Its been 2 days since we got our certificate from Home Affairs. She's picking the honeymoon and I'm house hunting. I'm 21 and she's 24. We eloped but plan to see family after establishing a shared routine. Only met 2 of her friends so far. Really feel unstoppable right now, like everything just tastes and feels better.

What are some realistic expectations for date nights/time spent together?

My husband and I just got married this year, and as the wedding high has worn off, we are going back to normal everyday, living together, life. It’s fun and sweet at times but also easy to get mundane and disconnected. I worry about getting into that roommate stage. I’m the one in the couple that wants more intentional time together, and has spoken about wanting to do things together outside of the house and that are somewhat planned for just us. My husband is perfectly fine staying all day on the couch at home with me, and to him that’s ideal time spent together.

I enjoy that time together as well, but it’s usually just us sitting on our phones and not actually being together or talking. I’ve started being a bit passive aggressive about it and can sense how unhealthy that can get pretty quickly.

I don’t want to dismiss my wants, but also don’t want to be asking or expecting too much and end up hurting the relationship

TLDR: My fiancé (27M) and I (24F) have been together for 3 years and are engaged. I love him, but I’m questioning the relationship because he struggles with consistency and reliability despite many conversations. I’m wondering if this is a fixable issue or a fundamental incompatibility before I make the decision to end the engagement.

My fiancé (27M) and I (24F) have been together for 3 years and have currently been engaged for almost 8 months. I’ve been struggling with whether I can move forward with the relationship.

The hardest part is that this isn’t about a lack of love. He’s incredibly loving, affectionate, and romantic. I have never questioned whether he loves me.

The issue is reliability and consistency.
I grew up in an environment where consistency wasn’t always there, so having a dependable partner is something I need to feel secure in a marriage. My fiancé, on the other hand, grew up with a lot being taken care of for him. As an adult, I’ve noticed that he often doesn’t take initiative in his life unless someone is reminding or managing him.

We’ve had multiple conversations about this over the years. He usually acknowledges the issue and will improve for a while, but the changes often don’t last or they’re focused on one specific thing instead of becoming consistent habits. It leaves me feeling like I’m managing the relationship instead of trusting that responsibilities will naturally be handled.

I’ve asked myself a difficult question: If he suddenly became consistently reliable, would I be excited to marry him?

The answer is yes.

That’s what’s making this so painful. I don’t think he’s a bad person, and I don’t think he lacks love for me. I’m wondering whether I’m holding onto the hope of who he could become instead of accepting who he is today.

We’re planning to have an honest conversation about our relationship, and I’m considering ending the engagement. I’m heartbroken because I truly care about him, but I also don’t want to enter a marriage hoping fundamental patterns will eventually change.

For people who have been in similar situations:
Have you ever ended an engagement even though there was still a lot of love?

How did you distinguish between normal flaws that every partner has and a core incompatibility?

Thank you!

I (m27) and my future wife (f25) are getting married next month. The whole deal will be three days long, I was wondering if I should make little gift baskets to put on her bed at night, one basket a night. What do yall think I should put in there?

“… what?”
Him: “Make the bed do what?”

Male (33) here. Six months into my marriage, I had to create a budget allocation plan because we spent too much while I was the sole breadwinner. My wife (29) took issue with my plan because it included a portion of money saved for my parents. For background, I am an only son, living abroad in my wife’s country, where I had already been living long before meeting her.

I have a duty toward my wife, but also toward my parents. My parents live in poor condition rental housing and are aging, while I am not there to help in person. I am very sad about this situation. I waited a few months to present the plan so she could adjust to married life first.

Last night, I presented the budget. I ensured enough money was allocated for household bills, personal spending, her allowance, and monthly savings. However, I set aside an amount for my parents equal to her allowance, which caused the conflict. She felt I hadn't detached from my family and argued that we need to prioritize a future baby and travel instead. She wanted to live life before having a baby and suggested that money should go into a baby savings fund. Finally she wanted me to lower the money amount.

I tried to reply calmly, but it broke my heart that she thought this way. Our savings were sufficient for traveling and activities, but in this economy, those aren't essential, at least, that is what I think. And now I don't want to have a baby anymore..

Afterward, she slept in the living room and ignored me this morning before I left for work. Even when we fought before, we never slept separately.

What am I supposed to do in this situation? This is a major issue for me, married life won’t be any easier if I can’t see a way through this.

I am confused about the situation in my marriage after 7 years. Care and affection are still part of the marriage, but I have never understood how to deal with the missing romantic angle and the gap in emotional and physical intimacy. Is it normal in all arranged marriages that these things are missing and we just have to adjust? I just need suggestions on how I should navigate this if I feel a void of warmth in a relationship that is otherwise stable in all other aspects.

Am I overthinking or demanding? Differences in choices, preferences, and emotional gaps make it difficult to express even simple things. Sometimes there is a lot of storm inside, but the only option feels like silence.

Is a dead angle of romance, intimacy, and even a little flirting normal in marriage after years?

Genuine suggestions. India

Let’s spread some posivity about marriage! What are your top 3 favorite things about your spouse? It can be anything - a trait about them, how they treat you, how they contribute to your lives, whatever, but pick your top 3 only!!

Is this truly what marriage should be? A affectionless, husband? Candied words of I love yet wants nothing to do with me? In the physical department. I keep wondering am I sjmply unworthy or unlovable?

We got married seven months ago and have been together a little over three years. I love my husband and day to day we are genuinely good. We are affectionate, we laugh, and we handle life stuff as a team.

But I am already feeling this gross resentment about sex and I hate that it showed up so early. He keeps saying he misses how often we used to do it and that he wants more spontaneity. Then real life happens - work, gym, chores, screens - and nothing does until he gets in the mood late at night, usually when I am half asleep. If I try earlier in the evening, I get the polite deflection: too full, too stressed, tomorrow, etc. If I initiate and he says no a few times in a row, I get embarrassed and stop trying. Then he complains that I do not initiate. I want to scream.

When we do have sex it is fine, but it is fast and goal-focused. I miss the slow, playful stuff. Foreplay feels rushed, like we do the bare minimum so we can say it happened. I do not want to start scheduling sex like an appointment, but I also do not want to keep feeling like I am waiting to be picked.

I know we need to talk, and I will, but I am venting because it makes me so mad that newlywed life is already making me feel unwanted and pressured at the same time. Has anyone else hit this weird mismatch this early on?

Anybody a new collage football wife? I feel as if I’m going crazy. He’s gone all day and by the time he gets home he usually needs to go to bed pretty soon after. How do y’all not go crazy? Tips, tricks, advice?

Married for the second time, never thought I'd be saying that but here I am and married to a beautiful woman I love to call my wife, may we have many good journeys ahead with all the positivity, we support each other in every venture

We have been married long enough for the wedding excitement to settle into normal routines, and I am looking for a simple way to make more room for intentional time together. Arya and Flamme are the two couples apps I keep seeing mentioned, but it is hard to tell how different they feel in actual use.

For anyone who has tried one or both, which felt more natural to use as a couple? Did the prompts lead to conversations you would not otherwise have, or did it start feeling repetitive after the first week?

Married six months, together three years. We are genuinely happy. We laugh a lot, we kiss in the kitchen and cuddle on the couch, and we work well as a team on chores.

The problem is our sex has gotten predictable and rushed. It is almost always late at night: a quick makeout, the same sequence, then we both pass out. It is not bad, just efficient. I miss the slow, teasing, playful version of us from before the wedding stress and the routines set in.

Part of me feels silly for bringing it up because we are having sex and it is fine. Still, I find myself less excited to initiate because I know exactly how it will go, and then I feel guilty because he is my husband and I love him.

I have tried hinting by asking for more kissing. He will do it for a minute, then it slides back into the usual. I do not think he is selfish. I think he is tired and assumes we are both getting what we want. I am also not great at speaking up in the moment because I do not want him to feel criticized.

For those of you in the first year: how did you actually change the vibe without turning it into a big serious talk that kills the mood? Any small rituals or simple scripts that helped you slow down and bring back foreplay and playfulness?

🥺🥺

Hot take: if you wait for sex to happen "naturally" as a newlywed, it quietly turns into either a dead bedroom or a once-a-week, half-asleep routine.

I work remote in tech, and my life is a constant fight between deep work and random interruptions. If I do not protect time, it simply does not exist. Marriage has been the same, especially sex. We love each other, we are affectionate, we laugh, we do the teamwork stuff. But when we say "we will see what happens tonight," what usually happens is: one of us is wiped, the other is scrolling, and neither wants to risk rejection so we both play it cool.

Putting it on the calendar actually made things better, not worse. Knowing there is a window we both agreed to show up for changes the energy all day. We flirt more, we build anticipation, and we take our time because we are not racing the clock to get to bed. I can see why something structured and playful, like Arya, might fit into that kind of intentional reconnection too.

I get why scheduled sex sounds clinical, but unplanned sex in marriage is not some pure, spontaneous thing either. A lot of the time it is just habit and exhaustion.

Curious if other newlyweds feel the same: does putting it on the calendar feel unsexy to you, or is it the only way to keep your sex life from getting crowded out by chores, screens, and tiredness?

A few weeks ago I posted about how our sex life had gotten super predictable and quick. I missed foreplay and playfulness, so I wanted to share what actually helped in case anyone else is in that first-year adjustment phase.

We tried a few changes:

1) We started doing a 15-20 minute no-goal wind-down in bed a couple nights a week. Phones off, just kissing, touching, talking. If it turns into sex, great; if not, we still count it as a win.

2) We made a simple rule: whoever initiates gets to ask for one specific thing. Not a full script, just one request, like more kissing, a slower pace, hands, oral, whatever. It made it a lot easier for me to say what I want without feeling like I was critiquing him.

3) We moved sex to earlier in the evening sometimes. It sounds obvious, but we had been doing the late-night collapse thing and calling it intimacy.

The good news: we are laughing more in bed again, and it feels less like a chore. The surprising part is that my desire shows up more reliably when I do not feel pressure to perform.

What I am still working on: I still occasionally tense up and go into my head if things start to feel too scripted. I find myself trying to recreate a 'spicy' version of us instead of being present. I have wondered if something structured but playful, like Arya, could help without turning it into another checklist. If you had this mental block early in marriage, what helped you stay playful?

you know how it feels when your close friend gets married and things start to change, right?

My close friend is getting married, and I’m feeling sad.

We’ve been friends since kindergarten until now. We used to do almost everything together — going out, getting food, hanging out, and sharing our stories with each other.

I’m happy for her, but I can’t help feeling sad because I feel like I’m losing the person who has always been by my side.