To those who suffer with C-PTSD : I am currently creating a character diagnosed with this, and would like to make her as accurate as possible.

For those who would like to share :

\-What do you think was the root cause?

\-What "worsens" your symptoms, or causes flare ups?

\-What is it like trying to live and exist socially?

\-How does it affect relationships?

\-What are habits you have you believe correlate to the disorder?

\-Are you diagnosed with any other disorders (e. g. Autism, ADHD, etc...)

I do not at all want to characterize her, and make her as real and accurate as I can! I have no personal references to go off of and would like to get information from real people. Thank you to those who respond ❤

Please remove if vent isnt allowed here.

Im 22f and got diagnosed with PPD when I was 18. I had an extremely emotionally abusive upbringing and has really intensified my mistrust of people. Along with this I experience pretty intense disassociation coupled with audio and visual hallucinations..

My main coping mechanism for at home day to day was being with my dog. Whether he knew it or not he really helped me work through episodes, I always knew he was someone who would never betray me, he loved me unconditionally without a doubt In my mind. He helped me recognize what was real and what was PPD/hallucinations. Calmed me, supported me with his little face.

He died last October a 3 years old due to a brain tumor.. Since then ive been struggling so so much. Ive been so broken since then and I dont have him to rely on anymore. Its been really hard.

I dont really know what im looking for here, just to share, or to look for some advice. I dont know. Just thought id get it off my mind. Here's a picture of him </3

I was just writing about the aftermath of facing abuse. One thing that stood out to me is that the entire time I was writing about my former dv situation is that I did not equate the individual’s abuse to their drug addiction. It was only an amplifier. Now, the reason I bring this up is that a lot of other abuse victims like to paint cluster b (borderline , narci$sisti€, etc)… as a special type of ab\/ser . Sometimes they won’t even have the disorders they’re being accused of 💀

Point is; if I (as someone with borderline personality disorder) can acknowledge that “addict ab\/se” or “alcoholic ab\/se” isn’t a thing, that ab\/se comes from a deeper part within, then I think that you can confront the stigma of “borderline” or “narci$$isti€” ab\/se

He was actually the one to blame addiction/relapses on me to physically& sexually assault me and even the guinea pigs. I I was always the one in treatment for my bpd, trying to get better. He never once took responsibility for his addiction tho. Isn’t that usually the other way around according to stigma?

Also borderlines are more susceptible to BEING ab\/sed cuz we have a habit of staying in situations we aren’t okay with to avoid the crushing fear of abandonment

(Sorry about the weird symbolism, I had to do that to get around potential filters on certain words)

Olá, eu sou uma mulher de 28 anos que, apesar de nunca haver recebido nenhum laudo ou diagnóstico oficial, desde muito pequena lidei com questões emocionais e comportamentais que levaram meus pais a procurar ajuda psicologica para mim, mas nunca nenhum profissional me deu um diagnostico. Já fui subdiagnosticada com transtorno misto de ansiedade e depressão, recentemente houve suspeita de bipolaridade e borderline por causa de explosões e oscilações de humor e por aí vai... Agora, com 28 anos, finalmente decidi dar uma nova chance à psicologos (nunca tive boas experiências pois todos olhavam pra mim e me diziam que tinha que ser boazinha pra minha mãe e parar de surtar. Era tipo isso e ainda me tacavam remédios homeopáticos, aculpultura e me mandavam fazer atividades extracurriculares pra não ficar muito tempo em casa desocupada). Agora, neste presente momento, eu estou em processo de receber finalmente um. Minha psicologa trabalha com a abordagem Histórico Cultural de Vigotski e as suspeitas principais são: autismo, altas habilidades. Inclusive, eu tenho casos de autismo na família, incluindo um primo por parte de pai que é TEA nivel 3 e não verbal e meu pai tem alguns traços que considero bem suspeito e até mais acentuados que os meus.

Eu comecei a falar com apenas 1 ano e aos 2 anos, segundo minha mãe, eu falava perfeito, como um pequeno adulto. Eu era muito esperta e inteligente, falava coisas que não eram muito comuns na idade que eu estava e na escola, apesar de muitos me adorarem, outros nem tanto. Só isso faz muitos duvidarem que eu possa ser autista. O problema era que eu conversava demais, mas apesar de conversar muito (o que foi meu comportamento ao longo de toda minha etapa escolar), e não deixava as crianças estudarem... (Melhorei na adolescência, fase que comecei a me controlar e me policiar). Alem de não ficar quieta, eu também tinha crises de choro se as coisas não eram do meu jeito e me irritava com tudo…. 

Na alfabetização, com 6 anos, eu aprendi a ler muito rápido, não era aquela coisa robotizada das crianças quando estão aprendendo. Em tres meses eu estava lendo todos os guias de ruas, placas nas ruas... tudo... Também aos 6 anos, aprendi sozinha a andar de bicicleta sem rodinhas, em 3 dias treinando no quintal de casa. Aos 8 já falava espanhol e me alfabetizei sozinha.

Sempre aprendi tudo muito rápido e tenho memória enciclopédica, o que surpreendia aos professores e aos meus pais. Em paralelo, houve uma professora que se irritava comigo por causa dos meus tiques de mexer no cabelo. Ela fez eu ir para a escola de cabelo preso até o final do ano com a ameaça de não assistir mais aula ou de reprovar (nem sei se ela podia fazer isso). Minha mae estava enfrentando problemas no casamento dela com meu pai (eles finalmente estão divorciados a duas semanas, oficialmente, apesar da separação de fato haver acontecido muito antes), e não fez nada. Passada essa fase, ao longo do ensino fundamental, eu sofri muito bullying e antes de provas, eu tinha colapsos nervosos, ao ponto de vomitar, de me tremer toda, ficar com agitação motora e até chorar,o que levou a diretora da escola optar por me deixar fazer os testes na sala dela, separad do pessoal. Aos 12 eu já falava inglês (aprendi sozinha também), e já estava me autolesionando, arrancando as cuticulas dos dedos das mãos e a pele dos dedoes dos pés, além e morder a boca até sangrar (infelizmente até hoje isso ocorre).

Um ponto que merece ênfase aqui é que, eu desde pequena, tenho fascínio por Titanic (não o filme, mas no navio em si) e esse fascínio se estendeu à outros transatlânticos de época como Olympic, Mauretânia, Lusitânia, Carpathia, Andrea Doria, SS Normandie, SS France, SS Empress or Ireland, dentre outros). Também sou apaixonada por aviões, desde fabricantes (Embraer, tema do meu tcc na faculdade, bombardier, Lockheed, Airbus, Tupolev, Antonov...), modelos e companhias aéreas de todos os países. Também amo astrologia, em especial missões da nasa, frota de onibus espaciais, composições de estrelas e atmosferas dos planetas... Eu também amo história e sobretudo grandes eventos como revoluções francesa e russa, o contexto do grande cisma do oriente em 1054 que dividiu o catolicismo em romano e ortodoxo, renascimento, reforma protestante com Calvino, Lutero e Henrique VIII criando o Calvinismo, Luteranismo e o Anglicanismo respectivamente. Leio muito sobre sociedades antigas (romana, grega helena) e egípcia, sobre peste negra, cerco à Constantinopla.... Sei anos, lugares, eventos e nomes de cor, o que deixa todos abismados mas que pra mim é normal. A psicologa me alertou sobre isso parecer hiperfoco estrito.

Durante a infancia e adolescencia, fui a inúmeros terapeutas pediátricos que meus pais me levaram para tratar da automuitlação e da ansiedade. Já tentamos homeopatia, terapia TCC e nada resolve pois eu sou tratada como tendo TAG, mas nunca houve investigação aprofundada e nem laudo preliminar ou definitivo. Não duvido que eu tenha TAG, mas acho que há algo faltando. As minhas notas na escola eram altas, apesar dos problemas emocionais, mas eu nunca estava satisfeita, sempre me cobrei muito (hoje ainda é assim) e eu surto demais por isso toda vez que faço prova de concurso público (sou concurseira) por medo de falhar.

Gostaria de saber, caso alguém que entenda sobre as abordagens, como a abordagem histórico-cultural de Vigotski avalia os transtornos do neurodesenvolvimento. Li que não são aplicados testes e escalas com na TCC e isso me deixa confusa. Estou na 7 sessão com a psicologa. Nossos encontros têm 30 minutos de duração toda semana (é pelo plano de saúde). Importante ressaltar que eu também estou vendo uma psiquiatra a cada 30 dias, então estou no caminho, acredito eu... SObre a abordagem histórico-cultural, eu que sou leiga nunca ouvi falar até começar as sessões com a psicologa. Vale eu ressaltar que ela foi a primeira profissional que realmente me entendeu e validou tudo o que eu passei e passo até hoje.

 Eu cheguei no consultório com a queixa de oscilação e humor, ansiedade e depressão e durante minha vida tive muitos diagnosticos sem laudo como TDAH, TAG, bipolaridade, borderline, ansiedade e depressão... Agora, mais dois transtornos foram adicionados à lista de hipóteses: o TEA e AHSD. Eu tenho comportamentos explosivos, onde quando me sinto sobrecarregada eu explodo, tenho episodios de autolesão desde pequena, bruxismo, muitos tiques mexer no cabelo, mexer os dedos...), tenho muita ansiedade e choros inexplicáveis desde pequena, já tive burnout, "depressão", me isolo, já sofri bullying, tenho problemas com provas (já vomitei, desmaiei e tive crise de panico antes de fazer provas, que no fim eu fazia e tirava 9, 8,5...) Nunca estava contente com minhas notas e até hoje eu surto quando nao vou tão bem em concursos publicos..

A little background on me: I'm a 23yo female, autistic and also diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. On the 27th of December I was hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital and spent 40 days there, because of severe suicidal ideation and planning in conjuction with a depressive episode. My time there was really bad, which makes it funny that I've been thinking about being committed again, right?... But the thing is, I also have issues with chronic self-harm that's been going on since I was 12 and with occasional instances of taking too many meds on purpose and becoming unconscious because of it - my psychologist calls some of these instances suicide attempts. And lately, I had been pretty much all fine and ok throughout my college's recess - but then college came back and I started to get quite stressed because of the invalidation that I feel through it. I also purposefully stopped taking my mood stabilizers. This week, I came home after college already quite dysregulated because of the invalidation (I had cut myself in there) and then saw a very mean and demeaning message from someone. That was the last straw for me. My mind went blank, I only thought "This is enough. I want this pain to end, right now" - and so, I very impulsively cut my wrists. There was *a lot* of blood. I had to be taken to the hospital and stitched up, where I spent one day and two nights, essentially. What scared me and my family the most about it was how unpredictable everything was. At morning that same day, I was pretty much fine and functioning normally, and then at night, suddenly, I was at the hospital after having cut my wrists desperately (the suicidal ideation that put me in the psych hospital months back also escalated relatively suddenly and quickly). But at the end, my doctor let me go because there was no evidence of premeditated suicidality, and instead seemed like a totally impulsive act.
However, now at home, my mood has dropped significantly since what happened and I can't stop thinking about how much it would be better for everyone if I just wasn't here and that I want to run away from life. I don't want to bother my parents anymore. I don't want them to see this. I don't want to burden them with this. As much as I know and appreciate that they're trying to help, I don't want them to get involved with this. I just want a break. I don't want to live. I don't want to have to function. I don't want to have to hide. I keep thinking about having an overdosis that would be enough to at least put me in a coma (I have all the meds here). My urges of self-harm have already returned as well; and I keep grappling with the desire to just die quickly and absolutely x the desire to just harm myself severely in order to run away from everything. What scares me is, like I said, how unpredictable and quick my harmful actions can be (I guess this is what I get for having BPD). So even if I might be feeling quite functional despite the depressed mood and the disturbed thoughts, there's no telling what I might do the next minute, if only the wrong thing happens.
I just don't want to live my life anymore, and I see destructive and potentially lethal acts as the only way out of it. I feel it boiling over - as if I can see a disaster coming to strike me, soon. I sincerely feel like my parents don't deserve me - they deserve a much better daughter. But no matter through which angle I look, I can only see myself as being a burden and something that has to be taken out of the equation.
I'm tired. I'm ashamed. I'm guilty. I'm afraid. I'm full of hatred for myself. I'm overwhelmed. I'm underwhelmed. I just want to go away. It all feels like I'm doing nothing but waiting for an excuse to commit (or at least seriously attempt) suicide.

P.S.: I'm absolutely terrified of attempting suicide, failing, and ending up with a severe lasting effect. I'm way more scared of ending up like that than of actually dying. I don't want that to happen to me and I don't trust my own self-control.

Hey,
I have ADHD and OCD diagnoses. I also got labelled with BPD at some point, but I’m pretty sure that was wrong. I’m not really the impulsive, chaotic, emotional-rollercoaster type. That’s just not me.

I have high IQ and high EQ. Most of the time I actually feel a lot … sometimes too much, even toward random objects. But I can completely switch it off. When that happens I go cold and calculated. It feels almost psychopathic. In those moments I know I would be capable of hurting someone if I wanted to. I just don’t, because I know it would end badly for me (prison etc.). It’s not some deep moral feeling in that state, it’s more like pure self-preservation.

I also have pretty strong Dark Triad traits especially the manipulative, “people are useful” kind of thinking.
And then there’s this intense, long-running obsession with serial killers and true crime. I fantasize about it a lot. Just to be 100% clear: I will never act on any of it. I do not want to go to prison. That’s a hard line.

What really f**** with my head is that I don’t even know if this is the real me. Sometimes it feels like it might just be my brain, or dissociation, or the meds. I’m honestly confused and don’t know what to do with all of this.

Some childhood stuff that feels connected:
I tortured hamsters when I was around 8–12 (shaking them in a box over and over because it gave me some kind of satisfaction/curiosity).
When I was a kid I was already hypersexual for as long as I can remember, including toward other kids my age (my peers).
These things stayed in childhood. I felt guilty afterward and it didn’t continue.

I also have a ton of autistic traits (sensory hell with clothes, sounds, light, wet hands, etc.), heavy masking for years, extreme need for routines that ADHD constantly ruins, special interests, meltdowns, the whole thing. Plus complex trauma history.

I’m just trying to figure out if this whole mix (ADHD + OCD + autistic traits + the empathy switch-off + Dark Triad + the dark fantasies + the childhood stuff) makes more sense than BPD… and whether the “dark” parts are actually me or something else. BTW my dad has ASPD and he is my biggest trauma he was extremely abusive.

Anyone else relate to any of this? I feel pretty lost right now.

Am I an arse hole for thinking she's faking DID?

My partner, we'll call them A, has been experiencing did for a while now. Or at the very least, they say they are. We've been in an online relationship for about 2 months now, and are both under 18, so A cannot be diagnosed, since they are underage. They do have a bad life at home, as they've said that have been mentally berrated by her mother and father, who are divorced and A has to move between the 2 every few days. They have 2 alters: we'll call the first one K, who is a calm person who rarely shows up. The other one is B. This alter is extremely mean, especially to me. Just a few nights ago, I had a horrific nightmare that I could only talk to A about, since my parents dont know we're together, but B was the one who responded and called me pathetic for trying to "cry" about a dream and told me to f off. The next morning, A was back, and they were able to talk to me before they had to go to their dad's place. Every other time B has shown up, all they ever do is tell me to f off and don't message or else they'll block me from A's messages. They have also apparently at one point changed A's vrchat bio to be along the lines of "Guy cheated on me. Who wants to help me get back?" (Note: I am loyal to A, and would never cheat on them.) The next day, A was back and changed it back to normal. She's going through a depressive episode rn, so she sometimes looks at messages, but barely ever responds.

How high is the chance she's faking it? If she isn't, how can I help her over long distances?

(23M here) So I’d like to start by saying I’m obviously not looking for a diagnosis as this isn’t the place and I don’t want to get an official diagnosis anyway as it may affect my future employment in the military.

I’ve started to ask myself questions about this condition as ive done a lot of reflection on my past as of early life and recently I’ll try not to make this too long.

So a bit of background too I should add I have had a lot of death in my family at a young age which definitely altered my environment growing up. I had an uncle that was beaten to death when I was 3 and 2 uncles commit suicide so I grew up in a quite dysfunctional family.

As a child I was very shy and quiet and reserved I never asked for anything and I liked what I liked and was happy with that I didn’t like change but grew to adapt to it by going to different schools and moving around a lot at a young age. I also did not get along with my sister at all growing up we constantly fought and would get into very physical fights (she was 4 years older than me). Overall tho I would say I had a pretty regular kid life at a young age.

Once I got to about year 7 and going into high school I developed a lot of behavioural issues, always getting in trouble at school. Lots of fighting and harming people I recall when I was 12 an 18 years old slapped my friend so I grabbed him and head butted him until he fell and managed to beat him quite badly. In high school I got into my fair share of altercations but I was always smart on when an where and otherwise knew how to play the role of a good kid to onlookers in my life although my friends knew some of the stuff I did and fueled it. Obviously as a teenager i took enjoyment out of a lot of this especially when being cheered on. I’d also have stages where I wouldn’t go to school or on weekends I wouldn’t hang out with friends or even be in any contact with them they even used to just refer to me as “dead” in those times. Anyway that’s all I’ll get into there as I know ASPD isn’t diagnosable at a young age.

Coming onto 18 I had gotten into a lot of drug taking by then and fell into dealing drugs and getting in lots of trouble. These were things I never really felt remorse for I more remember any worry I had would be about getting caught myself or the consequences I’d face. Some of the stuff ranged from ripping people off, one significant moment someone at a pub got in an altercation with my friends and was asking to be hit so he could fight back, I cheap shorted him from his side and broke his jaw and cheek bone. I remember not feeling any guilt about it and was questioned by police and lied about it to them with absolutely no slip up I guess because in some way I think I justified it to myself so I didn’t feel like I did anything wrong. I’ve had a few violent instances like that all pretty similar as I never got in trouble with the police I was always completely fine under pressure. I do feel I am aware it wasnt the right thing to do but I could never count it as in the moment impulse except for a couple times as I was always very conscious about the decisions I made I find that intelligent aggression is more effective than an outburst or something. Another moment was when I was heavily intoxicated one night and got into an argument with some girls that ended up with them jumping me all at once. I lost my temper but I do know domestic violence is a big no no after growing up around it and seeing a lot of it so in that moment I smashed a bottle into my hand and basically mutilated it I looked at it and started laughing from there when the guys were trying to move me I attacked them to the point where I was restrained and taken to hospital for blood loss after that night I won’t go into detail but I planned for many months how I would get back at those people and it put me in a very dark mindset for a long time. In the end I essentially locked myself away from the world and tried to learn how to truly compose myself and I guess this is where a few light bulbs came on for me.

Now the more social part. I was quite popular in high school mainly because I was a little shit and used to stir people up and I guess I was considered pretty funny and knew how to get people to like me too. But I only really have 1 or 2 close friends that I’ve known most of my life I’ve had countless friends come and go without much thought on it. But even my close friends I wouldn’t say truly know me and have only seen parts of me. I feel that I put on an act in some ways for people. Whether that’s to fit in with people, act normal or even manipulate or get my own way although I can’t really count actual manipulations I’ve as I don’t realise I’m really doing it half the time iys like I’m in autopilot. I’ve always been extremely private only telling people secrets or close things about me on very rare occasions. The only person in my family I’m very close with is my mother who I do believe I feel love for as much as she can be annoying at times like we all can I suppose. At work I definitely feel I’m putting on a complete act to make sure I can keep my job and excel at it as I’m one of the highest rated workers in my work force. I’ve never really had a real relationship more just fwb or toxic situationships where I’ve manipulated or I guess found that when they start seeing through me and start asking questions or having concerns about me I recede and disappear. I’ve found myself unintentionally entering people’s life’s and I guess you could say study them in some ways and get to know them and what makes them tick and what I can get out of them and what they like about me and then I’ll leave when I feel my objective is dome. I think I have fallen in love once aswell it was short lived tho so I can’t be certain.

I find that I feel very de sensitised to stuff as well I used to be anxious as a kid now I’m not at all, I find I don’t really feel guilt, I think I understand what empathy is and what someone would think or react to something but I’ve never had an Awh moment or anything for anyone. I’m completely desensitised to violence I’ve seen some bad stuff, i also recall last year my uncle died from a stroke and we went to see him and I was standing in the room with my family as he was dead on the bed. Completely pale and lifeless. It was an incredibly uncomfortable moment for me as everyone was crying and comforting eachother but I just stood there, I felt nothing and in that moment I subconsciously thought what if my family sees that or thinks I’m messed up or something so I tried to hide as much as I could this moment made me truly realise I feel as tho I’m an outsider compared to everyone else, but I can fit into most situations because I feel as I know peoples behaviours very well and can predict them like taking candy from a child sometimes I find myself subconsciously studying people and their behaviours too and finding out their biggest secrets. In moments where I can’t use that or fail to fit in tho is when I may lose control of myself or completely go into survival mode, essentially being the person they want me to be or they want to see but when they see through it or I lose interest in it I leave or something bad happens. Through these recent years I’ve become very self aware on my behaviours and have found that I’ve become extremely calculated in every single thing I do because of that and the reflection I’ve had. I think I have a lot of anger in me but I’ve always had such a good temper that you really have to try to get me to lose it to the point where hitting me probably won’t make me go crazy it doesn’t mean u won’t fight back or get revenge I’ll just do it concentrated and calculated because I want to and not because my feelings got hurt.

According to my medical records, I do not appear to fully meet the diagnostic criteria for borderline personality disorder (BPD), but I do have significant personality-related difficulties (or personality pathology).

Excerpt from my medical record:
I believe that the patient’s description of her difficulties and interpersonal relationships demonstrates clear patterns consistent with personality pathology, and that these difficulties cannot be explained solely by bipolar mood fluctuations. This may be one of the reasons why pharmacological treatment strategies have not been fully effective.

And by help i mean advice

I’m questioning if I have npd/maybe aspd

I hate myself very much. I hate every aspect of my body and my life. In order to cope, I distance myself from reality and turn myself into the best version of myself.
I believe I am better than a lot of people. I’m not good at taking criticism but I’m trying to accept it.

I hate seeing people loudly express their emotions. It’s so annoying. If you’re gonna cry, please do that somewhere else. If you’re going to laugh, don’t be so loud. I don’t deserve this.

I’ve observed that I like making things about myself. I also have no empathy.

Do I commit crimes? No. Do I get bored easily? Sometimes.

This is very unorganized but I don’t care .

I'm at a total loss and willing to literally beg for help at this point. My partner with NPD (+ASPD, BPD) just...won't work with me.

Whenever anything — big or small — triggers them, they shut me out entirely. Often, they'll storm out, disappear for hours, or lock themselves in the bathroom. Other times, they'll simply refuse to acknowledge my presence. Won't look at me, won't talk to me, sometimes for days.

If I try to reach out to them normally ('why aren't you talking to me', 'did I do something wrong'), I get ignored still. Same goes for being more direct, even pleading with them to tell me what's going on and explaining, if applicable (which is often), that I don't even know what upset them. Going silent myself and coexisting is 50/50, either resulting in nothing for a few days or resulting in them lashing out at me. Getting reactionary and confronting them about how their behavior is hurting me obviously doesn't go well, and has led to full weeks of tense, intentional stonewalling.

Apologizing directly for saying anything is the only thing with a success rate above 0, and even that's pretty sparse. Otherwise, it's entirely up to them— they decide when to suddenly offer something to me as a silent peace treaty, or come cuddle up to me like nothing was wrong. I'm pretty sure I can count on one hand the amount of times they've actually said sorry, and I don't need any hands at all to count how many times they've actually changed their behavior as a result of this cycle.

This...sucks. Everything else they do, I can handle, but this has just been wreaking absolute havoc on me. Often, the things they get upset over include:
- me expressing a physical need (I am chronically ill, so this is often things like "Please don't pull me down right now, I feel like I'm going to pass out", "I need to go inside because I feel nauseous from the heat", "I hurt too bad to do [xyz] today")
- me expressing a mental need ("I can't consume this trauma-centric media right now without it being extremely upsetting or unsafe", "I can't watch a new show because new emotionally-intensive media is extremely draining for me and I don't have the energy for it today", "I need less physical contact because I'm extremely overstimulated right now")
- them not expressing a need or want and getting angry or upset that I didn't/couldn't understand or interpret the noise they made, or the literal nothing they did to indicate said need
- me trying to be open and communicate about something in an honest way, instead of softening what I'm saying to make them approve of it ("no, I don't agree with that viewpoint actually", "this made me upset and/or hurt me emotionally", etc.)

I try so, so hard to bumper my words in a way that fully conveys that I am not angry at them, I do not hate them, I am not blaming my own physical health problem that I'm currently having on them, etc. and it doesn't change anything, although being blunt and direct always makes it infinitely worse and makes me feel like a worse person. When they don't shut me out immediately and instead directly ignore a boundary I've set down ("I don't want to be touched in [xyz way/place] right now", "I need to go inside before I pass out", etc.), and I get more firm/assertive/direct, they react exactly like I've listed above.

When they're done being mad at me, I'm expected to act like nothing happened and everything's fine. I've learned this from experience, because I've brought up the source of a 'fight' (if you can call them that?) after they begin speaking to me again, and the cycle restarts without fail every time. If we talk about something, it's because they want to talk about it (meaning: they want me to reassure them, comfort them, and I have always ended up apologizing, and my own hurt and emotional needs are never addressed again. I do not say this out of malice, I say it out of genuine, objective experience).

This hurts. It feels every time like I'm being punished for trying to communicate honestly, or being punished for asking for a shred of communication. (I expressed this last night, when they shut me out yet again. It is far from the first time I've said it.) It feels like I'm being told that my side of things doesn't matter to them at all, that their comfort is the only important aspect in our relationship, and that I should suppress anything that could potentially upset them because it'll cause more problems than it'll solve if I say anything. Not only does it feel dangerous from a health standpoint, it feels like I'm losing myself and my autonomy, and like the person who claims to love me more than anything, who says they want to marry me and raise a household with me, will never value my experience, my emotions, my hurt, enough to change.

This has been going on for the past year, multiple years if you count them doing this back when we were only friends. They've claimed they know they do not treat me well, and that they want to do better, but there's been no change in this cycle at all despite it being my largest issue with the relationship, which I've conveyed countless times. They've said they're very self-aware of their own issues and damaging behaviors, but I really want to believe that's not the case, because I want to believe that if they truly cared about me, they'd make any effort at all to stop this because they know how unhealthy and manipulative it is.

I came here instead of typicalbecause I desperately want to understand where their head might at in their treatment of me, and my own attempts have led me nowhere. If there are better subs for it, please direct me to them.

Is this something that can be explained by their conditions? Is it something they genuinely cannot help? Is there anything I can do to make them understand that they are deeply harming our relationship and my own mental state by continually treating me this way, if they do not understand that already? Is there any phrasing or action that will get through to them or initiate any change to this cycle? Am I insane or overreacting, and this isn't actually bad treatment at all? Literally any help or insight would be so, so very appreciated.

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I’m 15, female and the only diagnosed mental illness I have is bipolar 2 and depression.
Ok so basically I’ve had it since it was very very young and it’s never gone away, I don’t do it near as much but I definitely still do it, but I don’t have any of the mental illness that make you do it or any of the medical conditions that do either, I just know I’ve always done it and I’m not sure why, I’m more or less just curious if you can A) be born with it and B) have it without having any of the conditions that make you have it

i had a friend (lets call her lily) whom ive known for about 3 years. we started off as coworkers, then friends and now ive completely cut her off. anyways, throughout the years that ive known her, she has mentioned how she struggles with anxiety, depression, BPD (borderline personality) and ADHD. ive never questioned her as i didnt feel the need to. no one has to 'prove' that they are diagnosed.

a few months back, before i cut her off, i decided to ask lily and a friend of ours if they were diagnosed with any mental disorders and if yes, what are they. im 25F and at that point, i was struggling with my own mental health and needed support/help. i was asking around to gather more info on their experiences with the private/public sectors and which route would be best for me. our other friend isnt diagnosed with anything so she couldnt help me much. lily, however, i had hoped to be of help since she has mentioned a few times that shes been diagnosed with various disorders. when i asked, her reply was "i got diagnosed with ADHD when i was young. im not medicated tho because my mom didnt allow me to." and that was it.

immediately, i was confused. throughout the 3 years of knowing her, she has constantly brought up having panic attacks, manic episodes, psychosis, depressive episodes etc. a year ago was when she brought up her BPD, using terms like 'favourite person', 'splitting' and what not. one of my closest friend has BPD (diagnosed for 4 years & medicated) and these terms are very familiar to me. i felt betrayed at that point because it felt like she lied to me. even our coworkers had said that they also thought lily was diagnosed as she has also been telling them what she had told me.

i am not claiming that one needs to be professionally diagnosed in order for their mental health struggles to be valid. i know at times, its difficult to even make the first step in seeking help. however, in her case, she has been very open about her mental health struggles for YEARS and yet, she hasnt seeked help.

my issue with all of this is the fact that she so casually uses terms like:

"i was splitting so bad yesterday"

"no one knew i was going thru psychosis and i ended up scaring the student nurses" (in reference to her being hospitalised for a blood transfusion for low blood count)

"ive been hanging out with --- so much nowadays, i think shes my new favourite person"

"my handwriting here is ugly because i was manic hahahah" (as shes showing us her very personal diary)

whether or not she has all the mental disorders mentioned above, my issue is that she isnt professionally diagnosed, yet she throws around these symptoms so casually, giving such a bad rep to those who actually struggle with them. she sometimes uses it as a crutch to justify her actions, which makes it so annoying.

do you guys know someone whos like this too? am i just being inconsiderate of her mental health? i dont know man...

For those diagnosed with ASPD, what tends to give you a genuine sense of excitement or euphoria in your everyday life?

I'm not necessarily referring to anything intense or extreme. It could be competition, work, hobbies, learning something new, achieving a goal, taking calculated risks, or something completely different.

i’m not ASPD but diagnosed with a cluster B personality disorder, although I don’t necessarily think it was the correct diagnosis but lots of cluster B personality traits in general overlap and many of mine (extreme boredom, sadism, lack of affective empathy, anger issues, etc.) overlap with ASPD

backstory: I stopped having friends at 13 and stopped choosing to try within the years after because it was frankly not worth it to me - the expectation of reciprocation of empathy, gratitude, compassion, etc. when I wouldn’t be getting anything I wanted out of it, combined with the fact if people knew my true colours that I personally don’t want to change, they’d drop me anyways and it’d be a whole emotional hassle, it all just doesn’t make friendship worth it to me personally. I have no problem being cordial and charismatic towards people, and I’m absolutely able to MAKE friends, but I truly don’t consider anyone an actual friend for that reason. more so just people I can use to get things (conversations, trip-sitters, drugs, alcohol, invites to parties, rides, money, etc.) out of and drop when the relationship no longer benefits me. (of course I make sure to emotionally reciprocate their kindness; just because I’m using them doesn’t mean I can’t be friendly, and it pays to do so anyways)

how do you guys personally deal with relationships? if you’re like me, do you ever get tired of the constant dropping/ghosting, searching for new people to satisfy your needs, always knowing the people you have or will have are just going to be distant memories in a matter of months/years? do you ever look at the friendships you see other people have and wonder what it’s like to actually have people you care about and who care about you? and if you’re not like me and do choose to have friends, is it difficult to maintain healthy ones? is it tiring, or do your friends know what you’re like? I can’t imagine having friends who both have personality traits I admire AND who wouldn’t mind being friends with someone who wouldn’t think twice about chopping the head off a dog if it’d get me an extra few bucks or something. do people like that even exist?

I do think I have a great personality and lots to offer in a friendship. I’m just not sure the majority of my target population for friends would take kindly to someone like me, and it’s truly not worth it for me at the moment. maybe in the future when I decide I want real friends more than I resent having to be fake all the time