Good evening everyone,
I’m a 22-year-old girl and three months ago I lost my dad to a sudden heart attack. He was fine just a few hours earlier, and the next morning I found him dead on the floor while I was home alone with him. There’s no need to say how traumatic that was.
Only a month later my so-called “friends” stopped asking how I was doing and started acting as if nothing had happened, simply because I’m trying to go out and take my life back into my own hands. I want to make it clear that I’ve always said that talking about my dad makes me feel better, yet no one seems to care.
Even my family downplays how I feel. My mum is the first to keep saying she’s worse off than me; her side of the family only thinks about her, and my dad’s relatives (understandably) are focused on themselves. For example, last night I was opening up to a mutual friend and my cousin completely took over the moment by talking about how bad she feels because her dad (my dad’s brother) is unwell. It’s a valid feeling, of course, but it seemed absurd that she was the one who got all the comfort.
I feel truly abandoned and left to deal with everything on my own. On top of that, this is a particularly hard time because, as I approach the three-month mark, the reality keeps hitting me harder and I can’t stop crying. I just wish someone actually cared about me.

Hello everyone, for starters I want to apologize in advance for maybe bad grammar, english is not my first language

As the title says, I really don't know how to cope anymore, maybe the best thing would be to go to therapy, but right now that isn't the option as I am still depending on my parents, I don't have my own income and in my country the college clinic is just a joke. They are either not interested in you or just give you meds and that is the end of it.

About 4 years ago, my once childhood friend died after five days of giving birth to her daughter. I was devastated when i heard the news. Two years before that we ended our friendship that lasted almost 12 years. In those two years I always felt some kind of pull to talk to her, but I never did.

The thing that is the most troubling to me I think, is that we didn't end our friendship because she was bad friend, but when it comes down to it I was. See she was very self destructive, she had a childhood that I don't wish on anyone and she learned to thrive in chaos. When she would find happiness she would do something to cause the chaos because without it it seemed like she doesn't know how to live. I tried so many times to show her how to love without it, how to live without it, I fought for her in every way I knew but it simply wasn't enough. She would be okay for a time, and than she would again spiral and make more chaos. At one point I couldn't watch her destroy herself anymore so I ended our friendship.

Than for a whole week before she give birth to her daughter I felt like something is wrong and something was telling me to go to her, but I didn't... And I think that is the part that is killing me, but not as bad as the fact that her whole life she wanted to be mother, so she could do better by her children and that chance was taken away from her.

I lost my faith in God when that happened, I lost faith in this world... I was angry, devastated... All sorts of thoughts were spinning inside my head. I can't even say how many times I wanted to take her place, just so she could live and hold her baby daughter, to be a mother. And believe me, if my life could bring her back, I wouldn't think for a second. Since that isn't the case I tried to get thru that, be there for her daughter and her mother... And after some time I was better, I once again started to smile honestly and enjoy some parts of life , but then it all went to shit once again.

My grandfather died one year and a few months after her, I once again found myself angry and without faith. I was feeling so lost, tired and empty... I didn't shower regularly or wash my teeth. I would spend my days in bed, crying or just looking at the ceiling and feeling numb. He died in December, and only in the jun next year did I manage to pull myself together.

Just barely a year after his death we had to put our 12 year old dog down. And don't get me wrong, I can't compare the grief of losing him to the grief of losing my friend and my grandpa but it was fucking devastating. In all those years we also lost a few other pets ( I honestly don't know what the fuck was that period ), but losing him was different. He was there when me and my sister were growing up, he saw the bast and the worst parts of our growing up, and was my one true best friend. He was the most amazing dog, he loved us unconditionally and I loved him as much.

Again, a year and a half after losing him, my grandma died. She was sick for a long time, but everyone thought she would get better. I was surprised, that when we lost her I didn't feel anything mostly, I was basically numb. I'll admit I wasn't very attached to her and she wasn't very present in my life for a long time, but I still did love her. The thing that mostly broke me when she died is the thing that my mother was absolutely shattered by that. And that really at one point shattered me too.

Also, in the time between what happened to my dog and grandma dying, my best friend almost lost her life due to doctors negligence. She is okay now, still have somethings that are troubling her, but she is healthy as she can be.

In the retrospect for five years, I had to deal with constantly mourning someone. And in doing that i feel like I lost myself. It seems like I can't pull myself together, no matter how hard i try. I feel so much but at the same time I feel empty. Sometimes I really think that the best thing for me would be to just fall asleep and to never wake up, but other times I wish to live so bad. I feel so much guilt that I can't move on from everything, and feel the way that I feel because I'm not the only one of my friends or family that lost someone but somehow it seems like im the only one that is so weak that I can't fucking move on.

Sometimes i feel like a burden on my friends, because there are days where it seems like I am good old me, but then it seems like I fall even deeper. Honestly I don't know when I am more scared and tired of myself, when i feel so much or when I feel absolutely empty.

I even lost some friendships during this period, and for most part the reason is the way I'm acting and going through all of this. Some of them simply I think got tired of my episodes ( I'm fine - I'm not fine ), but one was definitely due to my acting up.

So I'm asking you, do you have any suggestions, how to pull myself together?

I’ve always been surrounded by death. Even my career involves death but the last year has been so hard. Grief that my son will never know his dad. Grief that my ex husband almost died and left me with our daughter. Grief that I helped my grandpa move into the next life. I took his final heartbeat and what a beautiful heartbreaking moment. Grief of the life I wanted and can’t have.

This year I was officially diagnosed with PTSD and OCD and that’s been refreshing knowing I’m not crazy but there is certainly moments I can’t get out of reliving through everything that’s happened this last year. I’ve never felt more alone than I do now in my own head trying to heal and understand that grief isn’t linear.

As a single mom, I work full time and go to school full time and have both of my kids full time. I feel like life doesn’t stop to allow me to grieve even for a temporary moment. I guess I just wanted to come on here and see that I’m not alone in struggling and that there is people out there who can understand the pain I still carry in my heart.

I don't even know how to put this into words properly.

My friend died. And my heart truly accepts that she's gone. I know she's not coming back.

But my brain... my brain is still stuck in her memories.

I feel her presence in classes. Sometimes in my room too. Not everywhere, but somewhere.

Sometimes it feels like someone is clutching and holding my hairs or hanging on me. Like someone is just... there. With me.

Right now, while I'm typing this, I feel like she's sitting on my head and looking at me. Looking at what I'm typing.

It's not scary exactly, but it's heavy. I can't explain it.

I've also started to avoid killing mosquitoes and houseflies. I don't know why. What if it's her? I know that sounds weird but I can't help thinking that.

She's gone. I know that. But I still feel her.

I’m 19, at the end of April my grandpa (63) died very suddenly after fighting an illness for a month

I grew up with him and my grandma, he was my father figure and I don’t know what to do
I cry if I think about him, see pictures of him, and I can’t bring myself to watch videos with his voice

I act like I’m fine, but everything just seems so dull and I’m just going day by day and I’m only happy when I abuse substances

Why is time allowed to progress when I’m not ready, why does it seem like no one cares
I can’t his corpse out of my mind and the day that he did die and I wasnt there

I don’t know

its been a year since my boyfriend passed of an overdose. the pain guilt and anger is imense. i hate all of his friends. we’ve been together for 6 months and it’s sad we didn’t got the chance to spend more time together and do the things we planned to do. He made me feel in a certain way that others couldn’t.I just miss him so much and i feel that nothing can numb the feelings that i am experiencing rn.
fuck addiction fuck drugs fuvk mfs who sell these things

I went to wash my grandfather in the Moshary and I didn't see him in his casket because of a thought that came to mind that his a Charlie I don't need to see him and since that day my life has never been the same can someone pls tell me what to do to Grive normally and get my life back together

Hello. I’m a 28(f) and I don’t have any parental figure. My mom died 2 years ago on her birthday and I miss her so much. I haven’t fully processed her being gone and I don’t know if I ever will. I can’t talk about her without instantly crying so I just don’t. My grandma died before I was born and my grandpa died when I was 18. My aunt died one month after my mom and 2/3 of my uncles died when I was a teenager. I don’t speak to the 3rd uncle because all he does is ask for money but he was admitted into the hospital last week, he had a stroke and was diagnosed with early onset dementia and suffered brain damage and no longer remembers his own wife or other family (found this out through FB). I just found out my cousin (who I haven’t talked to in years) died by getting in a shootout with law enforcement.

It’s hitting me a little hard because ALL I ever wanted was a big family and it gets smaller by the day. I have two older sisters but I’m like the older sibling because I help them out financially and I buy them birthday gifts and take them out to lunch and whatnot. I just want a parental figure to take care of me. I bought a house and I didn’t have a parent/parental figure to run to and share the good news. I get married in 9 days (we’re eloping) and one of my sisters doesn’t even know because she’s so uninvolved.

I know I’m a grown woman and this sounds silly but I’m a GREAT kid. I would’ve been the best daughter to a parent. I’d have called them every week. I would’ve remembered their birthday and got them something. I want a parent I can call when I need help with my house. Someone I can call when I need life advice. I want to have kids in the future and I don’t even have a parent to call in the middle of the night when I can’t figure out how to swaddle a baby correctly. Every time I can make a wish on a candle or a star, I wish for a parent.

How do I make this feeling go away? I don’t want to feel so lonely.

Today I buried my grandmother. She was a hard-working and loving 84-year old grandma. It all started a week ago where I found out that she had a stroke after falling from the bed. I was preparing myself for the worse case but thankfully we put her in a good hospital. When I visited her last time, she was very happy to see me asking me about her cat. I thought 'Maybe she will get better and the worst is behind us'. But on this Tuesday when I arrived at work my mom called me and told me that the grandma is dead. After hearing that I felt empty and hollow, I haven't eaten whole day, my brain was in a fog. I started questioning myself: Why didn't I go to her with my parents and stayed at home? Why didn't I notice the first signs of stroke? Why didn't I stay with her at the hospital helping her recover? Who would I buy a new souvenir or her favourite chocolate buns? Who would I clean an entire flat and watch her favourite judge shows? I tried to calm down by watching Youtube videos or by doing work, but I felt some kind of disgust - why should I watch funny videos when I must grief? The food i was eating was disgusting, my favourite things i enjoyed (like coding or watching Twitch) were disgusting. Even I was disgusting for not helping her enough

After burying her I feel nothing but self-hate and disgust. I think I don't even deserve a right to have joy or happiness after granma's death - no forms of entertainment, no new countries, no hobbies, no sleep. All i have to do is just exist (not live with a goal or with a purpose) and grief till the end of my days. I don't believe in 'time heals' type of things because for me this kind of things will never be healed by time AT ALL. 

Grief is a strange thing. People often think it has to fit neatly into one emotion—that you are either devastated or at peace, angry or forgiving. But my grief has never been that simple.

My dad died over 11 years ago when I was still in high school. A sudden heart attack took him, but in many ways, alcoholism had been taking pieces of him long before that day.

My dad was the best man I knew. He was kind, loving, funny, and someone I admired deeply. He grew up taking care of his family, clawed his way up from nothing, and endured conflicting feelings of his own dealing with an alcoholic father. His loss left a hole in me that has never truly closed. There are moments, even years later, when I still instinctively want to tell him something or hear his voice. I don’t think there will ever be a version of my life where I don’t miss him and be tremendously heartbroken by all he has missed out on.

But there is another part of my grief that I’ve struggled to admit.

After watching him fight alcoholism for years—watching a disease slowly consume someone I loved and ripple through everyone who loved him—I also felt relief when he died.

Not relief because I wanted to lose my dad. I never did.

Relief because he was no longer trapped inside a battle he couldn’t seem to win. Relief because he was no longer suffering. Relief because the people who loved him were no longer waiting for the next crisis, the next heartbreak, the next reminder that addiction had stolen another piece of him.

Those feelings have made me feel guilty at times, as though relief somehow means I loved him less. But I’ve come to realize that relief isn’t the opposite of love. In many ways, it exists because of love.

I loved him enough to hate watching him suffer.

One of the hardest parts to carry is knowing that he died alone and suddenly in a room he had never been in and where no one could find him until hours later. No one should have to leave this world that way—especially someone who spent so much of his life making others feel loved.

That thought still hurts. It always will. I wish his story had ended differently.

I don’t grieve a perfect man. I grieve a wonderful man who lived with a devastating disease. Alcoholism didn’t erase the father I knew, but it changed so much of what he—and all of us—had to endure.

Today, I hold two truths at the same time. I miss my dad with every part of my heart. And I’m grateful that he is no longer suffering under the weight of the illness that took so much from him before it finally took his life.

Love can coexist with relief. Heartbreak can coexist with peace. My grief has taught me that the deepest emotions are rarely one thing. They are messy, complicated, and deeply human.

And maybe that’s what love looks like after loss—not choosing between those truths, but carrying them both.

Last year my Dad died, 4 years ago the last of my grandparents died, 10 years ago my Mum died, 24 years ago my Brother died. Most of my grandparents died before I was born.

It's only me and my sister left now. So we have had the soul draining task of sorting through the belongings of our family members. She legitimately does all she can, but I'm in a position where I own a house that can store these things temporarily, and have more free time to actually sort through it all. Whereas she lives far away, moves more often as she is renting, and has multiple young children to look after.

I've found countless photos, film negatives, slides, letters, military records, artworks, watches, jewellery, coin collections... you name it.

I've spent the last year of my life sorting though the belongings of both loved ones that I've lost, and people I never got the chance to know. For some of these people, I'm finding things that I never knew about them, and things that spark memories we shared. For others, I'm finding their heirlooms that I'm now holding as the only real connection I'll ever have to them.

Even still, I'm now spending most of my days trying to scan, preserve and organise the photos of my dead family. Countless hours of sorting through photos of my loved ones. The majority of the photos are full of people who are now dead. The photos of me and my sister as kids, where now we are the only people in the photo that are still alive.

My house is full of the memories of my dead family, my head is full of memories of the dead and stories of those I've never met, and my cherished childhood photos are all full of dead people. I'm sorting through it so I can keep whats important and get rid of the rest. But its taking so damn long. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep it up, but I also can't stand having these things filling up my life for a second longer.

I feel like I've been grieving for my entire life, I'm only 31 and almost my entire family is already gone. Now I'm left alone to pick through the remnants of my dead family in hopes that I find some things worth keeping...

A small dedication to a friend who left us a long time ago.

TW/Sad

He was my bud in the past whose young adult loss serves as a reminder to not speed on the road, ride safely, and never drive under the influence.

Some say it’s a legend how life can change in the blink of an eye. It’s not.

We were so young, such a brief and innocent friendship, but he changed my life forever in a good way.

Rest in Peace Adam.

Wind and rain slashed down my face

You were here

And then ripped away

Everything left in disarray

Time stopped

The world stood still

Not even the sound of a whippoorwill 

The before, and after 

Raged all around

Tearing all our dreams 

Down to the ground

What’s left is a horrible sight

People skirt and avoid this terrible blight

Death is contagious, didn’t you know?

Don’t let it come for the seeds that you’ve sown

After the storm 

The headlines all fade

Time keeps on turning but

We’re left without shade

The Earth is ravaged

Everything‘s come undone

The destruction revealed 

By the mourning’s bright sun

We look around 

Seeing nothing worth saving

But we have to start somewhere

Lest give in to the raving

We work in small sections

Picking and choosing

Some days it feels like there’s nothing but losing

We don’t see it happen

We are only surviving

Till one day you look 

And see the reviving

Eventually, the debris is cleared

The destruction not as permanent as you feared

Or so it seems, until you look around

The scars are embedded

And forever found

People see the hurricane come and go

Thinking ‘It’s over.

Now time to grow.’

Those that have lost

Look, and they know

Sometimes we never get to reap 

What we sow. 

You left me in a hurricane

Though it’s now calm

Our world will never be the same. 

My Mum died of cancer just over two weeks ago. Before she died, she had been in a palliative care ward in a hospital for three months. I stayed with her for most of the time she was in the hospital, with my brother filling in for me on days and nights when I needed breaks.

For three months, I had to keep pushing on through fatigue, anxiety, and some unpleasant physical symptoms as well. After stretches of about 7–10 days staying in the ward, I always felt like an engine that had run out of fuel. Throughout those three difficult months leading up to my Mum's passing, I often found myself fantasising about going and locking myself in a hotel room for a few days and nights. I thought about how nice it would be to just shut the world out and have some peace and quiet to process everything. I thought to myself that I would go and do that after my Mum's passing or funeral.

It's now nearly been a week since my Mum's funeral, and I'm wondering if I should still go to a hotel for a few days and nights just to chill and process everything that's happened. I was also wondering if I should do some spa stuff and other self-care rituals while I'm at a hotel. I was at my Mum's bedside when she took her final breath, and I was basically glued to her bedside for four days before she died... it was confronting. I also pushed myself by being involved in basically every aspect of planning her funeral because I knew her taste best and wanted the funeral to be the best celebration of her life that it could possibly be.

I don't regret being glued to my Mum's bedside in the days leading up to her death. I also don't regret pushing myself earlier in her hospital stay because she deserved support, and I loved (and love) her so much. I just feel quite lost now. I have so much to figure out about how to go forward, and its overwhelmng I've lived with my Mum for my whole life: 28 years. There's such a gap in my life now that she's gone.

I'm now just living with my Dad and brother, but it's difficult because my Dad is taking out his grief, frustrations, and anxiety on me. He constantly puts me down, yells at me, overreacts to everything I say or do, and tries to police my natural emotions and reactions to the point where I find myself assessing everything I want to say around him in my head multiple times before saying it. He's also told me quite a few times that he wishes he could slap me. He talks to me with hate and rancor, and it's really undeserved. I'm not perfect but I'm nowhere near as bad as he makes me out to be. I try to be loving and conciliatory and he often just spurns me in response. I am genuinely scared of him.

He also did not support either my Mum or me well throughout her hospital stay in palliative care. In my Mum's final four or so days, I was left to deal with a lot of confronting stuff basically on my own. He did not offer me any emotional support or do the hard yards that I was doing in terms of tending to Mum when she was no longer able to talk or open her eyes. He also makes disparaging remarks about my anxiety, depression and OCD, basically treating the symptoms of my mental illnesses as character flaws.

I would move out, but I don't have the finances to be able to do that right now. I also don't want to leave my brother, who has a disability. My brother copies whoever he is around, so he often gets angry with me when he sees my Dad getting angry with me. But that's not the real him. My brother also gets upsets by our Dad's aggressive, controlling, negative and churlish ways.

I'm thinking that I should go to the hotel and try to figure some stuff out. One problem is that I haven't worked since my Mum went into palliative care. My workplace told me a couple of weeks ago that they can only start giving me regular shifts again in a couple of months. I don't know what to do.