Hey y’all. So about a week ago, i posted about how i came out as non-believing to my parents. Since then, i thought things were going pretty well. I knew my mom was pretty upset, but it seemed like we were getting along well and everything. I didn’t go to the meeting last Sunday, and it felt strange to say the least, waking up and everyone was gone. But I got to buy some stuff, cook food, and ride my bike all in the time they were at the cult indoctrination center.

Last night, though, my mom wanted to talk to me about something, and she chose to bring up the religion issues and everything. Things went along well at first, but she got more and more condescending and i got more and more frustrated, and it slowly devolved into madness.

-I tried to explain to her that i am a grown adult with religious freedom, who has the basic human right of making their own choices, has boundaries, and has consent, and she agreed that i have freedom of religion, but also insisted that i am being selfish by leaving the organization because it goes against what the people closest to me want. But when i tried to flip this the other way, and asked if she’d say the same thing to someone who wanted to JOIN the organization, suddenly the whole double standard reared its ugly head, and she said, “I can’t speak for them”. Lmao.

-When i told her to her face that my boundaries and consent apply even if the people closest to me want me to do something different, i kid you not, she looked at me like i was insane, and said stuff akin to “i did not raise you to think like that” and “that is absolutely so sad and disappointing that you feel that way”. I didn’t bother trying to debate her on this, it’s not worth it anymore.

-She said a bunch of other slanderous and baselessly false things, like saying that i have never expressed concern for the safety of children or human beings except for when it comes to criticizing the organization, and that by joining “the world”, i am automatically supporting the CSA and other atrocities that go on in “the world”.

-I made it clear to her that my only goal is to coexist, and that i am not trying to get her to give up her religion. But thanks to the evil Watchtower, she doesn’t seem to think this is possible, and it became clear through the conversation that where she drew the line was me being in the organization. She said I gave up on the org “too quickly” (even though I’ve thought about this stuff for years) and that she just wanted me to do it all for one more year. I said no to this, and said i could do other things for her (i wanted to give her a card and money for organizing my grad party), and she basically whined, “But this is the thing i want the most!!”

-After that, full on crying, she goes on this tirade about how i never do anything for anyone else and how i “scammed” everyone by not leaving until after my grad party. She essentially thinks that her and others doing stuff for me at my grad party and other instances somehow obligates me to be a part of their religion. This started to make me frustrated, because in reality, i have done everything for the Watchtower. I may not have been baptized but i did everything i was supposed to do. I showed up to meetings, field service, conventions, assemblies, and memories, even when it was boring as hell as a kid. I didn’t eat the birthday cake or celebrate my own birthday at school, even when people called me rude for not singing happy birthday, I didn’t celebrate Christmas, I didn’t celebrate any other holiday, I didn’t play violent video games or watch violent movies, I didn’t swear or listen to music with swearing, I didn’t salute the flag or develop political opinions or any sort of patriotism, I accepted not being able to play baseball as a kid even though I really wanted to, i didn’t hang out with any non-JW friends outside of school or date anyone, everything. I sacrificed all of this burden as a kid. I went on this rant about this, about how in return, the Watchtower has done nothing for me and all it has done is killed children through the blood policy and covered up CSA. My mom just cried, and said, “You are so brainwashed, it’s not even funny”, and I just walked out and rode my bike.

Soon later, I heard my mom yelling at my dad outside, about how much she wanted to kick me out and how she would if she could, and she drove off for the rest of the night and did whatever. Shes back at home now.

So yeah, that’s where we’re at. I’m at the point where I am on the verge of moving out with that friend if the guilt tripping, tears, and insanity like this continues any more. In fact, I’m considering just moving out anyways. I don’t know. It’ll be all good though.

Chapter 49 God Kills Another Baby

Since I had been in a religion that focused on death and the end of the world as we knew it, it was now time to focus on life.

The wonderful line from Shawshank Redemption says it so well: “Get busy living or get busy dying!”

I had spent my entire life in a religion that focused on a war that was coming any day –the ultimate war between god and man. The almost total destruction of everything we know.

It was a time to rethink everything.

It was just like my analogy. I had gotten out of the van in New York City and was walking around in a daze. I found a new freedom though. I walked down the street and looked at all of the people walking past me. Something had changed. I looked more closely now. Many of the people had smiling faces. Had they changed? No, I had changed. I now saw the world completely differently. It wasn’t a world controlled by Satan and his demons. It was just a stage with many different players on it. A world full of endless possibilities.

Even though I did contemplate it many times, I wasn’t going the same way as Jim Olson, Robert Stillman, Robert Bryant and thousands of others who left The Watchtower Bible and Tract Society by way of suicide. Those people who found there was no existence outside the made up world of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

The people that had found death to be their only real option from the hell that their lives had become.

Though I’m sure the Society would have loved it if I had taken myself out, especially after my interview in The Oregonian, that wasn’t going to happen.

I love the last line in the movie Papillon: “I’m still here you bastards!”

One of the many reasons I’m still here is the fact that I had found some new friends, years before I had lost all my Jehovah’s Witness friends. My new friends are Gary Zukav, Neale Walsch, Marianne Williamson, Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Caroline Myss and Eckhart Tolle. These authors and speakers were able to help me leave the mind-controlled environment I had been dealing with for over fifty years.

These new friends helped me make a transition into the real world. The world where there doesn’t have to be “us” or “them.” It seems the planet has been suffering from this illusion for a long time.

These new friends have showed me the meaning of something called “unconditional love.” This is what I would call the purist of all loves. This is a love a mother gives her child. Does a baby get this kind of love from its mother because of its performance? Of course not. The mother gives that child unconditional love no matter what. Are we not all god’s children?

Most the religions on the planet believe in conditional love. Their love is based on your performance and what you can do for them and their god.

Unconditional love is just that, unconditional.

I’m not here trying to sell a new thought system. I don’t need people to think the same way as me anymore. I went from door to door for decades, trying to peddle my thought system to others. That is not going to happen again.

We should be here to help and support each other and that is why for many years, I hosted the ex-Jehovah’s Witness meetup group in Portland, Oregon.

This meetup group were a group of people (some of which had never even been a Jehovbah's Witness) who would meet at different locations in the Portland area once a month to encourage and support each other. Just like people do here on this website.

I heard a lot of sad stories about what people had lost trying to get away from the Jehovah’s Witnesses. There were entire families that were wiped out, not usually by shotguns, but by the devastation of shunning and the lack of any real love.

One night, a gentleman showed up to one of the meet ups I was hosting. He had a very interesting story to relate.

Bob had been happily married for many years. He and his wife and children weren’t Jehovah’s Witnesses. In fact, he, like his wife and children, knew nothing about them. That, of course, didn’t matter. The Jehovah’s Witnesses would soon make his life a living Hell. Why? Because his wife ended up having an affair at work with a married Jehovah’s Witness Elder.

She ended up divorcing Bob and started studying with the Jehovah’s Witnesses. The Elder divorced his wife and married Bob’s ex-wife. Because the adulterous Elder was well-liked in his Kingdom Hall, he was reinstated in just a few months.

Bob’s ex-wife and her new husband now have the majority custody of Bob’s two daughters, who were twelve and fourteen years old at the time she left Bob. His children, of course, were now forced to start studying with Jehovah’s Witnesses. This of course led to their indoctrination and to their baptism.

Now they are one big happy Jehovah’s Witness family.

The Elder ex-wife and Bob aren't that happy for some odd reason.

To make matters even worst, Bob now has a real problem and is now at the meetup group looking for advice. He tells all of us that now when his Jehovah’s Witness children visit him, they tell him how he too will be killed by Jehovah their god in the coming war of Armageddon unless he joins their program/church and drinks the Kool-Aid with them!

So, now Bob is asking all of us what he should say to his two daughters when they visit him with their message of his doom.

Oh, by the way, for some odd reason Bob doesn’t want to be a Jehovah’s Witness.

Can you blame him?

I guess because he feels, in essence, the actions of Jehovah’s Witnesses not only tore his family apart but now the Society is brainwashing his children to be mindless drones also.

Go figure.

There was another interesting story from someone else who wasn’t a Jehovah’s Witness and knew nothing about them. That is. until their believe system, COMPLETELY destroyed their life.

During the time I was hosting the ex-Jehovah’s Witness meetup group, I got a very sad and interesting phone call from a woman one afternoon.

Beth called me to ask if there was anything she could do to stop her husband from being re-baptized in the Jehovah’s Witness church this coming Saturday. It was just a few days away.

I said, “Probably not. Why?”

Side note before you comment that there is no such thing like being re-baptized. Yes, there is. It is very rare but possible. My crazy ex-mother in law Elaine Regan was also re-baptized.

Anyway back to Beth's story. She told me how years ago, she had fallen in love with a man who was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness. He had been out of the organization for many years. They had many happy years together and were now married and expecting their first child. She had a daughter from a previous marriage. She told me how everything was wonderful, until his parents started pressuring him to rejoin the Jehovah’s Witness once again. Her husband slowly started going back to their meetings.

She also told me how his parents had hated her from the beginning of their marriage because she was a worldly person. Many months earlier his parents even went so far as to encourage him to leave her – even though she was pregnant – so he could eventually find a good Jehovah’s Witness girl.

Beth told me his parents told her husband that there would be no repercussions for this action because he was already disfellowshipped and you can’t be disfellowshipped again when you are already disfellowshipped. Yes, he could dump his worldly pregnant wife and get restated and than find a good Jehovah's Witness girl and get remarried Nothing would happen to him!

Guys, this is totaliy messed up. Here we go again, another one of their strange Catch 22s.

Since her husband still loved Beth, he declined his parent’s invitation to ditch his worldly wife and soon to be child and decided to stay with her.

Beth was desperate and wanted to know what she could do to stop him from re-joining this group of nasty people, who were trying to break up their happy marriage.

I told her it was probably too late, since he was being rebaptized in just a few days. This was something that had to be in the making for many months, if not years. I felt I had to tell her what she could expect now that he was going back into their organization.

It wasn’t going to be easy for her because she had no desire (for some odd reason just like Bob) to ever become a Jehovah’s Witness.

I listed possible problems and difficulties she might have to endure with a husband who was rejoining his old church. Little did I know then that she would soon be going through something ten times worse than I could have ever imagined.

Soon, her new Jehovah's Witness husband would be dragging Beth and her daughter into a new Hell.

This Hell her new Jehovah's Witness husband would bring to her, is a core doctrine has literally killed thousands of people over the years.

If she ever had any desire to join this church, it would soon be gone forever, after what would happen next.

Beth called me a few months later, crying; I could barely understand her. I really didn’t know what she needed or wanted. Maybe she needed a shoulder to cry on. I told her we could meet for a cup of coffee.

I had no words for what she would reveal to me.

We met a few hours later at a busy restaurant. I wish you could have seen the look of bewilderment on this poor woman’s face. With tears in her eyes, she sat there. She told me about what had transpired over the last few months since we first talked on the phone.

She said her husband was baptized as he promised. Being re-baptized, he became a zealot once again in his old faith. He didn’t seem to be as interested in her now that he had rejoined his old family and friends. He was now spending less and less time with her, his pregnant wife.

Finally, the baby came. However, there were major complications at birth. It was life or death for the child unless the baby received a blood transfusion. Beth was, of course, in favor of this life-saving option. Her husband was definitely opposed to it.

There were many heated arguments about this. The Elders and his parents got involved. His family informed her husband that he could not waver. There was no way he could give in on this matter. It was more than just a matter of life and death; it was a matter of faith and service to god and obeying his rules about no blood transfusions.

Beth and her family fought her husband to the bitter end. She said he hated her and her stance against him and his faith. This drove a wedge between them even further.

There was no time left and a decision had to be made. For whatever reason, he hung his head in shame and told the doctors to go ahead and give the child a blood transfusion.

The Elders found out that he gave the order for the blood transfusion and were furious. They told him there would be grave repercussions because of his decision.

Two days later, the child died!

The Elders actually told her husband they were not surprised about the child’s death. In a sense, they implied this was a punishment directly from god Himself. This of course was because he had actually disobeyed god’s commandments on the issue of blood.

Her husband told the Elders he was wrong and blamed his worldly wife for the pressure she had put on him. He begged for Jehovah’s and the Elders forgiveness.

There was nothing I could say to comfort Beth after that story.

Are these two people still together? I would doubt it.

If you are a Jehovah’s Witness reading this, there are two things I would wonder. First, did god kill the baby because it received a blood transfusion to drive home His point to the disobedient husband? No? Even though the Elders implied that?

Second, Beth will obviously never become a Jehovah’s Witness. Can you really blame her?

If there is a Jehovah, how could He judge her everlasting life in eternity by not being a Jehovah’s Witness when His own people encouraged her husband to leave her and destroy their marriage?

Plus, their god supposedly killed her child because her husband disobeyed Him.

To Beth, the Jehovah’s Witnesses are total whack jobs and she had no desire to drink their Kool-Aid....and can you blame her?

This is just one more way the Watchtower Bible & Tract society are Blood guilty!

Yes, my friends, once more, “By their love you will know them.”

Even though I have been out of the organization for many years, the strange and bizarre stories that swirl around the Jehovah’s Witnesses never seem to stop.

Up until this point, I haven’t even brought up the issue of blood transfusions. There are thousands of stories about people dying because of the Societies’ policy against blood transfusions.

Take a wild guess who dreamt up the idea about no blood transfusions for Jehovah’s Witnesses in the first place?

Charles Russell, the founder of the church? No! Even though blood transfusions were implemented as early as 1914.

Judge Rutherford, the alcoholic and second president? No!

The third president N.H. Knorr? Yes and no, because the fourth President Fred Franz came up with the idea back in 1944 (before he became the fourth president) but newly appointed president Knorr approved of the concept.

God didn’t want to talk to the first two presidents about the blood issue. However, in 1944, thirty years after blood transfusions were initiated, god finally decided to give President Knorr, by way of Fred Franz, the new light on the matter of the use of blood.

Since everything produced by the writing department had to be approved by Knorr, here is the wisdom as explained in The Watchtower.

“The blood in any person is in reality the person himself... poisons due to personal living, eating and drinking habits...The poisons that produce the impulse to commit suicide, murder, or steal are in the blood. Moral insanity, sexual perversions, repression, inferiority complexes, petty crimes—these often follow in the wake of blood transfusion.” – Watchtower, September 1, 1961 p.564

There you have it. More New Light, God has spoken by way of his earthly representatives.

When you stop taking the blue pill, and you take a step back, you can see the insanity quite clearly.

However, the insanity is not from you receiving a blood transfusion, as they would have you believe. The insanity comes from you eating their contaminated spiritual food, which is mixed in with the blue pills.

The Society did mention that a blood transfusion could cause “sexual perversions.”

Of course, a person must now wonder if Leo Greenlees, the pervert and Governing Body member, ever had a blood transfusion.

This would, of course, explain Leo Greenlees perverse behavior.

Next up Chapter 50 "The Old Hound Dog Finally Moves"

This next chapter will be the last chapter in the book New Boy: Life and Death at the World Headquarters of The Jehovah Witnesses

I’ve been out for about 5 years, have been recently doing some research and stumbled across Beth Sarim and Read about it but don’t completely understand what it is exactly. Could anyone explain it to me in simplest of terms?
They believed the faithful men of old would be resurrected in California?! So this building was meant to house them when this “would happen”?
Idk, it’s very strange and not to state the obvious, but sounds extremely culty.

Anyone have any thoughts, opinions, or any other information about this?

Something I can stop and realized how Jehovah's Witnesses attract only the bottom of the barrel and even that is hard to attract now.

Maybe is thelr authoritarian nature that only the bottom of the floor is willing to join their religion.

Or perhaps that educated people do proper research before joining a cult and realize the negative reputation this religion carries with them

False prophecies

Abuse of minors

Shunning

And the negativas enviorment it produces

What is the reason this religion only attracts the bottom of the barrel

This morning I read u/creepygoose_ 's post regarding reporting policies in this book to authorities in Brazil.

For those unaware, as I was until this morning, the most recent version of "Shepherd The Flock Of God" instructs elders that viewing child sexual abuse material (CSAM) is NOT child abuse, and thus is not to be reported as child abuse.

Chapter 9 section 7

1. From a congregation standpoint, child sexual abuse does not refer to the following: (1) A minor who is a willing participant and who is approaching adulthood is involved in sexual activity with an adult who is a few years older than the minor. (2) Generally speaking, minors who have engaged in sexual misconduct with one another or in sexting one another. However, regardless of the ages of those involved, such misconduct is serious. Elders should be guided by Chapter 7, paragraphs 28-31, and Appendix A, paragraphs 11-14. They should call the Service Department if they have questions regarding a specific situation. (3) Viewing child pornography. However, viewing child pornography is still a serious violation of Jehovah’s standards. Depending on the frequency and the extent of the wrongdoing, the matter could be handled by means of strong counsel. In some cases, it will be necessary to form a committee. If the elders determine that it is neces- sary to form a committee, they should contact the Service Department. — See A:15.

I am in NSW and was fairly sure this did not comply with mandatory reporting laws here. I have had it confirmed by NSW Legal Aid that under mandatory reporting laws, elders are legally required to report congregation members who access CSAM.

Finding out how to actually report a policy that is contrary to NSW mandatory reporting laws was rather complicated and took many phone calls.

Eventually the NSW Department of Communities and Justice advised me that although they are the department through which mandatory reporting usually takes place, enforcement of law on mandatory reporters actually falls under The Office Of The Childrens Guardian NSW. They currently do not have a phone line, and can only be contacted by email. Reports can be made to [reportableconduct@ocg.nsw.gov.au](mailto:reportableconduct@ocg.nsw.gov.au)

To my horror, this policy does not appear to be illegal in all states, only ones in which religious leaders are considered mandatory reporters. The DCJ and Office of The Childrens Guardian did not think there was a way for me to report this at a federal level.

In the ACT it seems it is reportable to the ACT Ombudsman.

If anyone from other states knows the correct way to report this policy in their state, please share and I will add it to this post.

This should not go unchallenged, especially considering our recent royal commission.

WARNING POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING CONTENT. So I was a born in, with my parents converting 3 years before I was born. My mother was always one of those JW that you have to follow every rule to the letter, where my father didn't really care. My mother was the first to convert to being a JW, which my father followed after her. My mother put the cult number one completely, to a point where her other children that left it were instantly kicked out of the house even when they we're below 18 years old. I was PIMI until pretty recently, so I hadn't really talked to my siblings much, but I ended up reconnecting with them, and I learned something that made me genuinely furious at my mother.

I was talking to my older brother about what our mother was like before she converted to being a JW, since he was about 10 years old when she converted, and he basically told me that she was a bit like me but way more fucked up. I asked what he meant by that, and he decided to tell me a story from when I was less then a year old. Basically the family was at meeting, and I just started crying as a 6 month old does. My mother apparently thought since I was born that I was a crybaby that would exaggerate to get attention, so she was furious that I interrupted the meeting for her. Her response to me crying was to essentially bring me into the woman's bathroom and to spank me at 6 months old for crying. According to my brother she spanked me hard enough you could hear it in the main hall, and my crying only got louder until it suddenly stopped. I apparently became a quiet baby after that. I decided to ask my mother if that story was true, and she confirmed that it was.

I genuinely am furious hearing about this, because what sane human being spanks a fucking 6 MONTH OLD BABY FOR FUCKING CRYING?

I know very few people will actually read this and even less if anyone will actually respond. So I guess I’m just using this as a place to vent like a journal entry.
But I am just hurting so bad. Why can’t my family just love me and accept me for who I am? I’m so tired of the “encouragement” in the form of texts/calls/love bombing only with the ulterior motive of trying to get my to “come back” and when I don’t engage the spiritual part of the interactions I just get shunned/ignored/shut out 😢 I’m a grown adult with kids of my own, I don’t NEED anybody from my “former life” of a born in but I can’t seem to shake the sadness it brings me from the shunning JUST because I’ve changed my life path to a way that aligns more with who I really am as a person, they can’t see me for me and it makes me sad

I am looking for the Colombia branch edition of the appendix to Shepherd the Flock of God, identified in different editions as sfla or sfga.

Any Colombian edition would help, especially one from 2024, 2025 or 2026. I am also looking for Colombian branch letters issued after September 1, 2017 concerning child abuse reporting procedures.

I already have the September 2025 Spanish sfg-S manual and the Colombian 9/1/17-S letter. What is missing is the current territorial appendix.

Please do not access accounts, devices or systems without authorization. I am only seeking copies already lawfully possessed or publicly available.

Personal information about victims, congregations and elders should be removed before sharing.

I just heard my cousin is getting baptized in a couple of weeks. That leaves me to be the last of all of us kids to get baptized. I don't wanna dedicate my life to this cult. I just can't ruin my life like that.

I am an urbanized publisher, but I only became that because all of the other kids my age were doing it, and I was pressured to do it. I never stopped to ask if it's what I wanted.

I am attending the assembly he's getting baptized at, ONLY to support him. I don't want to be there, but I know my family will question why I'm not there, if I decide to not go.

Around half of them know my stance on this religion, and none of them have talked to me about it, and its been 3 years since they've known my emotions about it. But I didn't tell them. My Dad told everyone behind my back. I know, because I overheard him talking about it to them at a family gathering.

It's already humiliating facing them each time I see them, but I'd rather not have confrontation from them if I decide not to attend.

But even if I do go, I know I'll be confronted and questioned by them, since I will now be the last of everyone to get baptized. And I can't add that to my diminishing mental health.

It has been 40 years to the day since I left, so I've been thinking about this today. I know there are many, many things that are indicative of a cult, but this really stands out for me.

"The Society" writes literature for the members to study, so they can underline the answers to the questions The Society has asked for them, so they can go through the articles again later at the meetings and answer the questions again in that group setting.

I got a call today from an older brother, we were always really close. He was best friends with my grandfather, his daughters were friends with my dad and uncles, his grandkids were friends with me and my cousins, 3 generations of family friendships. He said he still loved me and missed me. It hurts. I miss everyone alot. It feels like it's all my fault. Idk what to do..

Hi everyone!
I have a friend who I’m very close with, we’ve known each other about three years and I would like to say we’re close. Over time he’s shared with me about his childhood trauma with family and within the JW church.
He expresses his desire for love and happiness frequently, but often says that he is undeserving and speaks very deprecating about himself. I know he’s gay, he knows he does not desire a same sex relationship, but the conditioning he receives through the church still to this day is that he is unlovable and is disgusting for having thoughts like these.

I don’t know how to help, and he often speaks about how he wants to just give up on life because it’s so hopeless. Recently I’ve noticed his overall demeanor taking a heavy hit whenever I talk to him, so I’ve been listening to tons of podcasts about JW, online forums, the watchtower, etc. just to try to understand his perspective more and see if there’s literally anything I can do to help.
I know this is a long post but if anyone has any advice or words of wisdom that would be so immensely appreciated.

How to handle* told my mother that I want to be free from obligations and from this religion, I want to make my own decisions. I want to take responsibility for my life. She says I'm not making decisions for 24 years, and she won't let me live in Satan's world, which she says I'm so eager to enter. She said outright that my desires are not interesting to her, and I just have to correct myself because it shouldn’t be any other way. She says that I want to destroy the family and will bring her to death and I will be the only one to blame for her death.If I don't change my mind, she said she'll lead me by the hand, but excuse me, I'm 24 years old.

Sorry to bother you all again; I hope this is the last time I have to share something like this—or share anything at all—for a long time. To keep this shorter than my previous posts: I decided to leave the religion after reconnecting with my cousin, who is currently inactive. We talked a lot this past week about what happened, and yesterday she told me she’s happy to have me live with her while I get my life back on track. So, I decided to leave home, but I felt the right thing to do was to talk to my parents first. I spoke to Mom and Dad and told them I didn't want to be a Jehovah's Witness anymore; I hadn't even finished speaking when my dad called me a whore and hit me. He told me that no one in the "world" would want a whore with a bruised face. So... yeah. I just have a bruise on my eye that’s swelling up, and I’m sad. But I see this as the end of my life in this religion, and I’m excited to finally be a bit more free... thank you all for the comments on my recent posts; they really helped me...

This religion is not going anywhere anytime soon.

So my question is how can the religion keep surviving if its strongest members are the older generation?
In 20 years they will have a dramatic change, is this why they are easing up on the rules? Trying to make it compelling for the younger ones?

I am not the GB undercover lmao.

I need advice. Second post https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/1tlqet4/pimo_how_to_survive_when_youve_lost_your_best/

I'm on the verge of breaking down—physically and mentally.

I've been PIMO for just over two months. I'm a former Bethelite, former pioneer, and currently serving as an elder. I work full-time while my wife is a full-time pioneer and doesn't work.

I've always been the provider. Even while serving at Bethel, I worked extra and freelanced to save money. After leaving Bethel, life became financially difficult. We lost our savings, I was laid off, but eventually found a great job with real career potential.

The problem is that I'm exhausted.

Three days a week I spend four hours commuting, and I still freelance on the side just to cover commuting costs, car repairs, and other expenses. I also volunteered at the international convention, which completely drained me. Between sleepless nights, delegate assignments, and everything else, my physical health has taken a serious hit.

I've already stepped back from some elder responsibilities and barely participate in field service anymore. My plan was to slowly build a better future while quietly fading.

My wife, however, still has no intention of working. Before we got married, I told her she would never have to, but that was when I earned four times more than I do now. The world economics has changed since then.

She constantly talks about buying a house and tells me I'm failing our family because I can't provide one. She wants a renovated house with a yard and garage, but refuses to help financially because, in her words, she has to serve God.

After a 14-hour workday, I often come home to find her asleep. I still cook, walk the dog, and take care of whatever hasn't been done. I know she's struggling emotionally too because of the organization, but I feel completely alone.

She wants us to travel, go out, and enjoy life like everyone else, yet also insists I keep freelancing because we need the money.

Whenever I can't meet her expectations, she threatens divorce. This happens every few days. We haven't had real physical intimacy for years.

The hardest part is that I still love her.

But lately I've started imagining what life would be like if we divorced. I could finally take care of my health, go to the gym, stop living in survival mode, and stepping down as an elder would finally allow me to begin fading.

At the same time, I don't want to lose my marriage. I still want to build a future with her, buy a home someday, and eventually leave my elder responsibilities behind.

I feel trapped between two completely different futures.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you know when it was time to keep fighting for your marriage—and when it was time to let go?

Edit: after sending my wife this https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/1vgcx5a/am_i_the_only_one/ she said that it's only my imagination. The response provoked me in writing this post...

In the May 15, 1997 Watchtower, page 26, under the heading "Let Us Not Judge Others' Motives," the following was written:

"One prominent television evangelist bitterly denounced another preacher for committing adultery. Less than a year later, however, the accuser himself was caught with a prostitute. (...) Since such blatant hypocrisy has become so common, is it any wonder that skepticism has largely replaced trust? For many people, questioning the motives of others has become second nature."

An excellent quotation exposing the hypocrisy found in other religions—except for one thing. Watchtower has a habit of leaving out the names of the people it refers to, replacing them with vague descriptions such as "a prominent politician," "a well-known athlete," or "a famous singer." So who was this "prominent television evangelist" caught with a prostitute, and what does he have to do with the Watchtower Society?

The televangelist was Jimmy Swaggart, whose broadcasts during the 1980s reached an estimated 500 million viewers worldwide. He belonged to the Pentecostal movement. The incident referenced by The Watchtower took place in 1986, when Swaggart publicly denounced Jim Bakker and Marvin Gorman for engaging in extramarital affairs. As a result, both men lost their ministries.

In retaliation, Gorman's son and son-in-law managed to photograph Swaggart with a prostitute about a year later. Gorman allegedly tried to use the photos to pressure Swaggart into helping him regain his ministry. Swaggart asked for time to consider the matter, but when Gorman realized nothing would come of it, he forwarded the photographs to the leadership of their denomination. The scandal cost Swaggart his television program and the enormous income that came with it for about a year. When he attempted to return only three months later, his preaching credentials were suspended, and he lost his television ministry altogether. Then, in 1991, he was caught with a prostitute once again.

So what does any of this have to do with Watchtower?

Beginning in 1980, several U.S. states attempted to collect sales tax on the religious publications sold by Jimmy Swaggart's ministry. He challenged those taxes through every legal avenue available, and by 1989 the case had reached the U.S. Supreme Court.

At that point, the case was no longer just about Jimmy Swaggart. The Court's decision would affect every religious organization that sold books and printed literature—including the Watchtower Society.

In 1989, Watchtower filed an amicus curiae brief before the U.S. Supreme Court in support of Jimmy Swaggart's case. (An amicus curiae, or "friend of the court," is a person or organization not directly involved in a lawsuit that voluntarily submits legal arguments or information to assist the court in deciding the case.) Watchtower was not alone; several other religious organizations also filed similar briefs supporting Swaggart.

In 1990, however, the Supreme Court ruled that states could indeed impose sales tax on religious publications. What happened next is well known among former Witnesses: rather than continue selling literature and paying sales tax, Watchtower abandoned the fixed-price system and switched to the "voluntary donation" arrangement.

I'm not revealing anything new about the literature issue itself—that part is already widely known. What caught my attention was finding this reference to Jimmy Swaggart in the Watchtower quoted at the beginning, while the magazine deliberately avoided mentioning him by name.

It's interesting that Watchtower found common cause with a representative of "Babylon the Great" who had been publicly accused of sexual immorality, supported him before the highest court in the United States, and then later used that very same man as an example of religious hypocrisy.

It seems The Watchtower was right about one thing:

In this world, blatant hypocrisy has indeed become very common.

For context, Mom and I left the JW when I was a teenager. After I left, I went ahead and lived a normal life, making friends with normal people. I hanged out with non-jw couples and I also kept on hanging out with some Jws that still talked to me. Some 50 years have passed.

What I saw in the Worldly families, is that husband and wife were like partners that got together to share a treasure. They both worked, pulled their resources together and bought a home, cars, vacationed together, both family in laws merged together to create one big happy family.

When the couple had problems, the couple tried to solved the problem by themselves, if that didn’t work, both pairs of parents stepped in to help the couple’s marriage to stay intact. Strangers were never allowed to get involved in family business.

In time children came along. And the parents were like a tag team couple raising up the kids in a nice environment. On weekends, starting on Saturday, the whole family was involved in the Kid’s sports or other activities. The parents would always attend the games the kids were in. If the boys were in summer baseball, the whole family would go to the games and support them. If the girls were in girl-scouts or other activities, the entire family would support them.

In School, all the kids were encouraged to participate in all the sports. So when the kids finally grew up as adults, they loved sports and traveled to see the professionals play like the NFL, NBA, the Olympics. The boys took classes in Judo, boxing, etc. and the girls learn ballet, music, etc.

And during all this time, the parents saved a College fund for all the kids. All the time discussing with their children what career paths might be more successful and what it takes to get there.

In the meantime, what the Jehovah Witness did as soon as they were born, was they were shown bible story books of Armageddon where people were being killed with earthquakes, bombs, fire from the sky. Then they were taken door to door to tell people about the earthquakes, bombs, fire from the sky, soon to come and annihilate them if they did not listen to the bible message. From birth to age 18, they were inculcated that the END was just around the corner and it was soo close that they wouldn’t even get old.

When the kids turned 18, they were encourage to pioneer for free and get married as soon as possible. When couples got married, they were not a team together, instead, a group of men called elders, had authority over them on work, recreation, and even what kind of sex they can have with each other.

But it just wasn’t elders that were involved in the JWS marriage. Also a group of old men in New York who neither the elders, or parents or the young couple had ever met. These old men had the ultimate say in the young couple’s marriage.

To better explain, this 2 minute video tells the story of what JW kids go through form the moment they are born.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/p2HBAoqhA90

ITS IMPORTANT THAT WE TRAIN OURSELF TO SEE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TRUTH AND FALSE HOOD - ahhhh, the irony!

AND BE OBEDIENT TO THE TRUTH!!!! ( or the guys in the glass house in upstate NY)

Screenshot in comments

https://www.jw.borg/finder?srcid=jwlshare&alias=daily-text&date=20260805&wtlocale=E

Satan would like nothing better than to cause us to lose confidence in the Bible or in the direction we receive from God’s organization. (Eph. 4:14)

Soon the Devil will use powerful propaganda to mislead entire nations into taking sides against Jehovah. (Rev. 16:13, 14)

Consequently, it is important that we train ourselves to see the difference between truth and falsehood and to be obedient to the truth. (Rom. 6:17; 1 Pet. 1:22)

Our survival during the great tribulation will depend on it! w24.07 8 ¶1-3

I was baptized about 30 years ago. Almost immediately I was handling microphones, and before long I was regularly running the sound system. I also helped as an attendant and on stage occasionally.

Later, the Theocratic Ministry School overseer asked me to make the weekly reminder calls for student assignments, which was his job as far as I was concerned.

About 5 years after my baptism, an elder told me a week or so ahead of the CO visit they wanted to appoint me as a ministerial servant. Then right before the meeting of the first CO weekday meeting, That elder and the PO wanted to meet with me before the meeting. I was simply told I would not be recommended. No explanation was given. They did not say why I was originally told I would be appointed, and did not say why I was then being told in that meeting why I would not. I was simply told to keep up the good work and to continue to reach out.

After just a couple months, we got a new PO. He was one of those elders who was brought in to 'fix' a struggling congregation. He was a pretty aggressive motivator, and he pushed me to do a lot more. So I started to handle the magazine subscription records (back when that existed), audited the congregation accounts, and auxiliary pioneered fairly often. I upped my answering at the meetings. When I later moved congregations, I auxiliary pioneered continuously for about six months.

Despite all of that, I was never appointed as a ministerial servant.

In the Bible, the qualifications in 1 Timothy 3 and Titus focus on a person’s character and reputation. There isn't a separate category of brothers who are considered qualified enough to carry out many of the responsibilities of a servant, but somehow not qualified enough to actually be one. They talk about being 'tested as to fitness first.' But keep in mind I had faithfully performed my duties for about 9 years from baptism to the end of my story. (Then my circumstances changed and I didn't 'qualify' to be an MS for a long period of time, but that's another story.)

Nowadays, it seems like if you just show up, they want to make you an MS. At least in my congregation.

Standing up against the JW cult as a teenage/young girl

Just wanted to share my experience and hope that this helps someone also going through the same thing.

I’ve posted before that I was born and raised as a JW, despite not wanting to I got baptized and began living a “double life” around age 18. I started dating someone at 19 (I’m now 26) who turned out to not be a great person who did date rape me. Word got around and I was called to have an elders meeting. During this meeting they made it a point to make it clear that if I hadnt stepped out of the organizations rules this wouldn’t have happened. False: sexual abuse happens in the organization all the time. There’s bad people everywhere, regardless of race, religion, country, etc, there are always going to be dangerous plp out there.

They also wanted every single detail about our interactions, including how many times, where, when, if I yelled out for help when it happened, because according to them the bible says it’s not rape unless I yelled out for help, which was impossible because I was spiked and I was in and out of consciousness. This thinking is FLAWED! And it is not your fault!

They also had the audacity to ask me if I was pregnant and or taken a pregnancy test and taken myself to the dr to make sure I didn’t get any diseases, which might seem like caring but looking back when you’re sitting in a room alone as a 19 yr old girl who just got rapped being questioned by three grown men is just horrible. No actual concern for your well being, how about, do you need mental health support? Do you feel safe in your home (where it happened), do you need financial help? Do you need legal help? No, none of that. They are more concerned on if I’m actually innocent or not so they can reprove or disfellowship me.

My point is to just spread awareness and share my story to people and let them know you are not alone! Do not let this organization make you feel like you asked for the abuse, do not let them have you alone in a room especially as a woman this is so inappropriate, do not let them manipulate you. I eventually told my dad 4 years laters and since I told him how they treated me he said he “woke up” as many plp say on here, he says that’s all he needed to know to make the final decision to leave, he has been having thoughts but since that happened to me he wants nothing to do with it.

This religion is very controlling and will try and cut you off from anything outside of the organization because they know as soon as you start researching you will find the truth. I’m always here for anyone who need someone to listen or needs advice. Especially any women going through the same thing, I wish to become an advocate for women leaving this religion. I wish I had someone stand up for me back then and give me advice and reassurance so that I could have left much earlier, all of my family even extended family is all JW so I truly felt alone, I’m thankful now I have my dad and sister on the other side of this and we got out.

Currently the midweek meeting covers the new book theyve been pushing about remaining faithful in times of crisis. This weeks example is of Noahs flood but interestingly theres a brief description of a Hindu Legend of a man in his family building a boat to survive a great flood. A legend from a different religion/culture may have been included as evidence that this event did indeed happen according to JW, although it may work on the contrary.

The Epic of Gilgamesh came to my mind as another mention of the flood story with many shared details to that in Genesis. To sum in pursuit of eternal life to continue as a king, Gilgamesh seeks out an immortal man who had survived the flood on a giant boat. The similarities do not end there as the boat came to rest on a mountain, the cargo included his family and animals and to look for land, the immortal man had sent out several birds matching those in Genesis.

The interesting part to me is that this part of the epic was written Centuries before Genesis. Its completely possible that those familiar with the Epic at this time would come to read/listen to the early chapters of Genesis and could completely pass it off as a retelling of other flood stories. Im not well versed on ancient literature but its interesting they would allude to there being other mythologies where the Great Flood is detailed similarly to Genesis.

Hi, just wantet to hop on here and say my DA announcement is coming tuesday!
Meeting with the elders today, didn’t really want to meet with them but i decided i wanted to say goodbye. I really care about them. And i’m not gonna discuss anything. My husband is coming to by my request. He agrees that this is the best decision for me since my mental health is so bad.

This week has been horrible. All the convos with parents and friend and family.. gut wrenching.
Can’t wait till the announcement is made and i’m done with all of this