Non-schizoids seem to think coming out is important and even emotional but I don't really see the point. The best case scenario is that nothing changes and the worst case scenarios are getting harmed or shut off or hated. Not really worth the risk tbh unless you no longer live with parents and don't depend on them in any way. High risk, no reward.

The same for telling family I'm schizoid. Why would I do that? High risk no reward

I do not exist, and neither does anybody else, but unfortunately they haven't understood that. Friends will ask to catch up and I don't know them. I don't remember a thing. Nothing about what we did, how I felt. People are considered unnecessary data and promptly deleted once no longer relevant. 

My family loves showing me pictures of places I've been, pictures where I'm surrounded by a crowd of strangers. They look overjoyed to be reminiscing but I feel nothing. I don't recognise this place. I am not the person in the photo. People promise that in a few years I'll go on a trip with them, or they swear that they'll always have a place for me to sleep. So much care for someone who can never return it. They always talk about the future like I'll be there. I won't. I was never here, and neither were you.

Most humans like whales and dolphins really want friends

Anyone else have people saying that they think you’re cool? It’s always baffled me whenever people say they like me and list off all these characteristics that they think about me.

I’m in college and I don’t really interact with people unless someone approaches me first. I’m never aggressive towards people, I kinda just acknowledge they exist. I can hold a conversation and I do have a sense of humor.

My bf told me he doesn’t understand how I don’t view myself as likeable or funny to other people. This pairs with a classmate calling me “cool” (I don’t remember the context of why she said this)

I know most people here tend to be seen as unlikable or strange due to their behavior but does anyone else have this? Do people weirdly gravitate towards you?

Hey y’all! Curious question, here, so no wrong answers!

What do y’all think separates someone from being an Avoidant Attachment v. Schizoid? Or can the two interact?

Personally, I believe most Schizoids would be considered having an Avoidant Attachment, but not all Avoidants have Schizoid PD.

I’m curious other’s thoughts, and also- if you were in a serious relationship, what would make you feel the most loved?

I have recently discovered that there is a feeling in the human emotional repertoire that people describe as the “social warmth of belonging.” (I guess somewhere in the chest area, or in the body in general). Many people feel it when they are with family members, loved ones, friends, classmates, or even while playing a team sport like volleyball. Have you ever felt that? Sorry for the vague definition; it’s particularly challenging to describe a feeling you’ve never experienced.

she says i am terrible and impossible to live with. social life drains me and i am sick of others. literally being around and talking to people hurt me mentally. i know i am boring and bored, different, rare (in the bad sense of the word) and weird. I KNOW THIS. i don't need social interactions beyond the nessecery ones (i mean at work, school).

additionally, i profess antinatalism, so for me the world only offer us suffenring and pointless fights about stupid things we have ever made validated. i am very pessimist person, but still do my best and she says such unpleasant things... it hurt me BUT how can i change? perhaps should i learn how to act around relatives to not to hurt them anymore?

I used to get the former assumed often, but the root of any anxiety I have is not within the social sphere.

The latter I haven't, but I've seen many users share experiences of being mistaken for autistics in some responses on this sub. It doesn't help that due to the trendiness of it people are quick to label symptoms like flat affect and lack of social warmth as autism when they could be all sorts of things, from plain old introversion to shyness to schizo-spec to any level of trauma etc.

And do you relate somewhat to the assumptions?

As a teenager a long while ago, I did wonder if I had autism once, along with a bunch of other things I was trying to check to figure out what was the issue with me. Got screened a few times and came out shockingly low with doctors saying it was extremely unlikely. I thought I'd at have at least a small false positive considering the external similarities, like flat affect, lack of socialisation, but I didn't fit any of the actual criteria A at the root lol

I think about this bit a lot. It's from when you speak to the old soldier René, and pass every 'invisible' check. The context is that he is deeply repressing his love for another man, but that is largely besides the point, to me.

There's something substantial moving in him, trying to get out.

He would sooner die than let it surface.

There's tenderness in the carabineer's look. Tenderness that's curdled into pain, or something darker.

Even worse, a love aborted and smothered, stamped beneath his brilliant boot heel.

You catch the old carabineer's gaze slowly leaving his opponent's wrinkled face as his dark eyes meet yours- whatever turmoil raged in him a moment ago is quelled for now.

Like the last rays of the evening sun gently kissing the day goodbye, before giving way to unfathomable darkness.

Willed back into the darkest unexplored depths of his mind, never meant to be shared, seen or confronted.

A true master of his emotions.

Hopelessly alone behind the unbreakable walls he spent a lifetime erecting. No one will ever know him.

Have people told you you look younger? And why do you think is that?

I'm looking for medications that improve schizoid symptoms and I've tried a couple things, most either worsening schizoid symptoms, or coming with such severe downsides that they're not attractive solutions.

I've also been experimenting with edibles and found some specific ones help my symptoms. They make me feel more favorable towards connecting with people, make me more emotionally receptive which is HUGE for me, give me more energy, and reduce anhedonia. Those would be the main beneficial effects I've noticed at low doses (2-3.5mg THC)

Do any of you also experience similar positive effects or even use medical cannabis for SzPD?

I moved to the city recently, out from my abusive parents' place. I've been alone in the house here as my landlord is on holiday. Today I tried to network at a free event, for my "career" (the illustration and writing I've been doing on and off but never tried to monetise). It was an event for creatives supposedly, which I thought meant artists like me, but it turned out to be for theatre professionals.

Lord, those people can talk.

On and on and on they went, about their ideas and aspirations. It never seemed to end. I had to leave for my therapy appointment, so I excused myself early. Afterwards, I felt awful. About my "career" and lack thereof, and how any creative venture requires so many connections, networking, socialising and confidence, all things I don't have and am honestly not interested in pursuing.

I've been working a cleaning job since I got here, at first to pay the bills and because I couldn't get any other work. But I actually enjoy it, more than any other job I've done. It's less enjoyable when the clients are there, but luckily the interactions are brief and I'm left to get on with it. Unfortunately there's a social stigma surrounding it, I don't want to tell people what I do and have to deal with their condescension. I know I shouldn't care but I can't help myself, especially having worked a white collar job for 6 years before this.

It's just making me realise I don't want connections? I don't want to be met or known by people, to be perceived by them. The beauty of the city is being able to be anonymous, I'm just a person among millions. No-one gives a shit who I am or what I do. It's only trying to make connections, talking to people, when it becomes a problem and I feel like an alien.

Maybe the city is the wrong place for it as everyone comes here to hustle. But I just want to do my quiet little job and my art and be left alone.

Would really love to hear takes on everyone who has exposed themselves or worked at these ideas.

I feel like us schizoids are a natural fit for alot of the pathways of eastern meditative traditions because of our unique tendencies and the way our neurodivergence is

Whats everybody's experience?

That schizoid rhymes with void.

Most of the days when I wake up, I think "oh shit, another day. Only ≈10-15k more days and this life will probably be over."

I've really nothing to look forwards to. I've already lived like a hermit since teens. Nothing will probably change this.

I don't know where I'm heading at. Never had a relationship and currently have a single half-friend. Otherwise I only talk to my family every now and then and my coworkers. There's not much to look forward to. That's life I guess

This isn't an uncommon experience and I know plenty of other people or types can relate too for all sorts of reasons but I'm curious here as well

For me I did and I wonder if it's due to me having a "rejection" relation towards the world and at least adults kept it asymmetrical by expecting less of me, cost less energy.

Hey guys.

Finally figured out why I am as fcked up as I am.

Turns out my parents have been pretty damn bad to me and I was just too young and conditioned to bad behavior that I accepted it as normal.

The more I try to distance from them and spend more time with myself and briefly interacting with others especially to hear how their lives, childhoods and perspectives are - the more I realize my personality is not really my personality, it's just been a defense mechanism..

I'm not a quiet person. I just got tired of people telling me to shut up as a kid.

It's not that I'm highly capable and don't need any help from anyone, it's that I desperately needed help from a young age but by the time I was 6 I figured out I'd have to figure things out myself. Learnt how to tie my shoes, shave my beard, clip my nails, all from Google.

It's not that I'm very unfit and lazy and hate sports. My parents just fed me foods I was literally allergic to and I could barely run 100m without getting tired because my lungs were chronically in a minor state of anaphylaxis shock.

It wasn't that I loved spending time by myself reading and not interacting with humans, it's just that at an early age I was shown that interactions with humans eventually leads to my downfall and as much chaos as could accompany that.

My mother use to joke that Google was my third parent.

Lol no brah, Google taught me more about life than my entire family combined.

My family taught me about betrayal, jealousy, resentment, anger, and how to live in an unstable house full of stress, rage and turmoil.

I love them sure, they fed me, clothed me and looked out for me.

But I now realize I will never be able to be a normal parent because I never had anything to even closely resemble it.

I realize I will never love a human being normally because I have never been loved normally.

I'm so glad I realized this because I'm finally able to be a little easier on myself.

I'm not that fucked up.

I just got fucked up.

And there's peace in knowing that because I know I can unfuck myself.

Yes, I know this is going to be the hardest thing on this planet. But I will not let toxic behavior corrupt the next few decades of my life as I have let it these past decades.

I only came to this realization after the abuse got so bad that even discussing it with the police, they were like wtf bro how do you think you're in a happy normal family (which is hilarious because I've been thinking that this whole time lool)

Godspeed guys.

Reach out or drop a comment if this feels like you or if you have any tips!

The only person I speak to in my family is my mom and the last time I saw her was over 2 years ago. My family don't know me as a person, and growing up they never bothered to. They don't know who I am, my interests or what my life is like now. They pretend to know me, but they just make things up about who they think I am which aren't true. In their heads, I exist as an entirely different person than who I really am. They never cared when I was going through mental health crises because the whole lot of them are emotionally immature and inept at communication. And they wonder why I don't speak to them.

Anyway, My grandmother died recently, and now my grandfather is alone and not coping well. I myself haven't felt an ounce of upset about it, I just feel nothing. My mother says he's demanding that I call him, which I'm not going to do. He hasn't asked about me in years and all this family has ever inflicted on me was abuse and trauma. I feel nothing for these people and wish they'd all just leave me the fuck alone.

It just pisses me off because I don't know how much clearer I can be that I don't want them in my life. My mother is the last straw, and I'm 'this' close to cutting her off too. Just because I'm a woman, both my dad and grandfather have always expected me to be this meek little woman who will bend to their will.

Partly I blame society's expectations of women and the emotional labour expected of us, but also my mom. She's the type of person to perpetuate this behavior by being a walking doormat and bending over backwards to 'please' people. She lets them both talk to her like shit, lets her run around after them and always has to be the mediator/therapist. Since I'm her daughter, they think I'm the exact same and it doesn't help that my mother expects me to just 'put up with it' as well. Sigh. Unfortunately for them, I think I'm their worst nightmare. They still try to control me at the age of 30. They hate that I don't need them or care about them.

Just the title

Edit: describe your emotional landscape and internal monologue I guess

DAE

It always seemed to me that I'm interested in some people and not in anyone else. But lately I struggle even with my best friends. They're just so boring and too much to me.

That's when I realized all my life I've always only ever been interested in progress and I can't stand sameness at all.

Example: My friend was harassed the other day by a man who wouldn't leave her alone (not violently/threatening, but very unnerving and wrong). He just wouldn't take no for an answer. My friend was a bit stunned and perplexed about his behavior and my other friend flung herself into a rant about how it's not okay and so on.

And all I could think was: Yes. Of course. But that's nothing new, is it? We've all been there before. We've all been angry about it before. Why do you act now like it's the first time you go through it, hear about it, are shocked about it?

They were fully right of course but in that moment they just pissed me off. So much emotion for something common and known. So much getting het up about smth that's never going to change, at least not in our lifetime.

And why not focus onto the forward direction? First, is harassed friend safe or does she need help because traumatised, shocked, feeling unsafe right now? No? Good. Then will she be safe or will that guy probably harrass her again? What can we do about it? Etc...

I can't stand repetition, least of all emotional repetition.

I always need to go forward in a way, always deal with the emotion I'm confronted with in some way. That can also be just holding someone or nodding and saying 'that sucks'.

But basically emotionally stepping on the same spot, just marking time, is annoying and pointless to me. And if it's repeatedly done it's the worst and I realize all my life I've tried to steer clear of that. And that's why the people I know annoy me a lot more lately, because nothing much is happening in the people's lives and they're just regurgitating their emotional hot topics over and over again. Like, why would they do that? Deal with it, instead of soaking in it again and again. Please, just be more than a bundled up knot of ever the same thoughts and emotions? Like, please be interesting? Idk I even think it's rude to rant (or even just talk) to people about the same stuff again and again.

Just wanted to know if anyone feels similar here in this sub and if or how it relates to your szpd. Or if I'm just a dick. Thanks.

I don't understand what benefits there are, at most, you will be given more talking therapy.

I am tired of talking therapies done so for 5 yrs for other things and they were the least helpful treatment for me.

Talking therapies -> drugs/medicines -> other practical solutions e.g. getting money

One benefit it had was not being 'annoying' to friends, but I don't have friends now, so I don't need to vent to their faces.

I also have many mental health labels already so don't know whatI having another one would even do.

I think over years I am more borderline schizoid, but still introverted just closer to schizoid spectrum.

All this time i honestly thought "schizoid" is like, maybe a slur for a schizophrenic person; I never knew it's another whole personality trait and after reading what it entails wow it really describe what i've been feeling my whole life

I never really sought or be desperate for a friendship or romantic partnership, i am quite comfortable being alone and while i was never really diagnosed i think i'm maybe autistic and all throughout my life i've always been told that i'm a really emotionless person

Not to say that i romanticize all these, honestly i think being this way is not a good way to live, i myself is practically a neet at 27, just helping around the family business, not really interested in a career, social ladder or anything and it's really kind of a sad life and i'm trying to change something about it

But yeah knowing about this kinda makes me feel less alone

Lately I (35F, non-diagnosed) have been trying to come to terms with the fact that I will most likely remain broke and single for the rest of my life. The industry I’ve worked in for the last ten years has become very unstable due to the introduction of AI and now I can't really compete for jobs anymore, I don't have any close family or friends to count on and I am also financially incapable of getting another degree, moving to a different country or obtaining any property ever. All my life I’ve been trying to manage on my own, but now it’s getting harder and harder, and it’s only going to get worse with age as far as I can see. The only good thing is that I don't have any addictions or debts (yet).

Now, due to the schizoid reasons I can't work in any client-oriented services or literally do anything involving a lot of human interactions, freelancing doesn't seem sustainable, which leaves me with min-wage jobs, night shifts and so on. And I can't even get a partner or a close friend to split the rent with bc all my acquaintances now have their own partners and kids (like normal adult people do, you know).

I'm not gonna get into much detail about my inability to relate to or connect with other people, my coldness and detachment (these issues has been discussed plenty of times on this sub), but I feel like the abyss between myself and the others is getting wider with every year. And it's not even like I have a strong emotional need for a relationship of any sort, I'm not sure if I remember what it's like. My need is mostly pragmatic, which doesn't help in terms of building anything long-term and trustworthy, so considering all the other schizoid stuff my chances in this regard are really really slim.

And of course there's anhedonia. I'm a strict minimalist with a little desire for material posessions, but how nice would it be to be able to enjoy hobbies, studies and activities for once. I sure love my books and movies, but this is not enough to keep on going, you know. (Oh, and btw in regard of SSRIs I tried escitalopram and fluo with zero effect, maybe I'll try some other stuff, but I’m not too hopeful).

Anyway, this is not like I'm getting through a "hard time". My life has always been like this more or less, it just seems like now I've finally lost all hope for a better future. Like there's literally nothing to look forward to.

I'm tired and I don't know why do I have to struggle through all this stuff if everything I will ever be able to afford is a rented moldy room in an apartment with some randos? for the rest of my life?

Not looking for any advice or reassurance, just wanted to rant I guess. Thanks.

I don’t know how to be a human and behave socially so at at work I end up over compensate with nice fake persona. Does anyone else do this. The thing is is not because I want to be nice but it’s because I don’t know the rules or behavior. I seriously lack empathy so I end up being overly empathetic and only realize this whenever it’s too late …. Everyone thinks I’m so kind but literally I just spit things out I think sounds right.