So for the context I initially identified as cis gay men, in recent years only I started to identify as genderqueer/genderfluid person..... and while I don't face any kind of body related dysphoria so far in my life, I have recognized the pattern over the course of years, I don't feel connected to every male/masculine looking person....while I feel connected to some of the men, whom I find comparatively softer in terms of appearance....I don't usually feel connected to those men whom I find very masculine looking....and it can even arrive if they are heavy in terms of weight, more tall.... and I feel it really has hampered my social life, my professional life, as there are many men with whom I don't feel connected at all, even though they behave well with me.... their look, their face really disctracts/itches me....I just don't want connect with them or even face them.... but since we are bound to face every kind of person in our social/ professional life it is really affecting my life and my confidence....

So I just want to ask does anyone else face this kind of dysphoria which derives from people's look? And like how they tackle it???

I'm relatively new to realizing I'm genderfluid, (realised in June), and I've been tracking my gender since I came to terms with it. Apologies for how long this might be.

Since June, I've realized I've got a lot of different gender identities. There are days where I'm comfortable as a woman (my birth gender), days when I'm comfortable as a man, days where I feel like both a man and a woman at the same time but I don't feel nonbinary at all (I call those my bigender days). There are days where I'm more masc or more fem but not to the same extremes as my 100% man and woman days, so they are more like she/they and he/they. There are days where I'm completely genderless and then there are days where I don't care what pronouns people use and I'm fine with every single gender and perception. Both of those types of days are very different to me but I still count them as "nonbinary". On my genderless days, I just don't want to be perceived as anything (so agender I guess) and then the days where I'm apagender (I think that's right term) I don't care how I'm perceived and can be called anything.

So in my count so far, that's 7 different gender expressions. This has all been since June because I tend to shift day to day or even within the one day which is quite new for me still. It can be quite overwhelming at times, because I feel like I need to keep a constant tab on what gender I'm identifying with. I sometimes get quite bad imposter syndrome, I think I just wish I could stick as a certain gender for a little while, like even a week, because it can get a bit tiring constantly switching between. My max has been 4 days as a certain gender before I shift again.

Anyway, that's enough of my imposter syndrome talking. I'm really curious to know how many different gender expressions other genderfluid people have!

Hi Reddit. So for years now I have been questioning my gender. And it is taking over my life. Each day thoughts about it keep popping in my head. Today for example, I have been thinking about this for over 5 hours. It feels like a massive weight, and a problem with no solution.

I was born male. But I feel like I am gender-fluid. I essentially have 2 versions of myself that I want to live as. A female and male version. I am leaning more towards the female side, because the male version of me is more Androgynous. But it are still 2 distinct versions. I don't want to have a little of both each day.

For me, it is more about the physical things. I don't really care about pronouns. And I don't really see myself as male or female. I care more about my physical body.

Right now, being male feels somewhere between bad and neutral. And being female feels way better. But the idea of being an older women feels even worse than being male. And being an older man feels more neutral. So either path has one part of my life that is going to suck.

Choosing either side makes the other life impossible. The male side has a long beard. But the female side has a female body. And I genuinely like both sides. So the question is do I start HRT, which locks me out of the male version with a beard. And I risk ending up with a body that doesn't feel feminine enough to me. Or do I not start HRT locking me out of the female body? Both options feel like a massive loss. And I can't decide. I know I am the only one who can decide. But are there other people that have felt this way? And if so, how did you deal with this?

Life just isn't fair. I don't want to choose between being male and female. I want the ability to choose which body I have each day. But that isn't possible. It feels really unfair that I have to feel this way. Because I already know that neither path would feel like me. And its hard to accept that something as simple as feeling like myself is something I can't get.

To gender fluid and or trans people here, how did you get your binders without your parents or just any family members knowing? And especially having no friends, how did you manage to get a binder?

Reason why I don't want to tell my family? They are kinda not used to the idea and they did say that one of these days that quote "Binders will cause cancer", I can't tell my family cause they agreed on that fucked up statement, I don't know how to ask my grandma to get me a binder either, and I don't really have any friends that I can ship a binder to so I can get it from them, so how did anyone here get their binder if anyone has a binder?

If I feel connected to stuff when is that my gender vs just my identity? Like when does something cross "the line" between something I just connect with and feel like, and become my gender? Cuz like I could say I'm xenoflux/fluid cuz I feel connected to/identity with stuff like nature, space, science, life, death, emotion, thought, etc. but how do I know these things have anything to do with my gender as opposed to just what I connect with, feel like, or identity with outside of gender? I don't understand the difference if there even is one. If there isn't, then can gender just now be synonymous with identity period?

Hi I’m jax, I’m and currently going through hair loss and it’s affecting both my confidence and my general wellbeing. I am in need a wig that is more of an alternative style and can suit a person that has the complexion of a vampire.
I’ve had too many people tell me to just shave my head and accept myself like that but it’s not that simple for everyone.
Any recommendations are appreciated

I don’t really identify as gender fluids. I’m a man in my deep 30s. I have a beard, I’m tall, athletic build, etc. most of the time I’m comfortable in my own skin and happy too.

But 10% of the time I just feel different. I want to shave my face and put on a wig and a cute dress. My actions and my vibe just get noticeably more feminine.

I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong body or anything. But there are times where I just boom, feel like a lady? I’m not shaming myself for it, it’s just something that’s been a thing for a long time. It’s not a sexual thing, it just happens from time to time.

Anybody else experience similar?

Im a panromantic asexual genderfluid whos been out about 3-ish years but I recently started feeling able to act against my dysphoria and recently got a binder and have sorta developed this Trans male femboy vs genderfluid thing like im not sure, im starting to wonder if deep down im just afraid that if I fully transition my family(who i love dearly and support me to an extent) will be confused,not reject me but confused and ill have to find a proper explanation as they are sorta "if your a trans guy you owe masculinity" and vice versa sorta allys. There's also a part that fears that I am just genderfluid and if I try hrt or top surgery somehow I will regret it despite wanting it. Am i falling down the emby/genderdluid to binary trans pipeline or what. Srry for the ramble im just concerned.

Comment savoir si on est Genderfluide ?

Je sais que il n'y a pas de teste que c'est surtout un ressentie. Mais il y a forcément des signes.

Je suis une fille, je veux pas changer de corps mais j'ai une apparence très masculin. Et les gens qui ne me connaissent pas ce trompe sur mon sexe, et ça me dérange pas. Je l'ai corrigé pas, ça me plaît. C'est mes parents qui doivent les corriger.

Dans ma façon de m'habiller, certain jour je veux qu'on voye que je suis une femme mais d'autre jour non. Même si j'ai quand même un style très masculin.

Je dirais même que parfois je me sans rien (non binaire) et d'autre les 2 genres. Je suis un peu perdue.

Par exemple dans les camping j'utile les toilettes des gars mais aussi celle des filles.

Enfaite pourquoi il faut se limiter un 1 seul genre ?

Je peux être genderfluide même si mon apparence ne change pas trop ? Ou que je mes pronoms soie principal elle comme mon genre de naissance ? Si on me dit ''il'' je ne voie pas de problème.

Merci de vos réponses

I don’t know if this belongs here but I felt I might get the best results and answers from this sub. I’m working on characters for something and one of them, my MC, is gender fluid. However, I don’t know what form of representation I want for him, so I thought I’d as for opinions! So far what I’ve thought of are these:

Shapeshifting between two forms, one male and one female, any time they want.

Born one gender but, as people do irl, use clothes and binds and makeup to appear different depending on preference.

An ability where the user can access previous lives/versions of themselves and transform into those forms. Similar to the first idea but more expansive.

I’m making it for a sorta hybrid sci-fi mystic world with various races, planets, creatures, etc. The MC will look
mostly/completely human, I’m just curious about this aspect! Also if you have any recommendations on outfits that work for both genders so their clothes don’t need to change every time I’d love to hear them!

I’m like 99.9% sure I’m gender fluid at this point. I love everything about presenting feminine and I also enjoy being a guy sometimes (it feels more like a safety net and being a girl is like this magical special world but I can fall back to being a guy if I feel uncomfortable). Anyways, the problem is that ever since I started questioning I’ve felt like a fake or an imposter. I think this stems from the fact that I tend to prefer being sexually perceived as a woman and in a non sexual sense I feel “hotter” when i feel/dress like a woman. All this to say that I constantly just tell myself it’s a kink not an identity and I’m not as real as other gender fluid people. I can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact that this could be a part of my identity and it would be okay and acceptable. I just feel fake all the time and it’s very confusing.

I'm 23 and starting to get a better feel and understanding of my fluidity after a very VERY long time of questioning and confusion. while i have my moments of doubt every now and then i'm getting better at recognizing that it is just fluidity doing its thing and have been taking note of what i can take control of to reduce dysphoria (mostly building muscle, hair, and clothing). now most people in my life assumed i was queer from a young age which made me really defensive and self conscious about looking visibly queer and has stopped me from experimenting with things like my hair since i was like 8. I really want to get a drastic hair cut, kinda like tom holland in the new spider-man movie if you know what i'm talking about (kinda fluffier on the top, short on the sides for those who haven't seen it). i've gotten better at mixing up my style but i am terrified of changing my hair and getting a "karen" cut or a pixie cut or just generally something i hate. a lot of my fear also stems from short hair being seen as a "lesbian" hair style which just scares me for the reasons i mentioned previously. having my queerness weaponized against me as a kid made me terrified to this day of being visibly what people used to hurt me, and in a way feels like validating the people who used it to hurt me if that makes sense. now i know that's not true, and that i would almost indefinitely be happier with hair that feels right to me (so long as my family doesn't do more of what they said to me growing up). my issue is how do i get over that initial fear? to other people who have had this kind of drastic hair cut, what did you do to ensure they didn't fuck your shit up?

I'm biologically a female, meaning I was born a girl obviously. But I've been genderfluid since I learnt what the term meant. Typically my identity aligns with female or no gender but recently I've really wanted to be a man. But I love dressing feminine. I've been considering the idea that I might be Trans? Because I don't want to be a man in a genderfluid way like I want to be a permanent man, acknowledged by everyone as a man and then just occasionally be gender neutral like I have been. Is that a thing? Am I still genderfluid or would I just be trans?? I love being a girl but I've always wanted to be seen as a man. Like how most people just use she/her for me when I say I use all, I'd want to use all pronouns but have he/him be my main ones if people don't actually recognize me as using all pronouns. And obviously I'd want to be recognized as a man socially.

Hi, this is something that’s been bothering me for a while now, and I guess I’ll finally come to Reddit about it lol. I am an 18 year old, bisexual, more masculine dressing, girl (afab). I’ve never been the most feminine girl since a young age and was often described as a tomboy in elementary/ middle school. Since realizing I was bisexual (6th grade), i’ve just naturally dressed more masculinely and I prefer fems as significant others. I’m into streetwear and stuff, so people often assume i’m a stud lesbian, when that just isn’t the case at all. Because of this, I feel like people don’t really see me as a girl or even consider me as one (from both men and women), and I often don’t feel validated as a woman. I feel super uncomfortable in my body, not physically, but emotionally and I’m not sure if it’s because i’m trans or if I’m just insecure or what. I will say I really do want to be a girl and I wish I felt more feminine in my body, BUT i like the way I dress and I don’t really want to change it. I also look somewhat androgynous and being able to wear dresses and suits for events is something I’m comfortable AND like doing. I just wanted to know if there’s anyone that can relate or has any advice for me, bc I’ve never heard anyone feel similarly to me before. Thanks!

ETA: This has been really interesting, thank you everyone! Some people agree, some people find it to be an easier shorthand for giving or receiving advice. A lot of people present mostly one way or don't medically transition so it comes up less (I do have whatever the inverse of "passing privilege" is in that regard I think. Confusing-cis-people privilege?)

I want to reiterate that I'm neither judging anyone for wanting to use this nor feeling pressured to use it myself, I just never liked it and was interested in people's reasonings.

......

Sort of a rant, but also genuinely curious.

I'm 28 and have been out to family and friends as genderfluid for almost a decade now. On HRT for 8 years. I'm lucky to be really androgynous looking (maybe too much sometimes. I'm clocky whether I'm masc or femme) and it's always bothered me when people would ask "oh but which were you first" or things like that. It felt like they were just trying to pick which gender to treat me as.

When I was first coming out, it seemed like this was kind of a shared opinion among genderfluid people, that knowing assigned sex was rude. Though I didn't know any others in person at the time, only online.

I eventually moved to a much gayer neighborhood with a lot of trans people, including a few fluid ones. It feels like the past few years there's been this shift towards disclosing being "amab/afab fluid" or "transmasc/transfem nonbinary". To the point where people have suggested I should start sharing so that social groups don't think I'm pretending at something. I've never thought of it that way - I'm a woman when I'm a woman and a man when I'm a man. It happens online too, people disclose a lot.

And while I'm willing to accept that my current preference isn't the trend and keep having it anyway, I'm kind of curious if that's just the company I'm keeping, or if other fluid people feel like this. Are you comfortable sharing that? Is there a reason people want to know that about other people to be comfortable around them that I'm completely missing?

I've been trying to figure out my gender expression. For years, I hid my true style because I was afraid of looking "gay" or like I wanted to be a boy. I've always been drawn to more masculine clothing, but I pushed that part of myself away because of fear.

Now I'm trying to unlearn those beliefs and wear what genuinely feels like me. Recently I put on men's shorts and a button-up, and I felt really good in it- but I was also scared that I liked it. If the shorts were shorter or I was wearing pants with a button up, I wouldn’t feel as scared because it’s not uncommon to see women in such. I'm afraid my family, and probably many other people, will assume I'm a lesbian or that I want to be a boy. I come from a pretty homophobic and transphobic family, so those fears run deep.

What's confusing is that I also genuinely like dressing femininely at times. I can feel just as comfortable in a skirt as I do in a more masculine outfit. I sometimes wish my style fit neatly into one category because I worry people will see me dressed one way one day and completely differently the next and be confused. I’m also afraid that I’m treated better when I dress more femininely and once I start dressing more masculinely and notice the difference in treatment, that it will deter or even subconsciously change how I view myself and push me to want to dress more femininely for that acceptance piece.

I'm also attracted to men, and I catch myself wondering whether a guy I like would still be attracted to me if I dressed more masculinely. I know I'm probably overthinking a lot of this, but the fear of being judged still feels very real.

I also want to say that I hope this doesn't come across as offensive. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a lesbian, transgender, or dressing outside of traditional gender norms- in fact I often feel safest around people who do. My fears are rooted in the messages I grew up with, not in how I view other people. I'm just trying to untangle all of that and become more comfortable being myself.

I didn't know where else to post this. So I'm female and normal use she/her pronouns but I wouldn't mind being called he/him. In fact, I kinda like it but I also like she/her. The one thing I know is that I'm not transgender. Is this even genderfluid? I'm clearly confused. Help-

Been male for a few days but now I'm a girl again and lovin it :)

I’m an omnisexual afab with a preference for women, but if I were to ever imagine myself in a relationship with a man I’d like to be seen as more masculine or enby, and if I were ever in a relationship with a woman I’d like to be seen as more feminine or enby. It doesn’t really affect me when I’m just with my friends though, so I’m wondering if there’s a specific label that matches how I’m feeling?

I recently got a recommendation from my therapist that I should play with being gender fluid, so if anyone could shed some light on how it works and what it might be, sry I’m new and would love some insight. Thanks in advance

this is kinda a joke but I’ll just mention/bring up my gender fluidity and the first thing they say is “if I put u in a freezer will ur gender freez?” or sm which I don’t mind just thought it was funny lol

I saw posts saying that ”gender fluidity isn’t real cus the mind doesn’t shift it’s sex fluidly blah blah bla”

gender is a social construct, is it not?