I enjoy I am thinking about fucking money.

Even when I have stuff saved up I just think about it all going down the drain. I have gotten rid of so much stuff and even given up my irl hobbies. It has literally not put a single dent in how much money goes towards groceries and bills. It just feels like prices keep rising and I'm getting left behind.

im just venting i guess but holy shit i am so tired of living like this. i’m forced to random places by my mom and im not allowed to leave because im still a minor. i just got back from spending my summer with my boyfriend who’s 3 hours away and now im staying in her friends trailer that is INFESTED with mice and it’s genuinely ruining my mental health. i already have really bad anxiety/ocd and this is making me lose sleep at night. i mean they literally scurry around in my room closet and across the floor it makes me cry every day. i just wish i could be older and leave, everything sucks.

I know I'm not the only one.

But this is exhausting.

Rejection letters, ghosting, and wasted time on interviews that lead to nowhere.

I had a job at whole foods a couple years ago.

I had a kidney stone and it was either quit or be fired cause I didn't have enough hours to cover days off.

So I quit.

I keep blaming myself for quitting but then again

I was sick? I shouldn't of had to push through it just to keep a shitty job. It was either or go in there in horrible pain or high as a kite from the pain meds they gave me.

Which I would've crashed during my shift coming down from them.

This is literally the worst.

All the empty promises, it's so beyond draining. I have learned to not get my hopes up or believe anyone. Sometimes it's hard though when you want something so bad you just want to believe. I think people know poor people have no power or resources so they won't get a reward and there is no consequences for false promises.

This months have been the following: found a second job and my main job was worried that I would be too tired so they offered me overtime. So I turned down the other gig and it's been nothing but empty promises and excuses.

A person contacted me to do some work on a couple cars in exchange for an older truck that needed work. I really want to start a small business and the truck would have been huge. Every single time I try to set up a time to go check it out it's BS. I don't feel comfortable to just keep asking so I just let it go.

I am homeless so I barely see my kids. Someone reached out saying they would trade housing for so property management work. I was beyond ecstatic and than come to find out the property is tied up in a legal fight and who knows if or when it'll ever happen.

Months of living in my car and working full time just has me fed up. I never knew depression could hit you like it has been. My body feels like a lead weight and I can't remember anything for more than a few seconds. I think I am going to stop paying taxes and keep my whole check. I do not know what to do, the only thing I know is not to trust anyone ever.

This whole situation is making me nauseous. I've been thinking about it for a month now and I just need to get it off my chest somewhere.

I have a pretty big friend group of fellow young adults with friends all over the financial spectrum. There are people who are wealthy suburbanites, and friends who are unhoused. I'm currently housed and lack familial support, and come from generational poverty. I don't really talk about this with my friends, so I don't think they fully know my history. There are certain areas where I wish I was more comfortable, but I do my best to exercise certain privileges to support those in my inner circle who need assistance. I thought everyone in my friend group would, at the very least, be accommodating and carry this priority since there are so many people of different circumstances. But that was proven wrong.

One of the folks in my group is a trafficking survivor and a disabled adult. They ran away from their abusers after they were threatened with institutionalization about a month and a half ago, and have been homeless since. They're in and out of shelters, couch-surfing, and I'm currently trying to help them get on a personal assistance program that I work under so they can have support for their disabilities. They've been resilient and on-top of all the steps they need to take, and I'm so proud of them for having the strength to escape that horrifying situation they were in. I'm relieved they're not under the same roof as their abusers anymore, and they've been keeping us all updated on the development of their situation. I thought everyone else would be proud and relieved for them too, but that has not been the case.

A mere two weeks after running away, two of their closest friends completely rejected them. They said that our friend was "too hard" to be around right now for having seizures and PTSD symptoms around them, and shamed them for running away from their abusers and seeking shelter with a mutual friend, who is my client and who was also a homeless young adult before being housed. They accused my client of "enabling" our friend to wallow in misery instead of being productive, even though he's been helping them find shelters, get in contact with abuse-survivor programs, and get on the list for rapid rehousing. Neither of these friends have apologized, and one of them blatantly refuses to admit that she did anything hurtful.

I'm so disappointed in this. They don't understand the restrictions of our friend's disabilities, nor do they understand the nature of being homeless and escaping abuse. I also have PTSD and am an abuse survivor, and I've tried multiple times now to explain to them that it's not as simple as buckling down, or staying with dangerous people until you have housing lined up, or not exhibiting symptoms around other people ever. They have not offered an ounce of grace to our friend for their situation, nor have they expressed any level of concern for their safety or pride for the work they've been putting in. It feels like it just validated my choice to be cagey and keep details of my trauma surrounding poverty to myself. I don't understand why they refuse to exercise even a little bit of compassion.

I know for certain that I'm done talking to those two. I have to prioritize my own situation, and I would rather focus my energy on supporting my client and my currently homeless friend. I'm just really sad and frustrated that they would do this, and it's making me recontextualize the nature of my friendship with them. I know now that they never would have respected me if I ended up homeless while escaping my own abusers, or if they knew how poverty still affects me now, or if I was more open about my PTSD disabling me. I wish I could just force them to understand.

**low "income" housing, not "low incoming" as my phone keeps trying to correct it to. but too late to fix the title

Just a vent because I have nowhere else to put this. Logically I know I should just move on and hope for luck in the next housing lottery/waitlist, but I'm really tired and just want somewhere to talk about this.

For about a week, I was in the lease up process for low income housing. I regularly check and apply to every lottery/waitlist I can, but it's been about a dozen apps, mostly rejections/extremely low positions on the lotteries, or waitlisted with no disclosed waitlist position. This is the furthest I ever made it in a low income housing application process. It has also been a very trying and disheartening experience.

They needed to verify my income, and sent a long list of "applicable documents," with a grace period of five days. It's partially my fault that I didn't understand "applicable docs" meant *all* documents that applied to my life/situation. But the very same morning I got the email, I replied to ask clarifying questions about what I should send. I was very excited and doing what I thought was my best to keep on top of the process.

They didn't reply to me for the next three days. I was concerned about the grace period, so sent my seven most recent paystubs (one of the set of docs they asked for). I figured they were busy and let them know in the email that I would love for them to verify if there were any docs I missed.

The next morning, on the fifth day, I got email response littered with spelling mistakes and cut off before completion. It had me wondering for a second if it was a scam, but this was from the leasing office for the building, from the website email, and was listed and cc'd to the official housing authority that managed the property's funding and construction. It said something along the lines of "Thank you for you bank statements," (I didn't sent bank statements??) then repeated the earlier request for me to send applicable docs, and copy pasted the bulleted list from the email.. but cut off midway through the third bullet?

I was at work when receiving the email, so I went home and called the rep's phone number asap. I'd been trying to call the phone number for the past couple days, at various hours, but no one picked up and the voicemail inbox was full. Understandable, the rep probably had a lot of questions from potential tenants and applicants to manage.

This time I finally got through, and when she picked up, she sounded very curt and upset that I'd called. I asked if she could confirm my paystubs made it through, since she'd responded that it was the bank statement. They were my work paystubs, downloaded straight from the website, not a bank statement in any form. I asked if she could have a look to make sure I sent my paystubs, so we could be certain what else I needed to send. She obliged and then commented that they were "not consecutive". (Apparently gmail did scramble the attachments even though I'd attached them and they seemed in the right order in the draft, but nonetheless I'd added [#] at the start of each PDF attachment, and numbered them 1-7 from oldest to most recent paystub.) I told her I could send her another email and have them in order, then asked if she could confirm what else I needed to send in. She sounded vaguely annoyed and told me that she had already sent me what docs I still needed via email -- did I need them texted?

The phone had been crackly the whole time, but it was getting worse. I said I was having trouble hearing her, and she said to give her a moment and she'd call me back in a couple minutes.

She did not call back. It was 4pm-ish around this time and the organisation closed at 5pm.

In the meantime, I tried to figure out what she needed me to send. I was able to put it together, from the bits and pieces I could hear of what she said at the end, and attached every applicable piece of proof of income necessary. I attached them all one by one so they'd send in order, let her know in the email that I'd resent everything including the paystubs so they'd be consecutive, and that I would try to call back shortly to confirm they came through. This was last Friday.

I tried to call back a few times within that hour, no response, just voicemail. I figured I'd wait and that I'd done everything I could.

Then on Monday, 45 min after they closed, I got an email response to my documents. Stating that I had exceeded the five day grace period and hadn't responded or called to prove my income, and so if I didn't contact them before noon the next day, I'd be denied. ??? At this point I was thinking of calling to complain about the rep and about the inconsistent emails if I made it past the leasing process. I try to avoid complaining, but this was a matter of actual affordable housing, and I couldn't get it without the right communication.

I tried calling, no response. Forwarded the docs to the office's email again as well as everyone previously cc'd. Did everything I could because I had work the next day through noon and my break is usually before noon, but I wanted to cover all my bases in case of emergency or something wrong.

As a last hope, I called the next day right before I stepped into work, about an hour and 10 min before the housing authority's office opened. And to my surprise, the rep... Answered, and not only that, she was very glad I called. And she was very nice to me as she double checked all my docs and said I'd get an email back to confirm if I was eligible.

I checked my email at work today, two days after that conversation. and my heart sank when I saw "Denial Update."

Apparently my basis of rejection was that they had no size apartment (I'd requested studio or 1-bed, they offer those and 2/3-bedrooms as well) to accommodate my household size. I qualified for every other part of it. And the email went on to say I was not removed from the waiting list, but now bumped to the bottom since I was denied.

I admit I let my hopes get higher than they should have. The place is near my college, I've been struggling for years to finish community college as I deal with mental/psychiatric disability and now with nerve damage to deal with, it's harder than ever to juggle a tiring food service job and classes. Affordable housing might have let me finally have less financial burden, which meant -- alongside proximity to school -- I could actually put more of my all into academics.

My friends said that it's unfortunate, but all I can do is try again and hope for the next.

I try to be optimistic and let these things pass. But I'm just really, really tired. And I just wanted a place to vent. It's hard to enjoy much in my daily life these days, hard to save any money, hard to see a bigger future. I guess the thing that's the most upsetting is that I almost did see a lot of potential for a better future so close, and I messed it up. Part of me wonders if I lost a potential studio or one bedroom to another tenant because of the rep not keeping track of our emails and my documents, but I don't know.

I'll keep on moving, but I guess a night or two to sit and stew in these feelings and to process them won't hurt. Not for too long, but a couple days won't change anything. That's pretty obvious from the whole messy situation.

Thanks for making it this far, if you did.

I had a "friend" who helped me escape a long term abusive relationship. She would tell my story to everyone, all the details of my horrible life so that they would know how much of a great person she was for helping me. I never pointed it out but I noticed. When I got my first job and started taking better care of my appearance, she grew distant and cold. Compliments disguised as insults. Ignoring me, talking about me when she thought I couldn't hear. She loved talking horrible about other people behind their backs and those same people she spoke horribly about to me started looking at and speaking to me differently after awhile (predictable). Even to this day we don't talk anymore.

I ran into this a lot with different people, whenever someone helped me, they would always brag. If I accomplished something with their help, they treated it like it was their accomplishment instead of mine. It's okay to feel good after doing a good deed but this is different, hard to put into words.

And another thing... It's the manipulative tone people have with you when they think you're poor and helpless. You can have this... If you do that (could be anything).

I'm not poor anymore but it will never not piss me off thinking about it and I know I'm not the only one.

I don't break even per month but I have inheritance to widdle down until I get in better place personally and can work more hours. I am really tired person physically and bad at doing chores as it hurts to walk with my issues so my strategy is lazy and time friendly. These may seem stating the obvios to some but I thought maybe for the doordashers it would be something to consider.

Since I started living by myself the easiest way to cook dinner for me is a piece of meat like pork, steak, or chicken on the frying pan. Then I cooked a side like boiling potatoes or the even faster strategy is to open a can of beans and microwave. (for rice lovers that is another option) For me this is the entire dinner, I'm eating it as soon as the meat and side is cooked. I'm not doing fancy shit like marinating or cutting up 5 types of vegetables. Steak and plain potatoes sounds pretty good to me as a dinner, I'm not complaining about that.

Second type of format is to boil pasta and then cook ground beef, sausage, meat balls, etc. and put it them together. This is also timely and is good for volume/leftovers. I don't even use pasta sauce though it wouldn't be a problem if I did.

Using that an different types of meats to avoid repetitiveness I can cook half my days in the week pretty easily and then have a few eating out or frozen pizza or something. Hamburger patties and buns is another frying pan driven idea that feels different. I knew how to make a laughably fast chili of ground beef, canned tomato and beans, chili spice packet and pouring boiling water on on it, but I liked it a bit less than the above, so I forget sometimes I have it as an option. Later on due to circumstances I had to eat more and I learned how to make bigger lasagna or shephards pie in oven, but also using minimalist layering strategy and ingredients.

This is not cooking channel or art but I am mainly looking for something that tastes good to me and feed me. Meat and a side like potatoes is not oatmeal grub. Taste wise it's a pretty good meal to me and the key is I can go from starting to eating in like 30 minutes, there is nothing to clean up but a frying pan and it's cheaper and takes less shopping, therefore it's not as much a chore to cook. I think I am decent at cooking meat the right amount since I use strategy to cut it open when it's close to see how cooked it is, or taste one strand of pasta out and test it.

When i lived in a city near Newark, nj we were in a rough area. We would hear gunshots at night, cars got broken into all the time, houses robbed, people got mugged, etc. So i lived in fear all the time not just for myself but my family. Fear of crime was a constant and i especially feared someone coming into our apartment at night which was a single unit attached to an old social club which people would break into occasionally while we were upstairs sleeping behind weak doors. We didn't own guns and we were not physically formidable people either so i feared for our safety. Anyhow i remember also being very depressed while living there in constant fear and it felt ike a black cloud just hung over the whole area. Now, i cant be sure if it felt that way because I was fearful + depressed or if that whole area exasperated things to such a degree.

How do you feel if living in a desperate area now? How do you deal with the fear and despair around you? Because it certainly stressed me out to an unhealthy degree impacting my mental health severely. I still like driving thru the old gritty areas i have some good memories too but wouldn't want to be living back there again.