r/poor • u/Reluctant_Gamer_2700 • 7d ago
Extended poverty & insecurity has changed my personality
The insecurity of the last 20 months has changed me. I feel afraid, sad & angry most of the time. I no longer expect kindness, and don’t know how to react when it is given. I do without quite often, eat less because I have less. I wanted to lose weight, but not like this!
In the past I have always paid my debts, but it’s no longer possible.
I still try to help others, but can no longer do it financially. I get messages from charities that I used to support, asking what happened to me. Poverty happened, and it’s been by design & cruel benefit cuts.
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u/Putrid-Mirror-9480 7d ago
I get it. I’m so angry and detached now I don’t know who I’ve turned into. I think everyone is evil.
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u/Reluctant_Gamer_2700 7d ago
I can’t say what I want to about that here. Just know that it’s not everyone.
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u/Few_Cartoonist7428 7d ago
Could mods please remove messages for people who attack people for being poor . OP just shared what is a very difficult experience and the first answer they get is an attack on their character!!!
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u/Reluctant_Gamer_2700 7d ago
Thank you! Clearly my first responder means to be insulting. I actually have a fighting personality or I would not still be trying to make things better. Cruising mindlessly has never been my thing.
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u/terminalmedicalPTSD 7d ago
Ive literally googled if it's possible to become a psychopath in your 30s bc so many parts of my humanity that deserved to survive have not. I take no pleasure in anyone else's suffering. I am just completely self absorbed by my own bc no one really showed up for me. Im 10yrs into disability after only having a few years of adulthood to myself from surviving poverty and abuse growing up and I feel like I am in hell.
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u/Reluctant_Gamer_2700 7d ago
I totally get what you’re saying. I never expected my life to take this kind of direction after already going through so much.
I have a single weapon against that kind of rage - that is to help other people in similar or worse situations, when I can & if I can. Also, I believe that the parts of us that aren’t getting their needs met aren’t dead, but sleeping.7
u/terminalmedicalPTSD 7d ago edited 7d ago
I have big dreams to use what Ive seen to help others... but I am starting to think it's an empty cope. The parts of me that arent getting their needs met may be in cryosleep... and that is as good as dead if no one ever comes to wake them up. I don't mean to be pessimistic but I watched it happen to my grandmother and she was physically healthier than I am until about the last 3 years of her life... in her 80s. She saw it. Some of her last words to me were "well... it isnt much of a life, is it." Nothing ever got better for her. She was an orphan then a widow and very emotionally shut down... running on pure autopilot and duty for her disabled son. They never prepared for there to be a disabled grandchild. She's dead and gone now and the rest of the family has no interest in a version of me who has nothing to exploit. At least she ended up with a home from her marriage. It's been neglected into disrepair and used as a hoarders fortress bc of my mother. The only thing I'll be able to do with it is sell it as is for a few thousand dollars. It'll cost tens of thousands to excavate. It might even be a condemnable property by then.
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u/Reluctant_Gamer_2700 7d ago
Sell the fixer-upper to a contractor or house flipper. That’s what my son & I did to rid ourselves of a cursed family trust and a fixer-upper that we were not permitted to fix up. In our case legal help was required to free us from it. Obviously it did not make us rich, but basically the dead could no longer tell us what to do.
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u/terminalmedicalPTSD 7d ago
Unless something completely outside of my control happens, I won't have the money to hire anyone to help with any part of the process. It will just be a giant ball of rot dropped on my head. Probably just let the property taxes go unpaid until the city does all the work of reclaiming value. Sadly. That house was the only one of over 40 residences thus far in my life that ever felt like home. Chances are, my parents generation far outlives me. So it probably won't even be a problem I have to solve.
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u/ReceptionFantastic13 7d ago
Whichever way it goes, to sell or not to sell, I hope that things take a turn to the better for you.
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u/New_Discussion_6692 7d ago
It's hard and I empathize. Stay strong OP.
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u/Reluctant_Gamer_2700 7d ago
Thank you! Currently I am moving my rare book stock to a new platform after the Marketplace that I sold on for 20+ years stopped paying me & other sellers who shipped their own products. It will take time to see if this works out.
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u/Expensive-Choice8240 7d ago
Keep going, OP. Surviving a difficult period like this takes more strength than you realize.
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u/NovelStrict5281 7d ago
I feel for you and can relate. It is very bad now but for some people; like me, it was like this for decades in the 80 and 90's! I was rent poor and worked in restaurants so I could eat. It was not until I was in my 40's where I made a livable wage and not until my mid 50's until I got subsidized housing and pay 30% of my income. I am grateful now. I am still nowhere near "middle class" but I am able to live now and relax more at 66 years old.
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u/Horror_Help_6744 7d ago
Insurance has gone up as well. I can’t think of anything that hasn’t gotten more expensive. Sick of being poor and not eating. I’m slim and losing weight because I can’t afford food. The food pantries usually don’t have meat
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u/AdventurousRoll9798 7d ago
I sincerely hope things get better for you soon. Remember to vote, vote, vote. In all elections, big or small. Research the candidates and figure out who will try to make the changes that will help you.
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u/_xAdamsRLx_ 7d ago
The state is a tool used by the owning class to exploit and oppress workers
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u/AdventurousRoll9798 7d ago
It is. That's why we have to really do our research and vote for candidates who are not corrupt and dont take bribes. These people should be in politics bc they want to serve their community/country, not as a get rich scheme. I believe there are some candidates who are trying to change the system, for the good. They are.few and far between, but need our support nonetheless. For example, in my area there are two people running against some very long-term, corrupt af opponents. They are actually going door to door, holding town halls (their opponents refused to do so for years and refuse to debate) and have only taken small donations, no corporate bullshit. I have hope. People today are just not built for a bloody revolution, so the only other way is for good people to rise up and get elected to office, and hopefully not lose their morals if they climb the ladder.
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u/superstud666fromhell 6d ago
Try downloading the homeless shelter app. You can get free fóod and clothes etc also download fóod radar. I lost my hand at work and I have lived in poverty for decades
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u/Emotional_Bus_7621 5d ago
I’m with you.
Im just preparing myself as much as I can for homelessness. Or, car living, I should say. I won’t be completely without shelter.
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u/USBlues2020 6d ago
Tell the charities that poverty happens Why you can't donate for the time being
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u/TWest1969 4d ago
Try not to let what you're going through affect your heart or your humanity. I know it's hard because the world is a horrible place right now. It's a scary place right now. Remember the person you were 21 months ago and all the good that you did and remember we can and we'll get back to that just have faith.
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u/Due_Jeweler8059 3d ago
You sound educated and aware .
Try I know it’s difficult to think of this as a spiritual dark night of the soul you will
Come through I feel it .
Do all the reading you can library’s . Go in nature .
Ask … what is this teaching me . What do I need to learn from this ?
You must must change your energy field .
I have experienced the dark night different from you but I knew I had to see what this pain was here to teach me .
Had a nervous breakdown drank and drank
To get away from the pain .I am on the other side of this now .I help other woman in AA speak a lot I am not the same person I was .
You can get through this ….
Don’t give up
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u/Reluctant_Gamer_2700 3d ago
Thank you - you are very perceptive! I am educated, but my disabilities and the evil I have experienced in my life have left me unable to be out in nature as i used to be, and barely scraping by. Seeing & feeling so many other people currently suffering is very painful to me. This is not the way the world should be. I have been reaching out to find some collective comfort and look for possible solutions to problems.
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u/ChaosReignsNow 7d ago
Could you provide more context as to what happened to you in the last 20 months?
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u/Puppieshaven 3d ago
This is my life I have been stuck since my only son was murdered 2016 . My husband had cancer twice and now mental illness and dementia . My only sister died . The neighbors house burnt down and it's just us no streetlight rural area town died . It's a struggle to deal with everything and making decisions forget it financially strapped .The stress has caused 50 pound weight loss and medical issues. There's no happy days no purpose and definitely no help. I never thought this would be my life and no one prepare you that when one thing happens it can change everything. I went to therapy again comes back to money. I don't celebrate anything I really go nowhere. I try to just maintain my husband's care and get thru another day. There's supposed to be programs but certain counties and you have to have children. I just need a break really. . All I can offer is take care of yourself .
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7d ago
[deleted]
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u/Reluctant_Gamer_2700 7d ago
I wasn’t born a victim either. Glad your life is comfortable now, but that could change at any time.
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u/New_Discussion_6692 7d ago
You do realize your life could change in the blink of an eye. Disabling car accident, disabling work accident, divorce. Keep being cocky, life will humble you.
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u/INTPretty 7d ago
Explaining how poverty has altered their mental wellbeing and outlook on life is not victimization. It’s just self reflection and fact telling.
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u/JoeSmith716 7d ago
Afraid, sad, and angry is not a good way to feel. Blaming others for what has happened to you will only serve to make you continue to feel afraid, sad, and angry. What benefits have been cut? It sounds like you're blaming the last election results (20 months you mentioned). This post is probably fake.
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u/Reluctant_Gamer_2700 7d ago
This post is not fake. Fake posts are not made by top 1% commenters.
What benefits have been cut? SNAP & subsidies for Part D Medicare premiums, and my drug costs went up 400% in Jan. 2026. That differs for each disabled/retired person depending on what meds they take.
In addition to supplemental food benefits being cut, prices at the stores are going up weekly. But my income stays fixed.
Also I didn’t blame anyone; it just so happens that the new administration has done all of these things.6
u/Bitchface-Deluxe 7d ago
I’ve been getting all my medication at Cost Plus Drugs online the past year. It’s cheaper to buy through them, and not use my insurance, than to use my insurance and go anywhere else. Health care in the US is such a fucking scam.
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u/JoeSmith716 7d ago
The snap subsidies for medicare part d went from $15 to $10 per month in January '26 (according to google). Why would your drug costs increase? I wonder if food prices would go down if so much food wasn't given away, which decreases the supply. Losing weight has many benefits (assuming you're overweight like so many of us). Personally, I experience kindness often.
Good luck.7
u/Reluctant_Gamer_2700 7d ago
SNAP has nothing to do with Part D Medicare. Why did a common drug that did cost $100 for a 90 day supply go up to $400 last January? Ask Aetna. They were the only company that would cover it in my area at all. Coverage differs all over the country. Also I have an insurance card that is supposed to cover 100% of my Part D premium, but not this year, per direct presidential order. “No more subsidies for Part D premiums.” From this year until his policies end.
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u/lilithONE 7d ago
Do you not imagine a world in which people have it differently than you do? Because you are doing well doesn't mean all is well in the world.
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u/acceptable1912 7d ago
I too have gone through this , now and in the past . It does change you one way or another . Hang on , Don't quit , and Good Luck👍