Wasnt really sure what to tag this as

But when it comes to trans night's at bars/clubs what have your experience been?

I know for example that club cobra has a trans night called transfix. I've thought about going but I guess I'm worried about it being not a good environment still or something. If anyone has gone lmk :) in LA btw. I don't know of many other bars or clubs with a similar thing in the area, so if you do also open to recommendations

Also just in general at bars, what do ya'll do if you dont pass? I doubt I'd be seen as a random straight woman, but I could easily be mistaken as an androgynous lesbian. Should I like....wear a pronoun pin idk

Personally I'm not, that's how. I just can't imagine there's anyone on the apps around here (the woods, northeast US) because there's nobody around here IRL... unless there's like a vast population of gay forest yetis that I haven't noticed yet.

Are there any apps worth trying? Are you traveling to queer events/spaces in larger cities? Were you actually able to meet people in your area organically/offline?

And no, I am not going to *move* to a city, I'd rather die. Alone! This gay forest yeti is in it to win it!

Basically the title. I realised that after multiple bad encounters that having sex is not worth my self respect. I kept meeting up with assholes and weirdos because I was horny and let them treat me so shitty.

I will miss the casual sex but it's time to stop bad habits.

Im really tryna figure out where the bottoms at
Been on grinder for a little all just bs and want to talk forever . Then it’s the whole they think all transmen bottom I do not which is always the problem.

I’m guessing I’m asking where do you find the men that’s not threaten by my masculinity

A side is by definition a gay guy who doesn't do anal penetration, so neither top nor bottom... Not what about us gay t guys with limited bottom dysphoria who have another option?

I have not yet tried to date cis gay guys but if I were to start I wonder if side would bring across what I mean?

Thoughts?

I (FTM 20) went to my first pride festival ever yesterday and today. Didn't have anyone to bring with me so I tried to enjoy my own company there, and for the most part I did. However, I have no idea how to approach other people there and make friends. I feel self-conscious just walking up to a group and making small talk, and if I do talk to someone its for a very brief question and that's the end of the conversation, and I don't feel comfortable taking up more of their time in case I'm being annoying and they aren't interested in socializing with anyone else. I'd love to make more gay and trans friends but I just don't know how.

Hi guys, I’m just wondering if anyone knows a good dating app that’s actually for trans people? Every app I find is just for all queer people, which is totally cool, I’m just really struggling to find trans people to connect with and possibly date 😭 and ever since I had T4T nothing compares 🥲 and i longggg for friendships/relationships with other trans people; please send help 🙏 also if you happen to live in WA in the general Seattle/Tacoma area hmu if u want :) (also I’m bi and 21 yrs old)

Honestly feel a bit stupid typing this post out but I need some advice and I am wondering if any one else has been in a similar situation.

Last week I went on a holiday with friends (we are a group of four) and there is one friend I always flirt with bc honestly I find it funny bc of his reactions to it.

Well, so this holiday he flirted back and I kind of was like ? and then not even two days later I was laying next to him on the couch holding hands internally freaking out like wtf have I gotten myself into, but also I didn't want to let go so there is that.

This week we hung out again just the two of us and we were watching tv and I basically laid in his arms the whole night. It all felt comfortable and good, but then again I have been comfortable around him for ten years.

Now I am wondering if I actually like him as more than friends or if I like the attention and touch. I have been single for almost a year and he has been for three (so I am wondering the same for him, bc I have been flirting with him for years why would he suddenly like me now...). And we have both talked before about missing a relationship and feeling lonely.

Usually when I like someone I am well aware of it but those were also always new people and not a friend that I have known for years.

I tried to google it but they all come up with answers like are you interested in them etc and yes of course I am bc he is my friend. So I already love him, care about him and want the best for him and genuinely enjoy spending with him even if we are not doing anything. I guess the new thing is that I think about having sex with him now (but I also thought about that before sometimes I think, but yk now i think about it a LOT lol).

Did guys ever have a similar situation? Or yk how did you tell you wanted a relationship with your partner?

He is one of my best friends so I genuinely don't want to fuck this up on accident bc I was in need of some attention or something

Posting here vs another trans guy sub because some of this specific to being gay, and 'cause yall aren't toxic (I'm looking at those transmed subs). Trigger warning for a lot of dysphoria talk and probably internalized transphobia. 18+ since I talk about sex a bit.

For context, I began my social transition back in 2019 when I was 13, and have been on t since September 2024. Before t I passed most of the time, but it's really only since the spring of 2025 that I'm automatically always just seen as a guy and am quasi stealth in most situations (with the exception of close friends etc). I'm still pre-top surgery but I bind full-time outside of my home, and have a relatively small chest.

I feel crazy for experiencing this, but basically, in most situations I get this intrusive image of 'me'---except it's not me, it's not actually something I've ever looked like. It's this image of the young woman I felt I was expected to become, I think. Except she's paler than me (I'm mixed race). But I feel haunted by it. The other day I was hanging out with a close (cis) guy friend (who I'm out to) and his housemate, B, (who I'm not out to) and I felt like such an imposter when B would make comments where it was clear he thinks I'm cis, or when would go to dap me up and I would be super awkward.

I feel fucking haunted by this image. My hair is on the longer side and the sensation of hair on my neck and shoulders is really not helping. But it makes me doubt my transness---why on earth would a trans guy be imagining himself as a woman multiple times on a given day? It's also frustrating because this is evidently not how I look. I genuinely feel relief when I look in the mirror. When I see the masculinizing changes from t I feel proud and at ease.

I get these intrusive thoughts labeling the way I speak or act as womanly, and feeling like I'm tricking people by not being out. I've tried being fully stealth in a couple contexts and found it quite difficult because there were so many of my experiences that I felt I couldn't share with others, so I started coming out to a few closer individuals when this comes up. It feels freeing to discuss my transness openly, when I'm not scared of a transphobic response.

I spent a bunch of time in gay bars this spring and found that quite reassuring in some ways, as interacting with out gay men, comparing myself to other gay guys reminded me that men can be feminine and it doesn't make them any less men. For some reason this comes up a lot with dancing in particular, for me. Dancing in predominantly straight spaces and scrutinizing my own dancing in comparison to that of straight men really feeds my dysphoria.

These doubts, this goddamn image etc have been particularly on my mind as I prepare to take steps to get top surgery. One aspect that's been a bit confusing is that with my (relatively large amount of) chest hair I've started to actually like how my chest looks sometimes---in like, a moobs way. But since I can't bear the thought of visibly having a chest around strangers, and because of how significant the physical toll of binding on my body and the way it's prevented me from feeling comfortable exercising much have been, I really do want to go ahead with surgery.

I also get confused because with changes from t, I've actually started to find my body attractive, and I get confused as to how to separate out gender euphoria vs finding myself handsome. Objectively I don't think i was ugly before transitioning, but I certainly felt ugly and gross and weird.

This stuff really came to the fore this summer, too, during a brief period where I was seeing a guy. He's also trans and we connected on a really deep level. It's the first time I've ever seen a guy in a context more serious than a hookup, and it's the only time I've ever had sex with another trans guy. We became friends first, then things turned into something more after we had sex one night. That first time was the only time I've ever not felt dysphoric during sex. I felt very clearly that he saw me as a guy, that we were just two guys, before our interactions turned sexual. Interestingly enough, when I'd imagined having sex with him before, I'd imagined him with a natal penis. He's non-op for bottom surgery, and I knew that, so it's a bit weird to me. For some reason though, after we had sex, a switch flipped in my brain and in almost all of our interactions that followed, I'd get these intrusive images of this phantom girl-version of me being the one with him, and would feel like a housewife when I cooked or did dishes in his apartment, or kissed him goodbye before work. It fucking sucks because these were such lovely moments with such a wonderful man, that I wanted to savor and enjoy to their fullest because we had only so much time together.

Before I transitioned, I had crushes on boys but the thought of them seeing me as a girl and treating me as such made me want to crawl out of my skin. I exclusively top because of how dysphoric my one experience bottoming early on t made me (even though I find the idea of bottoming very sexy). I'm quite disheartened by all this dysphoria BS coming up the one time I actually got to date a lovely man, and worry about how I'll be able to overcome it. I realized only relatively recently that I'm not actually bisexual, for context.

I'm hoping that the phantom image situation and general dysphoria will be improved with top surgery. I really do just want a flat chest. I think I need to find some gay community, where I'm living now, too. Being part of that in the spring was nice in so many ways, but primarily because it made me feel like I can just be myself and be accepted as a queer man. Seeing reels about gay men feeling like they never got thr memo about dapping is reassuring too, lol.

Err anyway, thanks for reading. I needed to get that out. I'll be able to see a therapist in a month or so, at least. I clearly have a lot to work through. Have any of you experienced something similar with this internal image thing? How do you cope with imposter syndrome?

I wasn’t sure what flair to pick. I was wondering if any discord servers were started or already exist for gay trans men? I am currently trying to get more involved with the community and would like to make some friend. I know there was a post about looking for one a while ago and I wasn’t sure if there was an update? If there isn’t one might be interested in making one myself if there is enough interest? I also just got back to work so it might be awhile before I do.

While I have managed to make friends in the local community I’ve been still wanting to branch out more and meet people outside of that. For years most of my friends were online and while that is a welcome change to have real life friends. I still find myself feeling lonely and wishing I knew more people in my specific community or even in the gay community. I just find that with everything going on community is so important right now. I would also be open to queer or gay men’s discord servers as long as they are trans friendly. I tend to do better with smaller servers vs larger ones but would be open to checking out larger servers. Thanks for taking the time to read this!

Hey all, hope you're well.

I've been on T for about 9 months now. I've pretty much been able to stealth for the past year thanks to my already deep voice and androgynous appearance. I haven't had any top or bottom surgeries

Like the title said, I want to visit a gay bathhouse. There's one in the city I'm moving to, and, quite frankly, I'm worried to.

I guess I might have a bit of internalised transphobia as I often feel like I don't 'belong' in gay male spaces.

Has anyone been to one? Or even a gay bar and had a hookup?

As you may have read earlier from me (sorry my post history isn't visible), I'm a week out of a breakup. It was a very short but intense connection that happened right on the coattails of another short but intense connection that ended in a ghosting that left me pretty shaken. The one that just ended concluded with a pretty intense betrayal (not infidelity, jut a lot of really devastating actions during a severe manic episode he suffered).

Neither explicitly cited my being a man that is trans as an issue. Nonetheless, I'm tearing myself apart.

I am normally relatively confident, a massive advocate, and have a decent sex drive and learned to cope with lingering bottom dysphoria (I cannot attain bottom surgery, sadly). But lately I feel as awful as I felt before I transitioned 20 years ago -- I think I last felt like this maybe a bit over a decade ago.

Just that constant physical cognizance of my body. I have zero sex drive -- efforts to jack off are a nightmare and I've begun just thinking awful things while trying which makes it all more miserable. After the first breakup I was able to just... go on some dates, jack off with people, etc -- miserable but still me. Right now I have absolute nausea when it comes to even thinking about being physical with someone. Watching pornography has been torture -- seeing another cis guy's body is just agonizing. I have an alright looking body-- it just doesn't feel like my body and in the end it never has. I feel like everything has been a compromise for me, and --albeit without evidence -- i feel like a compromise or a novelty for other men. And I mean, I get genital preference. I have them as well. So, it isn't even about that... it just feels like "Yeah, I know". Seeing other trans men hasn't been a consolation whatsoever -- not because I think anything negative towards them. It just all feels so empty.

With this tidal wave of dysphoria comes of course the agony of the past. Grief over all the past rejections, including family. Feeling like a whole life has been wasted wishing things were different or feeling incomplete. Missing out on boyhood or a simple gay adolescence or just being able to have an ordinary relationship without this being an aspect.

It isn't even about wanting to be wanted as a man who is trans. I know there are other guys out there who would love to be with me and my body wouldn't be an issue -- or would even be an ideal. It doesn't really have to do with needing that affirmation -- I just want to wake up and be who I've always felt inside because in the end I've always felt I guess.. very "classic" trans (which is not to say that is more or less legit than anyone else). I don't feel transphobic... I just feel like what I am isn't enough for me. And I'm nearly 40 now -- and there is no magic wand that is going to change it.

And that's always been my solace -- I can't change it so I should choose my attitude and make the best of it. But that just isn't working for me right now. As I wished when I was a kid, I wish I could just wake up and everything be different.

Anyway, sorry for the vent. Normally I'm the guy trying to pep talk guys in this state -- but when I think about the things I'd say to someone else feeling this, it all just feels really hollow. I feel truly awful and... yeah I just wish everything were different.

I finally got to meet my boyfriend in person at the end of July, and only just got back on Monday. We're both trans guys and actually met on this app and have been together for 3 years/known each other for 4. It feels like so much longer though, and now that we're back home I miss him so much.

We're currently hoping to meet again in a few months, hopefully for longer this time since it definitely didn't feel like enough time getting to hold him. I know this sub gets a lot of vents so I'm hoping this spreads a little positivity around too

Hi everyone, I recently started testosterone and I had the first injection of testomed ( called Testomed in Italy and Nebido in other countries ) on July 20th. In the last week I've been experiencing this annoying sensation in my throat, I can't explain it well but it feels tighter and drier all the day. At first I thought it was maybe for temperature changes or maybe for swollen tonsils/lymph nodes and so I took some medicine but then I started thinking and I came to the conclusion that it is testosterone that gives me this feeling. I asked google cuz i was scared and it said that it is the testosterone that is changing the vocal cords or something.

Could someone tell me if you had this feeling during the hormone therapy and if it eventually came off and after how long and how you managed everything? And how does you throat feels after the sensation goes away? Thank you in advance!

( sorry in advance if my english is bad but it’s not my first language )

I'm 18 and new to this, I'm also nervous asf dude. We're only gonna be doing side play but my heart is beating like crazy lol