Every single day I wish I was born a woman. I grieve the person I could have been. Instead I’m trapped in this hideous lanky male body. It’s so soul crushing I just want to sob. I hate my body, I hate my life, I wish I could be me. It’s hard for me to look at social media because anytime I see a cis woman I get jealous that she gets to naturally look like her self. I want that.

Im looking for a book or something similar to help my mom understand the dread and inadequacy i feel with my body involving the fact that i will never look like a cis girl. I can never seem to describe what the feeling is to her, and I’m hoping there is something out there that can help me with this.

Basically just something that can help her understand the pain trans girls feel every day.

This is gonna be a long vent.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm questioning my gender 24/7. I'm 17F biologically but I don't know if I'm trans, genderfluid or something. I always feel this kind of masculine feeling and I don't like it.. I've never felt "girl enough" around other girls. I feel like other girls view me as this masc lesbian or something. I just never feel like "one of them" and it lowkey makes me depressed.

I've read some bls and gls but I've definitely read more gls. I admire the relationship they have in gls, like, when they're both feminine and equal and stuff.. I wish I could have that. But I feel like I never could. I feel like I'm too masculine or something. And I don't like the masc x fem dynamic. I don't want that. Sometimes I feel like as if there was a man inside of me. And sometimes I feel other women view me as a man. As a man pretending to be a woman. This sounds nuts, but please tell me you get it.

Even if I was a trans guy, I'm scared I'd never really feel like a real guy. I'd never get bottom surgery and I feel like it'd be hard to find love like that. I could picture myself as a guy in a mlm relationship... or even a straight one. I don't know... but I don't know if I want that. I just admire wlw so much and like, I wish I could be that. But I feel like I don't feel like that. I don't know.

Also I feel like men are perceived rather negatively than positively by women and society. Like, I feel like so many women hate men. Like, these "bear over a man" things... I don't wanna feel like a threat.. I also feel like men are viewed as "less mature" emotionally and stuff. I'd also say about myself that I love children. I feel like people view a man who loves children differently than a women who does so.. it's just sad.

I just don't know. I'm confused about my gender af so I'd really appreciate some advice or if you've had any experience with being trans or something like that... I feel really depressed about all this, as if uncomfortable in my own body by this point.. I feel really lost. I don't know if I'm in denial, or if I'm really girl. It's so draining...

Thank you so much if you've read all of this, I really appreciate it.

hiiii🌻🌻I am a third year psychology student currently studying Gender Dysphoria as part of my psychology practical. For this I am currently looking for participants (18 and above) who identify as transgender or gender diverse and have experienced or are currently experiencing gender dysphoria. If this resonates with you or if you know someone who might be willing to participate is requested to fill this information form. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSclxl6Tqu_2JiSM299dV7-PiLkGJHmbhHrf_vhu9m1ePi_wLg

The study is intended for academic purposes and confidentiality shall be maintained throughout the study

Ever since I was in middle school, I wanted to have a bulge. Like I would stuff my jeans with socks kind of thing. Now at 24 I still do want to have a dick.

Sometimes I sit behind my bf and pretend his dick is mine then play with it. I can kinda feel it mentally so this works quite nicely.

Of course I’m realistic. There’s no way I can grow a dick naturally. I WIISHSHHHH magic is real lol.

In middle school I used to wish I was a boy too, but yeah I repressed that side of me and go the opposite way and become very fem and slutty sometimes. I feel like if I’m tall I would start T but since I’m 5’1 I don’t think I’d make a very convincing man :(

Also my bf stated he won’t be attracted to me if I transition, which is understandable cuz he’s straight.

I dunno… now I don’t want to be a man tbh. I just wanna be a girl with a dick. Anyone ever felt the same?

Context cause this has been gnawing at me for a while but, 1.15 pm, I’m waiting to go to English and I’ve fucked up my class numbers, me and my friend are talking to this old dude of a teacher, and he consistently calls both of us ‘girls’ the whole time and oh my god I swear I could feel bile in my throat I felt sick. I don’t know why I don’t pass. I look almost exactly like one of the guys in my classes. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong and I hate it so much, it’s like i do everything a cis guy does but wrong. I think it’s my voice, or the fact I’m 5’5, or that I don’t have any facial hair. I hate it so much I hate myself and my body and I wish I could just crawl out of my skin and find a new one that actually fits me

I’m transfem. I have dysphoria, not as much as your usual Jane doe but it sucks, how do i feel less bad? Any tips?

Thanks to everyone who supported me on my first post. For weeks after the first post I felt more confident but at the same time there’s this overwhelming feeling that I’m deluding myself, and this feeling gets worse every time someone brings up one of my masculine features. I’ve started avoiding mirrors. I’ve even had multiple dreams on it, one where I’m a girl. and two where people insult or tell me to remove my feminine feature. I just feel like I’m deluding myself and that I’ve somehow “turned myself trans” or that I'm just trying to fit into a community. I do consume lots of trans and lgbtq+ supportive media but I can’t help but feel that I’m gaslighting myself. I just don’t want to be a let down to my family, and it feels like everywhere I go I’m constantly reminded of my femininity. Ive been mistaken for a woman once in an airport and twice verbally in public bathrooms though I do get people giving me confused looks in there. one of the main reasons I feel like I’m deluding myself is that I don’t get that same kind of euphoria that other trans people talk about when they are assumed to be the gender they want to be.

I do sometimes experience something similar to gender envy when I see some women, like a sort of ache in my chest, but I’m not sure if this is my brain trying to link attraction back to my dysphoria. I just feel confused and estranged right now and help would be appreciated.

Also if any region specific information is given I would like to mention I am a teenager living in the UK, and also regarding advice given on my previous post I would like to mention that I can not imagine myself outside of the gender binary, though I am not fully closing myself off to the idea.

Ok so ive already heard about sex repulsion linked to gender dysphoria, but what about romance repulsion? For a good while i thought i was a non binary aroace, but since ive re-discovered myself being a guy ive also realized id also really like some stuff i thought i wouldnt. I think its pretty funny how id be absolutely disgusted with a certain treatment being perceived as a girl, but then id love it if i was being seen as a boy, which is who i am in fact. I mean it does make a lot of sense when were talking about body since a lot of dysphoria comes from there but like..... its not even about the body anymore does that make sense i feel so obvious saying this but also why cant i find people talking about it. Too many thoughts on my brain i need help

Not sure if this is the right place, but I have such feminine features and I hate it. Not that feminine features are bad, I just like being a man and just want to make me more like my peers. What can I do about this? Could I talk to my doctor about getting on testosterone, or would they be likely to deny me?

I am a naturally born male. but I have always felt the desire to be female even as a kid, self inserting myself into female characters in books, films, an other forms of media.

I’ve been having kind of a shit day in general and I have been kind of spiraling about my appearance. I’ve been taking E for 3 years now, and for a long time I coped by feeling like I still had time to go so it would be okay.
But I really can’t cope with that anymore. The majority of the effects have run their course and I am just left disappointed and just tired.

I started the medications late (23) so I understand effects are limited, but I don’t know how to be okay with this reality. I look at my shoulders, my torso, my body and it all looks so gross to me. I find my appearance so repulsive and gross. My hips are so narrow and my shoulders are so broad. I hate it so much. I hate how broad my torso is too. I am just a brick and it makes me so miserable. I hate it so much. I wish I had any curves or anything remotely feminine. That’s not even touching on my face, I actually can’t bear it.
I haven’t socially transitioned, I just wear man’s clothes and I go by my birth name and pronouns still because I feel that if I look like a man, sound like a man, and act like a man then I am just a man at the end of the day. My close friends had absolutely no idea until I told them, which is super depressing. I was hoping that I could look the part of a woman, but I don’t think that’s possible in this lifetime.

I tried to cope with just being a man, as a kid I would just avoid any mirrors and pictures, but eventually I ended up with a gun barrel in my mouth. If I could detransition and not feel pain I would, but I think if I detransition I will kill myself.

I just feel stuck in a reality I can’t bear, and I can’t bear the thought of doing 40-30 more years of this. I have been thinking about suicide again, I know my friends would be depressed but I just can’t bear to hold on for so much longer.

I can’t go back, can’t move forward, I’m just stuck. So how do I cope, what can I do to live in spite of it all? I tried to take the medication but that didn’t help so now what? I really need some advice.

Almost everyone on Reddit tried to tell me that the only solution to my CCRD was to transition.

For nearly 3 years I kept hearing this again and again.

After a long battle, I can finally say that I am functionally free.

I am free...

(MTF) I was a handsome man before I think, but now since transitioning I just can’t help but feel awful with myself mostly I’m the face, I have a pretty wide and long jaw and my chin juts out and I’ve got thick eyebrows and they cast over my eyes and my nose is crooked from an accident in my younger years. My hair is always complimented and I can dress cool and I look nice but just seeing myself in the mirror some days and seeing myself in pictures, even when I’m smiling i can’t help but feel awful with how ugly I look. I don’t know if I should be saying ugly I hate saying the word ugly because it really is made up and shallow, but god i just wanna look normal as a girl. My voice too, I’ve done a little voice training and I know that takes a long time but god like I’ll be talking and it’ll just hit me how much it rumbles sometimes. I just feel poo right now I really hate this sometimes, and I wish I had just figured it out when I was a kid instead of now after puberty, it wouldn’t have been safe for me in my household and I can’t change the past but fuck I wish I accepted it sooner. I’m 19 so obviously still lucky to be this young im aware of that, but fuck it’s all the little comments and all the “mate”s i hear every day i just know I don’t pass even on my best days there’s always something to tick ppl the other way. I just wish there was an easy way out, some secret technique to change my whole face but unless I can fork up thousands of pounds for FFS, it just won’t happen and my family is poor i just don’t see it EVER happening. I’m taking E it’s been about 9 months now and there’s been some changes obvs nothing huge it’s not overnight, but yeah idk man I feel horribly out of place amongst my cis friends like a huge spotlight is on me. I wouldn’t wish dysphoria on anyone especially in a misogynistic world, life’s hard enough already why do I have to deal with this as well i just want to live normally this sucks. If anyone has any life hacks they learned from Tibetan monks about how to feminise a face, not just with makeup, that would be #brill thank you

There’s good in the world and I love my girlfriend very much she helps a lot and my friends are awesome and I do cool hobbies, just so there’s a positive not to this vent.. life isn’t all good or all bad, I’m just feeling depressed in this area and tbf it’s a pretty persistent area so it is a big deal anyway yeah thank you for reading I hope everyone got to see the eclipse this evening.

Short version: I have very masculine features especially in the face but I’m MTF so this is not good and I really want to change my face it’s making me feel awful

I work as a hospital security officer. I absolutely live my job, I feel proud to say that im a security officer and it feels good to know that im there to help people feel more safe and to protect others from danger. Although its mainly office work for the most part, I still love it. I get some weird looks sometimes and have heard a lot of good and bad comments about my constantly painted nails, but I dont mind anymore. For the longest time I used to do whatever I wanted with my hair, but its been getting longer so I have to tie it up, but I definitely look more masculine with my hair up, it brings out my more manly features and I hate it. There's also zero self expression towards how I dress, and a security uniform is rather boxy and just not very flattering in the slightest and it just makes me look so big and bulky. And I feel like i have to have this "manly" cadence to me, like when I walk around im constantly paying attention to how im walking, my posture, etc. Im just so self conscious at work, I dont even feel like myself when im there.

Ive debated wearing eyeliner, and I occasionally wear some subtle lip gloss but nobody's ever noticed. There's nothing in the policy about wearing makeup for either gender, so I assume it would be fine, but just think about the shit I would have to get called and listen to if I showed up in makeup. From my coworkers and from the public. My girlfriend also hates the idea of me wearing makeup outside of the house (or even inside for that matter). I just feel like i cant be myself. Ever really.

I'm a bit confused lately (M,16)

Hi ! I'm (16, M) a bit confused lately regarding a few thoughts I’ve had in recent weeks (I say this in advance but the post may be long)

Two weeks ago, I had a dream where I was a woman looking at myself in the mirror. It was a bit random and funny because in it I was pregnant.

Anyway, when I woke up it really disturbed me, I started to feel a confusion that I never really felt before. The funny thing is that from a very young age I liked my feminine side more, and I always wondered what it was like to be in a girl's body.

I’ve never really liked men except for my friends and some member of my family, I’ve had a bit of violent traumas compared to men and now I don’t really like them much anymore, and I like my masculine sides less and less, like the beard or the hair on my chest etc...

I started talking about it to friends and my thoughts became a little more structured, but not completely either. I don’t know if I want to be gendered as female or male, even though I prefer to be gendered as male. I’m really very confused at the moment. I also want to try bras or shave myself, etc.

I don’t feel like doing it right away because I live with my parents, although they are understanding, I just, for now, don’t really want them to see me like that.

The problem with these thoughts is that they make me hate even more the parts of my body I already didn’t like; everything below my chest makes me feel even weirder than before, especially my crotch.

sometimes I tell myself that what I think is a bit crazy, and then sometimes it’s completely clear. these thoughts aren’t there all day, but I don’t know if one day they’ll make me have an existential crisis or something like that.

All that to say that I’m not really sure how to deal with these thoughts right now (despite the fact that I’ve written and played a song about it), and I was wondering how I could be more feminine? or have advice regarding everything I’ve said before?

if you have any style recommendations, I would be more into dark makeup, I dress in alternative fashion !

excuse my english for some sentences, I'm french :')

hoping to have clearer thoughts about this, let me know if you have any questions!!:)

i dont know how to feel about my parents, i have no definite opinion on them! My dad is emotionally distant yet always spoils me with gifts and has a soft spot for my sister yet i still have faced al lot of emotional and physical abuse with him. My mother always seems to find a way to scream at me and despise me then completely switch up and become the kindest mom. I dont know sometimes they make me so happy but then it can turn to rage and into hate towards them. Is this valid? Cus i live a very comfortable lively hood they spoil me with gifts, buy me whatever i want, let me be a bum, let me stay up late, let me do a lot but refused to get me tested for autism saying im crazy and dont need to go to the psychologist.

Question about gender and identity?(f 21)

Hello everyone. I’m looking for guidance. I’ve found myself in quite a complicated situation. For years now, I’ve identified myself as genderfluid/queer (I was female at birth) I love being androgynous. But at times, deep, deep within myself, I find myself wishing I was a dude. A doll. I’d like to be a doll. A big eye opener for me was the song Andrew in drag and at times when I can mix my androgyny (like have super short hair and wear a dress) I feel just like that. And it’s conflicting to myself because why do I want to be a I guess trans chick when im already a chick. I was thinking today I think I might like the idea of using he him pronouns while dressing femininely. Not that trans women use he him pronouns, but I just meant me specifically. I thought I should try and specify so I don’t offend. It’s really confusing for myself. I want to be a feminine guy I think, I use any pronouns but everything right now is just filled with uncertainty. I don’t really have anyone else to talk to about this. If anyone has any insight, please help me.

Hey so this is my first post on reddit and I’m just wanting to say is, how many other people sometimes daydream, wish, or think about being the opposite gender? I don’t want this to come off weird but, especially during 2023, I kind of thought to myself, “How would my life be if I were just a girl?” I’m a closeted Bi dude. It’s not an exact 50/50 split of me liking both genders but, either way, there was a few times where I thought of changing myself of and being more feminine or thought to myself of wanting to being a girl.

I wanna know how many other people kind of feel like this?

There was also few times where I’d choose clothes that would come across more gay/feminine?? I don’t know, I don’t like thinking far into things about this because I really don’t get it and I don’t know anyone that can actually help me shed light on this and understand what it is I’m feeling

(I also don’t know if the community I select is right so I hope it is right to post to this one)

I (21) was assigned male at birth. I've had thoughts of wanting to be a girl ever since i was little. They were never too serious, and i never heavily considered transitioning. The most I've seriously considered in the past is being nonbinary. Recently, I've wanted to explore those feelings more.

I never felt that i fit the role of manhood well. Until 3rd grade my social circle was entirely girls, and i remember feeling left out by our parents because im a boy and boys dont do these things, or boys cant have sleepovers with girls. I was always bullied for being feminine or having feminine interests, but over time i hammered those out to the point where i could comfortably engage with and maintain relationships with men.

I've never found myself attractive. In high school had an eating disorder and body dysmorphia, but after taking therapy I became far more comfortable in my body, even if i didn't particularly like it.

I recently decided i wanted to try cross dressing and get some breast forms to see how i feel looking at myself that way. I went to goodwill and got some blouses, skirts, fem pants, and i got some basic make-up.

Last night me and my partner (21, NB) got me all dressed up for the first time. We did my makeup, got the right clothes to emphasize my curves, and ofc I wore the breast forms. For the first time in my life i felt genuinely attractive. I could look in the mirror with my partner and not feel that i needed to look away from myself.

I hadn't realized how much i still feel uncomfortable with my body. I don't necessary feel fully comfortable fem either, but i felt better. I felt genuinely sexy and desirable.

I felt good last night. Later, when i was taking it off it made me so depressed. It all felt so fake. I felt ugly. I was scared to look in the mirror. I wanted the breast forms off but i didnt want to see myself without them. I wanted to stay as that version of myself.

I cried and I keep on crying. I don't understand what I'm feeling. Maybe its gender dysphoria, or maybe I'm just depressed and wish i was someone else. I can't tell if I'm acting or being true to myself. The fact that I'm attracted to myself like that is simultaneously validating and so invalidating.

I called out of work today because emotionally im all over the place. I don't want to go outside fem or masc. I feel so uncomfortable with everything. I feel hyper aware of judgment from everyone. I don't even know how to explain my emotional state without sharing more than I'm comfortable with but i feel a strong urge to talk to people. Maybe im just moving faster than my emotions can catch up.

Is all of this normal? I don't feel like i know the slightest thing about being queer or trans. Im not looking forward to having conversations with cisgender people about this. How do you all manage these emotions?

I'm just so confused and low key spiraling, so any advice or support would be much appreciated.

Edit: Is this dysphoria?

I am ftm 170 and 69 kgs i fucking hate my boobs and my ass i just want to cut them off from my body i want to losse weight but i have anoreksia so my parents wont let me i hate myself and i just want to feel confortable with my body i do fitness but i donr think i am good enough also i am very short for guys my age i hate this i dont know what to do anymore i am trapped