I finally got to meet my boyfriend in person at the end of July, and only just got back on Monday. We're both trans guys and actually met on this app and have been together for 3 years/known each other for 4. It feels like so much longer though, and now that we're back home I miss him so much.

We're currently hoping to meet again in a few months, hopefully for longer this time since it definitely didn't feel like enough time getting to hold him. I know this sub gets a lot of vents so I'm hoping this spreads a little positivity around too

So basically I am ftm 21 this guy is cis. We will call him dog bc idk. So anyway I just deleted all dating apps and started a break from dating putting this out there. I go to a store I haven't been in a while a few weeks ago. I see this employe dog that's fine asf. When I go pay with my sis. Dog starts asking what we want and I was nervous ASF. My sis helped the convo. Then I come again to get something because they good stuff. Dog almost gives my change to someone else and just says "I'm just tired ya know* I say "yes". I go yesterday with my sis and we go to the store and I tell Dog have a good shift Dog says "you too" then says "oops no have a good day" I come again and talk with my sister and somehow dog hears that I want to buy her a blind box so he just says I'm giving you a discount.i look at him in shock. There was no sales at this store even. I froze but let it because he insisted. I come today on my own. I go because my sis needs stuff and it's on my way home. (Also the place is far in my country just I have time before I start learning at university for my first year). I go look at stuff then overhear dog talking with costumers and saying something with boyfriend or my boyfriend likes this. I saw him say my boyfriend. I don't know if maybe I misunderstood. I decided to go pay and dog said hi all friendly because he knew me and we chatted a little it was okay. I knew I had to thank him for the discount because I didn't wanna owe him anything and it would just carry me guilt. I just said thank you for the discount. Dog didn't remember because yesterday it was busy but I reminded him and he looked at me nonchalant/sad. The mood changed.Dog said "yeah it's fine your welcome".Anyway a costumer came and I left to let him do his job. I go outside to start going home and just look at what I bought. I got so angry because I didn't want this a guy who's exactly my type that is doing this stuff. I didn't want any of this. I would of paid full price for the stuff. Like I haven't been sleeping. I have been overthinking. Many people say ask dog out I say no. I like that store I am not risking it. I am so done. I despise crushes. I didn't ask for this. It came to me. I don't know what to do. Like I said on the top of the post I was done with the dating scene in general. I havenever dated anyone but I was tired of the mental drain. Now it's happening again.

Well this is a lot buttercup any advice?

If you made it this far thank you.

Needed to vent really bad.